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In It For The Long Haul	By : saiyanqueenvega Category: +S through Z > South Park Views: 3984 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own South Park, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
In it for the Long Haul
Chapter 3:
“Just One Teaspoon can Kill You”
Chapter Rating:
PG/PG-13 depending on how anal you want to be...
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Cartman’s POV

It's been almost a month since Pip's French ass changed our loose knit foursome into a fivesome. Pft... He's still a little fag, but I think I hate him less than Kyle. AND, it should be entertaining to see what happens when school starts back up and Stan tries to parade around with Pip. That hippy seems to think that if we each stand up for that poof a bit that everyone will suddenly leave him alone. It must be nice to live in the magical reality that he lives in. I mean really, not only is Craig and his bunch of buttholes going to still kick Pip's ass weekly, but we're ALL going to have to deal with the entire school full of North Park assholes.
Kenny's been hanging around more than ever this summer. All I can say about it is that his dad if a fucking douche bag. If I was just a little bigger than him I would kick him in the nuts. I've offered to kill him before but Kenny just laughs it off. I don't think he knows that I'm serious. Kenny is sort of cool to have around the house right now though, because Mom's been under the weather for like 2 weeks now. She says she doesn’t have any energy so I've been stuck with chores. But Kenny helps with things that I wouldn't have a clue how to do, like laundry and cleaning.
Mom's actually at a doctor's appointment right now. Me and Kenny are reading school letters that just came in the mail like 5 minutes ago. 9th grade courses...
"I ended up with D History, followed by N Chemistry, and A English." I read to Kenny while he checks my classes against his. But A English causes me to pause. My bet with Kyle was that I wouldn't pass an advanced level class with at least a C. While I may not like to admit it, especially when it's that Jew saying it, I know that I'm not the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to stupid stuff like school. So Jew boy thinks he's got me for an easy $100 bucks. But Kyle hadn't taken into consideration that I would have Kenny's help. There's no one who could have helped me pass 8th grade English except him. Anyway, back to the schedule. "...D Physics, D Algebra, N speech, PE-B.... yuck...goddamn PE class.... Youth Psychology, and Study Hall." I set down the yellow sheet, and grab a notebook and pen waiting for Kenny to read his off.
"I've got N History, D Chemistry, A English, N Physics, N Algebra, D Speech, PE-B, Writing, and Study Hall" he lists. After I write them all down I compare.
"We've got English, PE, and Study Hall together" I say, frowning. "I put down for N History but they put me in Developmental instead. Sons of bitches!"
"Yeah but we've got STUDY HALL together Eric. Nothing to do but piss around if we want to. It'll be cool, trust me. Where'd you get put for your locker? I'm 132W. First floor west side."
"Er... 139W. Awesome!" I smile. It'll be nice to have a locker so close to my partner in crime. Contrary to popular belief, Kenny is the only person who I consider to be my 'friend'. I mean, sure, I hang out with Stan and even Kyle, but they've never really understood my distinct, and superior, personality. Kenny knows though. He understands that I come first. Period! I'll help him out if I can, but not at the cost of skin off of my ass. That's what things are like in the real world. And I plan on living in the real world! Kenny knows that it's not personal when I ditch him or when I laugh at him to score popularity points. All that matters is that we're always honest on the most basic levels. "I'm totally going to graffiti your locker Kenny" I laugh.
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Kyle's POV
Have you ever had the feeling that there was a disturbance in the force? Like you suddenly, for no reason, feel that somewhere a balance has for some reason been jolted? The only times I really have those feelings is when I know Cartman has some terrible idea or an evil plot. So I usually try to talk him out of doing whatever it is and he does whatever it was anyway. And after that the feeling goes away. I've had this feeling all week and, coincidently enough, Cartman his been mysteriously absent all week too. Actually it's not just Cartman who's gone suddenly missing, but his mother as well. Stan thinks that they must have gone on some vacation, maybe to his relatives in Kansas. But Kenny shares my feelings of worry. He reported that he'd last seen Cartman last Saturday when they had compared class schedules. Cartman's mom had been away the whole day to some doctor's appointment and Cartman had told Kenny to come over again if he had problems with his dad. But nothing was really in the panic zone yet.
I contemplate weather I should report the fact that they are both missing to someone or not. But that's best left until tomorrow. I close the book that I've been trying to read and slip into bed. Yeah, I'll deal with it all tomorrow...
I awake to the sound of the phone next to my bed ringing, and silently thank god that it's a private line so it didn't wake my mom. I look over at the clock, which shows 1:22AM and then over at the caller ID. It says Cartman's house.
"Hello" I yawn. I receive a shock when I hear Kenny's chocking voice on the line.
"K..Kyle I need your help...I....I'm over at Eric's. No one...there's no one here again."
"Dude I'll be there as soon as I can." I hang up the phone and pull on a random pair of pants in the dark. Praying that no one has heard me, I sneak down the stares and out into the 50 degree night.
By the time I reach Cartman's house it must be 1:30. Kenny is standing at the front door, illuminating the street with the light from within the house. I don't think I've ever seen Kenny look like such a mess. When I'm ushered inside I can see that his shirt is torn up beyond recognition and covered in strong smelling alcohol. His hair is also matted and tangled and his eyes are red and puffy from crying. But what's worst is that he is cradling his left wrist and his chest is covered in tiny cuts. Apparently he'd been shoved and fell onto a pile of broken glass.
"What the fuck dude?!"
"I'm sorry! It's really not that bad I know... but I just sort of panicked. Eric's ALWAYS been here before." He's babbling. Babbling is not going to help this situation.
"Dude, I didn't mean what the fuck as in 'you bothered me for no reason'. That was what the fuck as in 'oh my god you've had the shit kicked out of you'! Is there still glass in any of those cuts?"
Kenny shakes his head. "I pulled most of it out while I was running here. But that sort of cut up my fingers too." He lifts his uninjured hand's fingers for me to see. It doesn't look too bad.
"First aid stuff. I assume you're familiar with its location." It's not a question. And Kenny obviously hears the anger in my voice.
“It’s fine Kyle. I can handle this...”
“Just sit on the couch. Where’s the antiseptic cream and band-aids? I’ll get them.” I order, sighing.
“Bathroom. Third drawer down on the right” Kenny answers, slumping down onto Cartman’s couch. I quickly retrieve both items and return. I find my battered friend trying to remove what is left of his shirt with one hand.
“Here, I’ll get it.” Between the two of us Kenny manages to wiggle out of what’s left of his top and I begin carefully smearing the antiseptic onto the numerous tiny cuts.
“That’s what started it this time. He called me a fag.” he chokes out. “The shirt was Eric’s. He gave it to me the last time I... I had to stay over. But tonight Dad came in and saw me sleeping in another dude’s shirt and just flew off of the hook.” I looked back at the pile of red fabric and could remember seeing Kenny wear it a while ago. He’d been practically drowning in it.
“I need to see your wrist... to make sure it isn’t broken.” After prodding it for a few moments I breath a sigh of relief. “I think it’s just a sprain.”
“Where’d you learn first aid anyway? Jew Scouts?”
I break into a small grin. “It’s not all about Jewbilee.”
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I wake up the next morning curled up on the end of Cartman’s couch. The first thought that races through my mind is the fact that my mother is going to kill me for not being there when she came to wake me up this morning. The second thought that crosses my mind is that I don’t really care. Stretching, I glance around the room for my friend. Upon not seeing him I climb to my feet and head to the kitchen, where the lights are turned on. But I can already tell that Kenny is in there by the wonderful smell that wafts under my nose. Upon entering I see him standing at the kitchen counter pulling 2 waffles from a waffle maker. The bandages on his fingers haven’t stopped Kenny from being a kitchen wiz with his good hand.
“..Morning” I mumble slumping into a chair.
“Damn dude. It almost isn’t morning anymore. I’m the one that suffered trauma last night not you. What’s YOUR excuse?” I flip Kenny off. We had stayed up for an hour after I’d gotten him cleaned up talking. He’d made me swear a sacred oath of secrecy that I wouldn’t tell any grownups about what happened. Kenny stood by the fact that he didn’t want to see his family torn away from him... and no matter how much I personally disagreed I eventually ended up promising.
“Oh, and I called your mom at around 9:00. I told her some bullshit story about me and Eric finding hatching turtle eggs and that we’d invited you over at 7:00. I think she’s a bit pissed about not getting a note, but otherwise she’s..” and at this point he changes the pitch of his voice to imitate my mother, ‘..glad you are getting the opportunity to see the miracle of birth.’” He chuckles a bit while carrying a small stack of waffles over and setting them down in front of me. “So I think you should stick around here for most of the day.”
“Well, I don’t have to be home until 9:30. But should we really stick around Cartman’s house? I mean they aren’t even home.” This brings a frown to Kenny’s face. I know that he’s more worried about why Cartman has gone missing than the rest of us. But I suppose that if Cartman pulled ME through the kind of shit that happened last night on a regular basis I’D be more worried about him too. “I was actually thinking about that last night. Today’s Sunday. And we know for sure that he’s been missing since last Sunday right? So we should be able to ask the police to look for them tomorrow... since it’s been over a week.”
“You don’t think that anything’s wrong do you?” he asks in a tone of total seriousness. He has this look on his face that tells me that I’d feel like I just killed a puppy if I told him anything except what he needs to hear.
“Nah” I lie. “It’s probably something like Stan was saying. Cartman’s probably on some surprise vacation or something. He’ll be back rubbing it in our faces any day now...”
So we ended up hanging out for the next several hours in Cartman’s empty house. First we cleaned up the kitchen and living room and after that we vegetated in front of the television.
It isn’t until 5:10, when the phone rings, that we take any notice of the day slipping away from us. Cartman’s caller ID says Hippy Lover’s Work. So that must be Stan calling from the theater.
I answer the phone. “Hey Stan, what’s up?”
“Dude? I just called your house and your mom said you and Kenny were at Cartman’s. Is he back? Where the hell was he this whole time?” Stan’s voice answers me sounding surprised.
“No, there’s still no sign of Cartman. Actually there was a bit of an emergency with Kenny so...” I trail off looking over to the blond who has his ear pushed up next to the phone too, listening. “He can fill you in himself later. So why were you trying to find us?”
“Well Pip just got through working and called me to see if all of us would go see the new Vin Diesel movie that opened today. We could both bring one of you in for free...” On my end of the phone I hesitate. But Kenny grabs the phone and answers for me.
“Sounds great Stan. Should we head straight over?” I put my ear to the phone to hear Stan’s answer.
“Sure. The movie doesn’t start until 6:30, but maybe we should talk.” We both know exactly what Stan means. A recap of the night is going to be in order. “We’ll see you in 10 minutes.”
“Yeah, bye” Kenny says and hangs up the phone. “Well I suppose I’m going to need a new shirt.”.
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As we stand outside the theater after the movie I can’t help but feel that even though the day has gotten progressively better since 1:30AM, something isn’t right with the force. I mean the movie was awesome. And the talk we had before it couldn’t have gone any better than it did. Kenny explained what happened without any traumatic outbursts, and Pip took in the shocking new bit of information as well as I think he could. He seemed angry on Kenny’s behalf but also promised to keep it quiet. Still, something seems off balance.
“Well gents it has been a pleasure but I’m afraid that 9:00 is fast approaching. I must be on my way” Pip says as the last bus of the night pulls up to the bus stop across the street. That feeling I have redoubles as I hear the doors of that bus open and I glance up at it. To South Park/North Park - From Denver the electronic sign on the front says. The voices of the others next to me are suddenly muffled to a whisper in my head as I see a familiar face disembark from that bus.
“Cartman?” The others hear me and follow my gaze to where Eric Cartman has just stepped off of the Denver bus and is staring at the four of us. As one we quickly cross the street and confront him. He turns and begins walking in the direction of his home as all the others start firing questions at him. But I remain quiet. The feeling of wrongness is now almost sickening. What has Cartman done now?
“Will you guys give it a fucking rest? I really just want to get home. I’m tired” Cartman growls out over the others. And he thinks that’s that? No explanation? He does look tired though...
Stan frowns at Cartman’s retreating back before tossing a loud “What’s the matter Cartman? Did your mom keep you up all night last night in the next room moaning?!”
Cartman halts and goes ridged for a split second before suddenly turning back and bolting toward Stan. Before I can do anything other than gasp in surprise he tackles Stan to the ground and begins punching him in the face. Kenny and Pip both bull rush him in an attempt to pull him off but I feel frozen to the spot. At least until he starts screaming.
“I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU STAN!! YOU’VE GOT NO RIGHT....I’LL BREAK YOUR GODDAMN NECK!!” I notice several onlookers on the bus pull out phones, probably calling the police. “.....POISON YOUR FOOD AND KILL YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!!” I finally snap out of it and rush over, attempting to pull Stan out of Cartman’s reach. Kenny and Pip are still trying to pin his arms down as he continues to flail at Stan, yelling all the while.
“YOU’VE GOT NO RIGHT....CRUSH EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY YOU SON OF A BITCH!! YOU HAVEN’T GOT ANY RIGHT TO SAY THAT!! GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME KENNY.... I’LL KILL THAT BASTARD!!!!” By this point both Pip, Kenny, and I have been knocked a time or two by Cartman as well, but they’ve managed to pin his arms behind him somehow. I look back down at Stan with wide eyes. His nose is bleeding really bad. I can now also hear a siren in the background of the chaos. But suddenly everything just goes quiet for a moment. But the next moment Cartman lets out the most animalistic cry of anguish I think I’ll ever hear in all my life. Tiers start poring down his cheeks and his knees suddenly give way, taking both of my other friends down with him. What the hell is going on?
By the time that the familiar officer with orange hair reaches us I’m trying to stop the flow of blood from Stan’s nose with my shirt while Kenny and Pip attempt to lift Cartman off of the ground and keep his arms pined at the same time. The officer quickly cuffs Cartman and ushers us all into the cruiser, placing Cartman between Kenny, me, and Pip and Stan in the front.
“We need to get him to an emergency room. You can all explain what the hell was going on when we get there. We all nod except Cartman, who is still sobbing.
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It’s nearly two hours later that we are all being reunited in a waiting room....
Kenny had come out of the O.R. earlier, joining me with only a busted lip and an ugly black eye, and Pip also joined us a bit later sporting a massive dark bruise on his cheek. And me? Well I’d managed to only sustain a minor bruise to my jaw. They brought Cartman out an hour later and handcuffed him to a chair. He also had a bloody lip where Stan had tried to fight back. He wouldn’t look at any of us. But Stan, ugg... When he finally joined us his nose was swollen and I could see that it was slightly out of alignment. His upper lip was also swollen and was sporting several stitches. Also sporting stitches was Stan’s left eyebrow.
“What the FUCK was that all about Cartman!!?” Stan yells as soon as he enters the room. His voice sounds a bit off. It must be because of his nose. Cartman just continues staring at the floor.
“Look Eric” the officer who drove us here says to Cartman. “You’ve got to tell them what happened. “They’re the only ones that can agree to let you go home. If you don’t tell them what you told us, we’ll have to keep you over night until someone can sign for you.” Cartman nods and looks up at us.
Emotionless. That’s the only word I can think of to describe the look in his eyes. “She’s going to die” he says in a tired voice. I’m completely dumbfounded.
“Who’s going to die Eric?” Pip asks in a small voice.
“My...my mother”
“Everyone’s mother is going to die Cartman!” Stan spits back before I have a real chance to process what’s been said. “Discovering mortality is no excuse for breaking my nose in two places!”
“Not everyone’s mother is going to die in two or three years asshole!”
“W..wait” I stammer trying to grasp this. “Your mom is dying? Cartman just nods as his eyes tier up again. Pip’s hand shoots up to cover the gasp that escapes his mouth. Stan’s angry look wavers.
“That’s why she took all day at that doctor’s appointment.” Kenny looks almost on the verge of crying too. Cartman just nods again. “What is it?”
“She’s...she’s g..got the new strain of..of... aids. She’s got the super aids guys” After that he bursts into loud sobs. A look of utter horror sits of Stan’s face, as well as Pip’s and I’m sure my own as well. Kenny rushes forward and throws his arms around his best friend.
The officer clears his throat. “I can’t let him leave tonight unless you are all willing to drop any charges.” I try to find my voice but Kenny beats me to it from his position still hugging Cartman.
“I don’t have any problems.”
“Neither do I officer” Pip seconds.
“Now that I know what it was all about... yeah I’m ok with him too” Stan adds.
“We’re all willing to drop things” I add last.
“Then the only thing left is to call your parents so we can get the bills paid for.”
Oh, shit.... oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!! The last thing I need right now to add to all the drama of the day is my mother coming down here.
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“Stanley! Oh my god.” Stan’s parents are the first ones go arrive. His mother takes one look at his battered face and nearly goes into hysterics. His dad surveys his son and then turns his eyes to the rest of us. These four unlikely friends his son has. The Jewish nerd, the fat racist, the British wimp, and the little poor kid. That’s all he was seeing at that moment, I can tell.
“What the god’s name happened out there tonight?”
“Well you see... it’s a bit complicated” I murmur. “I was hoping that we could wait until the others got here.” But at that very moment I can hear my mother’s voice down the hall demanding to see me. It’s only seconds until she, followed by my dad and Ike burst through the doors.
“What’s this I hear about my boy fighting?” She hones her gaze in on me and her eyebrows droop into an angry look. “Kyle! What did you do!” The old feeling of not being able to stand up to my mother creeps back into my blood.
“I...I..I” I pause to take a breath. “Please mom just wait a bit longer. We’ll tell you all at once.” I didn’t have long to wait, because Kenny’s mom slips quietly through the doors at that instant, making her way up to her son, who is still holding Cartman’s hand for reassurance. There’s no delaying it any longer.
As I recount the events of the afternoon to those in the room I can’t help but think that I’m betraying Kenny. Because even though I don’t mention exactly what we were doing at Cartman’s house without him home, I can’t help but think that someone will question it. But no one does. By the time I am through every adult in the room is too busy looking sympathetically at Cartman to remember many of the story’s other details. Well except for Kenny’s mom, who knows exactly what Kenny was doing at Cartman’s. I can tell that she is still staring at Kenny, who is still holding Cartman’s hand...
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That’ll be all for this installment. This chapter was actually really easy to write. But that is probably because I knew exactly how I wanted it to come out before I even started... Anyway, come back soon for the next installment, which will be the longest chapter yet. Chapter 4: ‘New Start, New Place, Same Sh*t’
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In It For The Long Haul