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Watermelon Snow
By : pronker
Category: +M through R > Penguins of Madagascar
Views: 2672 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0Disclaimer: I make no profit from this fanfiction using the Penguins of Madagascar characters owned by Dreamworks. -
Chapter List
- 1-Watermelon Snow
- 2-2/50
- 3-3/50
- 4-4/50
- 5-5/50
- 6-6/50
- 7-7/50
- 8-8/50
- 9-9/50
- 10-10/50
- 11-11/50
- 12-12/50
- 13-13/50
- 14-14/50
- 15-15/50
- 16-16/50
- 17-17/50
- 18-18/50
- 19-19/50
- 20-20/50
- 21-21/50
- 22-22/50
- 23-23/50
- 24-24/50
- 25-17-18/50 SLASH INTERLUDE BETWEEN CH. 17 AND 18. AU ON 'WATERMELON SNOW'
- 26-24A/50 SLASH VERSION OF CH. 24 FOR KICKS AND GIGGLES *** AU ***
- 27-25/50
- 28-26/50
- 29-27/50
- 30-28/50
- 31-29/50
- 32-30/50
- 33-31/50
- 34-32/50
- 35-33/50
- 36-34/50
- 37-35/50
- 38-36/50
- 39-37/50
- 40-38/50
- 41-39/50
- 42-40/50
- 43-41/50
- 44-42/50
- 45-43/50
- 46-44/50
- 47-45/50
- 48-46/50
- 49-47/50
- 50-48/50
- 51-49/50
- 52-50/51
- 53-51/51
Skipper didn't seem to care about covert conversation as they waddled along. His voice rang strong and clear under Arcturus. "Washington's welkin, it's a good thing the live screen had a sensor to click back to the white dot if nobody talked in ten minutes, but did you hear that maniac, Kowalski? He's doing what he's doing because he wants to and no other reason besides his own will. I tell you I've thought him nutso before but this is the absolute end. So now we know why he made giant worms! We know, we have intel running out our earholes, we act, and that's that. Operation: Plug A Blowhole will be outstanding for the mission files. I never thought when we came here that forced relaxation could be so, so relaxing." Skipper was on a natural high of intel-gathering victory, thought Kowalski, and the fact that they had yet to actually defeat Blowhole in the supple flesh was secondary.
Private soared into the stratosphere, too. "Wot I thought when I couldn't catch you in time, Skippa, was that we were done for. Right done for, or at least Operation: Plug A Blowhole would need a major revampin'. And now we can put him away like we'd planned in four hours! Piece of cake! Huzzah!"
Rico grunted, "Chikns."
"Aw, soldier, I am not counting chickens. I've hardly ever felt like this! We've turned the delay into a relay of good solid intel thanks to Kowalski. We have the best possible sitrep going and your Gloomy Gus face will not turn me into a Negative Nellie. This must be what McDonagh felt like when he scored the game-winning goal against the Devils to clinch the 2011 final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference! Gold stars and Stanley Cups to you, Kowalski! Up high!"
Kowalski coasted on this for some steps until he saw Imelda's habitat coming up. It was best not to have an audience for the subject he wanted to broach. "Skipper, a word alone, please."
"Uh, sure." Skipper made the signal for Routine Four: Scout Ahead I'll Catch Up Later. Rico and Private slid away like watermelon seeds squirted by sticky kiddies at the county fair. The leader watched them slide with what could not fail to be envy and then turned to his lieutenant with a smile. "What is it, m'main penguin?"
"I'll have more to say about Blowhole's cockamamie plan in the debriefing when the others are present but first, why did you ask about Doris?"
"That? It was for camouflage, you know, befuddle and then stab with the real zinger, classic Routine Thirteen? We've got gold intel now, so what does it matter? I guess Doris told her brother about me and her hooking up so he assumed that I had feelings for her because even as a ghost I asked about her welfare --- oh shiitake mushrooms."
"You've noticed that she didn't tell him about me."
Kowalski had always realized that Skipper was good at fishing for excuses. "You don't know that, compadre. Blowhole was responding directly to the question without expanding yes that was it he only said he himself was never going to fall in love because to him it's awf--- "
"Skip it, Skipper." Kowalski folded his flippers over his chest and tried to spot Imelda. She and Marcus must have been asleep in their den.
"No no no. You're going to eighty-six the gloom and doom because you've got faulty intel. First rule of interrogating, and I quote, 'a neutral and nonpartisan source' --- that's Blowhole under truth serum, by the by --- is that the subject 'takes the position of answering questions directly but seldom volunteers information so that the interrogator may need to ask specific questions to obtain the information required.' Am I right or am I right that he answered simply but incompletely?"
Kowalski argued further as was his way. "Maybe. I'm wishing right now that I really had needed that new identity as Esmerelda Ramirez to live undercover in Puerto Vallarta. She sounded an uncomplicated sort of penguin."
"You don't want to know the backstory that Rockgut concocted for her, but that's neither here nor there. What's crystal clear tonight is that you need a 'special briefing.'""With my history?"
"Not that kind of briefing! This is about chance being the fool's name for fate and how that works for our team. What if I had ordered you or Private or Rico to perch on the manger and the slat had worked loose? What if Blowhole had then gotten wind of you three hard on his trail? He'd move his lorry or skip town and then where would the mission be? It was fate that he saw me and not any of you and continues to think me dead, I say."
Kowalski countered as quick as a jackass penguin could gulp down an anchovy. "Fate and not scientific chance, really? He will still be taken by surprise at your not pushing up blåklocka when we catch up with him, so there's that. Also, Rico and Private and I are not compromised health-wise so we would have jumped off when the slat came free."
Skipper's good mood fled south like a migrating monarch butterfly deserting Manitoba for México when fall first chills the air. "All right, point taken. Let's move along to Doris and her brother. There are things that families do, even strange ones like theirs. They stick together and keep a united front against the world. For instance, I wouldn't tell Kitka some personal things that you know about me and you wouldn't tell Doris some details about you that we three know and keep to ourselves. Family is family. It's not chance but fate that you and I are in the same family."
"But --- "
"No buts! Orrrrrrr" --- Skipper got a burst of inspiration tailor made for the sitch --- "maybe she didn't tell him about you because you mattered to her and I didn't. She wanted to keep you to herself or think about you some more to know what to tell him, oh hell I don't know."
"Doris is capable of thought, that's true."
The ulcer threatened under the breastbone and Skipper had to wrap up this briefing swiftly after that slight concession from his lieutenant. "Chew on this awhile, smart guy. I got taken off guard and spouted a nonce question to shake up the bastard. I can become as rattled as the next penguin and answered like I thought you would. If he splashed down on a wrong conclusion about her and me, brother, I can't help it. Get your head in the game. You're smarter than he is, dammit. Fate made you my second."
The stubborn look returned as Kowalski twisted away. "He's smart, too, brother, but he can't figure out his own sister --- "
"And you can? Or me? Drop it for another time, soldier!"
IOIOIOIOIO
Rico and Private could see their breath as they lolled inside the fence. "Skippa's flappin' his flippers and bouncin' on his toes. That's almost never a good sign. Crikey, here comes the wordless yell to the sky. Wot do you think it's all about, then?"
Rico got a sour look. "Doris."
"Wot about her?"
"'Kipppaaaah brotter up wif psycho."
"And K'walski is upset over that? Maybe. I don't think he ought to be, but maybe."
Rico's rumpled face tinged with sadness. "Luvzer." To Private's relief, the sorrow faded and was replaced by determination. "Kwoskkii not stupid."
"I think love makes us all stupid, my friend. She's not been around for ever so long and K'walski is still hung up. He needs a distraction."
Determination gave way to something Private couldn't decipher. He was about to ask Rico about it when Skipper and Kowalski approached. He and Rico caught just the edges of their conversation.
"You'll see her again. I feel it in my gut."
"I don't want to." Skipper waited for his boost over the fence but Kowalski cleared the toprail by two feet without a glance backwards.
"Rico and Private, do the honors. Kowalski has a heart, I mean headache." Kowalski aced a dive into the moat after brushing off Rico's comforting pat. He disappeared into the habitat interior.
After he skimmed the top of the fence to land beside Skipper, Private knew moody when he saw it and kept his beak zipped. He slid both flippers under the recovering left foot and heaved.
Rico caught his uncommunicative commander on the other side and ushered him along the narrow path to the isthmus. Private saw Rico jar some reply out of Skipper and then spied their beaks moving but couldn't make out words. He shrugged as he leaped back over and accepted the cold comfort of near freezing running water in their moat for a personal best time once around the habitat before sliding headfirst down the ramp inside it.
Except for a tightness around the eyes, Kowalski looked the same as ever at the debriefing. "There's something bothering me about Dave and Blowhole's species blending, but for now this is what I've got." A sneer distorted his features as he declaimed, "Blowhole is flat out stupider than a Gentoo. Studies have shown that ice melt would drown Florida and the eastern seaboard and Gulf Coast. While the Mississippi would surge far up its course and affect Iowa slightly, Kansas would be the same as now. His schemes are not the hundred per cent villainy he thought." The sneer vanished as Skipper voiced a question.
"What about Denmark?"
"All of Denmark would disappear as would our homes in Central Park Zoo and Antarctica --- um, well, no, but Antarctica would be lots smaller."
Skipper had never looked more leaderly as he sat at the head of the class. "Doesn't matter. We take our heritage with us. Cheer up, boys, we defeated Dave and he was a bigger menace than Blowhole."
Excuse me, he wasn't, in the global scientific sense, Skipper, Kowalski wanted to say, but Skipper was on a roll. "Let me think. Denmark would be totally wiped from the face of the earth if his plan succeeds" -- the others could not believe their earholes --- "and I have personal reasons for wanting that to happen" --- Rico and Private rose as one to deliver a tempered smack down in rampant insubordination --- "but in the end, he must be stopped. Even Danes don't deserve total annihilation. Where would we be without lingonberry jam and open-faced sandwiches? Am I right, men?" Skipper turned behind him for moral support.
Rico ceased swinging his blackjack and nodded enthusiastically. "Heayeahhhh!"
Private came down from combat stance with a beguiling disguise into a leisurely stretch and yawn as his posture gave way and he stretched flat on the floor. "So we're off to battle tomorrow, gents." His eyes were half-lidded with fatigue.
"Delay is done, young Private. It turned out better than anyone could have expected. Hit the sack with me for a few hours until we need to catch the Monday milk truck." Skipper appraised Kowalski as Private rolled into the deeper access of the bunk he shared with his commander. Little hbbbhbbbbs issued from it after less than one minute so Skipper kept his voice down as Rico also retired.
"What do you think is wrong with Blowhole's plan?"
"I'll sleep on it and maybe it'll happen in a dream that I'm back in New York City where I have my lab with its calculator and other machines like the DNA analyzer to work with. I'll dream I have some backup, too."
"Other than penguins?"
Kowalski snorted after crossing his flippers and evading Skipper's gaze. "I'd even take Joey at this point."
"You want somebody to fight with?"
"I feel like punching something, yeah. It would help if --- "
"--- you could dot her eyes. I know the feeling, amigo. I got unhappy with Kitka once or thrice." Skipper poked Kowalski in the chest. "But we don't do that, now do we." He noted how Kowalski's flippers balled with tension. He poked him again. At the simmering look, he said, "Take a swing at me, boyo."
It was a measure of Kowalski's frustration that he made no reply but launched a Marquess of Queensberry textbook punch, left up to guard, right in a straight jab.
Skipper bobbed out of reach and got on his bicycle around the imaginary ring, weaving around his lieutenant's attack that lacked its usual thoughtful strategy. By the time Kowalski paused to wheeze his way back into normal breathing, Skipper discovered with pleasure that he himself was lightly winded. Finally, he thought, some endurance. "Feel better?"
"Some. Thanks, sir."
"No problemo."
The four little penguins dutifully rolled out at the time of night when dawn was a mere expectation for the eternally hopeful. After gobbling the few smelts that they had saved for use as energy bars, they matched Skipper cup for cup of coffee. "Good thinking, team. Light meal before action, caffeine to stimulate the think melon, and hey we're off."
The zoo was as quiet as it ever got. There were only columns of fog now that appeared ghostlike in the dark. The four welcomed back the stars as they waddled past the polar bear habitat. "Should we see if Imelda can be muscle or lookout for this mission?" Kowalski felt it his obligation to point out even unlikely scenarios.
"She'd be bodacious in a fight and maybe we could jam her aboard the milk truck. Any ideas how?"
"Um. Let me think. No."
"So we think alike. She'll be our undercover resource here at the zoo." They trod single file to the moose habitat. Sasquatch was awake.
"That was a trip and a half, as the expression goes," she greeted them without preamble. "So you're on the way to him?"
"We are," Skipper said. "You stay here by the TV in case he comes to and gets confused and/or wants to start up partying again."
"I shall do my best." Sasquatch retrieved her dead soldier from the exercise yard and refilled it with water as they watched. "He's probably not going to be conscious any time soon, though I'm unsure since I've never used stuff like he has. Booze fills my needs nicely and it's not criminal to enjoy it."
Skipper waved her irrelevant comments off and got straight to business. "There's another reason not to deploy you. If we fail today despite all our plans, you'll have a chance with him to get away from the zoo. Be warned, Sasquatch, that he said you might meet with" --- he sketched air quotes --- "an accident on the way to Nepal."
"Hugo told me. That bandar ko chaak."
"I don't know what that means, but yeah, don't trust him any farther than you can throw him. If he's still under the influence when we arrive, all to the good. We'll disable the lorry after we ensure he doesn't escape and then notify Ålanders somehow. I'm thinking Rico's riveting the doors shut as a tactic at the moment."
Rico grinned with all his beak before making appropriate sounds. "Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!"
Hugo was practically sitting on the space heater. "What about his helpers?"
"Minions have limited loyalty and once they see he's outgunned, they'll be scuttlin' away like the lackeys they are even before the authorities arrive. Spineless weak things." Private looked fierce and belittling at the same time.
"Technically, Private, crab exoskeletons take the place of spines --- "
"Enough, Kowalski. We march. Sasquatch, Hugo, keep the home fires burning."
Sasquatch joined Hugo by the soothing warmth as they chorused well wishes. "Subhakamana." "Semoga Beruntung."
"The same back at you."
As they trooped past the primate house and reptile building to the café beyond it and the service entrance beyond that, there came a rustle of human voices in the zoo that generally occurred an hour before opening. A lone woman was too preoccupied in predawn somnolence to notice them hustle under a bench. She was joined after a moment by a co-worker and the two commenced dragging ladders to set against tree trunks in the café's outdoor seating area. They each took an end of a banner and secured it to an upper branch. After they departed for unknown errands, the penguins studied the banner.
"Kowalski, analysis."
"Judging by the banner's cheerful cherry color and lack of nationalistic or religious emblems, I gauge that this signifies a secular celebration. The large numerals in the center give a --- a ---scientific --- "
"What?"
"The numerals are 3.14. Today is Pi Day. It's an international holiday, Skipper." Kowalski stroked his beak. "But why are penguins depicted on the banner? And why is Åland's celebration today when both Sweden and Finland use the day-month configuration for dates and not our month-day one? I'm puzzled."
"Be puzzled as we wait by the service entrance. Step lively, men."
On the sidewalk outside the service entrance was a billboard to seclude themselves under after Rico held aside a large enough corner of chain link fence for Skipper to slip through. They chose a shadowed spot behind one of the billboard's posts and in front of the zoo gate. Time glided to a stop as they prepared for combat in various fashions, nearly all of them related to limbering up. Muscles were gently stretched, martial arts moves rehearsed and when a reasonable amount of time had passed with no truck, Kowalski became concerned. "Skipper, I'll recon from across the street. When I spot it coming, I'll give the signal and slide back pronto."
"Lock and load, soldier." Skipper pointed to the parking lot, where an unusual amount of cars entered for this dark and early hour. "Stay sharp and watch out for humans."
"Aye, sir." Kowalski sped off.
"Skippa, wot's the plan for bringin' you with us when you can't, you know?"
"We cling to the top to avoid exposure while Kowalski calculates mileage and yes, I'll need an extra boost to get topside and help to stay put. I'm sure you all can manage that."
A smidgen of sun peeked over the horizon when Kowalski zinged back. His face took them all aback and Skipper rubbed his belly while looking dyspeptic. "Urk, the smelts want to swim upstream. Out with it, Kowalski."
"Skipper, the celebration is for us. The billboard shows an American flag crisscrossed with a Finnish flag and penguins eating pie with guests while sitting on a large Greek letter pi. The zoo is honoring our stay here by changing their regular Pi Approximation Day of July 22nd to our American Pi Day of March 14th. It's touching, really."
"Cripes with a clutch purse! Pi Day? What sort of mad socialistic holiday is that? I suppose the unions give milk delivery drivers for small zoos the day off, too?"
"Pie! Yum!"
"It looks that way, sir. It's pushing the envelope of lactose refrigeration to intolerant levels and I calculate that the café's organic milk will go off, so to speak, at 1900 hours tonight--- "
"--- which is after closing, and then the hippie solstice worshipping delivery drivers will restock tomorrow morning before guests arrive. Outstanding. I'm happy for whoever celebrates this geekery. Now let's vamoose to our habitat. Another delay. I knew it."
"Pie! Yum!"
"Not pie to eat, Rico, pi the mathematical formula demonstrating the timeless principle --- oh forget it. It's nothing to do with food. This does delay our takedown of Blowhole unless Skipper is feeling up to a six-mile waddle with no sliding or rolling." Another option occurred. "We could take you piggyback by turns when you got weary, but we'd arrive exhausted and not much use to the mission. And our four-hour window would need adjusting and then there's the unusual amount of early guests and zoo employees to spot our absence --- "
Skipper's face fell. "I'm dunsel as much as ever. Damn Sasquatch did a number on me. She's just lucky I'm the forgiving type. Let's skedaddle to our habitat to wait again." The colorful watermelon snow did nothing to brighten their mood as they trooped back to the habitat while evading human observation. Imelda and Marcus had awakened and waved from their den but Kowalski was the only one returning it.
They released some pent up energy by blasting the guests with every routine they had performed in the zoo. Later in the afternoon when squealing kiddies tossed the penguins traditional Finnish tartlets stuffed with delicious blueberries that blended American with Finnish ways, they enjoyed the day more. After all, upside was that Blowhole thought his arch-enemy dead and Sasquatch still on his side. As he delicately nibbled on his tartlet, Private put it best.
"This is so much better than lutfisk, Skippa."
"It is worth the blue tongue, at that."
"I take it back! Pi Day is everything to do with food!"
"Boobries yum!"
IOIOIOIOIO
TBC
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