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War Of Shadows	By : TurtleNinja Category: +S through Z > Samurai Jack Views: 3353 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Samurai Jack, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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It had been several days since we had returned to Extor's compound, Chimitsu-chan had not once emerged from her room. Maeven had appeared a few times, bringing her Lady food and drink, but she, too, remained hidden. If not in Chimitsu's room, then she was somewhere on her own. I had thought about visiting Chimitsu-chan, but thought better of it, knowing that she needed time to herself to mourn.

We had dug graves for the few bodies that still existed after the fires, and buried them in a nearby meadow. Out of the village of roughly three hundred, not even fifty bodies were returned to the earth. No words were spoken, except in a quiet eulogy given by Chimitsu in a language that was not quite Celtic, and not quite Germanic or French, but somewhere inbetween them all. It was a language that was hauntingly beautiful, even though I failed to understand it.

Those people had been her life, her responsibility, her charge. I knew it must be difficult to think that the one time she had been drawn away from them, they had perished. Granted, I doubted that they had died thinking she had forsaken them, but that mattered very little. The fact was, they had died. And she had been just as helpless, powerless, and responsible as I was for the lives that had perished throught the world

I spent a very long time staring at my katana throughout those few days. I spent an equal amount of time staring out the window at the world that seemed to have gone quiet, if only for a moment. It was only a false appearance, and I knew that. Somewhere in the world, more people were dying. Because of me. But I was too drained to fight the inevitable. In fact, I was too drained to move.

I spoke to no one throughout that week. On the rare occasion I did pass by Chimitsu's room, the only thing I could hear from within were quiet, soft sobs. I was comforted, at least, in knowing she still had the will to cry; I, myself, could feel nothing. My spirit broken, I wandered the halls, and returned to my room to stare awhile longer at my sword.

My twin would know, of course, if I perished. Perhaps it would be enough, and the destruction would stop. But if it were not... I dreaded to think what Aku would do with no one to stand and oppose him. At least, no one except Chimitsu.

But now her quiet crying, too, had stopped.

Maeven protected the door, stopping those who wished to check in on her. I did not try. I left my room only to get food- which I could never manage to eat- and then returned to my room to stare and to meditate. Not once did I feel anything from Mad Jack. Not once did the occupants of the castle bring news of the Dark Elementals. A part of me was relieved. A part of me wanted them to push me just one more time, to give me an excuse.

I stared again at my blade.

I wondered again, as I had several times, why I had simply not acted, why I needed an excuse. The answer came in that truly, it was an excuse. I could not in good conscience, leave Chimitsu to deal with these horrors alone. And there was no guarantee that they would stop if I were gone. She would perish in her attempts, and I knew that. I could not sentence her to that unless I truly could go on no further.

My eyes fell to the floor as I dropped my head in my hands. My hair fell around me, shielding my face, and I did nothing to push it back. I did not have the will to put it up as it belonged, and I did not have the intention of leaving this room anytime soon. My appearance as a whole meant very little to me at this moment.

My mind wandered, and I sighed heavily, eyes sliding closed. Aku had declared war in no uncertain terms. And yet, I could not bring myself to rally forces against him. Nor could I bring myself to even think of what finding his fortress might entail. Even a week of silence and stillness had done nothing to heal these wounds inside of me. They still felt as if they were gaping, bleeding. Yet I knew I was the only one who would be able to lead such a revolt against Aku and his forces, and that responsibility rested heavily on my shoulders in spite of my pain.

Slowly, the door to my room creaked open, yet I did not look up. I was too deep in scattered thoughts to look up if I had wanted to. On occasion, Rothie or one of the others had been in to check in on me, but if I did not look up, they let me be. I assumed it would be that way again. This time, however, the shaft of light from the hallway remained. In the light at my feet, I saw a shadow, and the owner did not move or close the door.

I sighed again, quietly, and my eyes slid closed.

"Please leave me be," I murmured.

The request went unabidden. A few moments later, the door closed, but the intruder had not left. I sighed at the silence that followed, but did not look up. Eye contact would only encourage them to stay, and I truly did want to be left alone. Instead, I ignored the intrusion, breathing slowly as I opened my eyes to stare at the floor beneath my feet.

The bed shifted beside me and I tensed, looking up in surprise. I blinked as I saw that the intruder was Chimitsu, and I was instantly glad she had not heeded my request to leave.

"Chimitsu-chan..." I was not sure what to say other than her name.

Her pale cheeks were no longer red and streaked from crying and her emerald eyes were no longer bloodshot. She did not smile, but she did not look as sad and sorrowful as she had. Still, she seemed older somehow, tired.

A faint smile crossed her lips as she reached over, brushing a few strands of hair from my face with her delicate fingers.

"Hello, Minamoto-chan." she whispered back.

"How are you feeling?"

It seemed like a foolish thing to ask, but I did not know what else to say. Her fingertips lightly brushed the side of my face as she tucked my hair behind my ear.

"A little better, but not quite well."

I nodded a little and looked away as her hands returned to her lap. A wave of guilt and shame washed over me, to see and feel her so close and reconsider the things I had been so recently thinking. No, I could not leave her alone here. Such an act would be cowardice, and I knew it.

"It is good to see you out of your room," I murmured softly. "It has been rather lonely out here without you."

As soon as the words had left my mouth, I regretted them. She had been in deep mourning, and the first statement of purpose that escaped my mouth was one of selfishness. I sighed as I looked away, knowing that I could not take it back.

"Actually, Minamoto-chan..." she hesitated. "...that's why I came out to see you."

I glanced back at her, mildly confused.

"What do you mean?"

Another slight, sad smile crossed her face

"I missed you," she admitted. "It took me awhile to realize how lonely it was in that room, and how dangerous it is to mourn in solitude."

I stared at her for a long moment, then looked away again. For a long moment, neither of us spoke. Then I felt her fingers in my hair again, brushing it back from where it had fallen.

"I've never seen you with your hair down," she murmured.

"I am sorry," I apologized. "I was not expecting you."

"It's all right. I don't mind it." Another long silence, and she sighed. "Jack...are you okay?"

I nodded.

"I am fine."

She hesitated for a moment.

"Are you lying to me?"

Yes. I was. But I would not speak it. Instead, I stared down at the floor in silence. Her fingers trailed to my shoulder, and down my arm lightly before resting in her lap.

"I'm glad to see that you're all right," she whispered.

"You have more important things to worry about than me," I answered her.

"No," she protested quietly.

"I am sorry I did not seek you out earlier," I stated, desperate for a change of subject. I certainly did not want to talk about myself. "I saw you turning away the others and thought that you would turn me away, too. Otherwise, I would have come to make sure you were well, all things considered."

She reached over, gently taking my hand in hers.

"Perhaps I would have," she admitted. "But I don't think so." She sighed deeply. "I didn't want to explain to the others, but I can't imagine that there would be anyone on the planet more acquainted with how I was feeling than you."

I did not answer, and she sighed, still holding my hand lightly in hers. After a moment, she pulled her hand away.

"In all honesty," she whispered. "I assumed you were angry with me for my treatment of you and didn't want to see me."

I shook my head.

"No."

It seemed that I should offer her more of a response, but I did not entirely know what to say. My thoughts were scattered and sad, even in her presence, and the anger and jealousy she had shown were the last of those things on my mind.

There was a moment of silence before she moved up behind me on her knees on the bed, wrapping her arms and wings around me. My eyes slid closed at the sudden, unexpected warmth of her embrace and a slight shudder ran through me. I had not felt so protected since I was a young child, still small enough to be held in my mother's arms. For all the years since then, the warmth and comfort of a woman had been forgotten. She rested her chin on the top of my head, holding me tight. Eyes shut, I allowed her to wrap herself around me, and remained still in her embrace.

"I want to apologize..." she whispered. "For being so foolish and jealous." she said softly.

"There is no need for it, Chimitsu-chan," I sighed. "It was not your fault. We both know how clever Mad Jack can be."

"Yes, but there's no excuse for falling for the same trick twice."

"Twice?"

I was confused. I knew of the incident with the Dark Elemental, but I did not know that there had been another time.

"Before you came to get me that first time in Aku's dungeons," she breathed. "After leaving the Highlands?" She nuzzled against me a bit, her cheek against the top of my head. "He dressed himself as you, pretended to be you, just to trick and torment me."

I considered that for a moment, then reached up to run my hands along her forearms.

"I do not think it was your fault," I assured her. "And even if it were, I would forgive you just the same."

She sighed softly, rocking slightly back and forth with me in her arms.

"I didn't want to think that it was you," she whispered. "It hurt to think that you would...under any circumstances...that you would have some random woman up against the wall."

I sighed, shaking my head.

"Chimitsu-chan, I would never, ever, do such a dishonorable thing."

"I know," she answered, hugging me tighter. "But at the time..." She sighed. "I suppose I was already confused. And seeing it right before my eyes, I didn't even think."

"Confused?" I asked quietly.

She was silent for a long moment, then she kissed the top of my head.

"For a very long time, Minamoto-chan, I've waited. And..." She hesitated again. "...considered. And in a way...been afraid of what I found myself feeling for you."

I could sense her uneasiness, and ran my hands lightly up and down her forearms, as comfortingly as I could manage without pulling away from her warmth.

"And when you kissed me..."

She was quiet for another long moment, then sighed deeply.

"It hurt so badly to think that it was only a result of the spell. And so I thought that surely you would not have done it if only for the spell, and not for what you felt already. But when I saw you- when I thought I saw you- with another woman...and I realized how powerful the spell was and that it had meant absolutely nothing to you..."

"But it was not me," I corrected quietly.

She was quiet for a moment, and I heard her sniffle.

"No," she finally managed in a choked whisper. "It was not you."

I considered that for a few minutes, rocking with her gently as I felt her start to relax again. I was not sure how much I wanted to say, if in fact I wanted to say anything. But at the same time, I knew that I would be foolish to let this moment pass. How badly had it hurt me to realize that I had not told her that I loved her the last time I had the opportunity? To hear her words now, a blatant invitation to speak what I had been hiding for so long, it burned somewhere deep inside of me.

My silence thus far had been inexcusable. And when I had thought I had lost her, it had been even moreso. I cursed my blindness, my inability to see all of the times I should have spoken to her, should have told her the truth. But we had both been silent, both too damned afraid to speak. And in the end, it had hurt us both more than I could bear to think.

"It was not only a result of the spell," I finally whispered. "Your assumption was correct in that it did not force me to do anything that I would not have otherwise done in a more...appropriate atmosphere. And as that was the case, I would never have been with any woman besides you. Especially not in an alley somewhere."

She sighed.

"I wish I had not been so blind."

"It is all right," I assured her quietly. "The truth has been revealed and no permanent damage has been done."

She sighed again and slowly released me, her hands sliding up my chest, over my shoulders and down to my shoulderblades, massaging firmly. I slowly allowed my eyes to slip closed and relaxed into it, finding her touch to be incredibly soothing. Only then did I realize just how tense I had been these past few days.

"Have there been any more reports on the Dark Elementals?" she asked.

I felt a chill run through my soul at the very mention of them.

"No," I answered quietly. "The wars and destruction still persist- people are still dying every day by the thousands, and because of me- but there have been no further calling cards for the two of us."

She went silent for a long moment, rubbing at my shoulders.

"How many have we gathered for the rebellion?" she finally asked.

"I do not know," I replied. "I have not left this room except when absolutely necessary. I know Rothie and the Woolies have been doing their best to seek out other groups of resistance and bring them here, but I do not know how many."

"And the tribe?"

I recounted the facts with a growing sense of detachment.

"We only lost three to Ekirei's diseases," I stated. "Extor was able to save the rest of them and has immunized everyone, including myself, against everything of the sort known to man."

She chuckled quietly.

"You actually let him stick you with the needle?"

"I did not exactly have a choice," I said emotionlessly. "I had been around the tribe, around Ekirei, and am only immune to her blue orbs. I am sure the medicine you gave me in the jungle did not make me immune, though it did protect me until we returned."

"I see," she replied. "We'll have to go see about business soon, before more lives are lost or destroyed by the Dark Elementals."

"At this point, Chimitsu-chan, I am not sure that I care."

The words escaped my mouth before I could stop them, or even realize what I was saying, and my own eyes grew wide as I felt her hands come to a dead stop on my shoulders.

"What?" she whispered, shocked.

I bowed my head low, leaning forward and pulling away from her.

"I am sorry," I apologized. "I did not mean to say that."

I could feel her staring at me. I could feel the shock radiating from her even though I had recovered from it myself. Strangely enough, I was not surprised that I felt that way, only that I had given voice to it. Such things were never meant to be spoken.

For a long moment, it was silent. I felt her back away, but she continued to watch me.

"How could you say a thing like that?"

Her voice was not accusative. Instead, it held a definite air of sadness and hurt. I glanced at her, and saw those same emotions written on her face.

"I did not mean it," I lied.

It was true that I did not want to mean it, that everything inside of me screamed protests at the dishonor that came with such a statement. But I realized too, that it had come from somewhere deep inside of me, and passed through my lips in a time that I had not been able to stop it.

"Jack..."

Her eyes reflected deep sadness, tears glistening, and for a moment I wondered if she felt the same thing deep inside of her. She clenched her jaw and looked away, her fists balling at her sides.

"How dare you."

But although I heard the anger, it was surely not the venom that would come of true and deep anger.

"I said I was sorry," I murmured, looking back towards the floor. "And I meant it."

"How dare you even think such a thing!" I glanced back up at her as she slid off the side of the bed and stood. I expected her to leave, but she did not. "Jack, we need you! they need you!"

"No!" Once again, I was speaking without first filtering my words through rationality. "They never needed me, Chimitsu! All I have done since I came here to this time was to make Aku's anger boil hotter, until it spills over and consumes any and every person I have ever cared about!"

"That's not true..." Her voice was weak, lower lip quivering, and I realized that she knew how full well it was true.

"He has murdered my friends, slaughtered innocent men, women, and children and for what?!"

I realized that I was yelling at her, and I tried to stop it. She was not the target of my anger; I was. Moreover, I knew she was already hurting, and I was only making things worse. But I could not silence myself. Emotions that had been so cold and dead inside of me were suddenly breaking the surface, and I could not control them.

"I have lived my life for them, Chimitsu! For them and every other innocent life Aku has stolen away. And as I stand on their graves and commend their heroism, I realize that they would still be living if it were not for his wrath toward me!"

"No!"

"Yes, Chimitsu! Yes!"

She shook her head and looked away, tears streaming from her eyes again.

"Damn it, do you not understand?!"

Something inside of me broke. It came toppling down in one fell swoop and tears burned at my eyes as I struggled for a moment to breathe.

"I am nothing," I choked, my voice as weak and crushed as what was inside of me now. I fell, dropping to my knees and wishing I could sink down further, that I could even cease to be. "I am nothing but a false sense of hope for them. And one that will render them all dead."

The tears overflowed, and I felt them stream down my face as I cried for the first time. All of the pain that I had not yet felt through the cold numbness came crashing down on me all at once, and I was crushed under its weight. I did not even try to hold it up. I did not have the strength.

"It would have been better for them," I choked. "If I had never been born."

I did not feel Chimitsu approach, but I knew that she was kneeling beside me even before I felt her fingers under my chin. I did not resist her, and found myself staring into her tear-filled eyes. But through her tears, I could see fire and determination. She did not feel this weight that rested on me. She could not feel it. She could never know what it was like.

The city she had protected had died in her name. But she could not have helped that. I could have. I could have stopped this long ago. I had not, going on instead in the hopes that I would somehow, someday, do the impossible. That I would make a difference in a world that was so much larger than myself. I had been so foolish, and so selfish, and so many people had died in my stead.

I felt her lips pressed against mine, hard, and her fingers slid back into my hair, holding me to her. For a long moment, she held me like that, held me still, forced me to calm. But the thoughts did not stop. The pain did not cease. The moment she pulled away, it all came rushing back to me.

"I hate this place," I choked, unable to filter my words once again. In this time, I was so grateful that she was the only one present. I would not have been able to control this even in the presence of others, whom I was sure would be far less understanding. "I hate what I have made of it."

"You have done...what you were created to do," she whispered. "And Aku has done what he was created to do. You cannot change that."

"Yes," I stated. "I can."

"Jack..."

I clenched my teeth hard as I pulled away from her, standing up.

"It is because of me that they are dead, Chimitsu. Do you not understand that?"

"If not for you, it would have been someone else," she replied.

"Well, let it be someone else now," I stated, walking to the window and looking out. "I think I have done more than enough damage for one lifetime."

I realized that my hand was resting on the hilt of my katana, but I knew, too, that I would do nothing in her presence. My resolve was not made in anger or desperation. It was a simple knowledge of what needed to be done. Let another rise up in my place. At least there would be a few years of peace before then.

I could feel her behind me, standing still and determined. I could tell that much without even looking at her.

"I wish you could hear how foolish you sound, Jack."

My eyes narrowed, my grip tightening.

"Is it more foolish to realize your own unimportance than it is to condemn multitudes to death?"

"You've not condemned them," she answered firmly.

"Then why are they all dead?" I replied coldly.

"What stand they've chosen to make has been their own."

"Even your village, Chimitsu?" I snapped.

Damn it! Why could I not control my words?!

She was silent for a long moment. When she spoke again, her voice was low and cold.

"What do you want me to say, Jack?" she asked. "Do you want me to condemn you, as you've condemned yourself? Because I won't. And you are being extremely foolish and cowardly to even consider running away from this!"

I spun, my weapon drawn instantly and held horizontally in front of me, blade pointed inward. Her words had slapped me hard, and she was pushing me to the limit.

"So be it, then," I growled back at her.

She did not move to stop me. Nor did she show any hint of alarm. She watched my eyes calmly, arms loosely at her sides as she studied me, and finally spoke, her voice equally as calm.

"Don't."
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War Of Shadows