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Animated Joe Schmo	By : Waitohooru Category: +S through Z > South Park > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 2639 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoon(s) that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
WARNING! The following story has strong language and adult themes, and due to its content should not be read by anyone. Which means you'll probably read it anyway. Oh, and by the way, if you like this fanfic, check out JusSonic's rip- er, spinoff Justin Schmo on www.fosff.net...

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EPISODE 4 RECAP
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WAITOHOORU(VO): Previously, on Animated Joe Schmo...
WAITOHOORU: It's going to be something you'll really like, trust me! But don't open them until I tell you that you can!
WAITOHOORU(VO): The episode began innocently enough, with yours truly handing out autographed headshots...
STAN(CC): Waitohooru gives us these envelopes, and each of them contains a photo of himself which he signed.
CLARA: Oh gosh... mine says "To Princess Clara --- You truly are, literally, a storybook princess. Hope you find your Prince Charming... in fact, he is a lot closer to you than you think! Sincerely, Waitohooru."
FOXXY[to Clara]: Ooh, I think he love you!
WAITOHOORU(VO): But the headshots were really a plot device that introduced Stan to a love triangle involving Clara, Toot, and the host!
STAN: What's wrong, Toot?
TOOT: You don't want to see how he signed mine... trust me.
CAPTAIN HERO: What's the big deal? I mean, he could have signed it "To Toot, From Waitohooru" like everyone else, right?
TOOT: That's not how he signed mine! Look!
[Toot shows everyone her headshot.]
STAN: Damn...
TOOT: See? He didn't even write my name!
WAITOHOORU(VO): Before the immunity challenge, Stan warned Spanky in advance of the possible ramifications of his actions...
STAN: Look, Spanky... all I'm saying is, just because you got away with it last time, doesn't mean you can get away with it this time.
SPANKY: Is that so...
STAN: Dude, you are going to be watched! By three judges! They are going to rate your performance! They certainly aren't going to give anything as sick and twisted as what you did high marks!
WAITOHOORU(VO): But Spanky surprised everyone by singing a delightful rendition of "Danny Boy"...
SPANKY[singing, and rather well]: Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are ca-a-alling... from glen to glen, and down the mountainside...
STAN(CC): Is this the same Spanky Ham who pisses and sh**s on people? What's going on here?
WAITOHOORU(VO): And the judges agreed...
JAY: Well, "Danny Boy" is one of my favorite childhood songs. Hearing Spanky sing that awakened the pleasant memory of hearing that song for the first time! Bravo, Spanky! You get a 9!
SPANKY: Sweet!
STRONG BAD: Man... I don't know what to say! This song is like, older than old-school, man... if that were totally possible! So, Spanky... congrats. I will give you a 9 also!
SPANKY: Oh yeah, baby!
RURI: Well, Spanky, your act was the least stupid. I'll give you a 7!
[Spanky pumps both fists in the air excitedly.]
SPANKY: YES!!!
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...and this, of course, resulted in Spanky winning the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe for the second time in a row!
SPANKY: It is so good to have you back, m'boy! Spanky really missed you!
STAN: Dude, it was only for one hour! Jesus Christ!
WAITOHOORU(VO): With Spanky immune yet again, Stan had to choose yet another target...
STAN(CC): Toot has been acting like a bitch recently.
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...and several of the houseguests tried to sway him!
TOOT: Well, that settles it. We've gotta vote off Captain Hero.
CAPTAIN HERO: Well, that does it. We've got to get rid of Xandir, then!
WOOLDOOR: He's voting against Toot! We made a promise!
STAN(CC): I tell ya, if Spanky never won immunity, it never would have been like this!
WAITOHOORU(VO): Stan finally chose a target...
STAN: Toot, no hard feelings, but you've been a bitch lately. You've turned people against each other, and I simply cannot have that here.
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...but it was Captain Hero who ended up being the second "evicted".
WAITOHOORU: With four votes against you... Captain Hero, your show has been cancelled.
[Waitohooru throws Captain Hero's cel in the burning fire in the fireplace. The fire gradually consumes the drawing, and powerful as he is, not even the tears from Captain Hero's eyes can extinguish the fire that devours the cel.]
*
*
*
* * *
[Shot of Stan Marsh.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): This is Stan Marsh, an 8-year-old boy from the hit television series "South Park".
[Shot of the front of the Drawn Together House. The Drawn Together logo is superimposed over it.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): For the next 8 days, he will, without knowing it, be the star of a reality show that he doesn't know is FAKE!
[Shot of the Drawn Together logo shattering into pieces.]
[Montage of the eight Drawn Together housemates.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): He thinks his housemates are characters from actual cartoon shows of the past and present, but what he doesn't know is that all of them were specifically created for a cartoon series called "Drawn Together", which he doesn't know actually exists. His housemates are...
[Shot of Princess Clara singing her heart out outside the swimming pool.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Princess Clara as "The Virgin"...
[Shot of Wooldoor Sockbat, being hyperactive as usual.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Wooldoor Sockbat as "The Freak"...
[Shot of Foxxy Love shakin' her booty while listening to the stereo.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Foxxy Love as "The Sistah"...
[Shot of Toot Braunstein doing her daily routine of cleaning out the fridge.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Toot Braunstein as "The Bitch"...
[Shot of Ling-Ling charging up energy for an upcoming battle.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Ling-Ling as "The Schemer"...
[Shot of Xandir practicing swinging his sword around.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Xandir as "The Gotta-Be-Gay Guy"...
[Shot of Spanky Ham peeing on a couch cushion.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Spanky Ham as "The Asshole"...
[Shot of Captain Hero lifting some weights.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Captain Hero as "The Jock"...
[Shot of Waitohooru, the host, in front of the Drawn Together House.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): And me, Waitohooru, as "The Smarmy Host".
[Montage of various scenes from the series.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): How long will Stan last in the Drawn Together House without discovering the truth?
[Shot of Stan in the Drawn Together House, talking to someone.]
STAN: Dude, this is really f***ed up right here.
WAITOHOORU(VO): Find out, on the Animated Joe Schmo Show!
* * *
WHO'S STILL IN THE HOUSE:
STAN MARSH (A-duuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh!)
PRINCESS CLARA
WOOLDOOR SOCKBAT
FOXXY LOVE
TOOT BRAUNSTEIN
XANDIR
SPANKY HAM
* * *
***************************
EPISODE 5: THE BLACK MARKET
***************************
* * *
*****
DAY 5
*****
************
CAST MEETING
************
[Shot of the six remaining cast members having a meeting (duh, why else would it be called a cast meeting, genius?) in the trailer, with the members of the Animation Alliance.]
TOM: I'm impressed. I really am, I'm impressed... we're at the halfway point, so you six should be proud of yourselves!
ALL 6 DRAWN TOGETHER CAST MEMBERS: Woo hoo!
MANNY: But don't get too cocky, because it gets more difficult from here on!
JANE: That's right! There are going to be more complicated storylines, and tougher situations for Stan, and for you, to overcome... God, I love all this intensity!
TOOT: My kind of woman!
MIKE: Are you sure you can handle your first day in which we have a reward challenge AND an immunity challenge AND an eviction... all on the same day?
FOXXY: Oh, sho' we can handle it, y'all! We been through worse sh** than what Stan go through NOW, believe you me, honey!
CLARA: That's right!
ARTIE: I guess the experience shows!
XANDIR: That's right, and as we receive experience, we gain several levels... and of course, our stats increase!
BARB: I figured you'd come up with an RPG-related metaphor, Xandir!
XANDIR: 'S what I do best! [giggles]
BARB: Well, here's one for you... continue fighting the demons that prevent you from succeeding in your quest, and you'll eventually reach the final boss, and when you defeat that final boss, you'll win the game!
[Silence.]
BARB[to everyone]: Am I the only one around here who plays video games?!
MANNY: Actually, I play video games, too. Chill, Barb!
ARTIE: Yeah, so do I!
WOOLDOOR: And so do we!
FOXXY: Mm-hmm!
[Silence.]
BARB: Okay then, the message is still clear. Go out there, and continue to do your best!
CLARA: We shan't fail you this time!
* * *
[Shot of Stan, still in his camera confessional, being interviewed by Tim.]
STAN(CC): Oh man... these mornings in the Drawn Together house have been tough, since Wooldoor Sockbat keeps waking me up every morning. But this morning, someone else beat him to it...
* * *
[Flashback to this morning, where Stan is sleeping in his room in the Master Bedroom. However, a loud, annoying voice wakes him up.]
SPANKY(OS): Yay! It's morning! Everybody wake up, it's morning! Time to get your butts outta bed!
WOOLDOOR(OS): Hey! *I* was gonna tell everyone that!
SPANKY(OS): Well, tough sh**! I was up first, so I get to say it, Wooldick!
WOOLDOOR(OS): Aw...
* * *
STAN(CC): Spanky was really excited this morning, and he wanted to tell everyone something... and it was one story I definitely shouldn't have listened to!
[Shot of all seven contestants in the dining room. Spanky stands up on his chair, excitedly.]
XANDIR: So, Spanky, you seem chipper this morning. What happened?
STAN: If it's because you won immunity, we already know that!
TOOT: Yeah, shut the f*** up already!
SPANKY: No, it's not that, everyone! You see, the Spankster got himself some action last night!
XANDIR: Ooh! And who was it with?
SPANKY[motioning toward Foxxy]: Why, it was with this fine black woman over here!
FOXXY[admittedly]: Mm-hmm. That's right, y'all!
[Now Stan is shocked more than ever.]
STAN: No way!
STAN(CC): Spanky told us that he had sex with Foxxy Love last night. Really? When the hell did THAT happen? When did Foxxy suddenly have sex with a prick like HIM? If there's something I should know, someone should tell me!
SPANKY: Yes way! Spanky Ham got laid, people!
WOOLDOOR[excited]: Why, congratulations, Spanky!
[Wooldoor raises his hands in the air, and claps them repeatedly.]
WOOLDOOR: Yaaaaaaaaaay!!!
[No one else claps. Instead, everyone (except Spanky) just turns and stares at Wooldoor.]
SPANKY: Anyway, last night, on the living room couch, while you were all sleeping, the two of us were freaking!
FOXXY: Yeah, we listen to some Barry White music, we turn the lights down low, and we took off our clothes... we got all nekkid on the couch!
SPANKY: That's right! This woman made my schlong grow, but even after that, I could still insert it into her massive vagina!
[Stan closes his eyes and blocks his ears to avoid imagining the disgusting scenario.]
STAN: Ugh... gross, dude!
CLARA: But, Spanky, why did you do this? Father told me a white person must never have sex with a black person... particularly not if both are the same sex! People who break that law usually end up getting thrown in the royal dungeon!
XANDIR: And, of course, I'd probably end up rescuing them, right?
SPANKY: Well, A, I'm pink, not white, and 2, ever hear of the saying "once you go black, you never go back"?
XANDIR: Yeah, when I was a child, and I went to the Ritual Temple to sign up for job classes! My teacher taught me that the Black Summoner class was cursed, and signing up for it would so corrupt my soul and turn me into, like, an evil demon, hence "once you go black, you never go back"... sooooo, I took the Adventurer class.
SPANKY: Well, that... and the fact that I saw these black pot-bellied pigs on the Internet! I mean, those pigs get to sleep with a whole lot of people... even celebrities! So, that night, I thought it would be time to experiment in a little cross-breeding, so to speak.
WOOLDOOR: You experimented in cross-breeding? Maybe you did a lot better than I did!
[Wooldoor pulls out two crosses from ass space.]
WOOLDOOR: See? I still can't get these two to breed, no matter what I do!
SPANKY: Uh, that isn't what cross-breeding is, retard.
WOOLDOOR: It isn't? Oh, now I'm NEVER gonna figure it out!
[Stan continues to close his eyes, and block his ears, through all of this.]
STAN[under his breath]: Jesus tap-dancing Christ...
SPANKY: Anyway, the point is, I can now become black without having a bunch of ink squirted all over me! And of course, THAT happened when I had sex with an octopus back in July! Trust me, there were tentacles everywhere! You really should have been there.
STAN: Dear God... [to Foxxy] Foxxy, why on earth would you do this?
[Foxxy places a hand on Stan's shoulder.]
FOXXY: Sorry, chile. Foxxy didn't know what she was thankin'.
TOOT: I guess I was right! That slutbag will get into bed with anybody, no matter HOW disgusting they are!
[Foxxy is a bit offended by Toot's comment.]
FOXXY[to Toot]: Shut yo' mouth!
TOOT[frightened]: Shutting it.
STAN(CC): It seems Spanky wants to stay in the Drawn Together house so he can keep committing these sick acts of his, which he finds amusing, and which I don't. It seems like every day, I keep finding another reason to want to vote him off, and I can't even COUNT them all!
[Shot of Spanky and Foxxy sharing a camera confessional.]
FOXXY(CC): Lawd, Stan such a dumbass! He actually believe Spanky and I went all freaky last night? I tell ya, if Joe Schmo were black, he wouldn'ta fallen fo' that!
SPANKY(CC): Yeah, I think this scenario WAS a bit wild... even for MY standards!
FOXXY(CC): And it woulda gotten cut outta the script if not fo' yo' chance ta HAM it up!
SPANKY(CC): Ooh, good one, sister!
FOXXY(CC): High five!
[Spanky and Foxxy high-five each other.]
SPANKY(CC): Low five!
[Spanky and Foxxy now LOW-five each other.]
FOXXY(CC): Now bump!
[Spanky and Foxxy bump (that is, knock butts with each other). However, her bump sends Spanky flying out of the confessional room, creating a huge hole in the room's ceiling.]
FOXXY(CC): Foxxy RILLY don't know her own strength...
* * *
[Shot of Spanky flying through the sky, thanks to Foxxy's bump.]
SPANKY: Yeah, that lady is the master of the bump, all right! Hopefully, I can land fast enough to get back to the Drawn Together house in time for the next reward challenge!
[However, while Spanky is flying, he notices Captain Hero flying past him.]
SPANKY[to Captain Hero]: Hey, Captain Hero.
CAPTAIN HERO[to Spanky]: Hey, Spanky.
* * *
*
*
*
[Shot of the courtyard of the Drawn Together house. It is set up to look like a Japanese sumo arena. Lying on the arena are seven cheap-looking sumo costumes, each with one of the contestants' names on them. There is also a table with some item on it, apparently covered up by a blue curtain.]
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REWARD CHALLENGE 3: SO SUMO ME
******************************
* * *
[Shot of the seven contestants entering the courtyard. Waitohooru is also there, and he addresses the group.]
WAITOHOORU: Well, well, well... our little group of eight is now down to seven, as I see Captain Hero is no longer with you. Okay, this next challenge is called "So Sumo Me", and will test your physical strength. The object of this challenge is simple. Each of you must get into one of these seven sumo suits [motions toward the sumo suits], and you will fight each other while wearing these, while following the traditional rules of sumo. You must fight using your body... or rather your sumo body, and that alone. You must not use any other weapons, for use of any weapons other than the sumo suit will result in an instant disqualification. To win, you must either force your opponent on his or her back, or force your opponent out of the ring. Those are the two ways you can eliminate your opponent. There will be two preliminary matches, and the winners of those two matches will square off in the final round. The winner of that round wins reward!
[The seven contestants are excited.]
WAITOHOORU: And the reward for this challenge is...
[Waitohooru takes the blue curtain off of the mystery item, which is revealed to be a big-screen TV.]
WAITOHOORU: ...this 25-inch television set, with built-in VCR, from Panasonic!
[For some reason, some cartoony rays of light surround the TV, indicating that the item they are playing for is very valuable and sought-after.]
ALL: Ooh!
STAN(CC): The TV set is something I am really looking forward to! I would have one in my own room, and Shelley would really be jealous of me!
WAITOHOORU: Ah, you like the TV? And you'll really like the challenge, as it will be a great way to relieve all that stress after being cooped up in the house for four days, and you'll be able to release all that frustration! ...But, actually...
[Suddenly, Ling-Ling appears next to Waitohooru.]
WAITOHOORU: ...the whole challenge was Ling-Ling's idea.
LING-LING: (That's right, Americans! Ling-Ling wanted to see group of American idiots fight to death over object of materialism. Then again, Ling-Ling see that every day, only not in sumo ring.)
WAITOHOORU: Now, if everyone will get into their sumo suits, we'll get started!
* * *
[Shot of the seven contestants getting into their sumo costumes.]
STAN(CC): So then we put on our sumo suits in order to prepare for the sumo challenge. But one of us had a bit of trouble with her costume.
[Shot of Clara having a bit of a panic attack while trying on her sumo costume.]
CLARA(CC): According to the story, I'm supposed to have a panic attack while trying on my costume, and I'd become very uncomfortable. To tell you the truth, I really would be uncomfortable while trying one of those things on! Ooh, Father warned me about the Taiwanese! It's like they just want to make people's clothes uncomfortable on purpose! After all, would YOU wear a sumo costume that has "Made in Taiwan" written on it?
CLARA: My god... this costume is too uncomfortable! I... I...
[Clara cries her eyes out.]
CLARA: I don't want to go through with this...!
[Waitohooru instantly walks up to a crying Clara.]
WAITOHOORU: I'm guessing by your reluctance to try on the costume that you're afraid to participate in this challenge.
CLARA: Yes, I'm mortified.
[Waitohooru places a comforting hand on Clara's shoulder.]
WAITOHOORU: There, there, sweetie. You don't have to do this if you don't want to. Of course, you'll miss out on an opportunity to get a Panasonic TV.
CLARA: That's fine by me. This challenge is barbaric, and besides... the crown doesn't believe in imported products anyway.
[Waitohooru pulls Clara aside, and comforts her some more.]
STAN(CC): So Clara decided to sit out of the challenge. If she was going to wimp out, maybe she shouldn't have tried on the costume to begin with. Wait a minute... is it just me, or does this whole scenario sound familiar?
[Shot of Waitohooru and Clara sharing the same camera confessional.]
WAITOHOORU(CC): Yep, this whole thing is scripted so that Clara would opt out of the challenge!
CLARA(CC): That's right, and I would be right by the host's side the whole time!
WAITOHOORU(CC): This further adds to the picture in Stan's head that Clara and I have a crush on each other!
CLARA(CC): Oh, how low we have come... reducing ourselves to shamelessly displaying falsified affection for each other in front of Stan... we're no better off than the French!
[Toot, while putting her costume on, instantly notices that Waitohooru is comforting Clara, her "rival".]
TOOT: Look at the two of them... those two are so lovey-dovey it makes me sick! ...Wait, I think I have an idea...
[Toot suddenly runs over to both Clara and Waitohooru.]
STAN: Toot, what are you doing?
STAN(CC): And all of a sudden Toot went up to the host! I think she's a bit mad that he's giving Clara attention, so, you guessed it, she wants him to give HER some attention as well.
TOOT(CC): And, I, the third leg of the "love triangle" throughout this whole series, am once again bitter that the princess and the host are together! You know what? I'm glad I wasn't the one written off yesterday's episode, because, admit it, I make things a hell of a lot more interesting! Hee hee hee, toot!
WAITOHOORU[to Toot]: Oh, hi, Toot.
TOOT[in sexy voice]: Oh, Waitohooru... I'm having a bit of trouble with my costume! It feels so uncomfortable... I could definitely use the support of a big strong man right about now!
WAITOHOORU: Toot... you're not uncomfortable, and I know you just want to be with me! Get back to the challenge and join the others, okay?
TOOT[under her breath]: Rats!
SPANKY: Besides, wouldn't a sumo costume on you be redundant? You're already chunky enough as it is!
TOOT[shouting]: SHUT UP!!!
* * *
[Eventually, the six contestants other than Clara put on their sumo costumes.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, I trust you're all enjoying your sumo outfits!
SPANKY: You betcha! I can't wait to win that TV!
FOXXY: Foxxy wanna win this too, since her reason better than Spanky's! Plus, Spanky'll just pee all over it.
SPANKY[under his breath]: How did you know about THAT, black woman...
WAITOHOORU: All right then, to determine which match you're going to be fighting in...
[Ling-Ling pulls out a tray of six fortune cookies from fortune cookie space, and shows it to everyone.]
WAITOHOORU: ...pick one of these six fortune cookies from the tray Ling-Ling is holding!
[Each of the six remaining contestants, including Stan, takes a fortune cookie from the tray.]
STAN(CC): Each of the fortune cookies had a piece of paper reading either "1" or "2" inside, determining which match we would be fighting in, and who we should face.
[Shot of Stan opening his fortune cookie, which contains a piece of paper with the number "1" written on it.]
STAN(CC): My fortune cookie had the number 1 inside, which means I would be fighting in the first match...
[Pan to an individual shot of one of Stan's opponents.]
STAN(VO): ...and in that match, I would have to face Xandir...
[Pan to an individual shot of Stan's other opponent.]
STAN(VO): ...and Spanky.
STAN(CC): Actually, I've wanted to fight Spanky, because I certainly don't want him to win... plus I'm a bit pissed off at what he did last night to Foxxy. Of course, Xandir's probably stronger than either of us, so even if I don't defeat him, I hope Xandir does.
XANDIR(CC): This reward challenge is rigged so that, surprisingly enough, Stan emerges as the victor! Yeah, I know it's surprising, since he's probably, like, the smallest out of all of us still remaining, and he's not that strong. But we all want him to feel like he's the strongest out of all of us today, and possibly boost his spirits a bit. How's THAT for a subquest?
* * *
[Stan, Spanky, and Xandir get onto the arena.]
SPANKY[to Xandir]: So, this must be your ultimate fantasy, huh, gay boy? Wrestling with two fat guys in loincloths?
XANDIR: Shut up, Spanky! You are so going down!
STAN: Besides, I can't wait to actually beat you at something for a change!
SPANKY: Fat chance! The TV is mine!
[Ling-Ling rings the gong, indicating the start of the match.]
**************************************************
SUMO CONTESTING
ENCOUNTER 1 - SPANKY HAM VS. STAN MARSH VS. XANDIR
LET'S GET READY FOR CHALLENGING!
**************************************************
[As the match begins, the competitors are trying to beat each other... or rather, Stan's the only one really trying, as the others are throwing the competition while making it look believable as possible.]
[Also, Waitohooru and Ling-Ling are commentating on the match (with Clara by Waitohooru's side of course).]
WAITOHOORU[to Ling-Ling]: So, Ling-Ling, what's going on?
[Shot of Spanky getting double-teamed by both Stan and Xandir, who flip him onto his back.]
LING-LING(OS): (Stan is using Reversal Flip in tandem with Xandir who are both using the Reversal Flip on Spanky and thus preventing him from succeeding.)
WAITOHOORU(OS): You know what, Ling-Ling? Maybe *I* should do the commentary from now on...
STAN(CC): Yes! I finally beat Spanky at something! Of course, Xandir helped me out, but it feels so sweet to actually put that asshole in his place... I feel so vindicated!
[Now Stan and Xandir are really going at each other...]
STAN[to Xandir]: Grr!
XANDIR[to Stan]: Grr!
[...and at this point, Xandir strategically positions himself to "accidently" flip over an unconscious Spanky, knocking Xandir down as well. Stan takes advantage of this, and flips him over like a pancake.]
WAITOHOORU: The winner of the first match... is Stan Marsh!
[Each of the other contestants (except for Spanky and Xandir, who are unconscious) clap for Stan.]
STAN(CC): I'm so surprised... I never thought I'd be able to win that match! I think both of those guys were stronger than me, and I beat both of them today. I'm much stronger than I thought I was.
* * *
[Cut to the second match. Foxxy, Wooldoor, and Toot now get onto the arena.]
FOXXY[to Toot]: Time fo' Foxxy to cook this jive turkey!
TOOT[to Foxxy]: Talk is cheap... and so are YOU, you cheap floozy!
WOOLDOOR: I want my mommy...
[Ling-Ling rings the gong, indicating the start of THIS match.]
*****************************************************************
SUMO CONTESTING
ENCOUNTER 2 - FOXXY LOVE VS. TOOT BRAUNSTEIN VS. WOOLDOOR SOCKBAT
BEGIN MORE FIGHTINGS!
*****************************************************************
[Of course, since this match doesn't involve Stan, it's sort of filler, but I will describe it anyway. So... Foxxy and Toot are really going at each other, huh?]
TOOT[to Foxxy]: Time for you to go down, blackie!
FOXXY[to Toot]: Make me... uh, black-and-whitey!
[Toot tries to knock Foxxy down, however, Foxxy dodges out of the way, causing Toot to knock Wooldoor, who was standing behind Foxxy, out of the ring. While Toot's back is turned, Foxxy quickly flips Toot over on her back.]
FOXXY: Foxxy knew watchin' all them episodes of Hong Kong Phooey would come in handy one day!
WAITOHOORU: Oh boy, this match was sure quick... the winner of this match is Foxxy Love!
[The other contestants (other than Toot and Wooldoor, who are out cold), cheer Foxxy on.]
FOXXY: Foxxy Love here to represent, y'all!
WAITOHOORU: This means that she automatically advances to the final round, where her opponent will be 8-year-old Stan Marsh from South Park! The match will begin shortly.
[At this point, Foxxy gets out of the arena, and approaches Stan for a while.]
FOXXY[to Stan]: Boy, can I talk to you for a bit?
STAN(CC): After Foxxy fought her match, she said she wanted to pull me aside and talk to me. I thought she wanted to tell me in more detail about what happened last night, in HER words, of course.
* * *
[Cut to a shot of Stan being pulled aside by Foxxy, in a clearing behind the arena.]
STAN: Okay, what is it?
FOXXY: Well, chile, it's two thangs. One, 'bout last night... well... Foxxy had ta do this, since none of the otha' contestants are black, and Foxxy waited until she finally find someone not afraid to hook up with a black girl, regardless of the color of his skin. And two... Foxxy want to ax you a question...
STAN: Well, what did you want to ask me?
FOXXY: Stan... will you throw the match and let Foxxy win the TV set?
STAN: Huh?
FOXXY: Please, help a sistah out...
STAN(CC): She suddenly wanted me to throw the tournament so that she can win, and she could win the Panasonic TV.
STAN: And why do you want the TV set so bad?
FOXXY: Well, chile...
[Suddenly, some sad violin music plays in the background, indicating an obligatory tragic past.]
FOXXY: ...when Foxxy was a little girl, her family never had a TV set.
STAN: Whoa!
FOXXY: Y'see, Foxxy's whole chilehood was spent in the ghetto. Her family could never afford a TV. So, Foxxy had to get a job to get one, and that's how the Foxxy Five got started.
STAN: I see...
FOXXY: The Foxxy Five played fo' a lot of people around the world, and Foxxy finally got enough money to buy a TV of her vera own, but...
[Foxxy breaks down in tears.]
STAN: What happened?
FOXXY: Well, just as soon as Foxxy bought the TV, it was shot at. In a drive-by. There are now a lotta bullet holes in it and everythang. So Foxxy come on this show to try to win anotha' one!
STAN: Dude... that is so sad. I'm so sorry for you.
[Stan places a comforting hand on Foxxy's shoulder.]
STAN(CC): Foxxy really wanted me to give that to her... I guess she wanted it as badly as I do... so I know how she feels! But I don't know... after all, she DID have sex with Spanky last night... so... so I'm confused now. I don't know what I should do.
FOXXY(CC): This whole story 'bout Foxxy livin' in the ghetto and not bein' able to afford a TV was a bit cheesy, ya gotta admit... however, the AA assured me it was just another way to figger out what kinda boy Stan is. So that way, after the challenge, Foxxy'll find out whether Stan a generous boy or a selfish boy. Foxxy can neva' tell with white people.
FOXXY: Stan... you don't have to do this fo' me if ya don't wanna... you can just do wha'eva' you want, Foxxy don't care!
STAN: Foxxy... I'll... I'll think about it.
FOXXY: Atta boy, Stan! Foxxy'll be proud of ya anyway, no matter whatcha do!
STAN: Okay!
* * *
[It's time for the final match. Stan and Foxxy take their positions on the arena.]
STAN[to Foxxy]: Okay, Foxxy, let's settle this!
FOXXY[to Stan]: Sayonara, suckah!
[Ling-Ling rings the gong, indicating the start of the final match.]
*******************************************
SUMO CONTESTING
FINAL ENCOUNTER - FOXXY LOVE VS. STAN MARSH
SO START THE FINISH!
*******************************************
STAN(CC): I'm at a difficult position now. If I win, I get the TV, but then Foxxy won't get one... and if I lose, she will definitely get one, but... this will be the fifth challenge in which I won't have won anything. I really want my family to be proud of me... I wish they were here now more than ever, because I could sure as hell use their advice!
FOXXY(CC): So I have to take this fall to allow the li'l white boy to win, and of course, I have to make it look all convincin'...
[Foxxy lunges toward Stan, but "conveniently" misses him and falls flat on her face, allowing Stan to pin her.]
WAITOHOORU: The winner of the reward challenge is... Stan Marsh!
[Everyone, except for a pinned-down Foxxy, applauds Stan.]
STAN: Sweet, dude! I've finally won something!
WAITOHOORU: And for winning this challenge, Stan receives the 25-inch Panasonic TV with built-in VCR, which he can take home with him after the show!
STAN: Kick ass!
[Suddenly, Stan notices Foxxy crying her eyes out.]
STAN: Um, would you excuse me a moment?
WAITOHOORU: Why, sure, Stan, what's wrong?
[Stan approaches Foxxy.]
FOXXY[crying]: Oh lawd... Foxxy really wanted that TV... why, God? Why you take the TV away from a black woman who needs it the most? Whyyyyyy?
[Foxxy continues to cry her eyes out.]
STAN[to Waitohooru]: Um, is it okay if I give the TV to Foxxy instead? Because she told me she really wants one.
WAITOHOORU: Well, I don't know... you did earn that TV fair and square...
STAN: Trust me, dude, this is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
WAITOHOORU: Well, if that's what you really want to do, Stan... okay. So be it. Stan Marsh has chosen to relinquish his reward of a Panasonic TV to Foxxy. So Foxxy Love will now be taking the TV home with her after the show!
[Foxxy suddenly smiles, and becomes excited.]
FOXXY: Oh, hallelujah! Oh, glory! There IS a god! And Foxxy always believed in Him!
[Foxxy pumps her fists in the air triumphantly.]
FOXXY: Yes! Foxxy can finally watch a TV of her own! Yay-uh!
WAITOHOORU(CC): This whole scenario was a setup to not only let Stan win, but to see if Stan would give his prize to Foxxy, and he did just that! We're so proud he's on the show, because he's helping us move the story along!
FOXXY(CC): Foxxy so glad Stan gave her that TV set. Of course, Stan gone get one of his own afta' the show, but he don't know that!
WAITOHOORU: And thus ends the first ever Drawn Together Sumo Showdown! Thank you, everyone, and thank you, Ling-Ling, for your cooperation!
LING-LING: (And thank you, everyone, for proving to me that Americans are much stupider now than Ling-Ling see before!)
WAITOHOORU: Uh... thanks again, Ling-Ling.
LING-LING: Domo arigatou, Waitohooru-san.
[Waitohooru and Ling-Ling bow to each other.]
* * *
[Fast-forward a bit to some Stan, who is lounging in the hot tub, trying to relax after a harrowing reward challenge.]
STAN(CC): The first challenge I ever won on this show... and I actually won a TV. And I gave it to someone else! I only hope that it doesn't come back to bite me in the ass... Anyway, I thought relaxing in the hot tub would get my mind off that event.
WOOLDOOR(OS): Nooooooo!!! Put me down, Spanky!
SPANKY(OS): Oh no, you don't! You're learning how to swim, Spongebob!
WOOLDOOR(OS): I told you, my name isn't... AAAAAAAAAAA!!!
[Notice that I said "trying to relax"... as Spanky enters the courtyard holding up an extremely panicky Wooldoor Sockbat with both hands.]
STAN(CC): But then, I saw Spanky coming out of the house, and he was holding Wooldoor in his hands. Unless I'm mistaken, Spanky was trying to drown him! That sick son of a bitch...
[Spanky, still holding Wooldoor in his hands, approaches the swimming pool.]
WOOLDOOR: No! Not there! Please!
SPANKY: Oh come on, Spongebob! A little water won't kill ya!
[Wooldoor is still squirming, trying to get out of Spanky's tight grip, as Spanky begins to dip Wooldoor slowly into the water (which actually won't kill him) at the deep end of the pool.]
STAN[under his breath]: Oh, Jesus...
[Stan gets out of the hot tub, wrapping a towel around his soaking body. After all, Towelie told him "Don't forget to bring a towel". Of course, Towelie also told him "You wanna get high?", but you get the idea.]
WOOLDOOR: Help! Someone save me!
[Stan runs over to where Spanky is attempting to dip Wooldoor in the deep end. He runs over to Wooldoor, and picks him out of the swimming pool just in time.]
STAN(CC): So I had to get out of the hot tub and get Wooldoor out of the deep end of the swimming pool. And speaking of deep ends, Spanky, to me, is becoming more and more of an asshole to everyone... especially to Wooldoor!
WOOLDOOR(CC): I thought it was rather cute that Stan got out of the hot tub to save me. Of course, I really wanted Spanky to dip me in the deep end, because, the truth is, I *love* the water! Yaaaay!
[After Stan rescues Wooldoor, he walks over to Spanky.]
SPANKY: Oh, it's you.
STAN: Spanky... what the f*** were you just doing?
SPANKY: Why, I was just giving this fine yellow guy over here a swimming lesson.
STAN: But doesn't Wooldoor already know how to swim?
SPANKY: W... what are you talking about?
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback sequence of a scene from Episode 3, in which Stan caught Wooldoor swimming, despite earlier claims of not knowing how to swim.]
STAN[under his breath]: Oh my god...
[Wooldoor immediately gets out of the swimming pool upon seeing Stan. However, Stan, who is apparently suspicious, decides to approach Wooldoor.]
STAN: Wooldoor, we need to talk right now!
WOOLDOOR[surprised]: Waaa...!
[Wooldoor quickly hides under one of the beach chairs, but Stan even-more-quickly spots him.]
STAN: Oh no, you don't! Don't think you can hide from me!
[Stan drags Wooldoor out from under the beach chair, and takes him into the Master Bedroom with him.]
[End flashback.]
* * *
STAN: Yeah, dude, I saw him swimming, like... two days ago.
WOOLDOOR[under his breath]: Oh no...
[Shot of Spanky and Wooldoor sharing a camera confessional.]
WOOLDOOR(CC): And so Stan told us that he saw me swimming that day. We could have been ruined!
SPANKY(CC): Ah, but we weren't, my friend! Luckily, I saved the day with my mad improvisational skillz!
SPANKY[to Stan]: Yeah, but has he learned any swimming lessons... from ME?
[Stan is really frightened now.]
STAN: Oh please tell me you aren't going to...
SPANKY: That's right. The boy has obviously been wading in the kiddie pool for too long. It's time... for ADULT SWIM!!!
WOOLDOOR: Gee, it's time for Adult Swim already? Don't they usually show it way past my bedtime?
SPANKY: No, you idiot! I'm going to teach you how to be a REAL swimmer, and swim in REAL water! In fact, I'm going to add something to the water to make it more suitable for you to swim in!
STAN: No, no, no, you're just going to pee in it, Spanky! Besides, haven't you treated Wooldoor like sh** way too many times?
SPANKY: I'm not going to pee in it! In fact, the... the secret ingredient is... in my room! And... I'll go get it right now!
[Spanky runs back into the Drawn Together house.]
STAN(CC): And, like you'd be surprised, Spanky was going to pee in the pool. Luckily, I stopped him before he could actually do it. Christ, where did casting FIND this douche...
[With Spanky gone, Stan decides to have a quick conversation with Wooldoor.]
STAN[to Wooldoor]: Thank god he's out of here!
WOOLDOOR: Whew!
STAN: All right, now let's talk strategy!
WOOLDOOR: Wheeee!
[Suddenly, Spanky quickly returns to the courtyard and walks over to Stan and Wooldoor.]
WOOLDOOR[frightened]: Eep!
SPANKY: Wooldoor... you are lucky. The truth is, I can't find the secret ingredient anywhere. I checked my things, and I checked your things, Wooldoor, and I even checked Xandir's... well, his inventory, huge as it is with all those... weird tools of his, like a boomerang and a grappling hook... but I still don't know what happened to it.
WOOLDOOR: Y... you looked through my stuff? Hey! My stuff is private, okay?
SPANKY: So what if it is?
WOOLDOOR: It just is, okay?
STAN: Um, I'm just... gonna get out of here.
[Stan goes back inside the Drawn Together house, leaving Spanky and Wooldoor to argue with each other.]
* * *
[As soon as Stan goes back inside the Master Bedroom to play his Chinpokomon game, he discovers... that the Okama Gamesphere in his room is missing!]
STAN[under his breath]: Son of a bitch...
STAN(CC): I went back to my room to play the game, and the Okama Gamesphere was missing. Dude, that is not cool. This has already happened before, back in South Park, and me and my friends had to keep going back and forth between Tynacorp and the military base to try to find it! Whoever's doing this, I will find you, and I will make sure you never do that again, you sick bastard!
[Suddenly, there is a knock on the door of Stan's room.]
STAN: Oh great, who could THAT be?
TOOT(OS): Can I come in, pretty please with sugar on top?
STAN: Oh, all right. Come in!
[Toot enters the Master Bedroom.]
TOOT: Hi, Stan.
STAN: Oh, hi, Toot. Um, I think you came at a bad time, since someone took the Okama Gamesphere from my room.
TOOT: Yeah, that's what I want to talk to you about. Someone took something from my room too.
STAN: Really?
TOOT[crying]: Yeah, my precious Captain Hero was taken from me...
[Silence.]
STAN[pissed off]: Dude, Captain Hero was voted off! Besides, you wanted him voted off!
TOOT: Oh yeah, my bad. Anyway, something else was taken from me.
STAN: Well, what the hell is it?
TOOT: It might be better if I show you.
STAN: Dude, how the hell can you show me something that was just taken from you?
TOOT: Well... I'm gonna show you anyway! Come on!
[Toot leads Stan out of the Master Bedroom, and downstairs to the Blue Room.]
STAN(CC): Then Toot took me to the Blue Room, and she wanted to show me her stuff so she could tell me what is missing, because she told me someone took something from her things as well...
[Toot opens a drawer in the bureau, which contains her clothes and personal belongings. You can tell because all the clothes in there are black-in-white.]
TOOT: Okay, Stan, here are my things! Have you figured out what is missing yet?
STAN: Well, not if you're not gonna tell me!
TOOT: Search through them, and tell me what you've found... and I'll tell you what isn't there.
STAN: What?!
STAN(CC): Toot wanted me to search the drawer that had all her clothes in it, and she wanted me to tell her what was in there. I think she just wants to see one of the guys search through her drawer. Yep, she's definitely an attention whore.
TOOT: Search them!
STAN: Dude, I can't go through a girl's things!
TOOT[impatient]: Search, damn you!!!
STAN: Jeez...
[Stan grudgingly ruffles through Toot's clothes... trying not to get nauseated...]
STAN: Augh!
[...and of course, failing. However, this incident sets of Stan's gag reflex, as he vomits his guts out on the floor of the Blue Room.]
STAN(CC): Dude, Toot's clothing was very disgusting to touch! They are very dirty and they stink... plus I could've sworn I saw little bits of hair on each one of them.
TOOT(CC): Stan searching through my clothes is perhaps one of my favorite Stan moments in the series, as this storyline exploits Stan's gag reflex, and rather well, if I do say so myself! And the hairs? Why, I just snip some off the top of my head and sprinkle them onto the clothing to really nauseate him!
[Toot, in her camera confessional, takes out a pair of scissors, and snips a chunk off her head, then sprinkles the hairs all over her clothing to demonstrate.]
TOOT(CC): See?
[At that instant, we hear the sound of a cameraman vomiting.]
TOOT(CC): Aw, come on, it's not THAT bad!
TOOT[to Stan]: So, Stan, what was in there?
STAN: Toot... I found three dresses, three bras, and three sets of panties... and I think, a bikini, and some fishnet stockings.
TOOT: Ah, so you know what's missing, then!
[Silence.]
STAN: Um, no, I don't, Toot.
TOOT[muttering]: Fine, I'll tell you. It's... my dildo.
STAN[shocked]: Your WHAT?!
TOOT: My dildo. You know, a phallic object that women own that may or may not vibrate?
STAN(CC): Toot told me that the item that was taken from her... [sighs] ...was her dildo. I guess this is one of those instances where I know way too much about a person...
STAN: Why do you care that someone stole your... well, your thing?
TOOT: I care! First off, it's the only one of its kind that is made of pure ebony, and I can't live without it!
[Toot cries her eyes out, and holds her face in her hands.]
STAN: Toot, you can live without a dildo, so get over it!
[Toot stops crying, and starts thinking for a second...]
TOOT: Wait... maybe SHE took it!
STAN: Who?
TOOT: Foxxy.
STAN: Foxxy?
TOOT: That's right. I've been very suspicious of this woman lately.
STAN: You really think Foxxy took it, huh?
TOOT: She probably wanted it because she saw how black it is.
STAN(CC): And now Toot accused Foxxy of stealing her dildo... which I think she said because she's jealous of the other women and she doesn't want other people to like them, and she wants everyone to like HER instead... did I tell you she was an attention whore? ...Oh, I did? Well, I'll tell you again. She's an attention whore.
STAN: Dude... I don't know if you should be accusing anyone of stealing without at least some proof that they did it.
TOOT: Don't you understand? Foxxy Love is one of the sneakiest, most deceptive women on the planet! Remember, during the sumo challenge?
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback of the moment in the challenge when Foxxy asked Stan to give her the TV.]
FOXXY: The Foxxy Five played fo' a lot of people around the world, and Foxxy finally got enough money to buy a TV of her vera own, but...
[Foxxy breaks down in tears.]
STAN: What happened?
FOXXY: Well, just as soon as Foxxy bought the TV, it was shot at. In a drive-by. There are now a lotta bullet holes in it and everythang. So Foxxy come on this show to try to win anotha' one!
STAN: Dude... that is so sad. I'm so sorry for you.
[Stan places a comforting hand on Foxxy's shoulder.]
[End flashback.]
* * *
STAN: Yeah, she said she wanted the TV because she only bought one in her life, and she never watched it because it was shot at!
TOOT: Ah, but you haven't been paying close attention to the second match, have you?
STAN: W... what do you mean?
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback sequence of the second match of So Sumo Me.]
TOOT[to Foxxy]: Time for you to go down, blackie!
FOXXY[to Toot]: Make me... uh, black-and-whitey!
[Toot tries to knock Foxxy down, however, Foxxy dodges out of the way, causing Toot to knock Wooldoor, who was standing behind Foxxy, out of the ring. While Toot's back is turned, Foxxy quickly flips Toot over on her back.]
FOXXY: Foxxy knew watchin' all them episodes of Hong Kong Phooey would come in handy one day!
* * *
TOOT: She also said that she watched episodes of Hong Kong Phooey! Therefore, she had to have watched them on a TV!
STAN: Oh my god...
TOOT: Hey, just because I'm from a pre-television animation era doesn't mean I don't know these things.
STAN: Oh my f***ing god... is it possible that I have been...?
[Toot places a hand on Stan's shoulder.]
TOOT: Yep. She'll set you up only to knock you down, and then she'll walk all over you with those big honking gogo boots of hers.
[Toot leaves the Blue Room, and walks on down the hall, but before she leaves, she turns to face Stan.]
TOOT: Anyway, remember what I just said. It could save your ass during the next eviction. Ta-ta!
[Toot leaves, leaving Stan to think about what happened.]
STAN[under his breath]: Damn!
STAN(CC): Could Toot be right? Could Foxxy actually be deceptive, and have forced me to give her the TV for her own agenda? If so, then I don't blame her, because if you have to result to deception to get what you want, then that's fine with that. I still like Foxxy, as she is one of my favorite people in the Drawn Together house... and even after what she did, I still like her more than Toot, who... yep, is still a bitch.
TOOT(CC): Hey, I am what the script made me! And the best part is yet to come... as you'll see during the immunity challenge! [winks]
* * *
[Shot of all the contestants in the living room. Everyone is just chilling on the sofa, or the floor, or whatever... except for Xandir, who is talking on the phone once again.]
[At this point, Waitohooru walks through the house's entrance.]
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, it's me again!
SPANKY: Yeah, it's you again... what is it this time?
WAITOHOORU: Well, it's time for our third immunity challenge! Spanky, please go to the Red Room and retrieve the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe.
SPANKY: Yes, sir!
[Spanky obediently goes back to the Red Room and picks up the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe, and hands it to Waitohooru.]
SPANKY: Just watch... I'm gonna win it again, you guys!
FOXXY: Not THIS time, beeyotch!
WAITOHOORU[holding up the robe]: Ah, yes! The Immunity Robe, back up for grabs! But I see that one person is still busy with something...
[We zoom to a shot of Xandir still talking on the phone.]
WAITOHOORU: ...will someone please tell this person to hurry up so we can start the challenge?
[Stan raises his hand.]
STAN: Wait, I'll do it!
WAITOHOORU: You will?
WAITOHOORU(CC): I like how Stan basically volunteered to try to get Xandir off the phone, since the other houseguests were trying to convince him to go up there anyway! I like Stan, since he's helping the story flow more smoothly! He's a good kid!
* * *
[Stan goes over to Xandir, who is again talking on the phone, talking once again to dead air, disguising his conversation as a normal conversation --- normal for a gay guy like Xandir, anyway.]
STAN(CC): So I got up because Xandir was once again on the phone, and you'll never guess who he was talking to. That's right. Spongebob Squarepants. It's like there are more and more gay cartoon characters out there, so of course, Xandir would have another gay friend to talk on the phone with!
XANDIR[on the phone]: And what's your town called? Bikini Bottom? Ooh, that sounds like a nifty fashion accessory! I am so there! But not now, I'm on a reality show. Maybe later, snookie! I *do* look forward to jellyfishing, that sounds neat!
[While Xandir is talking, Stan slowly approaches him, and gives him a tap on the shoulder.]
XANDIR[on the phone]: I may have to wear my Mermaid Suit, because it allows me to breathe underwater. Plus, you should see the scales, they are so adorable!
STAN[to Xandir]: Um, excuse me, Xandir?
XANDIR[to Stan]: Yeah?
STAN: I think the host wants you.
XANDIR: Oh, all right. [on the phone] Sorry, I'll have to call you back later, give my regards to Patrick for me! Okay, ciao!
[Xandir hangs up the phone, and rejoins the rest of the houseguests along with Stan.]
WAITOHOORU: Now, as I was saying, the Immunity Robe is back up for grabs! You want to know what today's challenge is?
[Foxxy raises her hand.]
FOXXY: I think I know what it is!
WAITOHOORU: Really?
FOXXY: Yeah, Foxxy think it be one of them challenges where certain objects from the house keep disappearing, and we be asked questions about them, and whoever get the most right win immunity?
[Silence.]
FOXXY: Y'see, 'cuz someone keep stealin' from the Drawn Together house, and DAY-um, it so annoying!
XANDIR: I'm pretty sure I know what they are!
WAITOHOORU: Well, I hate to disappoint you, but we have no such challenge. Besides, I don't even know how some of the items in the house keep disappearing, but just in case we decide to do another season, I'll have to keep that in mind.
FOXXY: Okay then!
WAITOHOORU: Anyway, the third immunity challenge is called "Master Debater".
************************************
IMMUNITY CHALLENGE 3: MASTER DEBATER
************************************
[Several of the contestants laugh, including Spanky. Stan, however, raises his hand.]
WAITOHOORU: Yes, Stan?
STAN: Please! I mean, "Master Debater"? Are you guys from the sixth grade or what?
WAITOHOORU[sarcastically]: Oh, I'm sorry, little boy, would you like me to call the challenge "Cunning Linguist" instead?
**************************************
IMMUNITY CHALLENGE 3: CUNNING LINGUIST
**************************************
STAN: Oookay... "Master Debater" it is, then!
************************************
IMMUNITY CHALLENGE 3: MASTER DEBATER
************************************
WAITOHOORU: Thought so. Anyway, this challenge, though it has nothing to do with masturbating, does involve debating! For this challenge, I will give you six topics for you to debate about that all involve animation. Out of the seven of you, two of you will be debating each topic, and of those two, each of you will be on a different side of the topic's issue. You will also have an unlimited amount of time to defend your side of the issue. Meanwhile, your opponent will be distracting you while you speak.
[Several of the contestants are shocked.]
WAITOHOORU: That's right, your opponent will be distracting you using virtually any method he or she can think of, as long as it doesn't involve making noise, physically hurting the speaker, or covering the speaker's mouth. If the opponent does either of those things, the speaker wins that round by default, and the opponent is out of the running for immunity.
TOOT: So, what, I can show off my breasts, then?
[Silence.]
WAITOHOORU: Well, yes, technically.
TOOT[excited]: Yay!!!
WAITOHOORU: Anyway, you will continue to be in the running for immunity if you can keep focused on your side of the topic longer than your opponent can stay focused on his or her side. There are six rounds, and the winner of the final round will win the Immunity Robe!
[All seven contestants are excited.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, let's begin. The subject of the first round is violence in cartoons. Who wants to tackle this issue?
FOXXY: I'll do it!
STAN: I guess I'll do it, too.
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Foxxy, Stan, get up here.
[Stan and Foxxy get out of their seats, and take their places next to Waitohooru.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay then, who's going first?
STAN: I'm going first.
WAITOHOORU: All right, Stan, do you want to take the side of "there is too much violence in cartoons today" or do you want to take the side of "there is not enough violence in cartoons today"?
STAN: I will choose "there is not enough violence".
WAITOHOORU: All right then, Stan, get in front of everyone!
[Stan takes his place in front of the five contestants other than Foxxy, who will be on the sidelines trying to distract him.]
STAN(CC): The next immunity challenge was some kind of debating game... and I was instantly reminded of this one debate our school had over whether we should change the town's flag or leave it the way it is. I wanted to keep the flag the way it was, and Cartman wanted the flag changed, and I know he only took that side just to spite me.
WAITOHOORU(CC): Once again, challenges like these are rigged to favor a certain contestant. In this case, it is once again rigged in Spanky's favor, just like the two before it... but we are also going easy on Stan so that the final round between him and Spanky can go ahead as planned. We're so looking forward to that!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Stan, remember, you're discussing why there is not enough violence in cartoons today. And Foxxy, you'll be distracting him. Your time starts... now!
[As Stan begins to speak, Foxxy begins to distract him... by waving her hands in front of his face in a hypnotic fashion. But Stan is unfazed.]
STAN: Yeah, I know there are people out there who say there is too much violence in cartoons today. For instance, some parents say that because they want to control what their kids watch. Hell, MY parents even say that!
FOXXY(CC): As y'all can see, I ain't doin' a very good job of distractin' him, because we all wanna make sho' Stan in the finals. 'Sides, I like listenin' to Stan talk, since he rilly speak to us all! Stick it to The Man, Stan! Fight the powa'!
[A minute later, Stan continues to speak, while Foxxy tries distracting him unsuccessfully (on purpose, of course).]
STAN: And I read on the Internet about how when they translate some Japanese cartoons into English, they change the guns some of the characters hold into something else, or they end up removing them altogether. Dude, you shouldn't try to keep it a secret from children that those characters have guns, because they're going to find out the truth eventually, and it won't kill you to just show them, so you might as well show them! I mean, come ON, people!
[Stan pauses for a moment.]
STAN: Okay, I'm done.
WAITOHOORU: Time! Whoa, Stan, you've been up there for one minute and twenty-nine seconds! Foxxy, it's your turn!
FOXXY: Ready, baby!
[Stan takes his place on the sidelines, and Foxxy gets up in front of everyone.]
WAITOHOORU: Remember, Foxxy, unlike Stan, you're going to be discussing why there is too much violence in cartoons today. If you can talk for at least one minute twenty-nine seconds or longer without being distracted by Stan, you advance to the next round. If not, then Stan advances. Your time begins now!
[It's now Foxxy's turn to speak (and Stan's turn to distract).]
FOXXY: Well, y'all, Foxxy seen enough violence in cartoons today. Fo' instance...
[However, Stan makes a scary face at Foxxy (like one he made at Shelley in this one episode called Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics. It really cracks Foxxy up (that is, if the script doesn't tell her to do that first.]
FOXXY: ...on this show I saw, I [laughs]... I could've sworn those peoples were crazy... [still laughs] ...and I...
WAITOHOORU: Time! You were distracted by Stan, and you only stayed on topic for ten seconds! Sorry, Foxxy, but Stan advances to the next round!
STAN: Sweet!
FOXXY: Well, I done my best, y'all!
[Foxxy sits down on the floor.]
STAN(CC): I am really excited, because I just won my first debate against Foxxy Love. Honestly, I... I really thought she was going to beat me.
[Stan sits down on the floor next to Foxxy.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, there are five debates left to go! The next debate is about anime. Who will volunteer? It can't be Foxxy, since she's ineligible for immunity.
XANDIR: Like, I'm game!
SPANKY[to Xandir]: No, you're GAY, and you're FROM a game! ...Buuuut, I'll do it too.
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Xandir and Spanky? All right then, who's going first?
SPANKY: Dibs!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Spanky... you can choose from either "there should be more anime", or "there should be NO more anime".
SPANKY: Why, I think I'll choose "there should be no more anime"!
WAITOHOORU: "No more anime"? All right then, Spanky, take your position!
SPANKY: Gladly!
[Spanky gets in front of the group, and Xandir stands at the sidelines, waiting for the chance to distract him.]
WAITOHOORU: Remember, Spanky, you are discussing, in your own words, why there should be no more anime. And also remember, Xandir will be distracting you the entire time. Your debate begins now!
[Spanky begins to speak, while Xandir trying to get Spanky's attention, prances around, closes his eyes, and caresses his own body with his arms.]
SPANKY: I don't know about you guys, but I'll be damned if I have to see another f***ing show from Japan! I mean, those people have big eyes, and their hair color is not normal! And their animation rate? Abysmal!
[Xandir then goes over to Spanky, and gives Spanky a shoulder massage.]
SPANKY: In my opinion, shows made by the Japs should STAY with the Japs! And why do Japanese cartoon characters always have snot hanging out of their noses whenever they sleep? And...
[Xandir's shoulder massage turns into a tickle torture.]
SPANKY: And... [laughs] ...and as if the Japanese haven't terrorized us Americans... [laughs] ...they give us...
WAITOHOORU: Time! You stayed on topic for twenty-two seconds! That's the time you have to beat, Xandir, to stay in this!
XANDIR: Well, I guess I'll give it a shot, then!
[Xandir and Spanky trade places.]
WAITOHOORU: Once again, Xandir, you're discussing why there should be more anime. And Spanky will be distracting you. Your time begins right now!
[While Xandir begins to speak, Spanky unzips his fly, and tucks his sweater in, so a bit of his red sweater sticks out of his brown pants.]
XANDIR: Well, you can see Spanky is wrong. I totally want there to be more anime because I respect Japanese culture and...
[Xandir notices Spanky's sweater sticking out of his fly. He is too stunned to speak.]
STAN(CC): While Xandir was speaking, Spanky places his sweater in his pants, and through his zipper, so that a tiny bit sticks out. Xandir was obviously disgusted by this, and so was I, and I think my parents would be too, if they saw this.
SPANKY(CC): I've come up with a plan to make it to the finals, and it takes place in three phases. You already saw the first phase... and the other two will definitely have you sh***ing your pants! You might want to take notes.
XANDIR[flabbergasted]: And... and... and I would really like it if...
WAITOHOORU: Time, Xandir. You obviously didn't beat Spanky's time, so Spanky advances to the next round.
XANDIR: Sorry, everyone! I did my best!
SPANKY: And I guess your best wasn't good enough, homo!
[Spanky and Xandir take their seats.]
WAITOHOORU: Two topics down, and already two people are out of the running. The next debate is about the target range of cartoons. Who will tackle this subject?
CLARA: I believe I'll try this!
TOOT: If she gets to speak, I get to speak too!
WAITOHOORU: Okay then, who's speaking first?
TOOT: Well, I believe I concede, since you obviously want Clara to speak first anyway.
WAITOHOORU: Hey!
CLARA: Oh goody! I get a chance to spread my message to people!
WAITOHOORU: Well, Clara, your choices are "today's cartoons target only certain people" or "today's cartoons target everyone".
CLARA: Why, I believe I shall attempt "today's cartoons target everyone", if that's okay with you!
WAITOHOORU: And I believe that's okay with you, Clara!
CLARA: Ooh!
TOOT[rolling her eyes]: Oh, give me a f***ing break...
[Clara takes her place in front of everyone, while Toot stands on the sidelines, waiting for her moment.]
CLARA(CC): This next part of the challenge was going to bring the love triangle involving me, Toot, and the host, out in the open once again... and I thought it was spectacularly written! I really like how none of the writers were from the Middle East, since those people don't believe in love!
WAITOHOORU: Once again, Clara, you're discussing why today's cartoons target everyone. You may begin.
[Clara begins to speak, and Toot begins to distract her...]
CLARA: Maybe it's just me, but I'm pretty sure there are cartoons for just about anyone nowadays...
[...by taking off her top, and flashing her breasts at Clara.]
CLARA: ...for instance, there are cartoons for- [shouting] GOD, TOOT, PUT THOSE AWAY!!!
WAITOHOORU: Time! Clara, you lasted for eight seconds.
CLARA: Sorry, everyone. I really would have loved to have lasted longer...
WAITOHOORU: Ah, but it's Toot's turn now!
TOOT: Finally!
[Toot and Clara swap places.]
WAITOHOORU: Same with Clara, but your topic is why today's cartoons target only a specific group. You may begin now.
[It's Toot's turn to speak, and Clara's turn to distract by flailing her arms in front of Toot's face... but to no avail.]
TOOT: What really gets my goat is how certain animation studios make their cartoons only for specific people... like when a certain host favors a certain princess by comforting HER when SHE'S feeling uncomfortable, while not giving support to OTHER people who feel uncomfortable!
[At this point, everyone except Toot has stunned expressions on their faces.]
TOOT: Do you understand what I'm talking about here? It was during the sumo challenge! She wanted to sit out the challenge on purpose so she could sit on the sidelines and be in the arms of her new boyfriend the entire time! It's a conspiracy, I tell you!
[Silence.]
STAN: Jesus Christ, dude!
STAN(CC): When it was Toot's turn to speak, she was talking about how she feels Waitohooru pays more attention to Clara than to her. Well, in my opinion, Waitohooru SHOULD be paying more attention to Clara than to Toot... that's what *I* think!
WAITOHOORU: Yyyyyyeah... anyway, you beat Clara's time, Toot!
TOOT: Yaaay!
[Toot and Clara take their seats. After they sit down, Toot smirks, and glances evilly at Clara.]
CLARA: You are going to be damned, Toot...
TOOT: And I'm taking you with me!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, there are only three subjects left. Still eligible for immunity are Stan, Wooldoor, Spanky, and Toot. The next debate involves DVDs.
WOOLDOOR: Oh, let me do this one! Please please pleeeeeeease!
STAN: And I think I'll do this one, too.
WAITOHOORU: Wooldoor and Stan, huh? Who's going first?
STAN: You know what... maybe Wooldoor should go first this time.
WOOLDOOR: Yay!!! Thank you, Stan!
STAN[laughing]: Why, you're welcome, Wooldoor!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Wooldoor, you can pick from "all cartoons should be on DVD", or "not every cartoon should be on DVD".
WOOLDOOR: "All cartoons should be on DVD"! Wheeeee!!!
WAITOHOORU: Hmm, interesting choice, Wooldoor...
WOOLDOOR: Yippee!
[Wooldoor takes his position in front of everyone, and Stan takes his position on the sidelines.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Wooldoor, you may begin!
[Wooldoor begins to speak. Stan begins to distract... this time, by stretching his mouth out and sticking his tongue out.]
WOOLDOOR: It would be really nice if every cartoon in the world were on DVD!
[Wooldoor looks at Stan's funny face...]
WOOLDOOR: For instance... [laughs] ...this one cartoon... [still laughing] ...I want to see...
[...and cracks up. Literally. Into a million pieces.]
[Silence.]
STAN: Oookay.
WAITOHOORU: Time, Wooldoor! You were on for ten seconds! Stan, can you beat his time?
STAN: I'll try.
WAITOHOORU: Okay, then!
[Wooldoor reassembles himself, and then switches places with Stan.]
WAITOHOORU: Now, Stan, you're going to talk about why not every cartoon should be on DVD. And, begin!
[Stan starts speaking again, and Wooldoor distracts, but as poorly as possible to allow Stan to proceed.]
STAN: Not every cartoon should be released on DVD, okay? There is one cartoon, I won't say which, that are made by people who I think flunked college, and they are poorly drawn and I think the sound in the cartoon is bad... and I don't know if there is even a story or...
WAITOHOORU: Time! Impressive, Stan, you beat Wooldoor's time!
STAN[smiling]: Awesome!
WOOLDOOR: Yeah! Stan, please beat Spanky for me!
STAN: Okay, but it won't be easy...
[Stan and Wooldoor take their seats.]
WAITOHOORU: Spanky, Stan, and Toot are still in the running for immunity. The next debate involves renewing cartoons for another season.
TOOT: I'll do it!
SPANKY: I'm gonna try this one too!
WAITOHOORU: Toot and Spanky, eh? Well, that means Stan advances to the finals automatically!
STAN: Really? Cool!
STAN(CC): I get to make it to the final round of the challenge after all. I hope I can kick Spanky's ass, because he doesn't deserve to win immunity anymore. He wore out his welcome a long time ago.
WAITOHOORU: And who'll be debating first?
SPANKY: I will!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Spanky, you can choose between "cartoons should remain true to their roots" or "cartoons should be updated to adapt to modern society".
SPANKY: I'll try the one about adapting to modern society, if you please.
WAITOHOORU: All righty then!
SPANKY: Hot damn!
[Spanky takes his place in front of everyone, and Toot aways to the sidelines.]
WAITOHOORU: And you can begin now!
SPANKY: As time moves forward, societies change and fluctuate, and I feel cartoons must change along with them.
[Toot takes off her top and attempts to divert Spanky's attention by flashing her boobs once again.]
SPANKY: For example, when a society is composed of --- [shouting] HOLY SH**, TOOT, GET THEM AWAY FROM ME!!!
WAITOHOORU: Time, Spanky! You were on topic for nine seconds before Toot, well, distracted you.
TOOT: Yaaaaay!
WAITOHOORU: Now it's your turn, Toot!
TOOT: Goody!
[Toot and Spanky switch positions.]
WAITOHOORU: And again, Toot, you'll be discussing why cartoons should remain true to their roots.
TOOT: Yeah, since I never wanted them to leave their roots to begin with!
SPANKY(CC): I just thought I'd pop by to tell you once again about the three phases of my plan. This is the second phase.
WAITOHOORU: And... begin!
[While Toot distracted Spanky by flashing her boobs...]
TOOT: Spanky is lying! Cartoons should remain true to their roots, people!
[...Spanky distracts Toot by unzipping his pants, and exposing his penis.]
TOOT: When was the last time you saw--- [shouting] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
WAITOHOORU: Time! Sorry, Toot, that was only six seconds!
TOOT[disappointed]: Awww...
STAN(CC): And when Spanky came to distract Toot, he unzipped his pants, and showed her his dick. If that's what he wanted to do to get to the final round, then I'm glad I made it this far. I'm prepared to take this asshole on.
SPANKY(CC): Good, because I've saved the third and final phase just for you, my boy! And no matter what you say, you'll like it anyway, because it's good. Admit it.
WAITOHOORU: That means Spanky now advances to the final round, where he will face off against Stan Marsh from South Park!
SPANKY: The robe's going back on my body again!
STAN: Not THIS time, pal!
[Toot takes her seat, and Stan gets up.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Spanky... Stan... whoever wins this final match gets the Immunity Robe, and cannot be voted off!
SPANKY: Don't you think WE know that?
STAN: Yeah, dude!
WAITOHOORU: All right then... the final debate is the most difficult of all, because it's about fanfiction that involves animated characters participating in reality TV shows.
STAN: Whoa...
WAITOHOORU: Yep, that's right. Who's going first?
SPANKY: Me, baby!
STAN[rolling his eyes]: Oh, fine!
WAITOHOORU: All right then... you can choose from either "animated reality fanfics are an innovative concept", or "animated reality fanfics are mind-numbing crap".
SPANKY: The innovative concept one, please!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, then!
SPANKY[to himself]: I'm gonna win me another one, baby!
[Spanky takes his position in front of everyone, and Stan goes to the sidelines.]
WAITOHOORU: And you can begin now!
[Stan tries psyching him out by trying just about every psyche-out move he learned from watching the movie BASEketball (which stars Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park).]
SPANKY: People who visit my site have asked me, "Hey, Spanky, what's your favorite kind of fanfic, huh?"
[Stan finally tries a psyche-out that causes Spanky to break out into fits of laughter.]
SPANKY[laughing]: Well... [laughs] ...it may come as a surprise to you...
WAITOHOORU: Time! You were up there for eight seconds!
SPANKY[smirking]: And that's all I'll need!
STAN: Oh... oh yeah?
WAITOHOORU: Stan, it's your turn now.
[Stan switches places with Spanky.]
STAN(CC): Finally, it was all up to me to win immunity. I had to stay focused on the topic, and on the immunity robe. I didn't want to get distracted by Spanky whatsoever!
STAN[to Spanky]: You're going down, Spanky!
SPANKY[to Stan]: I'd like to see you try, boy!
WAITOHOORU: Stan, you will be talking about why reality fanfics are mind-numbing crap. If you can beat Spanky's time of eight seconds, you'll win immunity. If not, he wins immunity for the third time in a row. And... go!
[Just before Stan begins to speak, Spanky immediately takes off his pants, exposing his entire lower section to Stan. Stan, though horrified, tries to stay in focus, trying not to waver from the topic.]
STAN: Reality fanfics are... are mind-numbing crap!
[And then, Spanky, in desperation, leaps over to Stan, and starts humping his leg with his exposed lower section.]
STAN(CC): And as soon as I started talking, Spanky took his pants off, and then he tried to hump me! I am not making this up, people! He jumped onto my body, and started humping me! It was very traumatic for me.
STAN[trying to stay in focus]: Yeah... I mean, have you read Cartoon Survivor? Have you read Pokéball Run? Those stories are blatant ripoffs of other reality shows and... and... and, God, I can't do this!
WAITOHOORU: Time! That's it, Stan!
STAN: Whew! I don't want that guy on me anymore!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Spanky, get off him!
SPANKY: Aw, YOU'RE no fun!
[Spanky puts his pants back on.]
SPANKY(CC): We all really hoped that that desperation move of mine would be the clincher for me to win the immunity robe once again.
WAITOHOORU: All right, Stan, you stayed on topic for...
[Stan crosses his fingers. And Spanky crosses HIS fingers as well.]
WAITOHOORU: Nine seconds! You beat Spanky's time, so you get the Immunity Robe!
[Stan is really excited.]
STAN: Kick ass!
[Waitohooru gives Stan the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe.]
STAN(CC): I was shocked that I won immunity, even after what that jerk did. I didn't expect THAT to happen!
SPANKY(CC): We were all shocked that Stan won immunity, even after what I did. NONE of us expected that to happen!
WAITOHOORU(CC): We started to realize the fact that Stan WAS a wild card, he wasn't in on the joke like the rest of us were, and that his actions could change the whole storyline of this show in an instant.
WAITOHOORU: Well, congratulations, Stan, you've won the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe, and you cannot be voted off at tonight's eviction ceremony!
STAN: I didn't feel like leaving yet anyway!
STAN(CC): It feels so good wearing the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe... the pimp robe... for the first time in my life! I beat you, Spanky... and now I can finally write your name on a little piece of paper and get you out of here for good! You don't belong here anymore!
SPANKY(CC): Oh well, there's always a backup plan. Stan may have immunity, but he seems to have forgotten about something he did earlier today... all I'm saying is, watch the eviction ceremony. You'll see what I'm talking about.
WAITOHOORU: Since Stan has immunity, six of you are now vulnerable for eviction. I'll see you at the eviction ceremony tonight, where another one of you will leave the Drawn Together house. Good luck.
[Waitohooru leaves.]
* * *
[Cut to a shot of Stan, relaxing in the Master Bedroom, enjoying his moment in the sun after winning immunity for the first time.]
STAN(CC): I'm very proud that I won immunity today, and that I was finally able to prevent Spanky from winning it! However, sweet as it is, that still doesn't solve the mystery of where my missing Okama Gamesphere is!
[There is another knock on the door of the Master Bedroom.]
XANDIR(OS): Hey, can we come in?
CLARA(OS): Yeah, please open the door for us!
STAN: Okay!
[Stan opens the door, to let Xandir and Clara in.]
STAN: So, you two know who did it yet?
CLARA: No, but I do know that one of my pearl necklaces just got stolen!
XANDIR: Yeah, and my Orihalcon G-String is missing, too!
STAN: Wait, Clara... didn't Foxxy try on one of your necklaces earlier?
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback of Foxxy trying on Clara's necklace in episode 2.]
FOXXY: The princess sho' has some fly jewelry! Foxxy wonder how much she can get sellin' this on eBay...
STAN: Hi, Foxxy.
[Foxxy is surprised on hearing Stan, and turns to face him.]
FOXXY: Whoa, chile! Don't sneak up on a sistah like that! You nearly done give Foxxy a heart attack!
[End flashback.]
* * *
CLARA: You know what, Stan? You're right! Maybe SHE'S behind all this after all!
XANDIR: But Clara... aren't you totally being rash?
STAN: Yeah, we still don't know whether or not she actually stole all those things.
XANDIR: Still, maybe we should talk to her, and hear her side of the story. That's what I do on my quests... I talk to everyone I meet!
STAN: Okay, we'll do that!
[Fast-motion shot of Clara, Xandir, and Stan racing toward the Green Room, where Foxxy is. Xandir knocks on the door.]
FOXXY(OS, singsong): Bling-bling?
XANDIR: It's Xandir, Foxxy! Will you please open up?
FOXXY(OS): Sho' you can come in!
XANDIR: Thanks!
[Foxxy opens the door of the Green Room to let Clara, Xandir, and Stan in.]
STAN(CC): I still don't believe people in this house actually think Foxxy Love stole all that stuff! First it was Toot, and now it's Clara and Xandir! I don't care what they think... I still don't think it was her! She doesn't look like a kleptomaniac to me! But... I could be wrong...
FOXXY(CC): Ah, it feel so good havin' everyone think Foxxy a klepto! Lawd, there be a lotta drama in the DT house today!
FOXXY: Yeah?
STAN: Um, Foxxy, I don't know if it's true or not, but Clara thinks you took those things from us!
CLARA: That's right! Give me my pearl necklace back, you black woman!
FOXXY: Huh? What you mean? Foxxy don't know what you talkin' 'bout!
[At this point, Toot enters the Green Room.]
TOOT: She's a thief, people! She took my dildo from me!
XANDIR: She took your WHAT?!
STAN: Yeah, see, Toot had me search her things, and I had to look through a drawer full of dirty clothes that had hair all over them.
[Silence.]
CLARA: Ewww! I'm certainly glad *I* didn't look there! Who knows what STD's that woman might have contracted?
STAN[shocked]: WHAT?!
FOXXY[repulsed]: Ugh... you people is crazy. Foxxy did not take yo' stuff, okay?
[At this point, Spanky enters the room.]
SPANKY: She's lying, people! Foxxy IS the thief!
STAN[rolling his eyes]: Oh no, not THIS again...
[Wooldoor enters the room as well, carrying his teddy bear with him.]
WOOLDOOR: Yeah! She took my teddy bear!
[Silence.]
STAN: Wooldoor, you have your teddy bear, in your hand!
WOOLDOOR: Oh.
SPANKY: In any case, I guess we have caught our crook! Let's get our stuff back!
[Spanky rudely pushes Foxxy out of the way, and opens the drawers in the bureau. He finds a drawer that contains Foxxy's underwear.]
SPANKY: Our stuff's gotta be in here!
[Spanky picks up Foxxy's underwear, and rubs it all over his face, moaning like he's in orgasm.]
FOXXY: Spanky, what the hell you doin'?
[Spanky rubs some more of Foxxy's underwear over his face.]
SPANKY: Oh yeah... oh yeah, bitch!
STAN[rolling his eyes]: Oh, god dammit...
STAN(CC): And then Spanky came in, and he claimed that Foxxy hid all the stolen stuff in her underwear drawer, but he conveniently used that as an excuse to touch her underwear and rub his face in it. What a perv that guy is. Christ, it seems my whole day has involved people searching through other people's underwear. I could use some serious psychiatric help after this show, let me tell ya!
[Spanky puts all of Foxxy's underwear back in.]
SPANKY: Well, it's not in the one place I thought it would be.
FOXXY: Foxxy told you she did not steal yo' junk! When is Foxxy gonna get that through all yo' cracker heads?
[Spanky closes Foxxy's underwear drawer.]
SPANKY: Anyway, I've gotta go take a sh**. Tell me when you're ready to vote her black ass outta here!
[Spanky leaves the Green Room, quietly whistling to himself.]
FOXXY: He gone.
XANDIR: Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say!
[Stan looks at the hallway, and notices Spanky walking BY the bathroom, instead of through the bathroom door.]
STAN: Um, guys, I don't think Spanky is going into the bathroom.
XANDIR: Wait, there's another bathroom upstairs, isn't there?
STAN: Yeah, you're right... the one in the Master Bedroom...
[Stan immediately does a double take.]
STAN: Damn...!
* * *
[Stan runs upstairs to the Master Bedroom. He looks in the Master Bedroom for Spanky, but no sign of him.]
STAN: Well, Spanky's not in here either... where the hell could he be?
TOOT(OS): Have you found him yet?
STAN: I'm still looking!
[Stan walks down the stairs, where Clara, Toot, Wooldoor, and Xandir are waiting for him.]
XANDIR: We'd better find him quickly! This is totally not cool!
FOXXY(OS): Foxxy found somethin', y'all!
STAN: Huh?
[The group of five runs over to the entrance to the courtyard, where Foxxy now is.]
CLARA: What did you find, black girl?
FOXXY: Well, Foxxy definitely find somethin', but it sho' be one ugly-ass sight!
[Foxxy leads the other five to a little niche in the courtyard where Spanky is... along with all the stolen stuff!]
[Close-up shot of the niche where Spanky is. Spanky is placing the inflatable blow-up doll on Stan's Okama Gamesphere like it was a toilet seat. He is also placing Toot's dildo between the doll's legs, and placing Xandir's Orihalcon G-String on its body.]
SPANKY[to the blow-up doll]: Hey, there, cutie, what do you want?
SPANKY[pretending to be the blow-up doll]: "I would like a pearl necklace, Spanky!"
SPANKY[to the blow-up doll]: Okay then, I will give you one!
[Spanky picks up Clara's pearl necklace, and placing it around the doll's neck.]
SPANKY[to the blow-up doll]: That's right! You take it! You take it hard and fast, all night long!
STAN[under his breath]: Son of a bitch...
STAN(CC): I finally saw the stolen stuff, and Spanky was playing with it outside in the courtyard, and I think he was using the stolen items as sex toys. But wait... didn't that inflatable blow-up doll belong to Captain Hero?
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Captain Hero showing his creature comfort item, the inflatable blow-up doll, for show-and-tell in Episode 1.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Why, thank you, everybody! My creature comfort item is this inflatable dummy I have, which I currently call "The Siphoner".
[A lot of the contestants are laughing.]
WAITOHOORU: Captain Hero... why on earth would you call an inflatable blow-up doll "The Siphoner"? I've got to hear THIS...
[End flashback.]
* * *
STAN: Well, now we know who took all our stuff!
TOOT: So that settles it. Let's vote Spanky off tonight.
STAN: Makes sense, since I was going to vote him off anyway.
CLARA: We can't have a thief in the Drawn Together house! Thieves like him belong in prison, not in a house!
XANDIR: Well, now that we know who to vote off, we don't have to worry about strategy!
FOXXY: He outta here!
WOOLDOOR: Yeah!
STAN(CC): Spanky Ham is going to be voted off tonight, since he no longer has that Immunity Robe to save his ass. If it were anyone other than him who gets voted off, I would be surprised, since a lot of people want him gone.
[Shot of Stan returning upstairs to the Master Bedroom. He takes the Immunity Robe out of his closet and puts it on.]
STAN(CC): I remember back in Animation Survivor when there were seven of us left, and during Tribal Council, I was the one voted off. But not this time. I have immunity, and a lot of us have one target in mind, and one target alone. Spanky Ham. His ass will be ours. We'll finally be able to sleep at night. I'm very excited!
* * *
*
*
*
* * *
[It's time for the third eviction ceremony. Just like the two before it, we start with a slow-motion shot of the seven remaining contestants walking down the hall to the basement, and the Room of Doom. The table is also set up, with the cels for each of the seven.]
[Eventually, all seven contestants have entered the Room of Doom. Stan is wearing the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe this time.]
[The seven contestants are greeted by Waitohooru, who comes down the stairs and takes his place in front of them.]
WAITOHOORU: Welcome, everyone, to the Room of Doom. This is the third of six eviction ceremonies that you will be participating in. Tonight, six of you will survive this ceremony. However, one of you will be sent back to the drawing board.
[Shot of the six contestants other than Stan being nervous, and Stan, well, not being nervous, since he has immunity.]
WAITOHOORU: You see the table in front of you?
[Waitohooru points to the table with the seven cels on it.]
WAITOHOORU: On this table are seven animation cels, representing the seven of you. As long as you remain in the game, your cel remains in mint condition. However, if you receive the most votes against you, your cel will be thrown into the fireplace and burned, deteriorating its value, and ending your chances of winning the $100,000. In a moment, each of you will go down that hallway, and write on a piece of paper the name of the housemate you want to vote out of this game, then, speak your peace. After you've voted, place the piece of paper in the vase, and then rejoin your other housemates. The only housemate you cannot vote off is Stan, since he's wearing the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe.
STAN: Yeah, and I think I've earned it after what I went through today. Believe me, dude!
WAITOHOORU: Now, before we begin the vote, are there any questions?
XANDIR: Um, Waitohooru?
WAITOHOORU: Yes, Xandir?
XANDIR: I think I speak for the whole group if we just get the voting over with tonight. Is that okay?
CLARA: I agree!
WOOLDOOR: Yeah!
FOXXY: Mm-hmm.
[Silence.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, then. It's time to vote. Stan, since you won immunity, you get to go first.
STAN: Awesome!
[Stan walks down the hallway, casting his vote. He writes "SPANKY" on his piece of paper. Like before, his vote is the only genuine one in the entire ceremony.]
STAN: You don't know how long I've been waiting for this opportunity. Spanky... you have overstayed your welcome, and it's time for you to go. I'm doing this not just for me, but also for the other five people here, and also for Ling-Ling and Captain Hero, since they deserved to be here much longer than you. Goodbye, and don't come back.
[Stan puts his vote in the vase, and rejoins the others.]
* * *
[Shot of Clara voting. She writes "THE PAPARAZZI" on her piece of paper.]
CLARA: Keep your cameras away from me, peasants! I don't want to die... like a certain other princess!
* * *
[Shot of Foxxy voting. She writes "WAYNE BRADY" on her piece of paper.]
FOXXY: Foxxy swear this guy make Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X. Besides, isn't "Wayne Brady" a slave name?
* * *
[Shot of Xandir voting. He writes "KEFKA" on his piece of paper.]
XANDIR: First of all, lose the annoying laugh, and second, that outfit of yours went out of style nine years ago.
* * *
[Shot of Spanky voting. He writes "YOUR MOM" on his piece of paper.]
SPANKY: That woman has the juiciest melons I have ever seen! I even took a picture of the two of us in bed this one time. Wanna see it?
* * *
[Shot of Wooldoor voting. He writes "WHEEEE!" on his piece of paper.]
WOOLDOOR: Wheeeee!
* * *
[Shot of Toot voting. She writes "TED TURNER" on her piece of paper.]
TOOT: Um, Teddy... no offense, but... I don't swing that way.
* * *
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[After Toot places her vote in the vase, she rejoins the other houseguests.]
WAITOHOORU: I'll go tally the votes.
[Waitohooru walks down the hall and reads the votes in the vase. He then replaces the DT cast members' "votes" with six pieces of paper with a "vote" already written in advance. Stan's vote against Spanky, however, remains in the vase. Waitohooru closes the vase, then takes the vase with him and stands in front of the seven contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: Now, before we proceed with the votes, I thought I would try something a little different tonight. You see, unlike the two eviction ceremonies you have faced in the past, there is a twist in this one... and here it is.
[All of the seven contestants are nervous.]
WAITOHOORU: Remember, during the sumo challenge, when Stan won a Panasonic TV? And then when he gave that TV to Foxxy?
[Shot of the five other contestants staring at Stan and Foxxy.]
WAITOHOORU: Well, there was something else that came with the TV that all of you didn't know about. I was saving that for this eviction ceremony, and I am going to show you what it is.
[Waitohooru pulls $25,000 in cash out of his pocket.]
WAITOHOORU: This is $25,000 in actual money. Foxxy, since you won the Panasonic TV, you can also have this...
FOXXY: 25 Gs? Hallelujah! Come to Foxxy!
WAITOHOORU: However, there is a condition!
FOXXY: Oh lawd...
WAITOHOORU: Foxxy Love, in order for you to take the $25,000... you must volunteer to leave the game for good.
[All the contestants are stunned, including Foxxy.]
FOXXY: Say what?
WAITOHOORU: That's right, Foxxy. Of course, if you do decide to leave, the voting results will also be null and void, and whoever might have been voted off tonight might stick around one more day. But then again, you can also choose to stay, and take your chances with tonight's eviction ceremony. Of course, you won't get the $25,000 this way, and if, by any chance it is you who is voted out tonight, you won't get anything. It is your decision, however.
FOXXY: Foxxy gone think 'bout this...
SPANKY: Why don't you think long and hard about this? I want you to think VERY LONG and VERY HARD! Very long, and very hard, Foxxy!
FOXXY[to Spanky]: Oh, shut yo' ass up!
WAITOHOORU: Have you made your decision yet, Foxxy?
FOXXY: Foxxy still thinkin' 'bout it!
[Foxxy continues to ponder the decision. Of course, she, like the other Drawn Together housemates, has read the script in advance, so she knows what she is going to do...]
FOXXY: Foxxy made her mind up!
TOOT: Yes!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Foxxy, have you decided to take the money, or are you going to decline the offer so the votes can be read as normal?
FOXXY: Well, it be the hardest decision Foxxy ever had to make...
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WAITOHOORU: Well?
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FOXXY: Foxxy never been put in a situation like this befo'...
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WAITOHOORU: So... what is it?
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FOXXY: ...I'ma take the money.
WAITOHOORU: Really?
STAN: What?
FOXXY: Yeah, it may not be a hundred thousand, but twenty-five thousand still a lot mo' than Foxxy make in her life, so she wanted to come outta here with somethin' to show fo' it!
WAITOHOORU: So be it. As you just saw, Foxxy Love has volunteered to leave the game for good, and she will be taking home $25,000 and the Panasonic TV she won in the sumo competition!
FOXXY: Sorry, y'all! Foxxy just had to do it! No hard feelin's!
STAN: That's okay.
WAITOHOORU: However, let's see who would have been voted off if she DECLINED the offer! I'll read the votes, not that they matter, anyway...
[Waitohooru takes a piece of paper out of the vase. It is Stan's vote against Spanky.]
WAITOHOORU: First vote... "SPANKY".
[Spanky is nervous.]
[Waitohooru takes a second piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "SPANKY". That's two votes Spanky.
[Waitohooru takes a third piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "SPANKIE". That's three votes Spanky.
[Waitohooru takes a fourth piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "S.H.". That's Spanky Ham, so four votes against Spanky.
[Waitohooru takes a fifth piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "SPANKY". Five votes against Spanky.
[Waitohooru takes a sixth piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "SPANKY". That's six votes against Spanky. Last vote...
[Waitohooru takes a seventh piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: ..."FOXY"?
FOXXY: Say WHAT?!
SPANKY[giggling]: Heh heh...
WAITOHOORU: So, with six votes against him, Spanky Ham would have been voted off. But Foxxy accepted our offer of $25,000, so she is the one who will be leaving instead!
SPANKY: Yeah, and I'm glad she took that offer!
STAN[rolling his eyes]: Oh, give me a break! You're just saying that because you were going to be voted off tonight!
WAITOHOORU: Foxxy Love, please take your animation cel, and address the group.
[Foxxy takes the animation cel that has her image on it. She takes her place next to Waitohooru.]
FOXXY: Well, Foxxy woulda loved ta stay and hang with y'all, but the money just too good to pass up! Foxxy hope we can all still be friends... it's all good, right?
XANDIR: It's okay, we forgive you, Foxxy.
TOOT: Yeah, we're sorry we accused you of stealing from us.
FOXXY: Ah, now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout! Y'all still care about me!
STAN: We're really gonna miss you, Foxxy.
FOXXY: Aww... that so sweet!
[Foxxy gives her animation cel to Waitohooru.]
FOXXY: Well? You know what to do!
[Waitohooru hesitates a bit.]
WAITOHOORU: You know what, Foxxy? Since you weren't actually voted off *per se*... why don't you KEEP the animation cel instead?
FOXXY[excited]: Rilly? You gone do that... fo' Foxxy?
[Waitohooru gives the animation cel back to Foxxy.]
WAITOHOORU: Here you go!
FOXXY: YAY-uh! Go, Foxxy! It's yo' birthday! Not fo' rill-rill, jes' fo' play-play!
WAITOHOORU: I'm glad you're excited! Anyway, it's time for you to go!
FOXXY: Don't worry, this won't be the last you see of Foxxy Love, y'all!
[Foxxy Love, now with $25,000 and an animation cel in her hands, climbs the stairs that lead outside, and out of the game for good. The other six contestants wave goodbye to Foxxy. Once Foxxy is out of their sight, Waitohooru addresses the six remaining contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: Foxxy's things are packed and ready to go. In a moment, she will be leaving the Drawn Together house and returning to... well, who knows where she came from. If you will follow me, you can say one last goodbye to her.
[Waitohooru leads the six contestants out of the Room of Doom and into the living room, where Foxxy is taking her things with her. A limo waits outside to take Foxxy to a secret hotel where she, Ling-Ling, and Captain Hero will be staying at, but Stan STILL doesn't know that...]
[Foxxy opens the front door, and goes through it, out of the Drawn Together house for good.]
STAN: Goodbye, Foxxy!
XANDIR: It's going to be hard not having you around anymore!
FOXXY: It gone be hard fo' Foxxy too, but she can handle it!
WOOLDOOR: Bring us back something!
FOXXY: Okay!
[Foxxy enters the limousine. The limo drives off into the horizon, taking Foxxy with it. Because of this, the night sky has just become blacker.]
STAN(CC): I was surprised. I was sure Spanky would be voted off tonight, and Foxxy decides to take the $25,000 reward to leave the house voluntarily. And just after we figured out that it was Spanky who stole all those things, and not her! It just goes to show you that you never know WHAT'S around the corner!
FOXXY(CC): Sorry, Stan, Foxxy had to do it. But that don't mean she don't still love you. For a white person, you actually kinda sweet, Foxxy admit that.
[Flashback shot of Stan and Foxxy fighting each other in the final round of So Sumo Me.]
FOXXY(VO): Yeah, we have our differences, since I black and he white, but there are some similarities! We both love to have fun, and get all crazy when we want to!
[Flashback shot of Foxxy looking over Ling-Ling's sketchbook with Stan.]
FOXXY(VO): And Foxxy sho' glad you di'n't accuse her of bein' the thief. You know, Foxxy surprised that after five days, he still di'n't figure out this show a fake! I'm afraid he ain't never gone be as good of a mystery-solver as Foxxy... but Foxxy still love him!
[Cut back to Foxxy in the camera confessional.]
FOXXY(CC): Foxxy's life in the projects was nothin' compared to Foxxy's life in THIS project! But just 'cause my role in Animated Joe Schmo over, you definitely ain't seen the last of Foxxy Love! Stan, I come back to visit you, and I promise, I be mo' blacker and sexier than you ever seen me befo'! Keep it real, homey!
* * *
[Cut back to the living room, where Waitohooru addresses the six remaining contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: Well, Foxxy's early exit definitely took a lot of you by surprise. But believe me, there won't be an end to the many surprises we have in store for you! Just when you think you have everything figured out, there may be something you overlooked, and it could come back to haunt you. Keep that in mind for the next eviction ceremony. I will be back tomorrow, and I will see all six of you there.
[Waitohooru leaves the Drawn Together house.]
* * *
[After the eviction ceremony, we see Stan, lying on his bed in the Master Bedroom. He seems to feel a bit responsible for Foxxy's sudden departure from the game.]
STAN[crying]: God... what the hell have I done... I had the TV, and I gave it to her...
[Stan sets a pillow out to place his head on.]
STAN: And now, because of me... she accepted a bribe of $25,000, and now she's gone, and Spanky's still here...
[Stan places both hands in front of his face.]
STAN: If it wasn't for my stupid-ass decision, Spanky would've been gone by now... I'm such a dumbass!
[Stan plants his face in the pillow.]
STAN: Maybe... maybe it would be for the best if I just... took myself out of the game...
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[Shot of the Animation Alliance, monitoring all of Stan's actions on TV. They are definitely shocked when they find out Stan is contemplating quitting the game.]
MANNY: Hell no!
BARB: Are you insane, Stan?
DAVE: You can't leave now!
ARTIE: Yeah, this whole show is about you, buddy!
TOM: Besides, don't you know what you're doing to us?
[Silence.]
MIKE: This sounds serious, you guys...
TIM: We don't know what we're gonna do...
HENRY: What CAN we do?
JANE: I don't know...
* * *
***END EPISODE 5***
***PREVIEW OF EPISODE 6***
WAITOHOORU(VO): Next time, on Animated Joe Schmo...
TOOT[to Xandir]: You have got to be kidding me...
WAITOHOORU(VO): Stan wants to quit the game already? Is he insane?
XANDIR: But you made it this far, Stan! You should be proud!
STAN: Well... I don't know...
WAITOHOORU(VO): Perhaps handcuffing him to a cast member might keep him around longer!
STAN(CC): I never thought I'd end up THIS close to Clara!
WAITOHOORU(VO): Plus... a surprise return from Foxxy Love!
FOXXY: Back, and blacker than eva'!
WAITOHOORU(VO): Also, we get to see Stan's gag reflex in action!
FOXXY(CC): See, I told y'all he can't handle dark chocolate!
WAITOHOORU(VO): The eviction ceremony is one you'll definitely be talking about...
WAITOHOORU[to someone]: You are officially banned from the Drawn Together house!
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...and for some reason, Stan's excited about it!
STAN[smiling]: Kick ass!
* * *
Author's Notes:
So Stan wants to quit the game, huh? Well, I have seen summaries of Joe Schmo (and its New Zealand counterpart Living The Dream), and the protagonists of those series wanted to quit, but the eventually decided to stick it out for a while. Maybe Stan will do that too.
Anyway, the recent evictee is Foxxy Love. When I matched the eight Drawn Together houseguests with the eight actors from Joe Schmo, I matched her up with Dr. Pat. You must think these two have nothing in common, since Foxxy is black, and she is a mystery-solving musician, and Dr. Pat is white, and a supposed marriage counselor.
But there are some similarities. For one thing, both are the oldest of the females in their series, although they are still young (and hot), and both have had tragic pasts. Plus, both accepted a bribe of $25,000 to leave the game, and both were violated in Episode 5 by "The Asshole" of their series.
Of course, this also means that Stan has made it to the final six, something he couldn't accomplish back in Animation Survivor. Then again, it's for an obvious reason, and you're looking at it right now.
The challenges in this episode were from Episode 5 of Joe Schmo. The reward challenge was the sumo competition, however, the original offered a trip to a spa in Utah as a prize instead of a Panasonic TV. There are also references to a similar wrestling challenge in Roomies during this challenge (which also offered a Panasonic TV as a prize).
And the immunity challenge is a debating contest. The difference is that many of the topics are much dirtier in the original. However, some of the "distractions" from the actors are still the same, like Spanky baring all and humping Stan's body. Plus, Toot ranted at how Waitohooru is favoring Clara, just like Ashleigh ranted about how Ralph favored Molly.
Oh, JusSonic, sorry about Stan calling your Cartoon Survivor series "mind-numbing crap". Those were his words, not mine! Of course, I wrote his words for him, but still!
Three more days left! Hopefully, Stan won't have quit by then... I certainly won't!
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Animated Joe Schmo