My Own Public Idaho | By : Jake Category: +G through L > Hey, Arnold! Views: 245 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
| Disclaimer: I do not own Hey Arnold! and I make no money from writing about it. | |
2. Saturday
Early the next afternoon, all of Arnold and Helga's friends and family (except those who were out of the country) gathered at the Sunset Arms for an intimate post-wedding celebration. Patty was one of the first to arrive; she smiled warmly at the two newlyweds as they welcomed her into the house.
'I think what you guys have done is totally excellent,' Patty told Arnold and Helga. 'You got married at sixteen, which just has to be a big deal no matter how you cut it, but you didn't do it to prove anything or defy anyone. You did it because you chose each other, purely and simply.'
'Actually,' said Arnold, 'we did kinda defy my parents.'
'I'm sure that was entirely incidental,' said Patty.
'Yeah, it was,' Arnold agreed.
'You, er... you ever think about marrying Harold, Patty?' Helga asked.
'Sure, I think about it sometimes,' said Patty. 'Then after I've had a long lie-down, I start to think of the things I might actually enjoy about the experience.'
All three laughed at this remark as they entered the main living area, which had been fully kitted out with finger food and a mix-CD playing at an appropriate volume through various speakers. Soon the room had filled up with mingling party-goers and was alive with the buzz of conversation.
Big Bob took the opportunity to sidle up to his ex-wife and say, 'Hi, Miriam. How's it going?'
'Very well, thank you, B,' she replied, treating him to a friendly smile. 'How about you?'
'My bank account's in the black and I'm not living in a store anymore,' said Bob. 'So, you know; pretty good.'
'Wonderful,' said Miriam. 'I just can't believe we're here to celebrate our little baby girl's wedding.'
Big Bob raised his eyebrow and said, 'You're the one who spent the whole of yesterday hanging around in Idaho so that the thing could actually happen.'
'Oh, I know,' Miriam assured him. 'But even though it has happened, it's still unbelievable.'
'Why do you think Helga asked you to go along, instead of me?' Bob asked.
'She was at my place when Arnold laid out his plan to her,' said Miriam. 'It was only logical to ask me first. What would you have said if she had asked you?'
'I guess I wouldn't have liked the idea too much,' said Bob, 'at least to begin with. But I'd have gone with them anyway.'
Big Bob and Miriam took a few moments to stare in contemplative silence at the area of the room where their two daughters had just started talking together.
'I simply can't believe you got married, baby sister,' said Olga. 'Before me!'
'Never mind, Olga,' Helga replied, with a slightly crafty smile. 'For every three Dougs in the world, there has to be about half an Arnold. So, you know; don't totally give up hope just yet.'
Olga looked for a moment as if she might be about to burst into tears, but then she laughed instead and gave her sister a hug. Returning the embrace, Helga peered over Olga's shoulder at the sight of Arnold talking to Gerald. She smiled contentedly to herself.
'This isn't easy for me to say, man,' said Gerald. 'I mean, I don't want you to think that I... I resent you or anything, but I have been kinda jealous for a while now.'
'In what way?' Arnold asked.
'Okay, here's how it is,' said Gerald. 'Ever since I helped Phoebe cut together that video of you doing a bunch of good deeds to send in for that contest, I've known for a fact that you'd be able to get yourself some hot pussy whenever you wanted it. Helga G. Pataki pussy, sure. But still pussy!'
'Gerald, I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk that way about my wife,' said Arnold.
'I'm sorry, Arnold,' Gerald sighed. 'It's just that I have blue balls and they're driving me crazy! What exactly did you say to Helga to get her to put out for the first time? Maybe if I say the same thing to Phoebe, I can get some action too!'
'If you want Phoebe to have sex with you, just ask her if she'd like to do it,' Arnold advised. 'You shouldn't try to, like, trick her into it.'
'I don't want to trick her,' said Gerald. 'I just need some tips on how to start the conversation.'
'This stuff is deeply personal and different for everyone, man,' said Arnold. 'The way it happened with me and Helga was, we were watching a movie and it was getting a little hot in the room so I took off my shirt, then she started to touch me.'
'Maybe Phoebe would touch me if I did that,' Gerald mused. 'What happened next?'
'Helga pulled out my cock and gave me a handjob, then... well, things went on from there, really.'
'Lucky!'
'Look, Gerald,' said Arnold, 'I really think you need to talk to Phoebe about how you're feeling.'
'Oh, I will,' Gerald said determinedly. 'Then I'll be popping my blueberries by the end of the week!'
'If that's what you both want,' said Arnold, 'I'm sure it'll happen for you.'
The murmur of talk in the room died out suddenly as the CD player was switched off and someone attempted to attract everyone else's attention by tapping a fork on a drinking glass.
'If you'd all care to indulge an old man for a few moments,' Grandpa announced, 'I'd just like to ask everyone to raise a glass or a cocktail weenie or whatever they're holding, and share in a toast to the bride and groom, Helga and Arnold.'
All the guests were more than happy to join in with this plan.
'Arnold, I can't tell you how proud I am of you,' Grandpa continued. 'I'm proud of you for sharing your umbrella with a shy little girl on your first day of pre-school, I'm proud of all the fundraising you've done lately for the San Lorenzo earthquake relief effort, and I'm also proud of everything you did in between... and that's a whole lot!'
'Thanks, Grandpa,' said Arnold, then everyone started to applaud loudly.
'We're proud of you too, Helga!' Big Bob bellowed across the room.
'Really proud, honey!' Miriam agreed.
'And only just a teensy, weensy bit jealous!' Olga added.
Helga smiled as she yelled back, 'Thanks, guys!'
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