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My Life as a Teenaged Von Neumann Device	By : Toonspew Category: +M through R > My Life as a Teenage Robot Views: 21219 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own My Life as a Teenage Robot, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Chapter 2
"Whoo, almost finished!" sighed Sheldon, wiping the sweat from his brow with his sleeve. Sheldon loved tinkering with robotics, but it could be hot work sometimes, especially in his poorly ventilated garage. Ahem... workshop. Tightening his grip on his screwdriver, Sheldon carefully reattached the faceplate of his greatest creation ever, the Silver Shell. The Shell's face looked back at him expressionlessly, little more then an overly sophisticated statue at the moment. But that would soon change.
"Excellent work Sheldon!" praised Sheldon's new mentor, Ms. Nora Wakeman. "Those punks at the robotics expo won't stand a chance against SS here... The scholarship is as good as yours." Ms. Wakeman climbed up the ladder to join Sheldon on the scaffolding behind their project, and handed Sheldon a small black electronic component about the size and shape of a deck of cards trailing numerous wires out the edges. With care Sheldon pried open the back of Silver Shell's head and inserted the component, delicately attaching all the wires to the necesary parts of Silver Shell's motor control portion of his electronic brain. "A shame, really, that a fully self-aware personality couldn't be programmed in time." mused Ms. Wakeman. "But you can't rush something like that. And this remote control chip should serve just as well. Well enough to stomp the competition, at least." Sheldon grinned at the thought. "Can you imagine if he was sentient? With all the modifications we made, Shellhead here could probably even give Jenny a run for her money." Sheldon mentally ran through a short list of the improvements Ms. Wakeman had helped him make... increased strength, an arsenal of close combat weapons and tools, high-powered lasers connected to the eye sockets, and a much expanded fuel supply. Ms. Wakeman had even let him install a prototype of a personal force field generator that she had been working on, though that one still had some bugs in it. They were unable to install a compliment of missiles like XJ9 was equipped with (because of regulations of the robotics expo competition) but it hardly mattered... Silver Shell would be fighting other garage constructed robots, not space invaders.
"Speaking of Jenny; have you decided how to let her know? She's going to find out sooner or later, when she sees her crush competing at the expo." Sheldon winced slightly, slouching over. "I've tried to tell her, really... it just never seems like the right time. She's always racing off to blast a meteor or she's down about her lack of popularity with the kids. I just need to find the perfect moment." Ms. Wakeman gave her best "stern mother" frown. "Come now Sheldon, you've had all summer to pick your moment. Sooner or later you're just going to have to straighten your spine, take a deep breath, and tell her the truth about Silver Shell." Wakeman began climbing down the stepladder to get to the ground, continuing her lecture. "She'll probably even be relieved. Now she'll know the reasons behind Shell's odd behavior around her."
"Yeahhh... yeah you're right." gaining confidence, Sheldon spoke with more volume "Enough's enough... I'll tell her today when she gets out of school." Ms. Wakeman smiled proudly "Glad to hear it."
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Jenny Wakeman was disgruntled, uncomfortable, and feeling vulnerable. Which is exactly how Britt Crust, fashion diva and lead snob of all Tremorton High, wanted things. The first day of school was often largely a formality; the teachers assigned seating arrangements, took roll call and sorted out the students who were in the wrong classes, and announced their syllabus for the coming semester. Which left the students plenty of time to get reacquainted and share their stories of the summer. For the last twenty minutes Britt had the rest of the girls eating out of the palm of her hand with a vivid retelling of how herself and her cousin Tiff had been picked up by various "hotties" and "studs" over the summer, during their high-octane tour of all the coolest bars, dance clubs, lounges, and discotheques. They weren't quite old enough yet, but a fake I.D. and recently developed figures could work wonders, not to mention what flashing a bit of cash added. Their hangers-on listened in rapt fascination as Britt exaggerated her stories, making them gasp when she revealed a juicy detail, then left them wanting more when she left the best parts of the story purposely vague. If nothing else could be said for Brittany Crust, she was an expert at manipulating an audience.
And now her favorite nemesis had arrived. Perfect. Yet another opportunity to assert her dominance of the school's social ladder by reminding the lowest rung of why she's there. "Hello there Jennifer." Britt began icily. "Did you have a good summer? Tiff and I were just discussing all the fun we had (pause) ...becoming women. Though I suppose we should change the topic now that you're here, don't you think Tiff? This isn't a conversation for young, sensitive ears like Jenny's." Tiff cackled as she often did, reveling in her cousin's agility with words. "Sure is cuz. We wouldn't want to upset little miss Wakeman, would we?"
Jenny had expected something like this. "So you got some older boys to buy you drinks. Big deal. My mom let me have a two whole glasses of ethanol last new year's eve." Britt and Tiff exchanged a quick glance and sinister smirk. "Oh, boys are good for a lot more then just drinks, eh Tiff?" retorted Britt. Tiff chuckled lewdly, adding "oh, fo' sure they are! I especially liked that one fella with the sideburns... mmmm, he had just the right equipment to get my motor runnin'!" The rest of the girls gathered around giggled and snickered, Jenny obviously left out of the joke. "Equipment? Motor? What are you two talking about?" asked Jenny, growing irritated.
"Why, sex, Jennifer... we're talking about sex." answered Britt in a hushed voice, not wanting her words to carry to any nearby teachers. Jenny could only stare blankly. A quick run through her internal dictionary came up blank... zero information on this "sex". Britt noticed Jenny's confused look and had to choke back a burst of laughter. "You...you don't even know what sex is, do you?" Britt slapped her hands over her mouth to stop herself from giggling like mad, but nothing stopped all the other girls gathered from cackling like hyenas. Jenny blushed a deep blue, mentally scrambling for a response. "Of course I do!" she claimed "it's a... very exotic... and expensive... type of jewelery... that..." Britt and the others weren't fooled for a second, of course, and a fresh round of laughter echoed through the crowd. Tiff made it even worse when she joked "Only if you count the pearl necklace I got from Bobby!"
"Oh Jenny, Jenny, Jenny..." Britt interrupted, talking down to Jenny like she was a 5 year old who had wandered into the wrong class. "You poor girl, I guess you'll just have to wait for the teen health class next semester." Britt gave Jenny a quick once-over glance "You probably shouldn't even bother though... once you know, it'll only be a big tease for you. After all, it's not like you're going to be attracting anyone with that ironing board you call a chest." Jenny, speechless, looked around the crowd of girls. Sure enough, all but a few had noticeably expanded chests compared to last year. And the biggest were Britt and Tiff of course, just to make sure Jenny's humiliation was complete.
"Okay, everyone to your seats!" shouted the teacher, breaking up the socializing. "It's time to get this school year underway. Now, when I call your name, come up to the front and pick up a textbook." The students settled into their seats, Jenny fuming. "Ill prove those rich brats wrong." Jenny decided "I'll learn so much about sex it'll make their heads spin! They'll call me "XJ9: sex-bot! Yeah!"
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"What do you mean you won't teach me?!" shouted Jenny angrily, putting her hands on her hips and scowling at Mrs. Johansen, the health class teacher. "I'm sorry Jenny, but your mother already contacted us months ago, and specifically requested that we not teach you the teen health course. Instead you'll be spending fourth period taking an honors physics class with some of the honor roll kids. You'll like it fine, I even think your friend Sheldon will be there."
"D'oh!" exclaimed Jenny, slapping her palm against her forehead. Putting that issue aside for a moment, Jenny asked again. "But why not? I really want to take the class! ...Early, too!" Mrs. Johansen tried her best to look understanding, but still came awfully close to her typical stern frown. "It's not the school's policy to question the decision of parents regarding their children's education on this matter. Many have religious or moral objections to the class, others just prefer to handle the matter themselves. In your mother's case... I recall her saying that it simply wouldn't be "relevant to you" or something like that." Jenny's expression deflated into a defeated look, and Mrs. Johansen sympathetically patter her on the shoulder. "Talk to your mother about it dear, it was her decision."
Jenny gave up and left, heading towards the school's exit. She thought that talking to the faculty after class would be the solution, but they were no help at all! It was like there's some sort of... conspiracy to keep her from learning about sex! Slinging her bookbag over one arm, Jenny pushed open the front door of the school and started home. She was just about to take off when she felt a pair of hands reach around from behind her and encircle her neck. Jenny prepared to execute a flying backflip and dropkick on her attacker, when the hands began tickling her neck and collar socket mercilessly. Jenny laughed loudly, crouching and hunching her shoulder in an attempt to evade the tickling hands. A second later the tickles stopped and Brad stepped out from behind her, patting her on the back. "Just testing!" joked Brad, a smile on his face.
"Brad!" shouted Jenny happily "You're just the guy I wanted to see!" Brad grinned smugly, playing it up jokingly "That's what all the girls say..." Acting like himself again, Brad continued "So what can I do for you Jen?"
Jenny put on her sweetest face and tugged on one of her pigtails nervously. "I need a big favor Brad..." She did her best to sound like a helpless, ditzy girl that Brad could impress. Brad played right into Jenny's plan "Of course Jen, what're best friends for? Name it." Jenny tugged on her pigtail more, and turned her eyes skyward in an innocent gesture "Well, I'll bet a smart, cool guy like you knows all about "sex", right?" Brad smiled wider at the stream of compliments, and casually checked his fingernails as he imagined a suave guy might do. "I guess word spreads pretty fast among you ladies, doesn't it? Yeah, I know a thing or two..."
Properly buttered up, Jenny moved in for the kill. "Oh Brad, I desperately need you to teach me how to do sex!" Brad's eyes shot wide open, shocked. "Wha... what was that?"
"I want you to show me everything you know about sex." answered Jenny, flatly.
Brad took a breath. "...One more time."
"I want you to do a sex on me! Or however you say it." said Jenny, irritated. "Geez louise, you have wax in your ears or something?"
Brad calmed himself and started over. "First of all, it's "have sex". Secondly... that's a really personal, intimate thing to do Jenny. I'm not so sure the two of us are ready for it... if ever. I mean, we're best friends and I like you a lot, but..."
"Arrgg! What is the big deal with everybody today?! It's like everyone is against me!" growled Jenny angrily, clenching her fists. "Well, if you won't, then maybe I'll just go ask Tuck!" seeing the reaction this caused in Brad, Jenny smirked and pressed for more. "Yeah... I bet if I bring him some candy, Tuck would have sex with me all day long!"
"Jenny, no, that is seriously wrong. Stay away from my brother." threatened Brad, frowning with disapproval. Jenny didn't want to make her friend angry, so she tried a different tactic. "Well why won't you show me how sex works, anyway?" Brad paused, thinking of something to say without offending Jenny. "Is it because I don't have a big bouncy chest like the other girls?" complained Jenny. Oh boy... that was dangerous territory. "No, it's not that at all!" stammered Brad, clutching at straws. "Well is it because I'm a robot then?" asked Jenny, crossing her arms over her chest in a threatening manner. Brad's mind raced... there, that robot answer... that wasn't bad! Technically, a robot girl could be way different from a regular girl, it might not even be possible to have sex with Jenny. "Yes! That's it... it's because you're a robot! You see..."
The look on Jenny's face stopped Brad in his tracks. She looked like she was about to burst into tears, with her face scrunched up, her pigtails drooping, her hands shielding her face. "Oh Jenny, wait, that's not..." Brad cautiously moved to place his arm on her shoulder to comfort her, but Jenny pushed him away. "I've faced prejudice before, but... but not from my best friend!" Jenny cried, cleaning solution flowing from her eye sockets and running down her cheeks. Brad cracked, defeated. "Ok! Okay... Jenny, I'll have sex with you." Jenny's crying stopped instantly, her face brightening into a smile. "Tuck is sleeping over at a friend's house tonight so my house should be pretty private. Give me a couple of hours to get ready then meet me in my room." Jenny gave Brad a big friendly hug and thanked him profusely. "You won't regret this Brad! I'll be the best sex-er you've ever met!"
"Yeah, I'll bet. Listen, one condition Jenny: don't tell anybody about this, ok? I don't want to get in trouble because of you." Jenny nodded eagerly, "Don't worry Brad, my lips are sealed." Brad still looked weary of this arrangement, but agreed and headed for his front door while Jenny crossed the lawn to her house. She was very pleased with herself... her tricks had worked like a charm. "Maybe I can get other things I want like this" mused Jenny, "I have been wanting mom to get me a new videogame to play." Just as she reached for the doorknob, Jenny jumped backwards as someone leaped up in front of her.
"Hi Jenny!" said Sheldon in his usual manner. Jenny resolved to start paying better attention to her surroundings... this was the second time today one of her friends had managed to sneak up on her. "Jenny..." Sheldon began, nervously. "I have something very important that I need to tell you. Well, and show you, too. It's over at my house." Jenny sighed, not in the mood. "Sheldon, is this one of those life-and-death level emergencies?"
"Well, no..." Sheldon stuttered, "but it is still very important."
"Ok then, I'll get to it a little later. I promise. But right now I'm very busy." explained Jenny in a slightly condescending tone. "Just drop by later tonight and you can tell me all about it then. If I'm not at my house then I'll be at Brad's, he's tutoring me tonight." Sheldon smiled, pleased with this result. "Allright then Jenny, I'll see you tonight!" Sheldon quickly retreated back to his house before he accidentally did something to make him look foolish. With him out of sight, Jenny pushed open the door to her home and stepped inside. A couple of hours to kill before she met up with Brad? Just right for a bit of relaxing after her stressful day at school.
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My Life as a Teenaged Von Neumann Device