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Total Drama Universal Restraints Inn	By : Flashlight & Zetastrophe-Now Category: +S through Z > Total Drama Island Views: 14143 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based parody. Total Drama and it's characters are copyrighted property of Teletoon, Fresh TV, Tom McGillis, and Jennifer Pertsch. Please support the official release.

Chapter List
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On the seventh day, Ira was working at his desk. While Ira was at work, a crowbar mysteriously floated behind him. The crowbar rose, getting ready to knock Ira out. Soon... Clank! The crowbar swung against Ira's head and left him out cold.
The crowbar was later revealed to be held by a hand, followed by an arm. Eventually, the crowbar's wielder, Mal, was revealed. Mal let out an evil laugh and looked down at Ira. “Foolish Ira... When will you learn? Wizardry triumphs over science...” Mal reached to his left, getting ready to cast a spell. “Teleportare!” A portal opened up next to Mal. Mal tossed Ira into the portal, causing it to close.
Mal sat down at Ira's desk, ready for takeover. Mal cleared his throat and began to make an announcement. “Greetings, fools. The name's Mal. I'll have you all know that I have returned. With your 'precious' Ira Spooner out of the way, I will take over this building, even if it means taking it by force.”
At the Daemon Wing, Jo decided to tease Mal. “Oh yeah?! You and what army?!”
Mal chuckled. “Cute... You'll see in due time.” Mal turned off the PA system. Mal examined Trina's diary, looking for the right spell to cast. “Ah...” Mal raised his right hand into the air and let out a dark pulse. “Surge, militia mortuum!”
Dark portals opened up from the floor of the penthouse. Skeletons armed with swords and shields rose from the portals. The army of skeletons slowly marched out of the penthouse; the onslaught has begun.
Yui was filing her nails when she heard the zombielike moans of the skeletons. “Oh, crud...” Yui sounded the alarm, warning everyone at the inn about Mal's Army of the Undead. “Intruder alert! There's an army of skeletons at the penthouse! Take all guests to safety and combat the threat!” Yui equipped her whip and prepared herself for combat. “Time to take these bony freaks down...”
Meanwhile, at the Inn's courtyard, Dawn decided to take action against the evil wizardry of Mal. Using telekinesis, Dawn freed herself from her petsuit. The naked Dawn then looked around the courtyard, looking for someone to assist her. There's gotta be someone who can help me. Dawn looked at each staff member, but she couldn't find a will to assist within them. Eventually, she managed to find Ella. There! Dawn ran to Ella, ready to seek her help. “Ella, I need your help.”
“How may I help you, Dawnie?”
“Listen, Mal unleashed an army of skeletons onto the Inn. I fear they may turn people into zombies.”
“Oh my... That sounds terrifying.”
“I need to find Ira. He somehow couldn't be found anywhere on Inn grounds.”
“No need to worry, Dawn.” Ella patted Dawn's head. “Mother nature always knows where her children are. She'll be glad to help you find Magnum Master.” Ella cleared her throat and began to sing. Ella's pitch rose until a pair of peregrine falcons swooped in and carried Dawn into the sky. “Good luck on your journey, Dawn!”
Meanwhile, within Mike's mind (however that gets filmed), Mike stooped on a rock, sighing over the sense of hopelessness. Suddenly, Mike heard a voice... the voice of an old man.
“Back in my days, we would take prostitutes to the gallows and hang them!”
“Chester?” Mike asked.
“Don't be ridiculous, Chester,” a deep female voice said. “Zis is not town of Salem.”
“Svetlana?”
“I hear Anne Maria is in trouble, guys.”
“Vito?”
“Forget your girl, mate. We got an entire palace full of people to save.”
“And Manitoba, too?”
Mike's personalities approached him one-by-one. Chester was an older version of “Mike” with a Popeye look on his face. Svetlana was a female version of Mike with red lipstick. Vito was a tougher version of Mike with a sharktooth necklace around his neck. Finally, Manitoba Smith was an Australian version of Mike with a fedora on his head.
“I thought you guys were gone?” Mike stood up.
“Yeah, about that. The same curse that brought Mal back to life brought us back.” Vito replied.
“Zis is vierd if you ask me.”
“Right... Quick! We must find the reset button before it's too late!”
Suddenly, Mal's shadow was cast over Mike and his personalities. In Mike's mind, Mal appeared in King Sombra's form “Oh, you mean this button?” Mal held the reset button by it's cut wires.
“Mal?! How did you--”
“Tsk tsk tsk. Oh, Mike. Let me tell you a little proverb... Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.”
“That means we got no choice...” Vito cracked his knuckles. “You're going down, Demonbreath!”
“Zere will be no medals for you, Mal.” Svetlana got into starting position
“We'll wrangle you up real good you wily dingo!” Manitoba spun his lasso.
“You get off our brain you rotten hooligan!” Chester shook his fist in the air.
Mal's eyes glowed in a demonic green color as he prepared to attack his fellow personalities. “Very well...” Mal spawned green flames from his hands. “If that's how you'll play, then so be it...”
While Mike and his personalities began to fight Mal from within, Dawn kept an eye out for Ira. Things seemed bleak as Dawn searched the lake, but luck came her way. “There!” Dawn pointed at a tree to her left. “I sense a faint aura signal coming from the lakeside.”
The falcons flew down and dropped Dawn off. Dawn approached the faint aura, which grew stronger and stronger. Soon, Dawn managed to find Ira, who was regaining consciousness as she sat underneath a tree.
“What happened?” Ira asked.
“I got bad news, Ira.” Dawn helped Ira up. “Mal has unleashed an army of undead soldiers onto your inn. If we don't hurry, Mal might turn everyone into zombies.”
“Damn... Looks like we'll have to take it up with the big man himself. The first thing we need to do is to grab a cure for zombification. It just so happens that there's a zombie nut out there who knows what makes zombies tick.”
“Well, we'll have to find this zombie nut you speak of and have him work alongside your staff.”
“Agreed.”
Dawn and Ira ran off. Thirty minutes later, Dawn and Ira arrived at the zombie nut's house. The house was surrounded by a laser grid, much to Ira's annoyance. “Really?” Ira facepalmed. “Looks like we'll have to maneuver our way past the security system if we wanna get to the door.”
Dawn sighed. “Oh boy...”
Dawn and Ira maneuvered past the lasers like a pair of secret agents on a mission. The duo went over, under, and through the dim red lasers of the zombie nut's security system as they approached the front door. Ira knocked on the front door, waiting for the zombie nut to answer it.
“Um... hello?”
Ira plugged his nose after sniffing the zombie nut's odor. “Whoa! What is that stench?”
“Well, if you want the zombies to think you're one of them, you gotta smell like a zombie.”
“Listen, Shawn.” Ira cleared his throat. “I have no idea what drugs you're addicted to, but this is important. There are zombies at Universal Restraints Inn, and I must get an antidote for zombification. Do you have anything in store?”
“Well, I have just the thing for that. Come inside.”
Shawn let Ira and Dawn enter his house. Shawn took the duo to an alchemy lab, where the cure for zombification resides. Shawn picked up a flask, which contained a strange potion. “This concoction should turn any zombie back into a human being. I mixed some weakness potion with some golden apples to create this concoction.”
“Weakness potion?” Ira scratched his head.
“Yep!” Shawn nodded. “I made that out of water, sugar, edible mushrooms, and dead spiders.”
“Umm... Okay then...”
Dawn interrupted the conversation between the two men. “What if Mal manages to catch you?”
“Yeah, that ain't gonna happen.” Ira took off his right shoe, revealing a Yin tattoo on his right ankle. “See this?”
“What? The tattoo?” A confused Dawn looked at Ira's tattoo.”
“Oh, it's not just any tattoo. This tattoo holds a special power that can transform my body into that of another person. Allow me to introduce you to a little friend of mine: Lyra Sommers.” Ira rubbed the tattoo, and before Dawn and Shawn's eyes, Ira began to change. In a senshi-style transformation, Ira's body grew leaner and assumed a more curvy shape. Ira grew two inches shorter during his transformation. Finally, Ira, head changed to that of a woman with dark hair. Ira became the woman known as Lyra Sommers.
“Um... How was that possible?” Shawn asked.
“Ira had a little run-in with a goddess named Emerald during a vacation to China. Emerald wore a mittened bondage suit for some reason. After a little tussle, Emerald cursed Ira with a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde spell that brought me to life.”
“Wow...” Dawn was amazed by Ira's transformation into Lyra.
“Ira told me that we should get to Universal Restraints Inn. Shawn, I'll need to borrow your car.”
“Okay then.”
Dawn, Shawn, and Lyra left Shawn's house. The journey back to the inn was not long, presumably because Dawn and Ira/Lyra went to Shawn's house on foot. When the trio arrived at the inn, they noticed something... different.
“This can't be good...” Lyra stared at a dark cloud in the sky created by none other than Mal's dark magic. The dark cloud twirled in the air as if it was a vortex floating in mid-air.
“Lyra, you and I shall take Mal together. Shawn, restore the health of any and all zombified guests and staff members with your antidote.”
“Got it.” Shawn equipped himself with a container of antidote on his back and twin spray nozzles in his hands.
Dawn, Shawn, and Lyra entered the inn, ready to take on the ghoulish creatures within.
Meanwhile, Mal watched the screens of the security system with an evil smile on his face. “Yes... Soon, this palace will be mine and then, the world.” Mal put his hand into a bowl of popcorn and scooped a few puffed kernels. Mal tossed the kernels into his mouth and chewed on kernels before swallowing them.
As for Mike and his personalities, there was no popcorn to enjoy; there was only one Mal to deal with.
“Zis is getting bad, Mike.” Svetlana did a vault jump and went for a kick against Mal, only for Mal to reflect it with a force field.
“I know, right? We've been at it for thirty-five minutes!” Mike caught Svetland in his arms.
“Let me tell you this, Mike.” Manitoba twirled a large, spiky flail like a lasso. “It takes a lot of determination to hold out for that long, especially when battling this slippery eel.” Mal threw the flail at Mal, but his attack only managed to scrape the skin of his elbow.
“Fools! Give it up before you bore me!” Mal fired an energy wave at Mike and his personalities, who jumped out of its way.
“Back in my day, only pussies gave up!” Chester yelled, shaking his fist into the air.
“You tell him, Chester!” Vito cracked his knuckles.
“I guess I'll have to make your deaths short and painful.” Mal's hair turned into a demonic, green flame.
In the real world, however, Mal's hair didn't change. Mal heard a knock on the door just as he was enjoying his buttery popcorn. “Ah, who could that be?” Mal answered the security room door, only to find Lyra. “Well, hello there, babe.”
“Hey there, big boy.” Lyra winked at Mal.
“Well, I do look like I'm six-foot-seven whenever Mike has his hair up. Let's cut to the chase; how about you and me have some 'private time?'”
“Sure thing, honey.”
Mal took Lyra into a private area; more specifically Ira's penthouse. There, things began to heat up. “Allow me.” Mal took off Lyra's Hefner-esque bathrobe for her.
“Wow... You sure know how to play this game, Mal.”
“Why, thank you, dear.” Mal unhooked Lyra's bra and let it fall off. “Now, how about I show you my six-pack?”
“I certainly love strong, handsome men.”
Mal took off his shirt, revealing a six-pack of abs. Despite being relatively thin, Mal's body was well-built. Mal took Lyra's hand and sat her on his lap. After pulling down his pants, Mal began to engage in sexual conduct with Lyra.
“You have a nice body, Mal.” Lyra ground against Mal's underwear-clad erection.
“Thanks.”
As Lyra performed a lap-dance for Mal, Dawn prepared to take Mal from within. There's gotta be a good opening within Mike's mind. Dawn searched within Mike's mind. Soon, Dawn managed to find the opening she needed. Mike? Can you hear me?
Within Mike's mind, Mike knelt on the ground, ready to take a break. Mike heard a resonating voice calling his name.
“Hey Mike. Who's the shelia that's calling your name?”
“That's Dawn, Manitoba.” Mike looked up. “I can hear you, Dawn. What do you want?”
How are things going over there, Mike?
“Not good. Mal nearly had us licked.”
Look, Mike. By the looks of things, you and your personalities seem to be attacking Mal separately. That is not gonna work against him, especially with the dark magic he possesses. What you guys have to do is work together, literally.
“I hear you, Dawn.” Mike then turned his head back down, ready to communicate with each personality. “Chester. Svetlana.Vito. Manitoba. Dawn has spoke with me. There is a reason why our attacks are useless against Mal. Dawn says that we should attack him together rather than individually. You guys up for it?”
“Yep.” Chester, Manitoba, and Vito said in unison.
“Okay zen. Let's get ready to do zis. Ve'll show zat creep real superpower of teamvork!”
In the real world, Mal suddenly got a headache after cumming into Lyra's pussy. “Ugh..! What is this teamwork talk in my head?”
“He's onto us, Lyra!”
In an attempt to buy Dawn and Mike some time, Lyra punched Mal in the face and jumped off his body.
“Ugh! What are you doing, bitch?!”
“Oh, I'm no ordinary bitch, Mal. I'm really the genderbent counterpart of Ira Spooner. Observe...” Lyra rubbed her Yang tattoo; however, nothing happened. “Wha..?” Lyra rubbed the tattoo again, yet it was still bust.
“So, you're Ira Spooner, huh? You have some nerve coming back here.”
“Well, I guess I have to take you on in this feminine body.” Lyra got into battle stance.
Mal chuckled. “So, if that's your death-wish, then so be it. I won't hold back, especially not after knowing what you're capable of.” Mal summoned a fireball from his right hand and shot it at Lyra.
“Crud!” Lyra dodged Mal's first attack.
“Lyra! Keep Mal busy! I'll keep an eye on Mike's mind; after all, it is Mal's weakness.”
“Right!” After hearing Dawn's plans Lyra charged at Mal and jumped in the air, kicking Mal in the face.
Mal slid back and wiped his face with his hand before using a whip of fire against Lyra. The whip coiled around Lyra. “You spin me right round, baby.” Using the whip, Mal spun Lyra like a Beyblade top. Mal approached the spinning Lyra and extended his arm, causing Lyra to receive multiple slaps to the face as it smacked into Mal's hand. Mal stopped Lyra from spinning with his left foot and delivered one more slap, knocking Lyra to the ground.
“It seems that I found your weakness Ira: Your dark-skinned girlfriend.” Mal chuckled.
“You won't get away with this, Mal.” Lyra swept her leg under Mal's feet, causing Mal to fall.
As for Mike, it seems that Mike and his personalities are getting better at fighting against Mal; however, things still proved to be fruitless. “Dammit!” Mike yelled.. “Mal still isn't phased!”
“You said it, mate, but that doesn't mean we lost all hope. Mal seems to be getting weaker from the battle in the outside world.”
“You looney loofah! If his body is getting weaker, that means we're getting weaker in here!”
“Dammit, Chester!” Vito facepalmed. “I hate it when you're right!”
“There's gotta be some way we could get rid of Mal!” Mike then heard Dawn's voice again. “Dawn, I'm still stuck between a rock and a hard place here! What should I do?”
I should have been more specific when I said you guys should work together. Regular attacks are useless. You guys need to open your hearts.
“Oh... I get it now.” Mike then faced Mal from within. “Mal, your time has come to an end.”
“Really? Hah! What are you gonna do about it, lamewad?”
A white aura glowed around Mike's body. From his heart, Mike formed a rod with a golden crescent on it: Sailor Moon's Moon Stick. Mike aimed the Moon Stick at Mal and allowed the stick to charge up an energy attack.
“Well, if that's how you'll play it... then so be it!” Mal shot a dark energy wave at Mike; however, the wave of energy didn't hit Mike, for the Moon Stick shielded Mike with a force field powered by the Silver Crystal. “What's this?”
“This is the power of my heart, Mal... Nothing can stop it... Especially with my friends by my side...”
“You tell him, Mikey!” Chester put his hand on Mike's.
“Zat's the spirit, honey.” Svetlana joined Chester and Mike in the battle against Mal.
“If Anne Maria isn't safe, then I'll be upset.” Vito teamed up with Mike and his personalities.
“It doesn't matter who's at risk, mate.” Manitoba joined the rest. “With Mal on the loose, nobody's safe.”
“Mal... This is for Ira, Dawn, all the hotel guests and staff members, and most important of all, Zoey.”
Soon, Mike and his personalities put all of their power into the Moon Stick.
“Chester power!”
“Svetlana power!”
“Vito power!”
“Manitoba power!”
“Moon crystal power!” With the help of his personalities, Mike fired a pink orb of energy at Mal.
“What's this?” Mal tried all he could to stop the attack; however, his dark magic could not stop the power of Mike's heart. “But that's impossible! I had Trina Riffin's power in my hands!”
“Well, consider this her weakness, Mal.”
In the real world, Mal had an injured Lyra cornered. “Before you die, Lyra, allow me to show you a little transformation.” Mal spread his arms out. His body and voice slowly morphed into that of the Dark Deity herself: Trina Riffin. “With the power of Trina Riffin in my hands, I will become the king of this ball of rock. Better yet, I could rid this world of every man and make every woman my whores.” Soon, Mal's transformation was completed. “And with you out of the picture, there is nothing that can stand in my way!” After that final yell, Trina, or the illusion of her, felt herself stop. “Wha..?” The illusion of Trina gradually dissolved before Lyra's eyes. “Noo!!!”
Once the illusion dissolved, not only did Mike and his body return, but Mal's soul left Mike's body as well.
“W-wow...” Lyra said. “Talk about an exorcism...”
“Lyra!” Dawn ran to Lyra's aid. “Are you okay?”
“Well... I could use some rest.”
“I'll take care of Mike.” Dawn picked Lyra up. “You might need to spend some time at an infirmary or something.” Dawn walked out of the penthouse, ignoring the sound of skeletons self-destructing. She gave Lyra to a nearby nurse. “Take good care of her.” Dawn looked downstairs and saw Jessica, Zoey, and Shawn at the lobby. “Oh, hello there. Are you guys okay.”
“I am...” Jessica looked at Zoey. “I don't think Zoey is...”
“Will Mike be okay, Dawn?” Zoey asked.
“Meh.” Dawn gave Zoey a so-so signal. “I'll need to help him out after this mess.”
“I think Zoey may need some time out of this place after what happened. Does a day at the beach sound good to you?”
“That could work.” Dawn nodded.
“Thank you, dear.”
“Well, I gotta get a few more nurses taken care of, then I'll be on my way.” Shawn went back into the Angel Wing along with Jessica and Zoey. Dawn, however, had some unfinished business. She went downstairs. As soon as she saw Yui exit the Daemon Wing, Dawn approached Yui. “Consider tomorrow a day at the beach for the Total Drama girls and Jessica Lorenzo. They will need a break after this incident.”
“Well, I'd might as well, Dawn.”
Dawn smiled and went back upstairs. With Mal defeated, the inn was officially safe once more.

Author's Note: Of all the R&R chapters (Chapters 17-30), I had this chapter in my mind for the longest period of time. This chapter had many unused moments due to plan changes, discoveries, and my wish to focus the chapter's plotline completely on Dawn, Ira, Mal, Mike, and Mike's personalities for consistency reasons. Originally, I was gonna have Ella defend herself by singing "I'm Giving it All" by Grojband (from the episode "Here Us, Ruck! Part 2"), which was a reference to Snow White singing a portion of some Aerosmith (don't know for certain) song to command a flock of birds to attack enemy knights in Shrek 2. Also, originally, Ira was gonna take Mal on himself until I discovered an archived forum thread revealing Lyra. The last prototype element I had in mind was the inclusion of the Mangle from Five Night's at Freddy's 2. An element that I didn't incorporate for consistency reasons was pretty crazy: Zeta thought about Blaineley's diaper and onesie showing capability of defending Blaineley from the onslaught of armed skeletons.
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Total Drama Universal Restraints Inn