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Domo Arigato, Miss Roboto	By : V021 Category: +G through L > Invader Zim > Het- Male/Female Views: 3131 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Sure, I could do better things on my day off than revise this fic, but no! I must give you all the next lover-ly chapter of Domo... Because sniff! I love you. Not love you, but love you.
Suggested listening: She Blinded Me With Science (Thomas Dolby), Obsession (Animotion), Get It On (Bang a Gong) (The Power Station)
Chapter 2: The Trouble With a Green Moron
Something was wrong. Gaz didn't know what yet, but in the very depths of her blackened soul she sensed a great disturbance in the world. This wrongness had nagged her all through the Skool-day, distracting her from the important task of discovering a faster way to kill Boss Pork-butt in "Silver-star Spackled Chimp Commandoes XII: The Dork Chronicles." During her lunchtime brooding, Gaz came to the conclusion that her incessant foreboding must be caused by one thing: Dib.
That morning had seemed normal enough, despite her brother's little fag fit the night before. Not that she gave a rat's ass, but Dib's obsessive need to conform with the brain-dead public's idea of normality grated on her nerves. Gaz firmly believed that if he'd be honest with himself, embrace the weirdness within, and stop whining then Dib could finally have his precious peace of mind. Or, at the very least, she'd get a little quiet. But those stupid masochistic tendencies must've kicked in, leaving Gaz to eat breakfast alone and go to Skool alone while her brother hid down in the lab. It was spooky how much Dib acted like their dad these days...
It was only as she walked up the ultra-glossy Hi-Skool steps that Gaz first noticed the wrongness. Usually, Dib would've caught up to her by then and launched into one of his insane world-saving rants or start telling her about his new plan to capture Zim so he could "study" the alien. But today, there was no sign of Dib or his annoying head. She had shrugged it off, thinking that her irritating sibling had decided to skip class once again to go stalk Zim until she walked up on the little green moron as he engaged Dib's locker in an intense staring contest. As she started to walk past, Zim broke off with his steely-faced opponent.
"Gaz-monster!" came the imperious snap. "Where is the Dib?"
She only growled at the idiot E.T. and dug her locker about for books.
"Where's Dib?" he repeated with an angry hiss. When he got only another, deadlier growl in reply, Zim grabbed hold of Gaz's shoulders and started shaking her as he shouted, "Where's Dib! Where's Dib! Where's Dib!"
"Are you touching me?" Extremely annoyed, Gaz wrapped her hands around the alien's wrists, and then proceeded to slam his body against the lockers a few times. Dropping Zim onto his back, she hopped up and did a rapid stomping jig in the center of his squishy belly.
Despite a ruptured squiddly-splooch and various other organs still unaccounted for, Zim still managed to ask in a bruised voice. "Where's...Dib...?"
"Dunno." Then, needing to purge a little more violence, she kicked the alien squarely in crotch before walking off to class.
That incident with Zim only served to further aggravated the wrongness. The alien may have been parsecs away from both sanity and intelligence, but after Gaz locked him in an industrial-powered washer for a weekend for using her as an umbrella years ago, Zim had been careful not to even breathe on her. So what could've possibly caused him to forget the consequences of invoking her wrath? And why did Zim want Dib so badly? (a/n: Dirty minds, anyone?)
All through Ms. Lane's morning English lecture, Gaz could only think about the wrongness. Even the allure of a bit of the ultra-violence on her GameSlave 2 couldn't get her mind off of the strange sensation there was a cosmic mutiny of all that was RIGHT nearby. By the time the lunch bell rang, Dib was still missing and the wrongness Gaz sensed had crested like some hideous psychic pimple to a head of cerebral pus in her mind. Then the realization struck her.
Dib had been acting even stranger than "normal" since the business with Mega-Ultra-Peepi. Especially after Super Scientist Weekly put out a special edition issue with exclusive photos of Zim dry humping the stunned paranormalist in the cockpit of Gundam PHALLIC. The moment he saw those, Dib went into a Super-ANGST Overdrive and made living with him even more unbearable for Gaz than when her brother had just been some super-hyped hero.
But, despite knowing who was causing the wrongness, Gaz still needed to know what her stupid genius brother had done to throw off the delicate balance of this moronic cosmos in such a hideously abrupt manner. With a little persuasion (a/n: torture), Gaz could easily get the answers she wanted. Unfortunately, in order to persuade Dib to talk, he had to be present and she didn't know where his big fat head had disappeared to.
Lazily, she glared around the teeming cafeteria. The popular kids lounged coolly around their tables next to the salad bar. Nearby was the wanna-be section, a morass of fawning ambition and disguised hatred that the sheer nausea forced Gaz to look away. Still queasy, her wrathful gaze fell on the average kid table in the hope that Dib, with all his normality seeking, would be hiding there. But all she found was a mass of frightened sheep faces. Disgusted, she turned her baleful eye to the tables next to her: The Reject section. The one thing she respected her stupid brother for was that, despite the fame and the money and the denials, Dib never truly left the freak'n'geek sector.
Noticing Gaz was looking over at them, the reject kids stared back in surprise. When it had sunk in that she wasn't going to mutilate them, Gretchen smiled, showing off the latest advances in orthodontic metalwork, and Keefe waved merrily at the devil girl.
Growling at the desperate cheerfulness, Gaz looked past their table to the nastiest, most avoided corner section of the cafeteria. Sitting amid a congealing pile of last year's Tuna Surprise and the latest carnage from the war between the cafeteria metropolis of gutter rats and the invading cockroach colony from Room 311, Zim stared at the people he wanted to destroy. Regardless of Dib's televised explanation that the alien's bug-eyes, green skin, and antenna were just symptoms of some unnamed disease, Zim kept wearing his miserably bad disguise. Gaz wondered whether he persisted out of habit or because the alien was too stupid to capitalize on a convenient excuse. From what she knew of Zim, Gaz favored the later. But, moron or not, he was the best...being to grill for answers.
As she walked past the reject table, Matthew P. Matters III shrieked in terror and bolted for safety. The others, excluding Keefe, flinched back instinctively. Even Dirge looked uneasy when Gaz drifted by. Not caring, she moved on to Zim's corner. Her shadow fell ominously over the crusty table and oozing mass of untouched food before the alien.
"Okay, Zim," she growled. "Where's Dib?"
The alien didn't seem to notice the question and continued his staring.
Too bothered by the relentless need to fix the wrongness to rip off Kill Bill again, Gaz grabbed a smoldering rat carcass and slapped Zim in the face with it.
Frantically clawing away the roasted rodent, Zim turned to Gaz and suddenly put on a cocky smile. "Ah, Gaz. I see you finally decided to cooperate and give me to location of your smelly sibling."
"Actually, I want to you to answer some questions."
"Fool monkey-girl! It is Zim who asks the questions here!"
Grabbing him by the collar, Gaz dragged Zim across the table. "Look, dumbass, we can do this one of two ways. Either you give me some freakin' answers or I take you back to the kitchen and grind you into tomorrow Mystery Meat Casserole. Now, what's it going to be Zim? Mystery Meat or answers?"
Sweat beaded across Zim's brow as he mulled it over, torn between an Invader's pride and the desire for self-preservation. After several tense seconds of high drama, Zim sighed. "Very well, Gaz-monster. I'll answer you pathetic questions, but only because I see that you are too dumb use any knowledge so gained to be a threat to the mission."
"Fine." She let go of Zim, landing him face-first in a heap of tuna stuff. "First question: What the hell happened between you and Dib last year? You know, after he kicked your ass and all."
"Tak."
"Tak?" Gaz repeated, vaguely recalling the other, slightly less stupid alien. "What's she got to do with Dib getting a skeletal arm?"
"Oh, stupid human, do you not understand?" gloated Zim. "It was Tak who ambushed the Dib and then ripped his arm off before she gave him a Texas Omelet."
"You mean 'Texas Funereal'."
"Whatever. Anyway, gorged on her treachery, Tak attempted to take over my base. But she never counted on the BRILLANCE of Zim! I easily subdued her and locked her into an agony booth which I, The Mighty Zim, jettisoned into deep space."
"But why?"
Zim blinked in confusion. "Eh?"
"Why did Tak want to kill my brother? And why blast her into space? I thought you wanted to Dib dead."
"Of course I want the Dib to die! But only I get to kill him! Because he is mine, do you hear me? MINE!" Leaping onto the table, Zim screamed, "NO ONE ELSE SHALL TOUCH THE DIB! HE BELONGS TO ZIM!"
Silence fell over the cafeteria as everyone stopped to stare at the insanely possessive weirdo.
Gaz opened one eyes and arched a brow. "Right... Next question: Are you gay Zim?"
The on-looking crowd listened eagerly for Zim's response.
Again, he gave her a puzzled look. "Do I look happy to you?"
"Not gay-happy. Gay-queer, Zim." Seeing that he wasn't getting it, Gaz sighed. "Look, are you a homosexual or not?"
"What's that got to do with Dib!" he shrieked angrily, stomping a foot.
"Just answer the question, Zim, or else..." She made a meat grinder motion.
Shaking with rage, Zim jumped off the table and, turning his non-existent nose up at Gaz, started to march out of the cafeteria.
"One last question, Zim:" Gaz snapped at his retreating back. "Are you even a guy? Or are you just really butch for a girl alien?"
Stopping mid-march, Zim whirled around and got right up into Gaz's face, hissing like a crazed swarm of locust.
"For the last time: I am male. MALE!"
Zim's screeching assertion of his masculinity reverberated off the cafeteria walls, shattering every piece of glass within 5 miles. So powerful was the acoustic force that tables and students went flying through the air. Fissures appeared in the concrete walls and the tile floor cracked around his feet.
Gaz caught the brunt of the audio blast. She was flung backwards into the wall and dropped into a mass of moldering Tuna Surprise and mutilated vermin guts.
When Zim finally stopped, panting, he looked around at the mayhem he had caused. Regaining his composure, Zim put his hands behind his back and causally walked out of the cafeteria.
Crawling out of the vile heap she landed in, Gaz glared after Zim, already plotting out her campaign of vengeance against the alien.
Later on...
The last bell rang out shrilly in the muggy afternoon air, releasing a mass of teenagers from their mandatory state-sanctioned learning. Always the last to leave and thereby avoid any bothersome socializing, Gaz waited at the bottom of the Hi-Skool stairs and scanned chattering teens as they went past. As the crowds thinned to a mere trickle of humanity, a sickeningly cute redhead in pigtails and her boyfriend walked by. Gaz started to growl in disgust, but it came out a gurgle when she saw who the boyfriend was.
"Dib!" she gasped, staring wide-eyed at him.
"Oh, hi Gaz! I didn't even see you there." beamed her brother. He turned to his girlfriend. "Mary-Anne, this is my little sister Gaz."
"So you're Gaz? I've heard so much about you!" twinkled Mary-Anne, bobbing up on her toes and cocking her head like a cheerleader.
The wrongness had so overcome her that all Gaz could manage was funny sort of croak.
Dib, taking his sister expression for pleasant surprise, started talking again, "Sorry about not walking to Skool with you, but Mary-Anne just moved here so I offered to help her around Skool today. And, since she still doesn't know her way around the city yet, I'm going to walk her home. Oh, don't worry about saving me dinner. I'm taking Mary-Anne out to eat. Well, gotta run Gaz... Later!"
"Bye, Gaz. It was nice to meet you." Mary-Anne cooed.
As she and Dib happily skipped off, Gaz could only stand drenched in the pus of wrongness.
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Domo Arigato, Miss Roboto