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Animated Joe Schmo	By : Waitohooru Category: +S through Z > South Park > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 2639 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoon(s) that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 3
- 4
- 5
WARNING! The following story has strong language and adult themes, and due to its content should not be read by anyone. Which means you'll probably read it anyway. Then again, reading IS fundamental...

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EPISODE 3 RECAP
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WAITOHOORU(VO): Previously, on Animated Joe Schmo...
STAN[under his breath]: Oh my god...
WAITOHOORU(VO): When Wooldoor was caught swimming, Stan became a bit suspicious...
STAN(CC): When I went outside to pick up my sunglasses, I could have sworn I saw Wooldoor swimming in the pool. This can't be the same Wooldoor who told me at the dinner table that he couldn't swim.
WOOLDOOR(CC): I told Stan I couldn't swim, and he caught me in the swimming pool... swimming. I am so busted... the Animation Alliance is going to tar and feather me!
WAITOHOORU(VO): Wooldoor feared that Stan would be on to him, but, amazingly enough, Stan apologized, and formed an alliance with him.
STAN: I just want to tell you... that... I'm... ...sorry.
WOOLDOOR: Huh?
STAN: I'm sorry I overreacted yesterday, and blew up at you while you were watching the DVD with me.
WAITOHOORU: Wow, you look pretty dolled up, to coin a phrase.
STAN: Yeah, you COULD say that!
WAITOHOORU: And it just so happens that one of the members of your team is a huge fan of yours, Raggedy Andy!
WAITOHOORU(VO): The reward challenge, in which the contestants had to answer questions about members of the other team, was rigged for Stan's team to lose, and the losers had to wear penalty outfits...
WAITOHOORU: And Captain Hero, why don't you hug Raggedy Andy in your arms and gently rock him to sleep?
CAPTAIN HERO: Why, I'd be delighted!
[Captain Hero picks Stan up with both arms, and hugs him very tight.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...and not only that, they had to clean the Drawn Together house in their penalty outfits!
CAPTAIN HERO: This isn't what men like me are supposed to be doing!
STAN: Yeah, I wouldn't be caught dead cleaning the house in this outfit unless I was mentally insane or something.
WAITOHOORU(VO): And while Stan was cleaning the house...
[Spanky is now putting some film into a camera he took out of camera space (don't ask). He pulls down his dress, exposing his pink hairy ass. He then points the camera at his ass, and takes some "moon shots". He puts them in the photo album where Xandir's photos used to be.]
SPANKY(CC): I don't want him to find out I'm doing this until Xandir shows everyone my masterpiece... or rather, my ASS-terpiece!
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...Spanky was cleaning Xandir's photo album, replacing all the photos inside with photos he took of his ass.
XANDIR: ...What is this?
SPANKY: Why, it's a photo album. Duh.
XANDIR: Where are my photos, Spanky?
[Xandir pulls out his sword, and points the sharp end of the sword at Spanky.]
XANDIR: Where are they?!
SPANKY: You wanted your photos back, Xandir, so...
[Spanky points to the toilet bowl.]
SPANKY: ...go get 'em!
WAITOHOORU(VO): The conflict between Xandir and Spanky really got to everyone, and the Drawn Together house was really stressed out...
SPANKY: I wasn't done talking to you!
[Spanky heads toward the Red Room, waving his fist at Xandir.]
FOXXY: Ooh, Spanky in trouble!
STAN(CC): I'm sick and tired of his crap. I'm sure Xandir feels the same way...
WAITOHOORU(VO): Clara's song, however, relieved Stan's stress a bit...
CLARA[singing]: Oh yes, he'll flee like the pathetic, insecure, cowardly loser he be!
STAN: You know, you should put that song on a CD! I'd bring it to school with me, and let all my friends at school listen to it!
CLARA: Oh, all right, I can allow that. I'm okay with that.
WAITOHOORU(VO): And Foxxy made everyone play a game called "Kiss The Ugly Frog" in the hot tub...
CLARA[to Stan]: Stan... you said you wanted to switch places with me. Well, I would be willing to switch places with you in a heartbeat, since I really want to explore the world outside the castle! I've heard you went on a lot of adventures, so much more than what I went on! Your stories fascinate me!
STAN(CC): The game is called "Kiss The Ugly Frog", and in this game, we would have to say something nice about whoever was sitting in the center of the hot tub at that time.
STAN: Really... you mean all of that?
CLARA: Of course, we do, sweetie!
[Clara, Foxxy and Toot approach Stan, and gently massage him.]
TOOT: Yeah, he's the sweetest boy we ever met!
FOXXY: He da MAN!
STAN: Aw... you didn't really need to say that!
CLARA: Ah, but we DO!
*
*
*
* * *
[Shot of Stan Marsh.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): This is Stan Marsh, an 8-year-old boy from the hit television series "South Park".
[Shot of the front of the Drawn Together House. The Drawn Together logo is superimposed over it.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): For the next 8 days, he will, without knowing it, be the star of a reality show that he doesn't know is FAKE!
[Shot of the Drawn Together logo shattering into pieces.]
[Montage of the eight Drawn Together housemates.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): He thinks his housemates are characters from actual cartoon shows of the past and present, but what he doesn't know is that all of them were specifically created for a cartoon series called "Drawn Together", which he doesn't know actually exists. His housemates are...
[Shot of Princess Clara singing her heart out outside the swimming pool.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Princess Clara as "The Virgin"...
[Shot of Wooldoor Sockbat, being hyperactive as usual.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Wooldoor Sockbat as "The Freak"...
[Shot of Foxxy Love shakin' her booty while listening to the stereo.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Foxxy Love as "The Sistah"...
[Shot of Toot Braunstein doing her daily routine of cleaning out the fridge.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Toot Braunstein as "The Bitch"...
[Shot of Ling-Ling charging up energy for an upcoming battle.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Ling-Ling as "The Schemer"...
[Shot of Xandir practicing swinging his sword around.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Xandir as "The Gotta-Be-Gay Guy"...
[Shot of Spanky Ham peeing on a couch cushion.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Spanky Ham as "The Asshole"...
[Shot of Captain Hero lifting some weights.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Captain Hero as "The Jock"...
[Shot of Waitohooru, the host, in front of the Drawn Together House.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): And me, Waitohooru, as "The Smarmy Host".
[Montage of various scenes from the series.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): How long will Stan last in the Drawn Together House without discovering the truth?
[Shot of Stan in the Drawn Together House, talking to someone.]
STAN: Dude, this is really f***ed up right here.
WAITOHOORU(VO): Find out, on the Animated Joe Schmo Show!
* * *
WHO'S STILL IN THE HOUSE:
STAN MARSH (A-duuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh!)
PRINCESS CLARA
WOOLDOOR SOCKBAT
FOXXY LOVE
TOOT BRAUNSTEIN
XANDIR
SPANKY HAM
CAPTAIN HERO
* * *
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EPISODE 4: JUDGES OF CHARACTER
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* * *
*****
DAY 4
*****
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CAST MEETING
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["Shot of the seven remaining Drawn Together cast members in the trailer, receiving instructions from the Animation Alliance." ---Cast meeting description, Animated Joe Schmo Episode 3.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): It's Day 4. The show is almost halfway done, and every day becomes tougher, harder, and more controversial. To make sure it stays that way, it's time to tutor the Drawn Together cast once again.
ARTIE: Ah, great plan yesterday, making him fall right into the "Kiss The Ugly Frog" trap! Perfect way to get him to like all of you, before he starts hating all of you later!
FOXXY: What you mean?
CLARA: Hate? You want him to turn into a bigot... like one of the Germans?
FOXXY[to Clara]: You one ta talk 'bout bigots, girlfriend!
ARTIE: Wait, did I say he was going to hate you? Silly me! I was being sarcastic! But the love-triangle scenario Waitohooru wrote for you will definitely make him jealous!
TOOT: Goody! If there's one thing I love, it's drama! Not that *I* would be the one causing it, but...
TOM: Yeah, I know, not that you would be the one causing it. We know, Toot!
BARB: Also, how are you seven going to act in front of our three special guests?
CAPTAIN HERO: We're going to act like the script tells us to!
WOOLDOOR: Yay!
CLARA: Because Waitohooru put so much effort into writing this script... we must do him a favor by honoring his wish!
WOOLDOOR: Yaaay!
CAPTAIN HERO: And then, we're going to have sex with all three of them!
[Silence.]
WOOLDOOR: Yaaaay!
JANE[to Wooldoor]: Shut up!
WOOLDOOR[disappointed]: Awwww...
JANE: For the last time, we are not having sex with any of the cameo guest stars, okay?
CAPTAIN HERO[rubbing his head]: Sorry... heh heh! My bad!
DAVE: Also, did you remember who you're trying to convince Stan to vote against in tonight's eviction ceremony?
SPANKY: You bet! There'll be so many choices going through his head... yeah, it'll kick ass to watch that!
MANNY: That's good! Remember, there are no second chances! You're closer to the halfway point... let's see all of you cross it!
XANDIR: We'll do just that!
MANNY: That's all we ask.
XANDIR: Okay!
CAPTAIN HERO: Game on, you guys! Game on!
[The seven Drawn Together cast members high-five each other.]
* * *
[Fast-forward to a shot of Stan, and the seven other "houseguests", in the dining room, eating breakfast at the table. Or talking, when they're not eating breakfast. Okay, so a lot of the houseguests are talking. But then, that's what they're told to do in the script, so that's what they're doing.]
STAN(CC): So, it's Day 4, and all eight of us are STILL in the Drawn Together house... I honestly didn't think I'd make it that far after living with these nutjobs.
STAN: Let me get this straight... Drawn Together is supposed to last eight days, right?
XANDIR: Well, to tell you the truth, I really wish it would last longer, because I love this place! But, if that's how long they want it to be, then I don't blame them.
STAN: And there are supposed to be six eviction ceremonies, right? I've only been to, like, just one ceremony for these past three days!
CLARA: Well, maybe they're going to hold one ceremony for each of the five remaining days!
SPANKY: The princess knows her math skills! Give her a hand, everyone!
[Several people at the table applaud Clara for her "math skills".]
[At this point, Waitohooru, the host, enters the dining room.]
WAITOHOORU: Hi, everyone!
CAPTAIN HERO: Hi, Waitohooru! How are you today?
WAITOHOORU: I'm fine, how are you?
SPANKY: Oh, I'm just Spanky!
FOXXY: I be feelin' a bit Foxxy!
WOOLDOOR: Uh... I'm Wool... door... y?
WAITOHOORU[giggling]: That's great, I'm so glad you're fine. Now, you may be wondering why there was no eviction ceremony yesterday.
STAN: Oh yeah, it would have helped... [motioning toward Spanky] ...I can't stand living with this guy for more than two seconds!
SPANKY[giggling]: He doesn't mean it, really...
WAITOHOORU: Well, the truth is... I wanted to delay the ceremony because I like all eight of you, and I didn't want to see all of you go so soon! I wanted all of you to stay one more day. Besides, the Animation Alliance told me all about your Kiss The Ugly Frog game last night, and I was touched!
XANDIR: Yeah, Kiss The Ugly Frog is very inspiring!
FOXXY: Ain't it the truth?
WAITOHOORU: However, I promise you, there will be an eviction ceremony for each of the remaining five days you stay in the Drawn Together house, including this one. But, since you made it this far, I'd like to give each of you a little reward, since I love you so much...
[Waitohooru pulls out eight manila envelopes, each addressed to one of the remaining eight contestants. He hands each one to the contestant that envelope is addressed to.]
WAITOHOORU: It's going to be something you'll really like, trust me! But don't open them until I tell you that you can!
[Eventually Waitohooru has given each contestant an envelope.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, I take it that each of you has an envelope, right?
TOOT: Well, since there are eight envelopes, and there are eight of us... yeah, it makes perfect sense!
WAITOHOORU: Good! Now you can open your envelopes!
[The eight contestants rip open their envelopes. Each one contains a black-and-white photo of Waitohooru, which he autographed himself.]
STAN(CC): Waitohooru gives us these envelopes, and each of them contains a photo of himself which he signed. I'm glad Cartman isn't on a show like this, because if Waitohooru gave him an autographed photo, Cartman would boast about how he has one and how we don't have one, and he'd give us a whole song-and-dance routine that stopped being funny around... hmm... come to think of it, when WAS Cartman funny?
[Note: Stan says he's glad Cartman isn't on a show like this. Should we show him Justin Schmo, or shouldn't we, people?]
WAITOHOORU: So, how do you like it?
STAN: Dude, that's totally sweet!
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, but the truth is, this is the first reality show I'm hosting, so I'm still a bit new at this hosting thing. I'm worried that I might not be as good as the other fanfic authors who have hosted reality shows... for example, I still can't believe Adam Pulver is hosting Champion's Cup instead of me!
MANNY(CC): Yeah, and we're STILL pissed off at you for not letting us work on it with you, Adam! We made those contestants reality TV stars, and THIS is how you repay us... casting us aside like street trash? Come on!
BARB(CC): Manny, please!
MANNY(CC): Sorry, just venting, dear.
STAN[to Waitohooru]: Well, maybe you will get that break one day... maybe this show will make you famous!
WAITOHOORU: Oh, I certainly hope so, Stan, thank you! Anyway, I've gotta go. Enjoy the photos, everyone!
[Waitohooru leaves, leaving the eight contestants to look at their autographed photos.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Each of the eight headshots has been autographed by yours truly.
[Close-up shot of the photo Stan is holding, which is autographed "To Stan --- From Waitohooru".]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Usually, the headshot would be autographed "To So-And-So --- From Waitohooru", except I would replace 'So-And-So' with the recipient's name. But not all of them are like this.
[Close-up shot of the photo Clara is holding, which is autographed "To Princess Clara --- You truly are, literally, a storybook princess. Hope you find your Prince Charming... in fact, he is a lot closer to you than you think! Sincerely, Waitohooru." There are also a lot of heart symbols written next to Clara's name.]
CLARA(CC): The photo the host gave me had a lot of writing on it, and it was signed in such a way so that Stan would think that the host was in love with me.
WAITOHOORU(CC): And thus, we introduce the love triangle to the story! I am one side of the triangle, and Princess Clara is the second...
CLARA(CC): I am so glad the love triangle does not exist in real life! Besides, the relationship between a host and a contestant is definitely forbidden... at least, that's what father told me!
WAITOHOORU(CC): Yeah, but it has happened in the past... remember Survivor: Vanuatu, when Jeff Probst had a crush on Julie? Of course, she didn't win the game, but still.
[Close-up shot of the photo Toot is holding, which is simply signed, "From Waitohooru".]
TOOT(CC): The photo Waitohooru gave me was just signed, "From Waitohooru". He didn't even write my name, planting this notion in Stan's head that the host doesn't even like me... which I know is not true!
WAITOHOORU(CC): And Toot is the third side of the love triangle! And, according to the story, she loves me, and I hate her. And of course, I don't. You know what? Hate should only be used in stories such as this, and it shouldn't be utilized in real life. You got that, Super Hurricane?
WOOLDOOR: So, Stan, what does your photo say?
STAN: My photo is signed "To Stan --- From Waitohooru".
WOOLDOOR: Yay, that's what my photo says! Cool!
STAN: Um, I think he would have signed your name instead of mine for your photo.
[Wooldoor looks at his headshot, and realizes that Stan is right.]
WOOLDOOR: Oh. You're right. Sorry!
XANDIR: Clara, what does yours say?
[Clara shows everyone her headshot.]
CLARA: Oh gosh... mine says "To Princess Clara --- You truly are, literally, a storybook princess. Hope you find your Prince Charming... in fact, he is a lot closer to you than you think! Sincerely, Waitohooru."
FOXXY[to Clara]: Ooh, I think he love you!
STAN(CC): Waitohooru signed each of our photos... but I think he signed Clara's photo with this long, extended writing as if he has a crush on her or something... I think those two are in some sort of relationship, but... is that possible? Can the host do that?
[At this point, Toot fumes angrily.]
STAN: What's wrong, Toot?
TOOT: You don't want to see how he signed mine... trust me.
CAPTAIN HERO: What's the big deal? I mean, he could have signed it "To Toot, From Waitohooru" like everyone else, right?
TOOT: That's not how he signed mine! Look!
[Toot shows everyone her headshot.]
STAN: Damn...
TOOT: See? He didn't even write my name!
WOOLDOOR: Maybe he doesn't know how to spell it.
TOOT: Hello? My name is easy to spell! T - O - O - T! Who could possibly misspell THIS?
SPANKY: Oh, thank you for teaching us how to spell your name, Toot! That knowledge will definitely come in handy when we write your name down at the next eviction ceremony!
[Captain Hero laughs.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Yeah, Spanky, you rock!
[Captain Hero and Spanky high-five each other yet again.]
TOOT[pissed off]: Oh, whatever!
[Toot gets up from the table, and returns to the Green Room, cursing under her breath.]
TOOT[under her breath]: Two-timing backstabbing host and that royal pain in the ass... the two of them can go to Hell...
[By the time Toot is finished ranting, she is gone. Once she enters the Blue Room, she slams the door shut, and everyone at the table hears it!]
STAN: Whoa, Toot is such a bitch!
CAPTAIN HERO: Yeah, I know I have super strength and all, but even I would never slam a door as loud as THAT! I'm just sayin'.
STAN(CC): What kind of bug crawled up Toot's ass? I think she's just jealous because Waitohooru wrote a lot of stuff on Clara's photo, and not a lot on hers. Maybe he ran out of ink or something. Still, I don't think Toot should have acted that way. That is so childish of her... and coming from a fourth-grader, that's saying something.
TOOT(CC): Ha! He thinks I'm jealous of Clara and Waitohooru, and he bought it, hook, line, and sinker! You can all take back your comments about how us old-timey black-and-white cartoons are "lame" compared to your modern-day, expensive, multicolored, computer-animated, made-in-Korea cartoons, people! We're not as lame as you think we are, baby!
* * *
[Cut to Stan going up to the Master Bedroom after eating breakfast. He is about to play his Chinpokomon game, when Wooldoor knocks on the door.]
STAN[shouting]: Come in!
[Wooldoor opens the door, and enters in true annoying Nicktoon-like character fashion.]
WOOLDOOR: Wheeeeee!
STAN: Oh, it's you.
STAN(CC): I was going to play the Chinpokomon game, but Wooldoor wanted to enter my room and talk to me. I immediately realized that I may have made a mistake in forming that alliance with him yesterday, because he might do this a lot, but I figured... hell, I would get used to it after a while.
WOOLDOOR: Stan... can I talk to you?
STAN: Sure, dude! What do you want to talk about?
WOOLDOOR: Well, I asked Toot why she didn't like the photo Waitohooru gave her... but she didn't answer me.
STAN: Really...?
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, she screamed, and threw a vase at me! [rubbing his sore shoulder] Ow, it still hurts...!
STAN: Whoa, dude... I... I don't know what to say.
WOOLDOOR: And then she slammed the door right in my face!
[Stan narrows his eyes.]
STAN: Dude... I think Toot is... perhaps a bit upset right now, because she's in love with a man, and the man she loves is in love with another woman... and she doesn't like the fact that the man she loves has... has a crush on this other woman.
WOOLDOOR: Oh? Who is this man?
STAN: Uh... I think she's in love with Waitohooru, the host.
WOOLDOOR: Oh. Who is the woman?
STAN: Clara.
WOOLDOOR: Ohhhh!
STAN: Yeah, Toot's upset because Waitohooru wrote lots of things on the photo he gave Clara, but wrote less than that on the photo he gave HER.
WOOLDOOR: Really?
STAN: Yeah, Wooldoor... I think you just saw jealousy in action.
WOOLDOOR: Jealousy? What's that? Is that a new flavor of Jello? Because I want some sooooo bad!
STAN: Oh boy... how do I say this... jealousy is when someone wants his or her own way, and is upset when someone else gets whatever he or she wants, and he or she doesn't get it.
WOOLDOOR: Oh, then I'm jealous too.
STAN: Really? Who are you jealous of?
WOOLDOOR: Spanky.
STAN[sarcastically]: Why am I not surprised...
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, because Spanky has this cool robe, and I want to wear it! Wheeeeeee!
[Silence.]
STAN: Uh... you aren't referring to the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe, are you?
WOOLDOOR: Yep! I am!
STAN: Dude, Spanky won the robe in the immunity challenge! That's why he has it!
WOOLDOOR: Oh, I see!
STAN: But to make sure he doesn't win it again...
[Stan holds out his pinky finger in "pinky swear" fashion.]
WOOLDOOR: Oh, I was just about to pinky swear!
STAN: Yeah, that's right. We have to pinky swear not to vote each other off until we have no other choice!
WOOLDOOR: In that case...
[Wooldoor holds out his pinky, and locks it with Stan's.]
STAN(CC): I made a pinky swear with Wooldoor. I know I already pinky swore with Ling-Ling, but he broke his word when he voted against me at the previous eviction ceremony. But I think I can trust Wooldoor, since, unlike Ling-Ling, he wants to keep his word, no matter what...
WOOLDOOR: And who are we going to vote off this time?
STAN: Well, duh! Spanky! He won it last time! Also, he acted like a dick before he won it, and he acted like a dick AFTER he won it!
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, but... what if he wins immunity again?
STAN: Then we vote... Toot.
[Black-and-white flashback of Toot getting upset over the autographed headshot Waitohooru gave her.]
WOOLDOOR: Toot, huh?
STAN: Yeah, I mean, come on, Toot, it's just a photo! It's not like it's the end of the world or something!
WOOLDOOR: But my name isn't Toot! It's Wooldoor!
STAN: I... I'm just a bit concerned about her behavior is all. Maybe voting her off will teach her a lesson.
WOOLDOOR: Yeah...
STAN: So, it's either Spanky or Toot. And if one of them wins immunity, we can simply vote the other off!
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, good plan, Stan! You're the man! Hey... that rhymed!
[Stan and Wooldoor high-five each other.]
STAN: We are going to get so far in this game!
WOOLDOOR: You said it, pal! By the way, I have one more question to ask...
STAN: Okay, what is it?
WOOLDOOR: Stan... what's a dick?
[Stan slaps his forehead.]
STAN: You're... kidding, right?
WOOLDOOR[excited]: Wheeeeeeee!
* * *
[Later, we find all eight contestants chilling in the living room. Everyone is basically awaiting the announcement of the second immunity challenge, and they are mingling with each other to pass the time.]
WOOLDOOR: Gosh, I wonder what the next immunity challenge is going to be!
STAN: For our sake, I hope it's a challenge that Spanky loses!
FOXXY: Yay-uh!
SPANKY: Oh, I'm going to win immunity once again! Trust me!
TOOT[to Spanky]: No, you're not gonna, buddy, because I'M winning this one!
SPANKY: Dude, the robe was definitely meant for yours truly!
XANDIR: Maybe whoever wins the robe this time can actually wash it... I saw the thing, and it is FILTHY! Besides, it clashes with his wardrobe.
TOOT: Yeah, if you call that a wardrobe!
[A lot of the contestants laugh.]
SPANKY: Make fun of me all you want, I'm still gonna win it! [singsong] Nah nah nah nah nah!
FOXXY: We gone see 'bout that!
[At this point, Waitohooru enters the living room.]
WAITOHOORU: Hey, everyone!
FOXXY: Heya! The Immunity Challenge ready?
WAITOHOORU: Oh, yeah, we've got it all set up for you! But before I show you where it is... Spanky, I need you to go to the Red Room and bring me the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe.
SPANKY: Okay!
[Fast-motion shot of Spanky retrieving the Immunity Robe from the Red Room. He hands it to Waitohooru, who quickly takes it.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe is now back up for grabs! Now, everyone, follow me! I'll show you where the Immunity Challenge is going to be held!
* * *
[Waitohooru leads the eight contestants down the stairs to the basement of the Drawn Together house. He leads them into the Room of Doom, and down the hallway. Near the voting table, where everyone casts their votes to evict someone... is a doorway which was previously locked. Waitohooru takes out a key, and uses it to unlock the door. The door opens, revealing a very looooong corridor, and at the end of that corridor is a flight of stairs leading up. Waitohooru leads the contestants down the corridor to these stairs.]
WAITOHOORU: The Immunity Challenge is right up these stairs. Everyone, please form a single line so I can count you all, and don't go back inside until the bell rings.
STAN: Huh?
WAITOHOORU: Just go up the stairs.
STAN: Oh, okay.
[Waitohooru leads the eight contestants up the flight of stairs. The stairs lead to another door. Waitohooru opens the door, which leads to a room which appears to be some kind of stage, like it was a theater or a comedy club or something. There are also eight seats the contestants can sit in to watch performances, and there is also a table with three folding chairs behind it. You'll find out who will sit in these chairs later.]
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IMMUNITY CHALLENGE 2: THIS STAGE OF THE GAME
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STAN(CC): The host led us to this really kickass room that looks like some kind of stage! I mean, are we going to perform something on here... like some kind of school pageant or what?
WAITOHOORU: Now you may be wondering why there is a stage in the Drawn Together house. Well, let's just say Last Comic Standing isn't the only reality series with a theater for a room! This is where the second Immunity Challenge of the game takes place, and like the last one, it is for immunity. The challenge is called This Stage Of The Game, and here's how we play it. Each of the eight of you is going to be using the stage to perform whatever talent you want. It can be anything, singing, dancing, walking on your hands, you name it.
XANDIR: Cool!
WAITOHOORU: And you are going to be doing this because in a moment, three cartoon characters will be judging your performances. They will rate each of you, from 0 to 10, how they liked your performance. 0 is the lowest, and 10 is the highest. You want your performance to be impressive enough to get the highest score possible, because your final score will be a total of each of the scores that the three judges will give you. So, if one judge gives you a 4, another judge gives you a 6, and the third judge gives you a 7, you would end up with a total score of 17. The houseguest whose performance gets the highest total score wins immunity.
[The eight contestants are really excited.]
FOXXY: I got this one in the bag, y'all!
WAITOHOORU: Now, our judges are going to be here in an hour. This gives you sixty minutes to go backstage, and rehearse.
* * *
[Shot of the backstage area, which is a hallway consisting of eight identical doors, each with one of the contestants' names on them. There is also a telephone in that hallway, planted on one of the walls. Some of the contestants immediately enter their dressing rooms. Xandir, however, picks up the phone, and dials a number which in actuality... leads to a dial tone. But Stan doesn't know that. Stan, by the way is also outside the hallway. He is about to enter his dressing room, when he hears Xandir speaking.]
XANDIR[on the phone]: Hello, I really need to speak to Descendant Of The Dragon, please! ...No, there aren't any dragons at the University of Calgary, silly! Descendant Of The Dragon is, like, his screen name! My name is Xandir, and I would so like to speak to him!
STAN(CC): When I was about to enter my dressing room to rehearse, Xandir picked up the phone... and I think he wanted to call the author of Anime Survivor, for some reason. I think he must really like that guy's stories...
XANDIR(CC): So I have this pretend phone call which Stan believes is with a fanfic author named Descendant Of The Dragon, who, of course, wrote the Anime Survivor series... and who I have never actually seen in my life, or even talked to! Of course, it isn't really him at the other end, it's just a dial tone... but Stan totally seems to think it is him!
[Stan opens the door to his dressing room, but he doesn't enter it completely. He stands under the doorway, and watches Xandir talking on the phone, speaking to someone who is not actually on the other end.]
XANDIR[on the phone]: Hi, is this Descendant Of The Dragon? [excited] ...Jon, nihao! This is Xandir! It's so super to speak with you! Where are you planning on going this weekend? ...Oh... my... god! San Francisco? Get out!
STAN(CC): I'm pretty sure that Xandir is gay now, because he talked to Descendant Of The Dragon like he wanted to go on a date with him. Come to think of it, I also think Descendant Of The Dragon is gay... whoever THAT guy is.
XANDIR[on the phone]: Sorry, girlfriend, I'm currently on, like, a reality show. But once this show is over, I will see you... because I have this adorable ankle bracelet I want you to try on! It goes great with your wardrobe, honey! ...Okay! Wo ai ni!
[Xandir hangs up the phone, and then enters his dressing room.]
STAN(CC): I mean, if Xandir found out that Descendant Of The Dragon was gay, he could have talked to him any time he wanted. But why did he wait until now, while he was on this reality show? And how did he know that dude's phone number? And why would he call the University of Calgary... during summer vacation, when no one has school? I don't understand any of this...
XANDIR(CC): Of course I don't know Descendant Of The Dragon's phone number! I have never once called him, e-mailed him, or snail-mailed him! Besides, I read his Livejournal, and from what I saw on there and what Waitohooru told me, that guy is REALLY gay, and he gives other gays a bad name. But don't tell him that, because he totally freaks when someone talks smack about him! 'Kay?
* * *
[Cut to a shot of Stan, now in his dressing room. He is listening to a tape of Billy Ray Cyrus' "Achy Breaky Heart", and dancing to it, like he did in the South Park episode "You Got F'd In The A".]
STAN(CC): Each of the eight of us has to do something talented, because three people from various cartoon shows are going to be watching our performances. So, for my act, I'm going to perform this dance my dad taught me.
[Shot of Stan performing the various moves to Achy Breaky Heart. Oh, I wish I could remember how that dance went, so I could write them down. Look it up. On the Internet.]
STAN(CC): It's "Achy Breaky Heart", by this one country dude Billy Ray Cyrus... and I think the judges are going to like this one, because I won a dance contest against some Orange County kids by performing this dance! Now all I need is a goth, a Raisins girl, a DDR champion, and a duck, and I'll be all set!
[Stan has finished dancing, and has turned off the cassette tape. He leaves his dressing room, and he sees Spanky just returning from the bathroom.]
STAN[to Spanky]: Dude, there you are! I want to talk to you!
SPANKY: Well? Talk to me!
STAN(CC): Once I finished dancing, I saw Spanky in the hallway. I decided to have a talk with him, because believe me, there were plenty of things I wanted to tell this asshat.
* * *
[Shot of Stan and Spanky, in Spanky's dressing room, talking to each other.]
SPANKY: So... what didja want to talk to me about?
STAN: The challenge, dude. It's about the challenge.
SPANKY: Oh, is it about how I'm going to win it, and place that robe back on my body, like last time?
STAN: It's not just about that... it's about the way you won the challenge last time.
SPANKY: Really?
STAN: Yeah, last time you won immunity... you won by peeing all over my body!
SPANKY: Hey, it was funny!
STAN: Not to me, it wasn't! It was sick, and you committed a disgusting act!
SPANKY: So what's your point?
STAN: Look, Spanky... all I'm saying is, just because you got away with it last time, doesn't mean you can get away with it this time.
SPANKY: Is that so...
STAN: Dude, you are going to be watched! By three judges! They are going to rate your performance! They certainly aren't going to give anything as sick and twisted as what you did high marks!
SPANKY: Oh, I'm going to get the highest marks from them, kid! I'm gonna get all 10s! You'll see a perfect 30 out of THIS pig!
STAN: 30? Hyeah... right! I don't see you getting a 30... in fact, I don't even see you getting a 20! Those judges are probably too sophisticated to give any of your performances a high score, because I'm pretty sure that if they saw your Flash movies on the Internet, and saw what you did in those movies, they know exactly what you would do!
SPANKY: Yeah, and they know I'm going to perform something worthy of that Immunity Robe!
[Stan narrows his eyes at Spanky's remark.]
STAN(CC): Spanky Ham is not going to win the Immunity Challenge. I mean, it's a talent contest, and all of Spanky's talents are too sick and disgusting for little children to even be watching! He's gonna get all zeroes from the judges, just you watch!
SPANKY(CC): Of course I'm gonna win the Immunity Challenge, goddammit! Didn't you read the script? ...Oh right, you're not supposed to read the script. My bad.
STAN: You know what, Spanky? You'd better damn well hope for your sake that you DO win immunity, because if someone other than you wins this, which, I assure you, is very likely to happen, then I promise you, I *will* vote you off tonight. I mean it.
SPANKY: And I won't be voted off tonight! So there!
STAN: W... whatever, dude. I'm leaving.
* * *
[Stan leaves Spanky's dressing room. However, he also notices Toot and Foxxy accosting each other in the hallway. He doesn't approach the two of them, but listens to their conversation.]
STAN(CC): After I left Spanky's dressing room, I noticed Toot and Foxxy were talking to each other. I really wish I could tell you it was a pleasant conversation...
FOXXY: Oh, hey, Toot.
TOOT: Hey, Foxxy.
FOXXY: Whatcha doin', girlfriend?
TOOT: Oh, I'm winning the Immunity Challenge! Trust me, after this challenge, black-and-white cartoons like mine will make a comeback!
FOXXY: How can you be sure? Foxxy never watched your cartoons!
TOOT: No, but your mother did!
[Foxxy's eyes open after she hears Toot's remark.]
FOXXY: D... did you just talk about my mama?
TOOT: Yeah, I just did! And believe me, your mother is so modern, she thinks Olive Oyl is what she pours on her salad!
FOXXY[under her breath]: Oh no she DIDN'T...
[Stan's eyes open after he witnesses what he just saw.]
STAN: Jesus!
STAN(CC): And the conversation quickly turned into a session of "Yo' Mama" insults. You know, for girls who are supposed to be in their twenties, they're definitely acting like ten-year-olds on the school playground!
FOXXY[to Toot]: Oh... oh yeah? Well, yo' mama so stupid, she think Denzel Washington was our first president!
[Toot is pissed off.]
TOOT: Well then... your mother is so fat, she ate Porky Pig!
[Now, Foxxy is pissed off.]
FOXXY: Yo' mama such a dumbass, she think Marion Barry a new flava' of ice cream!
STAN[to Toot and Foxxy]: Please... stop it, you two...
[However, Toot and Foxxy ignore him... because the script told them to do so. Don't blame them, blame the script.]
TOOT: Oh yeah? Your mother is so old, her Social Security number is 1!
FOXXY: Yo' mama so fat, Foxxy had to take a detour 'round her, but run outta gas!
TOOT: Your mother is so fat, she has to go inside when it rains so the lawn can get some water!
FOXXY: Yo' mama so fat, she had to be baptized at Sea World!
STAN: Hello?
TOOT: Your mother's a prostitute!
FOXXY: Yo' mama's a zebra!
TOOT: You're stupid!
FOXXY: You ugly!
[Toot and Foxxy glare daggers at each other.]
TOOT[smirking]: Your mother has the Ebola virus!
[Foxxy is really offended this time.]
FOXXY: All right, that's it. It's ON, bitch!
[Toot makes a beckoning motion with her hands.]
TOOT: Bring it, sister!
[And at that instant, Toot and Foxxy get into a massive catfight that is, since they are cartoon characters, obscured by a thick cloud of cartoon smoke. This is accompanied by sound effects of cats meowing playing in the background.]
STAN[to himself]: What the f*** is going on here...
STAN(CC): Then, it started turning into a catfight. It was pretty f***ed up. I think because Toot's pissed off that she can't always have her own way, she wants to instigate fights with other characters to make them look bad. She's definitely a bitch.
[Shot of both Toot and Foxxy sharing the same camera confessional.]
TOOT(CC): And the girls claim another victory over the young boy!
FOXXY(CC): Mm-hmm! Girl power, y'all!
[Toot and Foxxy high-five.]
[Cut back to the backstage hallway, where Toot and Foxxy are still fighting... and poor Stan is forced to watch.]
[Just then, Waitohooru enters the hallway.]
STAN: Oh, hey, dude.
WAITOHOORU: Hey, Stan, our judges are ---
[Waitohooru notices the two girls fighting each other.]
WAITOHOORU: [under his breath] Holy... [shouting to the two girls] Will you two quit doing that!
[The two girls stop in mid-catfight... in suspended animation.]
WAITOHOORU: What the heck were you two just doing?
TOOT[lying]: Uh... we were just practicing our... latest dance craze!
FOXXY[lying]: Yeah, boy! Everybody's doin' it! Uh-HUH!
STAN: Actually, that's not what *I* saw them doing...
WAITOHOORU: Well, whatever you were doing, that's not important right now! Our three judges have arrived... will you please call the other contestants over here? I want to bring all eight of you to the stage, so the judges can meet all of you!
* * *
[Fast-motion shot of Stan, Foxxy and Toot summoning the other five contestants out of their dressing rooms. Once all eight of them are together, they quickly take their places in the eight seats assigned for them in front of the stage.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, everyone, the immunity challenge is about to begin. I hope every single one of you rehearsed your talents very well, because the judges are going to see them! Speaking of which, let's introduce them right now!
WOOLDOOR: Yay!
WAITOHOORU: Our first judge is from the series "The Critic", and, appropriately enough, he IS a critic --- please welcome Jay Sherman!
[Instantly, Jay Sherman from "The Critic" enters the stage room, and walks over to Waitohooru and shakes hands with him.]
JAY(CC): Yes, it's me, Jay Sherman from "The Critic"... and surprise! The Animation Alliance hired me to be a cameo guest star! You know, most TV studios NEVER do that, because they see me as [makes quotes with his fingers] "the most hated film critic in America"! And yet, the Animation Alliance signs me up BECAUSE of that! Well, if that is true, then Stan will definitely hate me after I ruin his day! What goeth around cometh around!
STAN(CC): Waitohooru introduced us to Jay Sherman, who was from "The Critic"... you know, I... I just have a bad feeling about this guy. He hates all the movies a lot of my friends at school like to watch, and he's fat. It's like if Cartman were thirty years older... then again, THIS guy acts his age, unlike Cartman. And he's not as much of a fatass as Cartman is.
WAITOHOORU: Greetings, Jay. Good to have you here.
JAY: Why, hello, Waitohooru. Good to have me here too! [giggles] So, I hear that eight people want to show me their talents?
WAITOHOORU: You're looking at them!
JAY: Good. I could use a diversion from the lowborn hacks who simply refuse to leave the movie screen, no matter how many times I wish them away! It seems nowadays movie studios will hire just about anyone on the street corner who thinks they can actually act! Besides, weren't some of them supposed to be in jail by now?
WAITOHOORU: Um... okay, Jay, you can take your seat.
[Jay sits in one of the folding chairs at the judging table. Amazingly, the chair does not collapse under Jay's weight.]
WAITOHOORU[to the contestants]: And our next judge might be familiar to all you Web-surfers out there... in fact, you may have even e-mailed him! He's a rude, crude dude with lots of 'tude... all the way from Free Country, USA, please welcome Strong Bad!
[Just then, Strong Bad from homestarrunner.com enters the room. A lot of the contestants clap their hands upon seeing him.]
STRONG BAD: Thank you, all my peoples! You are totally awesome! But not as awesome as ME, of course!
STRONG BAD(CC): Pop quiz, dorks! Why did I, of all the cartoon characters out there, sign up to be on this stupid show? A. Because I get to watch some eight-year-old boy cry his little eyes out when I give his act a low score... B. Because the Animation Alliance is going to pay me some of them moneys, which I could use to buy a whole lot of cool swag... or C. Because I get to be with the lovely ladies, particularly that hot princess girl, and that African chick with the fox ears? If you don't know the answer to this one, then go away.
STAN(CC): My god... I can't believe I actually saw THE Strong Bad in the Drawn Together house... and it was about a week ago that I just downloaded his latest cartoon from the Internet! You know, that guy has not answered even one of my e-mails! But the good news is, he didn't answer any of Cartman's either!
WAITOHOORU: Hi there, Strong Bad. Are you here to see our eight aspiring actors in... action?
STRONG BAD: Yeah, man, as long as they're not stupid!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Strong Bad. Take your seat next to Jay over there.
STRONG BAD: Wicked!
[Strong Bad takes his seat at the judging table.]
SPANKY: Can you believe this guy gets away with being nasty to people? I like him already!
XANDIR: I guess all webtoons think alike in some way...
WAITOHOORU[to the contestants]: If you don't live in Japan, you may not recognize our third judge... unless you watched Anime Mole 1! From "Martian Successor Nadesico", say hello to Ruri Hoshino!
[Nadesico's Ruri Hoshino enters the room, proving that Chromus and Arpulver aren't the only fanfic authors who can blatantly insert this blue-haired anime girl into their fics whenever they want to.]
RURI(CC): I was relieved when the Animation Alliance told me about Animated Joe Schmo, and asked if I could be one of the judges for this challenge. And I agreed, because it was definitely better than watching the crew of the Nadesico run around like chickens with their heads cut off.
STAN(CC): God, who the hell is this girl? Just kidding, I watched Anime Mole 1 on the Frog Network, so I know who that girl is. And that girl kept calling the other contestants idiots! What a bitch! Now that you mention it, why did the Animation Alliance have these three people as judges, anyway?
WAITOHOORU(CC): Because they CAN! [laughs evilly]
WAITOHOORU: Aw, isn't she a sweet little girl?
RURI: Yes indeed, I'm sweet... but I can be your worst nightmare, so don't underestimate me.
[Ruri gives the eight contestants a cold gaze.]
WAITOHOORU: That's... nice, Ruri. Please take your seat next to Strong Bad. In other words, the shirtless guy wearing boxing gloves and a wrestling mask.
RURI: Oh.
[Ruri takes her seat at the judging table.]
RURI[under her breath]: Baka baka...
WAITOHOORU: Okay, now that all three judges are here, we'll get started!
* * *
[Fast-forward a bit. Each of the eight contestants is in their seats, except for the contestant who is on first. The curtain on the stage is closed.]
WAITOHOORU: All right, judges, get ready to, well, judge! The first cartoon character you are going to judge is Wooldoor Sockbat!
[The curtain raises, revealing Wooldoor Sockbat, who is wearing a magician's top hat and cape. The other seven contestants clap for him.]
WOOLDOOR: Hi, everybody! Do you want to see me perform some magic?
SPANKY[shouting]: No!
WOOLDOOR: What's that? You want me to? Wheeeeee! Then here we go!
SPANKY: I said no!
[Wooldoor ignores Spanky, and performs a clichéd handkerchief act in which he takes out two handkerchiefs of different colors, and turns them into handkerchiefs of two more different colors. Everyone except Spanky claps.]
SPANKY[shouting]: Dammit, it's a store-bought magic kit! How can you retards clap for THAT?
STAN(CC): Wooldoor was on first, and he performed this magic trick, which Spanky really seemed to hate. But then again, it's because Spanky's such a douche to him. Actually, I thought the trick was gay too, but I didn't want to hurt Wooldoor's feelings!
WOOLDOOR: Thank you! And for my next trick, I will pull a rabbit out of my hat!
[Wooldoor takes off his top hat, and puts his hand into it, as if trying to pull out a rabbit. However, his hand comes right through the top hat's lid, and actually grabs onto his crotch... but Wooldoor doesn't realize this! When Wooldoor grabs his crotch, a lot of people are stunned, including Stan.]
STAN: Holy sh**!
WOOLDOOR: Ooh, I feel something!
SPANKY: Yeah! Now THIS is my favorite part of the show!
TOOT[to Spanky]: Shut up!
[Wooldoor continues to grab his balls, and pulls them, along with the rest of his body, through the top hat.]
WOOLDOOR: Hooray!
[Everyone applauds him very lightly... including Stan, who, despite not liking the act, continues to cheer him on to not hurt his feelings.]
WOOLDOOR: And now, how about a card trick?
[Wooldoor pulls out a deck of cards from ass space.]
SPANKY: How about you shut the f*** up?
WOOLDOOR: Okay, for my card trick, I'll need a volunteer! How about...
[Wooldoor points his finger out, and plays a game of 'Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe' with each of the other seven houseguests. Of course, it is scripted so that Stan would be the volunteer, so he ends up pointing at Stan.]
WOOLDOOR: ...you, the little boy in the brown coat and blue hat?
STAN: Me?
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, boy, don't be shy! Come on up!
STAN: Oh, all right!
[Stan gets up onto the stage.]
STAN(CC): And Wooldoor called me up onto the stage and asked me to be his assistant in this card trick he wanted to perform. What have I gotten myself into...
WOOLDOOR: Okay, little boy, what is your name?
STAN: Stan Marsh.
WOOLDOOR: Stan, huh? Where are you from?
STAN: I'm from South Park, Colorado.
WOOLDOOR: Ooh, sounds pretty far off! How many tattoos do you have?
STAN[pissed off]: Oh, will you just do the damn card trick already? Jesus!
WOOLDOOR: Yeesh... just asking is all...
[Wooldoor spreads the cards out, face down.]
WOOLDOOR: Okay, now pick a card!
[Stan picks one of the cards from the deck. It is a nine of diamonds.]
WOOLDOOR: Don't show the card to me! I won't look at it!
[Wooldoor takes his eyes out of his sockets, and places them down his pants, shocking Stan and a lot of the contestants.]
WOOLDOOR: Okay, now put the card back in the deck.
[Stan places the nine of diamonds back in the deck.]
WOOLDOOR: Now, I will shuffle the deck!
[Wooldoor shuffles the deck frantically, but it isn't easy to do since he took his eyes out of his sockets. Wooldoor ends up clumsily sending all the cards flying across the theater, and all over the place. One of them, the two of clubs, ends up in Stan's hand.]
WOOLDOOR: Okay, Stan, is the card in your hand the card you picked?
STAN(CC): No, it isn't, Wooldoor! The card I picked was the nine of diamonds! But... I still didn't want to get your feelings hurt, so...
STAN[lying]: Yes, everyone! That's exactly the card I picked!
WOOLDOOR: Wheee! Another successful magic trick done by the great Wooldoor Sockbat! Give me a hand, everybody!
[Everybody applauds Wooldoor Sockbat, except for Spanky. Stan returns to his seat, and Wooldoor puts his eyes back into his sockets.]
SPANKY[shouting]: Booooooo! Get this guy off the stage!
WOOLDOOR(CC): Everyone in the audience knows that that wasn't the correct card! But I liked how Stan told everyone it was the correct card, even though it wasn't! I feel like Stan is my bestest buddy, and I hope we can stay friends even on Day 8, when he, sadly, has to find out the truth. [excited] Wheeee!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, judges, that was Wooldoor Sockbat and his magic tricks! Now, let's find out how you rated him. We'll start with Jay.
WOOLDOOR: No, "we'll" starts with W!
WAITOHOORU: Jay, what did you think of Wooldoor's act?
JAY: It stinks!
[Wooldoor's eyes expand, and his jaw drops and hits the floor with a THUD.]
JAY: You call that magic? Those so-called illusions are worse than the special effects in Miramax's last three films combined! I'll give this act... a 2.
WOOLDOOR[to Jay]: Y... you're mean!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, so far Wooldoor's score is 2. Strong Bad, what score did YOU give him?
STRONG BAD: Holy crap, man! The Cheat is more likely to give up smoking than this guy is likely to give up sucking!
[Drops of sweat run down Wooldoor's face, and his teeth chatter repeatedly.]
STRONG BAD: I'ma give this guy a... 1.
WOOLDOOR: Aw, that's not fair, you guys!
STRONG BAD: Well, life ain't always fair, Wool-DORK Sock-BUTT!
SPANKY: Yeah, good one, S.B.!
[Wooldoor cries his eyes out.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay then, Wooldoor's score is now 3. Ruri, what's your opinion?
RURI: Well, Wooldoor performed just like I expected him to...
[Wooldoor is excited.]
RURI: ...like an idiot!
[Wooldoor is disappointed.]
RURI: I'm going to give him a 2.
WAITOHOORU: Okay, then, Wooldoor's total score is 5.
WOOLDOOR[smiling]: Well, that *is* better than 4, right?
WAITOHOORU: Uh, yes it is.
WOOLDOOR: Wheee!
WAITOHOORU: Wooldoor, you can take your seat now.
WOOLDOOR: Yippee!
[Wooldoor takes his seat in front of the stage.]
CAPTAIN HERO: I can't believe he's excited over a score of 5!
SPANKY: Oh, he won't be excited for long. Trust me.
* * *
[Once again, we have an empty seat in the audience where someone should be. It isn't Wooldoor, since he was already on the stage.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, our next act is from the one and only Captain Hero!
[The curtain raises, revealing Captain Hero on stage. He doesn't need to put on a cape, since the cape is part of his traditional wardrobe. Once again, the other seven contestants clap for him.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Thank you, everyone! For my talent, I am going to use my super strength to bend a little boy in half!
[A lot of the contestants are stunned, including Stan, who is just shocked.]
STAN: What the hell did you say?!
CAPTAIN HERO: Kidding! I'm really going to bend a construction beam in half, relax!
[Captain Hero goes backstage, picks up a huge construction beam with both of his hands, and takes the beam with him back onto the stage.]
CAPTAIN HERO: And for all you children out there, please don't try this at home! If you do this, you'll die, and if you die, how can I sleep with you tonight?
WAITOHOORU: Uh... words to live by!
[Captain Hero exerts some brute force upon the steel beam, until he eventually bends the beam at a 10-degree angle, and then breaks the beam in two.]
STAN: Whoa, dude!
STAN(CC): Captain Hero was next, and his talent was to bend a steel beam and break it into two pieces. Well, it must be a talent, because it is something I sure as hell cannot do, and definitely no one else in the house can!
[Captain Hero picks up the two pieces of the beam, and places them on both of his nipples, so that the beams are extended toward the other contestants. The seven of them laugh, and then applaud him.]
WAITOHOORU: That was Captain Hero, ladies and gentlemen!
[The seven other contestants applaud him some more.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Thank you! I really wish I could take you all home with me! No, seriously, I really do!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, now judges, what did you think? Jay, what did you think of Captain Hero?
JAY: Well, while his talent does harken back to the days of Christopher Reeve gracing our movie screens as Superman... he, sadly, does not come even close.
CAPTAIN HERO: Bummer!
JAY: Still, I will give him a 6.
CAPTAIN HERO: Whoa...
WAITOHOORU: Okay, so Captain Hero's score is currently 6. Strong Bad?
STRONG BAD: Well, as The Cheat would say... meh.
[Captain Hero is shocked.]
STRONG BAD: Seriously! It's been done before! I've seen Strong Mad do it a million times, man! So... I'm gonna give you a 3, Cappy.
CAPTAIN HERO: A 3?! This is an outrage!
WAITOHOORU: Okay then... Strong Bad's 3 bumps Captain Hero's score to 9. Ruri, what did you think?
RURI: You know what they say... all brawn, but no brains.
[Captain Hero's jaw drops.]
RURI: I will give him a 1.
WAITOHOORU: A 1, Ruri? Okay, then that means Captain Hero has a total score of 10! That beats Wooldoor's 5, so Captain Hero, you're in the lead!
CAPTAIN HERO: Whew!
[Captain Hero returns to his seat.]
STRONG BAD: Maybe I should, like, give out negative scores! You know, like this one luchador dude from Vida TV?
WAITOHOORU: Uh, we'll see, Strong Bad. We'll see.
* * *
[The curtain has been lowered again for the next act, who is not in the audience with the other seven.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, our third act is ready! Next up is... Princess Clara!
[The curtain raises, revealing Princess Clara on the stage. Instead of her traditional royal pink dress, she is wearing a light-blue tanktop, hot pink bike shorts, and white sneakers. Many of the contestants cheer her on, particularly some of the males in the audience...]
SPANKY: Whoa, that girl is hot!
[...among them, Waitohooru. However, Toot does not cheer Clara on, but just glares daggers at a Clara-hungry Waitohooru.]
CLARA: Thank you, everybody!
[Waitohooru continues to cheer Clara on like a maniac.]
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, Clara! Woo hoo!
CLARA: Um, I haven't even performed my act yet!
WAITOHOORU: Yaaaaaaaay!!!!
[Even more people stare at Waitohooru, including Stan.]
STAN(CC): When Clara got on the stage, Waitohooru immediately cheered for her... a lot. And she didn't perform yet. I guess that guy really likes her that much. Dude... it's so creepy, when you think about it.
WAITOHOORU(CC): And when I cheered Clara on, I added more to the picture painted in Stan's head that I have this crush on Clara. And he's still buying it. I *love* my job!
STAN[to Waitohooru]: Dude, what are you doing?
[Waitohooru regains his composure.]
WAITOHOORU: Oh, right. Clara's act. [to Clara] Clara, what is your act, anyway?
CLARA: Why, I'd be glad to show you!
[Clara pulls a hula hoop out from backstage.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Whoa...
[Clara presses the PLAY button on a stereo.]
[BGM -- Harlem Globetrotters Theme, Clara Titatorn. Whatever THAT word means.]
[Clara places the hula hoop over her neck, and, well, hula-hoops, to the Harlem Globetrotters music. A lot of the male contestants ogle her jiggling body.]
STAN(CC): And then I saw Clara... she was shaking a hula hoop around her body... and around... and around. It was hypnotic... it was like I am somehow drawn toward her hula-hooping. I bet if the girls at school saw this, they'd want to hula hoop as well, so they can be just like her. It really is that hypnotic.
CLARA(CC): According to the Animation Alliance, my hula-hooping is supposed to symbolize the [makes quotes with her fingers] "awakening of my sexual being". Funny, I always thought it was just making a hula hoop go around and around. I'm pretty sure the writers are Jewish, because they have metaphors for everything!
[Clara continues to shake her hula hoop, and her body, to the Harlem Globetrotter music.]
CAPTAIN HERO: I really like watching her shake her hips!
SPANKY: *I* really like watching her shake her TITS!
[Captain Hero and Spanky notice Xandir watching Clara.]
SPANKY: Oh, Xandir... you like watching her shake her tits, too?
XANDIR: Actually, I was fascinated by that tanktop she's wearing.
CAPTAIN HERO: You would be --- "Metal QUEER Solid".
XANDIR: Stop that!
[After the music stops, Clara stops hula-hooping. All the contestants (except for Toot, who just pouts) clap for her.]
WAITOHOORU: Everybody, let's hear it for Princess Clara!
[Once again, everyone except Toot cheers Clara on. Waitohooru notices Toot's lack of participation.]
WAITOHOORU: Ahem, I said, EVERYBODY, let's hear it for Princess Clara!
[Toot unenthusiastically "cheers" for Clara.]
TOOT: Uh... yay! Go, Clara, go... [under her breath] ...to Hell.
WAITOHOORU: Judges, I hope you kept your eye on Clara as much as I did!
TOOT: Please! This guy hasn't been able to keep his eyes OFF that royal skank!
WAITOHOORU[to Toot]: Quiet, woman! [to Jay] Jay, what is your verdict?
JAY: Feh!
[Clara is saddened by Jay's utterance of "Feh".]
JAY: I am very disappointed with young women nowadays, thinking they can just win anyone's favor by flaunting their... sexy... curveous... magnificent...
[Jay is now officially entranced by Clara's sexy body, and is now in a daze. However, a quick slap from Waitohooru's hand wakes him up.]
JAY: Oh, sorry. Anyway, I'll give Clara a 5.
CLARA: That's okay.
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Clara's score is now 5. Strong Bad, how say you?
STRONG BAD: Well, I don't care what that guy just said... that girl is hot, okay? [to Clara] Say there, Sarah?
CLARA: Actually, it's Clara.
STRONG BAD: Yeah, whatever, Darrah. You were definitely a lot better than both of the acts I've seen so far! I'll give you a 9 for being such a hottie!
SPANKY: A 9?! Boo! Give her a 10, damn you! Come on!
STRONG BAD(CC): See, I gave Clara a 9 because Strong Bad loves all the ladies, and they get high scores from me... unless they do something stupid. For instance, they could ask me, like, how I type with boxing gloves on my hands. Or they could call me "Stong Bad". Or they could call me "Homestar" instead of "Strong Bad". *Then* I give them low scores.
CLARA: Wow, thanks!
STRONG BAD: You're welcome, Farrah!
CLARA: You have definitely shattered the glass ceiling! Father says Mexicans are usually evil and lazy! Plus they usually smell really bad from the food they eat!
[Strong Bad's eyes narrow when he hears Clara's racist remark.]
STRONG BAD: I *do* have ears, you know! But you, like, never see them, just like you don't see Dumbstar's arms! But that doesn't mean they aren't THERE, okay?
CLARA: Sorry!
STRONG BAD: Do you want me to give you a 3 instead? I can do that!
CLARA: No... I take it all back! Please forgive me!
STRONG BAD: Oh, all right...
WAITOHOORU: Well, after all that, Strong Bad's 9, along with Jay's 5, gives Clara a score of 14. Ruri, what did you think of Clara?
RURI: Baka!
[Clara's eyes open when she hears Ruri utter "baka".]
RURI: Could that act be any more stupid? I'm going to give you a 1.
[Even though Ruri just gave Clara a 1, the princess still smiles.]
CLARA: Well, it IS better than zero... okay!
SPANKY: No, it isn't! Clara is WAY hotter than that!
CAPTAIN HERO: Yeah! What you're doing is an injustice!
RURI[to herself]: I'll just pretend I didn't even hear that. That's how I dealt with Yurika.
WAITOHOORU: Ooookay then. So Ruri's score of 1 now makes Clara's score 15, which means SHE's now in the lead!
CLARA[excited]: Yaaaaay!
* * *
[It's time for Act Four. Again, there is an empty seat in the audience.]
WAITOHOORU: Our next act, coming to you from the world of black-and-white cartoons, is Toot Braunstein!
[The curtain raises, revealing Toot on stage. No one claps for her.]
TOOT[clearing her throat]: Ahem!
[Silence.]
TOOT: I said, ahem!
[More silence.]
TOOT[shouting]: CLAP FOR ME, GOD DAMMIT!!!
[The contestants grudgingly clap for her, including Stan.]
TOOT: Lucky me! Now, I'm going to tell you all about my talent, which I'm sure you judges will like! You see, we black-and-white cartoons have recently been the innocent victims of a smear campaign. And the guilty party? Why, all those people out there who want their cartoons in color, of course!
STAN: Ooooo...kay then.
TOOT: You people want color? I'LL show you color! And I'll show you what MY idea of a "smear campaign" is!
[Toot takes off her dress, revealing a... uh, SORTA sexy bikini. She goes backstage, and picks up a HUGE piece of white paper and some paint tubes in various colors. She places the piece of paper on the stage, and squirts the paint all over her body.]
TOOT: Here I go!
[Toot flops onto the white piece of paper, and lies there for about ten seconds. After that, she rolls around on the piece of paper, smearing the paper with the paint on her body, creating some abstract art pattern.]
STAN: Whoa!
STAN(CC): Toot was next, and for some reason, she put paint all over her body, and then rolled on this piece of paper to create what she said was art. This reminds me of when I was in kindergarten, and Cartman put finger paint all over his body, and rolled around on the floor, because he wanted everyone to pay attention to him. It was one of the first times he ever got a detention, and definitely not the last!
[Toot picks up the piece of formerly white paper, and shows the "body art" to everyone.]
TOOT[singing]: Ta-DA!
[The contestants now applaud Toot's body art... because they obviously don't want Toot to get angry. And you don't want to see Toot when she gets angry.]
XANDIR[to Toot]: I'd LOVE to have that in my bedroom, sweetie! How much gold do you want?
TOOT[to Xandir]: Oh, as much as you want to give me! I don't care!
[Toot blinks her eyes rapidly at Xandir.]
WAITOHOORU: All right then, that was Toot's talent! Jay, what did you think?
JAY: Well, it was definitely artistic... and you know how I'm a stickler for art! I'll give you a 7.
TOOT: Yay!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, then, Strong Bad, what did you give Toot?
STRONG BAD: Whoa... that art is definitely cuh-razy... with a capital Cuh. It's even freakier than the ones I've seen in Marzipan's living room! So, you get... a 6.
TOOT: Well, okay then...
[Toot shifts her eyes, and smirks.]
TOOT[to herself]: A score of 3 or more will put that royal bitch in her place...
WAITOHOORU: So that means Toot's score is now 13! Ruri?
RURI: Well, I may not know art, but I know what I like...
[Toot smiles.]
RURI: ...but this isn't it.
TOOT: What?!
RURI: You do, however, get a 3.
TOOT[excited]: Yes!
WAITOHOORU: This means that Toot's total score is now 16, so SHE's in the lead now!
TOOT: Boo-yah! [to Clara] Who's the winner NOW, princess?
CLARA: I... really wish you wouldn't do that.
* * *
[Act Five. Again, there is an empty seat, and since the other seven are filled by Drawn Together cast members...]
WAITOHOORU: All right, you've seen four acts so far, and there are four acts left to go! Next up, is Stan Marsh, from South Park!
[The curtain raises, and Stan Marsh is now on stage. Everyone claps for him.]
STAN(CC): And next was my act, and I believe I just told you it was the Achy Breaky Heart dance...
STAN: Um, hello everyone, my name is Stan Marsh, and for my talent, I wish to perform a dance number that my dad taught me.
[Stan presses the PLAY button on the stereo.]
[BGM -- Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus, Stan Titatorn. No really, what the hell is a Titatorn anyway?]
[Stan performs every move of Achy Breaky Heart in tune to the music. The others watch him dance his heart out.]
FOXXY(CC): We all done see Stan perform his talent, and... [laughs] lawd, his dance done prove to Foxxy just how white he is! It be true that Foxxy Love have danced a million of the world's dances, but Achy Breaky Heart sho' ain't one of 'em!
[Various angles of Stan continuing to dance Achy Breaky Heart to the music.]
STAN(CC): I was pretty sure I won this challenge, since I don't think I made any mistakes. I thought the judges would like it... buuuuuut!
[After the music stops, so does Stan. The seven Drawn Together cast members clap for him once again.]
WAITOHOORU: Once again, that was Stan Marsh, with his rendition of "Achy Breaky Heart"! And now, the scores! Jay, what did you give him?
JAY: Well... you were better than some of the acting I've seen on the screen nowadays! But, sadly, you weren't the best, but I will give you a 4. My advice? When you grow up, please don't be a dancer. Please.
STAN: Okay... I still think dancing's gay anyway.
WAITOHOORU: Strong Bad, now it's your turn.
STRONG BAD[to Stan]: [laughs] Well, Dan, it's official. I have now seen more crap than the Poopsmith has ever shoveled! I mean, is that stupid dance from some fourth-grade pageant or what?
STAN: Well, I *am* from fourth grade, if that's what you mean.
STRONG BAD: Oh man... I'm gonna give you a 2.
STAN[rolling his eyes]: Ooy...
WAITOHOORU: Well, that brings Stan's score to 6. Ruri?
RURI[laughing]: Oh boy... I thought I knew what stupid was, until I saw this act! You get a 1.
[Stan is really shocked.]
STAN: Weak!
STAN(CC): None of the three judges liked my act. Ruri didn't like it, Jay didn't like it, and Strong Bad definitely didn't like it! But it's just that these judges are so critical, so condescending, and so mean to people... I'm just sayin', these people should never judge a talent show, dude!
RURI(CC): Stan didn't like how we gave his act low scores... we like his act, really, and we all thought it was cute!
JAY(CC): Stan, if you're watching this, please forgive us! We were only doing what the script told us to do!
STRONG BAD(CC): Yeah, man! I really like your style! You can probably teach Bubs one of your slick moves!
WAITOHOORU: All right then, Stan's total score is 7. But that isn't enough to beat Toot's score of 16!
STAN: Yeah, but I don't think Spanky's ever gonna beat her, so... I'm okay.
* * *
[Act Six. Yet again, an empty seat in the audience.]
WAITOHOORU: All right, everyone, time to get your groove on, because the next act is from a swingin' soul sistah... Foxxy Love!
[The curtain raises again, revealing Foxxy Love in all her glory. Just about all of the contestants applaud for Foxxy... except Toot.]
TOOT: Hmph!
FOXXY: Ooh, it is gettin' hot in here! And it's gone get even hotter, 'cuz Foxxy Love is gone sing for y'all! And this song from one of my favorite movies, which also contain a Foxxy!
[Foxxy presses the PLAY button on the stereo.]
[BGM -- Daddy Wasn't There by Ming Tea (karaoke version), Foxxy Titatorn. Seriously, I really need to know what a Titatorn is! Is it too much to ask?]
STAN(CC): Foxxy was the next one to perform, and she sang a song which I think I heard from this one Austin Powers movie...
FOXXY: Get ready to make some noise, y'all!
[Foxxy picks up a microphone, and begins to sing along to the music. And if you haven't heard Cree Summer, who is Foxxy's voice actress, sing, then you don't know what you're missing...]
FOXXY[singing]: Daddy...
[Foxxy picks up her tambourine, and jangles it around a bit.]
FOXXY[singing]: Daddy wasn't there!
[Foxxy throws her tambourine in the air, and catches it with her hand.]
FOXXY[singing]: Daddy...
[Spanky, Wooldoor, and Captain Hero wolf-whistle at Foxxy.]
FOXXY[singing]: Daddy wasn't there... to take me to the fair... it seems he doesn't caaaaaaaaare! Daddy wasn't there!
[The male contestants, including Stan, continue to cheer Foxxy on.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Oh yeah! Try to give THAT a low score, judges!
FOXXY[singing]: When I was first baptized, when I was criticized, when I was ostracized, when I was Jazzercised, steak and kidney pies, one-hour Martinized, when I was cir - cum - cised... Daddy wasn't there! To take me to the fair! To change my underwear! Daddy wasn't there!
[The song stops, and along with it, so does Foxxy.]
FOXXY: YAY-uh! Simon Cowell, when I be on American Idol, I'ma sing this fo' you!
[Everyone (except Toot, obviously) claps for Foxxy.]
STAN(CC): I listened to Foxxy sing, and who wouldn't want to listen to that woman sing? She really kicked ass. She seemed to like the song that much, and I can tell she's been practicing. I could never sing like that.
FOXXY(CC): "Daddy Wasn't There" one of Foxxy's favorite songs, fo' good reason. All the thangs that happen to Austin in that song also happen to Foxxy! THIS Foxxy, though, not the Foxxy in the movie.
WAITOHOORU: That was Foxxy Love, with her rendition of "Daddy Wasn't There", from the movie "Goldmember"! I really liked that one, but then again, I'm not one of the three judges! Jay, how did you rate Foxxy?
JAY: I thought that Foxxy did rather well, considering it was a song from a movie I *hated*!
WAITOHOORU[to Jay]: Let me guess, you were the only person who hated that movie, right?
JAY: How did YOU know? Anyway, I'm going to give Foxxy an 8!
FOXXY: Yeah!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Strong Bad, how did you rate her?
STRONG BAD: Whoa! I cannot believe that voice came from that hot girl! We should form a duet sometime, foxy lady!
FOXXY: Well, mebbe it gone happen!
STRONG BAD: So, I'm gonna give her... a 10!
[Foxxy, very excited, pumps her fist in the air.]
FOXXY: Oh yeah! Foxxy in da hizzouse! Fo' shizzle, mah nizzle!
WAITOHOORU: So, that means Foxxy's score is now 18! Ruri?
RURI: Well, this is going to shock you all, but I'm going to give this woman...
[A smile forms on Ruri's face.]
RURI: ...a zero!
[Foxxy is stunned.]
FOXXY: Say WHAT?! You gone give the sistah a zero?!
RURI: Yep. I just did.
FOXXY[to Ruri]: Is you MAD, girlfriend? Get yo' white ass over here, and say it to my face! G'wan! Say it to my face, bitch!
CAPTAIN HERO: You tell her, Foxxy!
WAITOHOORU: Enough, Foxxy... you're now in the lead!
FOXXY: Oh, all right...
* * *
[Act Seven. You know the routine, an empty seat, and someone on stage.]
WAITOHOORU: Two acts left to go. Our next act is from Xandir, so give him a hand!
[The curtain raises, and Xandir is now the one on stage. The others clap for him.]
XANDIR: Omigod, this is totally fabulous! I love you all! And I'm totally going to show you something I've been working on... if you please?
[Xandir presses the PLAY button on the stereo.]
[BGM -- Sabre Dance by Aram Khachatourian, Xandir Titatorn. I keep telling you, I don't know what a Titatorn is! I mean, is it some kind of Pokémon or what?]
[Xandir pulls several swords out of sword space (in other words, his inventory) and juggles them in the air, wowing the crowd.]
STAN: Whoooooa...
STAN(CC): Xandir pulls out these swords, and starts juggling them in the air, and not once did he drop them! Even if he beats Foxxy, I'm pretty sure Spanky won't beat him! I want either Foxxy or Xandir to win the Immunity Robe.
[Xandir continues juggling to the Sabre Dance.]
XANDIR[while juggling]: When I went to the mountains for a spiritual retreat, I practiced this routine using the four swords I currently had at the time!
SPANKY: And you use swords, because they remind you of throbbing penises?
STAN[rolling his eyes]: Oh, Spanky Ham, shut the hell up...
[Xandir continues juggling until the music stops. But what an impressive performance from Xandir... but we'll have to see what the judges think.]
XANDIR: Ta-dah!
[Everyone applauds Xandir for his skill.]
WAITOHOORU: That was Xandir, and his juggling act! Jay, what did you think?
JAY: I can't believe I saw two talented acts back-to-back! I'm going to give him an 8!
XANDIR: Fabbo!
WAITOHOORU: Xandir now has an 8! Strong Bad?
STRONG BAD: Big deal, The Cheat can totally do that, and in his sleep!
[Xandir is sad.]
STRONG BAD: But... I do like you, Sandra, so I'ma give you a 7.
XANDIR: That's nice!
WAITOHOORU: Xandir's score is now 15! Ruri, what's your verdict?
RURI: Well, not quite as stupid as the others I've seen. Consider yourself lucky. You get a 4 from me!
XANDIR: Wow...
WAITOHOORU: Okay, so now Xandir's in the lead with 19! Unless Spanky gets a 20 or higher, Xandir's a definite candidate for immunity!
STAN: Spanky get a 20 or higher?!
XANDIR: Yeah, I'd so like to see that!
[Everyone except Spanky laughs.]
SPANKY: Well, it just so happens that my act is next! You'll see who's laughing then! You'll all see!
* * *
[Final act. Spanky must be the one on stage, because he sure isn't in the audience.]
WAITOHOORU: And finally, we have Spanky's act. Give it up for him!
[The curtain raises, and, just as I confirmed, Spanky Ham is on the stage.]
SPANKY: Okay, everyone! For my act, I'm going to sing a song for you.
TOOT[under her breath]: Yeah, and it'll probably be "Beans, Beans, The Musical Fruit". I can't wait to hear THIS!
SPANKY: Lights please!
[The lights in the theater dim, so that the spotlight on Spanky shines brightly. Spanky closes his eyes, and places a hand over his chest, and begins to sing.]
SPANKY[singing, and rather well]: Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are ca-a-alling... from glen to glen, and down the mountainside...
STAN[to himself]: Damn, dude...
SPANKY[singing]: The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dy-ying... 'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide!
STAN(CC): Spanky was the last act... and, surprisingly enough, he sang "Danny Boy"... and quite well, actually. What? Is this the same Spanky Ham who pisses and sh**s on people? What's going on here?
SPANKY[singing]: But come ye back when summer's in the me-eadow, or when the valley's hushed and white with snow... 'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in sha-adow... Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so!
[Suddenly, everyone, surprised as they are that Spanky is actually performing a talent that DOESN'T involve scatological matter, gives Spanky a standing ovation.]
SPANKY: Thank you, everyone, you've been a beautiful audience! No, really!
WAITOHOORU: That was Spanky Ham, and his rendition of "Danny Boy"! Jay, what did you think?
JAY: Well, "Danny Boy" is one of my favorite childhood songs. Hearing Spanky sing that awakened the pleasant memory of hearing that song for the first time! Bravo, Spanky! You get a 9!
SPANKY: Sweet!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Strong Bad, what did you think of Spanky?
STRONG BAD: Man... I don't know what to say! This song is like, older than old-school, man... if that were totally possible! So, Spanky... congrats. I will give you a 9 also!
SPANKY: Oh yeah, baby!
WAITOHOORU: And with two 9's, Spanky's score is 18! If Ruri gives him a 2 or higher, Spanky has won immunity! If Ruri gives him a 0, then Xandir wins, if she gives him a 1, then we have a tie.
[We see a huge smile on Ruri's face.]
RURI: Well, Spanky, your act was the least stupid. I'll give you a 7!
[Spanky pumps both fists in the air excitedly.]
SPANKY: YES!!!
WAITOHOORU: So, that settles it! With a total score of 25, Spanky Ham has won the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe!
SPANKY: Hell yeah!
[Waitohooru places the Immunity Robe around Spanky's body. Everyone claps for him.]
SPANKY: It is so good to have you back, m'boy! Spanky really missed you!
STAN: Dude, it was only for one hour! Jesus Christ!
STAN(CC): I can't believe it. I actually thought it wouldn't be possible. Spanky Ham has outperformed all of us, and he has won immunity again. So I guess I'm gonna put up with him for ANOTHER day. My life just keeps getting better and better...
SPANKY(CC): Well, of course, the challenge was fixed so that I would win immunity... AGAIN. That's what I like about the AA... they can fix the challenges, but they can't fix ME... because NO one can fix me! I'm KEEPING my meat and two vedge, thank you very much!
WAITOHOORU: Well, everyone, Spanky's immunity means that seven of you are now on the chopping block for tonight's eviction. I'll see you there.
TOOT[to Waitohooru, in sexy voice]: And I'll see YOU there, big boy!
[Toot begins winking at Waitohooru several times.]
WAITOHOORU: Toot... is there something wrong with your eye? Maybe you'd better get that thing checked.
TOOT: No, I'm okay.
* * *
[Fast forward to Stan, all alone in the Master Bedroom. He has a sad look on his face, and he is holding his head in his hands. He has good reason to be sad, since someone he really wanted to vote off once again has immunity.]
STAN(CC): Not once, but TWICE... no matter how much I try, I can't seem to beat this asshole. Maybe God, for some reason, actually WANTS this douchebag in the Drawn Together house. And once again, someone other than him is going to be voted off...
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback of the eight contestants in the dining room.]
STAN: What's wrong, Toot?
TOOT: You don't want to see how he signed mine... trust me.
CAPTAIN HERO: What's the big deal? I mean, he could have signed it "To Toot, From Waitohooru" like everyone else, right?
TOOT: That's not how he signed mine! Look!
[Toot shows everyone her headshot.]
STAN: Damn...
TOOT: See? He didn't even write my name!
[End flashback.]
* * *
STAN(CC): Toot has been acting like a bitch recently. She's pissed off at Clara because Waitohooru wrote more on the photo he gave Clara than the photo he gave HER, and I bet she's pissed off at Foxxy, as I saw in the hallway once I finished practicing my talent. I don't want that woman doing any more damage, so I'm going to vote against her tonight.
[Suddenly, there is a knock on the door of the Master Bedroom.]
STAN[shouting]: Who is it?
[The door is opened by Toot, who is waiting outside.]
TOOT: Why, it's just li'l ol' me, silly!
STAN: Toot? What the hell are you doing here?
TOOT: Well, I came here because I want to show you something... come with me.
STAN: Why?
TOOT: You might want to see for yourself first, so you can prevent it from happening again later.
STAN: Huh? What the hell?
[Toot grabs Stan by the arm, and drags him toward the bathroom door, which is locked. The light is on, indicating that someone is in there. Stan hears some faint voices which he recognizes as Spanky's and Captain Hero's.]
STAN: Why do you want me to go to the bathroom when someone else is in there?
TOOT: Oh, I don't want you to go IN there, boy! You might want to use this!
[Toot pulls a glass out of her cleavage.]
STAN: You want me to pee in a glass? Sick, Toot! Besides, isn't there a toilet in my room?
TOOT: No, Stan! I want you to hold the glass against the wall and listen in on them! They could be talking about me!
STAN[shuddering]: I don't believe this...
STAN(CC): Toot came to my room, and she took me to the bathroom, where Captain Hero and Spanky were. And she wanted me to overhear the conversation the two of them were having...
[Stan grudgingly takes the glass from Toot, and places it against the bathroom wall. He places his ear next to the glass so he can hear Spanky and Captain Hero talking.]
CAPTAIN HERO(OS)[to Spanky]: Oh yeah, you really nailed this one!
SPANKY(OS)[to Captain Hero]: I pulled through for us once again! It's us two to the finish, C.H.!
TOOT[whispering to Stan]: What did they say?
[Stan takes the glass off of the wall.]
STAN[whispering to Toot]: I think they were saying something about being the final two.
TOOT[whispering to Stan]: See? My suspicions are correct! Keep listening!
[Stan places the glass on the wall again, and presses his ear against it.]
* * *
[Cut back to the interior of the bathroom. Spanky and Captain Hero are standing there, nonchalantly.]
SPANKY: ...and they don't suspect a thing!
CAPTAIN HERO: They're never going to figure out our plan!
SPANKY: And the best part is... you can listen to all of THEIR plans!
CAPTAIN HERO: Yeah, with the super hearing! Smart thinking!
SPANKY: Oh yeah! There's no way they'd ever have THAT kind of super power!
[Spanky and Captain Hero laugh.]
SPANKY(CC): Captain Hero and I are in the bathroom, and we're apparently having this conversation with each other that Stan is supposed to be listening to. Me? I like to listen to bathroom conversations that involve fecal matter, but that's just me talking.
CAPTAIN HERO: Wait a minute...
SPANKY: What?
CAPTAIN HERO: What if someone could be listening to our conversation at this very moment? You know, they could be holding a glass to the door or something.
SPANKY: You're right. Let's lower our voices!
CAPTAIN HERO: Good plan, good plan indeed!
[Spanky and Captain Hero whisper unintelligible gibberish, while laughing to themselves.]
* * *
[Cut back to Toot and Stan outside the bathroom.]
TOOT: So... what did they say?
[Stan removes the glass from the wall, and turns to Toot.]
STAN: I can't hear them anymore, they lowered their voices.
TOOT: Well, that settles it. We've gotta vote off Captain Hero.
STAN: Why him?
TOOT: I mean, think about it. There are, I think... six people in the house who hate Spanky. You, me, Clara, Foxxy, Xandir, and Wooldoor. Who did I leave out?
STAN: Uh... Captain Hero?
TOOT: Exactly. Those two are buddies, and will vote the same way! So, whoever Spanky chooses to vote off, that's who Captain Hero will vote off! That's an extra vote! So, if we get rid of Captain Hero, then Spanky won't have anyone to vote with him! He'll be unprotected!
STAN: I'm not sure... I like Captain Hero. Sure, he's creepy, but he seems to care about all of us!
TOOT: Hello? He has super powers! He is too strong! He's a threat! He can win the immunity challenges!
STAN: Toot... I don't think I've ever seen Captain Hero win an immunity challenge.
TOOT: And if you vote him off now, you never will see him win one. Think about it.
STAN[under his breath]: Oh, man...
STAN(CC): Toot wants me to get rid of Captain Hero, because she thinks he and Spanky are in an alliance, and he doesn't want him to win any immunity challenges. Actually, I think I would rather see Captain Hero win an immunity challenge, because as long as someone other than Spanky wins one, I don't care!
TOOT: Yeah, Stan. If you want a better shot in the final three, you have to take out the biggest threats first. But we need to find a crack in their plan...
CAPTAIN HERO(OS): What?!
SPANKY(OS, shouting): I SAID WE'RE GONNA VOTE OFF XANDIR, YOU MORON!!! ...Oh, sh**...
[A huge smile forms on Toot's face.]
TOOT: Aaaaand I think we've just found it. Remember what I told you, Stan. See ya!
[Toot goes back to the Blue Room, whistling to herself.]
STAN: What am I going to do...
STAN(CC): So, when Spanky shouted to Captain Hero, I found out that he was going to vote Xandir off. Why would they want to vote him off? I mean, are they homophobic?
* * *
[Fast-forward a bit to Stan, in the Master Bedroom, playing his Chinpokomon game. Once again, he is interrupted by a knock on the door.]
STAN[shouting]: Okay, I'll be done in a second!
[Stan quickly saves his game to his memory card, then turns the game off, and opens the door.]
STAN(CC): A lot of people have come to my room today. First it was Wooldoor, then it was Toot... and now it's Captain Hero. They all want to discuss strategy with me. Christ, it seems like everyone wants to use me to win their favor!
CAPTAIN HERO: Um, is it all right if I talk to you, young boy?
STAN: Okay, what is it?
[Captain Hero grabs Stan's hand, and flies over to the living room, where Xandir is talking on the phone again... or rather having another conversation with someone who is not really on the other end.]
CAPTAIN HERO(CC): So I led Stan to the living room, where I got him to listen to Xandir have another pretend conversation with some guy who Stan thinks is one of Xandir's gay friends! Good thing all of this is made up, otherwise you would have seen me defeat Xandir using my... my flashy super powers! Besides, those were supposed to be MY friends! In fact, maybe they still are.
XANDIR[on the phone]: Hello, is this Bugs Bunny? [excited] What's up, doc? ...Oh sure, I'd love to go down your rabbit hole one day! [giggles] But not now, I'm on a reality show, sweetie. Maybe you can show me that cute little dress you wore to trick Yosemite Sam! And I've got a lovely pendant that you can wear with that... next time we meet, I'll show you what it's like! Okay, toodles!
[Xandir hangs up, and then goes back to the Red Room.]
XANDIR(CC): So, I had this conversation which Stan thought was with Bugs Bunny. And boy, is he going to get another traumatic image in his head!
STAN(CC): And now Captain Hero took me to the living room, and he showed me that Xandir was talking to Bugs Bunny on the phone... first Descendant of the Dragon's gay, and now Bugs Bunny's gay? I mean, I have seen some Bugs Bunny cartoons where he wore women's clothing... maybe that explains it all.
STAN[to Captain Hero]: What, another one?
CAPTAIN HERO: Wait a minute... you mean, you saw Xandir talking to one of his gay friends too?
STAN: Yeah, backstage, just before the challenge. He was talking to this one fanfic writer named Descendant of the Dragon.
CAPTAIN HERO: Well, that does it. We've got to get rid of Xandir, then! If it weren't for that guy, I'd be reading Anime Survivor 6 by now!
STAN: Dude, you can't be serious! You want to vote someone off just because of THAT?!
CAPTAIN HERO: Stan, he's gay! He shows off his photo album! He spends hours in the bathroom! He spends hours on the phone! *I* should be the only one in the house doing all those things! He has gotta go!
STAN(CC): Yep, Captain Hero is definitely homophobic all right. He told me that he wanted to vote Xandir off, because, get this... because he was gay. Honestly... I think that reason was weak.
STAN: Well, uh...
[At this point, Wooldoor skips over to Stan.]
WOOLDOOR[shouting]: Hi, Stan!!!
STAN: Wooldoor, what are---
WOOLDOOR[interrupting]: So, Stan, are we voting Toot off or what?
STAN: Wooldoor! I...
CAPTAIN HERO[to Wooldoor]: Oh no, he isn't! He's voting against the gay guy!
WOOLDOOR[to Captain Hero]: He's voting against Toot! We made a promise!
STAN[surprised]: What?!
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, you heard me! We made a promise that we would vote against her!
CAPTAIN HERO: And why would you want to vote against Toot? She isn't gay! ...It's because she's fat, isn't it?
STAN: No, I think it's because she always wants her own way, and she's jealous of the other girls in the house. And she wanted YOU voted off, Captain Hero.
CAPTAIN HERO: What?
STAN: Yeah, because she thinks you're too strong and too much of a threat.
CAPTAIN HERO(CC): I really like how Stan tells me that I'm too strong and too much of a threat. I've never been complimented like that in my entire life... because it's the first time I've been told I'm too strong from someone other than anyone I've ever rescued! Which is virtually everybody but Stan, apparently.
CAPTAIN HERO: Well, in that case, I'm gonna vote against Toot!
WOOLDOOR: Yay!
CAPTAIN HERO: That's right! She's fat, and she's a bitch... plus, I think she has cooties! Let's go, Wooldoor! We've gotta spread the word!
[Wooldoor and Captain Hero exit the living room, and talk to other people in the house.]
STAN(CC): And then, all hell broke loose. Some people are thinking of voting off Toot, some want to vote off Captain Hero, and now some want to vote off Xandir! I tell ya, if Spanky never won immunity, it never would have been like this!
[Shot of Captain Hero and Toot sharing a camera confessional.]
CAPTAIN HERO(CC): Yeah, but this scenario is much better!
TOOT(CC): Uh-huh! And it's more dramatic! And even better, it involves the two of us!
CAPTAIN HERO(CC): Oooh! I love when you talk sexy to me!
* * *
*
*
*
* * *
[It's time for the second eviction ceremony. Just like the first eviction ceremony, we start with a slow-motion shot of the eight remaining contestants walking down the hall to the basement, and the Room of Doom. The table is also set up, with the cels for each of the eight.]
[Eventually, all eight contestants have entered the Room of Doom. Just like before, Spanky is wearing the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe.]
[The eight contestants are greeted by Waitohooru, who comes down the stairs and takes his place in front of them.]
WAITOHOORU: Welcome, everyone, to the Room of Doom. This is the second of six eviction ceremonies that you will be participating in. Tonight, seven of you will survive this ceremony. However, one of you will be sent back to the drawing board.
[Shot of all eight contestants being nervous again... or in the case of the Drawn Together cast, playing nervous. Again.]
WAITOHOORU: You see the table in front of you?
[Waitohooru points to the table with the eight cels on it.]
WAITOHOORU: On this table are eight animation cels, representing the eight of you. As long as you remain in the game, your cel remains in mint condition. However, if you receive the most votes against you, your cel will be thrown into the fireplace and burned, deteriorating its value, and ending your chances of winning the $100,000. In a moment, each of you will go down that hallway, and write on a piece of paper the name of the housemate you want to vote out of this game, then, speak your peace. After you've voted, place the piece of paper in the vase, and then rejoin your other housemates. The only housemate you cannot vote off is Spanky, since, once again, he's wearing the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe.
SPANKY: Yeah, it seems the Spankster is here to stay!
WAITOHOORU: But before we go through with this vote, I have a few questions to ask. First, are there any, shall we say, relationships formed in the house that I should know about?
TOOT: Well, I think I know who has a crush on Princess Clara!
[Silence.]
WAITOHOORU: Really, Toot? And just who is he?
TOOT: Well, let's just say he's in this room, and that he is "a lot closer than you think"!
[Silence.]
WAITOHOORU: Ooookay. Now, I have another question. Who do you think is the most threatening person in the Drawn Together house?
CLARA: You mean, who is a threat physically, mentally, or religiously?
WAITOHOORU: Um, whatever your concept of a "threat" may be.
CLARA: Oh. In that case, all three.
[Silence.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, then. It's time to vote. Spanky, since you won immunity, you get to go first.
[Spanky walks down the hallway, casting his vote. Again, the DT cast members know who's going to be voted off, so they can just write whatever the hell they want.]
[Spanky writes "THE FCC" on his piece of paper.]
SPANKY: I just want my Goatse back. That's all.
[Spanky puts his "vote" in the vase, and rejoins the others.]
* * *
[Shot of Wooldoor voting. Instead of writing, he draws a cat on his piece of paper.]
WOOLDOOR: And I can draw too! See, this one's a kitty! Wheeeee!
* * *
[Shot of Clara voting. She writes "KIM JONG IL" on her piece of paper.]
CLARA: I chose Kim because he worships The Devil. I can't allow him to stay here any longer.
* * *
[Shot of Xandir voting. He writes "GANONDORF" on his piece of paper.]
XANDIR: I voted against you not because you're evil, but because that outfit you're wearing? That is SO 1998.
* * *
[Shot of Toot voting. She writes "McDONALD'S" on her piece of paper.]
TOOT: Super-size me, dammit!
* * *
[Shot of Stan voting. He writes "TOOT" on his piece of paper. Unlike all the other "votes" in this ceremony, his is the real deal.]
STAN: Toot, no hard feelings, but you've been a bitch lately. You've turned people against each other, and I simply cannot have that here. See ya.
[Stan places his vote in the vase, and rejoins the others.]
* * *
[Shot of Captain Hero voting. He writes "JERRI" on his piece of paper.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Because she is a bitch. ...Well, she is!
* * *
[Shot of Foxxy voting. She writes "MICHAEL JACKSON" on her piece of paper.]
FOXXY: Uh, Mikey... it DOES matter if you black or white. Pick a color, and stick with it, boyee!
* * *
*
*
*
[After Foxxy places her vote in the vase, she rejoins the other housemates.]
WAITOHOORU: I'll go tally the votes.
[Waitohooru walks down the hall and reads the votes in the vase. He then replaces the DT cast members' "votes" with seven pieces of paper with a "vote" already written in advance. Stan's vote against Toot, however, remains in the vase. Waitohooru closes the vase, then takes the vase with him and stands in front of the eight contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: Once the votes are read, the decision is final. Whoever has the most votes against them has to leave the Drawn Together house immediately. I'll read the votes.
[Waitohooru takes a piece of paper out of the vase. It is Stan's vote against Toot.]
WAITOHOORU: First vote... "TOOT".
[Toot is very nervous.]
[Waitohooru takes a second piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "CAPTAIN HERO".
[Captain Hero is also nervous. In fact, he's sweating speeding bullets! *rimshot*]
[Waitohooru takes a third piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "CAPTAIN HERO". That's one vote Toot, two votes Captain Hero.
[Waitohooru takes a fourth piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "ZANDER". That's one vote Xandir, one vote Toot, and two votes Captain Hero.
[Now Xandir is nervous.]
[Waitohooru takes a fifth piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "CAPTEN HERO". That's three votes Captain Hero, one vote Toot, one vote Xandir.
[Waitohooru takes a sixth piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "TOOT". That's two votes Toot, three votes Captain Hero, one vote Xandir. Two votes left.
[Waitohooru takes a seventh piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "TOOT". That's three votes Toot, three votes Captain Hero, and one vote Xandir. If the next vote is against either Captain Hero or Toot, then that person becomes the second evicted, if it is for anyone else, we have a tie.
[Waitohooru takes the eighth and final piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: The second housemate to be evicted from the Drawn Together house is...
[Waitohooru shows everyone the vote, which has "C.H." written on it.]
WAITOHOORU: C.H.. That's Captain Hero.
CAPTAIN HERO[disappointed]: Aw, man...
WAITOHOORU: Captain Hero, please take your animation cel, and address the group.]
[Captain Hero takes the animation cel that has his image on it. He takes his place next to Waitohooru.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Well, guys, I... I don't know what to say. I obviously came to this house because I wanted to make a lot of friends... because in the past I've made a lot of enemies. Sure, I defeated them, but... I guess I've learned it is easy to defeat an enemy, but hard to defeat a friend. Surprisingly, I've learned a lot during my short stay in the Drawn Together house...
[Captain Hero looks over the faces of the other seven contestants.]
CAPTAIN HERO: ...and of the seven of you, one of you has really taught me the most! And that person, amazingly enough, is Xandir!
XANDIR: Omigod, really?
CAPTAIN HERO: Yeah... come here, ya big lug!
[Xandir goes over to Captain Hero, and the two of them give each other a heartwarming hug.]
EVERYONE: Awww...
[Xandir rejoins the rest of his housemates.]
CAPTAIN HERO: That wasn't one of the things I learned from him, people! I did however, learn all those cool skills that would come in handy next time my enemies strike, and boy, am I going to be ready for them! Okay, I'm done now.
[Captain Hero gives his cel to Waitohooru.]
WAITOHOORU: It is time. With four votes against you... Captain Hero, your show has been cancelled.
[Waitohooru throws Captain Hero's cel in the burning fire in the fireplace. The fire gradually consumes the drawing, and powerful as he is, not even the tears from Captain Hero's eyes can extinguish the fire that devours the cel.]
WAITOHOORU: It's time for you to go.
[Captain Hero turns back to the group, stares at them with teary eyes, and climbs the stairs that lead outside, and out of the game for good. The other seven contestants wave goodbye to Captain Hero. Once Captain Hero is out of their sight, Waitohooru addresses the seven remaining contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: Captain Hero's things are packed and ready to go. In a moment, he will be leaving the Drawn Together house and returning to... well, wherever he came from. If you will follow me, you can say one last goodbye to him.
[Waitohooru leads the seven contestants out of the Room of Doom and into the living room, where Captain Hero is taking his things with him. A limo waits outside to take Captain Hero to a secret hotel where he and Ling-Ling will be staying at, but Stan still doesn't know that...]
[Captain Hero opens the front door, and goes through it, out of the Drawn Together house for good.]
STAN: Goodbye, Captain Hero! I'll miss you!
CAPTAIN HERO: I'll miss you all too!
SPANKY: I hope we meet again!
TOOT: It just won't be the same without you!
CAPTAIN HERO: I'll be back, I promise you that!
[Captain Hero enters the limousine. The limo drives off into the horizon, taking Captain Hero with it. The superman has finally met his kryptonite.]
STAN(CC): The bad news is, someone other than Spanky got evicted again. The good news is, it still wasn't me. I really liked Captain Hero, but I'm pretty sure that some people in the house were threatened because he's the strongest out of all of us... but if that's a reason they want to vote him off, then more power to them. Other than that, I didn't see anything about him that would make me want to write his name down... okay, so he's an insane pedophile, but I've dealt with those people before.
CAPTAIN HERO(CC): Stan... you are one of the coolest people I have ever met in my entire life. I love you... and I do admit it. But not in that way, don't be silly!
[Flashback shot of Captain Hero cleaning the house with Stan.]
CAPTAIN HERO(CC): One of the things I like about Stan is that he is very true to his word. If he's supposed to clean the house, he does that. The Drawn Together house would never be this clean if this show focused around someone other than Stan.
[Flashback shot of Captain Hero rocking "Raggedy Standy" to sleep in his arms.]
CAPTAIN HERO(CC): And about that question you asked, am I a pedophile? The answer is... no! What are you insinuating? I am no pedophile! I am, however, an ailurophile. That's all I'll tell you.
[Cut back to Captain Hero in the camera confessional.]
CAPTAIN HERO: I was going to challenge Stan to a test of strength, but I think it's a bit unfair, as I would come out on top. Yeah, like this ever surprised anyone. But I do look forward to seeing him on the outside. I'll make up for anything I did wrong to him by taking him for a ride on my back. I'll fly around the world and let him see a whole lot of national monuments. I want him to see them intact because the terrorists could blow them up at any time... which reminds me...
[Captain Hero flies out of the camera confessional, crashing a hole in the ceiling, and causing bits of the shattered ceiling to fall onto the floor.]
* * *
[Cut back to the living room, where Waitohooru addresses the seven remaining contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: The seven of you have endured four days, and there are four days left to go. There are reasons you may want to keep certain people around, but then again, there are also reasons you may want to vote them off. Who do you want to take with you to the end? You may want to think about this for the next eviction ceremony. I'll see the seven of you tomorrow. Good luck.
[Waitohooru leaves the Drawn Together house.]
* * *
[After the ceremony, we see Stan talking to Wooldoor and Foxxy in the downstairs hallway.]
STAN: I'm... I'm really shocked. I was pretty sure Toot was going tonight.
FOXXY: Lawd, it be one of the closest results Foxxy ever seen!
WOOLDOOR: Well, I voted against Toot, I admit that. I didn't want you to feel bad, Stan.
STAN: Aw, thanks, Wooldoor.
WOOLDOOR: Foxxy, who did you vote off?
FOXXY: Well, I voted Captain Hero. Foxxy sho' didn't want him to win any o' them challenges and then beat on that big ol' chest o' his. Sorry, y'all.
STAN: I don't know how Spanky keeps winning these immunities...
FOXXY: Chile, he only won two! There s'posta be, I dunno, five immunity challenges, so next one he loses, he out the door!
STAN: Well, unless Spanky is on drugs or invincible or something, he will hopefully slip up, and then we can have our revenge!
WOOLDOOR: Yeah, revenge will be ours!
FOXXY: Well, Foxxy gone hit the hay. Night, y'all!
[Foxxy returns to the Green Room.]
WOOLDOOR: Good night, Stan! I'll be up bright and early tomorrow morning, because, you know, I'm up bright and early every morning! Wheeee!
[Wooldoor bounces to the Red Room.]
STAN: Okay, good night.
[Stan goes upstairs and goes to the Master Bedroom to sleep. The four days he endured were tough, but the next four days are going to be hella tougher...]
* * *
***END EPISODE 4***
***PREVIEW OF EPISODE 5***
WAITOHOORU(VO): Next time, on Animated Joe Schmo...
FOXXY: Please, help a sistah out...
WAITOHOORU(VO): Foxxy tries to win Stan's favor!
STAN(CC): Foxxy really wanted me to give that to her... I guess she wanted it as badly as I do... so I know how she feels! But I don't know...
WAITOHOORU(VO): It may not be the Bermuda Triangle, but Stan is definitely caught in the Love Triangle!
TOOT: She wanted to sit out the challenge on purpose so she could sit on the sidelines and be in the arms of her new boyfriend the entire time! It's a conspiracy, I tell you!
[Silence.]
STAN: Jesus Christ, dude!
WAITOHOORU(VO): Can Stan keep Spanky from winning immunity a third time?
STAN(CC): Spanky took his pants off, and then he tried to hump me!
WAITOHOORU(VO): And Stan does something he immediately regrets...
STAN[crying]: God... what the hell have I done...
* * *
Author's Notes:
Captain Hero's gone now. So, of course, I'm going to tell you all about him. This guy is Drawn Together's answer to Superman, or any of those other cartoon superheroes. He flies around, and he has his super strength... and of course, that is what got him evicted. Some of the contestants were threatened by him (at least, according to the story I had written for them).
When I matched each of the Drawn Together cast members to the eight actors on Joe Schmo, I matched him up with Earl. Why would I match Captain Hero with Joe Schmo's answer to Rudy Boesch, a seventy-something war hero from Survivor: Borneo (and Survivor: All-Stars)? Well, they both are heroes, and if you've seen them, they can definitely kick your ass in the challenges. They are people you definitely do not want to mess with!
The immunity challenge in the fourth episode of Joe Schmo was indeed the talent contest, however, it had one guest judge, Jerri Manthey from Survivor: The Australian Outback (and, like Rudy, from Survivor: All-Stars). She's referenced in the eviction ceremony, if you look closely. But my version has three guest judges, and if you thought Jerri was cold-hearted to the contestants of Joe Schmo, check out the three judges. Jay Sherman, Ruri Hoshino, and Strong Bad were chosen because they can be very critical, and very judgmental. They all don't like anything that they feel is stupid. The perfect criteria for a stereotypical judge, wouldn't you say?
And no, the love triangle and Waitohooru's crush on Princess Clara isn't parodying JusSonic's rather favorable treatment to certain cartoon characters he likes, keeping them in as long as possible. The love triangle element did exist in Joe Schmo, where Ralph, the host, had a crush on Molly... and Ashleigh had a crush on Ralph. Expect the love triangle to become a running gag throughout the series.
And Xandir talking on the phone? This is a parody of a certain subplot in Freedom Fighter's Roomies where Tai, one of the characters, kept talking to all these older women from various anime shows for some reason (it was explained in the reunion special). I thought it would be hilarious if it were Xandir on the phone, and he kept talking to people who may or may not be gay, for no reason whatsoever. And of course, Bugs Bunny isn't really gay... is he? Well, expect the phone subplot to become a running gag throughout the series as well.
Well, that's it for now. To quote Cub Koda (or Dale Sherman), see you in the record bins!
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Animated Joe Schmo