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The Shadow of his Heart	By : Catspeaker Category: +G through L > The Loud House Views: 12692 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own The Loud House, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 26
- 27
- 28
Wednesday Midday, New York, Leni, Luan, and Benny’s apartment.
The three sweat covered, naked, and very satisfied bodies of Benny Stein, Luan Loud, and Maggie Puga fell back onto the large bed that belonged to Benny and Luan. All three were breathing deeply, catching their breaths after an intense session of lovemaking.
Maggie was currently snug in the middle of her two lovers, her dark-haired head currently resting up on Benny’s shoulder, a content smile on her face. Benny was leaning back, relaxing after working hard to satisfy the women that he loved. Saying silent prayers of thanks they both seemed to enjoy getting each other off as much as they did him. Keeping up with two girlfriends was challenging at times, but Benny would be the first to admit how God damn lucky he was.
Luan was currently not involved in the cuddle pile, not that she didn’t want to be and didn’t plan to be, but she had another mission first. She had leaned over to the little table next to their bed and began to roll a post coital joint to share.
The three lovers were fans of cannabis culture, and while not considering themselves pot heads by any stretch, they did enjoy toking up when they got together. Sometimes it was before their sexual escapes to heighten the sensations and feelings, sometimes it was afterwards as a nice relaxing cool down from the events. But most of the time it was heavily involved as part of the sexual play the three engaged in.
Luan wasn’t the only pot smoker in the family though. It was something she shared with her sister Luna, one of those little things that united the two performers in the family together. They may have started a little earlier than they should have, having their first joint with each other when they were 17 and 16 respectively. With probably the most ironic thing being Sam, Benny and Maggie had all been there too.
Ever since then, when they all got together, they would often share a bowl, get a little buzzed and enjoy one another’s company. Most of the rest of the family wasn’t aware of the two sister’s who were fond of the Devil’s lettuce, and those who did know had mixed feelings on the matter.
Lori clearly didn’t approve, but didn’t make a big deal out of it, she did let it be known she wouldn’t allow it in her home. Leni didn’t partake and mainly seemed disinterested. Lynn was too terrified of blowing a drug test and didn’t even want it smoked around her. As for Lincoln, he had joined them the first time ever last Christmas break, with Clyde as well, but it wasn’t something either of the two dorks were in a hurry to try again.
Then there was Mom and Dad. Luna had sworn she’d caught a whiff of the stuff coming from the back yard when the Mcbrydes visited sometimes, but she could never quite confirm it. As for the younger sisters, all of them seemed blissfully unaware and uninterested in the matter.
As Luan finished rolling the joint, she put it between her lips and lit up. She gazed at the two people in bed next to her, the people she loved so much, the two she couldn’t imagine her life without. Then she specifically focused in on Maggie. The black-haired emo girl was placing little kisses on Benny’s bicep, and giggling up at him while he was petting her hair and whispering something back.
Luan had discovered herself to be bisexual much as Luna did during her teenage years. It was something the comedian found deeply ironic considering they shared a room growing up too. But her interests ran in the reverse direction of her rocker sister. While Luna seemed to prefer girls with a few guys catching her eye, Luan much preferred boys, but couldn’t help being attracted to a few women.
Maggie was the girl that caught her eye the most, and it was funny to Luan that she also seemed to share a taste many of her siblings did. That being, Latinos and Latinas. Lori and Bobby, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne, Her and Maggie, and even little Lily being so fond of Carlitos. She guessed there was just something about that Hispanic blood the white-bread Scottish Louds found irresistible. Common wisdom was French was the language of love, but if you listened to the Loud family, it was actually Spanish.
She reminisced about those early days with Maggie and Benny. Her and Benny were dating at the time, officially a couple, but Maggie had inserted herself into their life almost like fate. Starting with a performance Luan had done at Maggie’s birthday party. The emo girl had been transfixed by Luan’s mime performance, deeply touched and had wanted to talk excitedly to Luan about it when it was all over. Luan had been more than happy to discuss the art and its long history, but said her goodbyes at the end and thought that would be the end of it. Until she ran into the girl again in Drama club.
Some of Maggie’s emo clique had joined up with the club, and Maggie came with them. She didn’t want to be an actress, but she was an artist at heart, and enjoyed working on the backdrops, props and costumes for the stage. She had excitedly approached Luan after recognizing her, so eager to hang out with her again and learn even more about her. But Maggie had looked disappointed when she learned Luan had a boyfriend. Still, Maggie was a kind and understanding girl at heart, even if a little melodramatic. She had still wanted to be friends, and she even wanted to meet and be friends with Benny too.
It was a little surprising she hit it off with him so well. She was fascinated by his trained dancing, and singing, and how secure he was in himself despite being associated with what others might have considered ‘girly’ activities. Benny also started tutoring her in math, a subject Maggie had been having some trouble in.
It wasn’t uncommon for her to hang out with the two of them often after that. She was their underclassman but they were happy to have her around. The three of them hung out at every cast party, and took her with them to every school dance. Somehow, she didn’t feel like a third wheel.
But those early days with the three not fully understanding what they wanted had led to some arguments and misconceptions. At one point both Benny and Luan thought the other was cheating on them with Maggie. Maggie meanwhile had felt horribly guilty for wanting to be with both of them. There had been fights, conflicts, and misplaced jealousy that had almost torn the three apart. Despite it all, none of them wanted the others out of their lives. Maggie offered to never speak to them again, horrified she might be causing conflict between them. Benny and Luan were both horrified of Maggie not being in their life. They forced it into the background for the sake of their shared friendship.
Until that day when they all got high together, and they ended up taking turns making out with each other. That had made things awkward at first when they all came down from their high. Awkward but also warm, and wanting more. Slowly the three began to realize they liked it. They liked being with one another. They felt more complete together. They watched out for each other, they took care of each other, they loved one another.
But it was still something the three of them were reluctant to come out with to their families. Leni knew, and Luna knew, but the rest of the family remained in the dark. Benny’s family expected a nice Jewish wedding with the Loud girl. The Louds expected Luan to announce her engagement to Benny any day now. Maggie’s family wasn’t even aware she was in a relationship. Even as the three talked of their dream of eventually living together, having some kind of spiritual ceremony to bind themselves together, even if they had no idea how to do so legally.
That was the unspoken topic none of them ever wanted to bring up. If they would ever legally marry, because none of them wanted to leave any of the others feeling left out.
It was difficult at times, it was challenging, and it seemed as if all of society was against them. But Luan knew she needed both, as they needed each other and her. She liked to say comedy always came in threes, which let her know they were meant to be. She understood she was the dominant partner in their little throuple, but that only made her more determined to take care of both of them, in her uniquely Luan way.
Maybe this was on her mind because of what she planned on discussing next with her lovers. To share a family secret with the two most important people in her life, outside of her family. They tried to keep no secrets between them, but she had a good feeling they’d understand why she hadn’t opened up to them about this.
She was broken from her reverie looking at the two by the sound of Maggie’s voice directed at her.
“Luan, I swear to god, if you start playing that kazoo while I cum again, I’m going to shove it right up your ass.”
Benny looked down and gave Maggie a cynical look, even as Luan passed him the joint, “Don’t threaten her with a good time Maggs.”
Luan only giggled as she folded her arms over her chest, “Aww, what’s wrong Maggie, I thought your own crescendo deserved a little celebration, but now I know next time to play my flute!”
Maggie groaned, even as Benny handed her the joint after taking his own hit.
“See, what did I tell you?”
Luan wasn’t finished, “Benny, but you love the way I play the flute! Why are you complaining now?”
Benny just looked back at Luan with confusion, “Luan, we don’t even own a flute!”
Luan only grinned, “Course we do! The ole flesh flute between your legs!”
Maggie and Benny both groaned again. Maggie looked up to Benny, still holding the joint between her lips. She took on a hard gaze as she nodded at her boyfriend, “Benny, hold her down, I’m going to smother her with this pillow.” Maggie sat up, grabbing hold of her pillow. Benny sat up as well behind her, looking a little skeptical, “I don’t know Maggie, are we sure can get away with hiding the body?”
Luan was laughing, holding her hands up, “Wait, at least let me enjoy a last meal!”
Maggie stopped, hovering over Luan the pillow in her hands. The dark-haired emo raised her eyebrow, “Oh? And what does Luan Loud want as her last meal?”
Luan put her finger to her chin in thought as she smirked, “Oh I was thinking bearded clam! Now come sit on my face Maggie!” Luan launched into hysterical laughter, Benny and Maggie groaned.
Benny frowned and reached over and holding Luan’s shoulders down as he nodded grimly, “Right, it has to be done. Sorry Luan, we’ll mourn you every day.”
Luan giggled as she playfully struggled against the other two, “Wait I’m not done! After my calm I was thinking I could enjoy some fine cut sausage.” Shooting a glance at Benny she added in a seductive voice, “With a large squirt of mayonnaise,” then proceeded to lick her lips in an exaggerated way.
Regarding her Benny pondered that she was currently only a two on the Luan scale regarding her sexual world play. Yesterday had involved a frozen sub being brought to bed before either Maggie or Benny had woken up. Luan had proceeded to molest both of them with it, while loudly singing the score from the iconic movie, The Breakfast Club, only with Luan singing, ‘DON’T YOU…BAGUETTE ABOUT ME!’
Remembering the encounter, Benny held Luan down harder and quickly yelled, “It’s a preventive measure! We have to stop you before you achieve your next form!”
Luan continued to giggle and laugh, kicking her feet, “You’ll never meet another clown as sexy as me! I’m too funny to die!”
Maggie leaned down with the pillow, only to press it over Luan’s breasts instead, pull the joint from her mouth and give a quick peck to Luan’s lips.
The three fell on one another in laughs, hugs, and kisses. Spending time basking in one another’s presence. Taking in the feeling of being close, the wonderful sensation of skin-to-skin contact, and sharing body heat with each other while they passed the joint between them, smoking it down to the base.
The three were good and toasted, not so baked as to be in an entirely different world, but the pleasant, heightened sensations which made touching each other’s skin feel even greater coursed through them. Their minds slipped into the expanded consciousness that came with it, and a happy giddiness flowed through them.
Luan thought this was the best time to talk to them about such a complicated subject. She had no idea how her two partners would react. It wasn’t like they were intimately tied to it themselves, but she was, and frankly, she was beginning to see way too many parallels between her situation and her sisters.
Luan’s mood began to darken, even as she did her best to keep her typical happy playful demeanor. She looked up at the ceiling of her bedroom, as she gently threaded her fingers through Maggie’s hair.
“So, I’ve got a terrible joke for you two, absolutely awful, but I need to tell it anyways.”
Luan never typically offered warnings for her jokes like this. Far from it, she was the girl who said a quip the moment it came to her mind, regardless if anyone was ready or not. The fact she prefaced this joke with a warning caught the attention of Maggie and Benny. They both looked over at her with questioning gazes.
Luan’s grin only got wider. She was stoned, so the ridiculousness of it all was just beyond funny for her, it was almost like a cruel joke the universe was playing on her family, she just had to laugh in order not to cry.
“What’s brown, blonde, and black, and wants to fuck my brother?”
Benny and Maggie just stared at Luan, they were both stoned themselves and their brains were having a difficult time trying to process what the comedian had just said. Slowly they caught on, and their bewildered expressions didn’t change. They had no idea what had brought this on, or where Luan was going with it.
Luan never stopped grinning, like it was the greatest joke in the whole world. Like the punchline would actually floor all of them, but her eyes were telling a different story. Her eyes projected nothing but fear, uncertainty and pain.
At last, she let them have it.
“My Sisters!”
Luan fell back, giggling uncontrollably to herself, her hands going to her stomach as she doubled over. Maggie and Benny just continued to stare. Shock on their lips. They watched Luan laughing for what felt like minutes, even if it was only seconds.
It was Benny who finally responded, “Luan…that’s… that’s not funny.”
Only for Luan to pop up, grinning like a mad fool, as she replied, “Oh but it is Benny Boy! It really really is! It’s fucking hilarious! It’s the darkest, blackest comedy…Three of my sisters are absolutely miserable, pining after something they can’t have, three of their other sisters won’t even let them bring up around him, while I’m in a relationship of three people and I’m terrified of being judged by the rest of them!”
Luan fell back again, laughing once more, but it was a sad and bitter laugh. She laughed, and laughed, and laughed, before she began to break down. Her laughs turned into soft sobs, even as she forced herself to grin through the pain, even as she wiped at her eyes, sniffled and went on…
“And everyday I’m reminded of it. Everyday I have to watch my sweetest, kindest sister, the one taking care of us, the one who doesn’t judge our love, who’s the embodiment of wholesome, and I have to tell her, her love is wrong. I have to watch her and tell her she can’t even discuss these feelings with the person she loves so much. I’m the one who knows she cries herself to sleep over it, I’m the one who knows why she lights up so much every time she hears his voice. I have to sit in judgement of her, I have to keep her away from what she wants most, while she’s done nothing but take care of me, and tell me there was nothing wrong with my heart. And it makes me realize, those other two sisters who feel the same way, are probably in just as much pain and heartache as she is.”
Luan buried her face into her hands, as she began to shudder and sob gently, laughing still through her tears.
“It’s a horrible joke! Leni has done nothing but encourage my love for both of you, while I’ll I’ve done is made her feel guilty about her love for Lincoln! All while she provides a home for Benny and me! All while she tells us not to worry about Rent, all while she tells us how happy she is we’re here with her, so she won’t be alone!”
Benny and Maggie were both floored by this revelation. It had just seemed to come out of nowhere, and yet they could tell Luan was deadly serious. Her tears were real, her frustration was real. She was trying to deal with this burden and pain in the way she always did, with laughter, but it was clear the guilt she felt was enormous.
Maggie and Benny reached over with their arms and hands, they took hold of Luan and pulled her firmly between the two of them. Maggie scooted over to occupy the spot Luan was once in. They pulled themselves around her, as she continued to cry, and held her hands out in frustration.
“But what am I supposed to do?! I have to think of Lincoln, I have to protect him, and I have to protect them too! They could go to jail! They’d be pariahs, outcasts, possibly disowned by our family! I don’t know how Mom and Dad would take it! So, I have to, I have to keep hurting Leni for her own good!”
Luan reached up, wiped her eyes again, sniffled and then smiled at the two, before she added, “I hate it. I’m a fucking hypocrite.” A smile on her lips.
Benny and Maggie both still didn’t know how to respond, all they knew was that Luan was hurting, and they needed to be there for her. Benny gently ran his fingers up and down Luan’s naked back, while Maggie hugged her tightly.
The sensation of her two lovers put her heart at some ease, as she gave a weak smile towards both, a heavy sigh coming from her.
“Sorry to spring it on you like that. I know that it’s….” Luan trailed off, frowning, she didn’t know how to describe it, what to say. Only to have Benny and Maggie respond almost at the same time.
“Really weird” was Benny’s response.
“Kinda hot” was Maggie’s.
Both looked at one another blinking a few times, Luan looked at both and gave a smirk herself.
Benny only looked back at Maggie, a questioning look, “Kinda hot? Really Mags?! How is that hot?!”
Maggie looked back with a frown, it was clear she suddenly felt judged and was getting defensive, “It just is, okay? The whole forbidden flesh thing, the taboo nature, it’s it’s just a kink! Besides who are we to judge? It’s not like most people would think our relationship was normal either!”
Benny shook his head, “That’s, that’s different! Come on Maggie!”
Maggie frowned looking back at Benny, folding her arms “is it Ben?! Is it really?!”
Benny looked exasperated, “Yes! Because I’m not related to either of you!”
This was going nowhere Luan realized, and worst of all it was devolving into a fight. Luan did not want to deal with that right now, “Stop! Stop both of you! I don’t want a fight! It’s the last thing I want right now!”
Maggie and Benny looked back at one another, both with apologetic expressions. Benny frowned, clearly looking upset that he’d made both girls uncomfortable “I’m sorry Mags, I just, I had a knee-jerk reaction. This is just, it’s really strange to me.”
Maggie leaned over Luan, and kissed Benny’s lips, she brought her hand up and stroked his cheek gently as she gazed into his eyes, “I get it, Benny, I’m just… I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I might have something of an incest fetish. I kind of like those ‘help me step-brother’ videos. But, that’s not real life.”
Maggie flushed horribly, as Benny and Luan both blinked at her.
Luan managed to smile even with as broken up as she’d been feeling, giving Benny a playful punch to his arm, “Come on, I know you like Anime, shouldn’t you be fine if we start calling you Oni-chan in bed?”
Maggie spoke before she even realized it smiling broadly, “Fuck, that would be hot.”
Luan grinned, Benny flushed, he coughed into his hand and tried to reassert the focus of what was going on, even as Luan reached down, took hold of his dick, and began to stroke it softly, speaking in a sing song tone as she did, “Big brother, what’s this? Why is what you have different from what we have? Can we play with it big brother?”
Benny started getting hard and aroused despite himself. Maggie noticed and grinned even more. She leaned up and began to kiss his cheek, whispering in a sultry tone, “Big brother, will you teach us how to kiss? We’ve been practicing on each other, but we want to know how a boy feels.”
Benny was about to lose it, but the seriousness of their discussion made him come to his senses and he put both hands on the girl’s foreheads and pushed back gently, “Okay! Okay! Stop! We’re supposed to be talking about this…. situation… you have Luan.”
Luan laughed a little again, releasing her boyfriend’s dick as she nodded and smiled, “Well, it was a nice distraction for a minute.” She sighed heavily as she settled back between the two of them.
Maggie turned on her side to face Luan, her expression turning more serious even as she shot Benny a grin that made the young man flush again horribly, “When did all this start? You mean really, they really want to be with Lincoln? It’s not just a weird sex thing like it is for me?”
Luan slowly nodded as she sat back and brought her knees up to herself. She wrapped her arms around them and smiled sadly.
“Yeah, Leni, Lynn, and Lucy. They’ve always had a crush on Lincoln. I could see it with Lynn and Lucy, he shared a room with Lynn for so long, and he always doted on Lucy. Those two are the closest in age to him as well.”
Benny nodded, “But Leni?”
Luan pursed her lips, frowned and seemed to stare off at nothing, “I didn’t get it at first. She’s 5 years older than him, for a moment…I thought she might be, I really was afraid that…that…” Luan trailed off again, unable to say the words she wanted to.
Maggie spoke up, Maggie was the darkest of the three by nature, she could face things the other two wanted to dance around, “You were afraid she was a pedophile.”
Benny winced, closing his eyes. Luan smiled weakly again, and nodded, “That was our biggest fear. That we would have to watch Leni the most. I think it hurt Lori more than anything, she loves Leni so much. She didn’t want to conceive of Leni being a child molester. I think it’s why she’s always had the hardest time with all of this.”
Maggie frowned to herself, more in thought than anything else, she brought up the next question, “Did she ever show any other behavior that made you think it could be that? Look at your younger sisters any strange ways? Other kids besides Lincoln?”
Luan slowly shook her head, “No, absolutely not. She never, ever did. That’s just it, I’ve watched her now, I’ve seen her. It’s only ever been Lincoln, only him. And she even insisted she wanted to wait until he was…old enough… to begin a real relationship with him.”
Luan breathed out again, holding back her emotions once more, bringing a hand up into her long loose flowing golden brown hair, “I know it’s weird, and everything outside tells me it’s wrong…but I’ve seen Leni’s love, it’s….it’s one of the most pure things. She wants Lincoln to be happy, but she just wants to tell him, even if he says no to her, she just wants to tell him.”
Benny could clearly understand Luan’s pain, he’d been living with Leni right along side of her, he had benefited from the sweet girl’s overwhelming generosity, and he’d been aware of a sadness in her heart. One that now finally made so much sense to him. Yet, he couldn’t help but think of their brother, Lincoln, and how this could possibly affect him.
“Luan, you have to think of Lincoln though. I know it’s terrible watching Leni in pain, I do. But how do you think Lincoln would react if he found out one, let alone three, of his sisters were in love with him?”
Luan sadly grinned again looking over towards Benny, “Talk about a three-way split huh?” She laughed, then looked down at her feet again, “I don’t know Benny. It’s why I can’t just tell Leni to go ahead and do it anyway. I don’t know how Lincoln would react. I don’t want him thinking his sisters are weird and it breaking up our relationships with each other.”
Benny rolled his eyes, and reached over to gently caress Luan’s back once more, “Lincoln already thinks his sisters are weird. But that’s one of the reasons he loves all of you.”
Maggie cut in, “More to the point, he could never remain angry at any of you. That boy is whipped by all 10 of you. Cut a sister out of his life just for loving him too much? He’d never do that.”
Luan looked back to Maggie with a frown, “But that’s also just it. What if they tell him, and he decides to be with them, just because he feels obligated to do so?”
Maggie looked coldly back at Luan, “And what if he does? What if that’s exactly what he does? You know what that says? It says your brother hasn’t grown up and become a man.”
Benny blinked back a little in shock, “Maggs, don’t you think that might be a little unfair?”
But Maggie wasn’t finished, she shook her head as she sat up to face the other two, “No I don’t. Benny, you remember when you told Luan you loved me too? Wasn’t that one of the hardest things you ever did in your life?”
Benny looked towards Luan, as the memory came back, the memory of being terrified of Luan’s reaction when he told her he loved Maggie just as much as her. Luan looked back and smiled, reaching over and gently touching his cheek.
Benny looked back, “Yeah well, I had a feeling that Luan felt about you just as strongly, so it wasn’t like it was a complete risk for me.”
Maggie folded her arms as she looked at the two, “But it was still a risk. There was still a chance Luan could have rejected you. You could have said nothing, Luan could have said nothing, and then the two of you would have started cheating on each other, for time with me. And because I was so in love with both of you, I would of went along with it, just so I wouldn’t be completely out of your lives. But you have balls Benny, it’s why I love you. Your brave. Lincoln has to show he’s an adult. He has to show he’s capable of saying No to the people he loves most. Or he’s just a child, and this situation will never really end.”
Luan continued to stare forward, listening to everything her two lovers were saying, trying to balance all of it out. It was Benny who spoke up, as if he was starting to see the dark-haired girl’s point of view.
“So, it’s…it’s best if they get it out in the open, and let him know. That’s what you’re arguing isn’t it Maggs? Because at the least if he knew, they could get their answer and if he rejects them, move on with their lives.”
Maggie nodded, “Right. If you two had rejected me, if there had been any rejection, it wouldn’t have killed us. I know I would have been sad and devastated, but I would have moved on. If being rejected drives any of your sisters to the point they would do something stupid, then their love for Lincoln was the least of their problems.”
Luan looked up between the two, her gold-brown eyes taking in Benny and then Maggie as she brought up the obvious question for herself, “But what if he doesn’t reject them? What if he decides he really wants to keep it in the family? What if he chooses one over the others? Maggie it’s not as cut and dry as you think, people could get really hurt, my sisters could stop talking to one another, my family could excommunicate Lincoln!”
Maggie shook her head again and looked back to Luan, “And what if your family rejects you, or your sisters don’t want to talk to you anymore because of what the three of us have? What if they argue you can’t love more than one person, or you’re lying to yourself, or we’re just desperate and clinging to one another. What if they say it’s just about Sex Luan?! Are you going to break it off with me? Are you going to stay with Benny because he’s the safe option?”
Luan looked horrified, Benny did too, but the parallel was very real. Benny was the safe socially acceptable relationship, Maggie being part of that made it taboo. Even if their situation didn’t involve something nearly as shocking as incest, their relationship still suffered horrible stigma and misunderstandings.
She threw her arms around Maggie and pulled her in for a tight hug. Benny quickly joined them both, they opened their arms to pull him in as well. Luan shook her head, “I’d never do that Maggie! Ever! Benny would never let us do it!” The ‘us’ being mentioned was understood to imply all three.
Maggie smiled as she hugged the two back tightly, this really seemed to roost home for her more than anything. There was always the fear she was only the +1 among them. She placed kisses on each of their cheeks, “If you want your sisters to be happy, and have a chance of moving on, then they have to be able to tell Lincoln. Even if there are hurt feelings. Otherwise, it’s just going to grow and fester until something pops.”
Benny sighed as he nodded, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think Maggie is right. They’re adults now, well okay Lucy isn’t…so maybe it would be best to wait until she was, but Lincoln shouldn’t be kept in the dark. That and, it’s not right for Lori to control aspects of your other sisters’ lives. Even if she thinks it’s for their own good.”
Luan nodded again. All of the words being said by her two partners made sense. She hated the whole situation, and honestly wished her sisters would just get over their crushes. But she knew the truth, what Leni had wasn’t just a ‘crush’. It was actual love. She was in love with Lincoln. She had to imagine it was the same for Lynn and Lucy. It wasn’t their job to ‘protect’ Lincoln anymore. Especially not from his own sisters.
She was reminded of something Leni had said to her, about her own relationship once. ‘Luan, who you love is like, totes your business and their business and no one elses.’
She knew whatever happened, she would love them, all of them, regardless. Lincoln and all of her sisters, they were the best people to grow up with, and as messy as everything was, she would never turn her back on any of them. Even if Lincoln decided he wanted to be with one of his sisters. Even if that unthinkable set of circumstances came to pass, Luan knew she’d never turn her back on them.
She placed a kiss on Benny’s lips, and then Maggie’s, squeezing them tightly. “I love you two so much, I don’t think I would have been able to face all of this without you both. It’s so easy to try and make jokes about it, and act like it isn’t real, but it is, and I’m just so scared for my family. But I know if I’m there for them, no matter what happens, they’ll be better for it.”
Maggie smiled and kissed Luan’s cheek, “Oh, baby, you know we’re here for you. We’re here for you and we’re here for your family, always.”
Benny kissed Luan’s other cheek, “That’s right. We’d never let you face any of this alone, or your family for that matter.
Luan let herself bask in the love of her partners, holding them close and breathing in their scents. She thought she would have to talk to her other sisters about all of this. She’d have to talk to Leni. She’d have to talk to Lori. They needed to handle this situation rather than just keep kicking the can down the road over and over again.
But for now, she was content and happy. That, and still buzzing from the reefer, she was getting horny again. She slowly pushed Benny over onto his back, and then started to mount him. Straddling the athletic boy’s body, her hands sliding over his pecs.
“Big brother, Sis and I want to show you what we learned in health class today. Maybe you can help us both get extra credit?”
Benny looked up, eyes wide, blinking in surprise even as his body began to respond right away. His hands slipping over Luan’s plump ass, giving it squeezes as he just decided to play along, grinning the whole while, “Oh, don’t worry little sister. Big brother will help both of you get the best score you can.”
He looked over at Maggie. The pale dark-haired girl was biting her lower lip, eyes wide as saucers and grinning like crazy.
Benny smirked at her and continued, “Maggie, come here, your big brother wants to show you how to give a proper kiss…”
Maggie moaned softly and shivered, whispering to herself, “Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck! Yes big brother! Yes!” Before she was on him in moments, pressing her lips to his.
If nothing else, the three were happy in their own little ‘family’ for the moment.
Wednesday Morning Wolverine University Dorms, Ann Oaks
Lynn Loud stared herself down in the bathroom mirror of her Wolverine U dorm. Margo and she shared the bathroom with the room right next to theirs, adjoining the two rooms. At the moment, however, Margo was gone, as were the neighbor students in the room next to their own.
Lynn was glad for this. She didn’t want anyone else with her right now. She had to prepare herself for the discussion she was about to have with her younger sister. One she was dreading but was necessary.
Her hands gripped the porcelain sink of the little bathroom with white knuckle tension. She continued to stare at herself, straight into her own eyes, psyching herself up. This was going to be the hardest conversation she’d had up to this point in her life.
Who was she kidding, this wasn’t just going to be the hardest conversation, it was going to be the hardest moment. The anxiety and tension she currently felt was unlike anything she had ever experienced. Her nerves were on edge, her muscles ached from the constant tension. A cold sweat permeated her boy. It didn’t help she hadn’t been able to sleep at all the night before, and she’d already thrown up once.
She breathed in deep, trying to use the mental exercises she knew to calm herself. The ones that got her through the hardest parts of any game. But none of it worked.
Facing herself in the mirror she spoke.
“Come on Lynn, you never lose, you can do this. You can do this. You need to do this, she’s the only one who will understand.”
Despite her own words of encouragement, the anxiety didn’t pass.
The only one who would understand the situation she was in, was Lucy. One of the two other sisters who had grown up with an inappropriate level of affection for their brother Lincoln. There was Leni too of course, but Leni was currently in Great Lakes with the very brother they all loved so much. The brother Lynn had gotten to spend one night of passion with, and a wonderful weekend that gave her an idea, a glimpse of a life with him.
A life she had to continuously remind herself she could never have. That weekend had been a little slice of Heaven on earth for her. It had been a fulfillment of her every fantasy. Lincoln may have been her brother, but he was also handsome, kind, understanding, thoughtful, and brave when he needed to be. He had been her best friend growing up, her favorite person to play with. He was fun, determined, perseverant, and tough. And after that wonderful night, she had learned he was amazing in bed.
Not that Lynn had much to compare him too, but he had satisfied her. More than satisfied her. In the weeks since that night she had touched herself so often recalling the memory of how he held her so tight, how he kissed her so deeply, and how he rocked inside of her like the world was ending.
Only now she was dealing with the very real consequences of their tryst.
She didn’t think Leni would give her what she needed to deal with this either. Leni would be happy, Leni would want to celebrate, Leni would try to convince her to try and make it work with Lincoln. That’s just how Leni was, and that was the exact opposite of what Lynn needed right now. Because she would listen to Leni, it would be the only excuse she needed, she would pursue that relationship with Lincoln, with Leni cheering them on.
What she needed right now is the sister who would be angry with her, who would take it hard, and would convince her to stay on the path she’d already established for herself. The sister who would remind her when she told Lincoln it would be impossible. When she poured her heart out and said it could never work.
She just hoped Lucy wouldn’t kill her when she told her the truth.
A few minutes later, her phone buzzed indicating she’d received a text. Taking it out the pocket of her track pants she gazed down and saw what she expected.
Spooky Sister
‘I’m here.’
Lynn took another deep breath, felt her stomach churn, but held back the bile from coming up again. It was game time.
The parking lot of her dorm was mostly empty, given the Holiday weekend had already started. There were a few cars here and there, students who for what ever reason were going to stay in Ann Oaks for the week, and those who had simply decided to not leave until later. But for the most part, the large cement area with its yellow lines was barren.
The grey cement was wet with rain that had fallen over night, and the cloud cover was grey, threatening more rain to come during the day. Rain was common in November, at least in Michigan, but Lynn noticed it seemed to match her mood, and the mood of the occupant of the green 4 door sedan that was parked and waiting for her.
Lucy Loud had gotten up early, far earlier than she’d wanted to for a day off from school, and all for a meeting she wasn’t looking forward to. The pale goth had informed her parents Lynn needed to be picked up, and their mother Rita had happily lent the keys to her car, thanking her daughter for volunteering to do so.
Their mother had no idea it was because the two were going to be discussing their brother, and the love they both carried for him in their hearts. Lincoln had already told Lucy that Lynn and he had discussed her feelings for him a couple weeks ago. According to her brother, it had been an intense and emotional encounter, but one that had been resolved with Lynn letting him know she didn’t want to pursue things with him.
In a sense, Lucy already knew what this conversation was going to be about. But she still felt dread coiling in her heart, an unspoken growing cold fear that seeped into her nerves slowly but surely. One that had grown stronger and stronger the closer she had gotten to her former roommate. She told herself again and again, this was going to be alright. Lincoln was already hers. She had taken the initiative, followed her heart and went after the prize, her other two sisters be damned.
But no, she did feel guilt for claiming Lincoln as her own now. After the sobering conversation she had with Lola. She couldn’t help but remember how the three of them had agreed to leave Lincoln alone.
But that had been before Lincoln had turned 18, before he was a full adult, and he could decide for himself who he wanted to be with. Yes, she was only 16, but she had loved Lincoln for as long as she could remember, and he had decided he wanted to be with her.
Or at least that was how she had thought about it until recently. Before the horrible truth of her selfishness and manipulation was laid bare before her. Now what she wanted to do was beg her big brother’s forgiveness, let him know she had been wrong, she had been truly selfish in her pursuit of him, but that she did love him and wanted a real relationship. One based on truth.
And as scared as she was of this upcoming conversation, as dread filled as it made her, part of that truth, part of that being a better girlfriend to Lincoln, would also be coming to terms with her other sisters. Understanding their pain and being non-judgmental. One day they would know the truth, and Lucy had realized she didn’t want them to hate her. She still thought she was the best match for her brother, if nothing else than simply because the two had more in common with each other than either Leni or Lynn did. But she had to force herself to recognize her other sisters love was just as valid as her own. Even if when it came down to it, she was certain her gothic soul was better for his nerdy heart than her jock sister and her fashionista sister.
Lucy looked out the window, watching as the girl she’d shared a room with for years made her way to the car. It always struck Lucy as ironic that she ended up so much taller than Lynn. While she was certain Lynn could ball her up into a human pretzel and then slam her into a basketball net if she cared too, at least she’d be able to argue back, ‘I’m still taller than you’!
Lynn was dressed in track clothes as usual, blue and gold the colors of Wolverine. Red was her older sister’s favorite color, and she always made sure to at least wear one article of it (Her T-shirt today), but she was happy to wear the colors of her school. Her chestnut hair pulled back into its usual ponytail.
Lucy herself was dressed even more down than usual, having simply thrown on her fall jacket over the clothes she had rolled out of bed with. The long black t-shirt she had slept in, and the striped pajama pants she typically wore. She didn’t plan on being seen anywhere this early.
Lynn fixed her with a smile and Lucy did her best to return it. It was forced on both their ends, but not because of animosity between them, but the nervousness and tension on both ends for the upcoming conversation.
Lynn piled into the passenger seat, tossing her duffel bag into back. As she settled in, she yawned, reached over and gave Lucy a hug. Lucy didn’t resist, she reached over and returned it, whatever happened next, she wanted her sister to know she loved her.
“Hey Luce.”
Lucy nodded in return, “Good morning, Lynn. Do you have everything you need for the next few days?”
Lynn nodded reassuringly, “Yeah got everything packed up and ready to go!”
Lucy nodded again and began to pull out of the parking lot. Lynn fastened her seatbelt.
The two fell into an uncomfortable silence in the grey morning, as the streets of Ann Oaks, far more deserted than usual, began to slowly pass them. Lynn looked out the window, Lucy concentrated on driving. They both knew a conversation was coming up, but Lynn wasn’t ready.
“Things going good for you at school right now?” Lynn asked, trying to make small talk.
Lucy nodded, “Quite well, the first semester is almost over, my club is still running strong.”
Lynn smiled, nervously, still trying to carry on as if this was just any ordinary time her sister was picking her up.
“Good, glad to hear that. The other girls doing good too?”
Lucy nodded again, “I think Lana is seeing a boy, but she isn’t ready to fully talk about it just yet... Someone in her autoshop class. Those are the rumors going around school. But you’ll be able to ask her yourself.”
Lynn replied, “Oh heh, I wonder what Lola thinks about that.”
Once more the two fell into silence as they drove together. Lynn realized she only had just over a half hour to bring the topic up with Lucy, and time was slipping away.
As they pulled out onto the Freeway around 10 minutes later, Lynn decided it was finally time to at least, try and bring things up. As far as Lucy was concerned the conversation didn’t need to happen. Lincoln had already told her everything, so if Lynn lost her nerve that would be okay. She didn’t know fully why, but she understood, she really didn’t want to hear it. She just, didn’t want to hear or know what happened, let her continue in blissful ignorance so she could continue to hold her beloved brother in her heart without difficulty.
Then Lynn’s finally broke the uneasy silence, her voice soft.
“How’s Lincoln been?”
So here it was finally. Lucy braced herself, breathed in slowly and then out again. Her sister couldn’t see it, but Lucy’s eyes had slowly darted over in her direction.
“He’s been well, I’ve been making sure of that.”
Lynn nodded, giving a weak smile in return.
“We all take care of him, don’t we? I wonder if he realizes how spoiled he is. 10 Sisters who think the world of him, always ready to be there whenever he’s upset or hurt.”
That made Lucy smile despite the tense mood between them.
“He deserves nothing less. He takes care of all of us.”
Lynn gave out a long low sigh and nodded as she looked out the window. She watched the rural pine trees of Michigan pass by as they left the city environs of Ann Oaks and began to pass through the less inhabited areas of Michigan. Even southeast Michigan was broken up by rural areas and small towns between the suburbs and cities.
“Yeah, he does. Good ole Stinkin.”
Lynn went silent again, biting her lower lip as she steeled herself for what she needed to do next. Her voice came softly again, but with conviction.
“Lucy, pull the car over to the shoulder.”
Lucy looked back towards her sister, her sightless gaze burrowing into her.
“Why do I need to do that Lynn?”
Lynn swallowed, feeling her mouth going dry.
“Because we need to talk. You know what about.”
Lucy frowned, turning her attention to the road. She gripped the steering wheel even tighter.
“Why do you think I need to stop the car, Lynn? Why can’t you just tell me while I’m driving?”
Lynn reached forward and placed her hand on Lucy’s shoulder, Lucy looked over, and the pain she saw in Lynn’s eyes made her heart almost stop. Lynn looked ready to cry. Suddenly Lucy was far more worried than she was before, but also far more concerned.
“Just please Luce, please. Trust me on this.”
Lucy nodded her head, shooting her sister a concerned expression before she gently pulled off to the shoulder, slowed down, and put the car into park. When the sedan was stationary, Lucy turned and fixed her sister with her sightless gaze once more.
“Alright Lynn. Tell me what happened that weekend.”
Lynn looked back, she stared at the face of her little sister. A face she genuinely loved, the girl she had slept next to for years. They had almost nothing in common, but it didn’t change their connection. The mutual forbidden love they shared for a boy, and Lynn’s genuine concern for her little sister. She didn’t want to lie to her, so she just came clean.
“I slept with Lincoln.”
Time seemed to stand still for Lucy as those words reverberated through her ears. For a moment, just a brief fleeting moment, she tried to imagine Lynn only meant they had shared a bed. Her and Lincoln had merely slept next to one another. But she knew that was false. She knew what Lynn really meant.
Lynn was telling her that Lincoln had sex with her.
Lincoln had sex with Lynn.
Lincoln had betrayed her.
She felt such intense shock in that moment, she couldn’t even register the pain that was soon going to grip her, worse than anything else she’d ever felt in her life. The pain of the boy she loved most in the entire world betraying her…
Pain which would only be followed by confusion and wondering if she did something wrong. If this was her fault somehow. If she hadn’t been good enough for him. Hadn’t satisfied him enough.
She stared back at her sister numbly, unmoving, like a statue. Her expression was that of a stone.
Lynn however, had slowly begun to tear up, her eyes scrunching up in pain, even as she reached up to wipe them. She knew what she had just done to her little sister, and she hated herself for it.
“I’m so sorry Lucy, I’m so sorry! It just happened! It’s my fault, we were sleeping together, just normally sleeping together, and I reached back and started touching him while he was asleep. I couldn’t help it, I missed him so much and and he was there. I molested him in his sleep and he didn’t pull away!”
Lucy didn’t want to know the details, and yet at least she knew it wasn’t Lincoln coming on to Lynn. The very brief respite that at least Lincoln hadn’t been the one to initiate things, but she was still overwhelmed by the sick feeling in her stomach, the punch to the gut that it all was.
A punch made only worse because she couldn’t scream, couldn’t yell and tell Lynn what she’d done. That she’d slept with her boyfriend. Even if that boyfriend was their brother. Lucy’s heart continued to break as she forced herself to remain still and swallow back all her emotions, hold them as tight as she could, even as she felt so hurt.
Lynn went on, wiping another tear from her cheek.
“But I told him we couldn’t do it. We couldn’t be together. I loved it so much Lucy, I wanted it so much, but after it was over, I told him we could never do it again, that we could never love each other like that. But I’m so sorry, I betrayed you and Leni, I’m so very sorry Lucy!”
Lynn continued to cry. Lucy wanted to hate her. Lucy wanted to feel nothing but rage towards her sister. But she was hit with the horrible truth of how she too had betrayed Leni and Lynn but hadn’t had the heart to tell them. She hadn’t been brave enough to tell either sister, and here was Lynn, not but a few weeks later, telling her little sister how sorry she was.
It only made Lucy feel even worse.
She had manipulated her brother, she had used sex to try and control him, and she had kept her other sisters out of the loop. Did she even have the right to be mad at Lincoln? She didn’t know. She was mad at him though. She was mad he hadn’t stopped Lynn. Angry he had let himself be seduced so easily. But then her brother could never say no to any of them. She hated herself, she was angry at Lincoln, and she angry at Lynn, but she also pitied her. It was a torrent of horrible emotions unlike anything she’d ever felt.
She was confused, and hurt, and angry at everything. Her heart was so torn up in knots though she didn’t even know how to express it. She didn’t know whether she wanted to cry, laugh, or scream.
But then it got worse.
“There’s more Lucy…” Lynn got out between sobs. Lynn looked like her entire world was falling apart, like her reality was disintegrating the further she spoke. Lucy wanted her to stop. Just stop speaking, to not say any more horrible truths.
“I’m late.”
And then Lynn sobbed harder than Lucy had ever heard her cry before, just as those words truly began to register with her.
“Lucy…I think I’m pregnant!”
Lucy’s entire world crumbled before her eyes. The bottom fell out around her. Her entire world shrank to nothing but herself and her pain. She couldn’t hear anything but her own blood pounding in her ears. Her heart was jackrabbiting, and her entire body felt cold. She couldn’t breathe. She needed to breathe. She needed air. She needed to get away, she needed to run from herself.
She opened the car door barely managing to get her seatbelt off. She couldn’t even hear Lynn calling for her, yelling to come back.
She stumbled out like a zombie, walked ten feet in front of the car, and fell onto her knees…The world spiraled out of control around her, everything started to go dark.
She fell forward, her hands on the cement, and vomited.
Cats Corner: Special thanks to RedTrot for helping with Luan dialog. I’m not the best at Puns, and Red is one of my friends I met through writing here. Red very well might be a real life embodiment of Luan, and often times during our discussions I find myself wanting to reach through the screen and strangle them to stop with the endless parade of puns.
Next time, Leni and Lincoln’s date! Please don’t kick the cat for the ending to this chapter!
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The Shadow of his Heart