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The Ones Left Behind Catra Adora Fic	By : LotornoMiko Category: +S through Z > She-Ra Views: 9502 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the fandom of SHe-ra Princess of Power. Nor do I make money off of this fic or the She-ra fandom.

Chapter List
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It is with a precise carefulness that I walk, my steps slow, and measured to the sway of the boat. To an outside observer, I would appear to be one who is used to the unsettling bobbing the sea's waters forces the boat to take, but I know better. Should the waters turn violent from the churning of a storm, I would soon be knocked down on the planks, scrabbling desperately for something to grab a secure hold of.
Fortunately, this three day journey has been nothing but smooth sailing. The clear skies a blessing from the Gods. I can only wish that we be so lucky in other areas as we have been with the weather, thinking of what awaits us once we make port. The true journey will begin, I, along with several of trusted allies, will be boarding a ship of a different kind. That ship will take us where this wave rider can not, our journey reaching beyond the stars, to another planet entirely.
Argo. It is a world I have never been to. But I knew of it. Even before the fiasco where a faulty Argonian power cell had nearly destroyed all of Etheria, I had known of Argo. Everyone in the Horde, perhaps everyone in this part of the universe had known of Argo. We certainly knew of their power cells, and what they were capable of. It wasn't power unlimited, but it came close, the cells holding vast amounts of energy each. One cell alone could destroy a planet, just as easily as it could protect it, forming a shield that nothing and no one could get through.
That shield was why the Horde had never been able to gain a steady supply of the power cells. That they had been unable to invade the planet, forced to play scavenger, taking whatever cells they could find off ships that had strayed far from the Argonian world. And what the Horde had done with the power cells that they had gained access to, had been horrific, devastating the people, the rebellions, even entire worlds that had dared fight against them.
I have seen the devastation with my own eyes. Hell, I've even thrown the switch of weapons fueled by stolen power cells, watching unfeeling as those monstrosities attacked and killed innocents whose only crimes were trying to fight to keep their land free. My hands have run red with the blood of those I helped kill, and even a lifetime of good as She-ra AND Adora, will not help me to atone for all the evil I've done in the past.
I shiver, cold not from the sea breeze, but from the memory of my past. From the memories that haunt me, the hazy bits of flashbacks that I can't always properly recall, a direct effect of Shadow Weaver's magic having tampered with my mind. Once it had made me cold, unfeeling, made me think the Horde was justified in doing what they had done. I had truly believed the worlds we had invaded, we had helped, had improved upon. I know better now, and shudder in revulsion to think I ever could be so deluded, even under Shadow Weaver's many spells.
My past weighs heavily upon me, never far from my thoughts. Nor do I allow others to make excuses for it, refusing to not cast blame upon myself. I don't care that I had been kidnapped, a mere baby just days old. I don't care that I had been brainwashed, conditioned by years of abuse, and magic. Nor do I care that I spent the first 21 years of my life in what amounted to a drugged haze, most of my emotions cut off from me, all in some twisted effort to allow me to function at my most evil best. I don't care that I was as much a victim as the people that I had hurt, that I bear deep emotional scars still. I throw myself into my work, into the rebellion, into heroics as both She-ra and Adora. I've turned my back on my family, on returning to my birth land, all in an attempt to somehow right the wrongs of my past.
I can't bring back the dead. And maybe I'm not yet powerful enough to stop the threat of the Horde once and for all. But I'll keep on fighting, keep on doing everything I can to get in their way. I can't claim it's easy, living a life as a traitor to the Horde. Even as the darling of the Rebellion, there are still many on Etheria that don't trust me, that still remember me as the lethal force captain Adora. Trust takes time to win, my sins against the people of Etheria still vivid in many's minds.
It would be easier simply to return to Eternia. Easier to play the princess I was meant to be, to embrace the family stolen from me. I can't lie and say that some days I am not tempted, that some days I don't want to take Spirit and return to my birth land. The burdens placed on my shoulders, some put there by myself, and by the people who depend on She-ra and the Rebellion, is heavy, and I am only one woman. Powerful though I may be as She-ra, even I can give in to weakness and feel weary. Some days I just want to give it all up, forget both my life in the Horde, and my life in the Great Rebellion.
Those days are my hardest. My lowest. The days when I grasp for any semblance of relief, self medicating, drinking, even whoring in a desperate attempt to forget for just a little while. But no matter how much I drink, or how many drugs I take, I can't ever get to that point of not feeling anything at all, nor do I like the hard truths my choices in partners bring to light about what I am truly missing.
Or rather whom. Because I remember. And I don't want to. But there were real moments, not clouded by Shadow Weaver's magic. Moments of intimacy that went beyond sex and and cruelty. Of long nights of passion that reached past the haze I was in, to truly touch inside me. To where I felt something, was downright happy, infatuated, dare I say it in love.
The lone sliver of light in a shroud of darkness, the times I spent alone with Catra were the only times I truly lived in all my years with the Horde. Every kiss, every touch, stolen or otherwise, breathed life and vitality into me, bringing a rush of exhilaration the likes of which I had never experienced and had yet to since then. Not even the power that infuses me as She-ra compares to the feelings, the passion I had experienced when in Catra's arms. And just like everything else about my past life in the Horde, this too haunts me.
I think about Catra often. The thoughts don't stop even when I want them too. I remember the feel of her skin against mine, the heavy weight of her breasts in my hands, how soft and pliant they had felt to my fingers' touch. I still remember the smell of her hair, the heady jasmine of her shampoo, the sweet taste of her lips, and the rumbling purrs of approval she voiced at my fingers' caress between her legs.
I could always make her shiver and shake, dance to the touch of my fingers. Just as she could coax screams from my throat, her fingers and mouth working me over masterfully. No woman, or man for that matter, has ever brought me the way Catra has, no one has ever even come close.
But it isn't just the sex I miss. It's the closeness. The nights spent in each others' arms, snuggled close and talking. Whispering secrets, sharing laughs. Making plans for a life beyond that of the Horde, but knowing it would never come to be. Uniting together against the other force captains. Even celebrating victories. So many little moments to build on. So many moments that should never have been. That wasn't the life I was supposed to have had. And it was a life I was rejecting, doing my best to atone for. I couldn't, shouldn't, cling to, to the one good part of it, the one part that could prove to be my greatest temptation, my greatest weakness. Catra could prove my downfall, if I let her, and with me, all of Etheria would fall.
I refuse to let that happen, doing all I can to stay away from her. Clashes between the Horde and the Rebellion are inevitable, She-ra often coming up against Catra or one of the many other Force Captains. But I've always been careful to keep out of Catra's grip as Adora. I fear I'd succumb all too easily to one of her kisses, but as She-ra, Catra's only interest in her is to kill. She won't do a thing to seduce She-ra, won't try to lure her to her side with sweet kisses and tempting caresses.
A part of me knows I won't be able to avoid Catra for much longer. That inevitably our paths will cross. And yet I keep foolishly asking for more time, hoping the Gods will grant me that time to prepare myself for coming reckoning. As if somehow, my heart will have readied itself, losing the love it has for that beguiling female.
Today is not that day. The feelings I have for Catra bloom as strong now as they did six months ago, the pain of our separation just as poignant now as it was then. I still find myself drawn to black haired beauties, wanting to fill the void in my life with even just a look alike of her. But I don't limit my partners to one specific look, to conscious of how scrutinized my every action is as one of the leaders of the Great Rebellion.
Take the man approaching me now. Decidedly not female, he is tall, ruggedly handsome, and very muscular. Broad of chest, he has fiery red hair that even colors his trim little beard. His dark eyes seem to gleam in the sunlight, and his walk is decidedly more confidant than mine was on this ship. But he's had years to practice, making his living out on the open sea.
"There you are, Adora." He greets me, but he's not smiling.
I look up at him, and inwardly sigh. He's not thinking of sex at the moment, and that means he'll want to have a talk I want to avoid. "I didn't expect you to be up and dressed for at least another hour, Seahawk." I say to the pirate.
"I didn't expect that either, till I woke up to an empty bed." He complained.
"I just couldn't sleep." That was all I offered as way of an explanation.
"You could have woken me up then. We could have talked." I must have winced then, Seahawk's lips twitching in frown. "But you wanted to avoid that, didn't you?"
There's nothing I can truly say that wont be a lie, and he knows it. I don't even shrug, pretending the flapping of a loosening canvas sail is suddenly the utmost in fascinating. Workers have noticed it too, shouting out orders, the men moving efficiently to lash and tighten the sail before it snaps free and unravels completely. We won't lose even seconds off our time, might even reach the port earlier than expected.
And then Seahawk is laying fingers on my cheek, a gentle brush of them in an attempt to get me to look back at him. Holding in my sigh, I turn with his fingers urgings. lifting my eyes to meet his dark gaze. The concern there only annoys me. I like it much better when he looks at me with an appetite for sex and appreciation for what I can offer.
"Adora...." He starts to say, but I step past him.
"There's still so much to do." I say, my tone light. "I want to go over the castle blue prints Larg sent over once more. Check the supplies we're brining....contact Frosta and Castaspella one last time."
"The Queens run whole kingdoms." Seahawk said, "They will have no problem maintaining the Rebellion in your absence. As for the other tasks, Bow and Glimmer can see to them."
"I can't just leave all the work on their shoulders...."
"Nor can you put all of it on your own!" Seahawk snapped, grabbing hold of my arm. I could tell his annoyance made him rougher than he meant to be, his movements jerky as he spun me around to face him. "Adora, you must stop and take a moment for yourself..."
"I've taken several moments." I almost smirk them, my gaze bold as I look at him. "Earlier with you." I remind him sweetly, running fingers over the front of his chest. He hadn't bothered to put a shirt on, hurrying out to look for me clad only in his boots and trousers.
Now his hand moved to cover mine, trapping it in place over his heart. "I can't put into words how happy it makes me, the times you choose to do that with me."
"Then why do I feel a complaint about to be voiced?" I muttered under my breath. He picked up on my tension, his own energy reacting to it. Seahawk wasn't exactly flustered, but it became all too apparent he was unhappy.
"It doesn't mean anything to you, does it?" His smile was almost sad. "I don't mean anything...."
"That's not true." I quickly reply. "I consider you a great friend. Not to mention one of my greatest supports, and an ally of the rebellion." But even I knew the words rang hollow. For Seahawk didn't want to be just a friend to me. And apparently he was tired of being used as one of my sexual outlets as well. I can't say I was surprised. Not when I had noticed all the signs, Seahawk having started to act more and more like he was falling in love with me. I should have pushed him away at the first instant of affection, but fool that I am I had deluded myself into thinking that maybe this time would be different. That maybe with Seahawk, I could move on. Could forget my past, forget the Horde, forget HER.
"I...I'm sorry." Again I looked away, staring down at our feet on the wooden planks.
"Why are you apologizing?" A caress of his hand on my cheek, my eyes closing at that touch.
"Because I can't give you what you want." I practically whisper it. "I can't give you any kind of true commitment, can't be anything more than your friend. You deserve better than this Seahawk....better than me."
"Hey!" He snapped out an admonishment. "Don't put yourself down like that!" But I could see the disappointment in his eyes. It made me wonder if he had truly thought a different outcome had been possible from confronting me about our relationship and the oddity of it, or if even going in, Seahawk had known he was going to come away hurt and disappointed.
"I mean it." Seahawk continued. "I know you think you have a lot to atone for, for the things in your past. For the things you were brainwashed to do as a member of the Horde but....Adora, you can't walk around hating yourself all the time, you know?"
"Enough people will do that for me..." I murmur, thinking that at least half the population of Etheria still thought badly of me, or at the very least mistrusted me. I didn't want to even think about the other worlds I had been to, the other worlds I had helped the Horde invade.
"Fuck 'em." Seahawk said harshly. "You're doing good now. If they can't appreciate the present over the past, then to hell with 'em I say!"
I found myself nodding, though inside I didn't truly believe it. The past affected the present, old evils being hard to forget, to atone for. It was impossible to right every wrong, but with Seahawk, there was at least one thing I could do for him that would be purely unselfish.
"I'll have my things moved out of your private cabin." He looked surprised, but he didn't protest. "I'll go bunk with Glimmer for the rest of this trip."
"Yeah." He said after a long moment. "Yeah, probably for the best."
It is not easy to get over love. I know that first hand. As much as I would have loved to continue using Seahawk as an occasional lover, it would be cruel, and wholly unfair to him. It would be like giving a starving man a taste of what he could never truly have.
I wasn't happy with the new accommodations, but knew quitting Seahawk cold turkey was what was best for him. I meant it when I said I considered him a friend, and out of respect for that friend, I considered the rest of his pirates off limits to me. I would gamble and drink with them, but I wouldn't fuck any of them, even as need built inside me to the point my roommate Glimmer began to invade my dreams.
By the time we reached port, I was practically jumping out of my skin. I wanted, NEEDED to fuck someone. And I almost didn't care who. I'd make my excuses, taking the first available chance to slip off to scout out the town. I wasn't the only one, Seahawk's pirates spreading throughout the town streets, gathering information, checking to make no unwanted horde presence had invaded this port land.
I chose a tavern as my basis of operation. But it wasn't for mead, but a thirst of a different kind I wanted to quench. Within minutes I had chatted up a pretty tavern wench, a beauty with hair so dark a blue it was practically black, and an intense sapphire colored gaze.
I first thought she didn't know who I truly was, but it soon became apparent that everyone knew. That everyone had been waiting with great eagerness for the arrival of the Rebellion representatives. That so many knew, it should have set me on edge, but I was distracted, consumed with thoughts of how I could get the tavern wench naked rather than worry over who might have had the chance to betray us to the Horde. Not all the people of Etheria are good, some are greedy, and many are desperate enough to sell whatever they can for a bit of Horde money.
And the Horde would have paid thousands if not millions of credits for the chance to know just where the rebellion representatives were to meet their Argonian escorts. After all, the Horde did not want the Rebellion to even have the chance to speak before the Argonian's new queen, let alone for us to get a chance to attain our own deal for a supply of power cells for our own use. We were a threat, even more so than usual, and the Horde should have been doing just about everything it could to stop us from leaving with the Argonians.
I considered it a small miracle that we had made this far, leaving the safety of the Whispering Woods, to travel over the open seas. And not one time had I had to transform into She-ra. We had been lucky, and it wouldn't couldn't, last.
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To Be Continued....
I had the first 11 KB written about a week ago. But when it came time for Seahawk and Adora to actually talk...well....my brain balked at the conversation. Figures I work on it today when I am having the worst insomnia of my life! Hope it doesn't suck completely....
I hope people aren't getting impatient that there's not graphic sex scenes every chapter. This is ending up to be plot heavy and or, emotional/though driven story. Seems I can only do sex scenes if it is a one shot...otherwise plots get in the way. *face palm.*
I was also trying to set up a scene between Adora and the bar girl...a little sex scene. I may still do it yet, like open four with some sex between them that gets interrupted by the arrival of the escorts We shall see.
I just feel really sick right now from lack of sleep. So I hope the second half of this chapter doesn't completely suck. -_-
----Michelle
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The Ones Left Behind Catra Adora Fic