Watermelon Snow | By : pronker Category: +M through R > Penguins of Madagascar Views: 2673 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I make no profit from this fanfiction using the Penguins of Madagascar characters owned by Dreamworks. |
"Another giant worm off the assembly line! Here's how I did it," gloated Blowhole. Ten minutes later, everyone's eyes glazed over except for Kowalski's. He kept nodding and nearly burst out with a question for Blowhole until Rico nudged him. He twitched and resumed mumbling to himself.
Blowhole had a captive audience in Sasquatch and he knew it. "A transposon is a DNA sequence that can change position within a genome, i.e., jump to create or reverse mutations. The cell's genome size gets altered as much as yours and my worms' did. Class II transposons encode the protein transposase which they need for insertion and excision. E-e-e-e-e-evolution for the win! We masterminds alter DNA inside a living organism, and viola, ordinary worms explode into giants and you became a new kind of animal. You may applaud."
Sasquatch snorted, a small bit of sass that boded well for her general mood. She seemed heartened by having a friend living with her, and Skipper couldn't fault her for that. "A result that I asked for, received, and now you need to reverse since my commission as your assassin has ended. It doesn't get any easier waiting day after dreary day even when you explain your methods."
Blowhole harpooned his minion with an expert's aimed putdown. "Evolution may deactivate DNA transposons, leaving them as inactive sequences. If I wanted to, I could use my Nepal lab to blast your vertebrate cells to evolve you into who knows what. You'd be even farther from your original kind."
Sasquatch ran a hand over her bristling sagittal fur. "Go on. You love hearing yourself spout hot air." She disguised a disgusted shake of the head as a chance to spy on her interim herd. Skipper came away from the end of the manger to make drawing out gestures. After crossing her arms, she nodded to Blowhole to continue as if she knew she were in for a long lecture.
"Because I'm in a good mood tonight, I'll let you get away with that remark. Very well. Here's the skinny." By the way that Sasquatch's head swiveled, Skipper supposed that Blowhole rode his segway back and forth and the background swirling around the iPhone's transmission distracted her. He must be in a fairly large area if he could pace, figuratively speaking. If he were scientifically excited to talk a lot, so much the better. Loose lips sank ships. Dolphins had thin lips, but oh well.
"Mutagenesis means that a transposon jumps into a gene and produces a mutation inside living organisms such as my worms and oh right, you," Blowhole rhapsodized. "Excessive transposon activity could result in RNA interference so you'd risk becoming a genetic muddle with inactive stretches of genes and oh gads, the genetic splicer works best on plants so you may have wound up a kudzu! Ma-a-a-a-a-agnificent! Blowhole, you genius! You kept your subject within the same kingdom!" Skipper couldn't see Sasquatch's face at this news and didn't want to. She remained stoic as Blowhole talked himself away from delusions of grandeur into lauding the bonesaw set into Dave's surgical table. After a while, the dolphin with the doctor's degree from the internet displayed his skewed version of a bedside manner to his one time patient.
"You won't be the same as before, you realize, because it would take too much time to clone your discarded bits, like your --- "
"I never expected to be exactly as before." There was sorrow and strength in Sasquatch's words. "Not even you can work miracles."
"Far from it." Well. Humility was unexpected. As Skipper suspected, it didn't last long. Imaginative curses that he'd never heard before came next. "Gotta go. We may need to move the lorry. Ciao." Grab onto him, Skipper projected at her with all his might, and don't let him leave. Act interested and do it now. At the moment, he wished he were a sasquatch himself. He could think her through proven interrogation techniques.
Sasquatch canted one hip and splayed a hand on it while riffling her cheek fringes with the other. She cocked her head. "Stay awhile longer, can't you? You've never told me your experiences that led you to where you are today. I'm fascinated." She shifted her weight to cant her other hip and switched hand positions. She jerked as if hearing a strange sound and added a coquettish twirl of chin whiskers.
Skipper caught movement out of the corner of his eye and snapped his head around. On the fringe of their group, Hugo rubbed his forehead and mouthed indistinct words while shimmying his hips like Ringtail warming up his congada.
Kowalski, Rico, and Private smiled broadly. Skipper shrugged a "What is it?" at them. Rico responded by placing one flipper on a hip and mincing in a circle, batting his eyes. Private couldn't keep it together. He leaned into Kowalski's chest gasping until Kowalski tucked him under his flipper as the young penguin shook silently. Hugo gave them all a dirty look. The orangutan flashed a hand gesture in what Skipper recognized as sign language and since it wasn't ASL, he felt at sea. He hated feeling at sea when he wasn't even allowed to get wet. He rubbed his chest as he strained to understand her technique.
"Today's your lucky day. The patrol car drove right on by. Hmmm, where to start? Once upon a time not too long ago, an innocent dolphin performed three shows a day in an American aquatic park. He little realized that his glorious destiny and his accomplished past were clouded by the Dark Side that is a certain pen-gu-in who has paid the full price for his heinous crimes. That's Skipper, in case you --- "
"I get it. I get it." Sasquatch replaced her impatient tone with a more congenial one after more mutters from Hugo. "Continue, I'm dying to hear more."
"Our dolphin friend wasted months performing and when he became the park's second most popular attraction, he nearly busted his proverbial buttons with pride. Pathetic, right?"
Oh. This was flirting. In Skipper's wide experience, it took reams of confidence. Did she have it, that was the question. "You were only second? That shouldn't have been! Who was first?"
Blowhole burbled his exhale in the disgusting way that made their beaks itch. "Two disabled pen-gu-ins who worked in unbelievable tandem in their routine. In fact, they reminded me of Skipper's boresome foursome's teamwork. I forget their names, but they milked their wooden leg and crippled flipper bit until I got sick of it. The cretin humans didn't, though. Right before I busted out, the pair made poster pen-gu-ins for Handicapable Habitats Hub and you're stalling me, aren't you."
"No." She didn't stammer, good on her. "I'm actually interested." Oh ho, Skipper had heard this one on dates more times than he wanted to admit. Now she ought to deploy Routine Number Five: When Speaking With A Techhead, Seize The One Term You Know And Run With It. "So Blowhole, you say that I may be a plant a month from now?" Right on the money, lady.
"I don't want it to happen, so it won't. Have a little faith in me, m'kay?"
"Oh sure, sure. Go on with your backstory, please."
"Dolphin Boy gets his genius back, returns to his jim dandy base complete with brilliant plan for ruling the world with assistance by Parker The Platypus, and the pen-gu-ins happen again. Big apocalyptic boom, Dolphin Boy is adrift with his minion on a flotsam raft." The team leaned forward to hear the part of the story they didn't know. "That's me and him, in case you ---"
"I guessed."
"I'm not dead of starvation because Parker fished for me. Have you ever tried to pick out individual fish from a school with just one eye? It's not easy frijoles, baby, and my laser beam just charcoals them. I told Parker I'd pay him on spec from my next scheme if he'd save my life. He did, bless his mercenary heart." Blowhole's mood soared with a prolonged cackle. "When we split up in Cuba, let me tell you the Cubans goosed up their patrol boats when they saw a raft going into their fair country. I dove off it to follow a fishing trawler heading home to Bangladesh and ate what dropped from their nets, Parker made landfall on a beach in Holguín, we keep in touch by coded Tumblr gifs, next question?"
"How do you stay so humble?"
Hugo moaned and dropped his hands to his sides.
Blowhole's tone was noncommittal. "I see you're bored. Let's save continuing this epic until we're on the artic. Don't want to peak too soon, ness paw? Then we'd have nothing to talk about on the trip."
"Hugo will be able to understand you more than I can. He's quite intelligent." She was playing herself down and Hugo up, accompanied by confirming that Blowhole was no more planning on securing Hugo's transport than he was performing tricks for little Swedish Princess Leonore's fifth birthday party. Skipper sat back to observe interrogation skills blossom.
"Uh-huh. Right." For a megalomaniac dolphin, he sounded shifty. "'Bye now, old lady."
Sasquatch managed not to lose her poise. "Goodbye, Blowhole."
IOIOIOIOIO
TBC
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