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Losing Control	By : GabrielC Category: Transformers > G1 > AU/AR Views: 4231 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformer. I make no profit from writing this

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
//Comm. speak//

Chapter 5 – Coming Clean

Optimus awoke early the next morning. He turned onto his side his optics spiralling online. Blinking a few times, it took him a few seconds to realise Prowl wasn’t there. He sat up a frown creasing his features. “Prowl?”

His voice sounded small in his quarters, there was no response. Optimus felt sluggish, rubbing his optics he stood. Pouring himself a cube of energon he sipped it slowly. Why would Prowl just leave? How long had he been gone? Optimus sighed to himself as the thought crossed his cortex that Prowl might actually regret what had happened between them. Optimus shook his head, Prowl wasn’t like that, he wouldn’t just casually interface with any ‘bot. He was in fact surprised that he’d given in to the twins so easily, but that was just the bad code wasn’t it? Prowl has said so himself, he didn’t want his actions to be put down to mere reactions to internal damage.

Optimus finished his energon cube. He was probably worrying about nothing. He checked his internal chronometer, 06:30, morning briefing was at 07:00, he could pull Prowl aside after that and talk to him, make sure everything was ok. Knowing Prowl he’d probably just gotten up early and gone straight to work.

Optimus rubbed the back of his neck suddenly remembering why he’d never developed intimate relationships with any of the mechs under his direct command. He was worrying about nothing. Replacing his face mask he straightened. “Pull yourself together Prime...” He growled at himself firmly. Rolling his optics he marched from the room.

****

The briefing room was quiet when Optimus entered. He was early. He felt a wave of disappointment upon finding the room empty. He felt for sure Prowl would be there, setting up for the meeting.

Ironhide came in chatting and laughing animatedly with Jazz, they both gave Optimus a polite nod and took their seats. The atmosphere was always one of formality before morning briefings.

The room began to fill, Ratchet sat beside Optimus. The medic as usual, missed nothing.
“Restless night?”
Optimus blinked. “Excuse me?”

“You look troubled... and I don’t think it’s just about this increased ‘con activity along our perimeter.”
Optimus shook his head and raised an orbital brow at the medic. “How do you do that? Am I really that obvious?”
Ratchet smiled. “To me...? Yes.”

The room fell silent as Prowl entered. They’d all seen his shocking display of anger the previous day, it had unsettled them somewhat. If Prowl could lose control like that, then what else was he currently capable of? Mostly the Autobots, those few who counted themselves amongst his friends were filled with concern, worry.

The tactician as usual was unreadable. He paused at the doorway, only a slight twitch in his doorwings betrayed his observation of the notable mood change within the room.
Optimus watched him intently as he circled the room handing each mech a data pad, detailing the briefing itinerary. He came to Optimus last and held out the datapad.
“Thankyou.” Optimus looked at the black and white mech who inclined his head slightly in a curt nod before taking his seat to the right of his leader.

Ratchet glanced between them, catching Optimus’s optics briefly. The confused look and slight shake of his head told Ratchet pretty much everything.

//We’ll talk later.//
//Ratchet really it’s nothing.//
//Don’t make me schedule it as a maintenance visit.//
Optimus let out a barely audible sigh as Jazz started the meeting.
//I am fine... really.//

Ratchet folded his arms, his optics fixed on Jazz. //Fine, you might be fine but... what about Prowl?//
//He’s back on duty... you can see for yourself... you treated him.//
Ratchet beheld a faint smirk at Optimus’s stubborn attitude. //You can’t fool me Optimus. I told you this sort of potential mental damage takes time to heal if I... we are going to help him at all, I need to know what glitching acts you’ve gotten him into.//
He glanced at his leader. //And we both know he isn’t going to talk to me himself.//
//You’ve made your point Ratchet.//
The medic contained a chuckle. //I haven’t even started.//
It was all Optimus could do, not to groan out loud in defeat.

****

Prowl addressed the briefing after Jazz. His tone even and concise. He filled them all in on the intel he’d managed to gather in one short day.

The amount of work he’d put into it was nothing short of astounding. How he’d managed to collate and process all of Jazz’s, Ironhide’s and his own reports into one detailed datapad, baffled Prime. He took in all the information. It was grim to read and even more foreboding to hear. The Decepticons were becoming more daring, attacking closer and closer to the base. Prowl’s capture being a clear sign that things were getting worse.
Prowl could only speculate what they were after. Their recently obtained energon resource facility, computer access to obtain their defence codes for the perimeter or the location of their forces on Cybertron. All were viable options and potential reasons. He calmly handed out duty rosters, murmurs of disquiet sounded around the room.

“Extra duty shifts?” Cliffjumper groaned, other mechs soon joined in the complaints.
“Doubling up on patrols? Awww come on Prowl don’t you think that’s a little excessive?” Sideswipe moaned.

“It is merely prudent, until we can gather more intelligence on what the Decepticons actually want.” Prowl responded evenly, not rising to the complaints that were rising in decibels around the room.

Optimus took it all in, including the revised duty shifts. It made sense, he could find no fault in Prowl’s logic, although he did not currently envy the tactician’s position of being accosted by aggrieved, irritated Autobots.

Optimus stood and raised his hands, the room fell quiet. “Prowl has a point everyone. We may not like it but the facts are staring at us in the optic. We have to be on our guard. I feel we have all grown somewhat complacent and we can’t let the Decepticons gain a foothold on this base. It would turn the tide of this war in their favour.”
Murmurs of agreement sounded around the room. One of the aerial bots spoke up. “We have to fly twice as far now and only in pairs? The seekers aren’t dumb enough to attack us?” The other aerial bots sniggered at this remark.

“The information you’ve been given clearly shows that the seekers have been carrying out fly bys close to the base. Their patterns indicate they are closing their distance with each pass. We need to be vigilant.” Prowl answered the aerialbot’s candour firmly.
“Yeah they’re probably just looking for you.” Slingshot retorted loudly and sniggered.
Optimus tensed at the words and felt Ratchet stiffen beside him as Jazz and Ironhide got to their feet, their faces grim.

Slingshot paid no attention to the shift in tensions around the room. Silverbot hissed at him fiercely as his cocky mouth ran away with him.

“We could just put Prowl out as bait, lure them in and blow them to the pits.” He laughed defiantly, glaring at each one of them.
“Slingshot that’s enough!” Silverbot scolded him fiercely. Prime’s voice filled the room.

“Slingshot your opinions are not constructive to this meeting, if you don’t have anything useful to add then I suggest you do as Silverbot tells you.” His voice was low, commanding, Slingshot paid no heed to the warning underlying his clipped words.

“What? You can’t deny that it’s not a half bad idea.” The aerialbot retorted.
Sunstreaker nudged his twin, his gaze on Prowl. Sideswipe glanced at the tactician who was standing so rigidly he could have been frozen if it weren’t for the subtle trembling of his door wings.

“Oh come on... you’re all too tense. Prowl’s not arguing with me so it must be a good idea.” Slingshot looked around smugly folding his arms. The room quickly descended into disgruntled arguing.

A loud crash and a holler of pain shattered the chaos. The mechs around the table froze, their optics staring on the sight of Slingshot lying flat on his back, energon trickling from his face with Prowl stood over him his fists clenched tightly as he glared at the unconscious aerialbot with a fierceness rarely seen from him.

Nobody spoke for what seemed like an eternity. Ratchet was the first to move, placing a hand on Prowl’s tense shoulder he jumped back a little as the mech spun round to face him, a cold rage burning in his optics. His air intakes were deep and drawn out as he tried to calm his rising anger. His optics darted from Ratchet to the rest of the Autobots as if seeing them for the first time, taking in their look of shock on their faces, finally coming to rest on Optimus who simply looked back at him, worried.

Prowl’s air intakes stalled and he blinked a few times, the anger that was clouding his CPU like a red haze began to fade leaving a cold, stark awareness of shame at what he’d just done. Prowl’s mouth fell open his normally smooth voice catching in his throat as Optimus held his gaze, his brow deeply furrowed.

“I… I’m sorry… I… didn’t mean… I lost control… shouldn’t have happened… I… I’m sorry…” Prowl stammered before dropping his head and marching briskly from the room.

“Prowl wait!” Optimus called after him.

“I can finish the meeting Prime.” Jazz spoke up softly. Optimus nodded gratefully before following his SIC. Ratchet caught his arm as he passed. Optimus patted his hand knowingly. “I know… I will…”

Ratchet nodded as Jazz’s distinct voice shook the ‘bots to their senses.
“Alright lets get finished… someone mind cleaning up tha’ mess in the back?” He gestured towards the Aerialbots who sheepishly picked up their team mate and followed a highly irritated Ratchet to the med bay.

“Is everyone clear on their responsibilities?” Jazz continued formally. Nods and yes’s echoed around the room. “You’re all dismissed. Let’s get to work.”
The ‘bots bustled out of the room.
“Did you see that punch?!” Bumblebee exclaimed loudly to Cliffjumper who let out a short laugh.

“I sure did, remind me not to get on the wrong side of Prowl.”
“He deserved it!” Ironhide cut in. “Damned Aerialbot shootin’ his mouth off”
“Got no argument from me.” Jazz replied falling into step beside Ironhide.

“Prowl’s left hook almost makes your right hook look like it’s been thrown by a mini-bot Ironhide!” The twins laughed as they sprinted away from the large red mech.

“Hey!” Bumblebee retorted indignantly at the indirect insult.
“Easy little buddy.” Cliffjumper chuckled as Ironhide bellowed after the twins.

“Come back here an’ I’ll show ya what my right hook feels like up close n’ personal!”
Jazz chuckled as he lightly punched the bristling red mech’s arm, ducking a feigned swing in retaliation.

“Don’ you start!” Ironhide warned, Jazz simply played innocent as he cheerfully hummed his way down the corridor.

****
Optimus managed to catch up to Prowl before he reached his office. Grabbing his shoulder firmly he spun the black and white mech in his tracks. “Prowl talk to me!”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Prowl snapped harshly.

Optimus drew back and folded his arms. “Oh no? Nothing about punching one of my mechs into unconsciousness?”

Prowl stiffened visibly his optics dropping to the floor before he straightened and glared coldly at his leader. “Am I to be reprimanded?”
Optimus withdrew slightly startled. “What? No… he was out of line but it’s…”
“Then I request permission to return to work… Sir.”

Optimus winced at the emphasis on formality. “Permission denied! Tell me what’s going on with you?”
Prowl bristled his anger barely restrained beneath the surface. “Sir I must protest!” He spoke through clenched dentals not meeting Optimus’s optics.

“I don’t give a frag!”

Prowl’s head snapped up at Optimus’s sharp tone, he bit off further protests as Optimus drew himself to his full commanding height.
“The Prowl I know, doesn’t go around punching his fellow Autobots, so explain yourself.”
“I… there’s nothing… wrong… I just… I’m fine.”

“Prowl you almost beat Starscream to death with your bare hands… that’s not fine.” Optimus softened his tone and rubbed his optics tiredly. “Prowl please don’t make me have to order you.”

He risked placing a hand on his arm, Prowl flinched from his touch causing him to recoil instantly. “You need to tell me what happened… when they took you.”
Prowl had regained his stoic, impassive composure, clasping his hands behind his back he met Optimus’s concerned optics and almost faltered at the depth of feeling he saw there.
“I NEED to do no such thing.” He turned on his heel and left Optimus staring after him with a stunned expression on his face.

****

Prowl couldn’t concentrate on the datapad in front of him. He’d been staring at it for over an hour and still nothing was sinking in. His cortex was filled with Slingshot’s voice;

‘Use him as bait.’

Was that what he’d been reduced to in their optics… bait? He in-vented sharply his anger bubbling up again. Dropping his datapad he gripped the sides of his helm, resting his elbows against the desk. This wasn’t bad code anymore, he was angry, he couldn’t remember ever feeling so consumed with rage. The very thought of the seekers, of what they’d done and were subsequently still doing to him, filled his circuits with a trembling torrent of unrelenting anger.

In one swift move Prowl stood and let it out with a guttural roar, sending everything on his desk flying across the room. He turned and cried out viciously, his head staring up at the ceiling as his fist crunched against the steel wall which wined and fractured beneath his punch. His exhalations were deep his wings held high as he glared at the wall defiantly as if daring it to resist. He blindly struck the metal hard, repeatedly before servos in his hand shrieked with pain as they finally gave way.

Prowl stopped his forehead dropping against the cool wall. He turned round his optics shuttered and slid slowly down to a sitting position. One leg bent with his elbow resting upon his knees as he buried his face in his unbroken palm, he let out a defeated burst of static.

There he sat in darkness for hours. Occasionally he drifted into an uneasy recharge but the images of the seekers were back to haunt him, taunting him, laughing at his inability to control himself, his anger as he’d always managed to before.
Prowl felt control slipping from his grasp. Bringing both knees up, he held onto himself tightly. If he lost control, his grip what else was there?

His thoughts drifted to Prime, his friend. He’d tried to help him, practically begged him to talk. Prowl had selfishly thrown it back in his face, had pushed him away all in the space of a day. That had to be some kind of record, to go from admitting you have feelings, to interfacing and back to distant apathy in such a short space of time. It was impressive even for him.

Prowl groaned out loud. What had he been thinking? He was not that kind of mech to just interface and walk. He knew how much he’d needed it, wanted it, it probably shouldn’t have been allowed to happen. Was that why he was running from it? This was Prime, Optimus. If he couldn’t trust him, then who?

His rambling thought processes were interrupted by the buzz of his internal comm. Growling with irritation Prowl activated it.

//What?// He winced as he heard the harshness in his voice.
//Thought you might be in recharge after the effort you exerted earlier.// Prime’s baritone voice filled his audios. Prowl frowned as leaned his head back, resting it against the wall.

//I’m not sure what you mean… Sir// He answered quietly his words short and clipped.
//Prowl please don’t treat me like a youngling. I know the sounds of someone destroying their office… done it myself once or twice//
Prowl looked aggrieved. // You heard that?// His voice dropped to an almost fretful whisper.

Optimus let out a sigh. //Prowl I think everyone on base heard it.//
Prowl shuttered his optics once more. The heat of shame stinging his face plates.
//Noone is judging you… you must know that//
Prowl shook his head. //How could they not?//
//They’re your friends… they care about you//
Silence.
//Open your door.//

Prowl onlined his optics his body suddenly tense.

//Please.//

Leaning forward Prowl tapped the lock override on his desk, before sitting back on the floor against the wall.

The room was bathed in warm light from the corridor silhouetting Optimus in the doorway. Prowl could only grimace as the light was switched on. Optimus merely raised his brow at the mess that used to be Prowl’s immacutely tidy office.

Prowl looked up as a shadow loomed over him. Optimus held out his hand. “Come on.”
Prowl was pulled to his feet as he reluctantly took the offered hand. “Where are we going?”
“To get you some energon you’re going to need it for all the talking you’re going to be doing.”

“But I…”

Optimus held up a palm silencing his tactician. “If I don’t at least put on a show of trying, Ratchet is going to hand my spark to Megatron.” His optics upturned slightly as he smiled thinly beneath his face mask.
“That’s how he persuaded you to talk to me?” Prowl couldn’t help but feel a little put out.

“He has a way with words.” Optimus glanced around the room. “And I’d rather sit with you in complete silence if I must, than have you destroy my base one room at a time.”
Prowl knew he had no other choice but to follow as his leader led the way out of the room.

****

Sit in silence they did. Prowl sipped his energon cube perched on the edge of his own berth. Optimus had brought Prowl to his own quarters overriding the door lock and commanding that Prowl sit while he poured them both energon. Prowl was a little surprised that Prime had known where his private supply was kept but then he’d started to accept recently that there was a lot he didn’t actually know.

Prowl lowered the cube letting it rest on his knee. “I’m not very good at this.” He spoke quietly, Optimus barely registered that he’d spoken at all. He glanced at him and waited for him to continue. Prowl’s doorwings drooped. “I should have more control, restraint than I’ve demonstrated of late, I apologise for putting you in this position.”
“Prowl I don’t think that...”
Prowl met his leader’s gaze earnestly. “Please… let me finish.”

Optimus fell silent, Prowl felt uncomfortable heat spreading through his circuits. “I’ve never felt so… so helpless, so… humiliated in all my cycles since being onlined. Even I didn’t think the Decepticons would stoop to acts of depravity to satisfy their urge to beat us.” Prowl’s voice grew quieter, he struggled as he fought the images threatening to invade his mind.

“What happened?” Optimus asked softly. Prowl merely looked at him and smiled sadly.
“They took my self respect, any shred of dignity I had… and… I let them.”
“Prowl you couldn’t have known how they’d react if you hadn’t.”

Prowl stood and paced, his back to Optimus. His voice trembled slightly. “I begged for it… toward the end… I begged them…cried out for them. I wanted it, needed it so badly by that point, I was forced to enjoy it while they laughed when I screamed in pain.”

Optimus couldn’t help but gawp at the revelation. Grateful his face mask hid his stunned expression. Prowl’s optics were hard as he glanced at him. “All I could think about was letting them take me, fill me… make me overload just so it could stop… it didn’t stop… they didn’t stop. So when I finally gave in… and I did give in… oh Primus… it felt good.” Prowl’s voice caught in his throat, his door wings shuddered.
“I am a disgrace.” He whispered, hanging his head.

Firm hands gripped his shoulders, startling him he’d not even heard Prime move. He was unwilling to meet his azure optics afraid of what he’d find there, shame bearing heavily on his mind.

Optimus lifted Prowl’s face, hot air wafting over his face plates as his tactician exhaled softly. Hesitantly Optimus leaned forward pausing for a split second their faces close to touching. Shyly he touched his mouth to Prowl’s who mewed softly in response, his air intakes stalling. Optimus pulled back ensuring that Prowl look at him.

“You did… what any of us would have done… you have done nothing to be ashamed of.”
Prowl clenched his jaw anger once again blazing in his optics. “I let them… I let them…” His face plates screwed up with disgust. “I let them… fuck me… ra… rape me.” He dropped his head once more. “Make me theirs… I let them…”
“What could you have done?” Optimus asked firmly Prowl’s words stinging like a slap in the face.

“Anything! Fought harder… something!” Prowl exclaimed exasperated.
“And you’d probably be dead.” Optimus stated simply, sadly, definitely. His own cortex filled with icy cold dread at the thought. Prowl looked pained.

“How can you even look at me? I can barely look at me.”

“Because I don’t see a victim!” Optimus barked, shaking Prowl from his cycle of self loathing and despair. “I see… you… and I am… more than grateful that you were spared.”
Prowl bit his lower lip hard, unable to grasp at any one emotion that was roaring through his cortex. He merely dropped his head into his hands a faint burst of static escaping his lips. Optimus couldn’t help himself, he pulled him closer, almost desperate to hold him, to take away the damage and hurt yet fearful that he would once again push him away.

He pressed his lips onto Prowl’s red chevron, the tactician leaned into the touch. Angling his head upwards Prowl caught Optimus’s lips with his own.
Soon enough their lips were locked together, their glossa exploring each other’s warm mouths. Prowl pushed against him, his anger, his desperation driving him. A faint moan from his vocaliser filled Optimus with desire.

Optimus’s hands drifted down Prowl’s back, around to his hips gripping, scratching, pulling him into him. He let out a deep growl as he dipped his head into Prowl’s throat sucking, licking at wiring. Prowl gasped and whined with needy pleasure. His fingers dug beneath Prime’s frame tugging him towards his berth. He wanted this, the comfort of being with someone he could trust, who wouldn’t hurt him.

They fell back, bodies entwined, rocking, writhing together. Cooling fans drowning out their groans and cries of mutual seduction.

Optimus was burning up at the rising bubbling heat within him. Prowl cried out wantonly as he traced the seams along his door wings. He blinked as he watched the cool tactician lose himself to his caresses, his desires. Optimus wasn’t sure.

“Prowl…” His deep voice a whisper. “We shouldn’t…”

Prowl breathed in deeply, his legs wrapping around Optimus’s waist, refusing to listen to the nagging doubts telling him to stop, that it wasn’t right. No!

“Need this… need… need you…” He mumbled, barely hanging onto coherent thought. His diligent fingers retracted Optimus’s interface cover and ran from the tip to the base of his erect spike. Optimus shivered with want and anticipation, yet he still resisted.

“Please…” Prowl breathed arching into him, his pale blue optics locked onto Optimus. “I… I won’t run… won’t shut you…. Unngghh… out…”

Optimus couldn’t hold back any longer, groaning loudly he drove his spike slowly tenderly into Prowl’s clenching, warm valve. Prowl clawed at his back letting out a long low moan as Optimus pushed slowly, intently deeper inside him, finding a slow gradual rhythm he thrust smoothly into the tensing lubricated valve, sending waves of heat and building energy cascading through their circtuits. Overload crept over them with an aching sweet burst of release and tingling satisfaction.

Prowl trembled, his mouth parted as his face plates screwed up with a pleasurable scream of bliss as transfluid pumped into him stroking every overly sensitive sensor node. Optimus’s thick length still throbbed and pulsed deep inside him. He let out a faint sob of satisfaction and relief as he held Optimus close to him tightly.

Optimus slid onto his side his optics drifting over Prowl’s satiated frame. Gone was the tension and stress, the self loathing for now. He smiled thinly as Prowl fell into recharge a broken hand clutching at his own. He frowned at the damaged hand as his own free hand traced the line of the red chevron.

Prime was no fool, Prowl might be able to temporarily convince himself and everyone else he was fine but he feared his SIC still had a long way to go.
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Losing Control