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Kiss of Fire	By : Spleef Category: Avatar - The Last Airbender > General Views: 75165 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Kiss of Fire
Chapter Thirty-Six - Secrets
o0o0o0o
Katara
The blackness that surrounded me was filled with blue flame and lightning. When I woke up with a scream, I was in my bedchamber, Sylid hovering over me and checking my pulse among other things as a couple of my servants hovered nearby. He jumped back at my shriek, but immediately recovered himself and nudged me back down. The terror I had felt in my dream haunted me into waking, and I looked around wildly.
“My lady... what is the matter? You are safe!” Sylid said in a gentle but firm tone as he pressed my head to my pillow.
“I... well... what happened? What's wrong with me?” I asked as soon as I was sure I could form a coherent phrase.
“You fainted. The guards were summoned by Kuzon's screams for help and brought you back here while one was sent to fetch me. You were moaning and thrashing around.” The pads of his fingers lifted from my wrist. “What happened on your walk? Did something shock or startle you?” he asked.
I couldn't think of a real reason why I might faint, except for the faint recollection of being hit by lightning, only it had never happened in my life. Yet... it was the exact same feeling I had when I woke up from a dream, or even a daydream, the kind of feeling that urged me to record it in my journal. But none of my previous 'recollections' had ever made me so terrified, or had ever felt so real and vivid.
“I just felt... lightheaded.” I replied, not wanting to tell my physician that it was a frightening... 'daymare' that had caused me to faint.
“Well, your pulse and breathing are both strong. And you have not been out cold for more than a half-hour. Have you been eating enough lately?”
“No more or less than I always have.”
“Anything stressing you out?”
“I handle all my duties as usual. Life goes on.”
“You're sure there's nothing you can think of that might have caused you to faint?” he asked gazing at me as if he knew I had something else on my mind. Mutely, I shook my head.
“Do you feel light-headed now?” he asked. Again, I shook my head.
“Is there anything at all that feels amiss? Wiggle your fingers and toes, please.” He watched as I quickly did as he asked. He nodded in satisfaction.
“It is most likely a case of exhaustion. I know that you have a productive schedule, but take it easy for today, my lady? Have some tea, read a book, play a game, nap. You should be better by tomorrow. Summon me if you need me again.” he bowed his head and as he did, I saw the Fire Lord in the doorway, his face looking ashen.
o0o0o0o
Zuko
I was fortunate that I had been in a small meeting, rather than Court, when the servant found me. I wasted no time in hastening to Katara's apartments, all kinds of frightening possibilities racing through my head. Even when Sylid assured me that it seemed to be nothing more than a case of simple exhaustion, I remained concerned. I took a seat next to the bed, staring at my wife. She gazed back at me quietly. A servant set down tea, and I dismissed everyone. The door closed quietly, and I reached across the blue comforter to take my wife's hand.
“What happened?” I whispered. I had been told that she and Kuzon had walked to the coronation plaza before she fainted.
“Kuzon and I were looking for a place we had never seen... and then we found the cactus garden.” she murmured. I felt my heart skip a beat. It wasn't the new plaza she had been to... it was the old one. Where she... No. I shook my head.
Why hadn't I done more to change the old plaza, to destroy it when I knew that Katara was rather sensitive to her past and any little thing could trigger the memories I was trying hard to suppress. After Katara had died, I had ordered the whole plaza to be stripped of ornamentation, and pomp. Apparently that wasn't enough. I would order my Earthbenders to raze the whole place and take down everything and just level out the whole space. I refused to let the shadows of the past haunt my wife, damnit! I quickly snapped myself away from these thoughts as I squeezed her hand again.
“What happened?” I pressed, wanting to see if she had any understanding of what had just occurred.
“I felt dizzy and fainted.” she replied, glancing off at the wall. I set my jaw, recognizing that she was hiding something from me.
“Tell me what's wrong.” I whispered, leaning in and kissing her hand.
“I just... had a weird feeling, and it made me light-headed.”
“Weird feeling?” I had to struggle to keep myself from sounding too demanding.
“It's nothing.” she replied, quickly looking away. I knew without a doubt that she would go back to the old plaza as soon as she could, to try to figure out her old memories. I set my jaw, resisting the urge to press forward. Suddenly, inspiration hit me.
“I'm moving our vacation to Ember Island up. We leave tomorrow.” I stated firmly. It had been scheduled for a couple of months later on, when the weather was warmer. We had been planning to go last summer, but then Enki had tried to kidnap my wife and son, so I had put it off until the next year, but I would just move it up. Ember Island was nice no matter the time of the year.
“My lord!” Katara said as she looked back at me, her eyes slightly wide.
“We've all been working very hard, and could use a break.”
“I'm fine, really...”
“My decision is made.” I replied softly, kissing her hand again as I gazed at her. She offered no argument.
o0o0o0o
Katara
I had never been to Ember Island, even though I had heard enough about it. It sounded like a nice place to go, and I had been looking forward to a vacation, and being at the ocean.
But what interested me more was my husband's reaction to the bit of truth that I had offered to him. It was the gleam in his eyes, the gleam that he had whenever it concerned the ever-elusive secret about me that my husband always refused to divulge. I would say nothing more of this to him. I would try to go back to the old plaza tonight if possible, or tomorrow, before we left for Ember Island. Now that I knew what to expect, I should be prepared if another flash of memory came back to me. I was certain that this time I would not faint. I just had to know. For the last year and a half, I had to live with this secret, and I was determined to find out what it was.
“I'm hungry. Will you eat with me?” I asked him to distract him from whatever he might be thinking.
“Gladly.”
o0o0o0o
Kuzon
“I want to see Mama!” I stated firmly as I crossed my arms. As soon as the guards had come for Mama, some had taken me back to my room. I definitely wasn't happy about that.
“The doctor needs to attend to her and find out what is wrong.” Neomi said to me in a soft voice. I liked her a lot better than my old nurse. Neomi was patient and when I had questions, she would answer them. If there was something I wanted to do, she'd let me do it, unless I had something else to do, like lessons to go to. But I was so worried that I couldn't be patient, and twisted my face into a scowl.
“I am the Prince! I order you to let me go see her!” I replied, trying to sound as firm as my father did.
“It's not my command that keeps you here, Kuzon.” Neomi said as she laid a hand on my shoulder. “I know you're worried about your mother, and that's why Sylid needs to attend to her first. Perhaps you would like to paint a picture for her?” she asked. I let out a soft sigh, and she squeezed my shoulder.
“You were very good, calling for help when you did.” I heard a different voice say. I looked up to see Father, and Neomi and I both bowed to him. He waved his hand, dismissing my nurse to the other room.
“How is Mama?” I asked.
“She is fine. She was just a bit exhausted, that's all.” he replied. I let out a relieved sigh.
“Yeah, I feel the same way.” Father said as he smiled a little.
“What is exhausted?” I asked.
“It's like... being tired, but being very tired, from being so busy or working a lot.” he replied.
“Then why don't you just say she's tired?” I shot back. He chuckled softly and placed his hand on my shoulder, nudging me to come with him. I followed him down the hallways as we talked.
“Well, we use the word exhausted to describe someone who is very, very tired.”
“Like when I was sick?” I asked. It had been a year, but I still remembered by fever.
“Exactly.”
“Do you ever get exhausted?”
“Sometimes, when I have a lot of Court matters to deal with. The best way to keep exhaustion at bay is to make sure to take time for yourself to rest.”
“What if my lessons make me exhausted?” I shot back.
“Well, if you have that feeling, you can talk to me or your tutor. But you better have a good reason for saying you are exhausted.” He smirked a little, and I smiled back. I enjoyed walking and talking with him.
“You know, we all have been working very hard lately. Am I not correct, Kuzon?” he asked. I nodded. I had worked very hard at my lessons, and was progressing through the books that all Fire Nation children were taught by. Sometimes something was hard to understand, but Mama and Father both taught me to ask my teachers questions if I was having a hard time, rather than pretend as if I knew, just so I could move on. That would only make lessons harder for me later on, they said. And they were right, for when I studied something hard, it made it easier to understand and apply to later lessons.
“Well, your tutors report to me that you have been making excellent progress. You know as much as children a few years older than yourself. I am proud of you for being so diligent.” Father continued. I felt so proud to get such praise from him. He was only just a teeny bit more generous with praise than Jeong Jeong was, so it meant a lot.
“Thank you, Father. I'm glad to know that my efforts please you.”
“I'm not the only one who should be pleased with your hard work.”
“Mama's pleased too?” I asked. He shook his head.
“Yes, she is happy, but who's doing all that hard work? Your tutors?” he teased. I laughed and shook my head.
“The most important thing is that you keep trying, for the sake of yourself. What's all that hard work if you take no pride in it?” he asked. “You will become Fire Lord one day, and it is something that you need to be proud of, as I am.”
“I hope I will become a good Lord like you.”
“As long as you do your best, you will.” He squeezed my shoulder. “But since you've been working so hard, you deserve a break.”
“No lessons?” I asked. Such a thing was almost unthinkable. I had them every day, except that time I was sick, or a couple of days during the summit last year. Father nodded.
“Remember that trip to Ember Island I was talking about?” he asked. We had been supposed to go last summer before Enki caused that huge mess. I nodded.
“We're leaving tomorrow.” he stated.
“Yeah!” I was unable to stop myself from being so excited. Father didn't seem to care that my behavior was not too dignified at that moment.
“Now, how would you like to see your mother?” he asked. Of course, I said yes!
o0o0o0o
Katara
The sun had gone down, and the Palace was quiet. My husband had not yet retired for the night, so I was alone. I felt all better, and decided that after spending the afternoon in bed, I was quite rested enough! And I had to do this before Zuko came, or he would without a doubt stop me from what I wanted to do. I lifted the blanket and slipped out of bed, feeling the soft rug under my feet as I looked for a pair of slippers. The servant that had been sitting by the bed hastened to my side, trying to nudge me back onto the soft mattress.
“My lady, the physician said that you needed to rest, and the Fire Lord backs him.” Hinode said as she looked up at me.
“I have been in bed all afternoon, and I shan't get any sleep tonight unless I get some fresh air.” I replied briskly.
“I'll open the windows for you, my lady.”
“I'm going outside.”
“The Fire Lord has specified that you stay within your apartment until we leave for Ember Island.”
“Fetch a pair of shoes and one of my winter jackets.” I replied, ignoring her statement. She stood there for several moments, her hands at her sides.
“I gave you a command, do it!” I said in a firm tone. Who knew when my husband might be retiring for the evening and come in here before I could make my escape? She turned around and fled my bedchamber. I took the opportunity to use the washroom, and when I came out, Hana was waiting for me. I stared at her silently.
“My lady, if you're bored, I'd be more than glad to play a game with you, or tell you a story.” Hana said as I stalked across the room, angry that my shoes and coat had not been fetched.
“I asked for shoes and a jacket, not for someone to keep me inside.” I replied. When she opened her mouth, I cut her off before she could admonish me.
“I don't want to hear about how my husband thinks I need to stay inside. I'm going for a walk, and I want my damn shoes and coat!”
“I could walk with you along the hallways.” she offered as way of a compromise.
“Outside.” I replied flatly.
“To your garden?” she asked. I shook my head slowly. Her eyes widened slightly in realization.
“But why would you want to go back there?”
“Because I want to.” I replied simply. She looked down.
“It would be no use going there, my lady.”
“... Why?”
“As soon as the Fire Lord left your side, I heard him placing an order for the place to be destroyed immediately. The Earthbenders have already moved the plants and leveled the place..” Hana replied as she looked back at me. I felt anger bubble up inside of me, anger that I had not felt for so long. I swallowed it back, feeling it burn in the back of my throat. Whatever Zuko wanted to hide from me, this only made me all the more determined to find out.
o0o0o0o
Zuko
The morning dawned bright, with barely a cloud in the sky – the perfect kind of weather to use an airship. Our luggage and supplies were being taken to Ember Island by a small but fast ship, but I thought it would be nice to start off our vacation with a ride. Katara and Kuzon had never been on one, so why not give them a treat?
Kuzon sat in her lap as they stared out the window, enjoying the view of the ocean and islands. The air was cool and crisp, and I went over to my family, sitting next to them on the padded bench. Katara said nothing though Kuzon regarded me with a bright smile. I smiled back until he looked out the window again before my face settled into a somber expression. Last night, Katara had been unusually quiet. When pressed, she just said that the shock of fainting still left her a bit tired. But she was hiding something from me, and I would have to keep an eye on her to make sure that things were fine. I placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. She looked back at me, saying nothing, clearly waiting for me to speak first.
“Feeling better now? You seemed so down last night.” I whispered as I placed a kiss on her temple.
“Yes... I am feeling rather better now.” she murmured, her eyes unreadable as she gazed at me.
“That's good to know. When I first heard that you had collapsed, I was so worried. My heart was pounding, and I could barely think. I never want to lose you.” I replied, squeezing her shoulder again. Her eyes softened, and I was relieved.
o0o0o0o
Katara
I had heard of this place and knew what to expect in general, but I most certainly didn't expect to be struck by that harrowing familiarity I felt at times when I glanced upon the bungalows and palm trees, the waves crashing against the gray sand as the balloon made its way towards the island. But this time, I didn't feel dizzy or faint, and I sat there calmly, holding Kuzon, and not resisting that feeling. I opened my mind as I did when I meditated, and was surprised at how good I felt.
The house was considerably smaller than the Palace, yet it beat out all the other bungalows I had seen along the shore. Servants were still hastening around, scrubbing the floors and moving around furniture for our impromptu arrival. I parted from my husband's side and wandered through the house silently, taking comfort in the familiarity I felt and welcoming anything that might come to mind.
It delighted me that we had a private beach. Even though we would have guards and servants here, living here would be considerably different than the hustle and bustle that came with Palace life. I could see and hear the ocean every day and swim in it anytime I pleased. I was in heaven.
It was true that I was furious after hearing about the old plaza being leveled, but I had enough time before Zuko came to bed to wind down, and think about what I was going to do. Every time I argued with him over this kind of thing, he refused to give in, and I would only feel frustrated. I had no desire to go through that again, so I would deal with this on my own. After all, if he wasn't going to help me, then I would help myself, damnit. I had brought my journal with my personal belongings, and would be making entries in it whenever I could.
“It's a wonderful place, isn't it?” Zuko murmured as he came up behind me. I smiled a little and nodded.
“Too bad we can't live here forever.” I replied.
“Then this place wouldn't be as special.” he shot back as his arm snaked around my middle. I smiled faintly.
“Well then, we'll have to keep this place as special as possible, won't we?” I shot back lightly. He gave out a contented murmur and nuzzled the side of my face before taking my hand and leading me upstairs.
The master bedroom had wide open windows, all of the shutters hooked back, and the ocean breeze blew through the room, causing the gauzy drapes and the matching fabric of the canopy to flutter gently. The large bed was done up with fresh linen sheets and a red comforter, looking inviting and comfortable. The ornate carvings and grand pillars that was a staple of the Palace were not to be found here. The luggage that belonged to my husband and me were already up here, being unpacked by servants and put away in the armoires. When I approached the windows, I saw that this room must command the best view of the house, for the ocean spread out in front of me in an vast expanse.
“I take it this room meets the Fire Lady's approval.” Zuko murmured as he came to the window.
“It's awesome.” I whispered.
“Awesome? I like hearing you talk like that.” he chuckled.
The Fire Lord and I would be sharing the large master bedroom, instead of going through the trouble of setting up separate apartments. After all, we were on vacation, and had no secret passages to sneak around for our nightly trysts. Kuzon was to be in the room that a Fire Lady or Consort usually occupied, and when I came in, he was jumping on the bed while Neomi stood at the side, her expression a curious mixture of amusement and concern. He stopped when he saw me, but I merely laughed.
“My cousins and I would jump on my uncle's large bed, when I was your age. These were the good old days.” I teased as I approached the bed.
“It's wonderful here! I like it better than the Palace!”
“So do I.” I said as Kuzon latched himself around my neck and waist, having made it to the edge of the bed to do so. I laughed as I wrapped my arms around him. He was getting rather big! It was almost hard to imagine how small he had once been, how more easily he could cuddle into my lap whenever he needed comfort. I was sad to think of him getting too big to hold and cuddle because he was my son, but he was growing into such a fine person.
When Kuzon and I came out of his bedroom, we walked down the elegant staircase and headed outside, a brisk wind picking up our hair and whipping it around. I took comfort in the familiarity that surrounded me and took a deep breath, seeing this place as an opportunity to unwind and learn more about myself.
o0o0o0o
Zuko
I could not help but notice how at ease Katara looked when we sat down for dinner. I had been a bit nervous about taking her to Ember Island because of our past here – but here, our memories were happy. Better here than her going back to the plaza. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, and she was vibrant – a far cry from the quiet and thoughtful Waterbender I had woken up to this morning.
I had only been here a couple of times after Katara's death, when Uncle had insisted that I retire to Ember Island for time for myself and to unwind. But with no one to share the magic of the island with, such vacations weren't worth remembering. I idly listened to Kuzon talking about his day and how he was already enjoying himself so much here.
“I'm happy that you're having the time of your life, but here is a rule that you must remember and always follow – when you want to go outside, it must be with your mother, your nurse, or myself. Do not go wandering alone.” I stated firmly, not wanting him to fall down one of the small cliffs, or to get sucked away in the undertow.
“As you command, my lord.” Kuzon replied. I nodded. Even though I was his father and embraced the role, I still needed him to know that I was his lord, especially in matters of such importance as his safety and welfare.
o0o0o0o
Katara
After Kuzon was tucked in for the night and I had taken a shower, I walked into the bedchamber wearing a thin red silk nightgown and a thicker robe over it. Right before my shower, I had jotted everything I could think of in my journal, so I was assured that my thoughts were safe and would not be forgotten in the morning. I still wondered at how quickly my anger had turned to calm determination, but I recognized that I would progress better with it, so I simply went with the flow, so to speak. One thing was for sure – Zuko would get what was coming to him... whatever it was.
I looked down to see him meditating on the beach, a flame in each outstretched palm. He was shirtless despite the crisp night air, and I admired how the fire illuminated his toned body. I was torn between admiring him and showing him just how much I admired him, and demanding answers from him even if I had to bind him in water or ice.
I was in bed by the time he was ready for bed, and I was quiet, my back to him as I felt the mattress shift under his weight. A soft sigh escaped his lips as he settled into the bed, draping an arm across my middle.
“The ocean air suits you well.” he murmured, his lips against the side of my neck.
“I am a Waterbender, you do remember.” I replied lightly. His chuckle was soft and warm.
“How could I ever forget?” he asked as he trailed his fingers along my stomach, stroking it through the silk that covered it. I had to stop myself from stiffening as he gave me a tummyrub.
“You're not hurting anymore, are you?” he whispered.
“No, Zuko. It's over.”
“Mmm... good. Because I have been hungry for you.” The gleam in his eyes left no doubt to his statement, and I offered no resistance as his touches became more ardent. Outwardly, I enjoyed what he did and encouraged his touch. Inwardly, my thoughts ran to another matter entirely.
My monthly time came with regularity, so my husband was eventually able to guess which days I would not be feeling well. But during the last two months, my bleeding had not come. I had drunk my herb tea as I always had, so I was not sure how I came to be in this situation.
I had no idea what to do, and was terrified of what might happen. I had heard the tale of the rivalry between Iroh and Ozai, and between Zuko and his own sister. Hatred between siblings could start too easily in the royal family or the great Houses, where the firstborn – or favorite – usually got all the titles and privilege while the others got smaller inheritances. The last thing I wanted to do was give my son an enemy, or give my husband any reason to worry. What would Zuko do or say if I told him? This was the burden I had been carrying for nearly two months now.
I let out a soft moan when his hand slid along my bare belly. He didn't even know that under his hand was his son or daughter. He gazed at me as his hand crept lower, and I blushed as I looked away.
He had his secret, I had mine, but in the end, both would come out in the open. I wasn't sure whether to look forward to it or dread it.
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Kiss of Fire