Adult-FanFiction.org : Cartoons

White Noise
By : RWBYRemnants
Category: +M through R > RWBY
Views: 1666 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: RWBY is not mine and I make no money from this fic
Chapter List
- 31
- 32
- 33
WARNING: Mental health issues. Suicide attempt. Transphobia. Family arguments.
I AM SERIOUS. PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER IF ANY OF THAT COULD TRIGGER YOU.
NOTE: Whoo boy. This was as hard to reread and edit as it was for us to write the first time... and very tempting to take it out or make it less awful. But I decided to leave it as is. I think it's more impactful for people who haven't had to deal with mental health issues of their friends and family, to maybe help them understand what can happen when someone is going through something like what happens in this fic. The US Suicide Prevention Hotline can be reached at 1-800-273-8255 or online at Suicidepreventionlifeline.org . For a list of international numbers, go to http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines . Please reach out if you ever have thoughts like those.

=Chapter 32
For Yang, everything had spiraled out of control. Far more than it ever had before. She tried to seek help, had tried to do as Blake asked and go to see a counsellor, but when she got to the door… she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to go inside and admit she needed help. At the same time, she couldn't tell Blake she didn't go, either. She'd let her down enough.
The past week had been awful, getting drunk and sometimes high alongside every moment she could. Blake had more or less been at Sun's every night, expressing to him how stressful things were back at home while Yang was there. She knew why, and understood. But it made things no better. Not when Blake had been making significant strides to try and help Yang, which she seemingly threw aside when Yang more or less resigned herself to not caring about putting in the effort anymore.
For three days straight, she had been late for work, and growing ever sloppier with her duties. But the last straw had been when she was asked to serve and ended up in a fist fight with a customer over an unpaid tip. Even though she knew in her gut said victim had said something very personal about her that she didn't have to take, and it wasn’t right for the jerk to get away with that, it had the same result. She was fired, ordered to leave the premises immediately.
The additional unintended punishment was her having to deal with her own thoughts at home. Which wasn't going well either, judging by the fact an entire six pack had gone from the fridge, its remains scattered around her room. Another hit of weed on top of that, and Yang might as well be dead to the world. At least, that was what she had hoped.
That horrendous thought was growing more and more appealing. What if she was? She wouldn't have to deal with these emotions anymore, nor would anyone else have to put up with the burden of looking after her. Blake would be free to roam her own apartment again, Ruby would be free to talk to Weiss as a friend, and Weiss would be free to move on. As she lay on the bed and blankly stared upward at the ceiling, she continued to wonder if there was a point, any positive aspect of continuing her life. And in her drunken and high mind, she was beginning to come to the heart-wrenching conclusion: there was none.
First thing was first, she picked up her phone, calling Ruby. Part of her hoped that she would pick up, while another one hoped she wouldn't, so she wouldn't have to face that choice. But she did not. And so left a heartfelt voicemail before hanging up. But then she noticed another contact in her scroll, one she thought she had no need for until now.
Winter.
Of course, the one that started all this. The one that left her with no choice but to leave Weiss's company, in a manner that ensured Weiss would hate her forever, and with words that made her hate herself forever. All of this was her fault, the hatred, the self-loathing; none of it would exist if not for her. And she wanted her to know that.
"Hey! Guess who it is?!" Winter wasn't really there, it was her voicemail, as expected. Nobody could be bothered to pick up for useless old Yang. But as she held the phone and stumbled around the room, collecting various things she needed, she continued her slurred and angry rant. "I just wanted to call to tell you, you did it! I hit rock bottom! I'm everything you said I was so you could get rid of me! Yay for you!"
As she managed to hold the phone to her ear with her shoulder, she was quickly writing a note to Blake, a shorter one, with kinder words and more apologies. The opposite of the message she would leave for Winter. "You did this to me. Nobody else, just you. I tried to pull myself out of this pit, tried so so hard to at least live on as who I am. But you ruined that for me, too, didn't you? Made me question myself, how I look, made me hate my body again just when I was finally happy with myself. Every time I come close again, I hear you, calling me a circus freak, saying I'm disgusting. That Weiss deserves better. Well I agree, congrats!"
Now that was done, she was getting on to the part she was not looking forward to. Set up. She had the method planned out, but continued to rant that bit longer on the phone as she collected the thin blanket and rolled it up as tightly as she could, setting up a stepstool beneath the sturdy light fixture she had been eying for weeks.
"I don't know how long it's going to be before you hear about what's happened to me, what you made me do to myself, but I want you to know this so you don't ever do it to anyone else. You did this. You're the one that pushed me this far… you might as well have been here in person to put the noose round my neck or shove the pills down my throat. But whenever you're about to go to sleep at night, I want you to remember that. See you in hell, bitch."
And then she hung up the phone, tossing it alongside the note she had left for Blake.
Last task. Climbing onto the stool and tying one end of the sheet up against the light fitting, she stared at the noose end in her hand. Inches away from slipping it over her neck, inches away from the end. The end of her suffering… was she really ready for this? Done exploring every other option? Yes. As it stood in her hazed mind, there was no reason to go on, only reasons for leaving for good. No Weiss, and not even Blake now. No job. No prospects. Family that was pulling away more and more every day. And yet she continued to stare, continued to question, running her thumbs along the texture of it. The longer she stared, the heavier her breath was turning. The faster her heart was beating. Why was it that in that moment of staring at the makeshift rope, she felt more adrenaline then she ever had before in her life? What was stopping her?
The distant sound of laughter came from downstairs. It could just as easily have been from outside or from the television Yang had left on, but it wasn't.
"No, you give me a break!" Blake was laughing as she managed to get the door open, despite the two bulging grocery bags in her hands. "Nobody cares about the White Sox - this is a Cubs town and a Cubs town only!"
"Yeah, well your team sucks ass." Sun continued to tease and taunt, even deliberately pushed one hand with the grocery bags out to try and hit her side with it. Both had just got back from their brief venture, but Sun had already agreed to stay tonight, for the first time in weeks. Of course, they had their reasons.
"So… are you really okay with staying here?" Blake asked in a softer voice as they made their way into the kitchen. "Even with Yang in the bed with us? I wouldn't ask you to, except… you know."
Sun rolled his eyes, already beginning to unpack the items from the various bags. "Don't be silly, of course I'm okay with it! Who knows, maybe a cuddle session might help her out more. Like you said, she’s had a couple days to kinda chill out by herself, go to therapy; maybe she won’t be such a stubborn bull about friendship or whatever. We gotta get her back to a place where she sees the rest of life is still waiting for her, even if she lost her girl."
"Exactly. And maybe what you’re really hoping for out of a cuddle session is that she'll cuddle up to your butt - and we both know you'd like that." Giggling, she leaned in and pressed her lips against Sun's temple before whispering, "Wouldn't you, little boy?"
Although he tried to glare back, he couldn't keep his composure for too long, and ended up chuckling to himself. "Yeah yeah, whatever. So, shall I unpack all this while you run up and get her?"
Nodding, she kissed his cheek this time, then gave him a showy pat on the butt before going back to lock the door and step out of her sneakers. A quick sprint took her to the top of the stairs and around the corner, knocking briefly at her roommate's door.
"Hey, Yang? Listen…" This time, she didn't stop to wait; she eased open the door as she kept talking. "We were thinking about making tacos tonight, and then, if you'd be… up for…"
All of Blake's energy drained away when she saw what was waiting for her on the other side of that door. A nightmare. A literal waking nightmare. Her amber eyes took in the loop in Yang's hands, the surprised look on her face, the stepladder… the fixture where the makeshift lariat was hanging from. Back to her face, where they focused sharply.
Once she heard the door open, Yang flinched. She was no longer staring at the loop in her hands, and was looking right at Blake instead. Her own eyes were larger than they'd ever been before, nothing present in them but pure terror. She never once released the loop, only felt her hands quivering as she grasped it tighter. But there was still no move to pull it toward her. She couldn’t even do this right.
What little energy she was left with was used to whisper, "P-Please leave…"
But Blake would not be obeying that one little plea. Instead, she trusted her instincts, which propelled her the few steps from the door, into the air, where her arms wrapped around Yang's middle and snatched her from atop the stepladder, tackling her to the floor.
"NO!"
That was the bloodcurdling scream that followed her action. Hitting the ground hard, she was frantically trying to push up from the ground to get back to her feet, but Blake wasn't having any of it, wasn't letting it go. It'd failed, her one attempt at freedom from the pain, the misery, and it had completely failed. All she could do was continue to scream out incoherently as she struggled against Blake's grip, tears streaming down her face.
After roughly one full, ugly minute of this, she sat up off the blonde and looked down at her for a long moment, listening to her blubber and scream. Then she reared back a hand and brought the palm sailing down to the side of her face.
SLAP!
By which time, Sun had ran upstairs to the sounds of Yang's screams, throwing the door open to find out what was happening. But he was in for a shock. The sight of a noose hanging from a ceiling, accompanied by a nearby step ladder wasn't the only haunting thing. The other was what her girlfriend was currently sat on top of, which was a blubbering and tearful mess. All she could do was loudly sob, the slap having forced her to at least stop screaming and struggling so hard. But it didn't stop the desperate plea, a horrifying one.
"L-Let me go! I-I don't w-want this anymore! J-Just let me die!"
The instant she heard the last word cross Yang's lips, her hand drew back again - but Sun was grasping her wrist, keeping her from delivering another strike. She struggled as she shouted, "You don't want this?! You don't want… friends who love you, a roof over your head? Warm food, cold beer? What is it about living here you hate so fucking much?!"
"MYSELF!" she screamed back at her, sobbing more and more straight after. She couldn't bring herself to look at either of them, only kept her eyes tightly shut as more and more tears streamed down her cheeks. Instead, her hands dove into her hair, grabbing handfuls and pulling hard. "I don't deserve to live! I don't deserve friends! I don't deserve ANYTHING!"
"BULLSHIT! Bull… fucking… SHIT!" So hard was she straining against Sun that he had to go down on one knee to stay close, to keep her from hitting Yang again. "You're one of the most incredible people I know! Why should you hate yourself?! That's… that's fucking stupid!"
"Babe, breathe! Calm down!" Sun insisted, keeping a hold of her to prevent another slap. He knew in this state there would be no calming of Yang, not for a long long time. But having the both of them in such an awful state would just make things worse.
Especially since Yang seemed completely irrational, only continuing to loudly sob and cry, continuing to pull her hair. "Because I'm a freak! A fucking circus freak who everyone's helped out, and I just… waste it! I deserve to die!"
But then she was leaning forward, trying to curl herself into a ball as she continued to sob loudly, managing to push out the phrase, "Please let me do it…"
"NEVER!" Even with her arm twisted back behind her, Blake still managed to lean down close to Yang's face and growl, "I don't care if I have to quit my job and sit here twenty-four hours a day for the rest of my fucking life, I am never, ever letting that happen, okay?! So you can just… just forget about this stupid idea right now!"
But all Yang could do was sob, sob loudly and continue to cry out. She didn't have any more words to say, nothing that Blake wouldn't yell at her loudly for. She just wasn't in the right state of mind for any rational thinking. And while it was stressful to watch, Sun finally let go of Blake's arm once Yang had remained in her ball and sobbed for a minute, trusting she wouldn't try and slap her anymore as he went to do undo the noose, and to pick up Yang's phone to call the hospital.
The minute Sun was out of the room, Blake let out a choked sob and whispered, "I'm sorry… I got so mad at you, I… you're in pain, and I hit you… why did I do that?"
"I deserve it." It was a small and quiet voice that answered, but it was there. And that wasn't all. The rest of her words would be even more haunting. "I deserved it all. The slapping, the choking, even getting my dick hit… I deserved it. And I lied to you about it, telling you I enjoyed it when really I just wanted to… t-to be…"
A hand fisted against Yang's shirt as she remembered. The signs were all there; she was just too blinded by lust and affection to notice. Her stomach twisted horribly, and she felt like she might be sick.
"Yang… I love you exactly the way you are. I don't understand w-why you can't see that, I… I'm so stupid, I let all this happen, you were this close to-" Another sob cut off her words, and she clung hard to the girl beneath her, desperate to remind herself that she was still there.
It took a long while until Yang finally did the same. She released the handfuls of her own hair and instead clutched at Blake's shirt tightly, closing her eyes tight to try and suppress the tears away. Even if it wasn't exactly working, she refused to let go.
"I k-keep hearing her w-words…" She mumbled into her shoulder. "T-that I'm a circus freak. That I was t-taking advantage of Weiss b-because I was t-there… a-and I tried ignoring her, but I can't. I c-can't…"
"And who the fuck is she to decide who you are?!" Sniffling, she kissed all over the part of Yang's head she could reach. "You're… my Yang, my friend! Not hers!" Her hands dug into the back of Yang's shirt. "You're not going anywhere, okay? We'll… we can get you help, we can do something, this isn't over. You just… you let yourself get too far away from who you really are. But we can fight - and we will."
On one hand, she wasn't yelling back about dying anymore. That part seemed to have calmed down. On the other, she was still clutching, still sobbing horridly as she tried to avoid eye contact. But again, there were more whimpers of confession. "I did try to go to that counselling… but when I got there, I-I couldn't. I couldn't go in the building, I was too scared. And then, then today I got fired, so I drank, and I just… I don't know…"
Blake nodded and kissed her more - she couldn't seem to stop. Proving to her body that Yang wasn't leaving, that she hadn't let that happen. "That's okay. It's okay! I… I was hoping you could do it on your own, but you don't have to. We'll… go together next time. You and me. And I'll be out in the waiting room the whole time, and… and we can leave right away if that therapist sucks. And we'll try again." Another hiccupping sob, and her words became barely coherent. "I'll do anything, okay? Anything to keep you from… to keep you here! God, I'll do anything you want!"
And then Blake's words devolved so badly they couldn't even be understood anymore, though it seemed to be more of the same.
"You've been doing everything already… I just kept being a… a bonehead, and didn’t listen," Yang assured her, burrowing her head into Blake's shoulder now it was exposed. And just in time for Sun to get back in, who was holding the phone to one side, as though he was still mid conversation.
"They want her to come in for a psychiatric evaluation. I'll drive, you two in the back?"
"Yeah," Blake said without hesitation, voice strained. Then she pulled back and pressed her hands into either side of Yang's face. "Listen… we're gonna go do this thing. I'm not leaving you, I'm not dumping you on their doorstep… we'll let them see what they see, and then we'll figure out where to go from there. Together, all three of us. Okay?"
Tears still falling from her cheeks, she only had the power left to nod, continuing to cling to whatever clothing she could of Blake's. Anything to keep her grounded in reality, instead of succumbing to the dark thoughts Winter had planted in the back of her mind. And then the final whisper: "Thank you…"
"There's nothing else I'd rather do right now." And it was the God's honest truth; there wasn't.

The ride to the hospital only took about twenty minutes. All the while, the two girls were huddled under a fleece blanket in the backseat, even though it was the middle of summer; Yang couldn't stop shivering in shock from what she had been through, how close she had come to the worst mistake of her life, and Blake wasn't about to let her curl under the blanket by herself. Soft rock from a local radio station music played out over Sun's speakers, which gave them something to laugh about to help keep their mind off darker things. Everyone was tired of "Eternal Flame" by now.
Soon after they got there, Yang was taken back into an evaluation room they had onsite. Blake and Sun weren't permitted to go back there, but after a few more assurances they weren't going anywhere, they let her go and found their way back to their seats in the waiting room.
"Ugh, I'm sorry today turned into this," she sighed at him as she slumped down in the hard-plastic chair. Sun had one arm around her and pulled her toward him, giving a light squeeze when he could. It had been a terrible ordeal for them both, even for him. But all the while, he tried to remain calm and collected.
"Don't be stupid. You didn't know, none of us did. It's just one of those… awful fucking things."
"Definitely that." She looked over with pleading eyes that he was all too used to. "Could you get me some coffee from one of those vending machines? Or maybe some soup? I don't really care which, they probably taste the same."
"Sure, babe. Black coffee?" He kissed her cheek before letting her go to sit himself upright again. However, before she could respond there was an interruption in the form of an upbeat ring tone.
But it wasn't Blake's. Reaching into the purse she had hastily grabbed, she came up with Yang's cell. The blonde had passed it off to her when she was being admitted, as they didn't want her to have it back there. The minute she saw "Lil Sis" as the contact name, she whispered, "Black" to her boyfriend before swiping down to answer.
"Hello?"
"Who’s this?" The voice sounded quiet, completely full of fear even in that first second. But whoever was on the other line was about to get an earful of yet another blubbery mess. "Please, i-is Yang there? I n-need to speak to her! She left me a voicemail about d-doing… s-something… Oh my god, is she okay or not?! Please say I’m not too late!"
"Ruby… I, um, I don't think we've seen each other since way back in school, have we? It's Blake…" How could she even begin to have this conversation? The poor girl had already received a message, by the sound of things. There would be no covering this up.
"Oh… Oh, god, Blake! I f-forgot… forgot she went to.." Ruby was trying to hold herself back from blubbering still, but it wasn't doing much good at all. The conversation seemed to have been completely forgotten as she sobbed rather loudly, only managing to squeeze very few words out. "I d-didn't make it in time, d-did I? Otherwise s-she would have p-picked up…"
"NO! You're fine, she's fine!" Clearing her throat, she ran a hand through her bangs as she tried to figure out what to say. "Well… she hasn't been 'fine' for a long time, I guess. But if the message was about her doing something stupid, don't worry, she, um, she’s still… she’s going to be okay."
"Oh thank god!" she seemed to shout. Even from a quarter of the way across the country Blake could feel her relief as she sobbed again, quickly sniffing between breaths. "I don't understand, she seemed fine! I m-mean… we were only skyping once a week, but I thought that was because she was busy. Even then, she was laughing, s-saying she was drinking with you guys!"
Blake's voice filled with tears; she had been fighting to keep them out, but listening to Ruby cry was enough to get her going again. "I'm sorry! I… I knew she wasn't happy, but I thought if w-we just kept hanging out with her, showing her we're her friends, it w-would be enough, that she would… snap out of it, or whatever! And she was supposed to be going to therapy…"
And then, as she was sitting there on the phone with her girlfriend's little sister, cold realisation crashed down over Blake Belladonna’s head: she wasn't enough. Even if Yang did care about her, enjoyed her company, she and Sun could not fill the void that Weiss left in her heart. Couldn't compensate for the demon seeds Winter had planted in her mind, that were growing into thorny roots all these weeks. It was equally comforting and crushing to realize that she had done everything she could… and come up short.
"B-But why? Why didn't she tell me?" Sobbing with her the other side the phone, Ruby could only sniff again. "I d-don't understand… She let me think she was okay, I actually have been telling Dad she's happy there! Then she j-just leaves a message saying goodbye… God, you have no idea h-how glad I am you're there with her!"
The reality of that crashed over her even harder. Never did she expect to literally save someone's life . "Ruby, I didn't… I had no idea what I was going to walk in on, b-but you're right, I'm glad I was there, too." Her voice got even tighter as she added, "If I didn't make it, if we got back a little later, I… I'd n-never be able to f-forgive myself…"
"D-Don't…" Sighing in an attempt to compose herself again, she seemed to be adjusting the phone in her grip a moment, as though she were sitting down. "You did save her. It didn't happen, that's the important thing. We should focus on that. Where is she?"
"We're at the hospital. Just for a checkup!" she added in a hurry, before Ruby leapt to the wrong conclusion. "She's fine, she's not even hurt, just… I mean, Sun and I aren't professionals, so even though we're pretty sure she won't try it again, we, um… we wanna be extra sure. I'm not taking chances."
"Oh… Okay, I get it. Better to be safe than sorry. Oh no, I'd better tell Dad before she does, soften the blow." Ruby had calmed down significantly now that she had been reassured there was no immediate danger, with only the occasional sniff being a sign that she was upset. "Should I get him to send some money to cover the bill? O-Or he can even pick her up, if you think she needs it."
"No, Ruby, we got this. I'm paying for it. I…" Her voice tried to close off again, but she forced herself to keep going. "This is my fault for not figuring out how bad her pain was earlier. She… I tried to get her to go to therapy by herself. What was I thinking? Like I'd want to go by myself if it was me…"
"No, no you're trying. You and I know her, she's stubborn. She won't admit she needs help, ever. Not even with… this stuff. I bet if you asked about going with her, she'd have said ‘no’ and tried to go herself anyway. Kind of annoying sometimes! But y’know, I love my sister, anyway. I… I’m so, so glad she’s not…"
But the conversation was interrupted as the phone began to vibrate again. Another call was coming in on the background. But the contact didn't have a particular pet name like the entirety of her phonebook, and it spoke volumes as to how she felt about said person. Winter .
Suddenly, Blake felt ice water running through her veins, the tightness in her heart relaxing. This was a situation she did know how to take care of. "Ruby, I'll have to call you back; someone is on the other line that I need to scream at."
"Oh, okay then. Um… Get Yang to call me later! And thanks again!" Ruby shouted just before Blake cut off her call to activate the next one.
Which was a rather shaky voice on the other line. Shaky, but trying to act professional as she asked quietly, "Xiao Long? Xiao Long, is that you?"
"So," Blake began in a steely voice. "You're the one."
There was a pause. "Who is this? I'm looking for Yang, Yang Xiao Long."
"You did say that already." Churning over possible follow-ups in her mind, she finally decided to just attack. "Do you have any idea what you've done? Do you care?"
"Who is this?!" the voice responded quickly. It wasn't the stern professional that Yang had described before. This sounded more like a frightened child. "Can't you tell I'm in a hurry?! I need to talk to Yang, now!"
"Well, you can’ t! Because she is in the hospital, and it is entirely your fault, you… you homophobic, transphobic piece of SHIT!" People in the waiting room were looking up at her now, but they didn't matter; all that mattered was focusing every last shred of her anger on the one target that truly deserved it. "My friend was happy, she had actually found what she needed in life, and you were too worried about appearances to let that be okay, to… to keep your fucking nose out of it!"
"In the hospi-" The quiet voice was beginning to trail off. Winter had to take a moment in silence as she took in the words, her breath seeming to quicken and become shaky. After a small moment, she spoke again quietly. "No… no she can't be. You're lying to me, trying to make me feel bad! Y-You're both pulling a sick, SICK joke!"
Still unbelievably furious, she held the phone away just long enough to send Winter a picture message of her own enraged face with the obvious markings of a typical hospital waiting room in the background, the nurse behind the desk in her blue scrubs. Anyone who had been to one more than once could never forget. There was silence on the other end of the line, more silence as Winter was clearly mentally processing. It seemed to be the rock-hard evidence she needed to finally believe her. And the only response was heavier breathing.
"S-She… But she's alright, isn't she? She wasn't… she wouldn't have… s-she-"
"Not dead, no. But I wouldn't call what she is 'alright', you…" This time, she fought to keep from hurling more petty insults. They weren't what she really wanted to say. "Sorry to disappoint you. I'm sure that's what you wanted, isn't it? To find out that the… the obstacle to Weiss's future is out of the picture for good. Too damn bad."
"I-I…" She seemed to have the wind knocked out of her, barely able to continue a few words, let alone an entire sentence. Taking a deep breath in to compose herself as best she could, she calmly continued, "I didn't want this. I wanted her to stay away from Weiss, move out of the city and… and leave her alone. I never… I didn't want anyone hurt. This isn’t my fault."
"Well, you did hurt her. She's been hurting for a month. Every day. Every fucking day, I watched her wish she was dead, and today? Today I found her trying to make that wish come true." Her voice got deadly quiet. "As far as I'm concerned, you're no better than a murderer."
"No… no you… I-I didn't, I never…" Her words were becoming more and more fumbled, and it seemed like a hand was raised over her mouth when she continued. "J-Just tell me she's not hurt. Not physically hurt. Please, so I can… So I can inform Weiss…"
Her voice dropped to a venomous hiss. "Give me one good reason you deserve to know that information."
There was no vocal response. Only shaky breathing. Winter Schnee was completely speechless about the whole ordeal, she couldn't even figure out a phrase or word to say to try and convince the woman on the other line.
"That's what I thought. Enjoy your life, murderer . I hope you're proud of what you did."
Then Blake hit the "end call" button and stared down at the drab carpeting. Somehow, she had been hoping that taking out all of her frustrations on the elder Schnee would make her feel better, but all she had left now was sadness.
By which time, Sun had returned with two cups, one in each hand. But seeing his girlfriend keeled over and staring out blankly made him hesitate a moment before he sat down by her side, holding the cup toward her. When he left, he had only managed to catch the contact name of the first person who rang, so assumed the sadness was due to that.
"Guessing you had to bear the bad news, huh?"
For a moment, she didn't say anything. Then she just whispered, "I can't believe we're here, doing this. I can't believe I had to have those conversations, it's… how did I let this get so bad, and didn't figure out how bad it was?"
"Blake…" Sun said quietly, putting both cups down on a nearby table so he could hold an arm around her instead, leaning in close. "You can't blame yourself for this. How could any of us have known? Depression's not something that makes itself brutally obvious."
"I mean… I know that. Deep down, I do, but right now I'm worried about my friend. That's all." Shakily drawing in breath, Blake leaned into his touch, laying her head on his shoulder. "You think she'll be okay? I know we didn't let her die, but… I don't know what to do about her mental state… should we try to call Weiss? Get them talking again? I don’t know…"
"I think the problem runs deeper than just Weiss." He idly stroked her arm as they leant against one another, and occasionally pressed a kiss against her head to try and keep her calm. Even he was dramatically affected by this, having only just managed to hold his own tears back through the whole ordeal. "The things she was saying when she was frantic… they weren't aimed toward her, they were aimed at herself. I think the whole thing with Weiss made it way worse, but I wouldn't say it's the root cause."
"She's beautiful, Sun. She's the most beautiful woman in the world, and… and that bitch convinced her that because she was born with a dick, that sh-she's not valid! I hate it, I hate that I can't help her any more than this!"
"But you have been doing all you can!" He stopped her continuing that trail of thought, pulling her in tighter. It still hurt to hear his own girlfriend talk about someone else in such a way, but they'd already agreed to the terms. That he allowed it because he trusted Yang. Perhaps that was a mistake on his part, but right now that wasn't important. What was instead was his girlfriend's feelings. "You've helped her where other people wouldn't, booked her in therapy, everything. You've gone above and beyond, dude. Don’t beat yourself up."
"Yeah… yeah, I know." Snuggling against his side, she finally admitted it to herself. "I know you're right, in my mind. That I was really trying, and that I didn't know what else to do, so… but it doesn't keep me from feeling guilty that she still came this close. It should never have been this close, Sun!"
"But you stopped it. You saved her life, Blake. And even if none of us thought she'd have to be in that room, we're here. We just have to keep going, keep moving forward. Keep her moving forward."
Nodding hard against his neck, she then sat up and pushed at the moisture on her cheeks. "Yes… that's very true. We have to think about her future, not this one little setback." Then she kissed his cheek. "Thanks for being my rock. I was trying to be hers, and it didn't work, which only proves to me how much better at that you are."
"Hell no. Do you really think I could have handled this if it was the other way around? No way. You're the better rock here, and don't you forget it," he insisted, finally breaking away their hug to pass the drink over to her instead, now that it'd had a moment to cool down.
"Thanks." She took a sip, then made a face. "Oh ugh, you did get soup! I was totally kidding!"
"Um… that's the coffee… " Sun had started to laugh, but it wasn't long until ahead there was a familiar sight making its way down the hallway. The messy blonde hair of Yang, accompanied by a doctor whom was still writing on the clipboard as she led her back to the waiting room.
"What's the verdict?" Blake asked, trying for an awkwardly hopeful smile.
"Yang is going to be just fine," the doctor told them with a pleasant smile as she gestured to their friend, and the piece of paper in her hands. "She doesn't present an ongoing danger to herself or others, and all that marijuana and alcohol mixed poorly in her system. They're not very compatible ‘highs’, regardless of one being more legal than the other. She mentioned you were both aware of what was going on in her personal life before she moved here, so I think you can understand how too many mind-altering substances would make it worse if she already doesn’t know what to do."
"So keep her clean, I'm sure we can deal with that.” Another thing for Blake to kick herself over; getting Yang self-medicating. “Anything else?"
"I got Prozac," Yang responded rather blankly to the other blonde, looking down at the prescription the doctor had given her while in the room. "And counselling, but that I wanted to go for, anyway… and I mean actually go this time."
"Still going with you," Blake told her flatly.
"Good," the doctor said as she continued writing on her clipboard. "A network of friends is always helpful in situations like these." Then she let her professional demeanor drop, laying a hand on Yang's shoulder. "You will get through this. Plenty of us hit this wall at some point in our lives; I came close in grad school. But if you talk to someone… it can make all the difference."
Although she was looking down at the ground, she was listening to every word; nervously folding her arms over her chest as she nodded. She knew everyone was there to help, to try and make her feel better; but that didn't stop her feeling so guilty for their need to be there in the first place.
"So is she free to go?" When the doctor nodded, Blake slid an arm around her friend's back. "Thanks. Um, where do we… check out, or whatever?"
"All taken care of. Just have that prescription filled at any pharmacy and that's all you have to pay for. I got this one. You guys just worry about Ms Xiao Long." And before they could protest or further inquire, the doctor left them to it with a little wave before heading back the way she came.
"Thanks a bunch, doc! We'll get her back to norm," Sun called up toward the doctor as they headed for the exit, watching as the two girls walked together.
Closely together. And yet again, he noticed how in this case, it was Blake doing the main work. Blake was the one giving affection, pulling her in close and occasionally leaning her head against her, while Yang blankly kept going. If they were going to help Yang out of this pit, and even help her get out to see the world, Blake herself would need help, as well. Help to inevitably let go of Yang when the time was right.
But for now, as they headed back toward the car again, Sun opened the back door for them both. "So… how about we hit a McDonalds instead of tacos? I think after that, none of us wanna cook."
"Oh, shit," Blake breathed, covering her mouth with her hand. "I hope you got most of that stuff in the fridge… but yeah, I agree. Greasy, nasty fries would really hit the spot a lot better. Plus, you know how much I love their strawberry shakes."
"And a Big Mac for me — I wonder what cheesy things they have right now…" Sun pondered as he got into the driver's seat, already strapping himself in as he waited for the other two to get ready. Turning back, he asked, "How about you, blondie?"
But Yang continued to stare down blankly, even as she strapped herself in, and as Blake wrapped the blanket back around them. Yet again, she could feel tears beginning to well up in her eyes, whispering, "I think I just wanna go to bed…"
Blake watched her for a few seconds, considering. Pursing her lips, she seemed to come to a decision. "Chocolate shake and twenty-piece McNuggets for Yang. Just… trust me on this." Then she snuggled up next to her as they drove off.

Since that chilling phone call, Winter had completed no work whatsoever. She sat in deep thought, in complete silence. Over and over, that word continued to go through her head: 'murderer'. And Yang's voicemail also ran through her mind again and again. How Yang described the hatred she felt for herself because of her words, how completely not herself she sounded. She sounded destroyed, and Winter did that to her? That wasn't possible. It wasn't as if she was actually attacking Yang, all she said was what she saw. That Yang wasn't natural. Surely everyone knew that!
Either way, what was done was done. She had no way of finding out Yang's health, or even what had happened in the first place. What business was it of hers?
But as she finally dragged herself up to fetch a coffee, that thought continued to haunt her. Yang could be in critical condition, or worse. And the guilt was only made worse when she passed the door to her sister's apartment, and heard another heart wrenching sound. "WHY?!" echoed out into the hall; it would only be audible from right next to it the way she was, but it was so strained and urgent that it bordered on being feral. A growl of lament.
She couldn't just walk away from that. She had no choice with Yang; she wasn't about to drop the ball with Weiss, as well. Not with her baby sister. So tightening her eyes shut, she braced herself for whatever consequence was about to come, and quietly opened the door…
The sight was utterly pitiful. Weiss was curled up on the couch, her phone lying on the cushion next to her, playing the video clip of them performing the song in Penny’s house on repeat. Her head was pressed down against that orange "infinity scarf" she had seen the brutish bodyguard wearing on more than one occasion. It was so late in the day, and yet she was still dressed in fuzzy pajamas. And, of course, she was crying her eyes out, huge streams of wetness making their way down her face and into the snood.
For a moment, she stared. And it made her heart sink all the more, for even worse reasons. She'd assumed her sister was well over the bodyguard by now, over the petty fling that posed a threat to her career. But it seemed not. Forcing back the fears about Yang in her head, she pushed open the door a little more.
"Weiss?"
"Go away!" she sobbed weakly, curling in tighter, quivering from nose to toes as she pulled the phone closer. "You… don't understand and you don't care, I… I don't want to see you right now!"
But Winter wasn't leaving. She entered the room, shutting the door behind her. The worst thing that could happen was for their father to walk in on this moment. Frankly, Winter didn't want to be there at all, but she felt far too guilty to leave this untouched.
"That's not true, and you know it." She tried to remain stern, pulling up a chair next to the sofa so she could sit next to Weiss without moving her. "I'm still your sister, you know. I do care."
"Not about this." Sniffling she turned her head to smoosh her face down into the scarf. "You have m-made your feelings about Yang abundantly clear."
Biting her lip in an attempt to suppress the fresh wave of guilt, she watched as Weiss continued to burrow her head into whatever she could, feeling worse and worse by the second. To the point when she couldn't stand it any longer.
"Stop it!" she insisted. "Do you really think you were ‘in love’? You’ve never even dated anyone before! This was just… just Yang taking advantage of you at a vulnerable time!"
But all that came out of Weiss for the next minute or so were strangled screams, hiccups and sobs. When she finally calmed down enough to speak again, the conversation went in a direction Winter was not expecting.
"I tried to move on… the way you seemed to think I would. It didn't work. She still… I can't, Winter, I can't!"
"You can, and you have to!" Shuffling her chair a little closer, she breathed in deeply. Struggling for any way of avoiding this, she went on, "And you will tomorrow. We're going to find you some new bodyguards. Father and I won’t go over your head again – it’s your choice."
"Not as a bodyguard, you ignoramus! As…" She was past the point of caring, past everything. "As my girlfriend! I was in love with her, and I'm still in love with her now! You might hate me for telling you, but you know what?! It doesn't even matter anymore! She left me, she is… gone, gone, gone! Not only that — my new girlfriend apparently isn't enough to erase her memory, which makes me a really crappy person! So think whatever you want, because it d-doesn’t make any difference at this point!"
The more Winter was hearing from her, the worse she felt. It was the wake-up call she truly needed to tell her that this was real . Weiss really was in love with another woman, and wasn't just having a fling because she was there – not just a phase, some flirtation with ‘sin’ as she and her father thought of it. The experimentation of youth. No, it seemed that no matter what happened, she would continue to date women rather than men, and nothing could change that. Not even the risk it was to her career, or her family life. If she truly was willing to put all that on the line for someone else…
And then she began to stare blankly at the ground when the crushing reality of what she had done hit her like a bus. Weiss's loved one could be dead, or as good as. She heard haunting stories of the after effects of people's attempts depending on the method. What if it was pills, and her insides could already be destroyed? What if she jumped off a building and could never walk again? She had to bear that crushing guilt that not only had her actions pushed someone down that dark path, but that she had destroyed the most special person in Weiss's life.
"…She didn't leave you."
There was no real emotion left in Weiss's voice as she growled, "Oh, what are you babbling about now?!"
"She didn't leave you," she repeated louder this time, gesturing the words with her hands. It was a small habit she only tended to do when she was trying to get people to believe her point and listen carefully. But in addition, she sighed, bringing her hand up to her face and running it down. Swallowing her fear, her self-preservation instincts, she added… "I forced her to leave."
Only now did she have Weiss's undivided attention. She pushed up onto one elbow, and the horrible state she was in became crystal clear; red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes, salty residue from earlier tears that had run in different directions from the current ones.
"You… what… are you talking about? What did you do?"
Now she was keeled over, head in her hands, staring at the ground as she tried to stop the lump in her throat from keeping her quiet. She wanted to be sick, or to run… but there was no way of escaping this.
"I knew she wasn't going to leave unless I gave her a good enough reason. So I confronted her with her old Facebook account. The one with pictures of hi- …her, from before." She corrected herself before slipping with the pronouns, even if she still didn’t quite buy that Yang was a woman. That would no doubt just make everything worse. "And she still didn't leave, even when I threatened to tell Father about this. Nor when I threatened to hand it over to a media source. I had to firmly remind her that the stories would be about you dating a tranny and that it would ruin your reputation before she considered it, and even then she was arguing with me for what seemed like hours."
"So when I didn't… when…" Everything began slotting into place behind the clear blue eyes of her little sister. Certain emotions shut off, some shifted slightly, and some blazed into being. It was another minute or so before she stopped looking so completely stunned and was able to respond.
"Wow. You… really do hate me, don't you?"
"No, I don't," Winter swore to her. Even though she was only just able to bring herself out of the pathetic ball she had made out of herself, she looked toward her seriously. "It's because I love you I did this. I thought you were just having a fling, something to rebel against Father with, or that she was manipulating you because you were living in the same bus. A-and… and I wanted it to end before it cost you your career."
Her fists clenched as she looked back at the floor again, voice becoming shaky. "But I was wrong. I was so, so wrong…"
"Oh! Oh, okay, I- I'm sorry! I get it now! My mistake! You were just…"
Then something much worse than crying happened. Weiss began to laugh. It wasn't the kind of laugh you ever wanted to hear; high, unhinged. Dangerously close to the edge of insanity. As she giggled and cackled, she sat up and rocked slightly back and forth, eyes popping wildly and mouth agape.
And Winter just sat, sat and listened, as horrendous as that punishment was. And this was without telling her the most gut-wrenching part. But she knew she deserved it, and that Weiss deserved to hear the truth after so long of blaming herself – one piece at a time. It didn't make any of this easier though.
"YOU! You're so nice to me! That's why all these years, you've been making me feel like a nuisance that y-you just have to take care of or else Father will make you, or punish you… why you don't think I can wipe my ass without supervision! Because you love me! Oh, I get it, I see!"
“Weiss, that isn’t true,” she urged her with wide eyes. “You have no idea how much I’ve sacrificed! For you! I really- I couldn’t love you more if I tried! And I know it won’t seem that way right now...”
Still giggling, the girl clutched her sides as more tears joined the old ones, sucking air noisily and horribly. "You love me so much, you had to save me from the big scary ‘tranny’ who wanted to… to what, exactly? Oh yeah, that thing she did!"
Then suddenly it was like a switch flipped, and Weiss was on her feet, screaming down at Winter, "She loved me! She loved me, and I had someone, and you didn't! And you couldn't let that happen - you had to ruin the rest of my life because you… you're just so, SO loving! I can't believe you're sitting here, telling me this like I'm supposed to buy any part of it!"
And all she could do was begin to cringe even more at each and every word. But she deserved it all. Weiss's anger was rightfully placed. She couldn't even bear to make eye contact with her anymore, see what she looked like this angry. And that's when the tears had begun. Even though this hurdle was over, the worst part of the confession was about to begin, and when things got quiet, she spoke again.
"You need to sit down, because there's more…"
"OH! Oh, I see – there's more. I interrupted you ruining my life, you're not done." Weiss practically threw herself down onto the couch, sending one of the throw pillows to the floor. "Go ahead. I mean, what, did you set fire to my tour bus? Or hey, maybe you already called Neon and told her that she has to leave the country because… I don't know, she has tattoos and piercings, or something else you don't find acceptable!"
It didn't even register to her that Weiss had just told her her new girlfriend's name. All that her mind could think about was the events on the phone from earlier, the yelling she received from one of Yang's friends. How was she meant to explain this? She had to keep going. Taking a deep breath in and waiting for Weiss to be quiet, she finally managed to get the words out.
"The last contact I had with her was a very worrying voicemail. I called back and could only reach a friend of hers. Telling me that she tried… that she had been hospitalized."
"Hospitalized? Oh, how would you know whether she's hospit-"
The ringing of her phone filled the air, cutting off the umpteenth rendition of "Changes Come For You" in mid-note. It was one she had set for someone specific, one of her own songs from the very early days; extra bubbly. Abandoning her conversation with Winter immediately, she snatched it up and swiped to answer.
"Hello? Ruby? Is everything alright?!"
"Weiss!" Already she seemed to be frantic on the other side, voice coming quick and fast as she spoke. "God, I’ve been trying to reach you, but my signal kept cutting out! S-something happened."
Her eyes widened so much further than they had been as her breath caught. "What? Ruby… what happened?"
"She's okay, now she is at least anyway. But, um, something’s going on. I’m not there, I can’t tell you for sure." Ruby took a deep breath. Weiss glanced over at Winter, staring blankly toward her with tears falling down her face, before she heard, "Weiss… okay, she made me promise not to tell you, because Winter might do something, follow through on her crazy threats; but I've been talking to her off and on. She went back to Chicago, to Blake's. And I thought she was doing okay, but today she got really drunk and depressed, and Blake found her trying to… t-trying… to…"
"Trying to what?! Ruby, spit it out!" She knew she was being mean, but she was tired of being kept in the dark by well-meaning people. Winter had frayed that nerve far too much for one day.
There was a clear gulp from the other line. Then the following, hollowly-delivered comment: "She was trying to kill herself."
Never before in her life had Weiss regretted asking someone to be honest with her. Not before that moment.
"No." It was all she could think of to say. Completely unworthy of the situation, but no other words would come. Her head swayed back and forth slightly as she tried her best to remain upright.
"S-she's alright now; she's been checked over and evaluated, got some meds, a-and is gonna start counselling…”
“No. I… what?”
“B-but I needed to tell you. This isn’t the same as just keeping a secret that she’s in another state, a-and you’re my friend, and… I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry."
"That's… good." Again, not up to par. "Thank you. I'm… yes. She's okay. She’s okay. " A wave of relief was flooding through the icy veins of Weiss Schnee. Just for a second, she had known – believed deep in her heart that she literally lost Yang forever. Even worse than she had when Yang left. Now, she had learned differently; there was still time. Maybe Yang didn't want to see her anymore, but at least she was alive, and had someone to help her get back to where she had been.
"I-I don't wanna sound rude, or pushy; but can you fly out here? So we can really talk? I don't wanna explain all this on the phone, and… a-and we’re flying up to see Yang ourselves soon."
That part Winter could only just hear for herself from her chair, and looked up from where she was covered in tears. She desperately hoped Weiss wouldn't, and would remain so she could be told anything she wanted. So they could finish this conversation. But that choice was hers.
"Yeah… yeah, you probably need me as much as Yang does, even if Yang wouldn’t-" Weiss’s throat closed off around the words "let me see her". She couldn't do it, couldn't poke her already-wounded feelings openly that way. "I'll… I'll be there soon, it's not a long flight. Can you pick me up, or sh-should I get a cab?"
"Penny can come get you, she’s renting a car. From your place?"
But then Winter was looking directly at her, pleading for her to remain as more tears fell from her face. She regretted everything that had happened. Everything.
"Oh gosh, I wouldn't dream of making her drive across the country! I… yeah, just from the airport. Um… I'll be there soon. Very soon. I'm… I gotta go pack."
Then she hung up. Only afterward did she realize that was rude to do without letting Ruby answer, but it was too late now. Standing, she immediately walked past Winter and down the hallway toward her bedroom.
"Weiss, wait! Please!" Winter insisted, following as quickly as she could and trailing behind her. By now the tears were free flowing, making things worse and worse. "This isn’t- you have to know that none of this is what I wanted!"
"I'm going to be gone for a few days," Weiss told her in a dead tone as she slung random items of clothing into her suitcase. Glancing down, she realized her other hand was still balled around the snood, so she put that in, as well. "Tell Father it was urgent business. I'll call him when I land to make sure he knows I'm fine, and that I haven't forgotten the Beach Fest; I'll be back well ahead of that."
"Can we just stay and talk, please?!" Her voice was getting increasingly frantic as she followed her pacing around the room, watched as she finished packing and zipped it up. "I didn't even finish telling you why she's there! Please!"
Pulling on one of Yang's old hoodies she had somehow missed underneath her bed, and Weiss retrieved a week or so later when the maid tried to throw it out, she fluffed her hair out of the neckline of it as she went to grab some comfortable shoes for the flight.
"Ruby will tell me. She seems to know about as much as you d-"
"I was wrong!" Winter suddenly shouted. She needed something to try and snap her out of what she was doing, snap her attention back to her again. So far nothing was working. But maybe if she kept going… "I… was wrong. She loved you, she loved you so, so much. And I was too focused on protecting you to see it… I just wish I could take it all back, we'd find a way to tell Father… please don't leave now."
"Really?" Weiss asked as she tugged on her shoes, tone razor-sharp now, even without shouting, without even raising her voice at all. "And who do you think you are, asking me to stay after what you did?"
"I'm your sister!" But when there was no response whatsoever from those words, Winter's brow was beginning to furrow, and her lip began to quiver. "…Weiss?"
As she pulled the suitcase through the doorway Winter was standing in, Weiss stopped just long enough to say a single sentence, voice crystal clear.
"I don't have a sister."
Then she kept walking, scooping up her phone from the couch and heading straight through the door to her apartment and out of sight. Without looking back at the devastation she had wrought.
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White Noise	By : RWBYRemnants Category: +M through R > RWBY Views: 1666 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: RWBY is not mine and I make no money from this fic

White Noise