The Pain Game | By : hummerhouse Category: +S through Z > Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Views: 4701 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
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As soon as Michelangelo and Raphael stepped into the lair, Donatello came rushing towards them, towels draped across his arm. He offered one to each of them, hurrying into speech before either of his brothers could say anything.
“Raph I’m so sorry,” Don said in a slightly breathless manner. “I was just trying to prove something to Mikey, I didn’t mean to foul things up between you two.”
Patting his face dry, Raph said, “Ya’ didn’t, Donny. I managed to do a fine job of that on my own. That . . . stunt ya’ pulled turned out to be the wake-up call I needed.”
Don glanced from Raph to Mikey, who didn’t even try to hide the contented expression on his face. Looking back at Raph, Don asked, “So you and Mikey . . . ?”
“We straightened stuff out,” Raph told him.
“And we came home to talk to you guys about it,” Mikey added.
He could see Leo standing in the living area, watching them but making no move to approach. Master Splinter stood nearby, his countenance displaying an expectation that Mikey knew meant their father wanted to see an end to the discord between his sons.
Movement from off to the side drew Mikey’s attention and he turned his head to see Leatherhead standing in the doorway to Donatello’s lab.
“Leatherhead!” Mikey called out. “What are you doing here?”
After he said it, Mikey realized that his words sounded a little rude. The large crocodile did not seem to notice as he started towards the trio. His eyes made the rounds from Mikey and Raph to Don, before returning to his perusal of Mikey.
Stopping next to Don, Leatherhead said, “Donatello contacted me after you three split up to search for Raphael.”
“I thought Raph might have gone to see Leatherhead,” Don supplied. “While Leo and I went up to search the rooftops, LH offered to check a couple of places in the tunnels where he thought Raph might have gone.”
“Your brothers were quite concerned about you Raphael,” Leatherhead said with mild reproach. “As I have learned through past errors, running away does not solve problems.”
Mikey looked at their crocodilian friend with astonishment. It was unlike him to be so outspoken when it came to their family interactions.
Then Mikey noticed Don surreptitiously touch Leatherhead’s arm, the movement seeming one of intimate familiarity rather than simple friendship. It lasted only a second, but it was enough to raise questions in Mikey’s mind.
“He was worried,” Don said as if to ease the sting of Leatherhead’s words. “We all were.”
“My apologies,” Leatherhead said sincerely. “This is a family matter.”
“There is no need for apologies,” Master Splinter said, taking a few steps closer to the group but stopping midway between them and Leo. “To us you are family, Leatherhead.”
“I thank you,” Leatherhead responded with a polite bow. “Perhaps though it would be best if I were to take my leave and allow the brothers some time to themselves.”
“Don’t go yet,” Don said hastily, looking up at the croc. “You shouldn’t walk back by yourself, not with the flooding and all of the city crews in the tunnels.”
Mikey could see how Leatherhead’s gaze softened whenever he was looking at Don and he wondered how he’d never noticed that before. “I could wait for you in your lab,” Leatherhead suggested. “It would give me an opportunity to review the schematics you have created.”
“That would be great,” Don said. “I don’t know how long . . . .”
When he trailed off, unsure how to finish, Leatherhead said, “Take as long as you need, I am in no hurry.”
As Leatherhead made his way back to the lab, Mikey had an epiphany as to why their friend had come so close to actually chastising Raph. Leatherhead had seen how worried the genius had been and was reacting protectively to Don’s fright.
The door to the lab closed behind Leatherhead, a diplomatic gesture that would ensure the turtles had privacy. Don turned around and walked back towards Leo, snapping Mikey out of his reverie. He could ruminate later about Don and Leatherhead, right now there was something of much greater importance that had to be handled.
Together Raph and Mikey approached their father. Master Splinter patiently waited for the pair, his eyes bright and knowing.
“Master Splinter . . . I’m sorry I ran out earlier,” Raph said quickly, just glancing at his father before lowering his head.
“Ahh Raphael, you have always had such difficulty with your anger,” Master Splinter said. “At times you have allowed it to cloud your mind so that is becomes your worst enemy, an internal one. Am I right in assuming that you have chosen to allow Michelangelo to assist you in facing this enemy?”
“Yes Father,” Raph said, his voice low but steady.
“Good,” Master Splinter told him. When Raph lifted his head in surprise, his father said, “You and I will talk of this later, now a more urgent conversation must take place. Come with me.”
Mikey thought they might be going to Master Splinter’s room, but instead his father took them into the living area where Leo and Don were standing next to each other.
“Sit down, all of you,” Master Splinter directed. When his sons hesitated, he said, “Now, please. Leonardo, take this chair.”
Patting the top of the armchair that he usually preferred, Master Splinter indicated that Leo was to sit their instead. Standing behind the chair, their father watched as Leo did as he was told. Once Leo was seated, Don lowered himself onto the end of the couch nearest his oldest brother. Raph chose the chair directly opposite Leo’s and Mikey took the other end of the couch, placing him within arm’s reach of his lover.
Glancing around at his sons, Master Splinter nodded once. “This will do nicely. None of you is to move until you have all opened up to each other about any secrets you have been keeping. You will remain where you are, even if it should take hours, to discuss all of the problems between you. Is this clear?”
“But Master Splinter, Leatherhead . . . .” Don began.
“Is astute enough to realize he may have a long wait. How long will depend on how forthcoming the four of you are,” Master Splinter said. “I say four because I am going to my room. I am your Father, not a referee. If you are old enough to engage in adult activities, you are all quite old enough to find your own resolutions to any problems that might result.”
All four turtles stared at him and saw the small, satisfied smile on their father’s face. Master Splinter turned away, walking towards his room. Before he was out of their sight, he looked back and added, “I will know if any of you attempts to leave without accomplishing the task I have just set before you. Trust me when I say you do not want to tempt my ire. I have had enough of the squabbling.”
With those final words, Master Splinter made his exit. Mikey heard the door to his father’s room open and close. At that moment Mikey felt like he was eight again, fighting with his brothers until a promise of his father’s retribution made them all straighten up.
Silence engulfed the brothers following Master Splinter’s departure. The turtles looked at each other, none of them seeming to know how to begin. Mikey watched as Raph and Leo finally stopped looking around and focused on each other. The pair appeared to be engaging in a staring contest and Mikey decided it was time to break the impasse before those two got into an antagonistic mindset.
“So . . . Master Splinter said no more secrets,” Mikey began. “Raph and I have something we want to tell you guys.”
He glanced at Raph, offering him the chance to speak. Mikey saw Raph’s jaw work from side to side, the way it did when he was forced to give ground on something, even though doing so went against his nature.
“Ya’ both know how much I’ve always liked being around Mikey,” Raph said. “Sure he pulls crap and is an attention hog, but he’s fun and exciting. I guess I kinda felt different about him from early on, like a special sort of feeling ya’ get around someone ya’ want to be with. Ya’ get me? Like be with in a way that ain’t exactly brotherly.”
When Raph hesitated, glancing at Mikey, the younger turtle picked up the ball. “Raph and I are together, as in a couple. You know, the kind that kisses and has sex and stuff,” he paused to look at his brother’s faces. “And before you ask for details, forget it. I’m not the kind to kiss and tell. Well, technically I do kiss and tell, but that’s all you’re getting out of me.”
“Thank you for being up front about it,” Don said as soon as Mikey stopped speaking. “I had of course figured that out on my own but it’s nice to hear you and Raph say it aloud.”
Mikey looked at Leo expectantly, as did Donny. Leo was frowning but it wasn’t the expression he got when he disapproved of something, it was more concentrated as though he was following a train of thought.
“Have you two gone over all of the possible ramifications of something like this?” Leo finally asked.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Raph shot back with a touch of belligerence.
Determined not to let their discussion devolve into a fight, Mikey intervened. “Leo, why don’t you just tell us your concerns so we can address them? It’ll be faster than playing ‘guess what’s bugging me’ or even twenty questions.”
“All right, I will,” Leo said with resolve. “Just because you can have sex doesn’t mean that you should, especially with your brother. Convenience, opportunity, physical compatibility, and lack of other options are not reasons to engage in sexual relations with a sibling.”
Raph’s low growl was audible to Mikey, who looked at him and almost imperceptibly shook his head. It took a second, but Raph’s shoulders relaxed, the combative look on his face easing a bit.
“What Raph and I feel for each other didn’t just happen, Leo. It evolved over time. Raph realized he was into me way before I thought of him that way, but he kept it to himself. My interest happened all on its own and Raph tried to discourage me at first. We finally hooked up not just because it felt good, though I gotta say that it does. We committed ourselves to each other ‘cause it was right,” Mikey said earnestly.
“I managed all these years not to play favorites during the battles we’ve had with the Foot and the Purple Dragons,” Raph interposed. “I ain’t gonna start doing that now. One of the things I love about Mikey is that he can handle himself. If you’re worried this is gonna screw up our team, forget about it. Ain’t gonna be a problem.”
“You’ll forgive me if I’m cautious,” Leo said bluntly. “My experiences over the years with you have been rough at best. When I issue an order you don’t like, am I going to have to deal with not only you balking, but Mikey doing the same?”
“I’m his lover, not his puppet,” Mikey said. “If I have questions about what you want us to do, they’ll be my questions that I think up all on my own. It’s not like I always follow you blindly anyway.”
“Which is another reason I love him,” Raph couldn’t resist saying.
“And you wonder why it is I remind you that I’m the leader,” Leo snapped, straightening in his chair. “I don’t do it to rub it in your face, I do it because you give me zero respect.”
“Ya’ want to talk respect?” Raph asked angrily. “Ya’ haven’t shown me any since the day Master Splinter handed ya’ those blades and said ya’ was the leader. It ain’t any surprise that I resent the shit out of ya’ for taking on that role. It fucked us up!”
“So you figured the best way to deal with that resentment was to pin me down and choke the life out of me?” Leo asked harshly. “The idea of getting rid of me was so good that you were getting off on it!”
“Ya’ can’t put that on me, it wasn’t part of what happened between us,” Raph said. “Hell that was back when a strong breeze coming through the tunnels and hitting my crotch would make me pop a woody. Ya’ were twisting around under me, rubbing against me, and my damn body reacted. Ya’ got away from me and called me every fucking name under the sun for it.”
“How did you think I’d react?” Leo exclaimed. “At the very least you showed that you despised me! You weren’t just hurting me, you were trying to hurt me, and I could tell from the look in your eyes that you were enjoying it. There were bruises on my neck, Raph. Every time I looked in the mirror I saw those bruises and they reminded me that you had wanted to choke the life out of me.”
“That thought never crossed my mind,” Raph insisted. “Yeah, I knew I was hurting ya’, but to me it felt like payback for all the hurt I was feeling. Ya’ got the job as leader and that was fine. Sure I wanted it too and I busted my ass to be a better fighter, but ya’ worked harder than me and ‘cause of that ya’ got the nod. Soon as that happened, ya’ didn’t act like Leo anymore.”
“I couldn’t,” Leo said, leaning forward. “When Master Splinter gave me the job he also told me all of the responsibilities that went along with it. Like the fact that it was all on me to keep you guys alive. That every decision I make could put you three in peril and that I might even have to sacrifice one of you to save the others. Hearing Master Splinter say that was like he put this giant weight on my shoulders. All I could think of was that if I screwed up, even a little bit, I could lose one of you.”
“Leo, that’s . . . that’s so much pressure,” Don said softly. “Almost too much. You should have talked to us about it.”
“And burdened you with what I had volunteered to take on?” Leo asked, looking at Don. “How would that be the right thing to do? I wouldn’t even be talking about it now if I didn’t want Raph to understand that I wasn’t on a power trip. Everything I’ve done, everything I’ve said was because I wanted to protect you, Raphael. I never wanted to control you, I only wanted to get you to see how some of the choices you make don’t just affect you.”
“All I ever wanted to do was protect ya’ guys too,” Raph said earnestly. “We ain’t gonna always agree on how that gets done but making me feel like crap with the things ya’ say ain’t a good way to get your point across.”
“When that thing happened between us, I shouldn’t have reacted by calling you names,” Leo said, sounding regretful. “I’ll admit that I wanted my words to do more than sting, I wanted them to cut you. I was afraid that at some point you might attack me again because you hated me so much and I said what I did to ensure there was never a reoccurrence.”
“I don’t hate ya’, Leo. Damn, ya’ get under my shell like nobody’s business but I don’t hate ya’. I didn’t hate ya’ then, I was just friggin’ pissed that we weren’t friends anymore and ya’ had started lording it over me like ya’ was suddenly that much fucking better than me,” Raph said.
“I wasn’t trying to do any of that,” Leo said. “All I wanted to do was prove to Master Splinter that I took my responsibilities seriously. I felt like he was watching me all the time; that if I goofed off or didn’t push you guys he’d come down on me for not doing the job I’d been given. I couldn’t be a kid anymore. There was no time to play because I spent every waking hour trying to learn everything I could. I never knew when or from where danger would come and I needed to be ready for it.”
Mikey kept his mouth closed and avoided making movements that might draw Leo or Raph’s attention. They were talking to each other, really talking, and unless they needed a contribution from him, he wasn’t going to get involved. Don seemed to feel the same way because other than the one compassionate comment, he was remaining silent.
“It wasn’t just the names ya’ called me. The thing that got to me the most was how ya’ threatened to tell Master Splinter that I was sick and deranged.” Raph paused, his facial muscles twitching as he worked to control his emotions. “That threat’s been hanging over my head for years. Ya’ want to talk about your burdens? Try living with something like that. I never knew when ya’ might decide I needed to be banished and I’d suddenly lose my whole damn world.”
“I would never have told him,” Leo said quietly. “Not in a million years. Not even when I saw the marks start to appear on Mikey’s skin and guessed what was going on between the two of you. I regret that I never told you that before now.”
“Ya’ had the chance to say it when ya’ cornered my ass in the dojo,” Raph told him. “Ya’ sure as hell said plenty of other stuff, like how I should leave Mikey alone.”
“It didn’t occur to me to bring that up,” Leo said. “My focus was in trying to learn if my suspicions were true. My mind equated danger with lust when it came to you because I only had my own experience to go on. All I’ve seen is how Mikey angers you and how you retaliate with such violence.”
“Dude, do you think I’m that brain dead that I’d keep messing with Raph if he was really hurting me?” Mikey asked incredulously, choosing that as a good time to say something. “I picked on him because I wanted his attention and getting popped a couple of times was worth it. He never hit me as hard as he could and I knew he wouldn’t.”
“And before ya’ bring it up, let me do it first,” Raph said. “That pipe incident was a one off. There was a lot of shit going on in our lives, especially with losing our old lair and starting to spend time topside. Every time we went up, ya’ went overboard with the orders and the lectures and it had finally got on my last nerve. Mikey’s usual antics just set me off. I still replay that minute when I was holding the pipe over him and I honestly think I’d have dropped it without hitting him.”
“So do I,” Mikey said swiftly. “When we’re together, Raph always stops the second he thinks anything’s wrong. He likes to see what I can take and I like to see what he can dish out. We have rules and we both follow them. It’s all about trust bro’. I trust Raph completely.”
“They derive sexual enjoyment from something called sadomasochism,” Don explained, looking at Leo. “It’s a type of domination and submission, were one partner takes a lead role in deciding what he will have his partner submit to. For Raph and Mikey, it involves an element of pain.”
“I can call a stop to it any time I want,” Mikey said. “We take all kinds of precautions and I don’t ever get really hurt. I know that’s what you kept trying to warn me about, Leo. All that talk about Raph’s demons and stuff was your way of telling me that Raph gets off on causing pain. Thing is, I like the pain. It gets me off too.”
“It wasn’t just physical pain I was talking about when I was trying to give you a heads up, Mikey,” Leo said, his brow furrowing. “My concerns were deeper than that; I was afraid that Raph couldn’t return the level of affection you would start to look for. Your heart is big and I knew that there was no way you could become sexually involved without feeling something for Raph. I was worried that you’d fall hard for him and he’d cause you the kind of pain that could destroy you, that it would leave you jaded and cynical or worse, it would break your spirit. I couldn’t stand that thought.”
“We had a rocky start for that very reason,” Raph admitted, looking at Mikey before setting a hand on his arm. “I was scared to let myself love him when he did say he wanted to be with me. I was sure I was gonna fuck it up ‘cause I never had any hopes that I could be with Mikey. Didn’t think he’d see me like that, didn’t think he’d swing that way, and I sure as shell didn’t think I deserved to have him. Still don’t, but he disagrees and I ain’t arguing with him.”
“Wouldn’t be any point to that ‘cause I’m right,” Mikey said complacently. He was warmed by Raph’s touch and thrilled that Raph was showing a side of himself that he rarely let anyone see. Mikey liked the thought that it was his influence that was helping Raph to be so forthright about his feelings.
“I think I’m actually envious of you two,” Don said, smiling at the pair. He looked over at Leo, leaning towards him as he said, “Mikey and I have talked a little about his intimacy with Raph. I’ve researched the fundamental dynamics of the particular kink they enjoy and it isn’t dangerous if done in a proper environment under specific conditions. What it boils down to is they both like being in control but in different ways. Just because Mikey submits doesn’t mean he is helpless; he’s deriving his pleasure from gaining Raph’s approval and commanding his full attention, something he’s always seemed to need.”
Leo turned his focus to Don and for a moment it seemed as if they were silently communicating. Then Leo looked back over at Mikey and Raph.
“I don’t know that I now or ever will understand what the two of you enjoy doing together, but the truth is I don’t have to,” Leo said. “Not as long as your involvement with each other doesn’t alter the dynamics of our team or the way we operate in a fight. I can’t ignore my own doubts and your words aren’t going to diminish them. The only thing that will do that is time and the things that do occur in future battles.”
“That’s fair enough,” Mikey said before glancing at Raph. “Isn’t it?”
Raph cleared his throat before answering. “Yeah, guess I’d be thinking the same thing if I was Leo.”
“For a time I’m going to be picking and choosing the conflicts we’ll engage in topside,” Leo said. “We’ll be avoiding anything major until I get a handle on how you two operate given your new connection.”
“This business with Hun and the restaurant thing, I’ve been checking to see if he’s applied for a license but nothing so far. Suppose he does pop up again, are we going to pursue it?” Don asked.
Mikey coughed, his eyes meeting Raph’s. With a sheepish look, Raph said, “Forget that whole thing, I made it up. I needed time alone with Mikey to talk through some stuff and couldn’t do it at the lair ‘cause Leo was all over us, so that Hun stuff was a lie.”
Both Leo and Don were silent as they stared at Raph, making Mikey worry that they were mad, but then Don chuckled.
“I didn’t know you could be so deceptive,” Don said.
“I’m a ninja,” Raph said with a shrug. “My favorite part’s the fighting, but I can pull some of the other skills out of my bag of tricks when I need to.”
“How about I promise not to be ‘all over’ you two if you promise no more lies or secrets?” Leo asked. “Maybe we can talk things through like this rather than my arguments with you, Raph, escalating to the point where you run out of the lair in a fit of temper.”
“I can get on board with no more lies or secrets,” Raph agreed, “as long as I don’t have to promise not to get pissed off at ya’ from time to time. That’s asking too much.”
“The next time could you just hit me?” Leo asked. “You have no idea how much I worry that something might happen to you when you go racing out of here.”
“That’s a deal,” Raph said with a cocky grin. “Hitting ya’ don’t ever get old.”
“Something I’ve been wondering,” Don interjected. “Where do you two go when you’re having your encounters?”
Mikey and Raph studied each other for a minute before Mikey raised and lowered his shoulders slightly, indicating that the answer to Don’s question was to be left up to Raph.
“We’ve got a place,” Raph answered carefully, shifting in his seat. “Ain’t far from here, it’s well hidden, it’s fortified, and it’s totally secluded. That’s all I’m gonna say about it and I ain’t gonna show it to either of ya’. That place belongs to me and Mikey. It’s safe and that’s all ya’ really need to know.”
Remembering the lineman’s phone, Mikey took it off his belt and passed it across to Don. “The place could use a couple of extra touches,” Mikey said. “You still have any of those old landline phones that still work?”
“So you don’t have to use your shell cells while you’re in your ‘secret place’?” Don asked, his brown eyes twinkling with amusement. “Sure, I’ve got a couple you can choose from.”
“Damn that reminds me, I’d better call Casey and tell him I ain’t lost no more before he gets a bug up his butt,” Raph said, setting his hands on the arms of his chair preparatory to rising. “Is this therapy session over with or what?”
“I want to say one last thing,” Leo told Raph before his brother could get up. Taking a deep breath and releasing it, he said, “I apologize for what I said to you four years ago. I didn’t mean a single word of it. It was just a defense mechanism that kicked in because I didn’t know any other way to handle the situation. Can you ever forgive me?”
Mikey noticed that Raph’s hands had tensed, his grip tightening on the chair arms. After a second or two they relaxed and so did Raph.
“Yeah. Same question back at ya’. I’m sorry I got so fucking violent over nothing but my own damn hurt feelings. I had a lot of growing up to do then and there’s still room for improvement,” Raph answered.
“The same goes for me,” Leo said. “Let’s try to pick back up on that friendship we had so many years ago, could we? It would mean a lot to me.”
He stood up and used his foot to push the coffee table out of the way. As he did so, Raph also got up. When Leo moved towards him and offered his hand, Raph met him halfway and they shook hands.
“This is stupid; what are we, business partners?” Raph asked gruffly before pulling Leo against him and wrapping his arms around his older brother.
Leo seemed stunned at first but then quickly returned the hug. Mikey watched them for a moment and then looked over at Don.
“Aww, I think I’m gonna cry,” Mikey said with an impish grin.
Raph pulled back from Leo and scowled at his lover. “Shut up knucklehead.”
With a laugh, Leo patted Raph’s shoulder. “Go make your call to Casey before he shows up here. Don, you’d better collect Leatherhead and walk him home. We shouldn’t keep him waiting any longer.”
Mikey popped up off the couch. “I’ll walk with you guys, if that’s okay Donny.”
There was a hint of playfulness in his tone that Don didn’t miss. Narrowing his eyes, Don said, “Sure Mikey. Glad to have the company.”
“One more thing,” Raph said. Stepping over to Mikey he grabbed the sides of his younger brother’s face and planted a kiss right on his lips. “That’s all the PDA you guys are gonna see, but I had to get it out of my system.”
Swiping Mikey’s shell cell from his brother’s belt, Raph walked towards the staircase as he punched in Casey’s phone number.
Smiling happily, Mikey looked at Don and Leo. “Nope, uh-uh. That is totally not all the PDA you guys are gonna see. Raph just doesn’t know that yet.”
His brother’s groans just made Mikey smile that much wider.
TBC………………
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