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Pedo or Xeno	By : Andyouthinkimcrazy Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > Slash - Male/Male Views: 7330 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim or The Dog Whisperer. I don't make any money off of this.

Chapter List
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Note: I don't think there's anything to disclaim for this chapter! X3 So enjoy as we finally draw closer to some action! Still quite a bit of humor though... but there probably won't be for much longer... X3 I'm too excited to fit in all of the stuff I have in mind for Zim! And, well, it probably won't be all that funny. *cough* Not to mention that I've even thought of some things to happen to Zim after he's been sexed.

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Zim walked on for quite a while-until he was certain Dib had been left far behind-before he turned to the little dog that obediently followed behind him: leash or no. With a sigh the alien spoke, “That Dib! He tries to ruin everything!” he ranted at Gir who only tilted his head; he gave the impression of a dog listening to a high-pitched noise rather than his master. Zim didn’t notice, he wasn’t even looking as he continued on for minuets on end. Finally he seemed to be drawing to a close, “When I make him my dog-beast-slave he will wish he’d never met me! We will rule him, Gir! Just like the Seezar and his rottiewhillies! He will submit to the mighty Irken—“

“Hey, excuse me.”

Zim whirled at the sound of an unfamiliar voice, magenta eyes seeming to burn the full force of his glare into the adult human. The human, of course, was not aware of it at all even as Zim screeched, “You dare to interrupt the almighty Zim!?” gloved hands curled tightly together in silent hatred.

The man only continued to smile his brainless human head away, blue eyes flickering all around as if he couldn’t decide what to look at. He... was so disgustingly human; he almost wished he was back with Dib. At least Dib was a stink-beast with brain meats that didn’t leave him as brainless as, well, this guy... not that the chance of being discovered was a much better situation.

“Your dog ran off.” The man explained at last while holding up a slobbered on shoe that was obviously one of the ones mom-bot had stowed in the fridge-thingy, “I tried to catch him, but he’s a pretty agile little puppy.”

Zim eyed the human with distaste, “Fool Earth-beast, you don’t chase a dog! He probably thought you were playing!” Zim was about to extract the item from his Pak to call Gir when he noticed how closely the human was watching; disturbed by this, Zim hid the device again before it could be seen peeking out.

Once the man had Zim’s attention again he spoke, “I’ll help you find him! I know it can be scary to lose your pet!” Zim opened his mouth to protest but what that human said next stopped him, “You’re a little young to be wandering alone, aren’t you? Where’s your mom?”

Zim froze a moment, wide eyes panicked before he managed to reply, “Zim is perfectly capable of walking by himself! I am...” he paused again: trying-and failing-to recall the ages of the human students. He briefly recalled some birthday party... thing he hadn’t been invited to, but he couldn’t remember the age. He continued quickly, “... twenty! Yes! Old enough to walk by myself!” he concluded with a nod of his head.

“Twenty?” the man asked somehow smart enough to know Zim was lying, though he had no clue that Zim was much older than he claimed, not younger, “You look like you’re only eight...”

Zim was fuming his teeth barring as he glared up at the male; his hidden antennae arched against the wig aggressively, though it did not move the hair piece, “I am no smeet!” he hissed, claws flexing viciously, though the human seemed not to pay the threat any mind. Oh! For that the man would pay!

“I never said you were!” the man replied, arms up in mock-defence as he denied the accusation of the word that made no sense to his pitiful human brain. Zim seemed satisfied with the fear and decided that was enough of a punishment for now; he really needed to find Gir and continue his plan and that was something easily done away from watchful human eyes.

Abruptly Zim turned and began to march away; the man, however, was persistent, “Where are you going?” he asked, quickly catching up to the alien with his long-for-no-reason legs; Zim cursed human life once more, “Your puppy didn’t run off that way.”

“I have no time for you and your human suggestions!” Zim growled, attempting to hurry away; though his shorter legs did nothing to increase the distance. He wished he could use his Pak legs: there’d be no catching him if he could scramble up a building and call on Gir from a rooftop.

The man seemed somewhat baffled by the response, but he carried on following the little alien despite the other’s protest, “What did you say his name was?” the man asked conversationally before answering his own question: Zim was beyond annoyed, “Gir, right?”

The Irken didn’t know how this man knew his robot’s name, but he could only assume that Gir had mindlessly screamed it out when he ran off... though he didn’t think that Gir bothered with that. He was more likely to scream about tacos, or waffles, or a piggy; but it didn’t really matter how this man knew the unit’s name, as long as he believed Gir to be a dog he was safe.

“Shut up, filth-man!” Zim growled as he marched on; just why was this human still trailing him all... Dib-like? Did he already know that Zim was not a puny Earth-monster? Zim stopped dead at that, though it looked very normal as they had approached an intersection. He cut the trailing human a glance filled with suspicion, wondering if this man was teamed up with Dib, before starring at the cars that passed him, “Will you stop following me!?”

“I can’t.” The blond human shook his head firmly only confirming Zim’s suspicions with that reply... until, “Would you like a candy?” It didn’t seem like a plan the Dib-stink would come up with to catch him and Zim had no parents to tell him not to take candy from strangers. He was all too thrilled-inwardly so-with the offer; he nodded slightly and picked out a cherry candy that the human soon produced for him.

As he crossed the street Zim continued, “You’re with the Dib, aren’t you?” fake eyes watched for any change in demeanour, but all he saw was confusion on that filthy human face.

“Dib? Is that an acronym? Delivers Idiotic Beef?” Zim was silent for a moment, his fiddling with the candy on pause as he looked back at the human. After a few seconds he burst out into a wicked laughter.

Before he put the candy into his mouth Zim replied, “Close, human scum! Delivers Idiotic Beliefs!” The man laughed along with Zim, not really knowing why a simple change to one word was much funnier. He really didn’t know that this ‘Dib’ was a paranormal investigator constantly trying to seek out aliens, bigfoot, and other fantastical creatures. Beef was funnier to him.

Of course, so was the candy now swirling around in Zim’s mouth, “Tell me,” he began, suppressing the evil snickers that wanted to overcome his carefully constructed façade, “What’s your name?”

“It’s Zim...” The alien replied, not really sure why he was still talking with this human, “... and I’m...” Zim’s reply suddenly petered off into silence; an internal alarm stopping him with a warning from his Pak: ‘Poison found. Unconsciousness in twenty-eight seconds. Chance of survival sixty-two percent. Purging initiated.’

Zim was barely able to comprehend the message before he doubled over: cherry candy, poop soda, and partially digested waffles splattering the pavement and mixed with blue-ish bile. He dropped to his knees then and curled his arms protectively around his squeedlyspooch as if he could stop his Pak’s survival techniques.

“Oh!” He heard the human man cry, followed by the sound of his body dropping next to him on the sidewalk. Arms curled around his body and for a moment Zim tried vainly to escape before retching again to further expel the toxin, “My poor son!”

Zim tried to growl out a protest about his supposed parental unit’s truthfulness, but it came out as an uncomfortable moan. Another Pak message reached Zim then, ‘Purge complete. Chance of survival ninety-eight percent. Unconsciousness in five seconds.’

Weakly Zim shoved at the human but was unable to escape with his already exhausted state. As he began to black out the Irken could hear the man’s voice calmly addressing the humans who had stopped around them in curious worry; but he just couldn’t make anything out.
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Pedo or Xeno