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A Series of Events	By : zypherion Category: Transformers > G1 > Het - M/F Views: 1659 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers,nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. I do own copyrights to all OCs in this fic.

Chapter List
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- 50
It was slightly amusing to see the trio of xenos purposefully finding staff members to show off their new sparks. The children were quite awed by the sight as were a few staffers. The news of the spark bearing xenos had reached the scientists. Perceptor showed up at the base to take a look at their sparks himself and run a few tests on them. He certainly appeared to be pleased by the results of the tests. According to Magmorta, who came to talk to me about it later, Perceptor had said because of the sparks and the results of earlier tests that various scientists had run with their unique metal 'stuff' that he was about 75 percent certain that cross breeding was possible. Depth was so giddy after that news that he drove us just a bit crazy with his antics. It took Magmorta to get him to finally chill out enough to be tolerable. In comparison Shadow was oddly quiet and reflective, often seen seated somewhere in the base appearing to be in deep contemplation. Eventually the shock and surprise of the three having sparks wore off amongst the staffers and things got back to normal.
Time moved on, one day melted into a week then into a month and then a year. Due to the odd amount of respectful distance that Shark gave me, I figured that I had somehow scared the mech away for good this time. That realization hit me hard as this was my twentieth year among the Autobots as a Cybertronian. The location of this moment of clarity was the shower rack in the launch room. That guilt I had felt previously came back with a vicious streak. Its best friend at that moment was sadness in its purest form. It was a one two punch that had me crouch down into a huddled position under the shower and sobbing audibly.
Ursa Thylar, who had been patrolling with me, nosed at my arms a few times and asked me if I was going to be okay. I didn't even reply to her, certainly too deep in self pity to even realize she left and soon came back with Vixica to see if I'd be willing to talk to her. The shower shut off after a preprogrammed amount of time, the two stayed a bit longer then retreated. I was dimly aware of two bodies literally sliding into my little space, my body being lifted and carried. The sensation of my recharge berth under me was briefly noted.
The two that carried me, Depth and Shadow, spoke softly to each other in their language as they moved out of my room. I was left alone for a time, but certainly not long enough as the door opened again. The foot falls stopped at my recharge berth, as I felt the presence sit down that familiar spark ache edged into my consciousness. I gripped my legs tighter, trying desperately to become a ball of metal. A hand came to rest on my upper back and then the other joined it. The movement of those hands were small circles; the concern in the mech's voice was evident, "Want to talk about it?"
I shuddered, choking on a sob. Having him here made me feel worse. My spark was so out of cadence right now. Those hands moved slowly, slipping off my back and sliding down my sides coming close together in what space there was between my body and legs. The slight press of his warm armor against my back coupled with his voice near my audio, "Depth's a perceptive mech, but I think you already knew that… but he said you were like this because of me." There was a slight shift to my right, like he was moving a leg. He gently pulled my back tighter against his front, "He got a glimpse of what's going on with you when it comes to males… mechs… but especially me. He verified all that you had told me years ago." I felt a slight shift of him against me, a little tug then a gentle hug, "I know I haven't been actively showing what I feel about you for some time now since I was trying to figure out if maybe I was unduly influenced by our sparks being in harmony. Was trying to reason out if I should continue trying to pursue some sort of relationship with you that wouldn't make you feel uncomfortable."
I sniffled and sighed at what he was saying to me. My tears weren't flowing anymore and very slowly his presence was working to better my mood rather than making it worse. I relaxed my grip on my legs a bit; this earned a slight shift of his arms and hands. "I know you had bad experiences in your human life that have made it challenging to be amongst us mechs at first, made you face whatever fears or issues you possessed. I know I didn't really help matters any with the things I did. Yet through it all you slowly rose above it, were able to accept the mechs here as true friends. You have come a long way." Another shift as I felt him tug on me a bit, my arms loosening their grip further from my legs. We were now both at a slight angle. His other leg came up and paralleled the one in place, both were bent at the knees, feet nearly flat against the recharge berth. "Barracuda, I'd like to know what started all these tears. I'll listen quietly and not interrupt you. Just tell me why I feel such spark sadness roiling off of you. Please."
The internal war I was having at the moment finally had my body letting go of the rest of the tension to the point that I simply pressed my back against his front, which in turn had him lean back more. Eventually he was lying fully upon his back with my backside and legs situated between his legs and my back lying against his waist and part of his chest. I stared up at the ceiling for a time, then took in a shuttering 'breath' inward that had my fans kick on briefly. My voice was hoarse sounding as I spoke, "I feel guilty for putting you through so much Shark. For doubting your intentions being more than just lust based. For making you wait by my pushing you away physically and verbally. I am so utterly raw right now emotionally. I feel so bad for so many things. I don't think any amount of apologizing would ever make it better. I am just so confused and unsure about what to do anymore. I should not be feeling like I'm alone or lonely, yet I do."
There was a slight movement of his hands against my torso and a slight brush of metal against the side of my helm. Shark didn't speak though as he held me against him gently.
"I haven't really known the love that I see the other couples have… I have nothing to base it off of to really and truly know that it is love. They make it seem so easy. I have been secretly jealous while simultaneously being indecisive at figuring out if I could feel it for anyone." I said softly, "My parents were no example of it, I always felt like I was lying when I told them I loved them. I started to think I just couldn't love, that my heart had been stripped so bare it could hold no such emotion. The feelings only got worse when the children started being created and were among us, doing what the young do in their sweet, carefree way. I felt a whole new sort of jealousy and sadness over comparing my childhood to theirs… even if I couldn't and didn't want to recall my youth, I still felt as if I had been majorly ripped off when it came to my own childhood." I shifted my arms slightly so I could rest my hands upon his hands, which remained upon my mid-torso. "As a human there is a tactile need for physical affection, I have been sorely missing that sort of thing more than I realized. This compounded the constant state of fearing it is too late for me, that I have been too damaged. That my only choice is to continue pushing away any sort of happiness, even when it so obviously wants nothing more than just my happiness." I tilted my head back, my helm sliding against his armor so I could look toward him, "I truly do not know what you see in me that is even worth loving Shark. All I do know is you meant what you have said in the past and that you have been so patient with me."
Shark gazed back into my optics, his green optic band lit slightly as he relaxed against the berth. He gave me a slight smile and murmured softly, "Barracuda, what I see in you is the being that has been within you all along. The one that has been buried under so much family drama, emotional trauma, mental manipulations, and a soul sucking sewer. That's who I've been waiting for and in my own way courting. She's in there. So don't think for a moment I'm going anywhere."
The mech scared me with his pinpoint accurate verbal assault that was obviously well thought out and perceptive. Looking into his optics after he said that I realized that not only was it scary that he knew this, but also that he was right. The honest brutal truth is something I respected. I shifted my hands up to his knees and used them to heave my torso up off the mech. His knees came down slowly as I righted myself so I was able to twist enough to throw a leg over his leg and place my hands beside his hip so I eventually ended up on hands and knees. His optics met mine again and his head cocked slightly toward the right. I moved up the berth a bit and laid down on my side close to him. He was still looking at me in silence.
"Then I guess you are staying here while I recharge Shark?" I asked.
There was a slight bit of surprise that crossed his features as his optics flickered a brighter shade of green before settling back to normal hue. He gave the barest of nods, "If you would allow it."
"I think I can trust you Shark. See you in a few hours." I murmured, then allowed myself to fall into recharge.
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A Series of Events