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ish	By : teakettleandscone Category: +1 through F > Codename: Kids Next Door Views: 6182 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Codename: Kids Next Door, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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chapter 4: operation k.i.c.k.

kuki
is
cross
kilter

"Hey.” Nigel slid into the chair beside Kuki, who was contemplating cropping the photo in her hands and doing her best to ignore her leader’s existence. The room was empty, as it was after school, but for Kuki, whose devotion to perfection in this class went far beyond the norm.

“Soooo…” He tried again. “I guess you’re still irritated about me blowing up at you earlier.”

In response, she silently held up a small, well-drawn doodle of him, mutilated and spurting colored-pencil blood, the words ‘die, Nigel, DIE!’ prominent above it’s severed head.

“Would that be a yes?” Kuki remained unresponsive. Nigel got irritat“I d“I don’t know how to fix the situation if you won’t tell me what’s wrong. Bu, th, the silent treatment? Sometimes you have the communication skills of a five year old!”

“That,” she said sternly, “Is exactly what’s wrong. When are you not insulting me? Do you ever appreciate anything I do? You’re so rude to me!”

“Is this attack Nigel day? Bloody Hell, is it a bloody national holiday?”

“Yes – all Nigels everywhere have to go in hiding to be safe. No one sent you a memo cause everyone thought you deserved it.”

“Clever. Listen – I’m having a bad time of it lately. School’s off, Four and I are – well, and Lizzie and I – screw it, everything’s going to hell.” He tapped his fingers on the table savegly, as if he wanted to bore little holes into the cheap faux wood with his nails. Kuki set her photo on the far counter and walked back over, leaning against the table.

“Hey, what IS up with you and Lizzie?” Her tone was interested, but not very sympathetic.

“It’s – kind of private.” Kuki sneered. “ “That’s right, don’t trust Kuki. Don’t tell stupid little Kuki anything, she’ll just screw it up, she doesn’t NEED to know–”

“What the hell is–”

“I found out why I got on your team in the first place, last week.”

Numbuh One’s throat went dry. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he tried. “Assignment is based on testing into the team, based on compatibility and the requirements of the team. You know that – it’s standard procedure.”

“So is the Language Quota. Picking favorites isn’t.”

The language quota was the iron guide of the multinational organization. At least half of any team had to be bilingual. HQ operated on English, so all team members had to speak that, but out of a team of five, at least three had to have working knowledge of a secondary language. It was a basic necessity for continent-hopping, flexible teams. After Nigel had passed Command Training with flying colors, he was assigned the prestigious and difficult San Francisco base, aka Sector V.

In picking out a team worthy of the command, he had a huge choice of operatives to pick from. Unfortunately, few of them were bilingual. He himself spoke Gaelic from his father’s time at the University of Edinburgh. It was a pretty useless language, but it did count. Plus, when 86 swore at him, which was often, he knew exactly what she meant.

Abigail’s had been the first name to catch his eye. From her time with the Parisian Team, she’d already compiled an impressive record. Now that her father was, like his own, being transferred to Berkeley, she needed a new position. With her experience and skills, he was only too happy to make her his Second. Hoagie, already living in the area, was rumored to be the next big thing in TwoxFour Tech. As the area was difficult to defend, Nigel needed a technical expert at his back. A corporate expansion brought many new businesses into the city, one of which hauled an Australian family, complete with one potential agent, across the world.

Though the boy, one Wallabee Beatles, had no experience, his profile was so impressive that Nigel thought he needed him on the team. This was highly atypical - usually familiarity with the organization would have been necessary before being placed on one of the world’s most hazardous bases. Unfortunately, this overbalanced Numbuh One on the Language Quota. The Moon Base accepted Gaelic as widely spoken enough to qualify, but Wallabee’s smattering (i.e. five swear words and ‘I did NOT steal your sheep!’) of aboriginal languages were deemed useless. In order to keep Wallabee on the team, Nigel needed another member.

Unfortunately, the only other bilingual KND operative in the area was Sanban Kuki. Reluctantly, Nigel added her to his team roster. He wasn’t impressed by her track history, which was not only lackluster but littered with failures. Nigel took Kuki on to keep Hoagie and Wallabee, and reminded himself of this, gritting his teeth, every time she flubbed a mission or generally worsened the Team’s situation. He tried to put the conditions under which she joined out of his mind and focus on her positive qualities: when not giving them vacations, she had a knack for Hamster maintenance. Sometimes her unorthodox solutions were successful. In time she’d become quite useful, in her own way, and Nigel had near forgotten what a sacrifice including her had initially seemed.

Being reminded of it now was startling. He’d never meant for her to know, and it was extremely hurtful information.

“I didn’t pick favorites. You – you had your own positives.” He fudged the truth. “Anyway, how the hell did you find out?”

“Last week, you had Numbuh Two do computer maintenance and Defense Upgrades simultaneously. He delegated the system sweep of old info to me. It’d been long enough for your personal files from the inception of the team to be declassified for deletion by the system. I came across the personnel files – all the notes you’d made as you designed your team. You’re so unreadable sometimes, and – and I like it when you approve of anything I do. It doesn’t happen often, so, though I shouldn’t have, I opened mine. I wanted to find out what you’d thought about me.”

“But I’ve know you for years, what was in there, it doesn’t mean anything anymore.”

“It does.” Kuki started to cry. “You know it does. Five and Four got such glowing little remarks. Even Hoagie did. What did I get? Shit! It’s like your parents telling you that you were an accident, but worse because you ARE being rejected based on who you are as a person, by people you respect and care about!”

Nigel didn’t know what to say. Really, what could he say? At least she didn’t know she’d failed the Testing to get into the TND. He’d told Command he wanted her for the sake of team unity, and, being Nigel Uno of Sector V, gotten what he wanted. She’d been the only member not to pass – she’d been declared too immature to handle being a TND operative. He’d presented them with an ultimatum - He got to keep his whole team, or the organization lost their most promising operatives in years. All five of them. What was worse, he’d not done it for Kuki’s sake – he just was more comfortable with the team as it was. He hadn’t even consulted the others, being fairly sure Command would give him what he wanted. Maybe Kuki had failed because the TND really wasn’t for her - maybe she would have been happier doing something she wasn’t so obviously ill-suited for. But that wasn’t quite right.

“Numbuh Three,” he tried, “You’re a good agent. You weren’t what I was initially looking for, but maybe that was my fault. Since your first mission, I’ve nocontcontinuous improvement. There have been times when you and you alone have saved the team. Remember the lice?”

“My one shining moment was standing against the LICE? Jesus, that’s sad!”

“And what about the ice cream factory, eh? Your creative thinking–”

“I severed up an ice cream party that one time, but most of the time, I’m the one getting Served!”

Nigel blinked, not understanding the reference, but went with it. “Better an ice cream party than a pity party. Look, I’m telling you, the team values you. If you need to hear it fifty times, make yourself a recording.”

“Could you be any more of an ass, Numbuh One? I don’t need a lot of validation, but occasionally, I’d like not to come in last in the race to be Best-In-The-Team.”

“And sometimes,” He said, very gently, catching her eye, “you come in first, you really do. Okay?” He handed her a handkerchief.

“You–” she sniffled “Ac-Actually carry around a handkerchief. Oh Nigel, you’re so out.”

“I’m so WHAT?”

“Nothing, misspoke, so what are we getting for dinner?”
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