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The Shadow of his Heart	By : Catspeaker Category: +G through L > The Loud House Views: 12692 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own The Loud House, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 19
- 20
- 21
Cats Corner: Hey everyone! It's been almost a full month since the last chapter! I apologize! I wrote a chapter of my other story, got busy with work and then also wrote a prototype chapter for a potential other story with a friend of mine. That and this chapter was difficult to write!
Very difficult. I stopped and restarted it more than a handful of times to make sure everything in it came out just right. Exactly how I wanted it too. I'm finally satisfied with it, and now hopefully this is done the next few chapters will come quicker and easier. I hope it meets your expectations! Reviews and comments are always appreciated!

Awkward
That was the word used to describe how the day was going after the strange, surreal and yet very intimate night Lincoln and Lynn had shared together. Things were just a little…different between the two of them. Maybe it had something to do with how the two hadn’t really gotten much time alone since the day had started. Lincoln had woken up without Lynn next to him, and when he’d managed to shower, shave, and get himself ready for the day, Lynn was already hanging out with Lily and talking about going to the park with her.
It was a beautiful fall day, the weather was warm, and the pretty fall leaves were everywhere. Just a couple more weeks and the more frigid temperatures leading up to true winter would be setting in. That meant now was one of the last Saturdays worth spending outside in comfortable weather.
Lincoln didn’t know this was all by Lynn’s design. She didn’t want to be alone with him right now, she couldn’t afford to be. She needed that buffer, that chaperon to stop her from talking to him about last night and getting lost in those feelings again. She was doing this for both their sakes. They both had futures to worry about, they both had goals they wanted to accomplish, they couldn’t…couldn’t get bogged down in losing themselves in one another.
As beautiful and as wonderful as it was. As happy as it made Lynn to be with the boy she considered her best friend, the sibling she was closest to. She had to be the responsible older sister. She had to watch out for and protect him, from both her and himself.
She just wished it didn’t hurt so much.
Just as she wished she could shut up the tiny voice in her head that was trying to justify it, that was trying to say it could work. After all, if he DID end up in the same dorm with her, if they were together every day away from their parents, away from their other siblings, it wouldn’t be THAT difficult to carry on a secret relationship. And as long as she didn’t end up getting pregnant, it wasn’t like they couldn’t pursue their dreams and careers.
However, the longer their relationship went on, the more likely it would end up getting discovered. How long could Lincoln and she really live together, spend time together before it began to seem a little strange to everyone else they knew? How long before the questions started getting raised, ‘Hey Lynn, haven’t you found a guy you like yet? Lincoln are you going to be a bachelor living with your sister forever? What’s going on with you two?’
Then there was the question of children.
Lynn knew she wanted kids. At some point she wanted little mini versions of herself. She wanted to know the joys and pains of Motherhood. It was growing up surrounded by so many other children that had implanted that idea into her. Just as she knew Lincoln wanted the same.
But how could they ever…With who they were, how could they?
Even if they decided to do it, and take that chance, how could they get away with it? How could they raise their children together? What if they were found out, would their kid(s) get taken away from them? Would they strip away the medals she was certain she was going to win? Would Lincoln end up getting blackballed from any future job? What news agency would hire a man who was knowingly involved in an incestuous relationship with his sister?
The safest option would be to cut off contact with the rest of the family and move somewhere far away where they wouldn’t be discovered. Some where they could lie about their relationship with one another.
That was such an extreme option. They would have to stay off social media and go somewhere their family wouldn’t think to look. Of course their family would panic and want to know what happened to them. They would be spending their lives looking over their shoulders to avoid the very people that love them, just so they could love one another.
It wasn’t real.
It was an unattainable dream.
A beautiful dream, but one made up of so much ephemera.
But Lynn also didn’t want to give up the closeness her and Lincoln had re-attained either. The last thing she wanted was for them to go back to the way things had been last year. Even if she knew they couldn’t be together (no matter how desperately she wanted it) she wanted her brother in her life. She wanted her Stinkin as a firm part of it.
For now, that just meant…ignoring what happened last night. Pretending it didn’t happen, and not giving Linc the chance to talk about it. She knew it would probably hurt him, but it was for the best. When they were calm and cooler, maybe they could talk about it, as this one-time thing that happened when their emotions were high, and they had just missed each other so much. That was it, it was just a fluke brought on by their reunion, not a long-time giving in and fulfillment of a longing Lynn had within her since she realized she was in love with Lincoln back when she was 8.
Lincoln didn’t know what to think for his part either honestly. He was confused on the issue to a degree, on one hand he knew Lucy was his girlfriend. He loved the tall goth, his adoring younger sister who had taken such good care of him with her loving and gentle nature. He was devoted to her.
But he also loved his older sister Lynn. He’d grown up with her as a constant in his life. Rough housing with her, playing with her, learning from her, helping her as she helped him. She was an important part of his life, and he hadn’t realized just how affection starved he’d been without her until she had come back into it. He didn’t want to lose that. He didn’t want to lose Lynn.
Lincoln hated the idea of putting his sisters on any kind of measurable scale. His entire life had been defined by his relationship to them, but out of the ten of them, he was closest to Lynn, Lucy, and Lily.
Lynn because she was the closest to him in age and had been there for him in every way he needed growing up. Because she was fun to be around, because when he had wanted a brother, she had proven she could be better than any brother he could wish for. Because she had taught him so much.
Lucy because she was closest to him in temperament. Because he was sensitive like she was, creative like she was, and knew what it was like to be an outcast at times, like she did. Lucy had deep, beautiful, interesting thoughts and feelings to explore, he could talk to her for hours.
And Lily, his little sidekick, his little buddy. Because she was a ray of sunshine in his life, no matter how gloomy it got. Because her smiles and hugs could banish any pain. Because for some reason, she thought the world of her big brother, and Lincoln took it as a duty and a privilege to live up to her expectations. He would die for any of his sisters, but he would die twice for the baby of the family.
But now his relationship with Lucy was something else. It had transformed into something he had come to think was beautiful in its own way. He still had his doubts and worries. He hated thinking about the future, hated trying to figure out just how they would make it work. Just what they would have to do. Lucy seemed so confident they would overcome any trial, together, but Lincoln was a worrier by nature.
But he knew he loved Lucy, in a romantic sense as well as a familial. Even with that little voice of doubt, worried what they were doing was wrong, it was smaller than the voice that told him how right it was when the two were together.
And now his relationship with Lynn had changed too. But just how much? Lincoln was a smart guy. As taboo as the subject was, he thought about it, and he had to reason Lynn and him weren’t the only siblings to end up doing something like that in the heat of the moment. Something to be horribly embarrassed about, swept under the rug, and pretended as if it never happened. He was sure plenty of brothers and sisters had awkward moments growing up they just mutually decided not to acknowledge.
But Lincoln couldn’t pretend it never happened.
He had made love to Lynn, and in many ways, as wrong as it sounded in his mind, it had been a beautiful act between the two of them. If what Lucy and he had done together was beautiful and right, then what he had done with Lynn was right, at that time at least, too.
Even if they couldn't be together, as Lincoln was certain they couldn't, they shouldn't deny what had happened, and how it maybe could even bring them closer together. Not in some weird sense of being fuck buddies but recognizing how important they were to each other. How much they mattered and needed one another in their lives.
The idea of going back to the way things were, of going back to a Lynn-less life for him was absolutely unacceptable. She was a vital piece of his heart, and he knew he was the same for her. They just needed to talk about it, discuss what they wanted from one another.
Of course, they would have to be alone first, and that didn't seem to be completely in the cards at the moment.
Currently, Lincoln found himself on the playground of the nearby Ketcham Park. It was a place that was familiar to everyone in the Loud Family, given its short distance only a couple blocks away, and it’s assortment of playground equipment had seen over two decades of Louds playing on it. All of the Loud children had played in it over the years growing up, and it had a popular track for runners as well.
Lily, wearing her lilac fall jacket, had already been hyped up by her older sister Lynn, and the two of them were tackling the monkey bars together. It was cute to watch them, Lily had that rambunctious child energy, and as much as she loved her manga, art and videogames, she loved getting to play too. Lincoln knew this personally from the way she still loved climbing all over him and playfully rough housing even at 9 years old.
Really it was adorable watching them together, the way the brunette would call over her shoulder towards her baby sister, encouraging her to go further with her, faster. Lily would laugh and do her best to follow suit. She was in good hands, Lynn would never let anything happen to Lily out there, but she was teaching her little sister the importance of taking chances, and always reaching for the next rung in life.
Lincoln had been sitting on the side lines, on one of the green painted wood park benches, watching the two play together. It gave him such a nostalgic feeling, reminding him of the way Lynn and he would do the same when they were younger. Remembering the way Lynn would encourage him the same. The way she promised to watch out for him and make sure he didn’t fall.
Now and then he would catch her looking at him, even as she played with Lily, the two would lock eyes and smile softly at one another. If Lynn wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened between them just yet, Lincoln supposed that was alright. Her smiles told him she still loved him, even if there was that awkward air between them.
He took his phone out and decided to see if there was anything else he could distract himself with rather than continuing his forlorn glances at Lynn.
He had a message from Ronnie Anne.
Not that there was anything unusual about that. Ronnie Anne and he had been exchanging messages here and there ever since they reconnected. Outside of the first night they had reconnected though, they hadn’t done any personal voice chats, Clyde had always been there with them.
It was still something the two of them were getting used to he reasoned. Talking to one another again casually. Even before they were an official couple, Ronnie and he would message each other almost daily. Ronnie had been his gaming friend even more than Clyde was. Sure, Clyde loved videogames too, almost as much as Lincoln himself did, but Ronnie was hardcore, just like he was. They would share trailers with one another, talk strategy, clips from tournaments, and plan what they were playing together next.
Outside of that, Ronnie would talk about her life in Great Lakes City, what was bothering her with her family, and he would do the same. They were each other’s sounding boards, each other’s way of venting their frustrations. Both of them put taking care of their family above anything else, which often led to playful consternations on both their ends, something they had fun sounding off to one another about.
Both of them had a best friend that lived near them (Literally on the upper floor in Ronnie Anne’s case) but there was a unique connection between the two, Ronnie Anne had really felt like his counterpart, even if she was more aggressive to his more patient energy.
Lincoln hoped they could have that connection back, even if part of him felt a little guilty about it. He knew Lucy was afraid of Ronnie Anne, he’d manage to connect the dots enough there. But Lucy didn’t have anything to be afraid of, Ronnie was still all the way in Great Lakes, and the ship between them had sailed years ago. Besides, he doubted she’d even be interested in getting back with him.
Her message was a simple one.
‘Hey Lame-o, when are we going to play Cave Craft with Lilister? I want to see her get frustrated with the way you build things like I used to get. Maybe it’s just an excuse for me to check the game out again and see everything they’ve added since we stopped playing. Cavecraft just wouldn’t be as fun singleplayer, I need my old buddy to check it out again. Besides, both of us will probably need Lily to show us the ropes. Get back to me soon okay?’
That was right, they had talked about playing Cavecraft with Lily. It honestly did sound fun, and he knew Lily would love it. She’d been hinting at wanting him to play with her, but that had always been a little bit of a bridge too far for Lincoln. Now he supposed he had an excuse.
He fired off a message back to her.
‘I’ll bring it up to her today and get back to you. I’m positive she’ll be game. Hopefully we don’t get embarrassed too much getting schooled by a 9 year old, amirite?’
After he finished sending his message, he heard Lynn calling his name.
“Hey! Stinkin! You gonna sit on the sidelines the whole time, or come join us?”
Okay, no that wasn’t his name. He was just too damned used to getting called that all his life by Lynn.
Just like he was entirely far too used to being called Lame-o by Ronnie Anne.
He inwardly sighed. He knew it now. He knew it entirely. Lynn had been the reason he’d fallen so hard for Ronnie Anne. He had wanted a girl just like his older sister.
And one just like your younger sister…
That though had come to him unbidden out of nowhere, and in that moment, Lincoln realized it was true.
Ronnie Anne had traces of Lucy in her as well. Even her skater punk aesthetic bordered on partially goth with the darker colors she favored. She loved art and manga, and while not as into Superheroes as he was, she still liked them, and had her own dorky interests in all those telenovel shows she would make him watch with her when they were dating.
Ronnie Anne shared features of the two sisters he was closest too. That’s why he had fallen for her so hard.
That was why Ronnie Anne had always felt ‘right’ to him when they were together.
But he didn’t have the girl like his sister anymore, he had his actual sister. He had the one that was so special to him, his shy little introverted poet. The girl that soothed his heart every time she laid with him.
Lincoln was a protector by nature, not in the physical sense (Though when it came to his family and friends, he would put himself in danger for any of them), but in the emotional sense. Lucy gave him someone to protect, and it gave him a sense of emotional fulfillment.
But, she was also his sweet, sensual angel that made his heart quicken when he thought of her now.
No girl had figured out how to press all of the ‘right’ buttons with him the way Lucy did. It was like she had crawled into his head and learned every little forbidden secret and desire he had, just to use it on him. No one was able to drive him crazy like that, he was a slave to his desires with her. She could have him anytime she wanted, and he was aware of it.
Yet he also knew she adored him, and he could have her anytime he wanted as well.
And he had a feeling he could have the other one if he wanted too. Lynn seemed to desire him just as much. Not that he did fully want Lynn, or maybe he did, but he knew he shouldn’t.
Argh, his love life was just getting far too fucking confusing.
He had slept with Lynn and had enjoyed it, enjoyed the closeness they shared again. But he loved Lucy just as much, and she quieted all the worries and fears in his heart whenever they were together. Then there was Ronnie Anne, who existed as like the god damn ghost of girlfriends past to come and haunt him.
God dammit, sometimes he wished he didn’t have a dick in the first place! All it did was cause him nothing but trouble. Or it was his lack of self-control. Probably more the latter than the former.
He looked back up towards Lynn and smiled, “Don’t you think I’m a little too big for the playground equipment?”
Lynn smirked in reply as she stood up on the monkey bars she had been climbing on, scoffing playfully, “I’m a full year older than you Linc and look at me.”
Lily called out in support of her big sister, “Yeah! Stinkin! Come play with us!” she giggled.
Oh great, now she was calling him it too.
Lincoln stood up from his seat, pocketing his phone, “You’re also like two feet shorter than me too Lynn.”
Lynn grinned at him, “All I’m hearing is excuses right now Stinkin! Get your butt over here with us! It’s a family activity!”
Lily echoed her big sister again, “Yeah! Get your butt over here Linky!”
Lincoln looked back towards Lily in mock shock, placing his hand to his chest, “Lily, you’re turning on me too?! I thought you were my sidekick!”
Lynn reached down from her position on the monkey bars, to where Lily was standing on her own, patting the girl’s head gently, “Sorry Linc! I’m the older sister, I out rank you, and besides, Lily wants you to come play with us too!”
Lily continued to giggle at the exchange, looking up at Lynn with a large smile before back at her older brother calling back, “Yeah! Lynn’s older than you Linky! She outranks you! I’m her sidekick now!” before sticking her tongue out playfully at him.
Lincoln sighed and shook his head, “I guess I have no choice! Alright then, you better run Lily, cause for turning on me, I’m going to blow on your belly! No mercy for traitors!”
Lincoln took off at a light jog towards the monkey bars as Lily squealed and laughed and tried to climb faster away! However, it was too late, when he reached her, he hoisted her right from top with both arms around her waist and pulled her towards him. She wiggled and squirmed, laughing the whole time as he pulled her shirt up over her tummy, placed his lips down over her belly button and blew hot air against her skin.
The little girl laughed with delight, and Lynn herself cackled as she watched the interaction between the two.
There was a moment for Lynn, as she watched her two younger siblings play, the way Lincoln was with Lily, how good, how much she looked up to him, she realized what a good father he was going to make one day.
She felt that slight pang of regret, of the unfairness of life again.
She didn’t want a muscle headed Jock as her boyfriend. Okay, that wasn’t completely true, she wanted someone who was interested in their health and would work out with her. Be interested in doing those outside activities. But even more she wanted someone with that inherent sweetness Lincoln had. That intelligence he had. That adorable sincere dorkiness he possessed.
He’d be great with their children. She thought and wondered again if she was making the right decision. Watching the way Lily laughed and adored her big brother. The way he put her back and they climbed together while she seemed so excited.
Lynn smiled, wondered what could be, and then joined the both of them in hijinks.
An hour and a half later they were finished, and it was time for lunch. The three of them walked back together, hand in hand. Lily between her two elder siblings, swinging their hands back and forth with the largest grin on her face. She’d had a great time, and that’s what made Lynn and Lincoln the happiest.
Lynn knew, Lily had missed her terribly as well. Staying away had not only been unfair to Lincoln, but it had been unfair to Lily too. She also knew, Lily was going to miss Lincoln terribly when he left. Lucy would be her next eldest, and while Lynn knew Lucy loved the little girl, she wasn’t as close to her as Lynn and Lincoln were. Lola seemed to pick up the slack when it came to giving Lily special attention, but no one would be able to replace herself and Lincoln.
As the three walked together, Lynn and Lincoln would look towards one another and share a private little smile. It was clear they both had things they wanted to say but were holding off for the moment.
When they arrived back home, Lily was quick to take off her coat, kick off her shoes and loudly tell her brother she was hungry, Lynn elbowed Lincoln in the ribs playfully speaking up, “Yeah bro, both of us are hungry, you going to take care of that?”
Lincoln rolled his eyes and pat Lily on the head, “Alright Lils, you go ahead and wash up and I’ll make us something to eat, how’s grilled cheese and tomato soup sound?”
“Yummy Linky! I want extra cheese! Don’t forget!” Lily replied before she threw her arms around Lynn, giving her a hug, and then did the same for Lincoln too, and ran off as she was told.
It seemed, for a moment, Lincoln and Lynn were alone.
Both looked at one another and gave a shy smile, red faced. Nervous laughter.
It was clear what was on both their minds.
They spoke at the same time.
“Lynn-“
“Linc-“
They both laughed nervously again. Lincoln put his hand up behind his head.
Lynn reached forward and placed her hands gently on his shirt, taking a soft hold of it before she looked up to him, “Linc, I know what we need to talk about. I’m just, I’m not ready yet. But I want you to know, I’m not upset, and I don’t regret it. But we need to talk.”
Lincoln breathed out a sigh of relief. Hearing those words from her was like a weight off his shoulders, and suddenly all the awkwardness that was between them vanished, just like that, and things were good again.
He smiled as he nodded, “Okay Lynn, I agree, and I’m not upset, and I don’t regret it either.”
Lynn returned his smile, “Thank you Lincoln.”
She then hugged him, and he hugged her back, they held each other like that for several moments, it was nice, and it felt wholesome.
After they released their grip on one another, Lynn reached up and booped her brother in the nose with her finger, “Alright, you better be making enough for all of us to eat Stinkin.”
Lincoln scoffed, “Wouldn’t think of starving you of anything Lynn.”
As he turned to walk towards the Kitchen, Lynn caught him from behind and wrapped her arms around him again. She gave him a deep hug, nestling her head gently into his back, “Good.”
Lincoln ended up cooking Lunch for the whole family, at least all of the ones which were home at the moment, including his Mother and Father. It was a treat to have Lynn home, Rita and Lynn Sr had missed their daughter terribly, they missed all of them of course, and it was a treat anytime of them came to visit. Lola, Lana, Lily and Lisa, all decided to spend the afternoon together with Lynn, catching up with her, talking about how her team was doing, how her classes were going.
There were questions about any cute boys on campus, Lola and Rita the most interested in that, but Lynn Jr brushed them off casually, saying she was focused on her class work and her athletic endeavors, even as she stole a shy glance at her brother.
Lincoln was happy to remain mostly quiet during the afternoon, he’d had Lynn pretty much to himself for a whole day now, outside of hanging with Lily, and he enjoyed watching her reconnect with everyone. It was like Lynn was coming to life again, it wasn’t just him she had missed out on, it was everyone. She still had her new life on campus, but she would no longer deny herself the love of her family.
Section Break
Lynn Sr, Lynn Jr and Lincoln piled into Vanzilla, the affectionate name given to the old plus sized family Van which had served over two decades of Loud children. The vehicle had been a gift from Lynn Sr’s father Leonard, it’s previous owner, and Lynn Sr prized the vehicle like it was one of his own children. Despite no longer needing the room with almost half of his children out of the house, Lynn Sr refused to part with the old turquoise behemoth.
Thanks to both his wife Rita and their daughter Lana, Vanzilla was still in perfect running condition, even after so many years on the road.
Lynn Jr had already called ‘Shotgun!’ before they headed out, sitting up front with her father, while Lincoln took the seat directly behind her. With it being a bench though, he had easy room to move around, and would spend most of the drive to Windsor, leaning forward between the two seats his Father and sister claimed.
Lynn Sr was practically ecstatic, the patriarch of the Loud family could barely contain his excitement at going out and spending time with two of his children, (his adult children he thought wistfully, at least he was guaranteed 9 more years with Lily he reminded himself).
Looking over towards his daughter as they pulled out on the street, he spoke up, “Alright, I’m behind here, but who is it that’s fighting tonight LJ?”
Lynn Jr pipped up, smirking at her father, “Veroinica ‘The Stalker’ Star, and Trixie ‘Terminator’ Tang. The two used to be friends coming up through the UFC, but apparently there’s some bad blood between them, over a guy of all things.” Lynn folded her arms and scoffed.
Lincoln winced hearing that, “Er, so it’s personal? Between them?”
LJ nodded before she smirked and shrugged, “Yeah but you know how these things are. They always drum up some drama real or imagined to get people more excited. Like, I looked into it and apparently the guy’s been married to some girl named Chloe for a few years now. They probably don’t even care about him.”
Lynn Sr raised his eyebrow, “Huh, you’d think with the modern world we’re living in, they’d look for something less…. sexist to hang that whole rivalry on…”
LJ gave a sad shrug of her shoulders again, “Yeah well, the best way to get guys to tune into something is to feed the fantasy of multiple women fighting over them.”
Lincoln frowned as he heard that, raising his hand up, “Hey now! Lucy loves that Vampire show for all the vampires and werewolves fighting over the one girl, people on all sides enjoy love triangles!”
Lynn Jr looked back towards her brother with a questioning, teasing gaze, “Don’t you watch that show with her anyway Stinkin?”
Lincoln looked embarrassed, before firing back, “I mean yeah, but only because the much cooler Sorcerer for Hire is on after it, and there’s no love triangle on that show, just a kick ass wizard who fights demons and stuff with his gritty Boston accent, and his on again off again vampire girlfriend!”
Lynn Jr rolled her eyes, yelled “Dweeb!” and punched him in the arm.
“Ow!” Came Lincoln’s reply as he winced and rubbed his arm, frowning back at Lynn. Yup, things were back to normal between them.
Lynn Sr glanced at the exchange with mild amusement in his eyes, before focusing back on the road and piping in, “Well, no matter the case, Your Mother could probably take both of them if it came down to it. Rita Loud is the toughest woman I know.”
LJ snickered as she elbowed her father playfully, “She can kick your ass I bet Dad.”
Lynn Sr laughed and nodded, “Oh, no doubt about it. After 11 children too? She could bend me into a Pretzel if she wanted. Though fortunately for me, she’s the one that does more bending between the two of us.”
LJ and Lincoln both looked to their father absolutely horrified, calling out at the same time, “Dad!”
“Ew, gross!”
“Come on now, we don’t need that mental picture!”
Lynn Sr only laughed at his progeny’s reaction, “I can only hope when the two of you find your special someones, you love one another as much as your mother and I do each other.”
LJ and Lincoln suddenly shared a look with one another, and gave a slight flush and nervous smile, before looking away.
Lincoln coughed before responding, “Uh, thanks Dad, but I don’t think either of us are gonna go for trying to match your and Mom’s record.”
Lynn Sr laughed in response, reaching back and patting his son affectionately on the shoulder. Then he suddenly gripped it tightly and leaned over towards him, a deadly serious tone in his voice, “I get that son, but you listen here. You better be wrapping that every time you go diving if you know what I mean. We Louds are a fertile clan, and unless you want to be up to your eyeballs in diapers you better be safe!”
Lincoln blinked in fear at the look his father gave him, putting his hands up slowly, “Whoa, Dad, you already gave me that speech when I turned 16.”
Lynn Sr had turned back towards watching the road again as he responded, “Always helps to remind you now and then son. That goes for you too LJ, if you’re anything like your mother you have a fertile valley, and you need to protect it if you want to keep going forward in your Sport’s career.”
LJ practically gagged as her father called her out like that, rearing back, “Okay Dad! We get it, can we please stop exploring the most embarrassing conversations to have with your parents ever?”
Lynn Sr only smiled in response, “Come on LJ, your mother and I have always prided ourselves on thinking you could talk to us about anything.”
LJ responded while folding her arms, “Yeah Dad, the key thing being us coming to you to talk about it.”
The rest of the ride fortunately passed with much less awkwardness between the family, as they caught up and joked about other things.
They had some trouble crossing over into Canada though, it was always the case with Lincoln. Briefly during 6^th grade in an ill-fated attempt to get into the same homeroom as his childhood friends, he accidentally caused himself to get transferred to a school in Windsor. Needless to say, it wasn’t ideal, and he’d gone purposefully out of his way to try and get expelled, as non-violently, as possible.
But, the people of Canada are a tolerant lot, and it took greater and greater attempts, until after accidentally desecrating a historical Canadian heritage site, he ended up getting banned from the country for three years.
Lincoln didn’t visit Canada all that often really because of that, they had a file on him now, and every time he had crossed the border (once to go camping with friends, once to visit a convention in Toronto, and once to get a rare birthday gift for his mother) the Canadian border patrol seemed to take sadistic, very polite pleasure in giving him grief either coming, or going.
This time was no different, after taking the three’s ID’s, the Officer made sure to question Lincoln particularly about his ‘intentions’ across the border with his family. It took some real keen eyed begging and pleading from Lynn and Lynn to convince the Border patrol not to subject Lincoln to a full cavity search, but eventually the family made it's way into Windsor and would arrive at Corey's sports bar.
Corey's sports bar wasn't terribly different from the majority of Sport's bars that could be found all over North America, particularly the American midwest, and windsor itself which almost existed as a slightly politer version of the Midwest and South-East Michigan. It was a cinder block building painted a light blue on the outside with a neon sign and clean well maintained parking lot.
Inside the floor was all hard wood, with a long well stocked bar against the far south wall that attached to a kitchen where an assortment of wings, sandwiches and burgers could be bought. Screen after screen after screen festooned the entire building, every wall, and the bar itself, with multiple tables and booths scattered about at strategic angles to see the various sports and sports programs which were constantly playing on all of them. And of course, every beer imaginable, both foreign and domestic was available in a bottle or on tap.
The Louds found themselves a nice corner booth available as LJ continued to tease her brother about their incident at the border.
“Only you could be so unlucky as to actually make Canadians dislike you Lincoln..” She chuckled.
Lincoln sighed for the fourth time and raised his hands in exasperation, “I don't know how many times I can apologize to every Canadian I meet when it comes up. It was an accident, it was years ago, I was 12 years old!”
Lincoln's father was even getting in on the action, “Son, you know the worst thing is, if you wanted to be pulled from the school, you could of just told your mother and I. We would of put you back into Royal Woods middle school you know.”
Lincoln groaned as he put his fingers to the bridge of his nose, “I know that now! Again, I was 12! That and, it all started just because I wanted to be in the same home room as Clyde, that plan spiraled further and further out of control on me the more I tried to fix it.”
LJ fixed her brother with a frank look, “You kinda always had a bad habit of that though. Trying to fix problems all by yourself instead of asking for help when you should, until it blows up in your face.”
Lincoln frowned and narrowed his eyes again, “Gee Lynn, thanks for the vote of confidence.”
Lynn Jr smiled and playfully punched Lincoln in the arm again, “Aww, it's okay little bro, I believe in you! That is, believe in your continued ability to get yourself in trouble.” She laughed maliciously.
Lincoln fixed her with another frown, and this time didn't hesitate as he lunged over at her and began to rough house with her right behind the table as they sat next to each other. Lynn Jr broke into a giggle fit from the action as Lincoln laughed while they tried to out wrestle one another as their father looked on and rolled his eyes.
Lynn Sr eventually cleared his throat, “Kids! The waitress is approaching!”
Lynn Jr and Lincoln sat up straight, like they were children at church trying to suddenly act their best, and not 19 and 20 respectively. Even as they both smirked and tried their best to stop from laughing when the waitress hit their table.
Lynn Jr managed to at least speak up, “Dad why don't you go ahead and order for Lincoln and I since you're supposed to be the more experienced one here.”
Lynn Sr smiled at the request picking up the little menu full of beers on hand as he nodded, “Of course LJ! Just leave it to your old man, I'll get you two something good to start with. What your mother and I used to like to drink when we came here.”
The waitress was dressed in a black T-shirt emblazoned with 'Corey's Sport's Bar' across it, part of it pulled down partially over one shoulder, revealing a pink bra strap underneath. She had her brown hair tied back in a pony tail and was wearing a pair of hip hugging jeans, her name tag revealed her as 'Amanda'.
Amanda the waitress stood in front of the trio, notepad in hand, “Welcome to Corey's bar, I'll be your waitress tonight, let me see your Ids and we'll talk about what to start with.”
The family fished out their Ids for Amanda, who took them in hand and looked the three over with a raised eyebrow, “Americans huh? I see what's going on here, and Dad you're actually encouraging this?” She teased Lynn Sr after handing their ids back.
Lynn Sr laughed nervously and shrugged, “Hey, it's better they take advantage of the laxer drinking laws with their old man, than they do by themselves.”
Amanda gave a playful chuckle, “Well, in that case let me recommend you start off with some Moosehead, after all you crossed an entire country border to get here, you should sample our proud home beverages.”
Lynn Sr looked toward his son and daughter with a smile, “That sound good to you two?”
Lynn Jr and Lincoln both nodded.
“Sounds great Dad.” Lincoln said.
“You're the expert here Dad, we'll go with your suggestion.” LJ replied.
Lynn Sr looked back to Amanda and nodded again, “Welp, you heard the kids, 3 Mooseheads.”
Amanda smiled, “I'll be right back.”
Lynn Sr took on a rather proud expression as he brought his gaze back to his children, “It's important you two learn the difference between Good beer and Bad beer. You're always going to pay more for better tasting beer, but it's worth it in the end. I won't hear anything about my kids drinking watered down rat piss.”
Lincoln and Lynn Jr both rolled their eyes at their father, before Lincoln seemed to catch on to something said earlier.
“Hey wait a minute Dad, did you say you and Mom used to come over here? Were you trying to get Mom drunk back in college?!” Lincoln said in a playfully accusatory tone.
Lynn Sr snerked and shook his head, “No, your mom was trying to get ME drunk Lincoln.”
Lynn Jr laughed in response, “Oh come on Dad, why would Mom need to get you drunk?”
Lynn Sr actually began to look a little embarrassed, his cheeks flushing as he put his fingers together nervously, “Hey, I thought you two said you didn't want to talk about this kind of stuff? What's with you putting me on the spot like this?”
Lincoln decided to back LJ up, leaning forward and staring at his father, “Oh no, now we want to know. You really want us to believe Mom wanted to get you tipsy?”
Lynn Sr began to look increasingly red under the gaze of his two children asking what was a more personal question about the beginnings of his and their mother's relationship. He put his hand up behind his neck, “Well it's just... Your mother had a little more experience than me when it came to relationships at the time. N-n-not that I'm saying she was loose or anything! But she just, knew what she was doing a little more than I did and..”
LJ seized on this, with shock on her face, “Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are you saying you were a virgin when you met Mom, and she wasn't?!”
“LJ! Come on, that's not an appropriate question to ask me!” Lynn Sr responded in a panic.
Lincoln replied smugly, “Oh come on Dad, what happened to, we could talk to you about anything huh?”
Lynn Sr narrowed his eyes at his children, pointing his finger at them accusatory, “Oh, you two play dirty. Alright, you want to know the details? Fine, fine. The only woman I've ever been with in my life, is your mother. Satisfied?” Lynn Sr folded his arms defensively.
LJ's response however, was not what Lynn Sr expected at all. Her eyes went wide and she smiled at him as she responded, “Awww! Dad, that's adorable!”
The Loud Patriarch looked surprise, eyebrows lifting, “Huh? Wait, you really think so?”
Lincoln nodded his head in agreement, “I'm with Lynn here. That's so rare, kinda makes perfect sense with the way you and Mom are together.”
Lynn Sr smiled one of the biggest smiles in his life, looking slightly sheepish all the same, “Aww, well thanks kids! Your mother really is something else in that department anyway, I don't think any other woman could compare with her, and I've never been interested in finding out anyway I mean--”
Lincoln cut his Dad off, “Okay Dad, we get it! No more details needed beyond that!”
Lynn Jr chuckled and nodded, “Yeah Dad, we kinda have the evidence in all 11 of us. And now we know that Lincoln get's 100% of his dweebness officially from you.”
Lincoln nodded for a moment, before he turned and looked towards LJ with a frown, “Hey! Lynn that's not--”
Before Lynn Sr cut him off, placing his hand on Lincoln's shoulder and giving a soft sigh, “No son, I'm afraid she's right. But hey, look at this way, I still bagged your Mom despite it all!”
LJ continued to snicker, “Yeah Stinkin! Don't feel too bad, dweebs like you can still catch the eye of a quality girl.”
Lynn Jr hadn't even realized the implications of what she had said until the words left her lips, and she flashed Lincoln an embarrassed smile who returned one similar before they both looked away again.
Lynn Sr however, spoke up watching the two of them, a soft smile on his lips, “You don't know how happy your mother and I have been watching you two this weekend.”
That brought both Lynn Jr and Lincoln's attention back to their father.
Lincoln spoke nervously, “Uh, what do you mean by that Dad?”
Their father only continued to smile as he spoke up, “Oh come on, your Mom and I know a lot more of what's going on with all of you then you realize. You are our kids after all, we did raise you.”
For a moment, a look of panic seemed to grip both Lincoln and Lynn, before their father continued..
“Lincoln, LJ, you two have always been close. That's the way it's been with all of you kids, Lori and Leni, Luna and Luan, and you two. You were inseparable as children. Lynn here even begged us not to move you into your own room when we decided you were getting to old, and we needed the space for Lucy.”
Lincoln looked back towards LJ, apparently unaware that she had made such a passionate plea when they were younger. She blushed, looking back at him, before she gave a small smile and shrug, “What can I say, Stinkin you were always the one up to play with me, and I didn't look forward to sharing a room with Spooky.”
Lincoln knew now, it was more than that, but it touched him all the same.
Lynn Jr quickly clarified, “It did turn out pretty good with Lucy in the end, the two of us connected and I think sharing a room helped with that.”
Lynn Sr nodded his head, “In either case, we were worried about your relationship the last year. College seemed like it had changed you, you barely came home and when you did, you barely spent any time with Lincoln. Were you two having some kind of argument?”
Before Lynn or Lincoln could respond, Lynn Sr shook his head and continued.
“It doesn't matter. We're just happy to see you two getting along again so well, and Lynn, the rest of your sisters and your Mom and I really missed you too. We know you're probably having a lot of fun on campus, but we hope this means you'll come home more often now too.”
Lynn Jr felt her cheeks get warm again as she looked down at the table for a moment, then back up to her father and brother, nodding her head, “That's the plan Dad. I, I think I missed what was really important to me. But I want to change that. See all of you more.”
Her father nodded his head returning a smile to her, “I'm happy to hear that LJ. Oh, here comes our drinks!”
Amanda the waitress arrived with their beer, and the three of them spent the evening together watching the fight. Lynn Sr only had one beer, while he let Lynn Jr and Lincoln end up splitting a pitcher between the two of them. The fight itself had been a wild spectacle that went on for four rounds until Veronica Star managed to pin Trixie Tang in a ground and pound and get declared winner by KO after brutally opening her face up with several blows.
After that, Lynn Sr piled back into Vanzilla and drove his slightly tipsy children back home across the border.
Section Break
When Vanzilla pulled back into the driveway of 1216 Franklin Avenue, Lynn Jr and Lincoln were still feeling tipsy, and still knew they needed to talk. It was enough a shared look between the two of them let them know it was time.
Lynn spoke up to her father as he parked the van, “Dad, Linc and I aren't ready to go in yet, we're going to go take a walk together.”
Lynn Sr looked a little curious, but in the end didn't see any reason to tell them they couldn't. After all, Royal Woods was a pretty safe neighborhood, and he figured his son and daughter just wanted to keep reconnecting, something he approved of, “Okay you two, don't stay out too late now, and don't get into any trouble!”
Lincoln smiled and nodded, “We won't dad, don't worry!”
Lynn and He proceeded to exit the Van then, in their fall coats and head out down the street in the chilly fall air. Despite the warmer days, the nights were getting colder, but the alcohol was making them both feel a little warmer.
As they walked side by side, they remained in a comfortable silence next to each other. They found themselves heading in the direction of Ketchum park again, the place only earlier they had played with Lily.
Lynn's hand sought out Lincoln's own, and he eagerly took hers in his. The two siblings walked into the park, under the street lights, hand in hand quietly together.
After a few more moments of quietly walking together, Lynn finally decided it was time to talk, and she spoke up first, “Last night. That was...really something, wasn't it?”
She looked at him, a shy smile on her lips.
Lincoln looked back a slight flush on his cheeks as he nodded, “Yeah, it really was. I can't say I expected it or anything.”
Lynn laughed softly and nodded, “I can't say that I did either. I'm just, happy you don't think I'm a freak or anything and haven't pulled away.”
Lincoln fixed Lynn with a playful gaze, “Come on Lynn, it wasn't exactly like I was protesting during any moment the whole thing went down. Kind of the entire opposite of that.”
Lynn flushed heavily, looked up and rubbed the back of her neck, “Yeah, neither of us seemed as if we thought it was the worst thing to ever happen.”
They both shared an embarrassed chuckled and fell silent for a few moments longer, before Lynn spoke again.
“You know... you've always been the guy I wanted right? You know, I've had a crush on you for the longest time. You were always more fun than everyone else in the house, and you always put up with the worst parts of me. I know, I can come off as, intense. But it never bothered you.”
Lincoln looked down shyly at the word of praise coming from his older sister. He squeezed her hand affectionately as he nodded and responded, “It goes both ways Lynn. The admiration, the feelings for everything you did with me too. You're probably the reason why my taste in girls kinda runs a certain way.”
Lynn smiled brightly hearing that. She looked at Lincoln as if he'd payed her the greatest compliment she'd ever received. But eventually she gave a soft long sigh, as she looked up for a moment and frowned, “Which is why it also kinda sucks you're my brother.”
Lincoln gave a soft laugh in reply, smirking back at her, “What's that supposed to mean?”
Lynn looked back at him with a frank expression, “Come on Linc. You know what it means. It means...” She hesitated, paused, as if her body refused to let her speak. No, as if her heart was trying to prevent her from saying the words. From saying the words that would put an end to her dream.
Lynn, bit her bottom lip. She stopped in place.
Lincoln turned towards her, he reached out and took her other hand in his own. They looked at one another, as Lynn's eyes began to tear up.
She finally found her words, even as it made her heart begin to break, “It means we can't be together. As much as I want it. As much as it feels perfect to me. As much as all I can do is imagine having a family with you and how great it would be. It means I know that's all just some silly fantasy.”
She sniffled, and began to cry softly.
Lincoln's heart began to break in turn. He felt torn and conflicted. He couldn't help it. He had it ingrained in him to provide his sisters comfort, to take care of them, to try and make them smile when any of them cried. To do anything for them. Even if he knew he was supposed to be with Lucy, and he loved Lucy, he also loved Lynn, and he wanted to assuage her pain so much.
His voice came, soft, compassionate.. “Lynn, no it's not silly at all...”
But she responded with a smile, even through her pain, “No Lincoln, don't. I know you. I know you too well. You'll try to think of a way to make it work. Just because I'm crying. That's why you're such a good brother. That's why we all love you so much. Lincoln will drop anything, do anything for his sisters.”
Lincoln frowned, more at himself than anything else, he was fighting every instinct, every feeling he had to not try and tell Lynn exactly that.
She dropped hold of his hands, and put her own on his chest, “But that's the thing Lincoln. I'm your older sister, only by a year, but I still am. I'm supposed to take care of you. And in this case, I'm going to. I won't let you ruin your future just because you want to make me happy.”
Now Lincoln did need to speak up, as if he needed to tell Lynn his feelings were more than that, “Lynn! You're talking like I wouldn't enjoy it too!”
Lynn gave a sad little smile as she looked up into his eyes, her big brown looking into his blue, “Oh I know you would Lincoln. I know.” She gave a soft laugh even through a sniffle, “If anything last night told me all I needed to know about my ability to make you happy.”
Lincoln looked back to her, a flush coming over his cheeks. Even as Lynn felt the need to gently poke him in the chest and continue, “And don't think I won't take a measure of pride in you having to compare every future lay you have to how good I was. You know how competitive I am.”
Lincoln only flushed even more, as he looked down at Lynn, almost disbelieving in what she was saying. Lynn laughed again, and continued.
“But Like I said Lincoln. It's not real. Our parents would never approve, our sisters would never approve. Society would split us apart, we'd be pariahs, it's just... It's not a life I can subject you too. Or myself either. I have dreams and you have dreams.”
Lynn gave another sigh, and then added, “And yet, I know I'd throw away my own dreams for you. I know that. But it's the fact you have dreams of your own, that lets me know why I can't do it, why I can't allow it. I love you too much.”
Lincoln listened intently, watching his older sister. She was so much smaller than him in size, she had to look up at him partially. He found himself tearing up as well as he listened, bringing one hand up to wipe at his eyes. He didn't even know what to say.
He suddenly felt Lynn's arms slip around his waist as she leaned into him for a tight hug.
He brought his arms down to wrap around her in turn.
Lynn went on, “I know you love me too. I'll always be a little in love with you Lincoln. Always. But, we need to stop, before this gets out of control.”
Lincoln sniffed softly, and nodded his head, “Yeah, okay Lynn. I, I understand.”
Lynn looked up at him and smiled even through her own tears, “But I don't want to go back to the way things were this last year. I want to visit you again, I want to see you again. I want to call you and talk to you. I've missed my little brother so much.”
Lincoln nodded and smiled through his own heartbreak, “I want that too Lynn. I really do.”
Lynn continued to smile, “Good. Then this isn't a break up silly.”
Lincoln laughed again, even through his tears as he nodded, “Yeah I guess it's really not then.”
Lynn pulled her arms back and fixed her brother with a smirk, “Right, we just need to make sure we don't end up fucking one another again.”
Lincoln coughed, even as he laughed, looking back at her with shock, “Lynn!”
Lynn practically cackled as she watched him, before she looked up and rubbed the back of her neck and sighed, “Hey, it's going to be harder for me then you! Which is why...” She sighed, and groaned, “It's best I sleep in my room tonight. I can't trust myself all snuggled up with you, alone in your room, the very next night after you gave me the best sex I've ever had.”
Lincoln turned a deeper shade of red, his eyes a little wide, mouth agape as he didn't know what to say.
Lynn smiled and laughed, “The list isn't that long Stinkin. But you were the best.” She didn't feel the need to tell him the story of who the only other sexual partner she had was. She let him have that moment.
Lincoln nodded slowly then, before he responded, “I guess..that makes sense.” A slight hint of disappointment in his voice.
Lynn chuckled, detecting it apparently, “Yeah, I guess the log is going to have to make do with your hand tonight. Sorry Stinkin.”
Lincoln groaned and put his hands to his face in embarrassment, “Maybe I'll just go find a rock to crawl under and never come out again.”
Lynn laughed softly and reached forward to take his hand, “Oh come on Linc, it'll be okay. We should head back home now.”
Lincoln looked back at Lynn, seeing the way her eyes twinkled in the light of the stars and the street lamps. He could see she was still hurting a little, over this decision she had made, but she was far more happy about having him back in her life at all.
Lincoln smiled in return and nodded, “Okay Lynn.”
The two of them walked back home together. They spent a little more time staying up and hanging out, before retiring to their rooms separately for the night.
Lynn had breakfast with the family the next morning, but around Noon, Margo showed up to pick her up to head back to Wolverine U. Lucy had also come home by that time, and Lynn even spared a hug to her old roommate. But at the end of it all, Lincoln and her hugged the longest and she left him with a cryptic statement before she left.
“Don't worry little bro, you'll be seeing me a lot more sooner than you think.”
She left Lincoln on the front porch, wondering what that meant as she piled into the front seat of the car with her other best friend. Margo asked if her weekend was good, Lynn responded, “Total slam dunk!”
In the end, she may not have won the game. But she had forced a stalemate. A draw.
That was far better than a loss.
After all, she was Lynn Fucking Loud, she never lost.

Cat's closing remarks: The Loud House movie clips being released really helped me with some of the details here. After seeing the opening song “Life is better Loud” I was struck by something. I showed a friend of mine the clip, and asked, “Do you think this dweeb was a virgin before he met Rita?” Her response, “100% certain.” Leni's chapter is coming very soon, it might be next! But I also want to give some more space to Lucy and Lincoln again too, after all, they are kind of the main characters, I don't want poor Lucy getting shuffled off to the side too much! Until next time everyone!
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The Shadow of his Heart