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What She'd Been Missing	By : Trillhouse Category: +G through L > The Loud House Views: 8870 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Loud House, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Well, this one certainly took a while, and I'm sorry for the wait.
In a very short amount of time, my fics have received far more attention than I'm used to (on fanfiction.net, at least)... I'm immensely grateful to those who have commented, favorited and followed, as well as those who simply read my works without doing any of the above. I hope I can continue to live up to your expectations.
Also, I'll be answering some of the questions I've gotten at the end of this chapter, which I'll continue to do as long as I get questions I can answer. (Note that these questions come from Fanfiction.net)
Lastly, if you want to see my art you can check me out as trillhouse-lh on Tumblr (Preferred, as I post art there that I don't post on DA), or as TrillhouseLH on Deviantart. I'm also on Archive of Our Own and Fanfiction.net under the name Trillhouse. Ao3 in particular will have illustrations to some of my chapters, although they likely will not be included when the chapter first goes up.
Please enjoy the continuing tale of Loan Loud!

It was just past one in the morning when Carol Pingrey's car pulled up to 1216 Franklin Avenue. In truth, she was probably just a little too tipsy to be driving, but she'd managed just fine… besides, someone needed to take her friend home, and there was no chance in hell she was going to trust any of the boys that had offered. Not when she was in this state. "Alright, Lori," She sighed. "We're here. Go sleep this off, okay?"
"Fffffuck you, Carol…" Lori slurred as she sat in the passenger's seat, pouting childishly. "Cut me off? I'll cut you off… dumb little… blonde!" Carol simply rolled her eyes; as much as Lori pretended to be mature for her age, she knew fully well that tonight was the first time her friend had tasted so much as a drop of booze. It was absurd how quickly she'd gotten wasted, too… just minutes after her first shot of whisky, she had already begun slurring her words. The five others she'd had after that did nothing to help matters, nor did the two beers she'd had after that. Once she started grabbing random boys by the crotch, Carol knew it was time to get the girl home.
"Yes, I know, I'm a bitch." Carol replied sarcastically as she reached over and released Lori's seatbelt for her. "Go on, now. You've got a long trip in the morning, remember?"
"…Oh yeeeahhh!" Lori giggled for no reason in particular. "I goin'a… college! WOO!" She threw her hands up in celebration, smacking them against the roof of Carol's car. Carol groaned and put her car in park before getting out and walking around to the passenger side. Normally, Lori was a pretty responsible girl, but Carol could hardly blame her for wanting to celebrate a bit… after all, come tomorrow she would be starting a whole new chapter in life.
Lori practically flopped right out of her seat when her friend opened the door, and Carol needed to hoist her to her feet, using her shoulder to support the drunk girl. "Alright… c'mon, Lori. Let's get you inside." She half-dragged her friend to the door, taking the keys from her purse and unlocking it for her. "You go sleep this off, okay?"
"Don't tell me what to do, Carrrol…" Lori grunted, yanking her purse out of her friend's grasp. "Little fuckin'… goody-two-shhhhoes…" Carol rolled her eyes.
"Love you too, Lori. You take care of yourself, okay?"
"Whateverrr…" Lori huffed, shutting the door; thankfully, even in her inebriated state she knew better than to slam it. The house was dark and quiet, which made sense considering the late hour.
Lori lurched her way up the stairs, nearly falling more than once. Quite frankly, she was too wired to go to sleep, even if she did have a long drive in the morning… she wanted to stay up. She wanted to keep drinking. She'd never felt so giddy in her life, and she wanted to enjoy it for as long as possible.
She paused at the top of the stairs, teetering back and forth unsteadily. She nearly fell backwards down the staircase, but thankfully managed to catch herself on the banister. "Oopshiesh…" She giggled drunkenly before another hiccup escaped her throat. She shambled her way down the hall, making it all the way to Lincoln's door before realizing she'd gone the wrong way. Although, as long as she was here… she may as well check in on her little brother, right?
"Heeey, Linkyyy~!" Lori drawled cheerfully as she entered, not even bothering to knock. Lincoln groaned, shifting at the sudden intrusion.
"Nnn…" He grunted as he leaned up slightly, blinking the sleep out of his eyes as he glanced at his visitor. "Lori…" He muttered as the blurry shape of his sister came into focus. "What're you…?"
"I wanted to shee you, Linky!" Lori staggered over to her brother's bed and slumped over onto it, dropping her purse along the way. "How're ya doooin'?"
Lincoln sighed, glancing over at his clock. "Lori, do you have any idea what time it is…?" He mumbled, making no attempt to hide the irritation in his voice.
"Psssh…" Lori scoffed, waving her hand dismissively. "Who caresh about that?" Lincoln covered his nose and mouth, letting out a small cough; even he could recognize the overbearing smell of alcohol on her breath.
"I do." Lincoln huffed before turning onto his side. "Go to bed, Lori. You're drunk." Lori frowned at her little brother's indifference.
"But, Linkyyy…" She sniffed. "I'm gonna mish youuu…" Lincoln bristled slightly. It was still hard to believe that come tomorrow, Lori wouldn't be around anymore; she'd quite literally been in his life since he was born. Their relationship had always been a bit unusual… in many ways she was the sister he was closest with, and yet she was also the one he butted heads with the most often. She could be bossy, overbearing, and downright mean at times, but he knew she meant well. He'd never admit it out loud, but Lori was like a second mother to him… and she'd never admit it out loud, but Lincoln was like the son she hoped she'd have in the future.
"…I'm gonna miss you too, Lori." Lincoln said quietly.
"No yer noooooot!" Lori whined. "Y'hate me juuuus like erryone elsh…" Lincoln winced as he heard her begin sobbing softly. He knew it was just the alcohol making her emotional… but still, he could never bear to see one of his sisters cry.
"I don't hate you, Lori… I love you. We all do." With a sigh, he rolled over to face her. "C'mere," He said as he held his arms open for a hug. Lori immediately threw herself onto him, awkwardly embracing him and blubbering inelegantly into his chest.
"I'mma jus' mish ya soooo much…!" Lori bawled. Lincoln rolled his eyes, gently patting his big sister's back.
"There, there. It's alright." Lincoln muttered in as soothing of a voice as he could muster, given the late hour. "I'll still call… and you're only gonna be three hours away. We can see each other whenever, right?" Lori sniffled, wiping at her damp eyes.
"I-I guesh…" Lori mumbled, hugging him a bit tighter. "…Y'give th' besht hugs, y'know that…? Yer like… hugman."
"Uh… good to know, I guess. You alright now?
Lori gave a small nod. She pulled out of the hug, glancing down at her younger brother. It was kind of jarring to the drunken girl just how much he had grown under the years. She'd never really noticed before, but he was getting taller, his features more defined. "Yer growin' too fasht, Linky…" She slurred. "Ushed ta hold ya when y'were jus' a lil' baaaby…"
"Yes, Lori. I know." Lincoln yawned. Lori stared at him with half-lidded eyes, her head teetering back and forth slightly; for some time, neither said anything. "Ssssoooo…" Lincoln coughed, averting his eyes. "You… gonna go to bed?" Lori snapped out of her daze.
"O-oh… yeah…" Lori gave him a little shove. "Move overrr, Linky…" She mumbled.
"Alright, alright… geeze." Lincoln groaned and scooted aside. "As long as you sleep, okay?" Lori giggled and slid under the covers beside him. She fidgeted around for a moment, before kicking her shoes out to the floor. Lincoln simply sighed, rolling back onto his side. "Goodnight, Lori."
Lori rolled onto her side and wrapped her arm around Lincoln, hugging him tightly against her chest. She gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. "You're literally shooo undershtanding, Linky… why can't aaaalll guys be like you…?" Lincoln blushed slightly and squirmed in her grip. He could feel something soft pressing against his back… two somethings, in fact. He'd shared a bed with Lori in the past, but he was twelve now, and things were starting to get… awkward.
"Lori, knock it off… just go to sleep, okay?" He grunted.
"C'mooon…" She cooed. "Yer my shpeshul lil' guy…" Lori only hugged him tighter, nuzzling her face into his hair. "We neverrr talk no more, Linky… what'sh been goin' on? Any giiirlfriends?"
"…No." Lincoln let out a small sigh; clearly, she wasn't going to be a cooperative bedmate tonight. Still, he wasn't about to kick her out, so he figured he may as well play along until she conked out. "So… how was the party?" Lincoln asked.
"Th' besht!" She exclaimed a little too loudly, making her brother flinch. "Booze ish like, literally th' besht. Yer gonna love it."
"Y-yeah… I bet." Lincoln muttered. He sincerely hoped he'd never get this bad, but then again his parents were hardly any different than Lori. Perhaps it just ran in the family.
"Shtupid Carol…" Lori grumbled. "Tellin' me I had enough… s'right I've had enough… enough of lil' missh… perfect!"
"Pretty sure that's called being a good friend, Lori." Her brother replied. "You're kind of a mess."
"Never been better," Lori scoffed. "Shtoppin' me jus' 'cause I was grabbin' on some dudes…"
Lincoln cocked an eyebrow. "You… what, now?"
"Jus' havin' some fun!" Lori complained. "But noooo, 'pparently that'sh such a problem…"
"I don't think Bobby would like that, Lori…" Lincoln said quietly. Lori frowned.
"What, y'gonna tell on me?"
"No…" Lincoln muttered. "Just saying… that's kinda messed up, y'know?"
"Oh, come on, Lincoln… don't mean nuffin'. Jus' a little…" Suddenly, Lori reached down and cupped her little brother's junk, giving it a gentle squeeze. Lincoln yelped, swatting her hand away and scrambling free from her grasp. He backed up against the wall, staring at his sister with wide eyes.
"What the hell, Lori?!" Lincoln snapped, his face red as a tomato. "Don't do that!"
"Oh, shtop bein' sucha baby…" Lori giggled. "That was nuffin'."
"I-it wasn't nothing!" Lincoln stammered. "It was something! It was a very big something!"
"Well, I wouldn' shay very big…" Lori teased. Lincoln just stared at her in horror; nobody had ever touched him there before… let alone one of his sisters. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves. She's drunk, he reminded himself. She doesn't know what she's doing.
"…I think you should go sleep in your own room, Lori." Lincoln huffed. Lori's face fell slightly.
"Noooo, c'mooon…" She whined. "'M shorry, Lincoln… I won't do it again, okay? I jusssht really wanna shtay wif ya t'night…" She bit her lip slightly, looking as though she may cry again. Lincoln groaned, burying his face in his palm. Why, why did he have to be so caring?
"Okay… okay, fine. But no more of that," He said in a serious tone. "I mean it."
"I promishe… thank you, Linky~" She giggled again. Lincoln rolled his eyes and lay back down beside her. Once again, she hugged him close to her chest. He figured it best not to fight her on this… besides, he had to admit that being held like this was kind of comforting; doubly so when Lori began idly stroking his stomach. Soon, he found himself growing drowsy.
Lori, however, wore a mischievous smirk on her face. She knew what she'd felt… the slight stiffness of her brother's 'little friend'. He really had grown, hadn't he? It felt like just yesterday that she was changing the boy's diapers. And now, he was already starting to become a man.
Lori hiccupped again. She'd wanted a man tonight. Lori had always been faithful to Bobby, but, well, she was drunk. On top of that, she was a bit mad at the boy for not making it out to the party. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew this was unfair to him… he had been busy preparing things for her arrival, after all. But, again… drunk.
Lori's smirk only deepened as she ran her fingers across Lincoln's taut stomach; she could feel the faintest hint of developing abs through his skin. In her inebriated state, she stopped seeing him as her brother…
…Instead, she saw him as exactly what she'd been looking for.
Slowly, Lori slid her hand up his pajama top. Lincoln jumped as he felt her cool fingers graze his stomach. He turned his head slightly, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. "Lori… what're you doing…?"
"Sssshhhh… don't woooorry about it, little bro…" Lori cooed. Lincoln shuddered as his sister began tracing her fingers around his abs. It tickled a bit, but definitely felt good. Still… he couldn't deny it was making him a bit uncomfortable.
"Lori, knock it off…" Lincoln grumbled as he tried to pull her hand away, but she simply squeezed him a bit tighter. Lincoln could hear her giggle softly, realizing her mouth was right beside his head… and then, she gently bit his ear. "Lori?!" Lincoln gasped, his cheeks going bright red. "K-knock it off!" But Lori wasn't listening; she simply continued nibbling the young boy's ear, sliding her slender fingers down his belly.
And then, he felt her fingertips push past his waistband.
"Lor-" Lincoln began, only to give a shocked yelp as his sister's hand wrapped around his most private area.
"Well, lookit that…" Lori said with a low chuckle. "Yer a lil' perv, ain'tcha? Gettin' all worked up over yer shishter…" Lincoln let out a strangled cry as she began to move her hand, her soft skin caressing him in a way he never could.
"L-Lori, stop…!" Lincoln hissed, trying in vain to pull the older girl's hand off of him; puberty or not, she was still far stronger than him.
"Relaaax… s'nice, right…?" Lori murmured in his ear.
"J-just… stop…" Lincoln whimpered. "Please… I-I don't… want this…"
"Shure feelsh like y'do…" Lori teased. Lincoln squeezed his eyes shut as he began tearing up. It wasn't like he could help it… her hand did feel amazing. But he didn't want this. Not like this.
Not with Lori.
For her part, Lori couldn't help but delight in her brother's frightened gasps and moans. It reminded her of her first time with Bobby. The boy had been so nervous, he hadn't even been able to finish. Not that it stopped her… quite frankly, she'd found his reactions to her touch to be downright adorable; Lincoln's no less so.
But she wanted more.
Lincoln breathed a small sigh of relief as Lori released him, her hand sliding out of his pajama bottoms as she got out of bed. His heart was racing a mile a minute, his mind a confused mess of fear, disgust, and arousal. He turned around, only to find that Lori was pulling her shirt over her head, exposing her bra and sizable breasts. Lincoln's breath caught in his throat at the sight.
"Not bad, right…?" Lori said with a smirk. "Y'like 'em, don'tcha?" Lincoln swallowed hard, forcing himself to shake his head. "Psh… liar…" His sister scoffed, flicking her eyes down towards the boy's groin. Lincoln backed up against the wall, clasping his legs together to hide himself.
"Lori, please… no more…"
"C'mooon… we ain't even gotten t' the besht part…" Lori slurred as she clumsily unhooked her bra. Lincoln could only watch frozen in place as his sister bared herself for him. He wanted to scream, or run, or anything to get out of this situation… but he couldn't move.
Nor could he move when she slid down her shorts, followed by her panties.
Nor did he resist when she pulled him onto his back and forcibly pulled down his pajama bottoms.
But when she positioned her nude body above him, straddling his waist, something within him snapped awake; he sat upright and attempted to push her off, but she simply grabbed his wrists and forced him back down to the mattress. She looked down into her brother's desperate, frightened eyes with a hungry gaze.
"Lori, please." He croaked out in a quiet voice, his eyes beginning to well up with tears. "Y-you can't… for God's sake, I'm your brother…" For a brief moment, he saw his sister's expression falter slightly, and he pressed on. "Y-you have to stop. I won't tell anyone, I promise I won't…" Lori's brow furrowed, and for a moment it seemed as though she had come to her senses… only for her to hiccup again, followed by her lips spreading into a goofy, drunken grin.
"Y'need to lighten up, Linky…" And with that, she thrust her hips down. Lincoln's mind exploded. He threw his head back against the mattress, a shocked cry escaping his throat as little more than a dry wheeze.
"Ohhh fuck, Lincoln~!" Lori gasped. Granted, he wasn't packing much yet, but she was too drunk to care. To her, all that mattered was that he was a man… or a boy, at least. In any case, he was enough.
"L-Lori…" Lincoln choked. "Lori, stop…! Ple-" His protests died in his throat as his big sister began to move, a whole new sensation taking over his body; it was hot, and wet, and incredible… he'd never felt so good in his life.
And yet, he just wanted it to end.
"No…" The young boy sobbed, desperately trying to push her off, but quite frankly he couldn't even muster up the strength to really try… it was like his body and mind were at war with each other. He was scared. He was excited. He wanted her to stop. He wanted her to keep going. He knew this was wrong. It felt so right. He felt as though he were going mad; finally, he gave up, flopping back against the mattress and giving in to his fate. All he could do was squeeze his eyes shut, tears streaming freely down the side of his face. Then, he felt his sister's warm hand cupping his cheek.
Lincoln forced himself to look up at his sister, her blue eyes meeting his. She wore a gentle, caring smile… the kind he'd only rarely seen from her as she got older. "Don't cry, Lincoln…" Lori cooed softly, using her thumb to wipe away her brother's tears. "S'good, right…? Y'feel good…" The sincerity in her voice made Lincoln sick to his stomach. Even as her larger body undulated on top of his, she was being so gentle, so careful not to force her weight down upon him… so loving. Somehow, that only made it worse.
The heat where his body met Lori's was overwhelming, as though their bodies were melting together. He couldn't help but let a small moan of pleasure escape his throat, much to his sister's delight.
"There, see~? That's right… that's right, you love it…!" Lori panted heavily as she found herself nearing her limit. Lincoln simply clenched his teeth together, turning his head away from the girl. He felt nothing but disgust and hatred… but not at her. Even now, he could never hate Lori. Rather, he hated himself. He hated himself for letting this happen. He hated himself for not bolting out of the room when he had the chance. He hated himself because at some point, without even realizing it… his hands had come to a rest on his sister's hips.
He hated himself because Lori was right.
"O-oh my God…" Lincoln gasped as he felt a growing pressure below his abdomen. He'd touched himself before, but more out of curiosity than anything else… he'd never been able to finish. And yet, the change was so sudden, as though some sort of switch within his body had been flipped, that even he could tell what was happening. "L-Lori…!" Lincoln cried in desperation. "Lori, stop!" But she wasn't listening. Even if she were, it was too late. An intense sensation overtook him, as though his entire body was suddenly hit with a jolt of electricity. His young mind couldn't handle it, and as his body went limp against the mattress, Lincoln passed out.

Lori awoke with a groan of pain, finding herself suffering from the worst headache of her life. "Fffuck…" She hissed as she clutched her pounding head. Come to think of it, everything ached… from her head, to her stomach, to her entire body. She slowly pushed herself up slightly and opened her eyes, realizing that she wasn't in her own room. "Where…?" Lori muttered under her breath, blinking a few times to clear her blurry vision. She quickly recognized it as Lincoln's room. What happened last night…? She thought.
Lori glanced over at the clock: 5:02 AM. "Ugh…" Lori grunted, letting herself flop back down onto the bed… only to realize there was something solid beneath her. Lori's face scrunched up in confusion and she opened her eyes again, seeing the sleeping face of Lincoln before her; she had fallen asleep partially draped over the boy's torso. Lori couldn't help but chuckle under her breath. She had to admit, the little twerp looked downright adorable when he slept.
She shut her eyes tight, trying to remember what had happened last night. She could vaguely recall Carol driving her home… and she could remember going into Lincoln's room. Lori groaned again; she really must have been wasted to wake up her brother at such a late hour, let alone sleep with him. She'd have to remember to apologize later.
Lori shifted slightly, feeling an itchy sensation between her legs. She reached down to scratch herself, only to find that, to her confusion, she wasn't wearing any pants.
"What the fuck…?!" Lori snapped, bolting upright to a seated position, only to wince as the sudden movement caused another pang of pain in her head. She took a moment to let it die down, then opened her eyes and looked down at herself. Sure enough, she was completely nude. Lori's brow furrowed in confusion. Why the hell was she naked?!
She dipped a hand between her legs, touching the spot that was causing her such discomfort. To her disgust, her fingers brushed against a dry, crusty substance. "Ew…" She muttered with a grimace. "The hell is this…?" Whatever it was, at least it flaked off easily… in any case, that still didn't answer why she was naked. Lori glanced to her side; with the blanket thrown aside, she noticed that Lincoln's pajama bottoms were missing as well. "Whoa!" She gasped, looking away quickly with a faint blush on her face. Well that was awkwa-
…Wait.
Lori forced herself to glance back over at her exposed brother. Then, back down at her naked body. She touched the dried spot again, before looking at her brother once more. Looking closely, she could faintly make out some whitish spots spattered across his thighs. Lori stared in silence for a long while, her mind struggling to put the pieces together… or rather, refusing to. Her heart rate gradually increased andher breaths became shallower and ragged as the reality of the situation began to set in. She desperately wracked her brain to remember what happened, in some vain hope that she might find some alternate explanation, but it was no use. The previous night's events were a blur… save for one horrible image. One brief moment of lucidity amongst the chaos:
Her little brother's tear-stricken face.
Lori threw herself away from the boy, clamping a hand over her mouth to stifle a scream of horror. Her eyes were wide as saucers, her pupils shrunken into tiny pinpricks. There was no denying what had happened, as much as she wanted to… as much as her mind told her that it was impossible, that she would never do something so awful. But she had. She knew she had.
She'd had sex with Lincoln. No… she'd raped him. She'd raped her own brother, barely even twelve years old.
"O-oh… oh my God…" Lori whimpered. Her stomach felt like it was twisting in knots, and her body began to heave as the bile started to rise up her throat. Lori scrambled out of bed and bolted out of the room, not even bothering to get dressed… there was no time. She darted down the hall and burst through the bathroom door, nearly making it to the toilet before her stomach lurched again. The teenager doubled over, splattering vomit across the floor and toilet lid. She barely managed to throw open the lid before the second heave sent her to her knees.
Wave after wave of puke surged from her mouth and nose between choked, anguished wails. The vile mixture of alcohol and half-digested party snacks soon gave way to pure bile that scoured her raw throat on the way out. For over fifteen minutes she knelt there, even long after the heaving had come to an end; her body still quaking with sobs and residual hiccups.
Lori still felt sick to her stomach, but not because she'd just thrown up. She'd done something beyond unforgivable, and to one of the most important people in her life no less. Part of her still refused to believe it… it was just far too absurd to be true. She couldn't even begin to imagine what would have led to such a scenario in the first place… he was her little brother, and never in her life had she seen him as anything more than that. No matter how drunk she had been, it was simply unfathomable that she could do something so heinous.
And yet, that singular image of Lincoln's face was burnt into her mind… he had looked so hurt, so scared, so heartbroken that it rocked her to her very core. An expression like that wasn't something she could have dreamed up. Combined with the other evidence, the truth was undeniable.
Lori sniffed, rolling up a wad of toilet paper and wiping her mouth and nose before dropping it into the commode. She'd made a mess of course, one she'd have to take care of before her siblings awoke. But right now, there were more pressing matters to attend to. Lori struggled to her feet, snatching her bathrobe off the hook and slipping it on.
Lori silently prayed that Lincoln hadn't awoken yet as she made her way back down the hall. Sure enough, he hadn't; he was still laying there fully exposed, and Lori mentally cursed herself for not at least pulling the blanket back over him. Usually, he was an incredibly light sleeper… the fact that he was so out of it now spoke volumes.
Lori stared at him in silence for a long while. It took everything she had in her not to start bawling again. He looked so peaceful now, as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened to him, but Lori knew better. She'd ruined him. She'd ruined everything… once the others found out, that would be it for her. Her life would effectively be over before it even truly began.
The young woman wiped the tears from her eyes and got to work, gathering her things as quietly as possible. Then came the tricky part: slipping Lincoln's pajama bottoms back on without rousing him. She knew all of this was in vain… she had no doubt Lincoln would tell everyone what she'd done. Still, if there was even the slightest chance that she could make it out of this, she had to try.
Before leaving the room, she took one last look at her brother. She loved him so much, even if she rarely admitted it. She bit her lip, her face scrunching up in pain; she knew she didn't deserve to get away with this unscathed. She knew attempting to do so was a selfish act… the most cowardly thing she'd ever done. But she was a coward. She always had been, she always would be, and deep down inside she knew this.
"I'm so sorry, Lincoln…" She whispered as she leant down and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Lori sat at the kitchen table, a steaming mug of coffee clutched in her trembling hands. She hadn't even bothered to let it cool down a bit… each sip burnt her already-seared throat, but she didn't care. She needed this, not just for the hangover, but to keep herself awake.
"Daaamn, look at you."
Lori nearly jumped out of her seat. She glanced up to see Luna leaning against the door frame, smirking at her disheveled state. "Party a little too hard, dude?" She asked with obvious amusement in her tone.
"…Yeah." Lori grunted. Luna chuckled under her breath, walking to the coffee pot and pouring herself a cup.
"Yeah, the first one's always a doozy." Lori winced slightly at her sister's comment. She used to be slightly jealous of the younger girl for her partying lifestyle… but now? Not so much. "So…" Luna said as she sat down opposite her big sister. "Today's the big day, huh?" Lori said nothing, merely giving a small nod in response. "You excited?"
"Y-yeah… can't wait…"
Lori was barely listening as the rocker prattled on about how proud she was of her, how she was going to miss her, et cetera. Nor did she pay much attention when Lynn joined them, nor Luan. She did, however, take a moment to console a sobbing Leni… not that she had much choice when the girl had her wrapped in a rib-crushing hug. One by one her siblings joined her, and then their parents… even their pets came to see what all the commotion was.
Everyone but Lincoln.
Lori was vaguely aware of her father scolding her for ending up in such a state, and her mother defending her, claiming that she was no different at that age. At some point Lana and Lola began arguing over some undoubtedly petty bullshit. Shortly after that, Luan told a joke that earned her both laughter and groans in equal measure. It didn't matter to Lori; she wasn't processing any of it. She knew it was only a matter of time before Lincoln awoke and sealed her fate.
"Morning…" A sleepy voice said from the doorway, as if on cue. Lori tensed up, her fingers tightening around her mug. She forced herself to look up. Sure enough, Lincoln walked in stifling a yawn. "Did I miss-"
The moment their eyes met, Lincoln froze, his mouth hanging open slightly. Lori's heart stopped; this was it. This was end. She hung her head, waiting for the inevitable.
And then, Lincoln hugged her.
"Lori! I was worried I'd missed you!" Lincoln said cheerfully. Lori's eyes widened. Did he not remember? She forced herself to return the hug, albeit half-heartedly.
"No… still waiting on Bobby…" Lori muttered. As they broke off their hug, Lori noticed that he was blushing heavily. He scratched his arm, giving a nervous laugh.
"What's got you all worked up?" Lynn asked. Lincoln just blushed deeper, fidgeting awkwardly.
"Just… had a weird dream, that's all."
"A nightmare?!" Leni gasped. "Do you want to talk about it…?"
"No!" Lincoln blurted out instantly, waving his hands wildly. "N-no, it's fine! Don't worry about it!"
Slowly, a sly smile spread across Luna's face. "Ooohhh… I get it. One of those kinda dreams, huh? Lil' bro's becoming a man!" Lincoln buried his face in his hands out of embarrassment, letting out a low groan. As the others snickered to themselves, Lori could only gape open-mouthed.
A dream.
He thought it was a dream.
Lori swallowed the lump in her throat, forcing a laugh alongside the rest of her family. She was safe. At least for now, she was in the clear.
And yet… she just couldn't feel relieved about that.

Lori sighed as she stepped through the door into the small studio apartment she shared with her boyfriend. She tossed her bag to the side, taking a moment to stretch; her spine made a faint pop she leaned back, much to her relief. She wasn't sure why college was taking such a toll on her as of late… quite frankly, she was enjoying it, though she did wish she could bypass the general education classes. She'd just finished high school, for crying out loud. Why in God's name did she have to take a science class if she was majoring in business?
Still, she was surprised by just how different college felt. In many ways it was far more laid-back than high school, yet at the same time it was far more stringent. What more, everyone seemed more mature… in high school, it felt as though the vast majority of students didn't give a shit, and in fact would go out of their way to break the rules whenever possible. Now, there was none of that. No snide comments, no delinquent behavior, nothing. It was a welcome change for the girl.
The first week had been easy enough, but the past two had been keeping Lori busy. So busy, in fact, that it was nearly enough to put Lincoln out of her mind. Hell, she'd even managed to come to terms with it to extent. While she still felt awful about what she'd done, it had been a one-time thing… and thus far, there had been no repercussions. Lincoln had called her just the other day to see how things were going, and he'd sounded downright chipper over the phone. It was as though that night had never happened.
Lori flopped down on the sofa. Just a few feet behind that was the bed; she'd never thought she would be living in a cramped apartment like this, but it had been the best they could afford. Aside from the main room, there were a small kitchen and a bathroom off to the side. Very small, to be precise… the bathroom was the worst part, with everything crammed into little more than a five-by-five foot space. The toilet, in particular, had an uncomfortable round seat as opposed to the usual oval. She could barely even sit on the damn thing, especially since she'd been putting on a bit of weight lately.
The young woman frowned as she poked at her bloated stomach. She hated it, but Bobby assured her that she was still sexy. If anything he seemed to enjoy the extra padding, which Lori found a bit odd, but to each their own. That said, she'd been even gassier than usual lately, much to her chagrin. She assumed this was all due to her terrible diet as of late. It wasn't like she'd ever learned to cook, and Bobby wasn't much better than she was… not to mention, he often worked late at the bodega, leaving Lori to either order out or scrape together something simple out of whatever was in the fridge.
Speaking of which… she was already feeling a bit peckish. Lori let out a grunt as she hoisted herself off the couch. Normally she wouldn't be eating this early, but she was hungry… she'd been hungry a lot lately, come to think of it. Then again, she figured the long walk home from the university would make anyone work up an appetite. What wasweird was exactly what she had been eating… strange combinations of food, be it separately or together within a single dish. Although sometimes, there was little choice; right now, for example, the refrigerator was nearly cleared out.
Lori grumbled under her breath as she looked over the paltry offerings. There was peanut butter, regular butter, a nearly-empty carton of eggs that she knew she would overcook if she tried, some cold cuts that she was pretty sure had expired, a jug of milk she knew had expired, and a jar of sauerkraut.
Lori's eyes settled on the sauerkraut. For some reason, she was in the mood for something a bit sour… but that alone wouldn't be enough. She checked the plastic container of roast beef, and sure enough, it had expired. She briefly considered risking it, but the last thing she wanted was to spend all night on the toilet. With a sigh, she chucked it in the garbage along with the other cold cuts. Lori looked again to see if she had missed anything; to her frustration, she hadn't.
…Although.
Lori paused again, staring at the jar of peanut butter. The combination of the two had always been something that her little brother had sworn by, but she'd always found the mere thought of such a union to be too disgusting for words. But now?
Well, there's a first time for everything.
She snatched it up and set the two jars on the counter. Thankfully, they still had a few loaves of bread in the pantry. She opted to use sourdough, figuring it might be a good match… as good as one could be, at any rate. She wasn't sure how much of each ingredient she should use, so she simply went with her gut instinct: a healthy smear of peanut butter topped with a tablespoon of sauerkraut. She took her plate back out to the bed/living room and set it down on the coffee table.
Despite her hunger, she simply stared at the thing in silence for several minutes. She was already beginning to regret this decision… she'd been feeling somewhat nauseous lately, and she was certain that this would do little to help matters.
Then again… she couldn't afford to waste food, now could she?
Lori slowly raised the sandwich to her mouth. She hesitated briefly, biting her lip as she looked down at the bizarre concoction in her hand. Finally, she took a deep breath and forced herself to take a bite. To her surprise, it wasn't bad. It was quite good, in fact… the tart vinegar of the sauerkraut was balanced nicely by the smooth creaminess of the peanut butter, and as expected the sourdough bread worked nicely with the flavors. She took another bite, and then another. Lori leant back against the couch, picking up the remote and turning on the TV. There was nothing good on, but she didn't particularly care at the moment; she just needed something to do until Bobby got back.
The unmistakable ding of a text message rang out, and Lori set down her sandwich before fishing her phone out of her pocket. Sure enough, she'd received a text from Luna… a somewhat rare occurrence, to be sure.

> hay gurl whatup?
Nm just chilling. U? <
> same
> hey u doin anything tmr?

Lori frowned, thinking for a moment. Once, Saturdays had been her favorite day of the week… but now, not so much. Bobby worked most of the day, and quite frankly Lori still hadn't gotten used to the city life, so she mostly just stayed home bored and alone. And it's not like she could call Bobby, either… Hector had scolded him for using the phone during work hours.

Not really, y? <
> got mystery a gig in the city
> *myself
> fkn autocorrect lol
> anyway was thinkin i could head up a bit early and come see ya?

A small smile crossed Lori's face; she hadn't seen any of her family since she'd moved to the city. She'd considered driving down to visit them herself, before remembering that she still didn't have a car of her own.

Sounds good, what time? <
> i guess noon or so idk i'm high

Lori rolled her eyes. It came as little surprise to her that Luna would take advantage of her absence… the rocker had come home reeking of pot more than once, much to her frustration.

Ur gonna get caught one of these days. Stop it <
> noh
> see u tmr dudette ;)

Lori chuckled and set down her phone. It would be nice to catch up with her younger sister. Come to think of it, she'd never really hung out with Luna too often… they had very little in common, after all. Still, she loved her, and missed her just as much as the rest.
Well, except Leni. She really missed Leni.

"What is up, sis?!" Luna greeted her sister excitedly before giving her a big hug that Lori returned in kind.
"Hey, Luna… great to see you. C'mon-" Lori paused as a pungent, earthy scent filled her nostrils. She pulled away, and glared at her sister, now noticing the redness in her eyes. "…Seriously, Luna? Don't tell me you drove here..."
"Chill, dude…" Luna said with a small laugh. "Chunk drove me. He's visitin' some mates o' his while we're here. So what's goin' on?" She strode past Lori and into the apartment, a broad grin crossing her face. "Daaamn, get a load of this place! Nice crib, Lor'."
"It's literally a piece of junk," Lori sighed. "But it's the best we could do."
"Nah, I'm diggin' it. Nice and compact. Got a TV, a bed, and a crapper, what more d'you need?" Luna wasted no time in making herself at home; she flopped down across the couch, putting her feet up on the armrest. "So, how's college been treatin' ya?"
"Pretty good, I guess." Lori replied, taking a seat near her. "Bit stressful, but a hell of a lot better than high school was."
"No kidding?" Luna muttered. "Still, fuck that noise."
"You're not going to college?"
"Nah. Ain't got time for that." Luna said with a small shrug. "Me and Sam been talkin' bout startin' a proper band once we're outta school. Gonna call ourselves 'The Velvet Lips'."
Lori smirked. "Oh yeah? That's a cool na-" Then, she grimaced as the words sunk in. "...Ew, Luna…"
Luna chuckled. "Sex sells, Lori. Anyway…" Luna swiveled around to a seated position. "How've things been going with Bobby? You two, ah… enjoying being on your own?" She asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. Lori coughed into her fist, averting her eyes.
"…Do I really need to answer that?" She said quietly, to her sister's amusement. "Anyway, it's great… just wish he could be around more. Between work and classes, I barely get to see him some days."
"That's rough, dude…" Luna said with a small frown. "Still, he's doin' it for you, y'know?"
"I know, I know…" Lori sighed. "I just miss him is all."
"So, what? You pretty much go to class all day, then come home and loaf around 'till your boyfriend gets back?"
Lori raised an eyebrow. "How did you know…?"
"C'mon, Lori… y'don't get this from bein' active." She grabbed the hem of Lori's shirt and lifted it slightly, exposing her flabby belly. Lori yelped, quickly pulling her shirt back down.
"Luna!" The flustered girl gasped in indignation. "I'm just a little bloated, okay?!"
"Suuuure you are." Luna teased. "And I'm straight."
"Alright, fine." Lori huffed. "I'm getting a bit fat. I'll deal with it. I've just been… hungry, lately. And tired."
"Hey, it ain't all bad…" Luna reached over and honked one of her sister's breasts. "Looks like you're puttin' some fat in the right places, too." Lori's face went beet red and she smacked Luna's hand away.
"S-stop that!" Lori pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. "…They're sensitive."
"Ohhh!" Luna exclaimed with a snap of her fingers. "I get it. That time of the month, huh?"
"No, not yet…" Lori grumbled.
"Um… ain't you usually due by now, dude?" Luna asked.
"Why do you know my cycle?"
The young rocker rolled her eyes. "C'mon, dude. We all know your cycle. Remember that time you tried to set Luan on fire?"
"… One time." Lori groaned, burying her face in her palm. "Anyway, it's literally just a few days off. It happens sometimes."
"…Uh-huh." Luna glanced over to her side, drumming her fingers against her knee in thought. "Lori… you and Bobby have been using protection, right…?"
"Of course we have." Lori scoffed. "Do you think we're stupid?"
"No, of course not. I'm just saying…" Luna scratched her chin. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure!" Her sister shot back. "Every time! What are you getting at, Luna?!"
"Have you taken a pregnancy test recently?"
"I-" Lori froze up; her eyes went wide, her brow furrowing in thought. She had been using protection with Bobby, yes…
…With Bobby.
"…Oh…" Lori croaked, bringing a hand to her mouth. "Oh, no…"
"H-hey… are you okay?" Luna asked softly. "Lori, are you-"
"I-I have to go." Lori said quickly, bolting to her feet.
"Lori?"
"I have to go," She repeated in a panicked tone as she fished her wallet out of her bag. "I need to go to the pharmacy, now." Without waiting for Luna, she hurried out the door.
"L-Lori! Lori, wait, up!" Luna cried out, scrambling after her sister. "You didn't even lock the door!"

Nine.
Nine pregnancy tests. All positive. Every single one, even the cheap ones. Lori sat on the toilet in a daze, staring aimlessly at nothing in particular. It still hadn't sunk in… it just didn't feel real. She felt as though she were in a dream, trapped in some horrible, inescapable nightmare. Her gaze slowly shifted over to the pile of tests on the counter. She reached out with a trembling hand, picked up one of the tests and looked at it again in some vain hope that it would have changed. But no… the strip still bore two lines, just as before. The young woman set the test down. She hoped against all hope that one of Bobby's condoms had been punctured somehow, but in her heart she already knew that wasn't the case.
Lori swallowed before shakily getting to her feet. She didn't really want to get up, but quite frankly the round toilet seat was starting to hurt her rear.
"Well…?" Luna asked as her big sister stepped out of the bathroom. Lori didn't need to say anything… the thousand-yard stare in her eyes spoke volumes. "Oh… oh, Lori…" She gasped. "Oh, Lori, no…"
Lori bit her lip, giving a small nod. "…Yeah." She said in a quiet, wavering voice. "I'm, um… you know... I'm… oh God… oh God, Luna…" Lori's voice started to crack as tears began to stream down her face. As Luna rushed forward to embrace her sister, Lori practically dove into the younger girl's arms. Tears soaked through Luna's shirt as Lori cried in her arms, wailing so loudly that she was certain the entire block could hear. She was actually shocked by just how extreme Lori's reaction was… the girl wasn't simply crying, she was screaming at the top of her lungs.
"H-hey… Lori, it's okay… it's all gonna be okay…" Luna cooed as she rubbed her sister's back.
"It's not okay!" Lori shrieked, making her little sister wince. "It's not okay, Luna! No part of this is fucking okay!"
"Lori… please…" Luna hissed in pain; Lori was squeezing her shoulders so hard that her fingernails nearly broke skin. "Try to calm down, okay…? Breathe. I'm here for you." Lori nodded, doing her best to breathe, but she was sobbing so hard that she could only choke on her own air. She let Luna lead her to the couch, her chest heaving rapidly; Luna had seen this kind of behavior before when one of her friends had tried LSD, much to Luna's disapproval. Lori was having a full-blown breakdown. "You got tissues?"
"N-n-ni-night-s-stand!" Lori managed to gasp out between sobs. Luna snatched the box of tissues off the nightstand and sat down beside her sister.
"Lori, you need to breathe," Luna said softly as she dabbed at Lori's eyes; she was crying so hard that the tissues were simply tearing apart against her cheeks. "You're going to pass out."
"I-I can't… breathe…" Lori choked.
"Yes, you can." Luna insisted. "Come on, Lori… breathe in, breathe out." Lori swallowed before trying once more. She forced herself to inhale, and then exhale; he breaths came out as weak, shuddering gasps, but at least she was breathing. "It's going to be okay, Lori. It's all okay…"
"N-no…" Lori whimpered, hanging her head and pulling at her hair. "No no no no no no…" The distraught girl's tears were beginning to run out, and her throat was sore from all the screaming… but at least she was starting to calm down a bit.
"It's okay, Lori. This isn't the end of the world." Luna said as gently as she could. Quite frankly, she could hardly blame her sister for being so shaken… she couldn't even begin to imagine how she might feel in this kind of situation.
"Yes… yes it is…" Lori muttered, her voice fragmented and hoarse. "I-it's over, Luna… it's all over. I'm finished." Luna put her arm around the older girl's trembling shoulders.
"Look, Lori…" Luna sighed. "You don't… have to keep it, you know?" She could feel her sister tense up. "And even if you do… you and Bobby were always planning to have kids someday, right? It's a bit earlier than expected-"
"No, Luna…" Lori sniffled. "Y-you don't understand… Bobby and I used protection. Every single time."
Luna frowned. "These things happen sometimes, Lori. You know that. Condoms can break." Lori bit her lip, shaking her head.
"It's… it's not Bobby's."
Luna's words died on her lips. She looked at Lori with a baffled, horrified expression. "It's… what…?" She murmured in shock; she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You cheated on Bobby?!" Lori could only look away in shame, or rather, self-loathing. Luna shook her head in disbelief, leaning back against the sofa. "Holy shit, Lori… how could… how could you do that?! Why would you do that?!"
"I-I never meant to…!" Lori cried. "I was drunk, I… I never…" Her words were interrupted by a sudden, intense bout of coughing. Luna rubbed the girl's back as she lurched forward, her body rattling with each wheeze.
"E-easy, Lori… easy." The rocker said in as soothing of a tone as she could muster. She couldn't deny that she felt somewhat angry with her sister, but seeing her in such a distraught state pained her nonetheless. Besides, at some level she could understand. Lord knows she'd done some crazy shit at her first few parties. "Do you, um… do you know who it was?"
Lori's face scrunched up in anguish. Her heart was pounding rapidly and her chest felt tight; all of the guilt she had managed to push aside came rushing back in full force. It was as if there was a massive, crushing weight bearing down on her. She knew how to relieve it… but could she?
"I… I fucked up, Luna." Lori whispered. "I fucked up real bad…"
"…Yeah, I'd say so…"
"No, Luna… I…" Lori swallowed the lump in her throat. Her fingers were digging into her knees, but she couldn't feel any pain… she felt completely numb. "I really fucked up… more than I could ever say."
Luna opened her mouth to speak, but hesitated. Just from Lori's demeanor, it was clear that there was more to it than a simple one-night stand. "Lori," She began in a serious tone, "Please. I promise you, anything you say stays between us. Swear on me life." Luna cringed slightly as the faux-British accent escaped her throat; she knew fully well that this wasn't the time for that, but quite frankly it was practically a verbal tic at this point.
Lori chewed her lip apprehensively. She knew she could trust Luna… rather, she could usually trust Luna. But not with this. Not when the truth was so horrible.
And yet… the guilt was just too much to bear.
"Lori-"
"Lincoln!" Lori screamed suddenly, making her little sister jump. "It was Lincoln, okay?! I fucked him, Luna! I-I came home, and I was drunk, a-and I fucked him!" Luna froze, her blood running cold. Lori's eyes were wide, her breath escaping in ragged bursts. She'd said it. She'd actually said it, and she knew that in doing so she'd sealed her fate.
"…O-oh." Luna stammered. "L-Lincoln, huh…" She was in complete shock. She almost thought it must be a joke… it was too absurd to even consider. But, she knew Lori would never joke about something so serious. Hell, even Luan wouldn't joke about something like this. She looked away from her sister, her brow furrowing as the revelation finally set in.
Slowly, Luna got to her feet. Lori thought she was going to leave, but instead she just stood there, facing away from her older sister with her hand clamped over her mouth. Her pupils flicked around slightly as she took all this in, thinking back to the morning after the party. Lori's behavior… it had been more than a simple hangover. Lincoln had gotten flustered after hugging her. The dream that she'd teased him about... it hadn't been a dream at all.
Lori had raped her little brother.
Lori. Her eldest sister, the one she and all the others would turn to for guidance. She'd raped Lincoln.
"Lun-" Lori began, but then without warning her sister wheeled around and slapped her across the face with all her strength. Lori cried out in pain as she was thrown against the armrest by the impact.
"What is wrong with you?" Luna hissed. Her entire body was quaking with rage, and Lori shrunk back as much as she could.
"I'm sor-" Lori was cut off with another slap, across her other cheek this time… though not nearly as hard as the first.
"You're sorry?! You're fucking sorry?!"
"I didn't mean to!" Lori cried. "I literally don't even remember doing it! I was drunk, I-"
"You think that's an excuse?!" Luna shrieked. "You raped your goddamn brother, Lori! There's nothing you can say that excuses that!"
"I KNOW!" Lori shouted back. "I know, Luna! Do you think I wouldn't take it back if I could?!" Do you think I wanted this?!"
"Do you think he wanted this?!"
That did it. The image of Lincoln's tear-stricken face returned to the forefront of Lori's mind. Lori tried to speak, but all that came out was a hoarse wheeze. And then, her body lurched forward. She began to shake with dry heaves, and Luna barely had enough time to step back before the poor girl began throwing up onto the carpet. She vomited once, twice, three times, loudly sobbing all the while. Luna stared at the pathetic sight before her with a mixture of hatred and pity; the thing before her was not the sister she knew. Gone was the bossy, headstrong Lori of the past… all that was left was a broken shell of a girl.
Luna scoffed as she stormed off to the kitchen. She hated herself for still giving a shit about the girl, but she couldn't help it… she was her sister, and she was hurting. She filled a glass with water from the sink before heading back out, slamming the glass down on the coffee table hard enough for some of the water to splash out. "Here. Drink." She snapped. Lori nodded, spitting onto the floor before gratefully taking the glass, taking several large gulps of water.
Luna sighed, slumping back onto the couch and burying her face in her palm. For a long time, neither spoke. She could still hear her sister sniffling, quiet whimpers escaping her throat. Luna believed the older girl, of course. She had no doubt that Lori would never even consider such an act had she been in her right mind. Still, alcohol or not, there was no forgiving this. There was no going back from this. Lori was right… she was finished.
…But only if Luna talked.
Luna's eyes narrowed. Just the thought of letting this slide made her feel sick to her stomach. Lori deserved to go down for this. Lincoln deserved justice.
But Lincoln didn't remember.
Luna's fingers tightened against her forehead. She began grinding her teeth as the stress set in; as far as Lincoln knew, the whole thing had been some twisted fantasy. The truth of the situation could very well traumatize the poor boy, not to mention what it would do to the others… besides, Lori was already suffering. Perhaps not suffering enough, but suffering nonetheless. Luna shut her eyes, taking a deep breath through her nose before exhaling.
"I'm not going to say anything." Luna said scornfully. "And not for your sake, either… for his." Lori didn't say anything in response, simply looking down at the vomit-coated floor in silence. "Do you fucking understand me, Lori?!" Luna shouted. Lori only gave a small nod, her expression not changing in the slightest. Luna growled and kicked the coffee table in frustration. Another uncomfortable silence hung between the two before Luna spoke again. "…You know what you have to do, right?" Luna muttered. "You… have to get rid of it. You can't have that baby, Lori."
"…Heh." To Luna's confusion, Lori simply let out a short laugh. "Hehe…hehehe…!" She began to chuckle softly. Her cackling grew louder and louder until she was howling with mad, humorless laughter. Luna wasn't sure if she should be angry or frightened… it was as though her sister had completely lost her mind; and then, as quickly as it had begun, it stopped. Lori sniffed, giving a small shake of her head. "…No."
Luna's brow furrowed. "What the hell do you mean, 'no'? You know what could happen, right?!"
"I know." Lori said quietly. She finally looked up, turning her head towards her little sister. Luna couldn't help but feel disturbed by the sight… her face was completely pale, her eyes red and puffy, and she wore a shaky, strained smile on her face. "Do you believe in God, Luna?"
"I-I can't say I do…" Luna stammered. "What does that-"
"I do." Lori continued. "I… thought I could get away with this. I thought I had, even if…" Lori's voice cracked, but she forced herself to press on. "…Even if I didn't deserve to. But I should have known better. I should have known I could never escape the things I've done." The young woman laid a trembling hand over her stomach, the fake smile slowly fading from her face. "This is my punishment, Luna. If there's something wrong with it… fine. I deserve no less."
Luna frowned. Lori's decision was almost noble, in a way… stupid, but noble. "But… what are you going to do…?" Luna asked quietly. "What are you going to tell the family? What are you going to tell Bobby?"
Lori froze for a moment. She hadn't thought about that… poor Bobby was going to be heartbroken. "I-I, um…" Lori whispered. "I don't know."

Lincoln slumped back into his chair, a far-off gaze in his eyes. He could remember it clearly now… each moment burnt into his mind in vivid detail. He glanced over at his sister; she was turned slightly away from him, her shoulder shaking as she wept into her hands. "You, ah…" Lincoln swallowed the lump in his throat. "You raped me." He said plainly.
It took a moment for Lori to respond. She sniffed, trying her best to compose herself. "…I did." She said in barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry."
'I'm sorry'. It was an absurd statement, one that Lincoln may have laughed at were it not for the severity of the situation. "...Why?" He asked, knowing fully well that there was no possible answer that would be good enough.
Lori bit her lip, shaking her head sadly. "I don't know. I… don't remember it, Lincoln."
"A-and Loan…"
"She's… she's your daughter, yes." Lori choked. "Our daughter."
Lincoln looked away from his sister, his finger tapping rapidly against the table. Quite frankly he wasn't sure what the hell he was supposed to do, or say. There were several different things to process here, and none of them good. Mostly, he just felt numb. He wasn't even mad at Lori, even though he knew he should be. Whether that was from shock or simply because she was his sister, he didn't know. What he did know was that he'd never felt so lost in his life.
"Do you understand now…?" Lori muttered under her breath. "Do you understand why I-"
"YOU BITCH!" Before Lori could finish that thought, an enraged Ronnie burst through the door; Lori didn't even have time to react before the furious Latina grabbed her by the ponytail, tipping the chair back and violently throwing her to the ground. The older woman cried out in pain, but Ronnie didn't care… she was upon her in an instant.
The first punch hit her right in the mouth, busting her lip wide open.
The second struck the left side of her temple, knocking her head against the hard wooden deck.
The third barely grazed her nose as Lincoln pulled his wife off of her.
"Ronnie, stop!" Lincoln cried as he held back his struggling wife… a difficult task to be sure, considering that she was at least as strong as he was.
"Let go of me!" Ronnie shrieked. "I'll kill her! I'll fucking kill her!" Lincoln had to dig his heels against the floor as she began to drag him.
"Honey, please…!" Lincoln hissed. He suddenly regretted not joining his wife for her morning workouts. "It's not worth it!"
But Ronnie wasn't listening. She slipped free from her husband's grasp and began mercilessly kicking at the downed woman. "You bitch! You fucking backstabbing, evil whore!" Lori put her arms up to protect her face; she was at least somewhat grateful that Ronnie wasn't wearing shoes right now.
"RONNIE, ENOUGH!" Lincoln shouted, pushing his wife off of Lori. Ronnie attempted to run at her again, but Lincoln stood between her and his sister. "That's. Enough." He repeated. Ronnie scowled at him, but seemed to back down. "You okay, Lori?" He asked as he helped his sister to her feet.
"Y-yes… I'll be fine." Lori winced as she touched her bleeding lip. Between that and the bruises Ronnie had just given her, she definitely wasn't going to be feeling too great the next few days. "…I suppose I deserved that."
"You're damn right you deserved that! You deserve to die!" Ronnie screamed at the woman, in near-hysterics. "And you!" She added, pointing at her husband. "Why the hell are you defending her?!"
"Ronnie, please, you need to calm down-"
"I will not calm down!" Ronnie shot back. "She… she forced herself on you, Lincoln! Your own sister! How can you be okay with that?!"
"I'm not! But freaking out isn't going to… going to…" Lincoln trailed off as he became aware of a sound from inside the house. It sounded like someone was gasping for air, as if they were struggling to breathe. "Is that-"
"Loan." Lori gasped. She darted past Lincoln into the house, following the strained breathing into the master bedroom. Sure enough, Loan was curled up on the floor, clutching her chest. Her eyes were wide open and she didn't even seem to notice that her mother was there; she simply stared straight ahead as her chest heaved rapidly. "Loan!" Lori cried as she rushed to her daughter's side.
"What's going on?!" Lincoln rushed into the room, Ronnie following closely behind.
"She's having a panic attack," Lori replied. "M-my purse… go get it. And a glass of water." Neither Lincoln nor Ronnie made a move, their eyes focused on the hyperventilating girl on the floor. "Now!" She ordered.
"R-right… Ronnie, please."
"…Okay." Ronnie wasn't happy about taking orders from her sister-in-law, but she wasn't about to argue… not when Loan was in such a state. She hurried off.
"Loan… Loan, baby, can you hear me?" Lori cooed gently. "Baby, it's me. I'm here… it's going to be okay." But Loan wasn't listening, or at least couldn't seem to hear her.
Lincoln was no stranger to panic attacks. They had been a fairly regular occurrence with Clyde, particularly during their teenage years. Hell, Lincoln had even had one himself when Ronnie was going into labor. But he'd never seen anything like this… the poor girl looked as though she were going into cardiac arrest. Her entire body was convulsing, spittle flying from her mouth as she desperately fought for air. "L-Lori… what can I do?!"
"Nothing." Lori snapped. "Just… let me handle this." In truth, she'd never seen Loan have an attack this bad… bad enough that she was debating just calling 911 straight away. "L-Loan… Loan, listen to me." She said, attempting to get through to her daughter. "You need to breathe, honey. You're going to be okay, you just need to breathe."
Loan could barely hear her. She couldn't even see her… her pupils had narrowed to the point where her peripheral vision was practically non-existent. Even what she could see was murky and unfocused. It felt as though there was an immense pressure closing in on her, like there were hundreds of unseen tendrils wrapping around her, crushing the life out of her. She couldn't breathe. Her heart was pounding so hard that she swore it was going to explode. She was dying. She knew she was dying.
Good. You were never meant to exist, anyway.
For the first time, Loan couldn't argue.
You know what you are.
It all made sense, now… why she was the way she was. Why she was so damaged, even from the start. She was a freak. She was an inbred freak.
They never asked for you.
She was a monster.
They never WANTED you.
Nobody ever would.
Except HIM.
The pressure on her chest squeezed down harder. It hurt. It hurt so bad… she just wanted it to stop. She just wanted to die.
Then stop fighting it.
"H-here…!" Ronnie rushed back into to room with a glass of water and Lori's purse; Lori immediately snatched it out of her hand and unzipped it. She frantically dug through the purse before pulling out a small plastic pill bottle: Xanax. It was the only one of Loan's drugs that Lori had to regulate herself… the girl had become dependent on it when left to her own devices. Lori opened the bottle and tapped a single white pill out into her palm.
"Loan… sweetie, here." Lori said, offering the pill to her daughter. "Please… it's going to make you feel better… Loan, do you hear me?!" She gently shook her daughter's shoulder.
Loan tensed up at her touch. Her eyes flicked over to her mother… or rather, the creature looming over her. Through her blurred vision Lori appeared as a distorted, monstrous figure, with a black sludge seeping from where its eyes should be and blood trickling down its mouth. 'Loan,' it said in a voice that seemed both distant and far, far too close. 'It's going to be okay, Loan. Take this and it will all be okay.' Loan recoiled, backing away from the horrible sight… but it only crept closer. 'Loan!' It repeated, reaching one of its hands towards her. 'Take it, Loan! Take it!'

"That's right… just like that. Take it all. That's a good girl…"

Loan couldn't feel her heart beating anymore. It was as though it had simply stopped, or at least that she was no longer aware of it… she could only focus on the demon crawling towards her. The figure only grew more distorted as Loan's eyes began to brim with tears. "No…" She croaked out, her voice finally returning to her. "Stay away…"
'Loan, let me help you!' Said the beast in a forceful tone.

"Stop fighting it… you know you love it. You're such a pretty little girl, Loan…"

"N-no…" Loan whimpered as her back hit the wall. She couldn't run… she never could.

"God, you're even tighter than your mother…"

"Stop it…!" Loan spat at the creature. "L-leave me alone!"
"Lori…" A kind voice rang out from somewhere far away. Who was that…? "I don't think you should-"
'Let me handle it!' The creature roared. 'Loan, you're going to pass out! Just take it!'
"Get away from me…!" Loan cried, huddling into a tight ball. She couldn't see the creature anymore, but she could feel it. It had always been there, hanging over her head like the sword of Damocles… ready to come plunging down upon her at a moment's notice.

"Don't scream."

Loan could feel the tendrils again, wrapping around her, constricting her, probing every corner of her body they could reach.

"Don't SCREAM."

She didn't even have to look. She knew that the tendrils belonged to that monster, that devil that tormented her every waking moment. She knew that it was getting closer, bearing down upon her as it always had… it was going to hurt her again. It was going to defile her again.
'Loan! TAKE IT!'

"DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING SCREAM!"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Loan shrieked at the top of her lungs. She lashed out, kicking the beast directly in the chest. It let out a deep wheeze as it was knocked back, tumbling out of her limited field of vision. Loan's eyes went wide. She'd attacked it… she'd hurt it.
She'd made it mad.
Loan let out a frightened whine, covering her head with her arms. She'd done it now. It wasn't just going to hurt her, now… it was going to make it hurt, just as it had whenever she'd dared to fight back. She could already feel it approaching again… looming over her. Larger than her. Stronger than her.
"Loan?"
The terrified girl froze. There was that voice again… not the overbearing, booming voice of that monster. This voice was kind, and gentle. Loan raised her head just enough to peek out at the person kneeling beside her. It was him… her uncle.
No… her father.
"Loan," Lincoln said again. "It's going to be okay. There's nothing to be afraid of… nobody here is going to hurt you."
"U-uncle Lincoln…" She gasped. His voice was so soothing, and yet it did little to ease the pressure in her chest. "I-I can't… breathe…"
"Yes you can, Loan. Your heart is fine… your brain's just telling you that it's not." He assured her. "You've been through this before, right…? You know what this is, Loan. You can beat this. Just… focus. Breathe." Loan tried her best to follow his advice… her breaths were ragged and unsteady, but she was breathing. And as her nerves began to settle, she could feel that her heart was beating too… well, pounding rather, but it was something at least. "Loan… here." Lincoln held out his palm, offering his daughter the pill. "I'm not going to force you to take it. But… it will help, I think."
Loan stared at the pill for a moment. Xanax wasn't one of her usual medications… it was reserved only for her most severe attacks. But her mother would always make her take it, going so far as to force it down her throat if she was being uncooperative.
But Lincoln wasn't making her do anything.
Loan snatched the pill from his hand and gulped it down dry, then took the glass of water he offered her and chugged it down in one go. It helped to ease her aching throat a bit, though it would still be some time before the medicine kicked in. "…Thank you." She said quietly. Lincoln just gave a small nod and a reassuring smile.
"Loan…?" Another voice spoke from behind Lincoln. "Loan, sweetie… are you okay?" Loan peered behind Lincoln, spotting Lori on the floor; she sounded a bit winded, and had her hand pressed against the center of her chest. She realized then that the 'monster' had just been her mother. She'd kicked her mother.
And, in all honesty… she only felt slightly bad about it.
"…Stay away from me." The young woman said as Lori tried to approach her.
"Loan…"
"Stay away." She repeated with a noticeable edge to her tone. Lori's eyes widened slightly; this wasn't like before. Loan wasn't panicking anymore… or at the very least, not in the frantic manner she had been. She was glaring at her… ordering her to keep back.
Lori frowned. "Loan, I'm sorry… I never meant-"
"I know." Loan muttered coldly. "You… you never meant for any of it. Same as always, right…?" Lori winced slightly at her daughter's words. "You never meant to drink. You never meant to hurt me. You never meant…" Loan swallowed the lump in her throat and pressed on. "You never meant to hurt your brother… you never meant to do that to him, right?"
"O-of course not…"
"I-it doesn't matter. Whether you meant to or not… you did do it. You did that… and now I'm here." Loan drew her legs in close, looking away from her mother. "You're… you're no better than he was."
"L-Loan…!" Lori gasped. Her daughter may as well have stabbed her straight through the heart; she searched her brain for some kind of response, but there was nothing she could say. Loan was right. What she'd done to Lincoln was hardly different from what Chester had done to her. "I-I…" She stammered, looking to Lincoln for some kind of guidance… but he couldn't bring himself to look at her. She even glanced at Ronnie, but the woman stared back at her as though she were something disgusting she'd plucked out of the drain. Lori took a deep, shuddering breath, then hurried out of the room.
An uncomfortable silence weighed down on the three remaining Louds. Ronnie stood with a tense posture, the fury in her eyes still evident. Finally, she stormed off after her sister-in-law. "Ronnie!" Lincoln called out after her, but she was already gone. "Dammit…" Lincoln sighed, turning back to his daughter. "Loan, will you be okay here for a bit…?"
"…Yes." Loan said softly. "I'll be fine."

Lincoln was relieved to find that his wife hadn't beaten Lori to a bloody pulp… instead she stood with her arms crossed, glaring down at the older woman as she sat on the couch with her face buried in her hands. Lincoln wasn't quite sure what was holding her back… perhaps she felt some measure of pity for his sister's plight.
"I'm sorry." Lori said in a quiet, hoarse voice. "I'm so sorry."
"Yeah, so I've heard." Ronnie huffed.
"Ronnie-"
"Can it, Lincoln." She snapped at her husband. "I've been waiting over twenty years to give this bitch a piece of my mind."
"Mom…?" A tiny voice called out from upstairs. It was Bobby, peeking down to see what all the commotion was. "What's going on?"
"Go back to bed, Bobby."
"But-"
"Go. To. Bed." Ronnie ordered. Bobby didn't need to be told again; he quickly scurried out of sight, followed by the sound of a door closing. Ronnie turned back towards the morose woman on the couch. She sucked her teeth in silence for a few moments, trying to find the right words.
"…Your son's name is Bobby." It was Lori herself that spoke first, her voice coming out at little more than a strained whisper. Ronnie's scowl deepened.
"That's right."
"I… never meant to hurt him, Ronalda. I loved him. To this day, I still love him." Lori muttered. "I was trying to spare him all of this… spare him from bearing the consequences of my mistakes."
"Well, you spared him a hell of a lot more than that." Ronnie hissed.
"Ronnie, please-"
"Shut up, Lincoln!" Ronnie shot back. Lincoln sighed, scratching the back of his head. Clearly, his wife wasn't going to be dissuaded… if nothing else, at least she wasn't being violent. "You know, I thought it was impossible to despise you more than I did," She continued. "But no… you're even more vile than I could have imagined. You are a horrible human being, Lori. I hope you're aware of that."
"…I know." Lori said quietly. Even now, part of Ronnie just wanted to beat the woman's face in… but she doubted there was anything she could do that would be worse than the hell Lori had created for herself. Ronnie grunted in frustration as she flopped down onto the couch as far away from her sister-in-law as possible. Lincoln joined beside her.
For some time nobody spoke, nor did they look at one another. Ronnie kept her arms crossed over her chest, her furious gaze trained somewhere off to the side, while Lincoln and Lori both stared at the floor in thought, their arms rested across their knees with their fingers folded together. Even now, the two siblings were strikingly alike.
"I, um…" Lori began, wincing as she ran her tongue across her split lip. "I've messed up. A lot. And there's nothing I can do to change that." She sounded as though she were about to cry, but she simply had no tears left to shed. "I've been horrible to you, Lincoln. I've been horrible to her. At times, I must admit… I even resented her, simply for being a constant reminder of my sins." She swallowed before continuing. "But… I've always tried to do right by her. Even at my worst, I tried. And I failed her. Time and time again… I failed her. And now, she's terrified of me." Lori sniffed. "…I suppose she should be. God knows I've hurt her… too many times to count."
Lincoln could understand, to an extent; he could only imagine what it was like to be a single parent, especially to a child as… unique as Loan. But that was no excuse. From the sound of it, nearly every choice she'd made in life was a mistake… a mistake that had damaged not only her, but her daughter as well. "…There's always time to set things right, Lori."
"I know." Lori replied. She fidgeted with her fingers in silence for a moment before continuing. "I already accepted the position, Lincoln. I'm leaving in a little over three weeks."
"Lori…"
"I have to, Lincoln. This job… it's too lucrative not to."
Lincoln frowned deeply. "Money isn't what she needs, Lori."
"…I am aware, yes." Lori sighed. "That's why… I have a proposition." She didn't even need to say anything for the couple to understand what she meant. Lincoln had even been considering bringing it up himself, but he had to admit… the prospect of taking in a stranger so suddenly was downright overwhelming. But it was either that or sending her off with Lori… and regardless of the circumstances, Loan was his daughter. He didn't want to lose her just as she had entered his life.
"No."
It had been Ronnie that spoke. What shocked Lincoln most was the finality of it… she hadn't even hesitated. "Ronnie-"
"I said no." She cut him off curtly. "We can't just… take her in, Lincoln. She's not our responsibility… she's hers. Because of what she did to you."
"So, what? You'd rather Loan just go off to Japan?"
"That's…" Ronnie's hardened expression faltered slightly. She hadn't heard that part. "W-well she can't stay here! I am not carrying this whore's burden!"
"My daughter is not a burden!" Lori snapped. "She's a wonderful girl… she just needs to be with someone! And I-"
"Girls, enough." Lincoln cut in. "Ronnie… she can stay here if she wants."
Ronnie stared at her husband as though he had just grown an extra head. "Y-you can't just make that choice on your own!" She sputtered. "I get a say too!"
"So does she." Lincoln replied calmly, even as turmoil raged in his heart. "If she wants to stay, she can stay… it's her choice, not yours."
"I am your wife!" Ronnie shouted. "You don't get to make these choices on your own! We have to discuss this, at least!"
"She's my daughter, Ronnie." Lincoln said in a stern tone. "There's nothing to discuss. She can stay if she wants… that's it." Ronnie gaped open-mouthed at her husband before her expression deepened into a scowl; she silently got to her feet before storming off towards the kitchen. Lincoln sighed softly. "…I'll do it, Lori. But she has to choose."
"She's no trouble at all, I promise you…" Lori assured her brother. "Even with her outbursts. A-and I'll send money, she won't-"
"Lori." Lincoln interjected. "She chooses. She's been forced to do enough." Lori chewed her lip, giving a small nod.
"…Yes. She has."

"Loan?" Lincoln asked as he returned to the bedroom. His daughter remained huddled in the corner with her knees pulled up to her chest. She wasn't panicking anymore, at least… rather, she had a distant, far-off look in her eyes. "Loan, how are you feeling…?"
"…Fine." She muttered. "It's time for me to go now, isn't it?"
"Actually… about that." Lincoln said. "Your mom and I wanted to speak with you… can you come out?"
Loan slowly looked over at Lincoln. He had that same gentle, supportive smile on his face… as much as she wanted to, she couldn't say no. "A-alright." Lincoln's smile broadened slightly, and he offered a hand to help her up.
She accepted it without hesitation.
Lincoln returned to the living room with his daughter in tow, who couldn't help but tense up slightly upon seeing Lori. It wasn't that she hated her mother… but she couldn't stand being near her right now. Not after she knew the horrible things she had done.
Lori was hardly surprised that Loan opted to sit at the far end of the couch. The girl wouldn't look at her, and she pulled her knees against her chest once again. Normally, she would never put her feet on someone else's furniture without permission… but Loan wasn't thinking about that right now. All she could think about was her mother, and what she had done to uncle Lincoln.
And what you ARE.
"So…" Lincoln began as he sat down a few feet from his sister. "Lori, do you want to…?"
"Oh… y-yes." Lori cleared her throat. "Loan… I can never express to you just how sorry I am about this. About everything." Loan didn't respond. She simply stared at the ground, her eyes glassy and unfocused. She looked downright shell-shocked. "I've… been an awful mother to you. But I want to try to set things right. I want to give you a chance."
Still, no response. Loan had no idea what her mother was talking about. She didn't have a chance. She'd never had a chance.
You never will.
"Look, Loan… I know this is all a shock for you," Lincoln said. "It's… a big shock for me, too. But… you're our daughter. Both of ours. And you deserve a choice." Loan's eyes flicked up to her uncle.
"A choice…?"
"Yes," Lori said in a quiet, hesitant voice. "Loan… you've meant the world to me since the moment you were born. I know I've hurt you… I know I've made mistakes. But I want you to understand that all I ever wanted was what's best for you." Loan frowned. Of course she knew that… she was grateful to her mother for everything she'd done for her. "This time… I want you to choose what's best for you."
Loan's head snapped towards her mother in an instant. "What…?"
Lori gave a small nod. It was clear that she was having a hard time keeping it together… her shoulders were trembling, and her lips were pouting slightly. "It's… it's not right. You're an adult… and you deserve to make your own choices. I'm not going to force you anymore. I just want you to be happy, sweetie." Lori took a deep breath; this was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to say. "E-either… either come to Japan with me, or… stay here. W-with your father."
Loan's eyes went wide. Time seemed to stop for a moment; there was no way her mom had just said that. "W-what…?"
"You can stay here, or come with me." Lori repeated. She was staring at her lap, wringing the hem of her skirt with one hand. "I understand if you want to stay. Your father is a good man, Loan… I know he would treat you well. Better than I have, at least."
"I-I…" Loan stammered. In all truth, she hadn't come here to get away forever… she knew that was an impossible thing to ask for. But now… she could.
Is that really what you want?
Loan swallowed. Uncle Lincoln was nice to her, yes… but she barely knew him. Her mother had raised her herself from the moment she was born… she loved her, despite her flaws. She knew her, and she knew that she would do her best to make her happy.
You'll never be happy.
She could feel her heart rate increasing. Stay or go. Two options. Stay…
With a man you don't know.
...or go.
Why fight it? Go running into mommy's arms. You know you will. You always do.
Loan's chest began to tighten up again. Her vision was starting to blur. It was happening again.
Again? God, even the pills aren't enough for a basket case like you.
"I-I, um… I…!" Loan's breaths grew shallow; she had to choose. Stay or go. Stay or go.
Go. GO. RUN AWAY. RUN HOME TO MOMMY.
"Loan?"
A voice cut through the panic: his. Again… his. Loan turned her head towards her uncle; he was wearing that same benign expression as before.
"I know this is a lot to put on you," He said in a soothing tone. "Whatever you choose, we'll accept it." Why was he so nice to her? He knew what she was. She was an abomination, something that was never meant to exist… born from a terrible crime that he was the victim of. And yet, he still wanted her here.
He doesn't want you here. Who would? You're a freak. The fact that you exist at all has ruined his life.
But her mom was… her mom. She'd made mistakes, yes… but she'd always tried her best.
She's hurt you before. She'll hurt you again.
Her mom loved her. Her uncle didn't… he couldn't. He didn't know her.
He'll hurt you too. Just like HE did.
Loan squeezed her eyes shut and grit her teeth, trying her best to shut out the noise in her head. Uncle Lincoln would never do that, she told herself. He's a good person.
They always are, aren't they?
"Stop it…" She hissed under her breath. She knew the voice in her head was lying to her. It always did.
I only say what you're too scared to.
"I'm not scared…!"
Go with mommy, Loan. Better the devil you know, right?
"NO!"
"L-Loan?!" Lincoln leaned forward. "Are you-"
"I'm STAYING!" Loan practically shouted. A heavy silence fell over the room; both Lincoln and his sister wore a look of surprise on their faces, perhaps less due to her choice than the forceful manner in which she had made it. Loan was breathing heavily, as though simply making the choice had been as exhausting as a jog through the park. "I… I want to stay here," She said quietly. "I… want to stay with uncle Lincoln."
Lori had expected this. Quite frankly, she had wanted this… she knew that she wasn't what Loan needed. She knew that her daughter deserved better… she deserved her father. And yet, hearing it out loud, directly from her daughter's mouth, made her feel as though a vice was tightening around her heart. "I… I see." Lori stammered. She took a deep, shuddering breath. "Very well, then." She said in as stoic of a voice she could manage. "I-I suppose… I'll be on my way, then."
"Lori-"
"It's fine, Lincoln." Lori said, holding up her hand. "It's fine. This is… this is what she's chosen." Lori unsteadily got to her feet; it was taking all the resolve she had in her to fight back her tears. "I, um… I will call you tomorrow, then. To… sort everything out." Loan didn't respond. Once again, she couldn't bring herself to look at her mother. Lori bit her lip and averted her eyes from the girl in front of her. "Well then… goodnight, Loan." With that, Lori turned and briskly walked to the door.
"Lori, wait!" Lincoln called after his sister, but it was too late… she was gone. Lincoln sighed. "I'll be right back, Loan…" He said. Loan had withdrawn completely, her face buried into her knees… but she gave him a small nod nonetheless. Lincoln got up and hurried after Lori.

Thankfully, she hadn't left yet. Lori stood beside her sleek black Corvette, bracing herself against it as she wept. "Lori…" Lincoln muttered as he approached her. "I'm sorry." Lori shook her head, sniffling before wiping her eyes on her sleeve. Her streaking makeup ruined her blouse, but she didn't care… she could afford a new one.
"Don't apologize, Lincoln." Lori whispered. "She… made the right choice. I've done all I can for her." Even now, Lincoln felt nothing but sympathy for his sister. He knew he shouldn't, but he did. She loved Loan, that much was undeniable… and Lincoln was, for all intents and purposes, taking the girl away from her. "S-she…" Lori began. "It's okay if you ask her about her… disorders. She doesn't like when people dance around it."
"Right…" Lincoln said under his breath. "What, er-"
"Anxiety. Depression. PTSD. Mild OCD… that one's not so bad, though. She mostly manages that on her own." Lori explained. "I-I know it sounds bad, but as long as she has her medication she won't give you trouble."
Lincoln nodded. It had been abundantly clear that there was a lot going on with the poor girl, but he'd had no idea just how extensive her issues were. Still, he'd already made up his mind. He wouldn't reject her for being who she was. "Anything I should know?"
"Just make sure she's taken her medication," Lori said. "She doesn't have panic attacks often, and they're usually not so bad. And sometimes she may seem a bit distracted, but usually she's listening. A-and she loves snack foods, so… it's best she has her own stash. I've seen her tear through fifteen packs of Oreos in a single day..." Lori let out a wistful chuckle. "I'd never seen her so worked up in her life. And yet she never puts on weight, it's the damnedest thing…"
"Lori…"
"A-and sometimes she plays her music too loud, but she doesn't mean to… and if you see her biting her nails, just remind her not to… a-and…" Lori whimpered. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to let her baby girl go.
But she had to.
Lori looked up, her anguished blue eyes meeting her brother's. "Just… take care of her for me, Lincoln. She's… she's literally all I have." Lincoln couldn't help but smirk slightly as the word left her throat… a small remaining piece of her old self.
"You know I will," Lincoln said. In truth, he was still apprehensive about this whole thing himself… but even in the limited time he'd spent with his daughter, he'd grown attached. He'd grown to care for her almost immediately, as though he were guided by some paternal instinct. He wanted her in his life.
She was his daughter.
"I'll get things sorted out with her psychiatrist," His sister explained. "She mostly has phone appointments, so you won't have to travel to the city… often." Lori sighed. "I assume she'll want to meet you face-to-face. You could find a local one too, but she trusts Dr. Patel."
"That's fine," Lincoln assured her.
"And she'll need to get the rest of her things. The sooner the better… it will make her feel more at home."
"I can drive her out tomorrow, if she's willing." Lincoln said. He was thankful that he owned an SUV… it may not be the prettiest car in the world, but it had plenty of storage space.
"One…one more thing." Lori unzipped her purse and got out the bottle of Xanax. "Here," She said as she handed it to her brother. "You need to hold onto this one. It's only for when she has bad panic attacks… and I mean bad ones. Even then, you can't use it too often. It's… not great for her."
Lincoln frowned as he looked down at the bottle. He'd heard that Xanax was some pretty serious stuff. "I'll keep an eye on it."
"Thank you." There was an uneasy silence between the two… neither was quite sure where to leave things, now. For a moment, it looked as though she were about to hug him, but she quickly backed off. Lincoln wasn't even sure if he could have accepted it if she had. She was his sister, yes… but she was also his rapist. She had hidden the truth from him for twenty-one years. She'd hidden his daughter from him for twenty-one years.
But he still loved her.
"Well… I-I'll talk to you tomorrow, then." Lori muttered. "Goodnight, Lincoln."
"Yeah…" Was all Lincoln could say as his sister got into her car and pulled out of his driveway. He watched as she drove off in silence; this all almost felt like a dream to him. In barely over two hours, Lori had reentered his life… bringing the revelation that not only had she forced herself upon him as a child, but had given birth to his daughter. And now, that daughter was living with him. Just like that.
Lincoln let out a deep sigh. He began to wonder if perhaps he had bitten off more than he could chew… but then again, he had always been one to favor his heart over his brain. He wasn't even sure how he was supposed to explain this, especially to Bobby. He had already introduced her as the boy's cousin, and he was at least smart enough to realize that her being his half-sister as well was somewhat unusual.
Well, he couldn't worry about that right now. Lincoln went back inside to see Loan still in the same position he had left her in. For a moment he thought she had fallen asleep, but then she lifted her head. "Is she gone…?"
"…Yeah."
Loan gave a small nod, looking away from him. She seemed distant in a way different than before… she didn't seem nervous, just confused. He could hardly blame her; her entire life had just changed in an instant, as had his. "Are you going to be okay?" He asked as he sat down beside her. He couldn't help but notice that she didn't try to move away this time… though he supposed she had nowhere to go anyway. She was already huddled as far into the corner as she could go.
"…I think so." Loan said. She slowly released her legs, sliding back down into a normal seated position. "I, um… the pill is working now. So… I'll be fine." She did sound a lot more evened-out than before, at least.
"That's good." Lincoln twiddled his thumbs in his lap; this was more awkward than he had anticipated. Just what was he supposed to say to a daughter he never knew he had? "Sooo… I guess you're living here now."
Well, at least he tried.
"Yeah… I guess so." Loan muttered. She glanced around briefly, taking in her surroundings once more. This place was nice, to be sure… she'd never mentioned it to her mother, but the hard edges of their modern-styled apartment always made her a bit uncomfortable. But her uncle's house felt… rounder. Friendlier. It felt like a home.
…But was it hers?
"Um…" Her uncle coughed. "Would you like to see your room…?"
"Y-yeah… alright." Loan replied. She knew fully well that Lincoln was just as lost as she was. She couldn't blame him.
You're intruding on his life.
Loan ignored her intrusive thoughts. She was already here… she'd already made up her mind. Loan picked up her duffel bag off the floor and turned back to her uncle. "Um… thank you." She mumbled.
"Nothing to thank me for, Loan." Lincoln said with a smile. Loan couldn't help but return a small one herself. "C'mon… it's upstairs."
"O-okay." Loan muttered. She wasn't too fond of stairs… or heights in general, really. That's why her mother had gone out of her way to get an apartment on the ground floor, one of many things Loan felt immensely grateful to her for. Still, dealing with stairs was a necessity of life, and Loan had learned how to manage it. As she followed her father up the stairs, she counted each step in her mind. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seve- six, Loan caught herself as she lost her footing. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Loan breathed a sigh of relief; if it had been fourteen steps, she might not have been able to manage it.
Although… does the second floor itself count as a step…?
Loan shook the thought aside. It's thirteen, she told herself. Not fourteen.

Ronnie sat on her bed with her arms crossed, positively fuming with rage. Never in her life had she been so furious with her husband… they'd had their fights before, of course, like any other couple. But this wasn't a mere squabble; Lincoln had just accepted a strange woman into their home, permanently. Lincoln had accepted that whore's inbred child without hesitation. She could hardly be surprised… Lincoln had never been particularly rational when it came to family matters.
She immediately got to her feet as she heard the doorknob turn. It was him, of course… Ronnie shot him the fiercest glare he'd ever seen, but surprisingly he was the first one to speak. "We need to talk."
"Oh? Now we need to talk. Great. Wonderful." Ronnie snapped. "Here I thought my words counted for nothing in this house."
"Ronnie-"
"No. You fucking listen to me, Lincoln." Ronnie snarled, jabbing her finger into her husband's chest. "I have put up with enough tonight. You completely disregarded me. You made the stupidest decision of your life without even consulting me."
"Stupid decision…?" Lincoln scoffed. "Taking in my own daughter is a stupid decision to you?"
"Yes! This isn't some child, Lincoln! This is an adult! A special needs adult, no less!"
"She's not an invalid, Ronnie." Lincoln said. "She's not incapable. You talked to her, you saw for yourself, didn't you?"
"What I saw was a grown woman spazzing out like some mental case!" His wife shot back. "For fuck's sake, she's inbred, Lincoln! There's something wrong with her!"
"There's nothing wrong with her, Ronnie!" Lincoln hissed. "She just needs some help getting on her own two feet!"
"Then let her whore mother deal with it! She raped you, Lincoln! This… thing is not your-"
"THAT 'THING' IS MY DAUGHTER!" Lincoln shouted. "MY FUCKING DAUGHTER, RONNIE!" His wife shrunk back slightly; she'd clearly struck a nerve. "You… you wouldn't do any different in my position… if that girl was yours and Bobby's-"
"Don't you dare-"
"YOU WOULDN'T DO ANY DIFFERENT!" Her husband roared. "I am not abandoning Loan! I am not abandoning my own fucking daughter! And just because you can't forgive Lori does not give you the right to take it out on her! Do you fucking understand me, Ronnie?!"
"I… I…" Ronnie stammered. She couldn't think of a good response to that… she'd never heard her husband so angry before. He hadn't even been this mad at Lori. "I… think you should sleep on the couch tonight." She said quietly, turning away from him.
"Yeah," Lincoln huffed. "I was thinking the same thing." With that he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Loan sat on her bed, allowing herself to take in what was now her new home. It was larger than her room at the apartment, but considerably more plain… made sense to her, considering that this was a guest room. She figured she'd feel more at home once she put up her posters. If it was alright with her aunt and uncle, at least… she wasn't about to start sticking thumbtacks into their walls without permission.
All in all the room was very… beige. White, and beige. Loan didn't mind this… the colors were very relaxing to look at. She also had a nice queen-size bed, which felt to be in good shape… she had worn out the springs on her own mattress years ago, and she'd never worked up the nerve to ask her mother for a new one. The blanket was just the way she liked them, too: soft and thick. And it smelled clean too, unlike her own. The whole room smelled clean, free from the scent of stale cheesy snacks and unwashed clothing. She didn't mean to let her room get so messy, it just kind of… did. But she'd do her best to keep this one in decent shape.
It's not yours, after all.
The one thing that did give her pause was the vanity mirror in the corner. Loan didn't much care for mirrors, but much like stairs, she had forced herself to get used to them. Still… she couldn't help but feel a bit uncomfortable.
Loan sighed. She figured now might be a good time to take her medication. It was late, but she'd been at this for a while… she'd take it tomorrow in the afternoon, the day after at noon, and the day after that she would go back to her morning schedule.
Normally she'd put them in the medicine cabinet, but this floor had a shared bathroom… and she liked to keep her meds close by. She opened a large Ziploc bag filled with five pill bottles. One by one she removed them, setting each bottle down on the nightstand. Alphabetic order, labels facing out, neatly arranged in a straight line. She took them alphabetically as well, though she knew fully well that there was no reason to do this. She supposed it was like holding down the B button when catching a Pokémon… did nothing to help, but it sure felt like it did.
She'd gotten used to swallowing them dry over the years, as she often didn't want to bother getting a drink. Of course, the kitchen was only a brief walk from her bedroom, but Loan tended to not do things until she felt she had to. This habit had led to more than one bathroom emergency, but thankfully those had always worked out alright.
So far, at least.
Loan figured she should get changed… she'd been wearing the same clothes for two days straight, after all. She had to pat herself on the back for that one, as she was quite accustomed to going longer than that.
She slid off her sweater, followed by her Dragon Ball t-shirt, though few would be able to recognize it as such considering how much it had faded over the years. Next, her sweatpants; she rarely wore anything else, as jeans were far too constricting for her to handle. Underneath that, she wore a simple pair of boxers. She knew they were for men, but she liked them. She did, however, regret not wearing a bra today… as well as forgetting to pack any into her bag. She didn't particularly like wearing them, but like her mother she had a fairly ample bosom. Unlike her mother, however, she'd much rather be rid of the damn things. All they did was get in the way.
She changed into a plain white t-shirt and a pair of Batman pajama bottoms. She couldn't remember the last time she had gotten new clothes, not that it mattered… it wasn't like she had anyone to impress. As for her dirty clothes, she opted to drape them over the vanity mirror. They didn't completely cover it, but they covered enough for her to feel content.
Loan went about her business almost robotically, unpacking the rest of her belongings in complete silence. She hadn't brought much… just the essentials. Well, essentials for her. This consisted of a few extra clothes, her laptop, a sketchbook, several handhelds including a Game Gear of all things, and something that looked like a small plastic cube with different components on all sides. Nowhere in this assortment was any sort of toiletry bag… no toothbrush or toothpaste to speak of. The thought of bringing them had never even crossed her mind.
Loan picked up the small cube and flopped down on her new bed. She idly played with the fidgeter in her hand, clicking one of the buttons rapidly, then flicking the switch back and forth as she stared at the ceiling. She wasn't sure what to do now. It was all so surreal to her… she was in a completely different room, in a completely different home, with a completely different set of people. She'd come down here on her own volition, leaving her home on her own, just to have a place to escape to for a few days… and now she was living here.
Without her mother.
Loan frowned as she stared at the textured ceiling. If she looked closely, she could make out little shapes and figures that she knew fully well weren't really there. Still, it gave her something to focus on for the time being. She couldn't force herself to draw right now, and playing a game seemed unappealing too… she considered firing up her laptop, but without the WiFi password there was little she could do with it. She regretted not asking for the password while her uncle was still up, but she figured she was already being enough of a bother as is. Thanks to her little nap earlier, she wouldn't be able to get to sleep even if she tried. She figured tonight was just going to be one of those nights.
Before long, she felt a familiar pressure in her bladder. Loan sighed as she pushed herself up; as much as she wanted to tune everything out and just exist for a few hours, she couldn't ignore the call of nature for very long. Loan slid out of bed, her sock-clad feet touching the carpeted floor. She always wore socks… she didn't particularly like feet, hers nor anyone else's. There was just something about the way they looked that was off-putting to the girl.
Lori tip-toed her way across the room, fairly certain that her room was right above the master bedroom. Unfortunately for her, the bathroom was all the way down at the opposite end of the hall… not a great distance, but a bit more than she could feel happy about. As she made her way down the hall she noticed a soft light and even softer noise coming from downstairs, but she couldn't bring herself to look. She hated heights, after all.
To her dismay, the bathroom had one of those mirrors that stretched along the entire back wall. She couldn't very well cover that one, not that she would anyway… this wasn't her room, after all. Instead, she just made sure to stare at the floor as she walked to the toilet. Thankfully, there was no mirror on the opposite wall.
It didn't take very long to relieve herself… she hadn't had much to drink in a while, not that she was particularly thirsty. Loan flushed and got up, pulling her pants and underpants back up around her waist. Once again, she was sure to keep her eyes trained on the floor as she walked to the sink; she knew she would get better at dealing with this in time. She always did.
Loan may not have been one for personal hygiene, but she was always sure to wash her hands thoroughly. She could still slightly see her reflection out of her peripheral vision, which she was fine with… still, she took a deep breath and forced herself to look up.
There she was. Same as ever… an absolute wreck of a human being. Slightly worse than usual in fact, though she could excuse that given the circumstances. She never liked looking at herself, be it through a mirror or through a photograph… though she greatly preferred the latter. A photograph, after all, could be fixed. But her reflection? Nothing could be done about that. She hated the fact that she looked like her mother, but not because she hated her. Rather, she could only feel as though she had no identity of her own. She was nothing more than a flawed, imperfect copy of her mother, and even with her hair grown out past her shoulders that was all she would ever be.
Loan gingerly touched one of the dark bags under her eyes. It was puffy and soft to the touch; she gently pulled down on it to look at her eye, finding it to be slightly bloodshot. She realized now that, much like her chapstick, she had forgotten to bring her eye drops with her. Still, they weren't particularly uncomfortable.
What was uncomfortable was her dry lips. Loan glanced over at the medicine cabinet to her left. She didn't like touching other people's things without permission, but she knew that licking her lips would just make them worse. Thankfully, among the various multivitamins and children's cologne was a tube of Neosporin. It wasn't chapstick, but it would do. She dabbed a small amount onto her finger, then smeared it across her lower lip. Then, she rolled her upper lip against it, spreading it evenly across her lips. The effect was instantaneous, and Loan breathed a small sigh of relief.
As she made her way back to her room, Loan once again noticed the faint glow and sounds coming from the living room. This time, she ventured a peek over the banister; down below, Lincoln sat on the couch with the afghan laying across his lap, watching television with the volume turned down low. She couldn't quite see what he was watching, but it sounded… familiar. Music that she swore she had heard before, overlaid with voices. They sounded Japanese.
Was he watching anime?
Loan's curiosity got the better of her, and she carefully started to descend the stairs. Certainly a quick look wouldn't hurt. But upon reaching the second to last step, the wooden surface creaked beneath her feet. Loan froze. That was loud… there was no doubt in her mind that her uncle had heard it.
He had.
Lincoln turned his head, his look of surprise fading to a warm smile upon seeing his daughter. "Hey."
"H-hey." She wanted to apologize for disturbing him, but he seemed… happy to see her. She wasn't used to that. Still she remained in place, unsure of exactly what she was supposed to do.
"You can come down if you like," Lincoln offered. "I could… use the company, honestly."
"O-okay…" Loan muttered. She took her last step and shuffled over to the couch a bit awkwardly. Looking up at the TV, she realized that she knew this anime… quite well, in fact. It was one of her favorites, one she had watched many times before. "…Akira."
"You've seen it?"
Loan nodded, a small smile crossing her face. "I love this movie."
"Do you… want to join me?" He asked. "There's room under the blanket for two."
Loan considered his offer for a moment. Under normal circumstances, sharing a blanket with a man she barely knew would be a terrifying prospect. But she knew this man would never hurt her. He was far too kind for that. "…Okay." She said. Lincoln smirked; as she circled around to the front of the couch, he held up the afghan for her. "Thank you," Loan muttered as she slid in beside him, closer than even she had expected to.
For some time, the two watched the film in silence. It felt… surprisingly comfortable. Lori had never really taken an interest in her daughter's hobbies… on the rare occasions they had watched television together, it was always something like Law & Order or House of Cards… quite frankly, their tastes couldn't have been further apart.
"So… are you settling in alright?" Lincoln asked. Loan hesitated briefly, then nodded.
"I think so. I will, at least. It's kind of… overwhelming, right now."
"I can understand that," Said Lincoln. "This is a big change for you."
"You, too." Loan muttered. "I'm sorry I just… butted into your life like this."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Loan." Lincoln sighed. "You didn't know either, right?" Loan shook her head sadly.
"I didn't."
Another silence fell over the pair. The whole situation was… jarring, to say the least. Lincoln glanced at his daughter; it was immediately apparent that she was far more grounded than she had been before. She wasn't trembling in fear, nor was she wringing her hands nervously. He noticed her eye twitch slightly, but figured that was something she couldn't really control. "You seem to be feeling better."
"Yeah… I took my meds." She explained. "They… help a lot, like I said."
"I see." Lincoln said as he tapped his finger against his knee. He remembered what Lori said about her… that she didn't like when people danced around the issue. Besides, he figured that if he was going to be caring for the girl from now on, he should know more about her medications. "So, um… what do you take, if you don't mind me asking?"
"One for my anxiety and depression," Loan replied. "One for my OCD. Another one just to… even me out. The last two are to counteract the side effects of the first three." Loan let out a small sigh. "I'm… a bit of a mess."
"Nah," Her father assured her. "There's nothing wrong with it. I take medication too, y'know?"
"You do…?" Loan looked over to him.
"Nothing major, though. Just to regulate my blood pressure." Lincoln explained. "But… I do need it. So I can understand."
"I see." Loan glanced back towards the TV. It was the scene where Kaori was nearly assaulted by the Clown gang… surprisingly, such scenes never really bothered her. She was able to distinguish between reality and fiction quite well. She didn't like the word itself, though; she could bear it, but whenever she heard it, be it in a movie or in real life, a chill ran up her spine.
While she was distracted, Lincoln couldn't help but take note of her slovenly, unkempt appearance… even after the change of clothes. "Sooo… OCD, huh?"
Loan gave a short laugh under her breath. "I know. People usually think it's weird… but it's not really like how they show it in the movies. Some people feel like they have to keep everything clean… I don't." The young woman scratched her cheek. "I… don't like mirrors. Or stairs. And I need to take my pills a certain way, or I get… antsy. There's a few other things too, but they're minor." Lincoln looked as though he were about to speak, but she continued. "You don't need to worry about that, though. I can cope with it." Lincoln nodded; Lori had said that she managed her OCD well.
"I'm not too worried," Lincoln said. "But you can tell me if something's bothering you, too. I'm… new to all this, but I'll try my best."
"I know," Loan smiled. "You're… a nice person, uncle Lincoln."
"I try, at least…" Lincoln chuckled. "I just want to do right by you."
The two continued watching the movie in silence for a bit. "I'm… glad you like this kind of stuff," Loan said. "Anime and video games and stuff, I mean… mom never did."
"Well, I dunno 'bout that…" Said her father. "She actually used to be pretty damn good at Turbo Fighter back in the day."
"Really…? Mom?" Loan asked in disbelief.
"Oh yeah. I only beat her a few times… flukes, mostly." Lincoln scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "I still play, though… even though the new ones aren't so good, anymore."
"I'm terrible at Turbo Fighter," Loan admitted. "I'm really good at Beastborne, though."
"Ugh, I'm terrible at that." Lincoln groaned. "I'm still stuck at the cathedral… I've been picking away at it for months with no progress."
"I could help," Loan offered. "I'd, um… I'd like to play some games with you, sometime… if you want, that is."
"I'd like that," Lincoln said with a smirk. The two went back to watching as Tetsuo escaped from the hospital, slaughtering anyone that got in his way.
"Um…" Loan began, looking down at her lap. "Mom… told you what happened to me, didn't she…"
"…Yeah." Lincoln frowned. "I'm… sorry."
"Don't be," Loan whispered. "You didn't have anything to do with it… besides, the same happened to you, right…?"
"W-well, I guess…" Lincoln muttered. "I… don't think it could compare, though." He figured it was best not to mention the fact that, at some level… he had enjoyed it. "Loan, look…" He sighed. "I'm sorry I… hadn't been there for you. I know it's not my fault," He cut in as Loan opened her mouth to speak. "But I'm sorry anyway."
"It's okay." Loan folded her hands in her lap, twiddling her thumbs. "Uh… don't take this the wrong way… but I'm still not sure if I… made the right choice. This is… a lot, for me." Rather than taking offense, Lincoln gave his daughter a supportive, understanding smile.
"I wouldn't expect you to." He assured her. "This is a big change. But I won't force you to stay… if you decide you'd rather go with your mother, I'll understand."
"I… I know." Said Loan, barely above a whisper. "But I won't. I made my choice, and if I went back now… there'd be no point to any of this."
Lincoln pursed his lips in thought. "Loan… we may not really know each other, but for what it's worth… I'm proud of you." Loan glanced at him again, wearing a look of surprise upon her face. "You… made a big step today. For better or for worse, I can't say… but regardless of the past, I'm glad to finally have you in my life." Loan seemed stunned by his words… this man didn't even know her, and yet he accepted her. He wanted her here, even knowing how damaged she was. A smile spread across the girl's face… shaky, but genuine.
"…Th-thank you, uncle Lincoln…"
"You… don't need to thank me," He replied. "And you don't need to call me that, anymore. You can call me dad… if you want to, anyway."
"O-oh… right... " Loan mumbled sheepishly. "I-I mean… thank you. Dad." Her face scrunched up slightly as the words left her mouth; she bit her lip, looking away from the man. "…Dad…"
"Loan…?" Lincoln frowned, leaning forward as he noticed tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "Are you okay?"
"Y-yeah…" The overwhelmed girl said softly as it began to set in. "I-it's just… you're my dad," She choked. "I… I have a dad."
Lincoln smiled, feeling his own eyes growing damp. He sniffed, quickly thumbing the side of his nose. "…And I have a daughter."
Loan nodded. She began to gasp in small, short breaths… and then, the dam burst. She threw herself into her father's arms, sobbing openly into his chest. He wrapped his arms around the girl, holding her tightly against him; he wanted to cry as well, but he managed to hold back his tears for her sake. She felt so small in his arms, so fragile… and yet, she was a stronger person than he could ever hope to be. She'd endured so much. She'd suffered so much.
But he wouldn't let anyone hurt her again.

Q&A
Is this continuing/is this a one-shot?
This is one I get on a lot of my works. General rule of thumb with me: if it says 'The End' at the bottom, it is complete. If not, it is ongoing. This does not necessarily mean I won't do a sequel at some point, and in fact I might even decide to continue a one-shot if I feel it has somewhere to go. In any case, this rule is in effect here, too... this fic is far from over!
Will the other siblings be involved?
I use characters as I need them, or at least if I feel I can do something interesting or funny with them. I never want to insert a character just for the sake of doing so, though I do try to at least mention what they're up to if the opportunity presents itself. Admittedly, I'm better at writing some more than others... Luan in particular is a challenge for me, hence why her role in my stories has been fairly limited thus far. Definitely expect to see at least some of Lincoln's sisters appear!
Will you ever use the other sin kids?
As I mentioned, I am not particularly a fan of most of the sin kids... that said, should I write a fic where Lincoln has a child with one of his sisters, I will use them as that's what is expected; I know fully well that the fandom gets pretty pissy when new kids are created. However, I've recently warmed up to both Lupa and Lemy, so who knows... I can think of one story that might be due for a sequel. ;)
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