Swallow The Moon | By : GhostHelwig Category: +1 through F > Ed, Edd, and Eddy Views: 9539 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Ed Edd and Eddy, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
I’m so tired of writing these. But anyway…
Disclaimer – I don’t own Ed, Edd N Eddy or “Man And Wife, The Latter (Damaged Goods).” The Eds belong to the Cartoon Network and the song belongs to The Desaparecidos.
Rated R for sexual situations. If you don’t know by now, this is a slash story.
Anyway… thanks to darthelwig for the inspiration.
Now, on to the most important thing – the story. Enjoy. Peace, all.
Damaged Goods
Eddy watched Double D out of the corner of his eye, studying, wondering. It had been two weeks since the party, and though the bruise had healed, their relationship had not. Eddy was starting to wonder if it ever would.
“I’m growing out my hair…”
Maybe he was wasting his time. If Double D really wanted to give up, to leave, then maybe Eddy should just let him.
“Like it was when I was single.”
But what would his life be like, then, without Double D in it? class=GramE>With Double D not in it at all, since Eddy couldn’t imagine him sticking around after the tragedy that was their romantic relationship?
How had he let this happen, anyway? It wasn’t supposed to be like this. But he’d had an awful fight with his parents about his grades, one that had led them to comparing him – in a less than stellar light – to his perfect and long-absent brother, and when Double D had comforted him he’d taken all the comfort Double D had been willing to give.
It hadn’t been much, that night. Kisses that maddened him, a gentle hand on his back and another on his leg that made him want more, and a stolen caress beneath Double D’s shirt that sent shivers down his spine even now. But he’d gotten more since. Much, much more.
“It was longer than I’d known you.”
class=GramE>So many memories. He didn’t know what to do with them all. And the newer ones, the ones that involved smooth hot skin and a sweet wet mouth – how did they fit in with all the others? It had been so different when they were younger, when they were innocent. He wouldn’t go back, but sometimes it was tempting to wish that he could want to.
“I had no money then…”
He knew good ol’ Sockhead didn’t see it, but he was a different person than he’d been then. He still loved jawbreakers – he doubted he’d ever stop – but they were no longer the be-all and end-all of his life.
He didn’t even want to know what was.
“I had no worries then at all.”
Such a simpler time, though he never would have thought so then. What with the endless bad luck, the unrelenting Kankers, and the constant threat of people like Kevin and Sarah, he’d thought his life to be hopelessly complicated at the time. But then, he’d been very young.
Yeah, like you’re so old now, he thought. Just because you feel old doesn’t mean you are.
“Such a high standard of living…”
He shot another surreptitious glance at Double D, who was slumped over at his desk, his shoulders rounded and his head lowered. Eddy wanted to shake him, to wake him from this cold, to drag him kicking and screaming back into his life.
But he didn’t do anything.
“I just feel like I am dying.”
This was ridiculous. God, he wanted Double D so bad, wanted to pull his head back, pull off that stupid hat to reveal the hair he loved so much hidden beneath, and slide his lips over the exposed flesh of his throat. He wanted all that so much…
But he just sat on Double D’s bed and died instead.
“I’d start an argument but you can barely even talk.”
Never having been a patient person, he tried yelling at Double D only a week after the disastrous party, hoping that unmitigated and unprovoked anger would stun Double D into getting out what he needed to so they could move on. All that happened was that he succeeded yet again in making Double D cry.
“There’s good reason for your silence.”
He knew he deserved this. That was the worst part. He deserved it, but the fact that Double D gave it to him made him want to scream with rage. Where was the forgiveness, the understanding he’d grown so used to getting from Double D? Or had he used it all up?
“Have to take care of some business.”
This was pointless, utterly pointless. Why was he even still here? Maybe he should just leave and go visit Ed.
Not that Ed seemed all that much better off, lately. Just yesterday he’d broken down in tears and flung his arms around both of them, moaning something about music being gone. Double D was concerned as well as confused, but Eddy found that, as much as he loved Ed, he didn’t have the energy inside him to be concerned or confused about anything but his own life at the moment.
Double D shifted in his chair, and Eddy’s heart rose – and then fell when he said nothing. But if Double D wanted quiet, he could give him quiet. He could be the quietest broken man in the world.
“So I fix your plate and I stay out of the way.”
Eddy yearned to take the few steps necessary that would get him off the bed and into Double D’s arms. He yearned to move. But he couldn’t seem to get himself anywhere.
If Double D was frozen, then so was he.
“Will you stay like that forever?”
His body was ice. Yes, that was it. Because ice couldn’t feel, and he didn’t want to. It wasn’t quite the same, but it would have to do.
And ice melted, eventually. Double D had melted him once. And now Double D was freezing him again.
“Right in front of your computer…”
He could almost feel himself turning cold, feel his teeth locking together. Soon, it would be all over. No more feelings. No more pain.
Better to be frozen solid than the puddle Double D had been turning him into.
“You’ll look up one day…”
And then Double D looked up. Looked at him.
“…but you won’t recognize me.”
Double D studied Eddy for the billionth time, as if staring into his lover’s eyes or his face would provide him with the answers he sought. He knew he should know better.
But he had to try something, because he had to discover the truth.
“So you want to change.”
Did Eddy love him? Could he really? Could love be hidden and dismissed and even mocked in public, and still be love?
And moreover, was that the kind of love he wanted?
“Read a letter from a lawyer.”
The whole cul-de-sac was buzzing about that stupid party and all its supposed revelations. Double D found he couldn’t care much. So all the others knew he was gay - that was hardly a big surprise, was it? He was so stereotypical it hadn’t even surprised him much.
And that gossip wasn’t nearly class=GramE>so interesting to him as the truth.
It had changed his life, class=GramE>though, he had to admit that much. Sarah wouldn’t even look at him, wouldn’t acknowledge him when he greeted her, but that didn’t surprise him, either. Crushes could wound the heart even easier than love at times.
As for the others, some snickered, some stared, but he avoided them all. He’d wanted to apologize to Sarah, but she wouldn’t let him, and as far as he was concerned that was all he owed to the kids of the cul-de-sac.
“Want to take me out to dinner.”
Except Ed. But Ed didn’t understand the whispers, and so Double D was free to put off telling him. Which he did, because when he finally told Ed the truth he wanted to be able to tell him all of it.
“You want to bury me under a mound of shopping bags.”
He and Eddy managed to act halfway normal towards each other when in Ed’s presence, though they’d already been getting a lot of practice at it, for they’d never told their big-hearted friend what they did together, what they were to each other. Double D had managed the charade by pretending the lover who desired, devoured, and dominated him each night was a demon prince Ed and Eddy had never met. The ruse shamed him, but not nearly so much as what he had inadvertently done.
“Like it’d really make a difference…”
Eddy sometimes seemed to have forgiven him. A look here, a touch there – with the exception of that unfortunate and one-sided shouting match that had reduced him to helpless tears within seconds, Eddy was kinder to him now than he’d ever been. Except perhaps when they were laying in bed at night, before it had all gone wrong, and Eddy would simply stroke his hand or place sweet little open-mouthed kisses on his chest, asking nothing, demanding nothing, denying nothing…
Mentally he shook himself. Yes, all seemed to be forgiven.
But Double D just couldn’t forgive himself.
“…or make up for your disinterest.”
And Eddy… he couldn’t forget how it felt to have Eddy’s fist crashing into his face. He’d already forgiven, but he could not forget.
“I’m a bill you pay.”
But was it right keeping Eddy here, tied to him, when he was so mired in all the things he couldn’t do? He studied Eddy’s so-dear face, trying to commit his every cell to memory. Maybe he should just let Eddy move on.
“I’m a contract you can’t break.”
Without even intending to he found himself on his feet.
“And it’s like I’m underwater…”
Was he moving closer to Eddy? It was hard to tell. He was trying to, his feet were, but Eddy seemed so very far away…
“…or on an endless escalator…”
He was in front of Eddy now. Eddy’s eyes were very, very wide. Double D was sure that Eddy had never looked more amazed, not even the first time Double D lay naked and vulnerable and wanting in his bed.
Nor had Eddy ever before looked so beautiful.
“…I just go up and up but I don’t ever reach the top.”
Without knowing why or how Double D was suddenly reaching for Eddy, and letting himself get pulled down onto the lap he knew so well. Clothing ripped and breaths caught and his hat was yanked off his head without him noticing. This was all he wanted right now. One last time before the end. That was all.
“And it reads just like the Bible…”
Two weeks going without after months of being with caught up with them, and Double D found himself trembling and half-incoherent. He was vaguely, almost innocently pleased when he realized that Eddy was trembling, too.
It would be years, though, before he realized that the extra-salty taste on his tongue when he kissed Eddy was caused by their tears.
“…twenty centuries of scandal.”
This was all much quicker and rougher than Double D was used to. He knew that Eddy had always been very careful with him in bed, knew that their collective inexperience contributed to that, but still he was unprepared for the change he felt in his best friend. Everything Eddy did felt desperate, like his tongue and hands and limbs were clinging roughly because that was the only way they knew how to cling and that was what he needed to do.
Not that Double D blamed him. He knew his fingernails were digging into Eddy’s back, possibly deeply, probably painfully, but he couldn’t stop himself. God, he needed this so bad…
“Yeah, it all depends on how you interpret it.”
Eddy pushed inside him with a small moan. To Double D it sounded like a sob.
In his ear Eddy whispered one small word.
“Stay.”
“The word is LOVE.”
Double D’s eyes went wide, and in the dark depths Eddy saw his answer.
“The word is LOSS.”
Eddy bit his lip, but instead of speaking (what words were left?) he moved his hips, thrusting into Double D, who cried out and closed those amazing eyes of his. Eddy wanted to tell him that he was beautiful, that the wanton portrait he made with his head thrown back and his lips parted slightly was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen, but words such as those didn’t come easy to him even in the best of circumstances. So instead he reached to stroke the silky skin of Double D’s throat with reverent fingers.
“The words are DAMAGED GOODS…”
“Look at me,” Eddy whispered. “Look at me, Edd. I want to see you.”
“That’s what I am.”
Double D didn’t want to, he knew he didn’t deserve to, he didn’t deserve any of this beauty, but he could not deny Eddy’s direct request.
He opened his eyes.
“A lifetime gets chalked up to an experience…”
Eddy looked in Double D’s eyes, and thought of the recently healed bruise. His insides twisted.
“Coincidence…”
Double D looked in Eddy’s eyes, and thought of how he had accidentally betrayed him with his worst enemy. His insides burned.
“We’re chained to the events.”
But Eddy kept thrusting, and Double D kept rocking, and it could’ve been almost normal. It could’ve been.
But when Double D closed his eyes again, Eddy let him.
“That’s it.”
Outside, Ed sat in a tree beside Double D’s upstairs window and listened. That song was all wrong, all twisted. He knew Eddy and Double D had waited too long – now they couldn’t make their music the way it should be. They’d forgotten.
And then finally, finally, it hit him, and he nearly fell out of his tree. They hadn’t forgotten their tune, they’d changed it, and he didn’t like it at all. If he hadn’t been crying, he would’ve climbed in the window to tell them to change it back.
After all, he didn’t think they really wanted to be singing their swan song.
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