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Huge Junior	By : Obstinatural Category: +G through L > The Loud House Views: 1914 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own the properties discussed in this fictional story, they are all owned by the creators of the Loud house. This is written for entertainment purposes only and any actions done by the characters are NOT condoned by the author.

Chapter List
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Lupa quite liked Hugh Jr.’s place.
Her dumbass mom decided it would be cool as all hell to buy a haunted house and then raise a daughter in it. It was somehow built atop a Native American burial ground, an unethical sanitarium, a slaughterhouse, and an old Royal Palm’s Video Rental store. So pretty much a fractal pattern ouroboros double reach-around of nightly ghostly shenanigans.
Which honestly doesn’t bother Lupa so much since she isn’t a huge dumbass bitch like her mom. Lupa doesn’t believe in ghosts because that’s stupid.
What does bother Lupa is how drafty the century old building is, and how she wakes up in the middle of the night because her mom is too much of a cheap whore to hire someone to fix their thermostat.
All it really means to her is that she can’t really invite her friends over for sleepovers, which would be a shame if she had any friends.
Hugh’s house was brand-spanking new. It has this awfully pleasant drywall scent to it, the couches were springy and not soaked in dog piss and ass sweat, and Hugh even had a fucking pool and a hottub. Auntie Leni house is almost as cool and has a pool, but that jackass Lyle, his annoying little sister, and his killjoy titty-monster of a sister live there.
Hugh Jr. and Lulu live here, and Lupa claims to be ambivalent to both of them. Which is saying a lot, coming from her. Out of all her cousins she probably got along with them the best, probably because Hugh is pretty much the total opposite of every knuckle-dragging boy she’s ever had the misfortune to interact with and Lulu is pretty chill for the most part.
Lupa crossed over to the living room and nonchalantly tossed her backpack onto the massage chair that Aunt Lisa got as a gift last Christmas from Auntie Lola that probably cost as much as a new 4-door sedan, completely ignoring how the metal studs and spikes dug into the patent leather. She then stood in front of the baby and eyed her down, the white haired girl letting a small smile grace her usual sourpus face.
Lulu sat on a plastic booster seat, so enraptured with her work that she didn’t notice Lupa busting open the back door and slamming it behind her with a kick of her heel. But as soon as Lupa blocked the baby’s line of sight with the huge television set Lulu gently sat down her crayon and slowly looked up at Lupa’s cocked smile.
Lupa raised her chin slightly as if to say “wassup” and Lulu reacted with her own greeting of slightly raising her shoulders as if to say “not much”.
Lulu gets a bad rap from her other cousins as being kinda “hard to deal with”, this is probably because they never had to put up with a mom who thought it was the most mysterious and coolest thing ever to keep almost all communication to nonverbal micro mannerisms. Compared to what Lupa has had to deal with, Lulu might as well be an annoying chatterbox, but the little pants-shitting goblin was kinda cool.
Once you got to know her.
Lupa slipped her hands into the pockets of her hoodie and bobbed her head. Lulu slowly popped her pacifier out of her mouth and reached over to grab a turned over bottle that was slowly leaking fluid, soaking the bottom pages of her coloring book. She nursed the bottle idly while giving Lupa her undivided attention.
“Whatcha sippin on, pipsqueak?” Lupa asked, she bent down a bit to meet Lulu as an equal, “You’re really hitting that shit hard.”
Lulu stopped slamming the bottle and let out a tiny burp before slowly offering the almost empty bottle to Lupa.
Lupa took the bottle from the baby’s hands and slammed her butt on the couch, the sudden movement got Lulu to bring her tiny arms up.
The girl held the bottle aloft to inspect the liquid inside, “Nah, thanks for the offer but this looks like half backwash. Plus-“ Lupa positioned the bottle back to Lulu’s mouth who latched onto it like a magnet, “Dairy gives me the runs if I have too much of it.”
Lulu finished up the bottle and gently sat it on the plastic tray in front of her, setting it on top of her little kid friendly tablet. It hit some buttons and the TV was muted again. Lulu took a deep content breath through her nose and turned to Lupa after shoving her pacifier back into her mouth.
“I sure as shit hope that Aunt Lisa packed you enough to last the next three days,” Lupa sat her dirty skate shoes that she wore despite not knowing how to skate onto the coffee table and idly stared at the fuck-off huge television set, “These tits of mine haven’t come in yet, and I’m not about to let you get to second base without buying me dinner first…”
Lulu idly flipped open her book to a fresh page and started scribbling, tilting her head slightly as she gave her pacifier a single, meager, squeak.
Lupa raised her eyebrows and found her eyesight drifting up to the skylight of the living room, “Ouch, no need to be a bitch about it! It’s not like I wanna be some fucked up titty-monster like my slut of a mom or something.” Lupa felt her chest with a slight frown, “I mean, they came in for Aunt Lynn after high school, C’s are still passing! I’m just a late bloomer or some shit!”
Lulu handed a black crayon to Lupa who took it with a sigh.
Lulu has opted to scribble on black hair and a black dress onto a queen who was currently knighting a silver haired knight who knelt before a golden throne.
Lupa shook her head, “Nah, like this…”
Lupa drew two huge watermelon sized boobs onto the queen’s chest and drew over her smile with a single black line. She then gave the queen a talk bubble that read “SIGH, I’M A STUPID BITCH WITH USELESS HUGE TITS”.
Lulu scribbled yellow details on the knight’s armor and copied Lupa, drawing an oblong circle above the knight’s head with a bunch of scribbles inside of it.
Lupa rolled her eyes and set the black crayon onto the tray, “I would never say that, not even for, like, a million fucking dollars.”
Lulu grabbed the crayon with two hands and spat the pacifier onto the tray.
“Okay, maybe if she promised not to record it and gave me back my fucking laptop…” Lupa relented.
Hugh Jr. stood inside the kitchen, waiting for a good opportunity to walk in. He quite enjoyed how swimmingly Lupa and Lulu got along, the two of them were able to actually communicate. Unlike his other cousins, Lupa actually listens to the baby and doesn’t just imagine what Lulu is trying to convey through pure projection. Though, he oftentimes wondered why Lulu was never that open with things as much as she was with Lupa. It was probably an idiosyncrasy that younger siblings had with their older ones, and he tried to not let it get to him.
Hugh finished drying off his feet and threw on his socks and shoes, and entered into the living room. Deciding to sit on the massage chair to give the two of them some space.
Lupa shot the boy a bemused look as he toweled off the bottom of his pant legs with a dishrag, “You fall into the pool or something? You might wanna get your mom to buy you some new glasses.”
“Er…” Hugh Jr. adjusted his glasses as he started to dry off his slightly damp wrists, “I submerged my wrists and ankles to cool down a bit, just a little bit of coldness on your pulse can do well to calm the body down. I am quite excited at the prospect of spending the weekend with you, Lupa. I did not want my over-exuberance to cause you any second-hand embarrassment.”
A spike of ooey-goey lame-ass feelings threatened to burst in her head, but luckily the sheer lameness of Hugh Jr. and they way he just casually admitted all that got her to drown them out with a mocking chortle, “Whatever, turbo-nerd. I get it, you don’t really gotta worry about embarrassing me or anything. Remember when Auntie Leni dressed you up like a little sailor boy for last year’s Christmas cards?”
Hugh simply nodded, “Yes, I suppose I did look very dashing and manly. I am told that I look handsome in uniform…” Hugh Jr. idly scratched his chin in contemplation, “But I cannot help but worry that me dressing like a rugged sailor is me stealing valor from our armed forces who keep our oceans protected…”
“You looked like a total chode, Hugh.” Lupa rolled her eyes and brought up the portrait on her phone to show to Hugh, “Like some Victorian dandy boy who perfumes their butthole.”
Hugh got up to look at Lupa’s cracked screen, he adjusted his glasses with a confident smile, “Ah! The very picture of masculinity! To be sailing the seven seas! Protecting our shores from disaster! Ensuring that our trade routes are all secure!” Hugh took a seat next to Lupa and kicked his feet in the air, “I find myself in awe whenever Father regales me of the heroic stories of our Great Pop-Pop, what a character!”
“Okay, Hugh, that was the lamest shit I’ve ever heard in my life. The Navy doesn’t even fucking do anything, and I’m pretty sure he was a pilot or something. Great Pop-Pop spent his days traveling the world, banging people’s wives and stirring up trouble. The only thing he was protecting was his dick, until he didn’t and knocked up Great-Grandma’s mom.” Lupa shoved her phone back into her hoodie with a sigh, “That’s the thing about having kids, it either turns you into a lame-ass chode or a kill-joy bitch…”
Hugh Jr. tilted his head in confusion, “So, a chode is something with a negative connotation?”
“Uh, yeah?” Lupa threw her hands up in frustration, “It means ‘little dick’!”
Hugh blinked, “Great Pop-Pop has a small penis? Dad too?” Hugh scratched his head, “Er, excuse me. I need to use the restroom.”
Lupa watched Hugh timidly grab his own tablet from the television console to slink away to the downstairs bathroom, his cheeks flushed.
Lupa gave him a cocky smile, “Need me to hold it for you while you pee-pee?”
Hugh Jr. stopped in his tracks, mid-search on his internet browser. Lupa started sweating, wondering if Hugh was ballsy enough to call her bluff.
“Ah, no. I should be able to get an accurate measurement myself…” Hugh mumbled to himself as he entered the bathroom.
“Boys, the only thing they give a shit about is dicks…”, Lupa stared at the close door and found herself fanning her face before turning to Lulu, “Is he always like tha-“
The plastic booster seat was vacant.
“Fuck.”
Lupa got up and cracked her back before yelling up into the ceiling, “You up in those vents, Lulu? Because, if so…”
Lupa walked over to her backpack and unplugged the spikes from the seat's leather to zip her bag open.
“I got something for you… hehe…” Lupa held aloft a small glass bottle sealed tight with silver tape, “Got the ol’ recipe from Aunt Luan’s old website…”
Lupa donned a gas mask that she pilfered from the attic, a remnant of Lucy’s industrial goth phase. She had to buy new filters online, but it was worth it. The harsh LED lights illuminated the contents of the perfume vial, causing it to glow the color of incredibly dehydrated piss. The light caught the faint outlines of the particulates that floated menacingly in the bottom.
“If this doesn’t flush you out of there, it’s definitely gonna knock your ass out.” Lupa got on top of the couch to speak into the vent, “I know we’re cool and all, but I gotta be a bitch since I’m your babysitter. So if you wanna blame anyone blame your mom.”
“My penis length and girth is actually quite substantial for my age.” Hugh caught Lupa with two hands as she flailed her hands about and fell from the top of the couch, “And I have my suspicions that my photo isn’t as bad as you claim it to be if you have it set as your phones wallpaper-“
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, HUGH!” Lupa got up from the floor with beet-red cheeks and looked at the perfume bottle in her hand with a sigh of relief, “Oh thank fucking Christ, it didn’t break…”
It took a moment for Hugh to get the soft scent of Lupa’s shampoo off of his mind and he slowly got up to watch Lupa scramble to the top of the couch.
He took a look at the empty booster seat and checked his tablet after pressing some buttons, “Er. Lupa. Lulu isn’t in the-“
The bitter smell of decaying corpse, circus peanuts, dirty belly button, and Midnite Vulture scented Sickle body spray assailed his nose.
“OH! ACCURSED OPPENHEIMER DOWN IN HADES, LULU! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!”
The boy quickly plugged his nose but started hacking up horrible coughs as he started to taste the smell.
“Oh fuck. I got some on me! FUCK!” Lupa blinked and whipped tiny particulates of the stink-bomb spray from her face with a sleeve of her hoodie, she probably shouldn’t have sprayed it into a vent that was issuing cool air conditioned air right back into the room.
The two of them rushed out into the kitchen, Lupa kicked open the door. Lupa quickly took off her jacket and threw it onto an empty reclining pool chair and leapt into the pool. Hugh Jr. followed behind her, but stopped right on the edge. He jogged in place and could swear he could hear a multitude of voices from the cerulean water. He unplugged his nose and could smell whatever Lupa sprayed all over the living room and let out a scream. He quickly took his cellphone out of his pocket and tossed it on top of Lupa’s jacket before cannonballing right into the pool.
He kept a tight vice grip on his glasses and let himself sink deep into the pool. He opened his eyes and found relief from the stinging of the chlorine, way less abrasive than the fumes from Lupa’s concoction. He looked up to see two pearly white legs scrambling around in panic.
Hugh quickly re-emerged and dragged a panicking Lupa out of the pool, getting a sock to his nose in the process.
The two of them panted in unison on the hard floor around the pool. Only the sounds of wind chimes and the distant hum of a blender could be heard in the quiet neighborhood.
“Fuck. I’m sorry about hitting you, Hugh! I just- Shit!” Lupa spoke fast, her adrenaline hitting its maximum threshold.
“It’s perfectly fine, Lupa.” Hugh took a deep breath and let himself slowly recline into the flagstone patio, the cloudless sky letting the afternoon sun’s rays warm him up, “I’m just glad Lulu was out of the house for that.”
“Oh, well that would have been fucking nice to know.” Lupa got up and grumbled as she started wringing moisture out from her clothes.
“I should have probably been a bit more forceful, my apologies.” Hugh slowly got up and walked over to the pool chair, stopping dead in his tracks five feet away, “Quite the potent solution. I can smell it from here. What exactly was that spray?”
“Aunt Luan’s Side-Splitting Stink Solution.” Lupa grumbled as she plugged her nose and stomped towards the chair, “I’m gonna slash her tires or something…”
“I take it she didn’t provide any counter measures?” Hugh asked, he quickly went over to see if there were any spare towels in the counter by the grills but could only find a roll of paper towels.
“You already know what that crazy bitch is like.” Lupa almost gagged as she retrieved her cellphone from her jacket pocket, she set it next to Hugh’s before she dunked the hoodie into the pool.
“Well…” Hugh quietly walked over to Lupa and offered her the roll of paper towels, she took an ample amount of sheets and started to dry her hair, “At least it didn’t sink into our pores, a shame about the jacket. I would probably stop handling it without personal protective equipme-“
Lupa immediately stopped wringing the jacket and let it float away, she gave a quick smell of her hands and sighed in relief. It wasn’t that bad now.
“I can probably synthesize an ozone based air freshener and fumigator if I can access my spare lab over at Dad’s, but in the meantime we should focus on locating Lulu.” Hugh started scaling up the rope ladder that led up to his treehouse.
“Oh right,” Lupa got up from the floor and threw the wet paper towels into the pool without a care, she casually scaled the ladder behind him, “I keep on forgetting your some weird baby genius. I was halfway worried we’d have to sleep in the backyard or something.”
The two children found their way into Hugh Jr.’s treehouse, a deceptively simple wooden affair that wouldn’t look out of place from any other backyard.
Yet, when Hugh Jr. flicked on a light switch the interior of the treehouse came to life. The nondescript large table in the middle blinked and flashed, to reveal itself as a large television monitor. The hatch that led down to the base of the tree closed itself. Ambient dark green lighting that seemed to seep through the wood paneling of the walls pulsed lightly. In one corner of the room was a small workspace adorned with pulsating machinery that hummed to life and blinked with different colors, a ray-gun looking device sat halfway disassembled while a 3-D printer started spitting out new parts for it. The tape deck of a vintage hi-if set up turned on and soon instrumental east coast beats issued from an unseen sound system. Lupa took a seat on one of the cushioned milk crates and inspected the framed blown out photos of New York that Hugh took on Dad’s old film camera.
“Whoa, holy shit.” Lupa blinked as she took it all in, “I had no idea your dorky little treehouse was this fucking pimping.”
Hugh quickly crossed over to the dry bar into the corner and opened up the lime green mini fridge to withdraw two crispy bottles of Barx’s Root Beer.
“Yes,” Hugh popped one of the bottles on the windowsill that looked over the quiet neighborhood and handed it over to Lupa.
“It is quite pimpin’.”
Hugh let his shoulders finally relax for the first time today and let out a content sigh. He did very much like his house and had no quarrel with his mother or his sister, but having his own little space has proven to be a quite enjoyable way to spend his Leisure Time. Much like his mother who grew up working in a subterranean lab separated from the house, Hugh decided to carve his own little space in the sky.
Or at least a good two and a half stories in the sky.
“According to satellite data-“ Hugh took a tiny wireless keyboard on top of the monitor desk and clicked a few buttons, “It seems like Lulu is still in the neighborhood. Which is very nice of her, lately our games of Hide and Seek have been burgeoning in scope lately. I suspect she is just burning off excess energy to take a nap after dinner.”
Lupa took her soggy shoes off of the monitor and leaned forward to inspect the screen. A couple feeds from various doorbell cameras and security camera feeds showed recent activity of a tiny blue blur racing on top of power lines and peeking into windows. A large map of the southern section of Royal Woods took up the majority of the screen, dozens of pips decorated the map. One in particular seemed to move around erratically, jumping around while the majority of them rested silently.
“Fuck.” Lupa let her eyes drift to Aunt Lisa’s house and noticed two blips in the backyard, she quickly checked her body for any hard lumps, “Where the hell is the chip? I swear to god, Hugh, I’m gonna kill your crazy ass mom one of these days…”
Hugh smiled to himself as he walked over to the workshop in the corner and set his drink onto the desk to fiddle with the toy gun.
“Chip?” Hugh shook his head, “Mother doesn’t use those anymore, messes with cell phone reception. She doesn’t need a tracking chip to figure out where we are. I wouldn’t think too hard about it, it’s a bit distressful.”
Lupa stopped feeling up her ass and squinted her eyes at the monitor, “How the fuck can she track us without a chip?”
Lupa turned to Hugh and her eyeballs almost popped out of their sockets as he pointed what looked like a fucking death ray out the window, “Jesus! I thought we were just gonna catch Lulu! Not kill her!”
Hugh blinked and slowly lowered the fluorescent blue gun down, “Uh? Negative, I am not planning on using the Flippee-ator on Lulu. I'm simply calibrating the sights to about 200 feet with Miss Jordan's gaudy windchimes as a reference.” He held the gun to his head to scratch his scalp with the barrel, “And I doubt it would prove to be effective against Lulu’s innately robust metabolic responses.”
He walked over back to the mini fridge to withdraw a ice tray and filled it with a water bottle from the fridge, “This cheap mini fridge I purchased on a whim with my New Year’s Eve money proved to be a bit of a bust-“ He set the now filled tray on top of the fridge and pulled the trigger on it, a ray of blue light hit it and the sound of ice popping and forming filled the room, “No freezer section.”
“Oh, then how about you say that instead of just pointing what looked like a death ray around.” Lupa rolled her eyes, “Gonna give me a fucking heart attack.”
Hugh popped a few ice cubes into a small foam cup and poured his rootbeer into it, he gave a small nod, “Noted.” He held up the blue gun in the air, “For future reference: the blue ray gun is the Flippee-ator,” He pointed up to a similar looking red pistol that sat completed on top of one of the speaker cabinets, “The red ray gun is the Atom Exciter. Street name: Death Ray.”
Lupa quickly lept from her milk crate and almost skipped towards the gun, she snatched it and pointed it out the window, “Howdoesitwork?”
Hugh almost spat his drink back out in the cup and quickly set it down, “Don’t pull the trigger! It’s only set on testing mode right now. The most you’ll do is denature someone’s telomeres a bit and give them a tummy ache…”
Lupa groaned and handed the gun back to Hugh, “Well? What are you waiting for? Fix it!”
Hugh took a deep breath and considered the possible problems that might arise from handing a death ray to Lupa Loud.
“Do you promise to only use it to defend yourself or defend your mother’s honor?”
“I’ll fucking promise anything,” Lupa gripped Hugh Jr.’s shoulders and brought him closer, their noses touched and her eyes were filled with single-minded desire, “I’ll do your laundry, let you touch my boobs, I’ll even bark like a dog while you touch my boobs. Just-“ Her breath was hot on his face, “Give me a fucking death ray.”
Hugh Jr. couldn’t argue with her pleas, and he figured he wasn’t supposed to be arguing with Lupa at all since his mother left her in charge. He simply nodded and fiddled with the controls a bit before handing it off.
Lupa giggled and jumped in joy, cradling the toy gun like it was a newborn baby.
“I fucking like-like you so much Hugh!” Lupa gave the gun a tiny kiss, “This is the nicest thing anyone has ever given me!"
Hugh Jr. returned the hug. He then quickly stood at attention and adjusted his glasses, "Right now I have it set to level 1, the most that it can do is vaporize about a palm-sized hole into reinforced steel. Please keep in mind that the Atom Exciter is not effective against aluminum foil, and that any vapors inhaled might cause quantum introjection feedback. If you wish for me to lessen the restrictions I can help you gain enough prowess to justify the-"
Lupa opened up the window and chugged the remnants of her root beer, she idly tossed the bottle into the air and lined it up. She pulled the trigger with a burp.
"I feel so powerful. Like I can do anything!" Lupa turned around and laughed maniacally.
Hugh Jr. felt himself start giving her a tasteful golf clap, a pavlovian response to his own mother's laughter.
Lupa calmed down and shot Hugh a knowing smirk, "Lessons? Hugh, if you wanna hang out more just say it. Quit making all these fucking excuses."
Hugh smiled, "Yes, I would like to spend more time with you. I never really was a good liar, especially with you."
Hugh walked back to the monitor and laughed.
He looked up at the blushing Lupa who pretended to focus on the gun to hide her red cheeks.
"I'm glad that you enjoy that little gift, if I knew that you would prove to be such a fan of my inventions I would have given you that Atom Exciter instead of that skateboard last Christmas." Hugh shook his head and laughed, "Hindsight is 20/20, I suppose. In any case-"
Hugh pointed at 1216 Franklin Avenue and Lupa cleared her throat and walked over to peer over his shoulder.
"It looks like Lulu is terrorizing Cousin Loan this evening. I'd give them another 15 minutes so Cousin Loan could get some exercise for a change, but I'm afraid she might pass out if father is unable to attend to her."
"Heh." Lupa was able to shake off her guilt of never actually learning how to skateboard with schadenfreude over Loan's blip frantically bouncing around her house, "I at least wanna watch her going insane, you good to go?"
Hugh quickly got his spare messenger bag ready because he knew that Lupa already started leaving the tree house.
The two of them descended onto level ground with light feet, looking forward to spending time with their Cousin Loan.
Lupa idly wondered if Loan would get so out of breath that she'd vomit herself, and Hugh Jr. thought it would be interesting to see how Loan would handle the situation without anyone to provide her assistance.
The two of them skipped over the smoking remains of a glass bottle, completely ignoring everyone on Hugh's street exiting their houses to figure out where the hell that smell was coming from.
Unfortunately, Lupa is to be in charge this whole weekend. And this will prove to be the least of the neighborhood's troubles.
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Huge Junior