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Beauties, Bounties and Bullets	By : neoraichu Category: -Misc Cartoons > General Views: 1251 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Loosely based on 'The Legend of Calamity Jane'. Calamity Jane, Wild Bill Hickok, Joe Presto, and others owned by Kid's WB. Annie Oakley is a historical figure. Not historically accurate. No money is being made off this story in any way.

Chapter List
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by neoraichu
"Welcome folks!" shouted Wild Bill as he stood out in the open, "to possibly the Greatest Show on Earth!!"
"You've been looking for an excuse to say that, haven't you?" muttered Annie as she covered her eyes with one hand. She was out in her finest buckskin dress and boots with both Peacemakers and her lever action rifle across her back.
"All year," he replied with a grin, "after all, why should I let some 'circus clown' get away with it?"
"PT Barnum is not,.." she sighed before she stopped, "Oh, never mind..."
Bill straightened his collar, as he too was wearing his finest black suit and boots.
Annie looked out among the crowd. "I need a volunteer with a good throwing arm," she mused. She pointed at Joe as she said, "You there. Can you help a lady?"
"Me?!" he asked.
"Go on, Joe," said Jane as she pushed him forward.
"Okay, okay," he grumble.
"I want you to look at these silver half-dollars," Annie said as she held them out in her hand.
"They're... coins..." he replied.
"So they haven't been shot in advance?" she asked.
"Heck no."
"And there's six coins?" she asked.
"I... I'm pretty sure that's six."
"Very well," she said as she put them in his hand, "I need you to throw these straight up as high into the air as you can." With her other hand, she drew a revolver.
He tossed the coins up hard and Annie opened fire, emptying her revolver in a little over a second. Coins scattered and fell around her including one she snatched out of the air with her open hand.
Showing the crowd, there was a hole clean through the middle.
"To prove this ain't a trick, my able assistant will collect the other five coins to prove that I hit all of them with one bullet each."
Joe blinked, and went about collecting the fallen coins.
"Have they all been hit?" she asked.
"Darn tootin'," he swore as he looked at the coins, "All'a them close to the middle."
The crowd hooted, hollored and waved their hands about.
"Give those coins out to the watchers," she suggested, so Joe passed out the coins (including one that went to Jane). When he was done, she waved him back over and gave him the coin she caught herself. "Thanks for the help, sweetie," she mused as she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.
Everyone could see Joe blush at that.
She used her gloved hands to gather the spent shells, placed them in her buckskin side bag, and then loaded in six more shots.
...
Meanwhile...
...
"While those fools are distracted by the shooting," said the masked robber, "We can just waltz in from the other side of town and clean out the bank."
He looked about at the nine other riders with him, all armed with revolvers (except for the one guy with the double-barrelled sawed-off coach gun.
"Just make sure that no one raises an alarm," he said as everyone pulled their masks up, "Keep the shooting to a minimum or our cover will be blown."
They all nodded. Shots rang out in the distance. Six shots in very rapid succession.
"This will be like taking candy from babies," he muttered as they rode into the north side of town.
...
And back at the show...
...
"Breaking nine plates with six shots?" asked Bill, "Isn't she amazing?!" They got another strong armed man to throw baked clay plates high into the air as fast as he could.
The crowd clapped their approval.
"Now having seen all that," mused Wild Bill, "Does anyone here think they can do better?"
"Besides you?" muttered Annie.
Jane didn't want to say anything, but Joe pushed her out of the crowd by surprise.
"Well look what we have here," announed Bill, "A contest between practical shooting and trick shooting. Doesn't that sound like fun?!"
"Oh.. well... ah..." replied Jane.
Annie walked over and looked her in the eyes.
For once, Jane felt awkward.
"Who runs the general store in these parts?!" she asked without looking.
"I do," said a non-descript man stepping forward.
She waved him over and handed him a silver dollar. "I need 12 cans of food," she mused, "It doesn't matter what as long as all the cans are the same size."
"Right away," he said as he ran off.
"What on earth are you up to?" asked Bill.
"A litle contest," she replied, "We're going to make two stacks of six cans each. Then you're going to call out a number from one to six. The challenge is to shoot the can you call out from the stack without knocking over any of the other cans."
Jane blinked.
"We take turns shooting until their can falls out, but as soon as more than one can falls, the other shooter is declared the winner."
"Are you up to this, Jane?" he asked.
"Yes!" she blurt out. Annie was so close, Jane could have just kissed her on the lips.
The store owner came back, and Annie made two stacks of cans on the fence around the mud-filled holding pen for the local pigs. Then she walked back. Jane and her drew their revolver.
"Alright," said Bill, "I choose... lucky three!"
"After you," said Annie.
Jane fired on the third can from the bottom, spraying corn across one side of the pen. The cans shook, but the third can didn't get knocked out, and no cans fell.
Annie fired on her can, spraying green peas about. Like Jane's shot, the can shook, but wasn't knocked out and none fell.
"The bank's being robbed!!" screamed a man running down the street towards them, "The bank's being robbed!!"
"What in tarnation?!" asked Joe.
They could see mounted men coming down the street after the runner. Their revolvers were out. Jane saw them and ran for cover, but Annit remained out in the open as she pulled her other revolver.
A shot rang out. The man clutched his thigh as blood spurt out, screaming as he fell to the dirt road.
"Dammit!" shouted one robber, "Kill that loud mouth! I promised that anyone who raised an alarm was going to DIE!"
"There's some crazy woman in our way with two guns!" shouted another.
"Then shoot her too, you idiots!"
The mounted men opened fire on her, but she stood her ground. A number of bullets tore grooves in her buckskin clothes, with one or two just grazing her skin on the way by. It was fortunate that none of the men shooting at her were actually good and firing from a moving horse or surely one of them seriously would have hit Annie.
Annie's revolvers blazed away as the robber's guns went flying from the suddenly numb hands. While they stopped to nurse their hands, the last man rode forward. His horse decided no to trample the man in the way, not that the ride cared one way or another.
"DAMN IT WOMAN!" he cussed as he pulled the coach gun, "I DON'T NORMALLY SHINE TO SHOOTING WOMENFOLK, BUT NO DECENT WOMAN SHOOTS A GUN!"
Annie's eyes went wide as the shotgun was all but shoved in her face.
A blur of black and red flashed across as Annie was knocked out of the way. A double load of buckshot simply tore up the dirt road instead. There was a splash as two bodies tumbled over the fence and landed in the mud.
"Drop the gun or I swear I'll drop you!" swore Bill who was now holding his six shooter.
The man looked at all the drawn guns and dropped his coach gun as ordered.
"Are you alright, Miss?" asked muddy Jane as she looked into muddy Annie's eyes.
Instead of speaking, Annie wrapped her hands behind Jane's head and pulled her into a mouth on mouth full kiss.
"Well I wasn't expecting this show..." muttered Bill as he looked at the ladies.
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Beauties, Bounties and Bullets