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Whoops	By : GeorgeGlass Category: +G through L > The Loud House Views: 100034 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 8
Disclaimer: I do not own or even rent The Loud House. (If I did, my security deposit would be long gone by now.) I made no money from writing this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 2

“Whoops?” Lincoln repeated with a recriminating glare.

Unperturbed by Lincoln’s expression, Lisa mused, “Interesting that even Lucy is affected by the pheromone despite her preadolescent physiology. Although that would explain why I have taken several involuntary glances at your genital region since this conversation began.”

“You have?” Lincoln asked uncomfortably, then awkwardly turned sideways to Lisa.

“I suppose my relatively diminutive stature makes such behaviors inconspicuous.”

Lincoln took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “So what do we do now?”

“We need to capture Pythagoras and place him in a negative-pressure container,” Lisa replied. “However, given that he is somewhere in the bowels of the ventilation system, our first objective should be to turn up the thermoshtat.”

“Why?”

“Because if the ambient temperature inside the house rises to the point that the central air conditioning is activated, it will blow the pheromone into every room, in which case-”

Lincoln heard a loud click, and he suddenly felt a breeze as cool air began to blow from the vent in his room.

“-every female here will be exposed,” Lisa sighed.

“Oh, jeez,” Lincoln moaned. “So all our sisters are gonna go nuts? Even Lily?”

“Extrapolating from the responses I have observed thus far, I theorize that the effects of the pheromone are moderated by stage of neurohormonal development. Therefore, I expect that Lily’s reaction will be relatively mild.”

***

Lily had been napping in her crib with a pacifier in her mouth. Now she yawned and sat up.

The fifteen-month-old looked around for a moment, frowning. Then she popped the pacifier out of her mouth and shoved it down the front of her diaper. She made a few adjustments, broke into a wide smile, then lay down again and fell back to sleep.

***

Reaching into her pocket, Lisa said, “I’m going to have to put the house on lockdown.”

“You can do that?” Lincoln asked.

Lisa pulled out a remote, on which she pressed a small red button. Suddenly, a steel shutter slid down and closed with a clang over Lincoln’s bedroom window, and Lincoln could hear the same thing happening with all the other windows and doors in the house.

“I can do a lot of things,” Lisa replied.

“But now I’m trapped in here with our deranged sisters!” Lincoln cried.

“We can’t allow them to run amok among the general populace,” Lisa replied. Then, in a lower voice, she added, “Also, if the local research ethics committee gets wind of this, they’re going to have my glutei maximi in a shling.”

“Okay, but when is this stuff going to wear off?” Lincoln asked anxiously.

“Hmm…given the concentration of the pheromone, the volume of air in the house, and the pheromone’s metabolic half-life, I’d say approximately…three hours and fourteen minutes.”

“I can’t hide in here for three hours!” Lincoln whispered to Lisa.

“And fourteen minutes.”

“Can’t you make an antidote or something?” Lincoln asked desperately.

“Perhapsh,” Lisa replied. “But I will need to make use of the equipment in my room. And I will require your assistance.”

From somewhere in the upstairs hallway, Lincoln heard Lola call, “Oh, Lincooooln! Where aaaaare yooooouu?”

“Oh, great,” Lincoln moaned. “Pretty soon there’s gonna be a whole mob of our sisters out there. How are we supposed to get past them?”

“Hmm,” Lisa replied. She looked Lincoln over, her gaze lingering on his shoulders and then his hips. “I estimate that you are slightly too large to pass through the vents in our respective bedrooms. Therefore, I will return to my room via the air ducts and, once there, devise some means by which to get you there unmolested.” She cleared her throat and added, “As it were.”

***

Minutes later, Lisa had left Lincoln’s room via the vent. Now a series of rapid clicks—resembling those made by the communicators in Lincoln’s favorite sci-fi movie franchise, Space Sojourn—sounded from the boy’s laptop where it sat on his desk. Lincoln went over to the computer and tapped a key to accept the incoming video call, hoping it might be Clyde coming to his aid. Instead, the head that appeared on the screen was blonde and topped with a tiara.

“Hello, Lincoln,” Lola said in her signature tone—sweetness with a dash of menace. “I was just trying on swimsuits for next week’s Miss Darling and Delightful pageant, and I need a boy’s opinion: Do you think this one’s too revealing?”

She backed away from the camera so that Lincoln could see her body in full. The boy immediately slapped a hand over his eyes.

“Yes! Too revealing!” he cried. “It’s basically just a pink ribbon you put around your- And it doesn’t even cover your- your-”

“Aww, you don’t like it?” Lola replied with mock sadness. “Well, don’t worry, I won’t wear it.”

Lincoln parted his first two fingers, trying to block out everything except Lola’s face. But it seemed that the girl had moved her webcam, because instead he was looking right at her little bare bottom, which she wiggled sexily at the camera.

“Aw, jeez, Lola!” Lincoln cried, closing his fingers and slapping a second hand on top of the first.

“Lincoln, you look at my adorable ass when I’m talking to you!” Lola shouted. “I don’t do eighty mule kicks a day for nothing, you know!”

Lincoln slammed shut the cover of his laptop. Then he shoved the device under his mattress and sat on it for good measure.

***

Lisa, crawling through an air duct, heard Lori talking in her room. The pint-sized science whiz looked through the vent and saw her eldest sister using her laptop, tablet, and phone simultaneously to video-chat with her boyfriend.

“Hi, Bobby,” Lori was saying, her tone even more lovey-dovey than usual. “I really, really want to see you right now, but I’m trapped in this stupid house.”

“Bummer, babe,” Bobby replied.

“Serious bummer. But,” the girl went on, beginning to unbutton her top, “you can still see me.”

“Hmm,” Lisa muttered to herself. “Looks like I’d best terminate telecommunications.”

She took out her remote and pressed a button. On all of Lori’s devices, Bobby’s face was suddenly replaced by the words NO SIGNAL.

“What the actual hell?!” Lori shouted.

***

Lincoln sat on his bed, nervously hugging his knees to his chest as he listened to the crowd that had formed outside his bedroom door.

“Lincoln, come on out, bro,” Luna called. “We just wanna crowd-surf you. It’ll be fun!” Lincoln shuddered at the thought of being held helplessly aloft by eight pairs of roaming, grabbing, groping sister-hands.

“I just want to bite you a little,” Lucy added. “I promise not to draw blood...unless you want me to...”

“Aw, he’s not comin’ out,” Lynn said with audible disappointment. Then her tone brightened as she added, “But we could bust down the door!”

“No need,” Lana replied. “Lemme grab my tools; I’ll have this baby off its hinges before you can say ‘Black and Decker.’”

Well, I guess this is it. I don’t know exactly what my sisters are going to do to me once they get in here, but I’m pretty sure I’m not going to live through it. If you’re reading this, tell Mom and Dad I love them, and make sure Clyde gets my Amazinger T action figures. *sniff* Some of them are mint in box. And tell my sisters that I know this wasn’t their fault. Well, except Lisa, ‘cause this is totally her fault, and now she’s left me here to die, and I hope the research ethics committee nails her right to the wa-

“Hello?” a male voice called from somewhere downstairs. “Hey, is anybody here? We’re from Boyz Will Be Boyz, and our band bus broke down in the rain. We really need to get out of these wet clothes.”

The girls outside Lincoln’s door went quiet. Then Lincoln heard Lynn ask, “Wait, is it actually raining outside?”

“Who cares?!” cried Lori.

“Good point!” answered Lynn.

There was a sound like a stampede as the girls charged down the stairs.

“Dibs on Donny!” Lori shouted. “He’s the sensitive one!”

“I call Razor!” Luna yelled. “I love a misunderstood bad boy!”

Moments later, there were three rapid knocks on Lincoln’s bedroom door. “Lincoln! The coasht is clear!”

Okay, forget what I said about Lisa.

***

A minute later, the horde of Lincoln’s pheromone-maddened sisters marched back up the stairs, clearly displeased by their discovery that the sweet male voice that had drawn them down to the living room had turned out to be some sort of synthesized audio file that was playing on the TV.

“Hey!” Leni exclaimed. “Lincoln’s door is open!”

The girls all rushed into Lincoln’s room and began tearing the place apart trying to find him.

“Where is he?” Lori demanded, dropping down to look under Lincoln’s bed and seeing only darkness and dust bunnies.

Lana sat back on her haunches like a dog and sniffed the air, and Lola ran to her twin’s side. “What is it, girl?”

Lana looked around for a moment, then put her face to the floor and went down the hallway on all fours, sniffing rapidly as she went. She stopped at the door to Lisa and Lily’s room, then pointed at it with her nose like a hunting dog.

“Lincoln’s in there?”

Lana nodded rapidly.

“Good girl!” Lola said, pulling a dog biscuit out of her dress and tossing it to Lana. The girl leaped up and caught it in her mouth.

***

Lisa and Lincoln now stood before Lisa’s chemistry table. The four-year-old prodigy was stirring up some sort of concoction in a beaker, while Lincoln handed her various chemicals and instruments as she asked for them. Suddenly, his eyes widened.

“Um, Lisa?” he said anxiously. “Why is your hand on my butt?”

“Given,” Lisa replied, “that my relative youth and laser-like mental focus have not rendered me entirely immune to the effects of the pheromone, I am making this single concession to my primal mating urges in the hope of mollifying them sufficiently to allow me to complete my task.”

“Okay, fine, but hurry,” Lincoln pleaded. “I don't think it'll be too much longer before the other girls figure out where I-”

Suddenly there was a loud pounding on the door.

“-am,” Lincoln finished meekly.
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