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The Invader's Cookbook	By : FoxDragonKris Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > AU/AR-Alternate Universe-Alternate Reality Views: 2788 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Same disclaimer as chapter 1, if they are right from Invader Zim, not mine. If they arent, their mine.

Cookies and loves to blotofblood, sorry if you found spelling errors, this has to be moved to a different computer to be spell checked and either it goes to my mom's where I am being pestered by annoying dogs or it goes to my spell checker's where.... it gets checked for Canadian English. >_>

Schrödinger’s Sanity

Section 1 - The Invader's Cookbook

Chapter 2

Waking slowly Dib shifted, turning in bed and found himself flopping over a small, comfortably warm body. A small warm body with a decidedly not warm nor comfortable metal dome attached to it. Blinking against the light and feeling his head pounding already with a hangover from the night's festivities he sat up and looked down, eyes widening as the green body next to him registered in his mind. Zim had started to shift as soon as Dib sat up and now he rolled onto his side, looking blearily up at the other.

Dib felt like he was going to hyperventilate. "Oh... my... -" he lifted the sheets, yes, he was naked. And from what he could see so was Zim. "OH MY GOD!!!!!"

Zim just blinked at the other, confused by the reaction. "What about your god?"

Dib stared at the other in a moment of horror that slowly changed to a wide grin, causing Zim to look at him as if he truly had lost whatever sanity he had left. The human practically gushed. "I did your ASS!"

Zim just scratched at his stomach idly, looking unimpressed. "Its called a deenka, actually... well, what you call an anus is actually a deeka... the general area is the nesha." he stretched languidly, feeling nicely relaxed.

Dib stifled a small giggle at that. "Deenka? You call it a deenka?"

Zim looked unimpressed. "In Irkin, yes. Yes I do."

Shifting out of the bed Dib grabbed the boxers he had discarded the night before, slipping into the black silk as he looked at the other. "So uh... you want something to eat or... something?" Oh yea... he was smooth...

Still scratching idly at his stomach Zim shrugged noncommittally. He wasn’t really very hungry; his spooch was starting to feel a bit... unsettled actually. It happened from time to time, the sudden growth of his body had left his organs sensitive at times. It was strange though, it was usually his higher organs that felt unsettled, and his spooch had never... Eyes widening he looked at the human then practically left to his feet on the bed, pointing wildly. "When are humans fertile? WHAT IS YOUR BREEDING CYCLE???" He was sure he had found something about that in his studies somewhere but... he hadn't really paid much attention to such a trivial detail.

Dib blinked at the sudden outburst. "Men don’t have a... bleeding cycle... you mean for women? Menstrus?"

Dropping to the floor Zim stalked over to the other, hissing his words through gritted teeth, how could he have been so stupid! "When. Are. Human. Males. Fertile?"

Dib blinked even more. "Ummm... Human males are always fertile... Why?"

But Zim wasn’t really listening anymore; he was biting one claw-tip nervously as he tapped his foot. Standing naked in the bedroom of his once greatest enemy, he fidgeted nervously, muttering to himself in some language that Dib didn’t know. It may have been the spoken version of irkin, but it didn’t matter because he didn’t know what the other was saying and his agitation was beginning to bother Dib. "Dammit Zim, what is wrong with you? What’s going on?"

Angrily Zim glared at the human. "What’s wrong?! What’s wrong?! You implanted me with your alien baby seed! I'm pregnant and its your fault!"

It took Dib's brain several moments to catch up with what Zim had just said, and when it did he began to chuckle. "Preg-... ha ha ha... that’s great Zim... you picked a great time to get a sense of humor you know that?"

Crossing his arms over his bare chest the Irkin seemed to shrink in on himself, antennae laying flat down the back of his head, eyes low, teeth worrying at his lip and that fearful uncertainty was convinced him in ways that no words ever could. Pushing his own disbelief aside Dib stepped foreword, wrapping his arms around the slim green alien. "But... how? I mean your... I thought..." this was so confusing, he didn’t know what to think really.

Zim shook his head weakly and leaned against the other's chest, his antennae feeling the vibration of his heartbeat as both a feeling and a sound, soothing in its steady rhythm. "Irkins aren’t like humans... we don’t... generally speaking Irkin don’t breed, not... among ourselves the way humans do. But... if we should do so... biologically we don’t have the... male and female genders. Any Irkin is capable of siring or... bearing a smeet It just depends on how... things... happen."

Dib nodded, trying to lay it out in his head. "So you're... hermaphroditic? Like mollusks and some deep sea fish? Or can you change your gender like certain reptiles?"

"No... we don’t change. We're... both and neither... all at once..."

"Hermaphroditic then... well, basically." It sounded like it was a bit more complicated than just that but... now didn’t seem to be the time for details. "So you're bearing a ....’smeet'?"

Zim nodded and pulled away, finding the pants he had abandoned the night before.

"What are you doing? Are you going somewhere?" Dib frowned.

Zim looked at him like he was crazy. "Of course... I need to make preparations... destroy my base... prepare my voot for travel..." He looked at the floor, speaking more to himself than Dib. "Hope I can arrange safe passage to Hub... find... somewhere...."

Frowning Dib stepped over and took the pants from him, drawing an angry stare but he ignored it. "Hub? Prepare your voot? Are you planning on leaving Earth?

"Yes! I should think you would be happy, isn’t it what you always wanted? Besides, I will be certain my smeet is safe... "

"No! ..... No you... you cant go, I wont let you. If your pregnant you need to stay, not be gallivanting all over with nowhere to live and no plan for where to go. Stay here... let me...." He trailed off.

"Let you what Dib? Take care of me?" A mirthless laugh. "No, you probably just cant wait to get me on a table now, cut me open and see just how it all looks from the inside don’t you?"

“NO!" Dib threw the pants aside, fuming, and grabbed the other by the shoulders. "That is NOT what I want! If your pregnant its with MY child and I will not just let you wander off with it and I will NOT let any harm come to either of you!" His chest heaved with the suddenness of the outburst.

Zim looked up at him, disbelief clear on his face. "You would what, look after this child? This... half-blood alien smeet? And what of me? Would I then be your mate human?" His tone made it difficult to tell if he was eager or disgusted by the prospect so Dib took a deep breath and dove in. "Yes, yes if that’s what you want to call it, mates, then so be it. But I will not allow you to take this one alone. If nothing else I will not be a dad like ..." he broke off and just pulled Zim against him.

"So... How long will you be pregnant?" God saying that felt weird. Saying it to an alien that he had previously assumed completely male was even stranger. Moving away again he handed the other a pair of fresh boxers from the dresser and stepped out of the small bedroom into the modest apartment that held all of his meager belongings.

Wrapping one of the sheets from the bed around him after he pulled on the thin shorts Zim followed, watching Dib step behind the small kitchen counter and start a pot of coffee brewing. There were few items in the human's personal space, but all the gadgets he had were clearly top of the line models. A slick thin screen TV large enough to fill most of the wall, a single love seat couch made from buttery soft leather, shiny new appliances n the kitchen. But there were no pictures on the shelves, no knickknacks or random items to say anything about the person who lived here. There wasn’t even any art to break the smooth emptiness of the space.

"By the human calendar, about 13 months or so... I think. Its longer than a human pregnancy." His voice was quieter than it had been in the bedroom, the bareness of the main living space made him feel... strange. Even his base had more clutter than this, much of it from GIR true, but still...

Dib nodded to himself. "Good... that gives me some time at least."

Zim's eyes narrowed suspiciously, he still wasn’t entirely convinced of the human's intentions. "Time to do what human?"

Dib just rolled his eyes and set his coffee on the counter, stepping over to hug the suspicious alien once more. "It gives me time to get things in order. Get a house, get moved in, learn about baby care, get ready for having a little tiny you running around" as he said it he kissed the center of Zim's face, where a human would have a nose. "Learn to cook and pick out colors. Convince my dad that I'm going to be working from home a lot in the near future." He wasn’t going to be an absent father; he wasn’t going to be like his father.

Zims antennae twitched and he looked at the other blandly. "Pick out colors? And what exactly does Dib know about colors?" He glanced pointedly around the apartment, all black furnishings starkly contrasting with the blank white apartment walls, the only other shade in the area came from the occasional stainless steel appliance.

Dib met the bland look with one of his own. "Ok... time to learn about colors. How’s that?"

Zim grinned and kissed him. "Mmmm.... Better."

Dib grinned saucily. "This is gunna be a fun little adventure huh?"

Something about his tone unsettled Zim and he stepped back, looking at the other. "Adventure? This isn’t just some little... game for your amusement. I cant believe I'm having this conversation with you! You don’t want to me Zim's mate! You just want to cut Zim open!"

Dibs head spun with the sudden change of demeanor and he held out his hands pleadingly. "No! No I don’t want to cut you open at all! I'll learn to love you, really and truly love... I'll be what you want, just give me a chance!"

"So that’s it then, you'll just learn to love Zim?"

"No! I mean..." He slapped the heel of his hand against his forehead. "I do love you and I will... love you more and just... don’t leave Zim, I want to make this work... your pregnant with my baby...." His voice was pleading, almost desperate.

Zim hugged his arms tighter around his body and moved to sit on the couch, pulling the sheet closer around him.

Sighing Dib followed to the couch, sitting down alongside him and gently pulling the other against him. "It's going to be ok Zim... everything will work out, we'll find a way or just make our own... you'll see." Softly he kissed the side of the aliens head.

"Dib promises?" Zims voice was quiet, almost hushed by feeling that both frightened and shamed him. Feelings that the regression was supposed to destroy, but it had only hidden them.

"Yes Zim... I promise." He kissed the other's head again, pulling it down to rest against his shoulder and Zim followed willingly, leaning into his warmth.

Zim leaned comfortably against Dib for a long while, slowly beginning to relax against the other's warmth. After a few moments he gently ran a claw down Dib's bare chest. "Mmmm... Dibber?"

Dib shifted a bit, the light touch making his body remember other touches. “Ah... yes Zim?"

"You made me pregnant..." His voice was different from before, softer, breathy, hesitant and full of hopeful want.

Dib grinned at the tone, watching Zim's eyes trail down his chest to the dark hairs leading to the rim of his boxers. He shifted again. "Yea... I guess I did, didn’t I?" He leaned over; slipping an arm behind the irkin's waist and kissed him, softly at first then deeper.

Pushing into the kiss, Zim slipped out of the blanket and crawled into Dib's lap, trailing his claws lightly across the other's chest. He was filled with a desperate need. He had born once, unmated, and that child had been taken from him. Never again. He would have a mate; his smeet would be defended and safe. It would grow strong and tall and proud

Dib gasped at the sudden display of dominance from Zim, surprised but not unhappily so. He slipped his hands up the other's thighs to rub at his waist, feeling the warm curve of his lower back and marveling at how slim the irkin was, he could plant his palms at the sides of his hips and just almost touch his fingertips together at his spine. If Zim was right; the thought of a baby growing inside that smooth green body... his baby.... was absolutely intoxicating. Shifting restlessly he moved a hand away from that warm back, eyes fluttering closed as Zim groaned into the kiss at the loss, and shifted his boxers down as best he could in the position.

Feeling the movement under him Zim looked and grinning wickedly he slipped off Dib's lap, reaching out to pull those boxers fully away and before Dib could protest his erection was buried in the other's mouth and all he could do was groan and gasp for air.

Wrapping his hand around the base of Dib's cock, Zim bobbed his head up and down over the hard length, swirling his tongue around the tip and reaching under to roll the heavy flesh sacs below. He had learned about the human... 'scrotum', or balls, from the internet thingy, such an inefficient design compared to the squeedlyspooch, but then, humans were very inefficient. The stiff hairs that covered the area however, they may be less than efficient but they were truly fascinating. He tugged at them and carded his fingers through the short curls, drawing more pleased noises from the worm-flesh. Exploring the area further with his claws as he sucked on the other's now throbbing erection, he encountered a small hole. It confused him at first, humans had two genders, their males they didn’t need a deenka... it must be something else. He probed a finger inside carefully and was rewarded by a long loud moan as Dib pushed his hips up, into Zim's mouth then back, onto that finger, no one had ever touched him like this.

Grinning Zim pulled the finger back and wet it with spit before slipping it back to that mysterious hole, probing deeper as Dib's cries boosted his excitement further. Fearing that the other might reach completion too soon he pulled away completely, standing to slip off his own boxers. He grinned at Dib; the other was blushing furiously, his cock at rigid attention, glistening from Zim's spit. he looked so very... eager and wanton, it made the invaders pulse race further, the heady arousal flaring his ridges thick and wide. Standing between those outstretched legs, he hitched them up on his hips and bringing that hole into line with his arousal.

Dib's eyes slid back in pleasure as he was stretched open, slowly and carefully. He felt himself tighten as the invading dick suddenly grew wider and popped in, narrowing again. Gasping at the feel he remembered the ridges he had felt along the bottom line of Zim's member and then the next was gaining entry and stars were dancing behind his eyes. Desperately he dug his fingers into the plush seat of the couch as Zim finally breached him fully and began a slow steady thrusting, claiming the virginity of his most secret place.

Panting, Zim hung his head loosely as he thrust in to that tight wet heat. It had been years since he had had any sort of intimate contact, and far longer since he had been in a position of power like this. It was both exciting and soothing, to watch Dib submit to him. Wrapping a hand around the smooth foreign cock he began to pump it easily, finding it still wet from his earlier ministrations. Dib's rising cries were spurring his pleasure on faster and hotter.

All too soon Dib's stomach was tensing and his chest was heaving as thick white ropes of cum splattered between them at the sudden tightness
Zim gasped and moaning, came as well. The sensation of wet heat lancing into his body was a strange one, but wonderful as well, and Dib moaned again as he slowly came down from his peak. Zim collapsed onto his chest soon after climaxing and Dib wrapped his arms around the other and they stayed that way for a long while, just breathing together.

Eventually Dib shifted until he was lying along the couch with Zim nested against him, already tired once more, and pulled the blanket up over them both. Finding the remote for the TV he flipped it on, muting the volume and found a channel to pretend to watch, as his eyes never left the one on his chest. This was... not going to be easy. Living with Zim would be a challenge, there was no denying that. It was more intimidating even than the idea of fatherhood. But just like the idea of having a child, it was exciting as well.

He was just beginning to doze off when the phone rang.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DELETED SCENES / MUSE PLAY

*Dib muse* aaaah my.... area Felt great ... but ... MY area...*
*Zim muse : oh deal with it!*
*Dib muse* You didn't gimme much of a chance to warm up ... Mr. Thrust*
*Zim Muse : hey, you were the one begging for it!*
*Dib muse* Yeah well ... *rubs bum a little* Aww*
*Zim muse *looks all smug and proud f himself*

Kris: oh look, he's puffed up his chest like a great green cock. .................................... XD the bird! the bird!
lol

*Dib muse* I'm just glad your as small as you are*
*Dib Muse* Runs*
*Zim muse : little? why you!*chases* come back here and I’ll let you have another taste of how little I am!*
*Dib muse* runs better longer stride... or does he?*
*Dib muse* YES! YES I DO*
*Zim Muse *spider legs pop out* I’m still faster!
~tick tick ticka ticka tick tick tick~
*Dib muse*DAMN YOUUUUUU!*

Kris: >< oohhh.... now that’s a creepy sound to hear in a dark alley

*Dib muse* trips*
*Zim muse : *tackles*
*Dib Muse* NOOO MY ASSS, My Little chibi-ish ass!!!*
*Zim Muse* : *rubs ass* ah but its such a nice ass.....
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The Invader's Cookbook