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The Shadow of his Heart	By : Catspeaker Category: +G through L > The Loud House Views: 12692 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own The Loud House, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 24
- 25
- 26
Last Week Charlottesville, Virginia
The hotel room that Sam Sharp and Luna Loud were sharing occupied a strange level of in-between lavish and affordable. Far greater than anything either had stayed in while teens with their family, but short of the true opulence. Yet, it made the two young rock stars feel as if they had truly made it. It was reflective of the growing fame the Moon Goats were capturing. The Moon Goats were popular in the 18-35 demographic skewing mainly towards the Caucasian ethnic groups (though with a strange large following in Japan as well) buoyed by large sales among the LGBT community of course thanks to Luan and Sam’s open relationship.
They’d just recently gone platinum on their latest album and had finally been signed by a major record company. They weren’t all millionaires quite yet, but they no longer had to stay at fleabag hotels, and drive from venue to venue in their roadie/bodyguard Chester aka Chunk’s old beat-up van. All signs were pointing towards the Moon Goats star continuing to rise.
Yes, the record label wanted to play up Luna and Sam’s relationship more for the press, and yes it was taking advantage of the fact Sam was a beautiful leggy blonde, and three of the four members were women, but that was just how the sausage was made. Lori had poured over the contract the Moon Goats had signed, just to make sure they’d still have enough creative freedom and they weren’t getting totally railed by the company. In the end it allowed Luna to not feel like they were complete sellouts, which was the number one priority in her mind.
It worked, while they weren’t taking home 100% of their profits anymore, they were also playing in larger venues, had someone else handling the PR and advertising, and now got to stay in better accommodations provided by the label. Yes, it meant making label mandated social appearances and press junkets, but mostly the band could focus on their music now. They didn’t have to worry about where they were going to stay or what they were going to eat next.
More though, the label was in talks for the Moon Goats to fulfill one of Luna’s greatest dreams of all time.
Touring with Mick Swagger.
Of all the strange coincidences in Luna’s life, one of them had to be the fact she was on a first name basis with one of the greatest rock legends of all time. Luna had met Mick while he was incognito in Royal Woods back when she was only 15. Relaxing and taking in the local color before a big concert. Dressed as a simple old man, he’d run into Luna and her Dad at a burpin burger and talked excitedly with the teen about music for the whole afternoon before the show started.
Since then, Mick had acted as a somewhat distant but much valued mentor while the rock star was growing up.
Mick was Luna’s Idol. While Luna had always loved music, and shown an aptitude for it from an early age, those who knew her in the current day would be shocked to learn she had started off largely interested in classical music and playing instruments like the Piano and violin. While Luna didn’t dislike other forms of music, none of it really absolutely captured her imagination until the day she heard Mick Swagger.
It had been her father of all people who had introduced her to Mick’s British Rock sound. Her Dad had been in the process of cleaning out the Garage when he’d been listening to one of Mick’s best records, ‘Sticky Digits’.
As Mick belted out ‘I’m knockin on the door’ and her father was singing along, Luna felt fireworks go off in her brain. His voice, the sound of his guitar, the drums in the band and the lyrics all blended together in a sound that was absolutely euphoric. She spent that whole afternoon with her dad, in the garage as he told her all about Mick and his band, played more of their records and talked to her about the British Rock sound and how it influenced so many other things.
Not long after that, Lynn Sr took little Luna to her first Mick Swagger concert, and Luna was hooked.
Rock and Roll was now her life.
Years later, after their fateful meeting, Mick still took an active interest in Luna’s life. Mick had even congratulated the Moon Goats, and Luna personally with a phone call when their record hit Gold, and then blew up social media with his congratulations after they hit Platinum. Now the Moon Goats were in negotiations to open for Mick next year. Luna couldn’t be happier.
The only thing she missed, was her family of course. All the Moon Goats did. They were at a point in their careers where they had to work their butts off, keep playing, keep touring, keep creating. It didn’t leave a lot of time for rest. They could take a break after they’re latest tour the band reasoned.
But it didn’t mean they didn’t get home sick, and Luna regularly called her family when she could. She loved to talk to her Mom and Dad, even if she did talk more to her Dad, all kids had the parent they were closest too, Luna, much like her roommate Luan, was a Daddy’s girl. He wore his Moon Goats t-shirts every chance he had and was almost embarrassingly proud of her. She also loved talking to her fellow performer and the sister she was closest too, Luan, followed by eldest sister Lori, and then finally Lincoln. Not that she didn’t talk to the rest, she did, but those were the ones she called and messaged most.
But right now, Luna’s thoughts were not on family. They were on a new song she was writing in her head.
Luna was sitting on the large queen-sized bed in their hotel’s bedroom (Their room had a separate living room AND bedroom! Luna was consistently freaked out by how nice that was), her trusty Logan V-80 Shredder, in her favorite color, deep purple in hand. She had changed out of her bikini from earlier in the day at the indoor pool and was now wearing an over-sized Mick Swagger t-shirt and pair of scandalously small cut off jean shorts.
She’d been casually strumming on her guitar, singing a few practice lyrics softly, working out the growing tune in her head, when her concentration was interrupted by the presence of her long-time girlfriend and future wife, Sam.
Sam was standing in the door frame, herself wearing a pair of hip hugging jeans, and a sleeve-less teal shirt that hung over her right shoulder. She was holding a bottle of water and was looking towards Luna with a slightly curious frown on her lips.
Luna was a chill person by nature, little interruptions from the people she loved didn’t bother her. But she still felt a little sense of foreboding with the look Sam was giving her. Yet, Luna simply stopped her strumming, placed her hands over her guitar and looked back to her girlfriend with a smile.
“What’s shakin Sam baby?”
Sam returned a soft smile as she made her way into the room towards the bed.
“You gonna finally tell me what a code Creamsicle is?”
Luna took a deep breath, as she folded her arms atop her guitar, holding it in her lap and casually leaning forward with a weak smile.
“Had a feelin that was what you were gonna ask me about.”
Sam smiled, leaned over as she sat down and kissed Luna’s cheek.
“Come on Lunes, I’ve been around your family long enough. Didn’t take me too long to figure out. Orange and white? It’s something going on involving Lincoln, isn’t it? I understand it’s very personal, but Luna, I’m going to be your wife, you know you can share anything with me.”
Another deep sigh came from Luna as she smiled weakly again and then looked back towards her girlfriend. Sam and Luna had been dating for years, but it was more than that.
Sam wasn’t just her girlfriend, but her best friend.
They’d even broken up briefly back during their senior year of High School and dated other people. They’d managed to keep the band together with no hard feelings between them. Even with that year and a half hiatus where they were no longer lovers. They had still been each other’s best friend.
Their relationship only seemed to be reinforced further when they came back together again, and Luna knew Sam wasn’t lying. The blonde rocker would take anything she said in stride. Luna decided it was time to let her future wife, and Lincoln’s future sister-in-law in on code creamsicle.
“Alright, you know my family is pretty close. Like very close, it’s something I’m proud of, very happy about.”
Sam nodded her head and responded.
“I know, it’s what encouraged me to get closer to my own little brother, watching how close you and your siblings are. I don’t think I would have made that effort if it wasn’t because of you and your family. I’m thankful to you for that.”
Luna smiled and responded.
“How is Simon and his streaming channel doing right now?”
Sam smirked a little to herself. Her little brother Simon loved videogames as much as she loved music. He even took it to a level beyond Luna’s brother Lincoln, making a career of it.
“Oh he’s doing great! Misses me of course, and you! That time we played on his stream gave him a super boost in ratings!”
Luna laughed in response and nodded, “Hey we picked up some new fans from that too! Nothin wrong with family helpin each other out dude!”
Sam nodded again.
“Yeah, but we’re not talking about my little brother. We’re talking about YOUR little brother Luna.”
Luna gave out a sigh, but continued to smile as she responded.
“I know, I know. Like I was saying, my family is close, and I love that. I love each and everyone of my sisters dearly. They’re the best. But you also know, with so many girls, Lincoln was always going to stand out. As the only dude, he was always going to have something of a special relationship with each of us.”
Luna’s smile got wider as she got caught up in nostalgia for a moment, before she went on.
“We thought Mom and Dad would be done after him. There were already five of us! All of us, his big sisters, we spoiled him. The little dude wasn’t just the baby for a minute there, but our baby brother. We felt like we had extra responsibility to him cause of that. But then Mom and Dad kept going, only he was still the only boy. The baby brother to the five of us older than him, the big brother to the five that are younger.”
Sam nodded before she spoke up with a slightly worried tone.
“I think…I might see where this is going.”
Luna gave a soft slightly worried laugh and nodded.
“Yeah, let’s just say dude, that while we all love him, some of my sisters are a little more attached to Lincoln than most people think they should be.”
Sam didn’t say anything, she wasn’t sure what the best thing to say here would be, so she just remained quiet, listening, her brow furrowed as she really took in what Luna was saying.
Luna nodded and went on.
“Yeah dude, some of my sisters want my brother. In like, a biblical sense.”
Sam let out a deep sigh of her own. It was a lot to take in, but when Sam really thought about it, she had always known there was something like this going on. She’d been too close to the Louds herself. She’d spent too much time with them to not notice the way some of Luna’s sisters acted around Lincoln.
Sam said the first one that popped into her head.
“Lynn.”
Luna nodded.
“Yeah, Lynn. She’s always adored Lincoln, should have seen them when they were real little and they shared a room. It was cute, we just thought she was taking her big sister role super seriously. She was always protective of Lincoln. Got way jealous if she thought we were hogging him sometimes. The truth was, we did fight over who got to play with him and take care of him.”
Luna looked off then with a slight frown before she continued.
“But it was more than that, as they got older it turned into, I don’t want to call it an obsession, but like a sickness in her. Lynn never came off as unhealthy, but it was clear she was in love with Lincoln. The sun and moon rose and sat on our little bro according to her. Though she had a funny way of showing it, with all the ways she liked to mess with him.”
Sam nodded as she too looked off in thought. Suddenly so much of the interactions she’d seen between Lynn and Lincoln made even more sense in light of this information. Sam responded.
“They went to Prom together.”
Luna nodded.
“Yup, with big sis Lori there to chaperone. Oh yeah, Lori is the one in charge of, fuck I guess we’re calling it Code Creamsicle. Heading up the watch we have over our sisters who have it bad for Linc.”
Sam gave a soft wince as she looked back towards Luna.
“There’s more? I kinda guessed it, but… how many more Luna?”
Luna gave a slightly awkward smile putting her left hand up and making a peace sign with it.
“Well thankfully just two more… at least as far as we know. But last we heard, it didn’t seem like the twins or Lisa was pining after Lincoln, and well there’s Lily but she honestly just seems to have a normal big brother-baby sister relationship with him.”
“So that means…”
Sam was connecting the dots. Luna nodded and responded.
“Yeah, Leni and Lucy.”
Luna chuckled and then continued.
“Honestly, those three couldn’t be more different from one another, but they’re the ones we’ve had to keep an eye on the most.”
Sam sat back as she thought about the other two sisters Luna had brought up. More and more it made a strange sort of sense to her. Leni was always doing things her own way, despite what anyone else thought. Her incredibly sweet nature combined with her unique way of doing everything had made her charming and popular everywhere she went. Crushing on her little brother was just one more thing that made Leni, Leni. Lucy, the shy introverted goth, morbid and creative, Lincoln was one of the few people she actively opened up to. Time and again Lincoln had stepped up to help her club activities, her poetry, and protected her. He wasn’t exactly a Byronic Hero, like most would think Lucy would be attracted to, but maybe it was because he was the complete opposite of that, she fell for him.
With a little more thinking about things, Sam spoke up.
“It’s Lucy isn’t it? She’s the one you’re worried about.”
Luna nodded before she clarified.
“Yeah, kinda dude. It’s a little more complicated, Lynn’s sort of involved, and it all has to do with where Linc’s gonna end up going to university, but Lucy’s the one raisin’ the most suspicions at the moment.”
Sam smirked as she responded.
“Lucy has grown up to be pretty sexy in that gloomy dark sort of way. She probably makes the boys and girls drool over her everywhere she goes.”
Luna took on a mocking shocked expression, laughed and playfully punched Sam in the arm.
“Bruh, you checkin out my sisters?!”
Sam returned the laugh before she threw her arms around Luna in response, grinning all the while.
“All of them, and your brother too! You Louds are a pretty hot bunch, but you’ll always be my favorite!”
Luna leaned over after they finished laughing, Sam leaned in and the two shared a tender lingering kiss. When it was over, Sam remained close to Luna, hanging her arms off her lover’s shoulders.
Despite the moment of levity, Luna frowned again before she went on.
“Lucy, been spending a lot of time with Linc. Like a lot a lot from what I hear. Ever since his breakup with the bitch. Knowin what we do about how she feels about him, we’re getting a little worried. Lola’s already told us she thinks they’re developing an unhealthy co-dependent relationship.”
Sam frowned in return, before she looked up at Luna.
“Do you really think your brother would…you know…” Sam trailed off.
Luna looked thoughtful for a moment, as if she was really turning it all over. Her brow furrowing under her short bangs before she responded with slight resignation.
“I dunno, but I think maybe. Yeah, I think it’s a real possibility. Linc, Lori says this is our fault and she’s right, but Linc loves us more than anyone else. We’re the most important people in his life. I think, in the right circumstances, it could happen. Real weird of me to say that, I know. But shit dude, I hate the fact I know it’s possible and I know it’s cause of us.”
Luna groaned softly and added “Kinda why we’re all pushing him towards his old girlfriend. Tryin to nip this thing in bud before it can get that far.”
Sam frowned again, before bringing up the potential uncomfortable truth.
“Luna, you’re saying you think it could happen. You really think that? Lincoln, and one of your sisters? What if, it’s already happening.”
Luna placed her guitar on the ground, she knew she wasn’t going to be getting back to it anytime soon. This sibling secret was now completely consuming her attention.
“Linc and I, shit, all of us have our own relationship with em, but I think I’ve always been the closest to him like a friend. When he was a little dude, he’d talk to me about anything on his mind, things he was too embarrassed to tell our other sisters. We’ve been so busy on the tour, I really haven’t talked to him as much I should have been. Maybe I need to call him.”
Sam nodded her head, smiled and kissed Luna’s shoulder.
“You should. But you’re dodging the question. If Lincoln is doing something with Lucy, what would you do? What if they want to stay together?”
Luna flopped back down on the bed, Sam clinging to her still. She stared up at the ceiling, deep in thought once more.
“Shit Sam, I don’t know. I really don’t know! Lori is the one who kinda called point on all this. And it made sense at the time when we first found out! Linc was barely 13, I get she wanted to, needed to protect him. Luan and I went along of course! It was shocking, but Sam, the truth is.”
Luna paused, frowning at herself more than anything else.
“I think we all sort of knew it already, and just chose to ignore it. We all love Linc, I ain’t lying when I say he’s the glue that holds us all together. So if we noticed some of us just wanted to be near that glue as much as possible, we let it happen. It wasn’t until Lori caught Leni trying to make out with him we had to deal with it.”
Sam hugged Luna tighter, trying to reassure her.
“But Lincoln isn’t 13 anymore.”
Luna nodded.
“Yeah, he’s 19, Lucy’s only 16 but that ain’t exactly a child anymore. I don’t know Sam, it’s weird to me, really weird, but can we even really stop it? I don’t think Lori’s considered that. Let’s say they are hooking up with each other, are we gonna tell our Parents? Our other sisters? Do we really wanna tear our family apart like that? Mr. and Mrs. Loud are real progressive parents, never had a problem with you and I, shit the McBrydes are in my Dad’s weekly D&D game. But I’m pretty sure they’re gonna drawn the line at incest.”
Sam asked the next question, probably the most important one.
“Would you stop talking to them, if they decided they were going to pursue a relationship?”
Luna looked shocked for a moment, before shaking her head, putting her hands up and crossing them back and forth.
“No way dude! I’d never stop talking to any of my sibs, for any reason! I might not like it, but I don’t care who it is, Leni, Lynn or Lucy. They’re my sisters and Linc is my little bro and I’d die for any of them!”
Sam gave a soft smile, leaned in and kissed Luna’s cheek.
“You know I’m not trying to upset you babe, I’m just trying to help you think through all of this. In case it happens.
Luna gave a weak smile again in Sam’s direction.
“Yeah…” She sighed, “I know, and it’s good. You just made me have to confront it and decide what to do. I’d tell em I don’t agree with it, and it’s dangerous, but I love em, no matter what. Louds stick together.”
Sam nodded once more.
“And what about your other sisters, what do you think they’d do if the worst-case scenario happened?”
Luna looked up and frowned.
“Shit Sam, that one’s harder. I know we all love each other, but I know some of my sisters would have a harder time dealing with it than others. Lori put so much pressure on herself over this, I think she’d have some kinda break-down and blame herself. Someone like Lola is already upset and she doesn’t even know about Code Creamsicle. But It’s not like all of us are one hundred percent hetero-normative either. Not just me, Luan is legit in love with two people.”
Luna looked back at Sam, “A guy and a girl, I couldn’t imagine loving anyone else but you, but I know her, I know she isn’t lying to me when she’s crying on the phone about it. She’s terrified of the rest of our sisters thinking she’s some kinda slut or weirdo. Doesn’t help Linc’s ex tried to use that kind of excuse on him. Just made her even more scared about opening up about it to the rest of the fam.”
Sam gave a pained expression. She was feeling sympathy for Luan. It was no secret Luan was the sister Luna was closest to, they’d shared a room for most of their childhood. Sam understood like Luna had said, she couldn’t imagine herself loving more than one person, but far be it for her to judge.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Luan? I know how close you two are, you know I don’t have any problem with it.”
Luna looked a little guilty before responding.
“Wasn’t my place to tell dude, even if I knew that. Guess I sorta blew it, but I don’t think Luan would mind, she knows your good peeps.”
Sam gave a slightly grim chuckle, “You Louds are a complicated lot.”
Luna smiled in return, “Yeah tell me about it. I blame Mom and Dad for having so many of us. Couple of us were gonna turn out weird cause of that.”
Sam squeezed Luna again, leaning forward and nuzzling her nose into Luna’s short brown hair.
“You know whatever happens, I’m here for you, and your family. They’re my family too.”
Luna leaned over and pressed her forehead against Sam’s own, closing her eyes. In this moment she counted herself so lucky to have a girlfriend like Sam. Not only Rockstar hot, but with girl next door sweetness and understanding.
“I know babe, I know. I’m just hoping Linc and Ronnie Anne reignite things over thanksgiving weekend. Shit, if we’re real lucky, they’ll swear undying love to each other and fuck like bunnies.”
Sam laughed as she placed several kisses on Luna’s cheek.
“Ronnie Anne, you all like her that much huh?”
Luna smirked before looking back at the ceiling.
“Yeah, we do. Ronnie’s a good girl. She was the girlfriend we all liked best, even Leni, Lynn and Lucy liked her. There’s lots of girls out there who’d probably make great partners for my bro, but he could do a helluva lot worse than Ronnie Anne.”
Sam nodded again and joined Luna in staring up at the ceiling.
“So we’re hoping Ronnie Anne and him remember those old feelings like you and I did after our break up, and get back together?”
Luna nodded.
“Seems that way dude.
Sam looked at her girlfriend again. A very serious expression on her features. What she planned to ask next was just as heavy as everything else they had been discussing.
“And knowing all this, you still okay with asking Linc to be our donor? You think he’d be up for it?”
Luna placed her hands up behind her head, a small smile on her lips. Sam had explained to Luna last week what she was thinking about when they decided they wanted children. It was another reason they knew they belonged together, both wanted to be mothers. Luna nodded.
“Yeah, I’m cool with it. Honestly, I’m honored you want it that way. It’s sort of you saying you’d want me to if we could.”
Sam nodded her head and grinned.
“That is what I’m saying Luna. I’ve always wanted to have a baby, and I want that baby to be with you, this is our way to do it.”
Luna turned towards her girlfriend once more, reached up and gently ran her fingers down Sam’s cheek.
“Poor Linc will probably faint when we ask, but I don’t think he’ll say no.”
Sam suddenly got an evil grin on her lips, looking playful.
“What if he wants to do it the old-fashioned way?”
Luna took on a shocked expression before jumping on Sam, playfully grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her.
“Then I’ll kick him in the balls, and you in the cunt you greedy bitch!”
Sam was laughing wrapping her arms around Luna’s waist, pulling her down into a suddenly passionate kiss. Luna wrapped her arms back around Sam and fell into the kiss with her, hot and hungry, their bodies beginning to grind together.
Sam broke the kiss and spoke up.
“I doubt he could eat pussy like you do anyway.”
Luna kissed Sam’s neck, and then her chest, and then slowly down her belly. Before she raised her head, took on a sly expression, and responded.
“Pfft, who do you think taught him how to do it?”
Sam just looked back shocked and giggling.
Luna demonstrated her skill, Sam returned the favor, and the two fell into a sweaty, happy heap when they were finished, before falling asleep tangled together.
Night, Santiago Residence
The rest of the evening at the Casagrande apartment building had been full of reunions, more catching up, and even more food courtesy of Abuela Rosa. The Casagrandes were happy to host Lincoln and Lily, in particular Lily, a frequent visitor, but Rosa and Hector, the Matriarch and Patriarch of the Casagrandes had both embraced Lincoln with open arms, saying how much they missed him.
Lincoln got something of a slightly cold reception from Carlino Casagrande. Carlino was the second youngest cousin of Bobby and Ronnie Anne, he’d grown up fully embracing the more macho aspects of Latino culture. He was a good young man, even if he felt it was up to him to carry on the traits of being a ‘real man’ compared to his older cousin Bobby, younger brother Carlitos, and older brother CJ. To this end, he carried something of a slight grudge against Lincoln for hurting his cousin Ronnie.
Carlino had grown up with Ronnie since he’d been 7. It was much more fair to say Ronnie was actually like a big sister to him then an ordinary cousin. Since none of the other men in the family would take it upon themselves to protect his older cousin’s feelings, he would! Now at 16, he barely stopped shooting Lincoln dirty looks during dinner.
It didn’t seem as if it would lead to anything violent or explosive, but it was clear he was taking Lincoln’s visit a little skeptically.
But other than that, everything had been fun and warm and inviting. Lily and Lincoln had played with their niece and nephew, Lily had then ran off with Carlitos to catch up with him, and Linc had spent more time with Ronnie Anne.
Really it was hard for them to keep away from one another throughout the night. They sat next to one another at the early dinner in the Santiago home, then again in the Casagrande’s own. When everyone retired to the living room, they had sat next to each other again. Throughout it all the two couldn’t stop sharing private little jokes with each other, laughs, pokes and light touches.
Yet Lincoln also couldn’t take his eyes off of Leni though out the night either.
For her part, Leni was engaged heavily with the rest of the family. The eldest split her attention between the children present, Lincoln, Lori and of course little Lily. But every time Lincoln would glance over at her, she would look right back at him with her pretty seafoam green eyes, and smile. A smile that seemed meant for him, and him alone.
Throughout the night she also snuck several hugs, kisses and light touches of her on him. Nobody seemed to bat an eye at it, but Lincoln wondered if she was trying to capture his attention as well. She often caught him from behind and pulled him right into her strong embrace, placing several kisses on his cheek while doing so. Each time Lincoln found himself enjoying that touch so much. That feeling of safety, warmth, and complete acceptance from his second oldest sister. He returned each and every hug given.
Even Lori though was giving him plenty of her own hugs and kisses too. The eldest of the Louds couldn’t stop picking Lily up, even with her pregnant belly, and giving the 9-year-old kisses, while catching her baby brother in hugs as well and reminding him how much she had missed him, and how much she loved him.
Once more Lincoln was reminded of the irony that he was once so much shorter than both of them. At one time his hugs only came up to their waists, now they only reached his shoulders.
It had led to the culmination of the night.
Lincoln, Leni, and Lily laying together on the big pull-out bed Bobby had moved into the bedroom that would eventually belong to Marco. Lori and Bobby had shared their plans for the eventual sleeping arrangements of their children. Marco and Lina shared a bedroom right now, but eventually they planned to move the coming Lotta in with Lina. Lotta of course would stay in Bobby and Lori’s room for the first few months of her life, before they thought she was old enough to not need to be as close to her mother and father as possible while sleeping.
The room in the meantime was being used as storage for a few boxes and other odds and ends. All of which was pulled off to the side right now of course, to make room for the old beat-up couch/bed that once served as Bobby and Lori’s resting spot for the first year they lived together.
It was just comfy enough, and even with the three of them in bed together, there was still some room to spare.
Leni was dressed in a pair of oversized soft green Pajamas. A little surprising considering Lincoln remembered Leni seemed to prefer night gowns, but maybe she wanted to be a little more modest sharing a bed with him. Regardless she still looked positively radiant in them. It made her appear all the more adorable with how it hung off her body, the sleeves just slightly over her wrists, the legs coming over her feet. Leni had such a youthful air to her, and she looked just like a big kid the way she was dressed, it made Lincoln want to hug her all the more.
Lily had changed into a nightgown, herself, a soft white and lilac that went down to her ankles. It looked almost like a giant oversized t-shirt, and sitting next to Leni, Lincoln could see the unmistakable resemblance between the two. Out of all the smiles of his sisters, Lily and Leni’s resembled each other’s the most, and their hair having the same shade added to the effect. Leni almost looked like a young mother with Lily right next to her, and Lincoln was struck again by how blessed he’d been with his family.
Even though he’d had his share of arguments, fights, and conflicts with his sisters, it was rare for it to linger or carry on. His family supported one another, and it was being with these sisters he had missed so much, that he could drink in how happy he was to be seeing Lori and Leni.
Lincoln had changed into a pair of orange shorts and a white t-shirt. He remembered it had always been Leni who convinced him orange really made his eyes pop and his hair stand out. Orange had become his favorite color because of her, and he liked to wear it around her to remind her.
The three laid together, Leni on the left side of the bed, Lincoln on the right, and Lily in-between them both. Lily was generally a happy and bubbly girl by nature, but Lincoln could tell Lily was positively glowing, this evening had been fantastic for her, the joy she possessed was positively infectious. In between two of her favorite people in the world, having had a full evening of fun while looking forward to more in the days to come.
Lincoln and Leni sat up on their sides, elbows propped up, head in their hands as they regarded Lily. The excited 9-year-old kept looking back and forth between them, talking and giggling, and asking Leni so many questions about the fashion world, what her life in New York was like, how Luan and Bennie were doing, and if she could come out to visit her.
Leni was only too happy to answer her baby sister’s questions, all with a smile and laugh of her own. She gently caressed her little sister’s platinum blonde’s locks, hair so similar to her own as she explained the fashion world was exciting, but also hard work. She said New York was very pretty, and lots of fun, but she sometimes got lonely and missed everyone. She explained how Luan and Bennie were doing good, and performing on stage, and finally how of course Lily could come out to visit her.
Eventually, sleep and exhaustion claimed the child, and Lily curled up with her back against Lincoln’s chest, pulling her big brother’s arm around her waist. Lincoln found it ironic, only a few months ago Lily had done the same for him, in one of the hardest nights of his life.
When Lily was fast asleep, Lincoln and Leni finally regarded each other in the quiet of the night. It was the first time he’d been semi-alone with his big sister since the last time he could remember. She was fixing him with that soft warm smile, the one that broadcast to the world what a sweet and pure person she was. The smile that welcomed anyone, no matter who they were. Leni truly was a beacon of kindness in an uncaring world.
Her smile was even more pure than he remembered, and Lincoln realized it was because she was so happy to see him. So happy to see Lily too, but in this private moment, with Lily asleep, she was sharing that smile with him, and him alone.
When she spoke her voice was soft, quiet as not to disturb Lily’s slumber, but still full of so much happiness, so much energy and love.
“Lincy…I’ve really, really missed you.”
Lincoln felt his heart practically shudder. Leni wasn’t Lucy, she wasn’t a poet who used metaphors and allusions to express herself. She often said it plainly and simply, and Lincoln understood this. He knew the weight of those words being spoken.
He smiled back at her as he spoke softly in return.
“I’ve missed you too Leni. More than I realized. Seeing you again, it’s just made me think, I’ve been a terrible brother lately.”
Leni’s smile turned sad, before she reached over and slipped her delicate fingers over his cheek. Gently, her thumb traced over Lincoln’s cheek bone as she responded.
“No you haven’t Lincy. Don’t say that. You’ve always been nothing but the best brother any of us could ask for. You’ve always been there for each of us. We’re the ones who put so much pressure on you.” She paused, briefly, her cute brow furrowing, soft lips coming together in a small frown, before she added. “It’s not your fault.”
Lincoln looked back at Leni, a little confused, but also reassured. He could tell she meant everything she had just said, from the bottom of her heart. But it was also vague, the pressure on him, things being not his fault? What did she mean by that? Leni was always so much more perceptive than anyone realized. She was trying to tell him something, but it was as if she was speaking to his soul, rather than his mind.
“Leni, I—” Lincoln trailed off, he didn’t know what he wanted to say to her. Or rather he knew what he wanted to say, but he didn’t have the words, it was only emotion he wanted to express. A need to unburden himself, to reassure her, to speak of a love he didn’t know he was capable of, a confusion that rested in his soul. All at once.
Leni seemed to understand all of it, just by looking at him. Before he knew it, his second eldest sister had leaned over, closing the distance between them. It felt so natural the way she drew closer, he knew what was coming, and he didn’t resist it. He embraced it, leaning forward and feeling his sister’s lips, the softest he’d ever felt in his life, press up against his own.
His eyes closed slowly, as did Leni’s, and she held the kiss with him for several long moments. The back of her fingers trailing down his cheek. It wasn’t a completely innocent kiss, it moved past the border of what most would consider appropriate for siblings to share. But it was a sweet one. It was a kiss that expressed the love Leni felt for the boy, and Lincoln returning it spoke of that love he didn’t know he was capable of feeling for her until recently.
When Leni pulled back, her smile was just as reassuring as ever, and she had slipped her fingers up into his soft white hair.
“Lincoln, it’s okay…All of it’s okay. I understand”
She sighed softly, and Lincoln couldn’t help but feel reassured by her. Safe with her. Slowly her smile turned sad.
“You know, don’t you Lincy? You know now.”
Lincoln knew what she meant. He didn’t know how Leni knew about it all, but she did somehow. Just as he understood she knew. He gave a soft, slow nod of his head. His eyes closing as his heart began to feel in slight turmoil.
“Yeah, I do. I know it all now.”
Slowly he opened his eyes again to peer back into the form of the closest thing that was an angel on earth to him. He saw fear creep up on her lips, fear, worry, and a sense of self-loathing. It hurt him to witness that on Leni. It hurt him more than he thought was possible. Of all the people who didn’t deserve to feel like that, it was Leni.
When she spoke once more, it was with such hesitation and fear.
“Do you…. Do you hate me for it?”
Leni asking that question caused a lance of pain to go through his heart. The idea that she could ever be worried about him hating her was an unthinkable concept. It was Lincoln’s turn to reassure his sister now. It was what Lincoln always did, reassure his sisters. But this was not an act of brotherly obligation or guilt on his part. It was an act of love, a need to express he understood, he accepted, and he didn’t feel any negativity towards his sister and her feelings.
Lincoln’s hand came up off of Lily’s waist and now he slipped his fingers into the beautiful angel’s hair.
“No Leni, I could never hate you. I could never hate any of you, but you most of all I couldn’t hate. I’ve always been lucky to have you as my big sister, always.”
Leni’s smile returned, got wider and then he saw her choke back a sudden sniffle. Her whole body shuddered as if a giant weight had suddenly been lifted from her heart. A burden she had been carrying for so many years. Her little brother knowing the truth, and not rejecting her, not being disgusted by her.
She reached over to take his hand, brought it down to her lips, and kissed his knuckles as soft tears ran down her cheeks. She gave a soft laugh, as she continued to whisper quietly.
“I think I totes, knew you’d say that. Because you’re you Lincy, because you’re the best brother in the world. But I didn’t want to be selfish and act that way. I needed to hear that from you, so I knew I wasn’t…wasn’t a monster.”
The idea that one of the sweetest people he genuinely knew could think of herself as a monster absolutely horrified Lincoln. It was his turn to lean forward and press a gentle kiss to Leni’s forehead in reassurance. All that mattered right now, was making sure the Angel continued to smile.
“You’re not a monster Leni. You never hurt me. You were always everything I could want growing up. Even when we went to prom together, I never felt as if there was anything wrong between us.”
Leni smiled again, her cheeks flushing as she remembered one of the most magical nights of her life. Lincoln had only been 13, but it didn’t matter to her. He was handsome, and cute, and still the best boy she had ever known in her life. She looked sheepish as she got caught up in the memory, looking away and blushing even more.
“I did try to…kiss you. I wanted to, really kiss you Lincoln. Like, not in a big sister way, but in a girlfriend way.”
Memories flooded back to Lincoln as well. Friday, the day before the Prom, after school. He had been hanging out in his room, doing…well he didn’t remember honestly. Playing videogames or reading, maybe he had even been getting ready to hang out with Clyde. Everything before the important part of the memory was fuzzy.
It started with Leni knocking at his door, and him telling her to come in. He remembered the knocking being weird, since so often his sisters barged into his room, heedless of his privacy. But Leni had asked quietly, if she could come in. She said she wanted his opinion on something. It was just as normal as so many other times, but when she had entered, well, everything felt a little different.
It started with that new dress. The red one with a very low neckline and a slit up the side. The one that made her look like a real woman, not just his big sister. The one that reminded him of just how beautiful she was. But at the same time, He remembered just how nervous she looked. Just how scared, but eager, excited and happy, like she was anticipating something.
Lincoln felt nervous too for some reason, but never uncomfortable. Never once did he feel afraid, or ashamed. He had told her the truth, that she looked amazing. He remembered how much she blushed.
She had sat down next to him, and brought up kissing. He felt that was a little strange, but she brought up how embarrassed she was. How she’d never kissed anyone before, and here she was about to have her prom, and she was going to graduate soon after. How she was going to go off to college having never been kissed, or having kissed anyone. How she was afraid she’d mess up it up when it was time to do so.
But She knew one person who had experience kissing. She knew he did with Ronnie Anne and some other girls. She wanted him to teach her.
Yes, those memories flashed through his mind, and Lincoln found himself blushing just as much as he looked to his older sister and smiled softly.
“I know, and when I look back on it, I remember how much I liked it.” Lincoln responded, as more of the memories came back.
The feeling of his sister’s arms around up around his shoulders had felt heavenly. The sensation of her lips pressed against his own had been amazing. Just how soft they felt, how warm her body was. His arms around her waist had felt so nice. More, every part of this was better, because he knew he loved her, and he knew she loved him. There was no fear or worry about messing up, of being judged, it was a moment in time where the lines blurred, the lines of their relationship became fuzzy, but he hadn’t minded at all. He remembered how embarrassed she was, how scared, and how he had reassured her with his smile, and told her it was all okay.
They had kissed not just once, not twice, but three times. Each time it lasted a little longer. Each press of their lips lingered further, and became slightly more intimate. Each time she drew back shorter and shorter, and all he could do was look into her beautiful eyes and feel a strange longing. Something telling him this wasn’t normal, but a part of him not wanting to stop. Leni asking him each time if she was doing it right.
Her voice so soft, so husky, and asking him so shyly, if he could show her what a REAL kiss was.
And he had been prepared to do it. So prepared…
Before Lori stepped in, saw them, and had almost dragged Leni out by the hair.
Why was it only now he was remembering all of it? Why was it he didn’t see back then what was plain as day?! He had just written it off as Leni being Leni and went on his life, years without thinking back to that moment until now.
But as he looked back to his sister tonight, he saw her smile turn absolutely adorable as he realized the words he just said had touched her deeply. His admittance that he had enjoyed it, had made her heart swoon.
Lincoln closed his eyes tightly again, as his heart began to hurt once more. Turmoil raging inside of it. Leni, Lynn, Lucy, all three of them. All three of his wonderful sisters. All three who were so beautiful, so loving, so fun, so unique in their own ways.
He hated that he couldn’t make all of them happy. He felt guilt he also carried feelings for Ronnie Anne too. He loved all of them, he really did, and he had given himself to Lucy. Sweet, beautiful, sensitive Lucy. His little dark lover. His sensual and loving Devil.
Yet here he was in bed with an Angel, another sister he loved. The pain tore at him so much, his desire to make all of them happy, to try and be everything to all of them. They deserved it. But he was just one man, one boy, and he was selfish on top of it all. He desired their love, their touch just as much! He wanted to selfishly have them all, and he wanted to run away from all of them. He wanted to be with them and not be with them. Nothing was clear anymore, and the emotional torment was causing him such agony.
Just then he felt Leni’s gentle hand over his cheek once more. It was as if she could read his mind, his emotions as she spoke in a soft reassuring tone.
“Shhh, Lincy. Lincy you need to understand. You totes don’t owe us anything. I love you, and I’m so happy I can say that now and you understand what I really mean. But you need to also know, you don’t owe me, or any of your sisters your romantic love, just because we are your sisters.”
Lincoln felt more guilt fill his heart. He looked up at Leni, mouth open, so ready to say he loved them for more than being his sisters, he loved them because they deserved it for being so wonderful in his life. He loved them because they were women worthy of being loved, who deserved to be loved. Who he was so blessed to love. He felt so conflicted though, what Leni was saying was making him feel confused.
As if sensing this confusion Leni brought her finger up to his lip, and smiled reassuringly again, before she continued.
“Lincy, we’ll talk more about this, I promise. When we’re truly alone. I have so much I want to talk to you about, so much I want to ask you. But first…” She hesitated a little, her smile looking shy again, bashful as she looked at him.
“I know you want to spend time with Ronnie Anne. I see those feelings between you. But, would you let your big sister be a little selfish?” She looked away, her cheeks bright red, her smile worrying, and almost begging. “Would you take her on a date, and just let me pretend for a little while?”
Lincoln’s heart practically broke inside his chest. He looked at his older sister Leni, how vulnerable she was in this moment, how scared, and all he wanted to do was comfort her, make sure she never doubted herself in front of him. He brought his hand to her cheek once more, leaned over and unable to stop himself, kissed her lips tenderly. Leni melted against the kiss, and gave a soft, happy little sigh.
When Lincoln pulled back, he responded.
“Of course Leni, of course. I’d love that.”
And Lincoln meant that, from the bottom of his heart. He really knew he would love every moment spent with his silly, ditzy, creative and absolutely sweet older sister. He knew making her happy, even if just for a moment, would make him happy.
Leni almost teared up as she saw the expression on her younger brother’s face. She didn’t know if she could be happier right now. This conversation she understood had been beneficial for Lincoln, but it had also been so much for her too. She had carried guilt involving her feelings for Lincoln, she had carried guilt for the time she had tried to kiss him years ago. She had carried such a burden for so many years.
But Lincoln had absolved her of that guilt. He had lifted that burden from her. He only reinforced to her why she loved him so much, and shown he was growing into the amazing young man she always knew he would be. And, there was a secret, very quiet part of her that thought…maybe the date between them would be so good, he would consider her, truly consider her for a life together.
But she quickly shushed that inner voice up. It was one thing to have a date with her Lincy and play pretend for an afternoon. It was another to be selfish and add to the burden she could read was written on his heart. Leni didn’t want to add to that burden anymore than she already had.
She gave a happy little sigh, and nodded her head again, smiling so beatifically at him.
“I’m so happy right now Lincoln. The happiest I’ve been in such a long time. Everything right now is totes wonderful.”

She closed her eyes and yawned sleepily, the smile never leaving her lips.
“Let’s go to sleep now Lincy, I can’t wait until tomorrow.”
Lincoln couldn’t help but smile in return watching Leni. There were so many warm and wonderful feelings he had in this moment. He knew talking with Leni later, when they could really open up, would help him. But he also was looking forward to being alone with her and basking in her presence. He leaned forward and kissed her nose before he settled in, giving Lily’s body a gentle squeeze while she slept, whispering back.
“Yeah, I can’t wait either Leni.”
The two drifted off for the time.
Two hours after Lincoln had fallen asleep, he felt someone’s hands on his back, pushing very gently, as a familiar voice whispered to him, “Lincoln, scoot twerp, make some room!”
Lincoln yawned as he was roused from his sleep. Lily having turned completely on her back by now, and wedged a little closer to Leni, who had both arms wrapped around her baby sister. He recognized that voice instantly, it was Lori!
“Lori?” He asked in a sleepy tone. Only to be greeted by a tired feminine sigh and a soft warm laugh.
“Yes, it’s me, now make room, your big sister is carrying a wide load.”
Lincoln even in his sleepy state gave a small snerk to that. He scooted over, as he felt the weight of Lori also climb into the bed with him. Moments later he felt his big sister’s belly press into his back, and her arms wrap around him. She placed a kiss on the top of his head.
“Lori, what gives?” Lincoln asked honestly, only to be greeted by a soft, tired, and slightly embarrassed sigh.
“Bobby was right, okay? I literally missed you all so much, and we can all fit in here together. I just, I just wanted to be with my younger siblings. You guys mean the world to me. I’m happy here with Bobby and our kids, and the Casagrandes…but I don’t know if you all realize just how much I miss you.”
It took Lincoln a moment to really appreciate what Lori must feel. He took himself out of his own shoes, and examined how he felt when it came to his younger sisters. The ones he felt defacto responsible for. If anything, Lori felt that for all of them, and had the longest. She had been there for the birth of each of her siblings, and probably had it impressed upon her she was responsible for all of them.
While Leni may truly have been a friend to Lori growing up, it was clear Leni had relied so much on Lori, and still did. Lori had taken care of all of them, she had acted as a second mother, and while he knew Lori loved them all, it was in this moment he realized just how much she loved them all. Her constant worrying after them, her regular calls, the way she would heart or like the simplest things on their social media.
Lincoln realized Lori was now the head of the family, more so than Mom and Dad were. She took care of them all in her own way. Even living apart, it always felt as if Lori was close. She never let any of her siblings forget she was there for them. All of them.
And Lincoln also realized again, Lori missed them. Lori missed them terribly, even if she called them regularly, texted them, chatted with them. She missed the physical presence of her younger siblings. The first younger people she had to mind after, before her own children.
Lincoln reached his hands up and slipped them over Lori’s arms, comfortingly. He felt Lori squeeze him all the tighter, and nuzzle into his shoulder, breathing in his scent.
“Sometimes I wish we never grew up.”
Lori whispered softly.
Lincoln blinked in surprise, and remained quiet as she went on.
“Sometimes I wish we were all back in the house together, all of us. You’re all my best friends, and I miss it so much at times.”
Lincoln was a little surprised hearing that. He kept his hands on Lori’s arms as he tilted his head back to peer at her in the dark. He knew they were close, they all loved one another. But best friends?
“Really? What about Carol?”
Carol Pingrey was Lori’s best friend as far as Lincoln was aware. The two had known one another since grade school, and had been the maid of honor at each other’s wedding.
“Of course I love Carol silly, but she has her own family too. Her own life, and when you get older Lincoln, when you have your own family, you’ll see that people get busy with their lives. You’ll find the people who still have time for you, are your family. It might be just as dumb as it being because we’re related.”
Lori gave a soft chuckle and continued.
“I’m sure Lisa could explain it. She’d talk genetics and ensuring the survival of our genes.”
Lincoln smirked at that, picturing the young genius pontificating to them about familial structures being about the continuation of genetic heritage. He nodded, in agreement, before adding.
“But she’d also say even knowing that’s the reason, she loves us all anyway.”
Lori nodded and smiled to herself.
“I know, and that’s why you’re my best friends. You’re the people I love most, and I miss you all, everyone of you. I’m so proud of all of you too. I’m proud of everything you’ve all accomplished. You don’t know how much I talk about all of you.”
Lincoln felt a surge of guilt wash over him as he frowned to himself, and looked down. His brow furrowed. He didn’t think he deserved Lori being proud of him. What had he accomplished?
“Lori, come on, I’m going to community college, I haven’t done anything all that great.”
But Lori seemed undeterred. She kissed her younger brother’s cheek and spoke in a reassuring tone.
“Lincoln, you are literally taking care of all your younger sisters. You are being everything an older sibling is supposed to be. Those girls at home adore you, all of them. They all know their big brother would do anything for them. I don’t think you realize how happy they all are about you staying home an extra year. They weren’t ready for you to say goodbye just yet.”
An overwhelming sadness took hold of Lincoln’s heart. A sudden feeling of despair and loneliness setting in. The sudden thought, the awareness of life without his sisters. Of a world where he got up everyday and didn’t see at least one of them. His entire life, all of it, had been surrounded by the women he loved, the girls he felt responsible for, the girls who shaped so much of his life.
He didn’t even notice as the tears slipped down his cheeks, and as one of his hands came over and tenderly touched Lily’s sleeping form.
“I don’t…I don’t want to say goodbye to any of you.” He sniffed, feeling horribly embarrassed about breaking down like this. Yet at the same time, he knew, in front of his biggest sister, it was okay. That’s exactly what she was here for.
Lori squeezed him tightly, both her arms wrapped around the boy she once held in her arms when he was a baby. “I know Lincoln, I know little brother. But that’s part of growing up. We all need to learn to fly on our own. Even your sisters, even you.”
Lincoln’s head hung low as he took in every word Lori said. He knew she was telling all of this to him from a place of Love, but it also made him feel lonely again. Suddenly he was questioning everything he had been feeling months ago. He had wanted to get out of the house so much, he had wanted to go to a real university and live on his own, away from home. Now, now being away from his sisters, away from the people he loved so much, now it made his heart sink.
Yet he slowly nodded his head.
“It just sounds so lonely.”
Lori kissed the top of his head and gave him another loving squeeze.
“You’ll never be alone Lincoln. All of us will be here for you, just a phone call or a text away. You’ll always be welcome in my home, any time you want.” Lori looked up as she held her baby brother gently, a smile on her lips.
“And we’ll always come back together. We’ll always make time for each other again. Who knows what the future holds, but I do know the Louds will never ever truly be apart.”
Those last words whispered by Lori put Lincoln’s heart at ease. There was so much he needed to think about. Everything he thought he knew had been thrown into question. His future stretched before him, unknown, and slightly frightening. But here, in the embrace of three of his sisters, he felt at least for now, everything was going to be okay.
“I love you Lori.”
“I love you too Lincoln.”
He fell asleep shortly afterwards in the embrace of his oldest sister, with his youngest and second oldest right next to him. It was the most blissful and untroubled sleep he had experienced in years.
The Loud House, Earlier that evening.
Lola Loud stood outside of the bedroom door of her older sister Lucy with a small amount of trepidation. She was clad in a white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows to show she meant business, and a pink plaid skirt that went to just below her knees. The trepidation she felt wasn’t any fear she felt from her older sister.
Far from it, Lola was one of the few people in the Loud Home that wasn’t intimidated by Lucy. Indeed, it was quite the opposite, Lucy actually felt more fear towards her princess obsessed little sister then almost anyone else in the house. But that was because Lola was a forceful personality. Lola almost always got what she wanted. Lola knew how to hold a grudge, and Lola always seemed to know how to hurt people the most.
Age had begun to balance out her bratty tendencies just a little, but she knew she was still making up from being an absolute terror sometimes as a child. She didn’t actually want her siblings to fear her, but she did want it known she was to be respected. No, what Lola feared right now, was how Lucy was going to take the topic Lola planned to discuss with her. What she planned to say was going to come from a place of love, but it was going to be a place of Tough Love. The type of love so many of her other sisters were unwilling to give.
It was just one more responsibility Lola placed on herself for the sake of her family. Someone had to be the bad guy, someone had to tell the truth when it was hurtful. She didn’t go out of her way to be cruel anymore, like when she was a completely immature child, but she also knew sometimes you had to bring up hurtful things to help someone avoid even more hurtful things later. You had to be cruel to be kind sometimes.
Whether it was a completely unflattering set of clothes, an idea that would make someone the subject of ridicule, or pointing out when someone she loved was completely terrible at an activity, Lola was there to remind her siblings to focus on their strengths, and face up to the facts they didn’t want to see.
It was somewhat peculiar to Lola, that it was Lisa of all people who seemed to appreciate this sentiment the most. But then, Lola and Lisa both approached the world from a completely rational viewpoint. It was why Lisa had agreed so much with Lola’s plan to get Lincoln out of the house. They wanted what was best for their beloved big brother, even if they knew they would both miss him terribly.
It just seemed one sister was making this decision far harder than it should be. Which was why Lola needed to talk to her.
Well, time to rip the band-aid off and get to it, Lola mused to herself before she brought her hand up and knocked on the door.
A few moments later the monotone voice of her older sister responded.
“Enter.”
Lola rolled her eyes, before she stepped into the room which still held two beds, even though Lynn had moved out a year ago. Lola regarded her gothic older sister.
Lucy was clad in a long flowing black dress, with red trimmed highlights at the puffy sleeves that ended at her shoulders, a trim that encircled her knees, and one that ended at the bottom of the dress where her feet were.
She was laying tummy down on her bed, her striped black and white socked feet up in the air behind her. In front of her was her laptop. If she was surprised to see Lola, her expression betrayed none of it.
“Lola.”
She said simply, a greeting and a statement all in one.
Lucy and Lola had never been the closest of sisters growing up. Lola did love Lucy, she really honestly did, and Lucy also loved her younger pink clad sibling. But it was just, they were just so different and yet similar to one another. They were two sides of the same coin.
Lola was everything Lucy wasn’t, Lucy was everything Lola wasn’t, and yet, they were exactly the same. Both were incredibly passionate, charismatic leaders within their own circle of friends. Both dominated the field they had set their interests in.
Yet, Lola was the pretty, pink clad, popular girl. Everyone wanted to please Lola, they treated her like Royalty, and she reveled in her power.
But at the same time, much could be said of Lucy. Boys threw themselves at the sexy goth’s feet.
They were like opposing Goddesses representing Light and Dark, Day and Night.
Inscrutable commanding goddesses who were necessary towards a certain balance in reality.
After a few moments, Lola closed the door behind her, moved over towards Lynn’s bed, and sat down gracefully, folding her hands in her lap while she regarded her older sister.
“Hello Lucy, I’m sorry to interrupt, what ever it was you were doing. Something involving vampires or corpses, I’m sure.”
Lucy closed her laptop. Hiding the Princess Pony cartoon movie she’d actually been watching. Turning to sit up, and look back towards her pink clad sister, her bangs hiding her eyes as always, as she responded in her flat tone.
“Of course. I can always return to it later, what is it that brings you to my abode Lola.”
Lola looked towards the door, and then back towards her older sister again. Once more she felt that slight trepidation as she thought about the topic she needed to discuss with Lucy. Rip the band-aid off, she told herself again and again. Just rip the band-aid off, get it over with.
Lola put on a straightforward expression and just spoke.
“It’s about you and Lincoln.”
For a moment, she saw the slightest change in expression grace Lucy’s lips. Her typically placid expression shifted into a downward frown, Lola detected a hint of sadness, fear, or was it discomfort? It was hard to say, but it was clear this topic was not one Lucy wanted to discuss.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Lola.” Lucy attempted to deflect.
Lola sighed, brought her hand up to her forehead, and continued to speak plainly.
“Yes, you do. You know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m just going to say it. What ever this is with you and Lincoln, you need to stop it. It’s not healthy.”
More of Lucy’s stone wall began to crack. The tall goth girl folded her arms up over her bust and looked away. She was being guarded, she didn’t like where this was going.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Lola. I’m just giving Lincoln the love, affection and companionship he needs from us.”
Lola frowned to herself. This was a complicated topic, and part of her felt a little guilty in that moment. There was an unspoken accusation in Lucy’s words. She was arguing Lola hadn’t been there for Lincoln, hadn’t loved him enough. But Lola knew she loved her brother.
She positively adored him. Every man in her life would be measured against Lincoln Loud. The boy who’d always been there for her, and took care of her. Helped her, and also stood up to her when it was needed.
Lola did not like that insinuation, but she told herself to keep her cool. She knew Lucy was strongly attached to Lincoln because of her own issues. Lucy always felt like the outcast, and Lola knew it was Lincoln who always made her feel accepted at home.
She did her best to choose her next words carefully.
“When Lincoln came home that night. When that bitch broke his heart, it was the worst any of us had ever seen him. I was terrified he was going to do something stupid. But you stepped up Lucy, you stepped up for all of us and took charge of taking care of him. I admired you for that.”
Lucy looked taken aback, surprised by those words coming from Lola’s mouth. Lola so rarely gave out praise. She wasn’t one for empty platitudes with the people she loved. She could charm when she wanted to, but when she spoke like this, she wasn’t acting the part of the people’s princess. She was being the real Lola Loud, and she meant every word she said.
Lucy looked hesitant, before she turned and looked back at her younger sister.
“Then let me keep taking care of him. I’m making him happy Lola. He’s so lonely right now. I’m making sure he never has reason to cry like that again.”
Those words struck Lola deeply, and they hurt to hear. They hurt so much to hear because she could tell Lucy honestly meant what she was saying. Lucy believed every word she’d just said. It hurt Lola, because she knew she was going to have to say more cruel things to wake her sister up. She was going to have to share more ugly truths.
“No, you’re not Lucy. You’re not helping him. You’re making things worse. You’re hurting him.”
Lucy looked absolutely speechless. Her mouth hung open, horror and disbelief written on her features. Hurt Lincoln!? She could never do that?! How could she be hurting her beloved?! She wanted to refuse to believe it, she wouldn’t believe it. She shook her head back and forth.
“How can you say that, Lola? How can you say that? I’ve been taking care of him, I’ve been spending time with him, I’ve been—”
“You’ve been preventing him from moving on!”
Lola had interrupted.
The blonde’s face took on a grimmer expression. Lucy actually shrank back, cowed by her younger sister as Lola went on to lecture.
“All you’ve done is have him transfer those feelings from Melanie to yourself! You didn’t let him fully get over her, you took advantage of the situation and started dragging him with you everywhere you went! You monopolized all of his free time! He never had a chance to deal with being alone, because you were right there to fill in! Now he’s practically co-dependent on you!”
Lucy continued to shrink back ever so slightly from Lola’s onslaught. Lucy was taller than Lola, older than her, and yet she felt so much smaller in front of the more popular girl. So much smaller in front of the extroverted and more confident sister.
“I never…I never forced him to spend time with me. I always asked…” Lucy tried to reason, hurt in her voice. But Lola was not letting up. She was going to keep ripping that bandage off, she was going to make Lucy confront all of it.
“You know how Lincoln is! You know he’d do anything for us! You took advantage of that Lucy! For your own reasons, you decided to play girlfriend with your big brother!”
Lucy winced again, Lola had no idea how close to the truth she was, but now Lucy was being forced to confront several things about her relationship with Lincoln. Lola was making her see that ugly truth now. Was Lola right? Did she take advantage of her brother? Well yes, she did. She knew she did. But it was all for love, wasn’t it? She had only done those things because she wanted to protect him, make him happy. Be the girl he knew he could always count on, who would always love him and make him happy? That justified it, didn’t it?
So why were Lola’s words making her suddenly feel terrible? Why did they make her feel guilt, and start to hate herself?
Lucy offered up the only feeble defense she could.
“You, would do the same, if you were me. If nobody else at home understood you like he did. You’re just, jealous of our bond.”
Lola actually calmed herself down once more. She saw how much this was hurting Lucy, and as much as she thought it was necessary, she also had to be careful she didn’t go too far when it came to these things. She knew how lonely Lucy was, and it hurt her to see it.
Lola stood up and moved to sit down next to Lucy. Lucy shrank back slightly, clearly hurting, trying to hold back her emotions. When Lola spoke again it was in a softer tone.
“I understand more than you think Lucy. You don’t think I don’t love him too? He put up with a bratty little sister like me, and he did it with a smile.” Lola looked off, a slightly guilty look on her lips. “Most of the time.”
Before she took a deep breath and went on, “More important than all the Pageant coaching and help he gave me, you know what I value most from him?”
Lucy looked over towards her younger sister, wiping at her cheeks, but looking curious all the same.
“When he taught me how to read Lucy. He was the first one to notice my dyslexia, and he went out of his way to help me read when I thought I couldn’t. Reading is the greatest gift anyone ever gave me, and Lincoln is the one who gave it to me.”
Lola slowly stood up, and started to move away from Lucy, and towards the door, stopping and turning to face her.
“We’re the ones holding him back Lucy. We’re the ones preventing him from growing and reaching his true potential. Because anytime one of us falls down, he runs back to help us up. He’s going to keep doing that, if we don’t start helping each other up more, and let him run his own race.”
Lola opened the door, and looked back towards Lucy. The girl looked absolutely miserable. She’d pulled her knees up to her chest, and wrapped both of her arms around them.
Lola looked back, feeling her own heart hurt. She didn’t like hurting her siblings. Playfully annoying them yes, but she didn’t actually enjoy making them cry.
“I love you, Lucy. I know it doesn’t seem that way all the time, but I do. Lincoln isn’t your only sibling, we’re all here for you, and we all love you.”
Lola stepped out and closed the door behind her. She felt like garbage right now, she hoped Lucy would take her words to heart though. She wanted to see Lucy succeed on her own, and she wanted Lincoln to do so as well. But right now, she needed cheering up, and the best way to do that would be to hang out with her twin.
Right now, even hearing Lana carry on about racecars, furnaces, or carpentry would cheer her up.
As for Lucy, she was left with so many questions. She feared just how much Lola might actually know. She feared Lincoln going away from her, the way Lola talked about Lincoln needing to run his own race. But most of all she feared she had been a terrible girlfriend. That she truly hadn’t taken Lincoln’s best interests into her mind when she pursued him. She feared she had hurt him, and been not only a bad girlfriend, but a bad little sister too.
She worried if what they had was built on a lie, and if he would slip between her fingers. Most of all, she feared he would hate her if he realized how she had taken advantage of him. She slowly rocked herself in bed as she cried her eyes out.
As she placed her hands over her pretty blue eyes and sobbed softly.
“Oh Lincoln, Lincoln I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I love you. I love you.” She whispered to herself.
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The Shadow of his Heart