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Foiled! Curses again?	By : I_write_badfic_not_tragedies Category: +S through Z > TaleSpin Views: 2508 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Talespin or any other Disney fandom. I make no money off of this fic. Please don't sue me.

Chapter List
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Additional chapter warning: In heat/mating kink
When Karnage awoke the following day, they immediately noticed that it was the middle of the day, and that the base was eerily quiet. Not only had no one come to wake them up. They must be out on their stupid steal-a-thon. They had finally agreed to let it run sun up to sun down.
Karnage decided to tune into the radio frequency and see what they were saying to each other. The first transmission they managed to find came not from one of their own, but someone talking about them.
“I said, what the hell is up with the air pirates today? They’ve been going after everyone, and they seem completely uncoordinated. Like three of them tried to stop me at once and I snuck away while they were fighting over who got to raid me.”
“Did something happen to Karnage? He wasn’t with them and it’s like they’re chickens running around without a leader to head them.”
“Now that you mention it, I didn’t see him either. Oh, God, I hope not. They were bad enough with him, they’re worse without him!”
It was taking all Karnage’s admittedly limited self-control not to get involved in the conversation. “Ay, Dios mio,” Karnage sighed, rubbing the bridge of their muzzle with their hand. They were going to get another headache. They just knew it. They at least hoped this ridiculous contest would be over before they make the great name of air pirates into a joke.
They decided another bath was in order while the base was abandoned. They decided to stay next to the radio, listening to the chatter, while attempting to comb the tangles out of their suddenly excessively long head fur. It had grown all the way down to their waist. They had attempted to slice it off again using a dagger, but it had grown back out again impossibly fast. They hoped it wouldn’t get any longer.
Their mind had started to wander to the question the other pirates were apparently asking themselves. Of course, every pirate would want their chance as Don Karnage. Don Karnage was just that amazing. But, which one WOULD they choose, if they Had to chose one? Gibber was not only too small, but too old and a little too… well, best way to put it would be too weird. Sadie was just NO. Hacksaw was too whiny. Will always missed, and that sounded like a mess to clean up. That only left three viable choices:   Rachet, Dumptruck, and Mad Dog.
Mad Dog and Rachet clearly had the advantage of being the smartest. Rachet also had the advantage of being another wolf, which likely meant a better understanding of wolf culture when it came to delicate matters than dogs would have. Of course, Rachet was always covered in machine oil and always slightly smelled like engine exhaust. On the other hand, Dumptruck was THICC all over, which meant…
They shook their head. This was all the damned emerald’s fault. Several more intense rounds of emerald wrestling ensued, which resulted in a final tally of emerald 3, Karnage 0. It was NOT going anywhere.

-

Meanwhile, two others were having a conversation about the emerald. “Let me repeat this to make sure I am getting the story straight,” Khan said. He was looking out the massive window of his office, hands behind his back. The voodoo queen Mary Loveyou was sitting in his office, drinking tea. “The necklace that the air pirates stole from my dig site attaches itself to whoever wears it. What the demon sealed inside the necklace wants is…”
“A body,” the queen cut in. “If the elder God gets out and takes over Karnage’s body, we’ll have a much bigger mess on our hands than… well, than I’m sure you want, Elder Priest of the Jungle. For now, I doubt they will do anything stupid. The foolish pirate thinks I am going to help them and will listen to whatever I tell them. What we need to do is get our hands on the power of that emerald for ourselves.”
“Tell me, will taking the power of the emerald for ourselves hurt the pirate?”
“Kill them, more likely,” the queen said seriously.
“Delightful,” Khan smiled. Karnage was a thorn in his side, although a thorn that could be convenient enough when he needed it to be. However, it seemed time to pull that thorn right out.
            -

When the pirates returned to base for the final time as the sun set, Karnage was waiting for them, sitting straddled backwards on a chair, their arms folded on the headrest and their jaw resting on their hands. Rachet directed each of the pirates to place what they had brought into areas marked off with white tape. “Shall we begin the judging?” Jock asked.
“The sun isn’t completely down yet. You said we had until the end of sunset to complete the challenge,” Rachet spoke up. He didn’t seem to have any treasure himself, but the pirates didn’t think that was unusual. They just figured Rachet hadn’t participated. They were used to Rachet being left behind with his tinkering while they went out to plunder and pilfer. “And you see… I believe in working smarter, not harder,” he said as he pulled out a wired box with a big red button on it. With one push, the platforms that the other treasures were gathered on suddenly sprung up, as he had mounted springs on them and calibrated the springs to launch what everyone else had gathered… directly into his designated spot. That that same moment, the sun finally completely disappeared beyond the horizon.
The other pirates were seeing red and immediately ganged up around Rachet. Dumptruck grabbed him by the overalls. “What was THAT?” he demanded angrily.
“No one said I couldn’t steal from other pirates,” Rachet pointed out.
“That’s cheating!”
“We’re pirates, cheating is what we DO!”

The sound of laughter broke through the fight. The loudest, most delighted laughter they had heard in years was coming out of their boss. Karnage was laughing so hard they were sobbing. “You stole… you stole from… hahahahaha!” they laugh-sobbed. “I cannot breathe! I cannot breathe!” After a few gasps to catch some air, they applauded. “Bravo, bravo! A genius level performance worthy of entertaining me! I am impressed!”
“Does- does this mean I won?” Rachet asked.
Karnage immediately stopped laughing, face going completely blank.   They HAD said the winner would impress them, had they not? “I… suppose that it does. Congratulations, a winner is you.” They wondered if it was too late to go back on their word.
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Foiled! Curses again?