The Pain Game | By : hummerhouse Category: +S through Z > Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Views: 4701 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
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Seeing that Master Splinter had been waiting for him in a shadowed corner of his room struck Mikey as an appropriate ending to a very miserable night. Mikey figured he might as well get it over with rather than suffering the pain of anticipating when the other shoe might drop.
“I guess Leo told you about our fight,” Mikey said gloomily.
“Leonardo informed me that the two of you had argued,” Master Splinter said. “He had no choice. His phone call to Donatello interrupted both our evenings and brought an end to our pleasant visit with Leatherhead,” Master Splinter said.
“Sorry Master Splinter,” Mikey said. “I didn’t know he’d do that.”
“Your argument was sufficiently disquieting to warrant his concern,” Master Splinter said, “as was your refusal to answer his calls. His inability to reach you prompted a call to Donatello which in turn disturbed me.”
“I threw my shell cell in the water so Leo couldn’t find me,” Mikey responded morosely.
Master Splinter nodded, moving across the room and then sitting on the bed next to his son. “I understand your pique, but that was an extremely foolish thing to do. Apparently the disabling of communication devices is contagious. Raphael became unreachable soon after Leonardo spoke to him about you.”
“Raph found me and I came home,” Mikey said. “Guess he didn’t want Leo to annoy me anymore so he hid where I was.”
“I will forgive the choice to turn off the phones, but please do not ever again venture outside of the lair without your shell cell,” Master Splinter said sternly. “The outer world is not a forgiving place and being unreachable could have very serious consequences.”
“Yes Sensei,” Mikey said, his voice lacking its usual vigor.
They were both silent then, Mikey looking down at his knees and Master Splinter studying his son. Mikey could only imagine what his father must think of him. No doubt Leo had put a very nefarious spin on the activities he’d probably guessed Raph and Mikey had been carrying on behind everyone’s backs.
“You are troubled, my son,” Master Splinter finally said, his voice a gentle, low tone.
“Yes,” Mikey replied.
“Have you also quarreled with Raphael?” Master Splinter asked.
Mikey’s hands closed into fists but otherwise he didn’t move. “Yes.”
“Perhaps with regards to the meaning of the relationship you share with him?” Master Splinter queried.
“Shared,” Mikey said, stressing the past tense.
“I see,” Master Splinter said. Another pause. “Was it a physical relationship?”
Mikey glanced up at his father and then looked away again. “I guess you want to know if what Leo told you is true.”
“Leonardo told me nothing,” Master Splinter said.
Blinking in surprise, Mikey looked up again. “But you’re here.”
“Of course,” Master Splinter said. “One does not need to be a ninjitsu master to know when one’s child requires solace. Leonardo was extremely agitated with regards to your argument, but he was not inclined to share your secrets, nor did I want him to. Your brother goes to great pains to keep all of his brothers’ confidences to himself.”
“But he . . . .” Mikey stopped himself, not sure what to think of that revelation. “I thought he told you everything.”
Master Splinter looked slightly amused. “Perhaps he has allowed you to believe that because it served a purpose, but it is not so. He is very loyal to you and your brothers, even with regards to his own father. I trust his judgment in these matters. Leonardo will share anything he requires my counsel to resolve, otherwise he will seek to sort out the difficulties himself.”
“Then why did you ask . . . ?” Mikey began.
“You had already alluded to such a relationship with Raphael in our previous conversations,” Master Splinter answered. “I merely wished to verify it in order to know how best to offer you guidance.”
“I don’t know that you can say anything that would help now,” Mikey said, feeling the weight of his sadness.
“I sent the two of you off together the other night so that you could resolve your issues,” Master Splinter said. “I did so fully understanding that you might possibly spend the time on activities that did not include conversation. I did hope that you would at least reach a partial accord.”
Mikey felt a flush of embarrassed warmth suffuse his cheeks. “We talked. It’s just really . . . complicated.”
“So you have expressed to me before,” Master Splinter said. “Is it because your physical relationship has progressed to a sexual one?”
If there had ever been a time in his life that Mikey wanted to melt into the floor, now was it. He hesitated to answer, but Master Splinter was staring at him expectantly.
“Yes Father,” Mikey finally acknowledged.
“I have often wondered what path puberty might dictate my sons take,” Master Splinter said almost musingly. “Would the fact that you four are unique in all the world force you into a life of celibacy, or would a biological imperative require you seek comfort from your own kind? I had rather hoped for the former as it would have entailed fewer difficulties.”
“I guess we let you down,” Mikey muttered.
“How could you let me down when I had no expectations?” Master Splinter asked, his expression sympathetic. “Hoping that your lives will not be complicated and desiring only your happiness is something I do because I am your father. I want you to have a good life, a life of fulfillment, but it is your life, Michelangelo.”
“I think I got fulfillment and sex mixed up,” Mikey blurted. “Kinda thought they went together, but they don’t. Now I know what you meant about the whole partner A and partner B thing.”
“Ahh,” Master Splinter responded with understanding. “You and Raphael are not of the same mindset as to the meaning of your relationship.”
“We’re not even in the same ballpark,” Mikey said with a grimace. “Ballpark being a good comparison ‘cause he thought what we had was a game and I didn’t.”
“I take it that you believed the two of you were forming a bond, something as important as the one that makes you brothers, but is different, perhaps deeper?” Master Splinter asked.
“Guess I read too many comic books, huh Master Splinter?” Mikey felt his eyes mist over and blinked rapidly, determined not to give in to self-pity.
“Do not discount your feelings my son,” Master Splinter said firmly. “Making a physical pact with someone should engage feelings of an emotional connection. There is nothing wrong with the expectations you had, nor is there anything wrong with Raphael’s desire to remain aloof from those feelings.”
Mikey thought about that and then sighed. “I’m guessing that’s where the whole understanding what we wanted from the relationship thing comes in. I shouldn’t be upset with Raph then, ‘cause he was straight up with me from the start. I just wanted something with him so bad I thought I could follow his rules.”
“The excitement of discovery and the pleasure of a new set of sensations does tend to dull one's view of what they would usually consider acceptable,” Master Splinter said. “How long did it take you to realize that what you desired was not in line with the terms that you had agreed to with Raphael?”
“Not that long,” Mikey admitted. “Kinda around the time I started talking to you about . . . well, about my sexual preferences.”
“Were you seeking to discover my thoughts on the subject, or attempting to smooth the way for my approval of your relationship?” Master Splinter asked.
“Uh, both?” Mikey peeked up at his father, not really wanting to admit he’d had a secret agenda at the time.
“Perhaps our discussions were your way of circumventing a perceived threat to your intended relationship with Raphael?” Master Splinter asked astutely.
Mikey hung his head again. “Seems like everybody figured out what I was trying to do,” he said.
“I assume that by ‘everybody’ you mean Leonardo,” Master Splinter said with a nod. “This is why you assumed that my being in your room was because your brother had told me of your intimate dalliances with Raphael. If he had known of it when you and I began our talks, then the argument you had with him would have occurred before tonight. Why would you feel the need to smooth your path with me as a way of removing Leonardo’s power over you if he did not have an inkling of the fact that you and Raphael were already engaged in a sexual relationship?”
“I, um . . . .” Mikey trailed off, not sure how to answer that question without giving away what had happened between Leo and Raph. Miserable, Mikey clamped his mouth shut.
“Ahh, I see,” Master Splinter said, sitting back and folding his hands in his lap. “Leonardo was already aware of Raphael’s proclivities, perhaps from an encounter of his own with his brother. That explains many things.”
“It wasn’t the same,” Mikey said fervently. “It was years ago too. I can’t . . . I can’t tell you about it ‘cause what happened is between them.”
“And it appears to have been a prelude to the bumpy relationship that Leonardo and Raphael have forged in the intervening years,” Master Splinter mused. “Raphael became aware of his sexuality at a much earlier age than the rest of you. Perhaps a need to have others submit to his will is a part of what angered him when Leonardo was chosen to lead.”
“Raph didn’t understand. He was stronger than Leo and a better fighter,” Mikey said, having no notion as to why he felt the need to defend Raph still.
Looking steadily into Mikey’s eyes, Master Splinter asked, “Does Raphael get rough with you when you ‘play’? Does he require that you submit to him in ways that are painful and perhaps degrading?”
“It’s my fault!” Mikey exclaimed, determined that Raph would not be blamed if everything was to come to light. “I found out by accident that I like it when he hurts me. I like it a lot. I pushed him until he gave in and agreed to do stuff with me.”
“’With you’, not ‘to you’,” Master Splinter said in a thoughtful tone. “That is a very telling turn of phrase my son. It denotes a certain equality in your relationship with Raphael. You do not have to relay specifics, but I am curious as to the level of trust your activities require between the two of you. Is it very high?”
Mikey contemplated that question for a moment, astounded at how perceptive his father was. “It’s high, like, super high. Raph is kinda scared sometimes to try stuff ‘cause he thinks he won’t be able to stop if it gets dangerous, but I’m . . . I mean I was showing him that he’s got more control than he gives himself credit for.”
“Yes, I would imagine that Raphael has spent years being eaten alive both by his resentments and his inner turmoil,” Master Splinter said. “I have tried with minimal success to show him that he is worthy of our devotion to him and that he is important to his family. There have been times when I have feared that his own rage would tear him apart. Despite the arguments which still occur between Leonardo and Raphael, I have sensed a tendency towards more balance within Raphael over the past two weeks.”
Chin quivering slightly, Mikey looked down again, fighting to control his emotions. “I thought maybe if he saw how much I trusted him and . . . cared, that he’d know he was special. He doesn’t want that. He just wants to get his kicks and keep it a secret. He probably won’t even come home now ‘cause he’s sure Leo knows everything and is gonna tell you.”
“I realized that as soon as Leonardo admitted that he had quarreled with you and Raphael became unreachable,” Master Splinter said. “Leonardo has allowed Raphael to believe that my learning of his sexual predilections would lead to serious consequences, has he not?”
“He thought you’d kick him out of the family,” Mikey said. “Worse than that, he’s afraid of how you’ll look at him; that you’ll be disgusted and tell him he’s a disappointment.”
With a deep sigh, Master Splinter shook his head. “Raphael has always had a greater need for my approval than do the rest of you.”
“I was kinda harsh during my fight with him,” Mikey confessed. “I walked out on him and he probably thought I’d blab about us as soon as I got home. I guess I just did.”
Master Splinter placed a reassuring hand on Mikey’s shoulder. “Do not beat yourself up over this, Michelangelo. I had already perceived much of what you have told me, you have only confirmed it.”
“Are you mad at me for not telling you all of this right from the start?” Mikey asked, his brow furrowed in sadness.
“Of course not,” Master Splinter assured him. “You were not ready. I knew that you would speak when the time was right.”
“I don’t know about right time,” Mikey said sorrowfully. “I kinda had to.”
They were silent again. After a moment, Master Splinter moved his hand from Mikey’s shoulder and set it on top of one of Mikey’s. The young turtle drew in a shaky breath and turned his hand over, holding his father’s as he’d done as a tot, drawing both love and support from him.
“There will be no practice tomorrow,” Master Splinter said in a low voice. “This family must have time to repair itself. I have already informed Leonardo of my decision in that regard and that I have also banned you all from leaving the lair until these current issues are resolved.”
Mikey’s head came up quickly. “But . . . but Raph won’t come home!”
Master Splinter squeezed his hand. “He will be home. As soon as I was informed that your brother could no longer be reached on his shell cell, I phoned Mr. Jones and asked him to relay a message to Raphael. He is to tell your brother that there will be no repercussions with regards to anything that has occurred and that Raphael is to return home.”
“Do you think he will?” Mikey asked.
“Yes I do. Raphael does not want to leave his home, my son. It is why he has been so adamant that you keep his secrets. Any assurance he gets that he will not be forced from here will bring him back,” Master Splinter said.
Mikey thought about that. He didn’t want for his family to split apart, he would never forgive himself. All of this was his fault; he should have never given in to temptation, he should have resisted his urges and never pursued Raph so ardently.
“Things have gotta go back the way they were,” Mikey murmured, almost as if no one else was present. “Leo will leave Raph alone then and Raph and I can just be brothers again.”
“Do you believe that it is possible to simply hit a reset button and nothing will have changed?” Master Splinter asked.
“Why not?” Mikey asked. “Raph didn’t want this, he’ll be happy to have me act like nothing happened. Leo won’t have to worry about us anymore and that’s all he wants.”
“And you, Michelangelo? What do you want?” Master Splinter asked gently.
“I know what I don’t want,” Mikey told him. “I don’t want to be the reason this family gets all screwed up.”
“Is that a good enough reason to relinquish the love you hoped that you would have?” Master Splinter asked.
“Yeah,” Mikey answered. There was a painful tightness in his chest as he said it, but he thought he could learn to live with that. “It’s the best reason. I was being selfish before and see what happened? I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially Raph, by being immature about stuff. If they see that I’m not dwelling on anything that happened then things can go back to normal.”
“It is an interesting supposition,” Master Splinter said, searching his son’s face. “We shall have to see where that notion leads. For now, you should get some sleep. I requested that Leonardo and Donatello do so before you returned and I must be in my own room before Raphael arrives. He will be skittish and a quiet lair will be his best assurance that he has not walked into a lion’s den.”
“I don’t think I can sleep,” Mikey said gloomily.
Master Splinter stood up and tugged at the blanket, forcing Mikey to rise enough so that his father could pull the blanket to the end of the bed.
“Lie down, my son,” Master Splinter instructed.
Mikey did as he was told, realizing that it would be pointless to argue with his father. He could lie awake in a prone position just as well as he could sitting up.
As soon as he was comfortable, Master Splinter laid his palm against Mikey’s forehead and placed the fingertips of his other hand to a spot at the base of Mikey’s neck. In seconds Mikey began to feel immensely drowsy and knew that his father had used his expertise in pressure points to make his child sleep.
Mikey’s eyes closed, his mind leaving his pain and worries behind as he fell into blissful unconsciousness. The last thing he felt was his father pulling the blanket over him and tucking him in.
TBC……………
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