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Being Human	By : RotSeele Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > AU/AR-Alternate Universe-Alternate Reality Views: 2485 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim. I do not make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Being Human
- 2-Two
- 3-Three
- 4-Four
- 5-Five
- 6-Six
- 7-Seven
- 8-Eight
- 9-Nine
- 10-Ten
- 11-Eleven
- 12-Twelve
- 13-Thirteen
- 14-Fourteen
- 15-Fifteen
- 16-Sixteen
- 17-Seventeen
- 18-Eighteen
- 19-Nineteen
- 20-Twenty
- 21-Twenty One
- 22-Twenty-Two
- 23-Twenty-Three
- 24-Twenty-Four
- 25-Twenty-Five
- 26-Twenty-Six
- 27-Twenty-Seven
- 28-Twenty-Eight
- 29-Twenty-Nine (Epilogue)
- 2
- 3
- 4
Three – Zim’s POV
Unlike her big brother, Gaz had gotten a well-paying job in the city designing and testing video games. It had gotten her out of her father’s shadow and established her as an independent power in their family. She had her own apartment, which Dib had never seen (so he claimed). She was the one human I seemed to be able to get along with. Probably because she thought I was as much of an idiot as her older brother was. Whatever the reason, I figured I’d end up owing her big time, so I was prepared for the verbal assault no doubt waiting for me.
It wasn’t hard to locate her office. The hard part was getting in. I was aware of the stares I was getting as I stood in the lobby waiting for Gaz. I mean, it’s not every day you see a five-foot, greenish-skinned, red-eyed, black-haired human, so by the stares I could tell that these insects had some shred of intelligence.
I fought the urge to start tapping my foot and instead folded my arms over my chest and dug my new nails into the flesh of my arms, glowering at the floor and wondering how many ways I could cause spontaneous combustion in the humans watching me. Then she blew into the lobby like a solar storm and grabbed me by my wrist. “This better be important,” Gaz growled at me as she dragged me toward the elevator.
“It is,” I said. “Kind of.”
She glared at me with enough intensity I should’ve burst into flames. Though she was a little past seventeen, she already looked the part of a female in her prime. Today, her hair was a ridiculous shade of purple-green. She’d pierced her lip a few years back, nearly sending her dad into an epileptic fit, so a small metal ring was currently looped over her bottom lip. Her eyes were shaded by purple and her lips were shaded black. Next to me, her lily-white skin looked tan.
“So what do you want, Zim?” she growled as the elevator door swooshed closed.
I took a breath. “I need your help.”
“My what?”
“Help?”
“What for?”
“Getting even with Dib.”
She gave me an arch look. “As much as I love torturing my brother, helping you get even with him is definitely not going on my to do list.”
“Gaz,” I started to protest.
She shook her head. “Nope. You’re on your own.” The elevator door swooshed open to her floor and I had to hurry to follow her back to her office.
“Gaz, would you just listen?” I snapped when we’d reached her office.
She glowered at me and helped up her hand. “You have five seconds, and then I’m calling security.”
“But–”
“Four seconds.”
“You bitch.”
“Yep. Three seconds.”
I took a shuddering breath to control my anger and then told her everything in one huge breath. Judging by the way she was staring at me thoughtfully, I was either about to be murdered or she was considering helping me. I figured it was the former.
“Okay.” She said at last.
I blinked. “’Okay’?” I repeated, a little dumbfounded.
“Okay. Yeah, I’ll help you. You have no skills when it comes to interacting with young adult humans.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “What does that mean?”
“Do you even know what college students do, Zim?”
I opened my mouth to answer. But I didn’t have a retort. I couldn’t argue with her at all. So I closed my mouth and sighed. “No.”
“And do you even have an idea of what major you want?”
“Major?”
“I suppose you could go in undeclared, but I wouldn’t recommend it.” She plopped down into her huge leather chair and turned on her computer. I hurried around her desk to join her.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Dib thinks he’s the only genius in our family, thinks I can’t do anything but be a bitch–”
“You are a bitch.”
“Do you want my help or not?” Gaz glowered at me and I held up my hands. She turned her attention back to her computer and I let out a quiet sigh of relief. “I’m hacking his school’s mainframe. We’re going to make you a student there.”
“Great.” I said dryly. “A student for what?”
“I’m sure you thought along the same lines – if you can successfully sneak into the school, hell, successfully befriend my brother without giving yourself away until the end of the game, he’ll have no choice but to acknowledge our skills.”
“’Our’, huh?”
“Well, you came to me for a reason, and I don’t think you’re stupid.”
I honestly didn’t know how to respond to that. “You used to.” I finally said.
“I thought both of you were royal fucktards for the shit you guys did back then,” Gaz looked at me, a grin on her face, “but I didn’t think you were lacking in intelligence.”
“I think that’s a compliment.”
“Whatever.” Gaz typed away at the keys and returned her attention to the screen. The silence stretched between us as she typed. Multiple windows opened and closed as Gaz typed codes into her computer. Finally a window opened that listed more names than I’d ever seen in my life. “We’re in.” Gaz said, cracking her knuckles. “Okay, first, let’s create your schedule.”
“Schedule?”
“Please don’t tell me you were seriously planning to go there and just pretend to belong there?” Gaz gave me an arch look and I looked away, unable to meet her gaze. “Whatever.” She said at last. “Let’s see. Giving you all the same classes as my brother would be stupid. I don’t think you’d be able to contain yourself.”
“You don’t know what I’m capable of.” I grumbled.
“Don’t I?”
A shiver crawled over my skin from the deliverance of those two words. “Just… just don’t give me something stupid.” I didn’t quite beg, but judging by the smirk on her face, she heard the tone in my voice.
“SAT scores… above normal. Ah, here we go, advanced placement chemistry, and English lit. Your major will be… history.”
“History?” I asked. “Why that?”
“Because you’re a dumbass, that’s why.” Gaz typed a few more letters and sat back to admire her handiwork. “There. These are your classes.”
I leaned over her shoulder to peer at the screen. I had six classes: chemistry, calculus, world civilizations, English literature, American history, and Ancient history. I looked at Gaz. “I don’t understand why you picked history for me."
“Call it an insurance policy.” Gaz replied, folding her arms over her chest. “History can teach you all sorts of things. Strategy, warfare, intelligence. Dib never really paid much attention to strategy when he fought you. He only paid attention enough to beat you.”
“So you’re giving me an edge?”
“Only if you pay attention. Now, for your alias.” She shoved me out of the way and resumed typing on her keyboard. “Here we go, freshmen directory. New student… perfect.”
I hovered over her shoulder and watched words fly across the screen, codes, and pure text. Gaz was absolutely amazing, though I knew it stemmed from getting revenge on her brother.
“Do you have anything in particular you want me to say about you? Allergies? Like to water?” she grinned.
I planted my fist into the top of her head. “I’m not allergic to anything anymore.” She punched me in the side in return. I doubled over, gasping.
“Fine. No allergies. Perfect health. Here’s your physical. Thank god no one uses paper filing anymore.” Gaz hummed as she typed away. Then she paused. “Shit,” she said, “I forgot about your PAK.”
I shrugged. “I can detach it while I’m out playing human. As long as no one messes with it while I’m away, I’ll be fine.”
“Alright. I guess you’ll figure it out when you get there. You’ll have a roommate, you know. Possibly more.”
“I’ll figure something out,” I growled.
Gaz shrugged and returned her fingers to the keys. “Now, let’s make you an ironclad persona. Because Dib is definitely going to check it out when he sees you.”
“He’s a paranoid fruitcake,” I agreed.
“Zim, don’t insult the fruitcake by equating it with Dib.”
I shook my head and watched text appear on the screen. Birth certificate, parents’ names, their income, high school record, middle school, elementary school – Gaz was being incredibly thorough and that thought scared me. I was beginning to think that she was starting to enjoy this way too much.
“Alright,” she said after almost an hour of silence. “Now you just need a name.”
I leaned to see the screen. I was supposed to be eighteen years old, originally from somewhere in the Midwest. My parents were both ambassadors to other countries, so they could never be reached, and I was an only child. She’d given me a life that would be easy to remember if I was ever questioned on it.
“I got it,” Gaz said, snapping her fingers. She typed a name into the appropriate box and leaned back, grinning.
I read, “Zeke Isaiah Michaels.” I stared at the screen for a long time before I slowly turned my gaze onto Gaz. “You realize those initials spell my real name, right?”
“Well, duh, dumbass. You can’t have some ridiculous outlandish name. That’d give you a red flag in Dib’s book. This is simple. Suave. Easy to remember.”
“I hate you.”
“Suck it.” I watched as Gaz typed a few more things into the screen, more information she said I wasn’t required to remember. I’d remember it anyway, once I stored all of the data in my PAK, which I was planning to do before I left her office. Then one minute detail made itself apparent to me.
“Gaz.”
“Hm?”
“Who’s paying for this?”
“Oh.” An evil grin spread over her face. I swore her eyes glowed red and there was this black miasma roiling around her head. I held my ground, trying not to let the predator sense my fear. “I figure it’s the least my dad can do.” Gaz said airily. “He’ll never notice anyway. He’s too busy doing whatever to really notice where his money disappears off to anyway.”
“Right,” I let the word hang and watched Gaz put the finishing touches on my new identity. When the electronic files were on their merry way to the school’s databanks, Gaz slowly swiveled her chair to face me. I stared at her, feeling a cold shiver start up my spine.
“Why are you staring at me like that?”
A slow smile spread across her lush lips. “It’s time for a makeover, Zim, dear.”
I’m pretty sure Mars could hear my scream.
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Being Human