Borealis: A Zutara Story | By : jaded_priceless Category: Avatar - The Last Airbender > AU/AR - Alternate Universe/Alternate Reality Views: 33555 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 4 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender, Avatar: The Legend of Korra, any historical figures or events, or easily recognizable persons, places or things. I make no profit from this work of fanfiction |
Chapter 47
Zuko cracked one eye and took a sideways peep at Katara. She was completely still. There were tear tracks on her face. Her head rested at an odd angle on his shoulder. He cradled her head and adjusted their positions hoping she would be more comfortable. She didn’t wake up. He had been told that if a woman went to into a deep sleep after sex it was because a man had taken too much of her life force. She needed rest and a good meal to replenish it. Zuko brushed a lock of hair from her face vowing to always take care of her.
That vow brought him back to his earlier thoughts, sust as the transition to adulthood transformed young male dragons he was taught that the loss of virginity gives every man power. For a Firebender it would unlock the secret potential of his inner flame. Just as dipping a wick in wax allowed it to burn longer unfurling a phoenix’s wings with his dragon and coating it with her virginal blood would unleash the strength Agni placed inside him as the sex act fortified his life force with hers.
Katara was strong. He had taken a portion of that strength when he raped her and gave her a part of his in return. He bonded her to him the moment he appointed himself her protector. Just as dragons mated for life, the mingling of a boy’s first true seed and a girl’s virginal blood formed an unbreakable spiritual bond between them. At the point of climax the eggs of his dragon would truly break and freely spill their contents inside her.
Even if the union did not result in pregnancy a portion of his life force would be left behind and absorbed into her body as her phoenix recuperated from the intrusion. That bond was the reason why he and all Fire Nation boys were taught to save themselves for the woman they were going to marry. A man would always owe his first woman a debt of gratitude for using a part of her life force to bestow his manhood upon him and in return his true power would be tied to her. The knot in Zuko’s stomach grew larger. He had been saving himself for Mai but had given his first to Katara.
Just as Agni’s rays shone over all the nations; they were brighter and more powerful in the Fire Nation. Just as man could still prosper with a woman who wasn’t his first the second union would not be as fruitful or prosperous. He would not be as successful or prosperous; his inner fire could flicker towards greatness but never truly burn as hot with a woman who was not the first to stoke his flame.
Zuko coughed and sputtered as snot dripped down his airway. Katara was his first woman but he was engaged to Mai. He’d broken up with her, but he still liked her. But he’d told her all those horrible things and got aroused by Katara while talking to her. That couldn’t be a good sign. Uncle Iroh always said the spirits spoke to the living but most were too busy to heed the signs. Maybe that meant he’d be able to join the Avatar’s group and while at her side he’d have the strength to defeat his father. They would win the war but she and the Water Tribe would invade again to avenge her honor as soon as it was over.
The Fire Nation was a string of islands surrounded by water. He could be the very last Fire Lord. He’d die a weak man by Mai’s side as Katara laughed while drowning them. He should have never made her his concubine. He should have worked harder and done a better job at finding another way to protect her. He’d still be a virgin but he wouldn’t feel like shit either.
Zuko sniffed again. He knew that was not the answer. Half of the crew would have had her while he was thinking of a way to protect her. It was best that he had done what he did. He had only forced his penis inside her vagina. Her body had two more openings. He would never orally or anally rape her. Uncle also said destiny had a strange way of working things out. Maybe there was a chance she would come to understand why what he did to her and convince the Avatar to let him join their group and help defeat his father without coming back to destroy his country. Maybe this strange situation was destiny’s way of putting them together as well as giving him the strength needed to overthrow his father.
Just as with any flame if a boy’s inner flame was never stoked, the fire would sputter and fizzle, casting only the soft light of dying embers while ashes covered the lost potential. Most boys lost their virginity at twelve or thirteen as part of their betrothal ceremony. But his growth had been stunted due to unforeseen circumstances. At sixteen he was well above the age when the rite of manhood should have happened. He had often heard his uncle speculate if that was the reason he was so moody, stubborn, and childish at times.
The burning desire to prove himself was one of the reasons his uncle had never let him purchase a whore when they went to brothels. The power a man received from his first sowing was tied directly to the purity of and strength of the woman who received it. He was allowed to ease his tensions by spending time with trainees who were still learning to please a man but Uncle Iroh took his wallet to further ensure he would not be left alone with a girl willing to sheathe his dragon.
There was too much at stake for him to lose his virginity in such a manner. He had only thought that his uncle wouldn’t let him have sex with a whore because he didn’t want to risk any problems with inheritance since he was the Crown Prince of the Fire Nation. He had thought all that talk about receiving power and becoming a real man was garbage but now he wasn’t so sure.
After physically being with Katara he felt strong enough to challenge his father and the entire court of nobles to an Agni Kai. Even now, confused and crying he still felt invincible and oddly at peace.
He first noticed the feeling the palace when he faced his father and declared Katara his concubine. Before he was banished, when he was still an untouched boy; he had cowed, trembling, and begging his father for mercy and forgiveness instead of fighting him. Now that he was a man, a real man that had lain with a woman, had baptized his dragon inside her life giving phoenix and shared the bounty of its eggs with her he had thrown a fireball at his father. He had grabbed his wrist and burned him while physically removing his hand from her.
Zuko shifted, moving his body closer to Katara and burying his face further beneath her hair. That wasn’t supposed to happen. He was only supposed to feel like that after consensually making love to a woman not raping one. It should have been Mai, not Katara, who made him feel that way. She was his fiancée and the girl he cared for. He was only supposed to feel those things after making love to her and solidifying their engagement not after raping Katara.
The only reason he took her as his concubine was to protect her from the crew and the nobles. But not wanting to see her harmed was nothing compared to this new overwhelming desire to shield her from everything that could potentially hurt her, even himself. He didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t like knowing the only way to protect her was to hurt her.
It frightened him how good being inside her felt when he was hurting her.
He’d been told that rape was about power and subjugation not sex and pleasure. Rape was a way to exert your superiority over a lesser person but he had also been warned against it. His uncle had cautioned him that it left some men so messed up inside that they were unable to have a normal relationship with a woman. His mother had told him that Lord Asami was one of those men. He had become so twisted that he didn’t like girls the way boys should so his wife left him.
She explained that instead of normal feelings a man got when he saw a pretty women he got the desire to hurt them. At the time he didn’t understand what his mother meant. Now that he was old enough to have experienced sexual excitement what he felt when raping Katara confused him. It felt no different than what he’d felt with Mai, Jin, Song, the acolyte whores his uncle had bought for him or his moments aboard the Albatross with his hand.
Zuko had thought that desire and sexual pleasure were only possible alone or with a willing woman. Katara was unwilling.
He had felt disgusted and dirty yet vastly different each time he was taking her. The first two times he had only wanted to assert his claim as fast and gently as possible. When his father was watching he only wanted to make her scream as loud as he could and get it over as fast as possible so he could end her misery. That last time, when he begged her to be still, he took her because she felt good around him; because she aroused him and he wanted to be inside her, not because he needed proof that he hadn’t lost interest in her but because he was horny and he could.
He was becoming a monster.
Rape was supposed to be a different sensation than sex and arousal. They used the same body parts and functions, but it was supposed to feel different, like the difference between sparring and fighting for your life. One was supposed to make you feel tired and invigorated; the other was supposed to make you feel desperate and afraid. The first times with Katara, he’d been fighting for his life, the last time he was sparring. It was such a good match; he’d tried to prolong it.
He didn’t want to end up like Lord Asami and so many other men at court. He didn’t want to be the type of beast who enjoyed hurting women. He didn’t want to disappoint his mother or his uncle. He only wanted to protect Katara until he could find a way to get his plan to join them and teach the Avatar Firebending back on track. He needed to find his uncle.
Uncle Iroh would be able to explain these feelings and help him. Uncle had told him that good and evil would always be at war within him because of his ancestry. Maybe these pleasurable feelings were the result of that. Maybe next time he’d be disgusted again. Maybe he wouldn’t try to make it last longer because that space between her legs was so heavenly.
Maybe next time he would feel just as miserable mentally as he did all the others. Zuko was torn from his musings. Katara was stirring.
Author's Note: Thank you for reading.
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