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No Particular Reference
By : LeavesofMyself
Category: Transformers > G1
Views: 2509 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: See full disclaimer in Chapter 1
Chapter List
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LeavesofMyself: Alright everyone. Here's a new little something that hit me spur of the moment. I know that it isn't the continuation of "Mockery" like some of you wanted. Unfortunately, I'm having unexpected difficulty of portraying both sides of the encounter without it being overwhelmingly cliche. I do plan to do a sequel (and at some point, this chapter was going to be the sort of prelude to it) but it might take some time to get back into the right mindset. So, please be patient.
Chapter Warning(s): Angst
Chapter Rating: PG

~*~ When friendship disappears then there is a space left open

To that awful loneliness of the outside world

Which is like the cold space between the planets.

It is an air in which men perish utterly. –Hilaire Belloc ~*~

(Starscream's POV)
I can bare many things, and many things I have been forced to bare.
I have felt the scorn of the enemy; the overwhelming sense of failure. I felt it when you disappeared. Such shame I brought upon the science academy, upon my people, upon you. Accusations were thrown and I bore them with as much vigilance as I could muster, yet, buried beneath the spite and venom, grief gripped me and misery showed me blackness. You had been everything to me, my world and my spark but you left, left me alone and broken on some bitter world with not but my memories. Even when everything crashed and burned and I became nothing more than the mockery of everything I once believed in, everything I be-held in high esteem…
I bore it; that, I could handle.
I have felt the ageless weight of guilt and agony. Rumors flew and soon, my processor began to believe the words freely. It had been my fault. Was my fault. Always my fault. So I drowned myself in high grade and projects. Anything and everything to forget. Yet, hushed whispers are not so hushed and the heat of their glares had scorched my frame. I became a hollow essence, am still hollow… I became ugly then.
But it was something I could bare, something I could handle.
I know humiliation. I breathe it, lived it for so many vorns that it has become my most hated enemy, and my most trusted ally. I have been forced to my knees, made to beg and grovel for restoration, for preservation. I have been the martyr for impatience, incompetence… I have been the beaten, the abused. I have shamed and been shamed. I know humiliation. I know of tempered words spewed in a moment of frail powerlessness and I have heard malice barks of the dogs of war. I have bemoaned injustice and shrieked for vengeance. I was belittled and used. I am nothing, was nothing… will always be nothing.
I can bare this sovereign truth; this is something I can handle.
I know the depth of blackness, of pure wickedness. These servos, once tools for the greater good, have become weapons of total annihilation. Innocence stains these servos. The cries of the unjust, of the dead and the breathing caress my audios in a never ending chorus of my sins. Such sins are they. I played the strings, pulled and strummed to my satisfaction, grasped barbs and picked through a melody of sufferance. I was master and manipulator, puppet and puppeteer. I commanded the grandness of wailing, composed a song of misery and wrote the book on pain. I have used to my spark's content, defiled sanctuary's and destroyed a moment of peace. I was fear and death, despair and morality.
I am guilty of all of this and yet, my spark can bare this burden. I can handle this darkness.
I am unworthy. Forgotten. Unwanted… I know what it is liked to be held at distance, to gaze through a window and see nothing. Always look but can never touch. I often see the smiling faces; hear the sweetness of candied laughter… But my lips never turn upwards and my vocalizer only knows an ugly tune. I belong to no one, and no one wishes it to be. I have no love, no passionate moments of true ecstasy… There will never be any. I am no friend. Nothing to everyone and everything to no one. I breathe and waste air, speak and exhaust time… Wish, only to decay hope.
Yet, I can bare this… I can handle this.
I lost you.
You stood before me in a moment of uncertainty, claimed I had lost myself (but I never was). Moments ticked and in the end, I could not be what you wanted me to be. So you left, turned and walked away. You threw me away… But it was my fault. Always my fault. I pushed you… shouldn't have pushed you. I didn't mean to upset you, but I did so anyway and I had to pay the consequence. You do not speak to me, you do not see me. I am invisible…
I cannot bare this…
I do not want to.

LeavesofMyself: Thank you for everyone who read. I hope you enjoyed. Till next time!
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No Particular Reference	By : LeavesofMyself Category: Transformers > G1 Views: 2509 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: See full disclaimer in Chapter 1

No Particular Reference