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Pedo or Xeno	By : Andyouthinkimcrazy Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > Slash - Male/Male Views: 7330 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim or The Dog Whisperer. I don't make any money off of this.

Chapter List
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Note: Sorry for the delay, guys. I got sick, depressed, had a birthday... then got an adorable kitten! So... I was mostly distracted from this story. X3 But here's chapter two... also filled with humor rather than rape. Oh well! Enjoy! Also... Shania Twain and her song aren't mine... and I make no money for this story.

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After a mostly peaceful walk, excluding Gir’s singing of Shania Twain’s “Man I Feel Like a Woman”, Zim noticed they were approaching the Dib-human’s house. He had the time to wonder if he was ready to expand his ‘pack’ before Gir took off running; Zim was pulled across the street, a car barely missing him, so that Gir could tackle his favorite big-headed human, “Big-head boy!”

Gir’s green arms were wrapped tightly around one of the human’s legs, and even though Dib tried to kick him off the robot wouldn’t budge. If Zim hadn’t known better in his Mighty Irken brain meats he’d have thought Gir was humping Dib’s leg.

“Gah! What are you trying to pull, Zim!?” Dib cried as he switched from kicking to trying to pry the little robot away with his hands. Gir only looked up at him and started talking about how much he loved the human. Zim wondered if, maybe, he could teach Gir to attack while he was showing his ‘love’ to the human. Nevertheless, he had to master this ‘walk’ first.

Finally Zim tugged the leash and Gir flopped off to the side, his head turning to look at him with the dopey costume eyes. For a moment it seemed as if he’d been snapped out of it, but his head whirled back around so he could extend his arms for another hug. A correction was made, but Gir seemed determined to cling to the human; Zim tugged Gir back four more times before finally realizing he needed something more to deter Gir. On the next tug, instead of that ridiculous sound that human made for the dogs, Zim called the robot’s name, forcefully pulling Gir around and staring him down.

Gir was confused, but Dib was utterly floored by Zim’s lack of raging; had he lost his voice or something? But, the human noticed, Zim didn’t even seem aggravated; it was like he was suddenly a whole new alien, “Alright, I give, what did you do with Zim?”

“What?” Zim asked, his eye contact with Gir being disconnect; the SIR unit, however, remained sitting where he was left, “Zim has done nothing to himself!” the green-skinned impostor cried, “Why the sudden concern, human? Have you finally realized that fighting Zim is a pointless battle filled with your pointless, pointless failures!? You’re wasting your time, human; Zim does not spare enemies! Only My Tallest can decide to keep you alive... and they won’t! Cuz you’ll be dead already!”

Dib’s expression became deadpan as he shared a look with the alien, “Ok, so you are Zim.” the human concluded after a moment before looking down at Gir. It took him a moment to realize what Zim was up to; it had taken Zim months, but it seemed he was finally trying to make Gir obey him. Though his method was pretty strange it seemed to be working... and he couldn’t let Zim gain any upper hand. To add to that he liked Gir; Zim’s robot had helped him several times whether he meant to or not, it would be a shame to lose that.

“Hey, Gir, waffles!” Dib raised his arm and started pointing in random directions, making sure to smack Zim across the face so he wouldn’t be able to stop Gir’s inevitable response in time. The alien’s servant hopped up with a squeal; and, just as predicted, Zim was too consumed with revenge to worry over Gir. The robot started off down the street, but at the end of the leash he suddenly veered, swooping behind Dib with a near hysterical cry about the mentioned food-stuffs.

The leash’s tug on his own wrist had been enough to distract Zim from hitting Dib back, but it had snapped him back to the reality that was his failing mission to train Gir, “Gi—“ was all Zim could get out before Gir was off again; the leash tugged tightly against his legs, and in seconds he was smashed up against Dib: their balance precarious and dependent on the other.

Calm and assertive be damned! “Stop it right now, Gir!” he demanded with a growl as the little robot scrambled up the Dib-human’s back to get a better look for the elusive waffles.

Dib might have been thrilled at Zim’s loss of control if he weren’t effectively tied to his enemy because of it. One of his arms was wrapped around Zim’s back for support, but the other was free. He reached to tug at the leash, but Gir only made it tighter when he swung around Zim’s neck to wrap his padded costume arms around both of them; the pull of his little arms only squished his face against Zim’s.

“Awww!” The little robot cooed as he nuzzled their squished faces, “I loooooove yoooooou! Master looks so cute with his boyfriend!”

“What!?” The alien screeched in reply, prompting more giggles from Gir and a wince from Dib. Sure, the human was more than disturbed by Gir’s innocent suggestion; but he wasn’t about to start screaming his face off like Zim, “There is no way! I hate that filthy, stinky, Earth-beast! I’d sooner rip out my own eyes before starting any form of relationship with this disgusting dirt-monkey!”

Dib scowled and squirmed against the leash still holding him against his alien nemesis, “And you’re so charming Zim.” He muttered, glare meeting Zim’s hidden eyes, “You’re a jerk and I hate you!”

Zim only smirked in reply, head tilting up proudly; Dib couldn’t understand why until the alien continued, “But Zim is...” he seemed to struggle for a moment before his eyes lit up when he’d found what he’d been searching for, “a ‘vixen’!” You filthy humans can ignore it all you want, but you want ZIM!”

Dib scowled as he looked down at the top of the short alien’s head; obviously Zim had no idea what he was talking about. Smirking Dib took a step towards the extraterrestrial, “Yeah... on my dissection table!” Dib, ignoring Gir’s clinging, threw his weight forward; it upset their balance and soon he was grappling with Zim while Gir giggled away in his ear.

“Dog-pile on Master!” Gir screamed, bouncing up and down next to the struggling pair; Zim’s head cracked against the filth-human’s a few times from the pull of the leash before he reached to aggressively pull Gir off his feet.

Dragging the little robot across the ground Zim drew Gir up to his face to scream, “Gir, stop moving, now!” Dib winced once more from the noise while Gir saluted, said he would obey, and followed the orders for a full thirty seconds; it was then he broke out in dance, metal arms wobbling like strands of spaghetti while he shook his metal butt from side to side.

Zim exploded in anger; his plan was failing all thanks to the stink-beast who was pinning him to the ground. He considered impaling the human on one of his PAK legs, but before he could Dib interrupted, “Geez, Zim, can’t you at least wait until we’re untangled to—“ Of course, the human never got to finish; with a calming breath-though it still left him tense-Zim ‘bit’ two fingers and a thumb into Dib’s shoulder. Dib gave the alien a confused look before replying with amusement, “Was that supposed to hu—“ Zim struck again, harder this time to convey his irritation through the touch, “Ow! What the—“ Delighted with Dib’s pain Zim struck again; Dib paused, but seemed to ignore the alien’s attempts better this time, “—heck are you doing th—“ obviously, he needed a tactic change. Leaning forward quickly, Zim sunk his teeth into Dib’s neck.

This time Dib froze, golden eyes staring wide at Zim while Gir giggled something about fish eyes; the alien smirked at the look, “Now that I have your attention, Dib-slave, stop flapping your inferior human noise hole and get the leash untangled!”

Dib scowled at him, his eyes narrowing at the creature below him, “That’s what I was saying! And I’m not your slave!” But Dib, perhaps in obedience or defiance of Zim’s master plan, grabbed Gir and quickly unlatched the leash from the robot. The defective bot giggled and promptly danced away singing about tacos.

Zim growled and would have called after his servant if Dib hadn’t started pulling and pushing him as he untangled the leash. The little alien flailed and squirmed for freedom before, finally, Dib was able to scramble up to his feet. Zim followed suit, disguised eyes glaring dangerously at the human.

There was a moment of silence as they stared each other down before Zim threw his arms up, “Victory for Zim!” he proclaimed loudly before snatching Gir’s leash and backing towards his servant who was attempting to count blades of grass, “You will learn to obey everything I say, human! I will make you mine!” Laughing hysterically Zim turned and marched away, “Come, Gir.”

Dib stared after the alien with a flat look before muttering to himself, “His..?”
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Pedo or Xeno