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Watermelon Snow
By : pronker
Category: +M through R > Penguins of Madagascar
Views: 2672 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0Disclaimer: I make no profit from this fanfiction using the Penguins of Madagascar characters owned by Dreamworks. -
Chapter List
- 1-Watermelon Snow
- 2-2/50
- 3-3/50
- 4-4/50
- 5-5/50
- 6-6/50
- 7-7/50
- 8-8/50
- 9-9/50
- 10-10/50
- 11-11/50
- 12-12/50
- 13-13/50
- 14-14/50
- 15-15/50
- 16-16/50
- 17-17/50
- 18-18/50
- 19-19/50
- 20-20/50
- 21-21/50
- 22-22/50
- 23-23/50
- 24-24/50
- 25-17-18/50 SLASH INTERLUDE BETWEEN CH. 17 AND 18. AU ON 'WATERMELON SNOW'
- 26-24A/50 SLASH VERSION OF CH. 24 FOR KICKS AND GIGGLES *** AU ***
- 27-25/50
- 28-26/50
- 29-27/50
- 30-28/50
- 31-29/50
- 32-30/50
- 33-31/50
- 34-32/50
- 35-33/50
- 36-34/50
- 37-35/50
- 38-36/50
- 39-37/50
- 40-38/50
- 41-39/50
- 42-40/50
- 43-41/50
- 44-42/50
- 45-43/50
- 46-44/50
- 47-45/50
- 48-46/50
- 49-47/50
- 50-48/50
- 51-49/50
- 52-50/51
- 53-51/51
"He can't --- no --- no! Unbelievable!"
"Where'sh my shong?" Sasquatch danced on the balls of her feet while ignoring the lead bull penguin. Maybe if she distracted Blowhole with movement he would think the bird a hallucination of his wasted imagination and focus on her instead.
It was not to be.
"Skipper?" Blowhole repeated.
Sasquatch hugged the TV to blot out Blowhole's view while belting Rachel Stevens' rollicking international hit I Said Never Again But Here We Are that she had overheard in the primate house.
"Shtand aside, Sasquatch. I can't be seeing what I'm sheeing."
Skipper and Blowhole stayed as still as if they were wax dummies in Madame Tussaud's. Sasquatch was spared deciding which way to go with this dilemma when Blowhole threw back his head and screamed, "It's not fair! I get rid of my greatest arch-enemy in this world and he haunts me from the next! How long must this last? How long until he leaves my schemes alone?"
Ahah. Play act like none of this was happening. By the way that Blowhole's iris was a thin disk around his blown open pupil, he was far gone on the weed so this ought to be easy to pull off. "Boss, I don't --- hic --- see anything." She swayed her bottle back and forth like a metronome. "You didn't see anything."
This was getting complicated. Blowhole continued staring at Skipper and the shock must have brought him a measure of sobriety because his speech improved. "I see him and you can't. I'm cursed. I'm haunted." Fear flashed over the dolphin's face as he hyperventilated. "My plans, my beautiful plans wai-i-i-i-i-i-t a minute. I know what happened."
What next? When Skipper remained still, Sasquatch thought hard about how to smooth over the horrible night this was turning into, but she came up empty. She swayed as she schooled her face into a slack-jawed mess.
Blowhole now was ... trembling? "H-He glided down like an angel he's in the Good Place oh crabcakes I'm scared of good." He turned to Sasquatch. "You really don't see him?"
Sasquatch strained every acting muscle she owned as she looked through the immobile Skipper as if he weren't standing right beside her. She shook her head vigorously and put a hand to her temple like the experience of combining beer and henbane was overwhelming. In the back of her mind she was calculating how long she would have to play stupefied to stay realistic. She whimpered as Hugo nudged his way into her thoughts.
::Keep it up, ayam.::
::As if I have a choice!::
Skipper spoke at last. "I'm coming for you, Blowhole."
"Er, wh-what? Isn't that something an evil spirit would say?"
"I'm not evil, I'm Justice. I know everything."
The scopolamine had reduced Blowhole to ditheriness. "Uh uh well yes you would coming from the Other Side and all say listen you're not going to haunt me forever are you --- "
Skipper placed his flippers in familiar akimbo position. He'd never thought of Blowhole as scared of good as he pushed for an advantage. "Do you deserve my company forever? I don't think so."
Sasquatch made believe she was in a stupor and it was not far from the truth. She yearned to be in a peaceful mountain pasture with all her heart. There was simple structured life within her reach if she could just weather this night.
"Wh-what'll it take to get rid of you? I don't know any exorcists --- "
"Answer my questions and I might let you live in peace." Skipper twitched a little as he realized his misstep and Sasquatch saw that Blowhole picked up on it despite his condition.
"Huh? B-But you know everything --- " The ring of iris grew larger as Blowhole's metabolism processed the substances swirling through his body and mind and his psyche skirted sanity once more. Sasquatch decided to throw caution to the winds as she introduced chaos.
It couldn't hurt.
"Boss! B-B-Boss! You've got to stay sane to get me back home! Don't go nuts on me!" She cried bitter tears and smacked the TV. The carrier dot returned and for a moment she thought she'd gone too far. She hit the 52-inch television screen again. Instead of the set flashing and shattering, the resulting flicker dimmed to a smaller dot and then expanded to display Blowhole's mechanical eye pulsing redly. His whole face rezzed after a heartstopping two seconds.
"Keep it together, woman! I'll deal with him!" The atmosphere of the stable passed the boiling point to approach thermodynamic.
Sasquatch upped the ante as much as she could to destabilize the dolphin. "Nobody but me is here, I say! You keep it together!" She hurled the bottle of beer out the south door and jumped up and down in a hissy fit that she had witnessed her third calf throw when she had first attempted to wean him. If restlessness were one of henbane's effects, she'd give them restlessness.
At this point, Skipper had nothing to lose by asking questions. If he had to fail tonight, he'd fail with intel. He hammered hard while the truth serum still held sway. "How'd you get up to evil aquatic overlord again so fast? Is your real name Francis?" A third question, an off-the-wall one before he sneaked in the all-important query about the worms to underplay its magnitude. "Where is Doris?"
Sasquatch began to kick up the dirt in her stable and a rattled Blowhole glanced back and forth between the two animals as he answered the questions in reverse order. "Chill out, ghost. Sis Instagrammed from a meditation retreat in Atlantis. I think she's gone hippie. And yes, it's Francis. Blame my parents. I do."
Skipper was hard put to ignore Sasquatch's fit of temper as she threw a world class tantrum twenty-three inches away. She held her breath so that she'd pass out. He would muddy the waters with some misdirection of his own as he responded to Blowhole how he thought Kowalski would. "At least Doris is under a roof, oh what am I saying. She's all right. She's all right." He sucked in a breath large enough to inflate Faux Skipper in one go. "I'm all right, too." There was a muted whine from behind the manger and the commander didn't need to see him to know that it came from his lieutenant.
Blowhole's voice turned monotone as the truth serum squeezed the most personal data yet from him. "Ye gods and little fishes, I'm never going to fall in love." His pupil remained the size of a Botts' dot so there was time left to play this sitch to a fruitful end. Skipper didn't dare glance at his team and continued to keep Blowhole in his laser-like sights.
Blowhole cocked his head and spilled his guts in a calm fashion. "How did I get overlord funding? Kickstarter. I sell a good product, thanks to Dave's genome sequencing genius. Ye-e-e-e-es, limited edition sea monkeys the size of a breakfast kipper fit right into a 55 gallon home aquarium, humans use 'em for pets or they use 'em for bait, I don't care and neither would Dave. I'd tell you how I do it, but then I'd have to kill you." The pupil flared and then returned to near its normal size so fast Skipper could almost hear it sizzle. "Oh wait."
Skipper had to ace his five on three power play like Lundqvist would while Blowhole was still dazed enough not to question his arch-enemy's lack of translucence. He didn't picture himself as the ethereal sort of spirit who tended only to vague statements and he didn't think that Blowhole would consider him becoming such after death, either, regardless of his current zoned out state. Even the mad dolphin's Flippy persona held some savvy.
"Why make giant ice worms?" Skipper asked softly. The other questions didn't matter because this was the crux of the interrogation. What he assumed was Sasquatch's version of Routine Thirty-Two: Confuse And Distract concluded and she lay in the dirt out of Blowhole's range of view. She sprawled on her side with her eyes closed and he couldn't tell if she were really unconscious or faking.
Skipper hoped Blowhole would end this communication as oblivious to his arch-enemy's continued existence as before. It would stymie the whole physical confrontation plan six miles away if Sasquatch blew it or, he admitted, he himself blew it at this juncture. He was not immune to the histrionics displayed tonight. The old ulcer problem flared up. "Pin---burp---federers," he muttered out the side of his beak.
Blowhole crept closer on the screen as he swayed on his segway. He must have linked his iPhone with a tabletop monitor for stability and by the way that no alarmed chatter played in the background, his six minions were absent. Well, that made sense because anything a boss did not wish was to appear weak to subordinates. A leader must always be physically superior to his team. "Who wants to know?"
Uh oh, belligerence was never far beneath the surface with Blowhole even as he was at the moment. "Your judge and jury and if you don't tell me right now, your executioner," Skipper said with a calm he did not feel. No harm, no foul if he threatened what he would never deliver even as a phantasm.
Skipper saw something give way inside Blowhole. "I want to swim through Iowa," the dolphin said.
He must have heard wrong. "Some static here on the Endless Iceberg, say again?"
Now there was no stopping him. "I made my worms from blending a few species that pool their qualities to melt icebergs and and glaciers and and the polar ice which will raise global water levels did you know oh of course you do that over the past one hundred years average Arctic temperatures have increased at almost twice the global average rate so I'm, um, helping Mother Nature along this time." He paused to gasp for breath fifteen seconds before continuing. "I've decided to go green with my schemes, you see. No more mecha Chrome Claws, no moving the moon, just thinking globally, acting locally, yessiree."
He became more animated and the commander feared that the triple dose of henbane might lose effectiveness. If the scopolamine's influence ended as he had observed in other sorry addicts during their interrogations, the dolphin would pass out after a burst of final truths. Blowhole was likely nearing the rush stage because of his talkativeness. He had to push now.
Skipper wanted to pull out all the stops to gather intel, but he could only manage one incredulous word. "Iowa?"
"Yes, and Kansas, too."
Inside, Skipper screamed, "Aaaaaaagh! Melting the polar caps for weirdo reasons every damn time? You're in a rut!" although he listened impassively on the outside. It was costing him and a gassy burn started in his esophagus but he tamped it down.
Oh yes, Blowhole was flying high now and headed for a crash and burn in a short time. "It's classic. The sooner I can swim like a real dolphin over my domain, the sooner I can tour Iowa without this ridiculous thing." He slapped the segway's console and a scary blob shaped like a giant cardinal emerged as would an airbag in a car.
"BASS FISHING TOURNAMENT!" the University of Iowa mascot bellowed.
Blowhole tamped it back into the control housing with an impatient hiss. "And Kansas!" he rhapsodized. "Kansas ought to be deep in the briny when I get through! It's already flat. I can't wait to swim over Kansas and Iowa. They must be the garden states of the Ewe Ess of Ay."
It had to be said. "We'll --- my team will stop you, Blowhole."
"Forgive me if I discount what you spout off, ghost." The pupil flared into a black hole as deep as the evil in the dolphin's soul. There was no more fear on Blowhole's face. "You've got as much agency as that pathetic thing in the stable with you. I only need her to stay away from Copenhagen's Natural History Museum Centre for GeoGenetics. She'd never lie or go against me because she's afraid of me. It's entirely possible that she will meet with an accident on the way back to Nepal. I haven't really decided yet." His head nodded as he fought the zigzagging physical effects of the scopolamine slithering through his system. "W-wait you could help me all this means nothing to you isn't that so ghosty now that you're dead would you tell me when the artic will arrive just a lil hinty pleeeease --- "
"Why. This. Much. Trouble. To. Swim. Over. The. Midwest."
It was the beginning of the end for this session. "Because I wannnnt to and I caaaaaannnn. 'S reason enough. Hooo mama the rush the rush I can't take much more I'll never use againnnnn why dint she kill you for good --- "
Best keep up pretenses. "She did. It was what you paid her for or will pay her for."
Blowhole's pointy face drooped towards the screen until his nose tapped it. "Promished her double if she'd bring your carcase to me she failed oh I wonder whatever happened to Dave --- " He dropped out of sight as the segway lost its driver. There were sounds of flopping and one groan and then silence.
Skipper counted eight hundred heartbeats before moving. This delay proved most interesting. As the others gathered around him, he motioned to Kowalski who had for once not helicoptered around him to ask him if he got hurt in the fall from the manger. "Check her."
Kowalski bent over Sasquatch to take a pulse and peel back one eyelid while Hugo held her hand. "She's only fainted."
"Let's move out. Hugo, any thoughts before we go?"
"Boredom is sounding better all the time."
IOIOIOIOIO
TBC
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