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Capax Infiniti	By : IJX Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > AU/AR-Alternate Universe-Alternate Reality Views: 2626 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Capax Infiniti

Disclaimer: Invader Zim and its characters are, of course, property of Jhonen Vasquez and his fantastic production team. Any resemblance my original characters might bear to real individuals is purely coincidental.

Chapter 5
The glass of the dome occasionally steamed up as Jex stood close to it, watching the breath of the volcano dance around what was to be her home for the time being. She had managed to drink some water, take a shower and eat a couple of potato chips. GIR had helped her locate the chips (after a mind-numbingly difficult conversation), but she found she couldn't really stomach food right now. Her mind was full.
Would she be forgiven these trespasses, be forgiven for having helped inch her own people closer to their destruction? For helping this murderous creature for some reason she wasn't ready to understand? Why had she done it? Pity? Curiosity? A sudden thirst for the unknown? She couldn't decide which motivation would be the worst. A feeling of despair began to wash over her again and she fought back tears. This was too much. Too much to bear, too much to believe.
Jex remained there for awhile, enjoying the golden hue of the late afternoon that slipped through the steam clouds. An occasional ray of sunlight touched her face and calmed her, reminding her of the beauty her planet still had to offer. Grief prematurely gripped her as she imagined an apocalyptic cataclysm erasing everything she knew and loved.
After awhile, she heard Zim's transport rise through the chute in the floor. Jex kept her eyes on the view outside, not ready to look at the alien again. Every time she saw him she was slapped in the face with the cold truth that not only was the reality she thought she knew no longer familiar, but that she was party to the eventual destruction of her own kind. Even worse was that looking at him also excited her, because there he was, a frighteningly intelligent creature from another planet, and he was completely real. Extraterrestrials were real. Had she ever experienced anything more extraordinary? And it wasn't exactly disappointing that she wasn't at work right now. But she didn't want to feel excited about having met him. How could she let herself feel excited in light of his genocidal promises?
"Well," Zim said as he approached the glass. He turned so that his back was leaning against the dome wall and he crossed his arms, looking relaxed. "You do have to admit that it's a magnificent sight, isn't it?"
She refused to look at him, but she did continue to admire the steam beyond the window. In the fleeting moments she could manage to get past the reason that she was here and the fact that she was probably in mortal danger while sitting on top of this geological behemoth, she was able to see the beauty of the place. "I've certainly never seen anything like it up close," she admitted.
"Apparently there's a place kind of like it on Irk, but I've never been there," Zim mused.
This startled her. He hadn't said much about his home planet beyond praising the superiority of his species. Keeping her gaze focused on the hypnotic clouds of steam, Jex took this as an opportunity to find out more about him and asked, "What's it like? Irk, I mean."
Zim turned his head to look at her. "Powerful."
Of course. "Yes, you've hinted at that," she said sardonically.
"There is no better word to describe it. Although to be honest, most of what I know about Irk was gathered through the birth download and my experience in the Irken military," he shared. "I haven't explored much of the surface beyond military training facilities."
"Birth download?"
"A few minutes after we're released from our incubation pods, children are plugged into a database that downloads the whole of Irken knowledge into their brains," he explained factually, distantly. "It's efficient."
No matter the terror he had rained down upon her life, Jex couldn't help but feel sorry for him when she heard this. What a cold, detached way to enter the world.
"Do you have parents, then?" she asked.
Zim's antennae twitched. "Getting a little personal, human? Why do you care?"
Stiffening, Jex shrugged. "It's human nature to be curious about other people."
She finally allowed herself to look at him; he was still leaning against the wall of the dome and had been watching her as they talked. "On Earth, a lot of who we are is shaped by our parents, so I just wondered--"
"I was under the impression that most human parents probably couldn't care less about the outcome of their children beyond some selfish purpose," he retorted. "I fail to see how this is superior to an Irken childhood. We cultivate our young into the perfect citizens, tacticians and warriors."
Jex didn't know what to say. She couldn't argue with his logic, but it seemed like such a ruthless existence. She swallowed. "I'm sorry if I've offended you."
Zim stared at her curiously. He hesitated and then said, "It's fine. I can't expect you not to have questions." As he spoke, he absent mindedly tugged on the fingers of his gloves, removing them from his hands. "You humans are ignorant about the space beyond your own atmosphere. Even your own solar system is more of a mystery to you than you realize. I don't know how you haven't destroyed yourselves by now."
As he spoke of human failings, Jex couldn't help staring at Zim's now bare hands. She hadn't seen them before, after all. "Um... right," she said, distracted by the novelty of seeing his fingers for the first time. "Well, there are some popular conspiracy theories about how much our government agencies might know but aren't sharing with the general population. I guess now that I've met you I don't think they're quite so paranoid."
Her transparent gawking was not lost on Zim and he stared right back at her, face unreadable, holding his gloves. "I'm familiar with these conspiracy theories," Zim said, thinking of Dib. He scratched the side of his face. The makeup he wore earlier had just enough moisture in it to irritate his skin and it was torturously itchy. "Most of them are nothing more than fanciful nonsense and wishful thinking, but every once in awhile someone gets it right. And by the way, did you think I had something other than hands hiding inside my gloves?" He opened and closed one of his palms a couple of times to poke fun at her, amused.
Her face flushed with embarrassment and shame for staring at him so unabashedly (although why she should feel shameful after what he'd done to her, she had no idea), but her pride wouldn't let her turn away. She met his gaze with feigned stubbornness. "Okay, I was staring," she admitted, hardening her expression. "What can you expect?"
Zim grinned at her in spite of himself. He hadn't gotten to know many humans during his time on Earth. Mostly he found them smelly and irritating, and the few he had come into prolonged contact with were constant thorns in his side. He had come to develop some modicum of respect for Dib's cleverness, for a human anyway, but he still intensely disliked him.
On the other hand, this female was feisty and amusing. After her escape attempt in the subway station he wasn't sure if he could really trust her not to try something like that again, but she had come back to help him. Her actions demonstrated a sense of self-preservation, which he respected even if it was counterproductive for him. And it's not like there was anywhere for her to run to at this point.
She moved toward him and looked him in the eyes, eyes which no longer seemed as threatening and probing as they had just yesterday. He had been smiling at her and it completely changed his features. Maybe there really was something more to this creature after all. A thousand thoughts raced through her mind, not all of them worthy of approval, and she cast them aside. There would be a time when she would be forced to consider the implications of her thoughts, but not now.
Zim stared at Jex, unsure of her. At first he interpreted her continued gaze as that of a child gawking at a scientific specimen in a museum, but then he realized there was a different quality to her expression, a softer one that he was incapable of qualifying. He lacked the context of experience in which to place what he was seeing. The one thing he was sure of is that for the first time since he met her, she wasn't treating him as though she were afraid of him.
In his uncertainty, he remained frozen in place, arms crossed and still leaning his back against the glass wall of the dome while clutching his gloves in one of his bare hands.
Jex moved to stand in front of Zim, holding his gaze. She was only a few inches away from him now and she lowered her hands to take the gloves from him. Not once did she break contact with his hypnotizing red eyes as she gently pulled the gloves from him, dropped them to the floor and gingerly placed her fingers on one of his hands. She swallowed nervously and gave him a look that read, is this okay? Without waiting for an answer, she uncrossed his arms and raised his hand between their bodies.
He could easily have stopped her for touching him uninvited, but he was intrigued by her boldness.
She looked at his fingers--three of them. Three fingers to a hand, one of them opposable very much like her own thumb. She knew this already, but seeing it up close was nothing short of incredible. This was her first glimpse of the skin beyond his face and it thrilled her for more reason than one. Not the least of which was the fact that at any moment he could decide that her behavior was intolerable and pin her to the wall.
Like a butterfly on display, she thought.
Despite the danger, she looked at his hand and ran her finger along his exposed skin. It was very soft. His fingers tapered into points that very closely resembled talons, albeit more of a cross between her own jointed digits and the appendages she had seen on birds. She held his hand with one of hers and traced her fingers along his skin with the other, her heart pounding over the thrill of it. The smooth softness of his skin transitioned into his... claws, she supposed, but not like fingernails. She had never seen anything like it. Like him.
Jex glanced up at Zim and her stomach jumped into her throat when she saw that his antennae were vibrating again, more of a quiet hum than a wave, just like they did when she had applied the makeup of his disguise. She was most certainly on the edge of understanding what it meant, but her conscious mind wasn't ready to process it.
Realizing what she was looking at, he deliberately pressed his antennae down against his head and coughed. "Well, this is all very fascinating but I should probably get--"
"Did you kill those men out of self-defense?"
Zim was startled; her question came out of nowhere. "Yes," he answered matter-of-factly. "But I also enjoyed it."
She had no idea how to respond to that. Jex was learning the difficult lesson that nothing in life is black and white, least of all people. Even people from other planets, it would seem.
Crossing one arm over the other again and scratching his face with his free hand, Zim thought about her question and her apparent confusion over his response. Humans had a difficult time with bloodletting in the first place, let alone the pleasure most Irken military elite would experience in slaughtering the enemy. For Zim it was second nature, but for Jex, he could tell that the juxtaposition of their now moderately friendly conversation against his violent nature was messing with her head.
"I was bred for conquest," Zim said. "This is who I am."
Looking down at her own hand, Jex thought about the simplicity of believing that you would serve a singular purpose over the course of your life, never looking beyond that culturally-inflicted boundary. Was someone like Zim happy just fulfilling their duty? Could he experience real happiness in the first place? Did he ever wonder about life beyond the Irken military? Human emotions were confusing enough; she couldn't imagine trying to understand the emotions of someone from another world. And there was no way she could ask him these things.
Zim was staring out at the steam again, apparently lost in thought. Just as Jex was searching for a reason to excuse herself from a situation that was making her increasingly nervous, he spoke again.
"Yes, I do think I'm happy with my choice of location," he said with a self-satisfied smile. "For an elite Irken like myself, power is an addictive substance and volcanoes are an embodiment of it."
"It frightens the hell out of me," Jex confessed. "How do you know this thing isn't going to blow?"
"As I said earlier, it's perfectly safe. The computer is monitoring seismic activity in the area; we would be able to move in plenty of time. Invader Zim does not go into a situation unprepared."
She remained unconvinced, but wasn't about to argue with him.
"Ever seen a volcano up close before?" he asked.
"What, you mean aside from that time I was abducted by an alien?" she snapped bitterly.
Zim let out a hearty laugh, genuinely amused by her riposte. "Fair enough," he agreed. "What I meant was have you ever walked on the rim of a volcano?"
Raising an eyebrow, she answered, "Um, no. I'm sure I could count the number of people who have on one hand."
He grinned. "Want to?"
***

Looking down at the skin-tight black and purple suit she was wearing in place of her own jeans and shirt, Jex was feeling increasingly unsure about what they were preparing to do. Sure, the technology was incredible--some kind of material that formed a vacuum seal around your body to protect you from the elements. At least, that's as much of Zim's long-winded explanation that she was able to understand. Ingenious, really, but she was feeling anything but confident about walking around on an active volcano. Outside. On a volcano.
She stopped studying her suit and looked up at Zim, who she was startled to see was about to shove some kind of metal contraption at her. It was a metal ring and it had been opened, much like one large handcuff. She backed up a little and said, "Heyyyy, whoa whoa, hang on there, what the hell is that? It looks like a torture device."
Zim stopped and looked at it, confused. "No. You're going to want this, trust me," he said.
Trust him? she thought. She certainly didn't, but she didn't have many options either. He obviously wanted to take her on this little joy ride or... outdoor stroll, she guessed, and refusing might only make him angry.
He took her silence for compliance and moved forward, snapping the metal ring around her neck without warning. It automatically resized to a snug fit, although it was only as mildly uncomfortable as a dog collar might be. She would become accustomed to it in a matter of minutes. Zim pushed a button on the side of the ring and it formed a seal attaching to the collar of her suit. He pushed a second button and a gossamer thin bubble appeared around her head, which then deflated to close in around her face.

Not expecting this, she panicked and flailed around, expecting to suffocate inside the material. Her hands flew up around her neck and face and tried clawing at whatever had closed in on her, but they only met her own skin. "What..." she stopped, completely bewildered, gasping repeatedly as though she expected to drown.
As Zim stared at her placidly, his own bubble seal emerged and formed around his head, enclosing him just as hers had.
You want to breathe, don't you?" he said. "This will prevent you from experiencing altitude sickness or inhaling noxious fumes from the volcano. You can calm down."
Jex slowly relaxed, still breathing a bit heavily from the anxiety of it all. She was irritated that he hadn't warned her, but then again he probably saw this as a routine much like brushing your teeth or going to the bathroom. Or something like that, she thought.
"Okay," she said, taking a deep breath and exhaling to calm herself down. "Right."
Zim reached over to her neck piece and punched another button. A dark flash passed over her eyes momentarily.
"And what was that?" Jex asked.
"Eye protection," he answered. "You won't notice the difference, but the computer has registered that the light reflected on the surface of the mountain might blind sensitive eyes. That applies to both of us. Now let's go."
Zim gestured toward the door. It was an absurdity made of faux wood floating in the middle of the glass, but at least it made the exit obvious. He put his hand on the doorknob and opened the door. Curiously, there was no gust of wind and no steam crept past the threshold. "Coming?" he asked.
If he were to actually stop to ask himself why he was taking Jex outside to look at the volcano, he might come up with an answer that had something to do with easing the occasional monotony of his work, or trying to liven the mood, or being curious about the human reaction to being up close to a planet's raw power. It wouldn't have anything to do with him having enjoyed their brief conversation. It most certainly would have nothing to do with wanting to spend time with her.
Jex walked tentatively to the door and peered outside without crossing the threshold. Swallowing nervously, she could feel beads of sweat starting to form on her forehead. "Yeah, I uh..." she stammered, staring wide-eyed at the flurry of white steam outside. For the first time she wondered if the steam was indicative of a forthcoming eruption, but Zim had assured her that they were safe. He'd be in danger too, after all, she thought.
Tearing her eyes away from the scene awaiting them, she looked at Zim with an incredible vulnerability. "What if I fall?"
Saying nothing, Zim turned toward the doorway. Reaching back, he grabbed her hand and gripped it tightly, reassuringly, and placed the palm of his other hand on an invisible barrier between them and the outside world. Jex had no time to spend in surprise over Zim's hand in hers, because the shield disappeared and they were immediately buffeted by a strong wind. A wind that normally would have ripped Jex's breath from her lungs, but that she seemed to be immune to other than feeling a little unsteady on her feet. Apparently Zim's Irken technology actually was pretty impressive.
As Zim stepped forward, she took a deep breath and followed him. The sound of the wind was staggering in and of itself, let alone the sheer force of the constant gale. Jex now gripped Zim's hand very tightly, terrified that she was going to fall. What she hadn't told him was that she had an intense fear of heights that had crippled her with fear on numerous occasions; she didn't want to reveal such a weakness to someone who prided himself on his power.
Walking forward, she finally looked down at the ground beneath her feet. It was more substantial than she had feared, a hilly region rather than a true narrow edge to the cavernous mouth far to their right, but it was covered with snow and ice.
"ZIM!" she shouted over the roar of the wind. "It's pretty slippery!"
"Don't worry!" he yelled. "Just enjoy it!"
Enjoy it, she thought, taking another deep breath and closing her eyes to steel her nerves. Shifting her weight as she prepared to walk forward, she slipped a little. It wasn't enough to put her in any real danger, little more than slipping on a small patch of ice on the sidewalk, but it terrified her beyond measure. "Oh shit!" she shouted in panic, breaking free of Zim's hand and crouching down to the ground.
Zim looked at her curiously. "Is the view better down there, human?"
Shutting her eyes as tightly as a child afraid of the dark and ignoring Zim's quip, she reassured herself with the substantial feeling of keeping her center of gravity closer to the ground. "I'm not going to fall, I'm not going to fall, I'm not going to fall..." she was chanting quietly to herself.
Images of her sunlit lake flooded her mind as she smelled the comforting scent of that sweet, earthy aroma. She continued chanting quietly, doing her best to convince herself that her mantra was true, that no, she would fall. Neither into the mouth of the volcano nor off the side of the mountain. She would not fall, she would not fall... and that wonderful scent would keep her safe, memories of the lake and her father would keep her safe, there was nothing to be afraid of--
"There's nothing to be afraid of." Zim's voice was right next to Jex, startling her out of her meditation as he put one arm around her back, gripping her arm with the other, and urged her to stand up. "You're not going to fall."
Jex looked at him bending over her and realized again that the familiar scent she had been luxuriating in was coming from him.
Shaking her head vigorously, Jex insisted, "No, I can't, I can't--"
Using his great strength with a kindness she hadn't anticipated, Zim pulled her to her feet. She felt like her center of gravity wanted to be close to the ground and fought him, but in the end Zim successfully helped her to her feet as she gripped his arms to steady herself. Her knees remained bent as though she would sink back down to the ground at any moment, but he kept his hands on her arms as well to reassure her of her safety.
"Look," Zim said as he nodded his head toward the scene beyond the mountain, away from the center of the volcano, away from the steam.
Jex was staring at him, eyes wide with panic, trying desperately not to hyperventilate with fear. They were so high. "It's so..." so high, she started to say, but then looking into Zim's large red eyes, she found them unusually calming. Why would he be out here if it was dangerous? Would he let her fall? He was helping her now, but could she trust him not to let her fall? He couldn't be all that invested in her well-being, but there didn't seem to be much point in bringing her out here just to let her fall...
Then Jex realized that the light hitting Zim's face started to take on a faint orange tinge.
Bracing herself, she straightened up and let go of his arms. She was determined not to continue succumbing to her weakness in front of him. Turning to look in the direction in which Zim had nodded, the view immediately took her breath away.
"Oh my god!" she gasped.
The computer had told her that they were on an island, but this was beyond anything she could have anticipated. The sun, the large and fiery god she knew and loved, slowly dipped below the horizon of the ocean. There was nothing to block her view of this magnificent sunset, neither the steam behind them nor land. Just open ocean beyond the island and the sun's deep glow burning a path across the water. "It's on fire," she said quietly. "The water is on fire." Emotion swept through her and she grabbed Zim's hand to steady herself again, this time feeling lightheaded from the sheer awe of it.
Looking over at Jex, Zim was genuinely... happy, was it? Or glad at least, glad to see she was enjoying their little outing. Part of him felt his ego inflated by the notion that his actions would incite such emotion in another, while another aspect of his mind found it a little disturbing that he should enjoy eliciting anything other than fear and subservience from an inferior alien creature.
They were silent, the wind howling a song around them and whipping Jex's ponytail around her face as the sun slipped away into its nightly resting place.
Twenty minutes later, when the sky was dark save for a soft glow of light emanating from behind the horizon, Jex wiped several tears from her cheeks and let go of Zim's hand. She turned to him with a distant but calm expression and asked, "Did you know? How did you know?"
He knew what she was asking, but there was something left to show her. Smiling a little, he casually pointed toward the sky behind her and his eyes followed his own gesture.
Curious, she turned to look, met by a sight that could only have been described as heavenly. Otherworldly. Never in her life had she dreamed of such a mesmerizing vision of beauty, for dancing in the sky were smooth ribbons of colored light. A master artist had caressed the night with his paintbrush, leaving paths of illuminated beauty in its wake. The sky was on fire, exploding with color and magic. As people in her city were busy being plagued by thoughts of corporate deadlines and political scandal, they were unaware that this hypnotic display was illuminating their world. Jex felt so far removed from everything she had ever known. None of it mattered now.
Shifting his gaze from the aurora borealis to Jex, Zim could see that she had completely forgotten her fear. Arms outspread slightly, palms turned up, she seemed to be drinking in the light of the night sky. He felt moved by her reaction, her connection to the star that sustained the life on her planet. From the rays of the sun to the solar flares dancing above their heads, she was a creature of the light. Like so many things on this planet, Zim wasn't sure he even knew what to make of that, if he had anything to compare it to or any context in which to place it.
A small thought crept into his mind and nestled itself deep within his subconscious. Nothing more than a seed, but if cultivated it would grow into a dangerous thing: a question about his very nature. Having known nothing but the life of a soldier, a military researcher and an elite member of the Irken military, he had no idea what it meant to be bathed in light the way she was. No, not bathed in light, created in light. Glowing from the inside out. He wondered briefly if this was part of the human condition, or if it was unique to Jex.
She turned to him, face still stained with the remnants of tears. "I didn't think I'd say something like this to you, but thank you," she said with a faint smile. "Even if my life is short, I'll never forget this."
Zim felt a cold hand grip something deep within his chest. For the first time in his life, he was overcome with regret. She believed he would kill her, either deliberately or as a casualty of the impending invasion, and with good reason. That was his intention... no human would remain to clutter the surface of Earth once his elegant plan was realized.
Not even Jex would see the aurora borealis dance in the sky when he was finished with this place. His success was almost guaranteed in his mind, so what room was there for regret? Nevertheless, there was now a tiny loose thread in the fabric of his life, and if he tugged on it he knew he would unravel from the inside out.
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Capax Infiniti