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Foiled! Curses again?	By : I_write_badfic_not_tragedies Category: +S through Z > TaleSpin Views: 2508 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Talespin or any other Disney fandom. I make no money off of this fic. Please don't sue me.

Chapter List
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[Additional chapter warning: In heat/mating kink]
The pirates sat on the floor of the main bay, holding bags of ice to the lumps on their heads, as Karnage stretched out his… her? arms. The pirates’ eyes were teary from the pain. “That cured my headache. I feel much better! We should exercise more often,” Karnage said cheerfully.
“Yes, captain,” the wounded pirates said in unison through their pained tears.
“I imagine you have so many questions, yes?” Karnage asked.
“A… actually, we do, captain. We-“
Karnage gave them a glare through narrowed eyes that immediately silenced them. Their now emerald-green eyes were now considerably rounded, larger, and had thicker eyelashes than they had previously. Their eyebrows, however, had remained as bold as ever.
“The voodoo queen said she would have the curse reverse in a week,” Karnage waved them off. “Until then we continue on with the business as normal, are you understanding?”
“But… um… but boss, you’re… um… um… a girl,” Mad Dog whispered.
“I am still Don Karnage, the greatest pirate to ever stalk the skies!” they roared back angrily. “This changes NOTHING.”
“But, sir… ma’am… um… well… um… having a girl captain isn’t exactly… intimidating… please don’t hit me again…” Mad Dog nervously continued, raising his free hand to block his face.
“I am intimidating MAN OR WOMAN. Plusses, no one will even be able to tell under my coat!” they argued back, which was… only partially true. While the coat did technically cover everything, there was a remarkedly different shape in the chest area, and a few of the buttons looked a bit strained.
“What about the hair? What if you get hurt?!”
“I look fashionably handsome in everything, including bandanas,” they answered, arms crossed.
“Do you know who will get hurt if we do not go intimate some rubes right now? You will!”
That was all the encouragement the crew needed to go out on a raid, despite their aching heads. Karnage was still on a rampage despite having claimed to have calmed down earlier, and the crew was glad they had let him (her?) out to work off some of that anger.
One of the pilots they intercepted had foolishly noticed the tightness across the coat buttons and made a comment about gaining weight, and that was the first time they had seen their boss get angry enough to take the actual SEATS from a plane. Well, more like… just the seat cushions and padding. They were ‘kind’ enough to leave the framework. It wasn’t like the pirates needed seats. Their boss was just in that kind of mood. They then tied the pilots down to the exposed metal bolts and springs, with all their sharp edges, so that they’d have to fly the rest of the way back in extreme discomfort before they could get someone to cut the ropes.

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” Jock had whispered under his breath. They weren’t even finding particularly good cargo that day. Their boss was just out to be nasty for the sake of putting everyone unlucky enough to cross their path in an equally bad mood. The pirates kept working until their captain was on the brink of collapsing from exhaustion, which meant they were finally too tired to kick, hit, or pinch any longer.
That night, as everyone tried to sleep off the panic and weirdness of the previous day, a strange scent began to wander through the base. It wandered into the rooms of the pirate crew, causing them to squirm uncomfortably as fitful dreams filled their heads. Raw instinct was creeping into their heads that night, and they would feel it in the morning.
The proof of that started the following morning when, Mad Dog and Dumptruck were both banging at Karnage’s door far too early for any decent pirate to be awake. A very cranky Karnage answered with bleary eyes and droopy ears. The pirates noticed their captain had slept wearing pants and a t-shirt under their robe, when usually they wore nothing under it.
“Good morning, captain, I brought you breakfast!” Mad Dog declared, trying to shove a plate of eggs, donuts, and coffee into Karnage’s arms. Karnage took a step back in surprise, not used to having food practically thrown their way.
“But the one I brought is hotter!” Dumptruck argued, pushing Mad Dog to the side with his elbow.
Mad Dog retaliated as best he could against Dumptruck’s significantly larger mass. “The one I brought is better plated!”
“I have more eggs!”
“My donuts have more frosting. I also give a preddy mean Swedish massage,” Dumptruck interjected. “If you’re feeling stressed, I could-“
A very annoyed looking and not awake enough to deal with this nonsense Karnage reached out, took both coffees from the trays, and set the coffee down on their desk. They then put one hand under each tray and flipped them up so that the two fighting pirates each got a face full of donuts and eggs. They then slammed the door.
“I think that went well,” Dumptruck said optimistically. He had a donut stuck around each eye like a pair of thick glasses.
“Oh, shut up,” the literal egg-on-his-face Mad Dog grunted.
When Karnage was finally awake enough to get dressed and head out of their quarters, Jock and Hacksaw approached.
“I brought you the paper,” Hacksaw declared loudly.
Jock tried to block him, but his lack of height made that difficult. “I brought you Danger Woman comics.”
“The paper has comics,” Hacksaw growled, hip checking Jock.

“Yeah, well, the comics come with a coupon for Frosty Pep ice cream. You like Frosty Pep, don’t you boss?”
Uncharacteristically, Karnage not did say a word in response. Instead, they took the paper and the comic, and rolled them into a tube. Karnage then proceeded to thwack both across the face with the rolled-up newspaper before stomping away.
“Do you think we’re coming on too strong?” Hacksaw wondered.
“Nah, women just love to play hard to get!”
That was how the rest of the day went. Every time Karnage would try to do anything, one of the pirates would pop up with either a ridiculous gift or would rip whatever Karnage was working with right out of their hands and say they wanted to ‘help’. Inevitably within seconds, another pirate would appear shortly after and try to one-up the first. This would continue until they’d had water dumped over their heads, feet stomped on, doors slammed on their hands, and each been forced to eat a bouquet of flowers. It was giving Karnage an eye twitch. The other pirates would never admit it out loud, it was a lot harder to take the threats and violence seriously when they were coming from their more feminized boss. She looked cute when she was mad instead of threatening.
“Hal, have I ever expressed how much I appreciate your face?” Karnage asked Hal. They were hiding out from the other pirates in Hal’s room, absent-mindedly stirring at the tea Hal had prepared. He said it had relaxing properties.
“What bug has gotten into their ears?” Karnage finally demanded angrily, even though Hal had nothing to do with what was going on. “They are driving me like the bat up the walls! You are the only one who is not climbing the banana tree today.”
“Ah. Well, I think I understand that. I’m the only non-canid on the crew, so I’m the only one who isn’t bothered by the fact that you’re in heat,” he shrugged.
His boss gagged on the tea they were drinking, spitting half of it out on the table and down their shirt. “What- what in the seven pirate hells are you saying? Why would you say that?”
“Seriously, you can’t smell yourself?” Hal asked in confusion. “Even I can smell it, I just- well, canid doesn’t do it for me.”
Karnage pushed the tea away. “Excuse me, but I must go lock myself in my room and barricade the door until the voodoo queen has the curse reverse.”
Speaking of the voodoo queen… there was a black crow waiting on the window of Karnage’s room, a note tied around its leg. Karnage retrieved the note. “I have found a way to remove the emerald,” it read. “However, the spell can only be performed under the light of the full moon. Come to my island on the next full moon and I’ll remove the curse.”
The next full moon was nearly three weeks away. As Karnage removed their now tea-soaked shirt, they sniffed it curiously. Yes, there WAS a very distinct scent clinging to the fabric. It was a scent they associated with the whorehouses they would visit as celebration for a particularly good raid. From what little they knew about heat, and they could be very wrong, females generally weren’t receptive early in the cycle. That must have been why they weren’t feeling anything unusual yet, but it did explain why the crew was going insane.
Karnage debated running away and hiding, but… that would mean leaving Mad Dog or Dumptruck in charge for at least a week. Leaving them in charge for a DAY had previously almost led to disaster. Send everyone away on vacation and stay here? That might work. Pirate Island was probably the safest place to hide, if you removed the other pirates.
The problem was, where would the crew go? They were all wanted men, so it wasn’t like they could just go to a resort and sit on a beach. The amount of money Karnage would have to give each of them to allow for that was also… more than Karnage wanted to part with.
Karnage did have a radio in their room. Hal was safe. If Hal was the only one they allowed in and out to bring food, they could give orders through the radio. There were plenty of radio programs to listen to, and lots of books they hadn’t read yet. Staying in for a week or two seemed possible. They could claim a bad cold.
Karnage was unaware that the other air pirates had planned a late-night meeting about the situation. “She’s rejected every single one of us so far. We thought we could do this the gentlemanly way, but… perhaps we should do it the way wild dog packs do, and fight for her! Winner take all!” Jock said. He was one of those small dogs who thought he could take on the big dogs.
“Isn’t it… a little weird that we’re fighting about who gets to have sex with our boss?” Rachet asked. “I mean, consider what he’s normally like.”
“He isn’t normally a she, and he doesn’t have a tits and an ass like that. Desperate times leads to desperate men leads to desperate situations,” Mad Dog said.
“Does it have to be a fist fight? What about tests of wit? Strength? Agility?”
While the pirates were having a fight over how to have a fight, Karnage was already going out of their mind after staying locked in their room for only a few hours. They were not the sort to do well with limited freedom. It was as they were rolling around in boredom that they noticed how unusually quiet the base was. That was both a good and a bad thing. Good that they weren’t immediately up in Karnage’s face. Bad because Karnage always assumed that if the pirates being too quiet meant they were up to no good. Well, of course pirates were always up to no good, but there was the kind of no good Karnage liked and the kind of no good Karnage did not like. The second kind of no good tended to involve plots of mutiny.
As though confirming the captain’s suspicions, someone pounded on the door. Karnage opened it cautiously to find a panting Hal. “Come… come quickly… they’re going to kill each other!”
Karnage ran after Hal and found the pirates in what looked more like a mosh pit than an actual fist fight, owing to what a bad job at fighting most of them were doing. “WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING?!” Karnage demanded loudly. “DO I HAVE TO SLAP YOU NOT SILLY?!”
The fight somewhat broke up. Punches were still being thrown on the sly. “We are defending our right as hot-blooded, proud men,” Jock finally said, summoning up all that big dog energy.
“What right?”
None of them seemed willing to answer, but they didn’t need to. Karnage already had a pretty good idea of what was going on.
“If you are going to fight, you should fight at what pirates do best,” Karnage growled, arms crossed.
“What’s that, boss?”
“PIRATING, YOU IDIOT. PIRATING, PLUNDERING, PILFERING!”
“So, like a… steal-a-thon?” Mad Dog asked. “One who steals the most treasure wins… um… your treasure?”
“Wait, wait, I was not… I did not mean…” Shit. In their hurry to break up the fight, they had walked themselves into a corner.
“Fine… but… not JUST the most treasure! The most treasure with the most STYLE! If I am not impressed, no one wins.” That was their out. If no one could impress them, no one could win. Right?
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Foiled! Curses again?