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Retro	By : GeorgeGlass Category: +G through L > Glitch Techs Views: 1705 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Glitch Techs or its characters. I earned no money by writing this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Chapter 2: R.I.P. Player One
Five was still crouching behind the boulder, but he'd taken as good a look around as he could without exposing himself to arrow fire. He didn't know for sure what would happen if he got hit, but he'd spotted one notable feature of the otherwise nondescript landscape: On the top of a hill just behind him was a rectangular hole in the ground and a gray tombstone that read "R.I.P. PLAYER ONE."
Okay, Five thought as the arrows continued whizzing by above his head and on either side of the boulder. I don't know what I need to do to beat this glitch, but it probably isn't hide behind this rock. Time for some recon.
He crept to the edge of the boulder and leaned his head out just enough to peek in the direction the arrows were coming from. About a dozen identical eight-bit "Indians" wearing head-feathers were shooting at him from behind various rocks and cacti. Beyond them, Five spotted someone else: a woman, presumably also "Indian" judging by her copper-toned skin, who was tied to a post.
Now I get it, Five thought. The object of the game must be to rescue her.
He glanced down at his belt, hoping to find an eight-bit six-shooter, but he didn't have so much as a knife.
So my only weapon is my gauntlet. But if I power it up now, I'll be out of juice before I can take down even half these guys. Maybe I can sneak around behind them and take them out in CQC.
Maybe.
***
Miko and Zahra had been dancing for a few minutes now, imitating the shadow dancers in front of them. Some of the moves have been pretty risqué, like running their hands down over their chests and thighs. But these moves seem to earn the most points, so the girls played along.
The song ended, and the girls looked at their scores. Each of them had garnered about a thousand points.
“I don't get it," Miko said, pointing at the blue silhouette in front of her. “I imitated her moves exactly. Why is my score so low?”
"I don't get it either," Zahra replied. "But underneath my score it says 'Multipliers: zero.'"
“Mine too. So how are we supposed to get multipliers?” Miko asked. “Obviously, you don't do it with combos, or we'd probably both have some. And there’s no special items to pick up.”
“I don’t know. This game doesn’t make any sense.”
Zahra glanced at their total score and replied, "Well, we better figure it out, because I doubt we have another forty-nine rounds ahead of us to score the rest of our hundred thousand points."
As if in response to Zahra's comment, the overhead voice spoke.
FIVE ROUNDS REMAINING! PLAYER ONE, CHOOSE THE NEXT SONG!
A list of songs appeared in front of Miko. As soon as she made her selection, the two silhouettes disappeared, vanishing in a cloud of pixels.
“And now this game makes even less sense!” Miko cried. “How are we supposed to score points if we don’t know what moves to make?”
“I guess we just wing it?” Zahra replied.
BEGIN ROUND 2!
The music began to blare. The girls grabbed their poles and started dancing and swinging around them. Soon, it became a genuine competition as each girl tried to show the other a more impressive move than the last.
Miko tried something new and spun rapidly around her pole. She whirled around so fast that one of her gray boots flew off her foot and landed on the floor several feet away.
MULTIPLIER!
"Wait, what?" Miko exclaimed, stopping in her tracks.
Zahra stopped, too, and her eyes widened as she stared at Miko’s lost shoe. Then she looked at Miko.
“O…M…G,” Zahra breathed. Then she shouted over the music at Miko, “You get multipliers for taking your clothes off?”
She kicked off one of her own shoes, sending it flying in the same direction as Miko's. But nothing happened.
"Maybe you have to be dancing when you do it," Miko said.
Knowing that the song would be over soon, the girls resumed dancing. Zahra put her back against her pole and flicked her leg up, artfully kicking off her other shoe and sending it flying in a high arc.
MULTIPLIER!
"I guess that confirms it!" Zahra called.
Miko repeated the pole-swing that had caused her to lose her boot, but it seemed that her other boot was more secure around her foot. So Miko bent forward slowly and sensually and used her hands to push the boot off her foot.
MULTIPLIER!
The song ended. This time, the girls' base scores were a bit higher than before, and they grew a lot higher once the multipliers were applied. Their combined score was just over ten thousand points.
"At least we're doing better," Zahra said.
"Yeah," Miko replied. "But if we've only got four rounds left to make ninety thousand points, we're gonna have to step it up some more."
It was Zahra's turn to pick the next song. Her dark brows knitted as she looked at the options.
"I think," she said, "if we're going to beat this thing, we're going to need to go for maximum raunch. Which may or may not be a word."
"Agreed!" Miko replied. "Pick the most strippable song you can find."
After several seconds, Zahra chose "Cherry Tart" by the British punk-metal fusion band Wasted Space. Then both girls put a hand on their pole.
BEGIN ROUND THREE!
The music started, and right away, Zahra swung around her pole while using her free hand to pluck her gold name tag from her polo shirt. She artfully tossed the tag into the crowd.
MULTIPLIER!
Miko, not to be outdone, tossed her own name tag straight up in the air. On its way down, she bumped it with her hip and sent it into the crowd.
DOUBLE MULTIPLIER!
"All right!" Miko shouted. “You get more points for style!"
She released her pole and shimmied in front of it while slowly pulling her blue-and-white polo shirt up and off, fully exposing the black long-sleeved shirt she wore underneath. She twirled the polo around a few times before tossing it into the crowd, imparting enough spin that the shirt drifted halfway across the room before one of the faceless audience members reached up and caught it.
DOUBLE MULTIPLIER!
“Oh yeah,” Zahra said confidently. “I think we’ve got this!”
“Um, yeah, definitely!” Miko replied.
Until we run out of clothes, she thought.
***
Haneesh, Bergy, and Nix were seated at the poker table across from the three all-green digital girls. Each girl's name now appeared in the air above her head: The blonde one was Tiffany, the brunette was Tori, and the one whose medium-green hair color suggested that she was supposed to be a redhead was named Trixie.
"The game," Tiffany said in a suggestive tone, "is five-card draw."
“Are you guys sure we should be doing this?” Bergy murmured to the other boys.
“Without our gauntlets,” Haneesh whispered back, "it's not like we can power up and blast them. This is our only way to beat these glitches."
A green diamond appeared over the head of Bergy, who was seated between Haneesh and Nix.
"Ante up, lover," Tori said.
Bergy wasn't sure what to do—until two of his chips zipped out of the stack to his right and stopped directly in front of him.
"Um, okay," Bergy said, and pushed the chips toward the middle of the table. The other players did the same.
Trixie, who was sitting to the right of Haneesh, looked at him and purred, "It's your deal, cutie."
Haneesh wasn't sure what to do, given that there was no deck of cards to be seen. But then a black button appeared on the table in front of him. When he pressed it, some unseen mechanism built into the table shuffled the deck and, like a machine gun spinning on a tripod, rapidly fired cards around the table until five face-down cards had slid to a stop on the felt in front of each player.
Haneesh looked at his stack of chips. After his two-chip ante, he only had thirteen of them. Which meant that this game could be over fast, unless there was some aspect of it that he wasn't yet seeing.
"Time to bet," Tiffany said to Bergy.
Bergy had never played poker before and had no idea what to do. Thankfully, right in front of him, he noticed a circular icon with a question mark inside. He touched it, and a green-text document with the heading RULES OF DRAW POKER appeared in the air in front of him. He quickly scrolled through it.
"Um, check," he said.
Nix looked at his hand of cards. He'd been dealt a pair of sevens, a ten, a jack, and a queen. Not great, but not bad.
"I bet two," he said, and pushed two more chips into the middle of the table.
Tori and Tiffany both saw the bet and put in two chips each. Then Trixie said, "I raise" and pushed in four chips.
Bergy groaned. Nix gave him a side-eye glare; apparently, Bergy didn't know that you weren't supposed to do anything that would signal the other players about the strength or weakness of your hand.
Haneesh was too absorbed in his cards to notice this exchange. He had a pair of threes and a pair of eights, which was a good hand in itself and could potentially become a full house.
"I call," he replied, and put in two more chips.
"I fold," Bergy sighed, and put his cards face-down on the table.
Nix called, as did Tori and Tiffany.
"Okay," Haneesh said. He looked past Bergy at Nix and said, "How many cards do you want?"
Nix looked at his hand again. Given that he had five opponents, there was no guarantee that even drawing a third seven would give him the best hand at the table. But the odds of his drawing an eight and a nine, or a nine and a king, to form a straight seemed miniscule.
"I'll take three," he said, placing his ten, jack, and queen face-down and sliding them toward the center of the table.
Haneesh pushed his button, and three new cards slid to a stop in front of Nix. He suppressed a frown as he looked at them: a three, an eight, and a king.
Tori asked for two cards, Tiffany for three, and Trixie for one. Haneesh dealt himself one card also and tried not to grin like an idiot when he saw that it was a three, which gave him a full house of threes over eights.
After Nix folded, Tori and Tiffany bet two, and Trixie raised to four.
"I raise," Haneesh said, pushing eight chips to the center of the table.
"All in," Trixie replied, putting in the last of her chips.
Haneesh pushed the rest of his chips in and said, "I call."
Trixie and Haneesh put their cards on the table. Trixie had three aces, a ten, and a nine. Haneesh grinned as he showed her his full house.
"Well played, sexy," Trixie replied.
Haneesh was sweeping the pile of chips toward himself when Trixie's green blouse vanished, revealing a lacy bra underneath. At the same time, a new stack of chips appeared in front of her.
"That explains it," Haneesh said to no one in particular.
***
By the end of the third round of Pole Dance Revolution, both girls had had stripped off their socks and their long-sleeved black shirts, so now they wore only their bras on top. Zahra's was a satiny white, while Miko's was pink and sported little cartoon robots. Miko still had on her white pants, and Zahra still wore her blue-and-white skirt, black leggings, and white headscarf.
“Oh, boy,” Zahra panted after the music stopped. “If my mom could see me now, she'd ground me until my twenties.”
"You really look like you're having fun up here!" Miko replied. "No offense, but I never would have guessed that you'd be so into something like this."
"You mean because of…" Zahra touched her headscarf.
"Yeah," Miko replied sheepishly.
"I get that. But just between us girls, I've always liked the idea of a bunch of guys watching me be sexy."
"Yeah, me too," Miko replied. "And maybe more than just watching."
PLAYER ONE, CHOOSE THE NEXT SONG!
"Well," Miko said, "I guess that's a good thing, because we're gonna be down to our undies pretty soon."
Zahra grinned and replied, "Bring it on!"
Miko returned the grin, then chose another song with a reputation as a strip-club favorite: "2 Hot 2 Wear a Lot" by Melli.
BEGIN ROUND FOUR!
The music started up, and the girls resumed dancing. Zahra, using one hand to hold onto her pole as she spun around it, used her other hand to artfully unfasten her skirt and toss it into the crowd of male silhouettes around them. The crowd hollered appreciatively.
DOUBLE MULTIPLIER!
Miko found herself wishing she had worn a skirt, too. Because taking off her white pants in a way that was likely to excite the crowd and score points in the game seemed like a whole other level of difficulty.
Then an idea struck her. With all the grace she could muster, Miko widened her stance and bent forward, looking between her legs at the faceless, cheering men behind her. Then she put her hands on the floor, followed by the crown of her head, and raised her legs up until she was in a headstand-split.
Now came the really tricky part. Miko closed her legs and adjusted her position to center her bodyweight perfectly over the center of her scalp.
Here goes, she thought.
She wasn't wearing a belt, and the pants didn't have a button and zipper; they were held up merely by elastic and the width of Miko's hips. So the moment Miko took her hands off the floor so that she was balancing on the crown of her head alone, all she had to do was push the waistband straight up and off her hips. The crowd hooted at the sight of Miko's yellow panties, decorated with little black cat-faces.
Miko started to fall forward, but that was all part of the plan: She tucked her legs and rolled to her feet, her pants now around her knees and then dropping to her ankles as she stood up straight. The shadow-fans applauded as Miko stepped one leg out of her pants and used the other to skillfully kick the discarded garment into the crowd.
TRIPLE MULTIPLIER!
Zahra didn't think she had the kind of borderline-superhuman coordination that Miko had just used to take off her pants, but Miko's maneuver did give her an idea. Zahra slinkily lay down on her back on the floor, pumped her hips upward a few times to the beat of the music, then lifted her legs up while lying on her shoulders and upper back in a candle-like position. This enabled her to peel down her black leggings, revealing what Miko found to be a surprisingly lacy pair of white panties underneath.
MULTIPLIER!
***
Everyone goggled at Bergy as he swept an armful of chips from the center of the table and added it to what had become a considerable pile. As a result of his successes over the past several hands, Bergy was the only one at the table who was still fully clothed; Nix had lost his shirt, and Haneesh, who'd had a run of bad luck after his full-house win, was down to his purple paisley boxers. All three of their pixelated green opponents had lost their blouses, and Tori and Tiffany's skirts had vanished, too.
"Dude," Haneesh said to Bergy, "you are literally beating the pants off all of us. Where did you learn how to play poker?"
"Well…" Bergy replied in his quavering voice, "I can't say that I've actually played before. But this game seems to be mostly about probability, so I've just been doing the math."
Nix was gazing at the bra-slung breasts of Tiffany, but he was still listening to his coworkers' conversation. Normally, when Nix played poker, he relied heavily on his ability to read his opponents' faces to gauge the strength of their hands. But as far as Nix could discern, none of the three glitch-girls had any sort of "tell." It was no wonder that Bergy was having much more success with his purely mathematical approach.
Just then, Nix noticed something odd. Just as Trixie hit the button to deal a new hand of cards, all three girls' eyes flashed a brighter green.
Nix looked at his hand—a jumble of number cards of every suit—and folded immediately. Bergy, Trixie, and Tori each stayed in long enough to exchange some cards, then folded.
This made for a duel between Haneesh and Tiffany. Each of them raised repeatedly, until Tiffany had gone all in. Haneesh called.
They put down their cards. Haneesh had a straight, while Tiffany had only a pair of nines. Haneesh raked in the chips, many of which vanished as the young man's pants reappeared on his body.
"Yes!" he shouted, pumping his fist.
"Oops," Tiffany said in a ditzy voice. "I guess you won that one, hot stuff."
She had been speaking to Haneesh, but her green eyes turned to Bergy—the player sitting directly across from her—at the exact moment that her bra vanished. Bergy's jaw dropped at the site of Tiffany's full, bare breasts.
Monochrome or not, those are AMAZING, the boy thought.
***
Five could barely believe it: By dodging from rock to rock at the right moments and taking out a couple of the eight-bit bad guys by karate-chopping them from behind, he'd made it all the way to where the beautiful Indian princess was tied to the post. It looked like none of the archers had a shot at him here; in fact, they didn't even turn around, instead continuing to shoot in the same direction as before. So now Five could focus on rescuing the princess.
Having gotten this close to her, Five noticed something that had eluded his eyes before: Unlike everything else in this meta-mapped world, the Indian princess wasn't a pixelated eight-bit object. On the contrary, she was rendered in considerable detail: the luster of her long black hair; her fine-featured face with its dark eyes; the deep cleavage created by her fringed buckskin crop top; the sexy oval of her navel; her short buckskin skirt, which clung to her broad hips; her long, tawny legs; and even her fleece-lined moccasins, each of which was decorated with a few colorful beads. And when Five's gaze moved back up to the woman's face, he saw a glint in her deep-black eyes.
"Just hang on a sec," Five said to the princess. "I'll get you down from there."
His costume didn't appear to come with a knife, or anything else Five could use to cut the ropes. So he found the knot behind her back and started trying to untie it. But as it turned out, unknotting a blocky eight-bit rope wasn't easy.
"Don't worry…princess," Five said as he struggled with the knot. "I'll have you free…in no time…"
"Free?" the woman replied. Then she chuckled. "You're a sweet young cowboy, but you're not supposed to rescue me."
She licked her full lips and added, "You're supposed to have your way with me."
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