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The Happy Smiley Dib Show!	By : V021 Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > AU/AR-Alternate Universe-Alternate Reality Views: 2643 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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I did know it was the original title of “Dib’s Wonderful Life of Doom”, and there’s a reason I‘m using it. But I won’t spoil it for you all by telling. Now, there’s going to be some rather heavy angst, drugs, and a little- wait for it -SMUT! Written to the musical accompaniment of Type O Negative and Tool. Enjoy.

Chapter Two: Shit Adds Up At the Bottom
Exhausted and in more pain than he thought conceivable, Zim stumbled through the living room with the wailing screams of sirens still ringing in his ears. He slid down the toilet entrance and, straightening the tattered trench coat hanging off his beaten body, he let out a ragged little sigh. It felt like his belly was being torn open from the inside… All he wanted right now was a good lie-down, a case full of painkillers…and maybe a soda. Which is way Zim was staggering his way towards the sickbay when Skoodge came running up to him.
“Sir, I’ve important news from-”
“Not now!” hissed Zim, gripping his belly. “I need to get to the sickbay.”
“But sir!” stammered the pudginess, jogging alongside his superior as they moved down the ultra-tech hallway. “This is of the utmost importance!”
“Can’t it wait? I’m a little busy dying here…”
Not sure how to break the news to his severely demented leader, Skoodge rubbed his antenna together fretfully. “Uh, well sir, I don’t think he’d appreciate it if I told him to call back later… I mean, I’ve already had to put him on hold for about an hour.”
“Put who on hold?” grumbled Zim as he dug up a medkit.
“His Almighty Tallest Purple!” gasped Skoodge in an annoyingly reverent tone. “He called to tell you that…”
Forcing down a handful of pills, he motioned Skoodge to silence. “Look, this is not the time for your stupid attempts at humor. So why don’t you make yourself useful and get the hell out of my face.”
“But it’s he’s a TALLEST, sir!”
“Whoop-de-frickin’-doo! Tell her royal pain-in-the-ass that she can just call back later. The last thing I need tonight is to listen to some overpaid drag-queen bitch me out for shit that I haven’t done yet!”
“I heard that, ZIM!” snapped Purple, who was now glaring down at them from the monitor.
Groaning, Zim put the medkit down and turned to face the wrath of his supreme (and fabulous!) overlord. “Oh, hello my Tallest…” he muttered in a half-hearted drone. “It’s a pleasure to see you. The mission’s proceeding as planned… yadda-yadda… Better have the fleet ready. I’ll have the dirtball conquered soon…and all that stuff.”
“Eh, you alright there Zim?” Purple asked, staring at the gaping hole in Zim’s face where his eyeball used to be.
“Oh, most certainly, sir! Why, I had just come back to base from playing with my pet monkey when I decided to drop by the sickbay on a lark…. ” Shifting from snarky to psycho, Zim roared, “OF COURSE I’M NOT FUCKING ALRIGHT, YOU MORON! I‘m bleeding all over the damn place and I’m pretty sure that there‘s some massive organ damage because my insides feel like they’re on fucking fire here!”
“Sir!” Leaping in-between Zim and the monitor, Skoodge tried to save some face. “Please forgive Zim’s outburst, your Tallest! I assure you it’s the drugs talking and he doesn’t really think you’re a moron.”
“The hell I don‘t!” Backhanding Skoodge, he leaned closer to the screen. “Can you just tell me what the hell you assholes want now so I can get back to my miserable exile?”
“Ah, is that why you’re cranky about, Zimmy dear?” cooed Purple with a million dollar smile plastered on his face. “Afraid we had left you to die on some nameless rock ball?”
Taken aback, he blinked dumbly at Purple. “Uh, yah. You said it yourself: I’m a uselessly destructive defect.”
Laughing softly, Purple shook his head. “Oh no I didn’t, hun. Red’s the one that called you that.”
“But I swore I heard—Wait a second. Did you just call me ‘hun’?”
“Oh, don’t look so surprised Zim.” came the chuckle. “I just wanna say that I’m sorry for being so mean to you in the past. Without you, neither Red nor I could’ve ever become the Tallest. You know I’ve always had a special place deep, deep, deep in the cockles of my heart for you, sweetie. And I’ve always wanted to-eh, thank you for killing off old What’s-His-Face… But I never really could do anything about it before because of Red. You see, he’s the really jealous type and gets oh so pissy whenever he thinks I’m being too nice to anybody else, especially if it‘s you, Zim.”
Feeling a bit woozy from blood lose and pills, Zim grinned sheepishly. “I’m…eh, touched that you feel that way, sir.”
“Please, call me Purple.”
“Okay…”
“Now, now: There’s no need to act all modest, Zim.” Purple mewed sweetly. “In fact, I was calling to tell you that the Irken Empire has decided to reward your hard work with a super special secret surprise! It should arrive at your base sometime tomorrow afternoon. Oh sweetie, I sure you just going to love it!”
“Gee, thank you, si-Purple.”
For an unbearable stretch of time, tense silence reigned as Zim squirmed awkwardly under the smirking leer of the Tallest. Realizing that he was losing a massive amount of blood, Zim finally spoke up.
“Well Purple… It’s been nice talking with you, but I’ve gotta go bandage my head now before I blackout…”
Purple sighed, pouting a little. “If you really have to…”
“I’ll, uh…call you later.” Zim mumbled, giving him a lame smile.
“Right… You take care now, hun. Oh, and nice coat.”
“Thanks.”
On that note, the transmission was terminated.
Ignoring Skoodge, who had been watching on in silence, Zim limped over to the medkit and numbly tended to his wounds. He stripped off the trench coat and his tunic, spreading the coat out on a table before he laid down on it. It took a bit of groping to find the IV band and hook it up to the emergency blood tank, but he finally managed it with a mild yelp as the needle sunk in. There were some superficial cuts and bruises on his torso, but the pills had left Zim in a deadened state of apathy. It was strumming around his brain in droning swarms of sedative bees with so much buzzing that he barely registered the moment when Skoodge came bounding up to him.
“Oh wow, sir! Not only are you getting honored by a direct acknowledge of thanks from the Almighty Purple himself, but the Tallests are sending us gifts too!” He squee-ed in rapture. “I’m so happy…”
“You shouldn’t be.” Zim sighed in a sluggish monotone. “It’s probably a bomb or a flesh-eating virus or something nasty like that.”
Skoodge laughed weakly. “You…you don’t mean that, sir.”
“Don’t be stupid, Skoodge. The only reason the Tallest would have for being so happy to see me is when they’re about to make my life miserable. And if Purple’s calling me ‘sweetie’, then we’re definitely dead.”
“We?” squeaked the fatness.
“Yes, we.” There was a hollow chuckle. “You don’t think they’d let you live, do you Skoodge? The Tallests hate you just as much as they hate me. Why else would you have been sent to this shit-hole planet?”
“Because you…needed assistance?”
“Bullshit. They just needed an excuse to exile you. Because that’s what we are, Skoodge. We’re the rejects of the Empire, left stranded on Earth until the day we die. Or they finally decide to kill us. Either way, we’ve been branded failures and must therefore die lest we degrade our beloved Irken race with the genes of the defective.”
“But I don’t wanna die!” howled the pudgy nugget. “Can’t we just escape?”
“What’s the point?” Zim’s voice was slurring now. “If you want to try, I won’t stop you. But I doubt you’ll get very far before running into the Clean-up Crews. And we both know that no matter how good you were at flying in our training days, you don’t have the piloting skills to evade the Cleaners…”
Skoodge’s antennae drooped, but he still managed to sneer, “So that’s it, Zim? You’re just going to lie there and die?”
“Actually, I was planning on resting for a bit before I go to that wretched Hi-Skool. After that, I’m gonna come home and then I’ll die just like my Tallest want me to.”
Gaping his mouth open to speak, Skoodge only managed a faint gurgle. It would be useless to say any more. Zim wasn’t listening. So, in defeat, he turned away from his current commander and left Zim laying on the table to wait for the end.
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Throughout the night, Zim kept waking up to blue-and-red lights flashing in his brain. He downed more pills to stop himself from thinking about the butchered heap he’d left in his wake. But even that couldn’t drive away the reek of human sweat or the sound the flesh made as he plunged his claws deeper inside. He found himself wrapping the tattered coat around his body, wallowing in a cocoon of filth and scum as he ground his hips together rhythmically.
The aching tear in his belly felt raw as rippling sensations ran across his nerves. It was an agonizing, yet pleasurable feeling which only increased the more Zim writhed. He couldn’t suppress a low moan as his body jerked spasmodically to the aching throbs.
Gnashing his teeth, Zim tried to quiet the noises that kept bubbling out of his throat. A taste of acidic copper lingered in his mouth, jagged on his squirming tongue. Without thinking, he slid a hand against the sore swelling between his legs and nearly screamed at the touch. It was slimy, dark, and warm like blood gushing out a wound. Heart pounding, his only thought of was how good it felt to sink blades into a soft belly and watch a cold twisted grin break apart in a flash of shock. It surprised him how easily his own flesh yielded to the sharp thrusts of fingers probing against fabric.
It felt as if he was being burned alive, but Zim didn’t want to stop. Maybe it was the drugs that were making that bizarre pain-pleasure feeling so intense. Moving his fingers faster against the growing bulge, the sensation grew as sharp as his pants. He was hurting so badly now but for some inconceivable reason he needed this. Suddenly, he didn’t care who heard as jagged laughs barked out along with sobs and grunts. Zim was so far gone in the pain that the convulsive spasms he was going through barely registered until at last the blinding shock caused him to blackout briefly.
With a spinning head, he came back to and very slowly relaxed from the tensed curl he had been in. The ebbing waves of a climax seeped away, leaving a hollowness and a sticky damp on his skin.
Zim rolled onto his back and growled. In a way, he felt strangely cheated that things had turned out this way. True, having Dib brokenly splayed out at his feet in growing pool of blood and dirt was a memory Zim knew he would treasure for the rest of his (sadly short) life, but it wasn’t good enough. Even taking a few little souvenirs wasn’t enough. Yet what more could he need? For years, his only desire was to completely annihilate the filthy worm-bag and get back to the mission.
“But the mission isn’t real…”
“What!” Jerking up, Zim looking frantically around the sickbay. “Who said that? Skoodge?”
“You never were a good Invader…”
Zim snarled. “If that’s you, Skoodge, I’m going to rip your squeedly splooch out…”
“You weren’t good for anything.”
He ground his teeth. “I’m not listening to you anymore.”
“You know you are a failure, right?”
“Be quiet.”
“A complete and utter failure…”
“I’m not a failure!”
“Don’t deny the facts. Your entire life is failure after failure after failure…”
“I said be quiet!”
“Worthless. That’s what you are. Absolutely worthless.”
“BE QUIET!” Zim screamed, tearing at the sides of his face.
“And stupid, too.”
“Who are you!”
There was a faint laugh overhead. Zim turned his face up to face his tormentor. Clinging onto the ceiling like a freakish spider, the other Zim smiled. “Boo.”
With a shriek, Zim scuttled off the table as the doppelganger dropped onto it. “What the hell are you!”
The other Zim only smiled.
“Answer me!”
“Answer me.” it mimicked.
“I told you to answer me, dammit!” Zim roared, advancing on his double.
“Answer me, dammit.”
Holding up a fist, he moved closer. “I’m warning you…”
“You…” murmured the doppelganger.
Zim paused and stared at it. “You?” he muttered, pointing.
“Me.” came the answer as it point back at him.
“No. I’m Zim.”
“No,” it replied calmly. “I’m Zim.”
“IMPOSSIBLE!” he screeched. “I’M ZIM! YOU ARE…ARE… eh, you are… NOT ZIM!”
The other Zim laughed. “Yes, I am Zim.”
“YOU LIE!”
“YOU’RE THE LIAR!” screamed the double. “You’re only a mass of lies! I’m the real Zim! Zim: the Liar! Zim: the Lunatic! Zim: the Defective!”
Roaring, Zim grabbed the double and slammed it up against the wall. “SHUT UP! YOU’RE NOT ME!”
“I am Zim… the Coward.”
He slammed harder, smashing it with his fists until it was a bloodied pulp. “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”
“SQUEAK!”
Zim whirled on his heels, hissing madly. For a moment, all he could see was a red haze, which slowly dissolved to reveal Minimoose hovering in front of him. He turned back to see the double, but there was only a dented and bloodstained wall.
“Did you see him!” gasped Zim.
“Squeak?”
“What do you mean ‘see who’! That…that guy! From the ceiling…”
Looking deeply concerned for levitating super-weapon with only a fixed expression of happiness, Minimoose moved closer. “Squeak?”
“Don’t look at me like that! I’m perfectly alright!”
“Squeak.”
“Bleeding? I’m not…” Holding up his arm, Zim finally noticed the blood flowing down his arm from where the IV band had been ripped off. As he clasped a hand over the wound, he growled, “I’m not crazy.”
“Squeak…” With a gentle nudge, the little minion led its master back to the table and brought over some bandages.
The silence stretched in bands of syrupy awkwardness between them before Zim spoke up.
“Minimoose, am I good soldier?”
The little death machine stopped cleaning up the mess to think. Finally, it said “Squeak.”
“I’d like to believe you. I truly, desperately want that to be true.” He stood and walked across the room. Behind a counter were shelves full of medicines and instruments from which he took a huge bottle of pills. “But I’m not a good soldier. I wasn’t even a good fry cook…”
“Squeak?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?” He twisted the lid off the bottle.
“Squeak!”
Zim laughed dryly. “Don’t do it? Why not? They’re going to kill me anyway. If I do the job first, it’ll at least spoil the bastards’ fun.”
“Squeak…”
“I have no other choice. This is one thing I won’t fuck up.”
“Yessssss…” hissed the other Zim over his shoulder. “That’s right…”
He glanced down at the leer staring back at him in the shiny surface of the countertop.
“What you waiting for?” the double nagged. “Do it! DO IT!”
Zim felt his hand start to shake as he lifted the bottle toward his mouth.
“That’s it! Swallow them all and end it.”
“NO!”
Squeaking in panic, Minimoose dodged the bottle as Zim flung it away.
“That’s just what you want me to do, isn’t it?” he sneered, rounding on an unseen opponent. “You want me to fall on my sword. Take the cowardly way out. Well, I’ll show you. I’ll show you all what Zim is made of… MINIMOOSE! What time is it?”
“Squeak?”
“The time! Tell me the time!”
Hesitating, the moose replied, “Squeak?”
“Hmm… almost time for Skool? Excellent!” Zim cackled, rubbing his hands together. “Now, go fetch me a clean uniform! I don’t want to be late. Especially not today…”
A bit frazzled by its master sudden mood swing, Minimoose darted off to do as it was ordered.
When it had left, Zim turned to the doppelganger now standing cowed in a corner. “By the time I’m done, those damn dirty apes are going know first hand what hell on Earth really means…”
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