The Pain Game | By : hummerhouse Category: +S through Z > Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Views: 4704 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: The TMNT are not mine. No money being made. |
Trying to understand Raphael’s mercurial emotions was a useless endeavor, but Mikey attempted it anyway.
While they were talking about an incident that had occurred when they were quite young Raph had seemed, for a moment, to become a carefree kid again. The memory had brought a brightness to his eyes that Mikey hadn’t seen in quite a while. His laugh had an open genuineness to it that had been long lost as well.
Then it appeared that the reality as he knew it had come back full force, bringing with it a level of bitterness in Raph that took Mikey by surprise. Raph had snapped at him that they had no control over their futures. Mikey knew that Raph had always resented the fact that they were relegated to a life lived in secrecy. Heck, even Mikey lamented that because he would love to have people know how much good he and his brothers did in the world.
But this thing between the two of them wasn’t something out of their control. How could Mikey get his brother to see that when Raph didn’t want to open his eyes to the possibilities?
In Mikey’s universe, you fought for the things you really wanted. If somebody builds a wall, you go around it. At this point that somebody was Raph himself.
Seated alone at the kitchen table, Mikey reviewed the probable reasons why Raph continued to be so touchy when the question of their future came up.
One, Raph was starting to acknowledge that he had deeper feelings for Mikey. Being the eternal pessimist, Raph figured he’d screw something up and Mikey would back away from him. If that happened, Raph would get hurt. To avoid that, Raph was trying to maintain an emotional aloofness.
Two, maybe Mikey’s advances were so easy for Raph to blow off because the big guy actually wasn’t all that interested in anything more than sexual gratification. He’d certainly assured Mikey of that a number of times.
So far Mikey had spent a lot of time thinking about his own feelings and trying to find ways to have an open relationship with Raph. Mikey had made an effort to maneuver Raph into his way of thinking and attempted to manipulate circumstances so that Raph wouldn’t feel threatened. Above all, Mikey had tried to rob Leo of his control over Raph.
Raph should have realized on his own that they wouldn’t be able to keep their secret for long. Theirs was a family that practically lived in each other’s shells. That was the truth of their existence.
Mikey knew his brother was smart. If Raph was insistent they keep up this charade, then it was because he didn’t intend for it to last long. He also didn’t intend to ever tell their secret to anyone. Hence, unless something drastically changed, whatever Mikey had going with Raph was doomed to a very short shelf life.
That thought left Mikey with an empty feeling. He still wanted to help Raph see what they could have together, in case his brother was shutting him out solely because of his fear of repercussions from the family. It was clear that trying to get Raph to talk it out wasn’t going to work. Not when Raph wouldn’t talk.
Leaning his elbow on the table, Mikey rested his chin in his palm and made a face. Dealing with Raph was very much like navigating a really difficult video game. There were challenges to defeat in order to advance to the next level. There were rewards such as food, extra lives, allies, weapons, and new powers to be had if one knew how to acquire them. There were also mine fields to avoid if one didn’t want to lose.
Rather than playing alone though, Mikey had a partner in this game, one who insisted he be privy to any moves Mikey intended to make. This partner also claimed the right of veto power which drastically restricted anything Mikey could do.
Mikey acknowledged that Raph had been keeping his secret for a very long time without anyone the wiser, but that was because he’d been by himself. It was always easier for a loner to keep a secret.
Glancing up at the clock, Mikey realized he’d been sitting there doing a whole lot of circular thinking for a half an hour. He had to decide something.
What finally hit him was that the best thing he could do was to keep his distance from Raph. Avoid talking to him unless absolutely necessary, and to try to do those things in a manner that wouldn’t raise his family’s suspicions the way it had the last time he and Raph were so at odds. Maybe all Raph needed was some breathing room.
“You’re deep in thought.”
Startled, Mikey jerked upright to find Leo standing near the table and staring down at him. “Yep. Surprise, surprise, I use my brains sometimes,” Mikey said with a touch of sarcasm.
Leo frowned. “Is there some reason you’re so grouchy?”
“Other than the fact that you keep suddenly appearing at my elbow?” Mikey asked. “Nope.”
“Actually I came in here to get the broom,” Leo said, though he remained where he was, “not to scare you. I didn’t know you’d still be in here. Is something wrong?”
Mikey’s guard came up immediately. “Nothing but the rainy day blahs,” he fibbed. “Since Donny’s not here, I think I’ll go watch the feed from the garage cameras. Maybe I’ll see something exciting, like the city linemen installing a new transformer.”
“He won’t like it if you mess with any of his settings,” Leo warned.
“He’ll like it even less if nobody pays attention to those guys and they find their way into our garage,” Mikey countered. “Don showed me how to access the different cameras, he wouldn’t have done that if he thought I’d break a piece of his precious equipment.”
“There are perimeter alarms that will warn us in advance if anyone enters the garage,” Leo said, telling Mikey something he already knew. “You don’t have to waste your time sitting in front of the monitors.”
“If I get bored I’ll watch You Tube on Don’s computer,” Mikey said. “It’s not like I’m getting anywhere near the televisions, not with Master Splinter parked in front of them. Raph’s off hibernating with his newspaper, Don’s doing his Brainiac thing with LH, and you have the urge to clean. Oh, and before you get ideas, I’ve had my fill of that. The dishes didn’t wash themselves.”
“I wasn’t going to suggest that you help clean,” Leo said.
“Cool, glad we’re in agreement,” Mikey replied, standing up and heading for the door before Leo decided to ask him anymore questions. “Later.”
Sitting in Don’s lab, Mikey realized its appeal to the genius. Even with the door open in order to avoid suspicion about what he was doing, the space was quiet and best of all, private.
Pulling up the feed from the camera outside of the garage, Mikey watched the alleyway for about ten minutes without seeing any signs of life. Pouring rain had a tendency to kill curiosity and Mikey figured the city workers had a to-do list a mile long by now. Don had the two of them board up the doors out of an abundance of caution, but they probably could have left them wide open and no one would have wandered inside.
Quickly growing bored with watching the rain fall, Mikey turned to Don’s computer. It was a temptation to look up some stuff about what he and Raph were doing in the hopes that it would help him understand his brother’s mental state. As soon as the notion struck Mikey though, he stepped on it.
The problem was that Mikey wasn’t confident enough in his computer skills to be sure he could completely cover his tracks so that Don wouldn’t know what he’d been researching. It was one thing to be busted for messing with the cameras, quite another for Don to discover Mikey wanted to know about deviant sexual practices.
So to be safe, Mikey spent his time alternating between checking the cameras and watching bootlegged movies on You Tube. He even imagined what it would be like to actually hang out in a movie theatre, eating popcorn and listening to the crowd around him.
Though he expected Don to show up at any moment and kick him out, Mikey made himself comfortable in his brother’s worn desk chair. There he remained for most of the day, uninterrupted by anyone. When he got hungry, he brought his meals into the lab, avoiding the slightest chance that he’d encounter Raph.
Donatello didn’t return until late, looking tired and saying he’d eaten dinner with Leatherhead. He didn’t even comment on the fact that Mikey had made himself at home in his sanctuary, other than to remind his younger brother to take his dishes with him when he left.
When Mikey decided to turn in for the night, he did so quickly, shouting a good-night in the general direction of his brothers. Falling into bed, he purposely forced his mind to think of anything other than his current dilemma and especially turned his thoughts in other directions when they tried to drift back to Raph.
Practice the next day was something of a challenge, but Mikey got through it, even managing to be his usual self when paired with Raph for weapons sparring. When it was over Mikey felt pretty proud of himself. Master Splinter hadn’t chided him once and none of his brothers had given him any strange looks, so he figured they saw his behavior as perfectly normal.
The fly in the ointment was that it was still raining. It wasn’t a steady downpour like on the previous day, but when it stopped coming down it was only for short intervals. Even though they couldn’t see the rain from inside the lair, it was definitely having an effect on everyone’s mood.
For Mikey it was a bout of acute boredom. He didn’t want to stay in the lair but his usual underground escapist activities had been made impossible by flooding sewer tunnels.
The thumping sounds of heavy fists against the punching bag told Mikey what Raphael had chosen to do to pass the time. When Mikey approached the kitchen he heard both Leo and Don’s voices. A quick peek showed him they’d pulled the stove away from the wall and were working on it, tools sprawled on the floor around the pair.
Seeing those tools gave Mikey an idea. There was something he could do to while away the hours, and it was constructive. The only problem was that he didn’t want Raph to catch him at it.
Taking advantage of the moment, Mikey darted into the elevator and rode it up to the garage. From a shelf full of odds and ends he grabbed a leather knapsack and began filling it with both tools and the supplies he thought he’d need to do furniture repair.
When he had everything he could think to get, Mikey unlocked the small entry door and opened it enough to slide the bag outside. With the door closed and secured again, Mikey went back down to the lair.
After double checking that his brothers were still occupied with their activities, Mikey slipped into Don’s lab. From his previous foray into Don’s security systems, Mikey was able to quickly find and manipulate the recording so as to erase the two minutes that showed him opening the garage door. Into those two minutes he copied a portion of recording time that was an image of an empty garage.
Mikey had just managed to escape the lab and be halfway up the stairs when the door into the sewer tunnels opened.
“Yo! Where is everybody?” Casey called as he entered the lair.
“Hey Case man,” Mikey responded, turning and coming back down. “How’s it hanging?”
“High and tight Mikey,” Casey said with a grin. “The rain is friggin’ cold! Thought I’d check on ya’ guys and see if you’re staying dry.”
“So far,” Mikey said. “Can’t say the same for the electricity and Don’s security systems. We’re like one step ahead of the city crews every time something goes out.”
“I hear ya’,” Casey said. “The maintenance guys over at my ratty old apartment building are actually having to earn what they get paid. Hey Raph!”
Mikey glanced over his shoulder and saw Raph coming towards them. He was unwinding the extra wrap that covered his knuckles, the veins on his biceps still extended on muscles that bulged from his workout. Holding his breath so as not to catch his brother’s scent, Mikey looked away.
“What’s up Case?” Raph asked.
“Mikey says everything’s okay down here,” Casey replied. “Thought I’d see if ya’ wanted to help me over at April’s place. The water’s trying to come up onto the sidewalk in front of her shop and she wants to sandbag the area and move stuff away from the front window. I already loaded up her van with sandbags. It’s parked up on the street ‘cause your garage door is barricaded.”
“Don and Mikey had to do that yesterday to keep the city workers from snooping around,” Raph said. “Give me a minute to tell Leo where I’m going so he can remind me stay out of sight and then I’ll join ya’.”
“He’s in the kitchen,” Mikey said so that Raph wouldn’t spend time looking for their older brother. After he disappeared from sight, Mikey asked Casey, “You think that job at April’s is gonna take a while?”
Casey looked at him suspiciously. “Why? Ya’ fighting with Raph again and want him off your shell?”
“Not yet, but I’m hoping to avoid that,” Mikey said glibly. “He gets cabin fever, I say the wrong thing, and then I’m running for my life.”
“I was gonna ask if you wanted to come along,” Casey suggested without much enthusiasm, “but it sounds like you want some space.”
“As much as I like schlepping for April, I’d rather do it when Raph’s in a good mood,” Mikey said hastily. “You two have a great time lugging stuff around and then moving it again when April doesn’t like where you put it.”
With that said, Mikey bolted upstairs and into his room. He didn’t completely close the door though, keeping his ears open so he’d know when Casey and Raph left.
Once he was sure they were gone, Mikey exited his room and jumped down to the lower level. Grabbing his hoverboard, he proceeded on to the kitchen, stopping at the door.
“I’m going out,” Mikey announced, talking fast. “I’ll be on my hoverboard so I can avoid the water in the tunnels and yes I’ll keep my eyes open for maintenance workers. See you guys!”
As he said those final words Mikey hopped onto the hoverboard and raced out of the lair before Leo could protest his planned exit.
A few minutes later Mikey stopped near the ladder that gave him access into the alley next to their garage. Going up to street level, he glanced around to make sure he was alone, and then avoided Don’s perimeter alarms so that he could retrieve the knapsack.
Back underground, he rode the hoverboard to his next exit, hiding it from sight before slipping into the oversized raincoat he’d tucked into the knapsack. In the rain, the coat did a good job of hiding him from being seen by the occupants of passing cars. He didn’t have to worry about meeting people on the sidewalk because there weren’t any around.
Mikey finally made it to the secret room and let himself in with his key. Taking off his raincoat, Mikey set the knapsack on the floor and went directly to the back wall where the broken tables and chairs were piled.
Sorting through them, Mikey chose a table and two chairs that looked to be in the best shape. All three things needed work so he took them to the center of the room and then dumped the contents of the knapsack out on the floor so he could begin the repair job.
As he worked, Mikey let his thoughts dwell on Raph. Just hearing his brother say his name earlier had sent a tingle down his spine, but he was happy with the fact that he hadn’t let that show. Mikey wanted Raph to notice that he was giving him some space.
There had to be a way to take things to the next level. This was becoming too difficult, this trying to find ways to sneak out of the lair so they could be together. It was either progress or stop.
Even as the concept of quitting entered his mind, Mikey knew he couldn’t. Just remembering their encounters left him breathless and needy; he wanted it too much. For a moment he thought that maybe that could be enough for him, simply letting himself be lost in the euphoria of Raph’s control, relishing the pain and the release.
The notion sat there only briefly before Mikey realized he couldn’t do it. If it was only him making the sacrifice, Mikey might possibly be able to push aside his desire for a real relationship and be happy living a secret existence.
But then he remembered the look of anguish in Raph’s eyes as he’d told the story of what had happened between Leo and himself. Raph didn’t grasp how important it was to his mental health to stop hiding what he was from his family. He didn’t know that keeping his secret and sneaking around behind everyone’s backs was accepting a shame he didn’t deserve.
Mikey cared deeply for Raph and wanted to help him become whole again. Giving his brother a physical outlet for his desires was only a first step, letting him see that there was nothing wrong with those desires the second and biggest step.
After a few hours Mikey called it quits. The table and chairs were fixed and he placed them near the bar, creating a space with what he hoped was a homey feel to it. Maybe his words couldn’t convey to Raph the things that Mikey wanted between them, but with any luck, Mikey would be able to show his brother through his actions.
On his way home, Mikey stopped at his favorite Chinese take-out place to pick up the food he’d called ahead for. Sliding some bills under the back door, he knocked on it and then ducked out of sight as one of the kitchen help came out and placed a couple of sacks on the ground.
Taking the food, Mikey went back to the lair on his hoverboard. He tucked the knapsack into an alcove for later recovery and went directly to the kitchen. As he’d suspected, the stove was still out of service and his dinner delivery was much appreciated.
While they ate, Mikey noticed Raph eyeing him a number of times. Ignoring those looks was tough, especially with how his heart skipped a beat whenever that golden gaze fell on him.
Raph told them how the storm drains in front of April’s building were filled to overflowing, meaning that the tunnels near her place were impassable for the time being.
“Her whole street is lined with sandbags,” Raph said. “I saw a lot of that on the drive to and from April’s place. The flooding situation’s gonna get way worse if this rain don’t let up.”
“What did the tunnels look like on your ride, Mikey?” Don asked.
“Ya’ went out?” Raph asked, staring intently at his brother.
Mikey swallowed the retort about where did Raph think the food came from and opted for a straight answer to Don’s question. “I had to stick to the biggest tunnels ‘cause the feeder tunnels are running really high,” Mikey said. “Are you sure they only opened two valves?”
Don sighed wearily. “I’m sure it’s more than that by now, considering how many streets are currently flooding.”
“People are attempting to drive through the water,” Master Splinter said, his expression grim. “The news reporters have taken great pains to warn residents of the hazards, but many are not listening. There have already been over a dozen rescues.”
“They pull people from their cars and the cars float off to do more damage,” Leo said with disapproval. “I don’t understand why someone’s time seems more important than their life.”
“’Cause they’re humans,” Raph said, shaking his head. “They all think the world revolves around ‘em and that the waters are gonna part because they need to get through. It don’t have to make any more sense than that.”
That was as good an explanation of Raph’s view of the world as any, Mikey thought to himself. Where Don preferred to think the best of people, and Leo tended to stick them in columns labeled good and evil, Raph was realistic. People were going to do what they wanted to do and as long as they didn’t hurt anyone else, Raph wouldn’t pass judgment.
The evening ended on that note. Raph offered to help Don finish up with the stove, saying that it would never be repaired if Leo continued to touch it, and their older brother had graciously accepted both the offer and the put down.
Mikey went to bed early, reading himself to sleep with the adventures of Silver Sentry. Klunk usually patrolled the lair after the lights went out, but tonight he curled up next to Mikey, purring contentedly as his fur was stroked.
“At least somebody wants to sleep with me,” Mikey thought as he turned out the reading lamp.
Morning came and went swiftly. Mikey continued to keep his distance from Raph, interacting with him only when necessary. Because he wasn’t overt about his avoidance, Raph didn’t appear to feel slighted, which kept him from becoming angry. He did seem puzzled though, to the point where he would stop to contemplate Mikey from time to time. Mikey pretended not to notice.
Breakfast had been a cold meal because despite having repaired the stove, it was still pulled away from the wall. A large hole had been opened up to reveal water seepage, making the use of electricity a bad idea. Raph and Don once more set to work on the problem, chasing everyone else from the kitchen.
Mikey borrowed Don’s computer again, with his full permission, in order to type out a grocery list and send it to the market so it could be filled. Finding a place that took online orders and then delivered the items to April’s shop had been the greatest breakthrough since sliced bread as far as Mikey was concerned. It was also a great reason to escape the lair again.
Knowing that Leo was in the dojo, Mikey went that way to inform his brother of his destination. He stopped for a few minutes to watch the news broadcast with Master Splinter.
“The current prediction is that the rains will taper off during the afternoon and return again tonight,” Master Splinter said without turning around. “One wonders if the weather will humor the forecaster and be reasonable, or prove itself to be unpredictable.”
“Either way, a few hours without rain isn’t gonna help the situation much,” Mikey said.
“True, however a brief respite is sometimes necessary to allow those affected by a storm the time to see things clearly and to formulate future plans,” Master Splinter said, turning his head slightly so that he could see Mikey. “Do you not agree?”
“Um, sure Sensei,” Mikey answered, though he was fairly sure that his father wasn’t just talking about the rains.
Excusing himself, Mikey continued on to the dojo, where he found Leo about to begin cleaning his swords. Mikey was actually glad to see that, knowing that the ritual would take a couple of hours at the minimum.
“I sent off our shopping list,” Mikey announced. “I’m gonna go hang at April’s and wait for the delivery.”
“Are you sure they’ll make the delivery?” Leo asked, looking up from his seat on the floor. “Raph said the streets around her shop are flooding.”
“Yeah they’ll make it. The delivery guy drives a moped and cruises the sidewalks to dodge traffic. This is just a normal day for him,” Mikey replied glibly.
Leo’s stare was unwavering. “How will you get there? It’s light out and the tunnels aren’t passable.”
“It’s not that light,” Mikey said facetiously. When Leo didn’t looked amused, he added, “According to Master Splinter’s favorite weather man the rains are letting up. I’ll use the roof top highway. No one will see me.”
“If you stayed here we could go together to April’s later on,” Leo said. “I wouldn’t mind the company and we could talk about things.”
That was the last thing Mikey wanted to do. “Thanks for the offer, but I need to stretch my legs. They’re getting restless.”
“Pick the subject,” Leo said, as though he hadn’t heard Mikey. “Anything at all. I won’t judge you.”
“Maybe some other time,” Mikey said, edging towards the door. “Couldn’t sit still right now.”
If Leo said anything else, Mikey wasn’t there to hear it, making himself scarce quickly. He had no idea why Leo suddenly felt in need of his presence, but that whole ‘let’s talk’ notion made Mikey skittish. Mikey had thought he’d been doing a good job of mitigating Leo’s suspicions. Could Mikey’s nonchalant attitude toward Raph the last couple of days have triggered Leo’s doubts again?
Afraid that Leo would attempt to track him, Mikey went straight to April’s place. The roof tops were wet, the sky menacing, and as he figured, he had the skyline to himself. Popping into her shop through the side delivery door, Mikey ascertained first that no one else was in the shop before announcing his presence.
“Mikey! I haven’t seen you in forever,” April gushed.
“Not been getting much traffic in here, have you?” Mikey asked astutely.
“No,” April answered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “The only people who come in are the ones trying to dodge a downpour. What brings you by?”
“Food,” Mikey said with a grin. “We needed to restock so I’ve got a delivery on its way here. Do me a favor would you?”
“What do you need?” April asked, instantly alert.
Mikey chuckled. “Nothing bad girl. I just wanted to take a look at some tunnels a few blocks from here and Leo started clucking the minute I said I was going out. If he should happen to ask, could you tell him what time I got here and that I went upstairs? You won’t even have to lie, ‘cause I will go up.”
“Climbing the walls Mikey?” April asked.
“We haven’t been out of the lair to do anything in days,” Mikey said with as much drama as he could muster. “I’m going stir crazy.”
“Take off, I’ll cover for you,” April said good-naturedly. “Please be careful, your brothers would kill me if you got into trouble.”
“Who, me?” Mikey asked jokingly. “Caution is my middle name.”
Bounding up the stairs to April’s apartment, Mikey made his exit through one of her windows, but not before hiding his shell cell. If anyone wanted to check, the tracking signal would show he’d never left her place.
Once again Mikey visited the secret room. Though his visit was shorter than on the previous day, Mikey accomplished what he’d set out to do. Using one of the chairs to stand on, Mikey cleaned the mirror behind the bar and the light sconces mounted on the walls. He made a mental note to return with replacement bulbs for the ones that had burned out and fresh linens for the bed.
Locking up, Mikey returned directly to April’s apartment, grabbed his shell cell, and then went down to her shop where he found that his groceries had been delivered. Transferring everything into a couple of canvas shopping bags, Mikey said his good-byes and went home.
Fortunately the family was able to have a hot dinner that night because with Raph’s help, Don had gotten the stove back in place and everything was in good working condition.
There were a couple of times while they were clearing the table and cleaning up the kitchen after the meal that Mikey felt like Raph wanted to say something to him, but then hesitated. It might have been because Mikey was being distant with him, or because Leo seemed to have them under keen scrutiny. If his oldest brother was hoping to see something in their interactions, Leo wasn’t getting any satisfaction. Mikey made sure that he and Raph had no interactions.
When Raph announced that he was going to hang out at Casey’s apartment, Mikey felt like he’d caught a lucky break. Not long after he left Mikey learned that Don and Master Splinter were going to Leatherhead’s to play Mahjong. Mikey felt like he’d won the lottery.
Leo had taken some fresh candles up to his room and closed himself inside, a routine that indicated his brother intended to meditate for hours. Having the lair to himself, Mikey decided he’d watch a horror movie marathon, eat snacks, and enjoy lounging around without the worry he’d be interrupted.
The first thing he did was to make a large bowl of popcorn with extra butter. Taking that and a soda with him, Mikey entered the living area and set both items on the coffee table.
A glance showed him that the remote wasn’t on the table or on top of any of the televisions, so he turned towards the couch. He saw it on one of the cushions and reached for it.
Only to have it snatched out from under his hand.
Jerking upright, Mikey saw Leo standing only a couple of feet away from him. Mikey’s mouth went dry at the expression on Leo’s face. It was the one that said his brother was there for a confrontation and was determined to have his questions answered. In the hopes that he could get Leo to surrender his objective, Mikey adopted his most carefree attitude.
“Movie marathon Leo,” Mikey said with what he hoped was an engaging grin. “Don’t want to miss the start.”
He stuck his hand out for the remote but Leo held onto it. Meeting his brother’s eyes, Mikey’s stomach dropped at the all too serious look in them.
“No more Michelangelo,” Leo said, his voice firm and steady. His gaze skimmed down to Mikey’s thighs and then came back up again. “You didn’t fall down in the garage. He’s hurting you, isn’t he?”
TBC…………….
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