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Animated Joe Schmo	By : Waitohooru Category: +S through Z > South Park > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 2639 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the cartoon(s) that this fanfiction is written for, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
WARNING! The following story has strong language and adult themes, and due to its content should not be read by anyone. Which means you'll probably read it anyway. Do I make myself crystal clear?

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EPISODE 1 RECAP
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WAITOHOORU(VO): Previously, on Animated Joe Schmo...
TOM: And what is your name, young boy?
STAN: My name is Stan Marsh, and I'm from South Park, Colorado. I signed up for this show, because I could really use the money, since I want to use it to get my abusive older sister away from me, since she really pisses me off.
WAITOHOORU(VO): Stan Marsh of South Park was chosen from about one thousand young boys from the cartoon multiverse...
[Stan gets outside of the limo and gazes at the awesomeness and kickassitude of the Drawn Together house.]
STAN: Whoa, this house is huge! It's almost as big as Cartman's ass!
WAITOHOORU(VO): ...to be on a reality show called "Drawn Together", which he doesn't know is not really a reality show at all!
STAN[reading the note]: "Welcome to Drawn Together! If you are reading this, you noticed the door was locked." [stops reading] Well, duh! [continues reading] "One of your housemates has the key to the front door, and you will have to wait for him or her... or it to arrive."
WAITOHOORU(VO): Before he had to enter the Drawn Together house, he had to wait for the houseguest who had the key... only to find out...
STAN: You see, the note says that one of the housemates has the key to the front door! And since you're the only housemate remaining, I assume you automatically have it! So hand it over, bitch!
SPANKY: Yeah, hand it over, bitch!
[Toot is a bit upset, and cries her eyes out.]
STAN: What's wrong, dude?
TOOT[crying]: I... I ate the key, okay?
STAN[really, REALLY freaked out]: WHAT?!?!?!!
WAITOHOORU(VO): Eventually he entered the house... and the game really began!
[Captain Hero flexes his super muscles, and flies through the door at hyper speed. The impact knocks the door off its hinges...]
STAN: Kick ass!
WAITOHOORU(VO): In the first challenge of the game, Stan had to figure out who owns which pair of underwear, in order to win the right to sleep in the Master Bedroom.
WAITOHOORU: Number 1, the Hello Kitty panties! Everyone, please write down the name of the houseguest who you think owns these!
[Each of the houseguests writes a name next to the number 1 on their cards... including Stan, who writes "LING-LING".]
STAN(CC): I think Ling-Ling owns the Hello Kitty panties, because Hello Kitty is from Japan, and Ling-Ling is, I think, the only Japanese cartoon character around here... so he'd probably want to buy a pair just because he likes Hello Kitty so much.
WAITOHOORU(VO): Since Stan got the lowest score, he was forced to try on the underwear of the winner, which was Xandir.
STAN: You're kidding, right? I can barely move in this thing!
XANDIR: Oh, that's exactly what I said when I first found it in a treasure chest in the Fire Caves of Lower Valhalla, and then tried it on! But you'll love the Mithril Thong, trust me, honey.
WAITOHOORU(VO): After dinner, the contestants showed each other their creature comfort items...
STAN: Okay, now my creature comfort item is a commemorative John Elway football. I got this as a souvenir after I saw this one Broncos game... and a week later, it saved my life!
CLARA: Oh, tell us more!
XANDIR: Yes! Do tell!
WAITOHOORU(VO): Some of which... weren't exactly that comforting...
[Spanky unzips his pants, and shows everyone his penis. Most of the contestants shield their eyes, including Stan.]
WAITOHOORU: Uh... Spanky, I thought I told you to present your creature comfort item?
SPANKY: Well... that IS my creature comfort item! What, didn't you read my application?
WAITOHOORU(VO): And at night, since he couldn't sleep in the Master Bedroom, Stan was forced into a three-way with Toot Braunstein and Captain Hero, the two bulkiest members of the Drawn Together cast.
STAN[mumbling]: Help... help...
[Captain Hero immediately wakes up, when he hears the muffled call for help.]
CAPTAIN HERO: What is it? Is someone in trouble? I'll save you, little boy!
[Captain Hero pushes Toot aside, and crushes Stan with his bulky body.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Stan Marsh, and eight cast members, remain in the Drawn Together house. Tonight, someone is going home... but who is it?
*
*
*
* * *
[Shot of Stan Marsh.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): This is Stan Marsh, an 8-year-old boy from the hit television series "South Park".
[Shot of the front of the Drawn Together House. The Drawn Together logo is superimposed over it.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): For the next 8 days, he will, without knowing it, be the star of a reality show that he doesn't know is FAKE!
[Shot of the Drawn Together logo shattering into pieces.]
[Montage of the eight Drawn Together housemates.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): He thinks his housemates are characters from actual cartoon shows of the past and present, but what he doesn't know is that all of them were specifically created for a cartoon series called "Drawn Together", which he doesn't know actually exists. His housemates are...
[Shot of Princess Clara singing her heart out outside the swimming pool.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Princess Clara as "The Virgin"...
[Shot of Wooldoor Sockbat, being hyperactive as usual.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Wooldoor Sockbat as "The Freak"...
[Shot of Foxxy Love shakin' her booty while listening to the stereo.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Foxxy Love as "The Sistah"...
[Shot of Toot Braunstein doing her daily routine of cleaning out the fridge.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Toot Braunstein as "The Bitch"...
[Shot of Ling-Ling charging up energy for an upcoming battle.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Ling-Ling as "The Schemer"...
[Shot of Xandir practicing swinging his sword around.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Xandir as "The Gotta-Be-Gay Guy"...
[Shot of Spanky Ham peeing on a couch cushion.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Spanky Ham as "The Asshole"...
[Shot of Captain Hero lifting some weights.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Captain Hero as "The Jock"...
[Shot of Waitohooru, the host, in front of the Drawn Together House.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): And me, Waitohooru, as "The Smarmy Host".
[Montage of various scenes from the series.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): How long will Stan last in the Drawn Together House without discovering the truth?
[Shot of Stan in the Drawn Together House, talking to someone.]
STAN: Dude, this is really f***ed up right here.
WAITOHOORU(VO): Find out, on the Animated Joe Schmo Show!
* * *
WHO'S STILL IN THE HOUSE:
STAN MARSH (A-duuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh!)
PRINCESS CLARA
WOOLDOOR SOCKBAT
FOXXY LOVE
TOOT BRAUNSTEIN
LING-LING
XANDIR
SPANKY HAM
CAPTAIN HERO
* * *
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EPISODE 2: ROOM SERVICE
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* * *
*****
DAY 2
*****
[Cut to the outside of the Drawn Together house. On the fence surrounding the house, an obligatory cartoon rooster crows its precious esophagus out, signaling the start of Day 2.]
[Cut back to inside the Blue Room, where Toot Braunstein and Captain Hero are still in bed, and are still on top of Stan Marsh. The sound of the rooster causes both of them to wake up and pop out of bed like Pop-Tarts pop out of a toaster. Stan, however, does not get up yet, as he is still flattened.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Ah, another morning beckons! I feel alive and refreshed, just like a little girl!
TOOT[pissed off]: I'm up because that annoying rooster woke me up! I'd love to wrap my hands around that cock!
[Toot turns, and gazes at Captain Hero.]
TOOT[in sexy voice]: Of course, if you want me to, I could wrap my hands around YOUR cock instead...
CAPTAIN HERO[scratching his head]: Um... let's have breakfast, okay? A super meal would do wonders for my super strength!
TOOT: Breakfast, eh? NOW you're talking my language!
[Toot and Captain Hero leave the Blue Room. At this point, Stan recovers from his flattened state. He looks around, and realizes that he is in the Blue Room. He hasn't died. That's Kenny's job.]
STAN[reeling]: Whoa... what the hell just happened...
STAN(CC): I couldn't believe I made it through the first night. Those two people were so heavy, I could have died. But I'm still alive...
* * *
[Stan leaves the Blue Room, and enters the hallway toward the living room. He is immediately greeted by a hyperactive Wooldoor Sockbat.]
WOOLDOOR: It's morning! Yay, it's morning!!! YEEEEAH!!!
STAN[rubbing his eyes]: Ugh... do you really need to tell EVERYONE that...?
WOOLDOOR: Yes, I do, because morning is the most important time of the day! Wheeeeeee!
STAN(CC): Wooldoor Sockbat... I'll tell you right now, he is really getting on my nerves. He was so annoying this morning... I don't know why anyone ever put up with him.
STAN: Um, whatever, dude.
WOOLDOOR: I can't wait to find out what we're going to have for breakfast! It smells so yummy! Yaaaay!
[Wooldoor skips down the hallway toward the kitchen. Stan, however, heads toward the living room, where he spots Spanky and Xandir playing a game of pool. Spanky has placed some pool balls on the pool table.]
SPANKY[to Xandir]: Yo, check this out! My balls are on the table! Get it?
XANDIR: Um... that's nice, Spanky.
[As soon as Stan approaches them, Xandir walks over to him.]
XANDIR: If you don't mind, Stan, may I talk to you for a bit?
STAN: Uh, sure, go ahead.
[Xandir takes Stan aside, and leads him into the Red Room.]
XANDIR[to Stan]: I just wanted to ask you how you slept last night.
STAN: Well, to tell you the truth, i... it sucked ass.
XANDIR: Really?
STAN: How would YOU feel if you had to sleep under those two people? I'm not a pillow!
XANDIR: But you're still alive, right?
STAN: Oh yeah, I WAS wondering about that...
XANDIR: It must've been that thong I gave you! It totally saved your life!
STAN: Oh, it did?
XANDIR: I believe I told you about it before... when I found it in a chest in the Fire Caves of Lower Valhalla, did I not?
STAN: Yeah, I believe you did.
XANDIR: Anyway, after I escaped from the Fire Caves, I asked a sage in a nearby town about it, and he told me that the Mithril Thong protects against just about every weapon attack, elemental attack, status ailment, and STD known to man! And it gradually recovers a bit of your health every minute as long as you are wearing it! I think it's a perfect accessory to any outfit, don't you?
STAN: So I see...
XANDIR: One day while I was wearing it, I decided to test it out. So one night, I went to the Ogre Tunnel northwest of the village, and I explored until I found a cozy little nook that was very deep... and I decided to take a power nap. Unfortunately, I realized a tad late that that cozy little nook just happened to be an ogre's bedroom! The ogre who entered it slept on the very spot I slept on, and right on top of me!
STAN: Jesus... that must have hurt like hell!
XANDIR: Well, actually, it didn't, because the effects of the Mithril Thong prevented me from getting crushed by the ogre's massive body! Besides, that ogre had a bad case of chlamydia! Lord knows what that can do to your stats!
STAN: Wow...
XANDIR: Let me check you just a bit...
[Xandir looks over Stan's body.]
XANDIR: Just as I thought! The thong must have worked! I guess my underwear transformed you!
STAN: Transformed me?
[Now Stan looks over Stan's body.]
STAN: Into... into what? I don't look different...
XANDIR: Apparently it transformed you into some kind of... being with godlike powers! Yeah, that's totally it!
STAN[smiling]: Wow... I guess I *do* feel like a god, huh? Kick ass!
SPANKY(OS): Yo! "GAY Boy Advance"! Breakfast is ready! If you don't get there quickly, that fat bitch will eat it all!
TOOT(OS): Hey! Don't call ME a fat bitch!
XANDIR[shouting across the hall]: Coming!
[Fast-motion shot of Xandir and Stan rushing into the dining room. The other Drawn Together cast members are seated around the table... eating their food as fast as Ling-Ling can cook it. Which is that fast, if you've seen Ling-Ling in action.]
SPANKY: Yeah, keep it going, Asian! Give me some more food, so I can turn it into crap later when I go to the bathroom!
LING-LING[muttering]: (You are so asking for challenge, pig-demon... maybe Ling-Ling should cook YOU instead!)
SPANKY: What's that you say, Japanese? You want to work your Asian ass off, and faster? Okay, if that's what you want...
[Ling-Ling sweatdrops.]
[Meanwhile, Clara, who is one of the few contestants who is eating her food rather daintily, is enjoying some of the pancakes Ling-Ling has made.]
CLARA[smiling]: Back in my kingdom, we never had pancakes like this!
FOXXY: It's like Aunt Jemima done taught him the recipe!
CLARA: Who's this "Aunt Jemima", um, "Foxxy", you said your name was? If she's that good, is she white?
FOXXY: No, she black.
CLARA: Oh, I'm surprised, because father told me that black people aren't that good at cooking. They usually eat whatever they see with those eyes of theirs.
[Foxxy narrows her eyes and crosses her arms, obviously offended by another of Clara's racist remarks.]
FOXXY[pissed off]: I know you did NOT just make a racist comment about black people just now!
CLARA: Oh, I didn't? Well, I think that's the first time anyone ever told me when I *haven't* made a racist comment! Usually, people tell me when I *have* made racist comments! Thank you, Foxxy, for sticking up for me!
[Meanwhile, Captain Hero wolfs down his stack of pancakes.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Man, I really like pancakes! My super powers grow stronger when I eat pancakes!
STAN: And what "super powers" are they? Super strength? Super speed?
CAPTAIN HERO: Actually, pancakes don't do anything to my super powers. I just felt like saying, "my super powers grow stronger when I eat pancakes".
STAN: Ooookay...
[Also, Toot, who has finished her stack of pancakes, is eating Xandir's stack.]
SPANKY[to Xandir]: Hey, "Zendar", was it? This fat blob is eating your pancakes!
TOOT[pissed off]: I'm NOT a fat blob, okay?!
XANDIR[to Spanky]: It's "Xandir", and she can have them. I'm totally on Atkins.
SPANKY: And what are they... are they potions from your video-game world, hm?
XANDIR: No... Atkins is a man.
SPANKY: Well, I'm not surprised if you want to eat a man... I mean, because you're a homo.
XANDIR[defensive]: No! I don't want to eat him... or make love to him! Atkins is just a guy who invented a diet!
TOOT: I don't care who this Atkins guy is... [shouting] I WANT MORE PANCAKES!!!
SPANKY[to Ling-Ling]: You heard the tractor trailer! Make her some more pancakes!
TOOT[pissed off]: And I'm NOT a tractor trailer!
LING-LING[under his breath]: (Why Ling-Ling have to make pancakes for them... why Ling-Ling no get to eat any...)
[Ling-Ling grudgingly makes some more pancakes for Toot.]
WOOLDOOR: If she gets to have more pancakes, can I have some too? Pretty please?
[Stan puts his arms on the table, and places his head on top of them.]
STAN: I can tell you right now... breakfast back at home was never as f***ed up as this...
* * *
[Later, we cut to a shot of Stan being interviewed by the Animation Alliance in a camera confessional.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): After breakfast, the Animation Alliance does mini-interviews with each of the houseguests. However, every time Stan is being interviewed, we send our eight actors out of the Drawn Together house, and into our trailer, where we will have our daily cast meeting, to discuss how things are going so far, and how they, in the future, should not go TOO far.
[Fast-motion shot of the eight Drawn Together cast members leaving the Drawn Together house, and entering the trailer.]
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CAST MEETING
************
[Shot of the eight Drawn Together cast members talking to the members of the Animation Alliance.]
MANNY: First off, I'd like to say you eight did a fantastic job in fooling Stan. He still doesn't suspect any of you yet!
CLARA: Why, thank you so very much!
BARB: But it's not over yet! We still have seven more days to go, and anything could happen.
TOM: That's right, everyone! As long as you remain in character, and stick to the script, we'll get through this.
MANNY: Now, on to business. Ling-Ling, a scene in which you talk to Stan is coming up next. Remember, you want him to form an alliance with you!
LING-LING: (Shall Ling-Ling extend the scene so Ling-Ling forces each of the others to form alliance with Ling-Ling? Because EVERYONE must bow to Ling-Ling!)
MANNY: Um... whatever you want, as long as it isn't over-the-top.
LING-LING: (Okay!)
MIKE: And Clara, you'll need to keep up the sweet princess image... Toot, make sure to crank up the bitchiness, and Spanky, just, go all out and be as disgusting as possible.
SPANKY: Well, that won't be a problem, dude! I've got it all covered!
HENRY: Xandir, I think Stan knows you're gay now, so you don't have to hide it from him anymore.
XANDIR: Maybe I shouldn't have hidden it from him to begin with.
SPANKY: Hey, when's the cameo guest star that we were promised for this episode gonna show up?
CAPTAIN HERO: Yeah, the really hot girl with glasses, red hair and big oobies?
TOM: Oh, you mean Mune-Mune, from Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi? She'll be arriving shortly. Remember, you two, you can still be perverted, but don't get too perverted in front of Stan.
JANE: And Toot, I know you're jealous of her figure, but stop focusing on her body and start focusing on the script!
TOOT: Will do. Besides, once this episode's over, that slut's gonna get what's coming to her anyway.
JANE: I... hope you didn't just call Mune-Mune a "slut".
TOOT: Oh, I did.
[Toot giggles to herself, causing the members of the Animation Alliance to roll their eyes.]
* * *
[Cut back to Stan in the interview room.]
STAN: Actually, I don't know if I would consider modeling the Mithril Thong in a catalog... I mean, I've seen some catalogs, and I don't think the people who wear thongs in those kinds of catalogs are under ten. Hell, I don't even think they're under eighteen!
TIM[raising his hand]: Okay, that's a wrap! We're done with your interview. You can rejoin your other housemates now.
STAN: Sweet!
[Stan leaves the confessional room, and as soon as he first sets foot in the living room, he is accosted by Ling-Ling.]
STAN: Oh, hi.
LING-LING[raising both of his hands]: (Perfect timing, young child! You just in time to watch Ling-Ling rearrange every single organ of your body!)
STAN: What are YOU doing here?
LING-LING[holding up three fingers]: (If challenge you accept, then say Ling-Ling name three time!)
STAN: Why the hell are you always talking like that, Ling-Ling? Can't you speak English?
[As soon as Stan uttered "Ling-Ling", an icon appears in the upper right of the screen. It is a picture of Ling-Ling with "x1" next to it. Ling-Ling starts to evolve in a manner that shows what the love child of both someone from Pokémon and someone from Dragon Ball Z would look like.]
STAN[freaked out]: Whoa!
STAN(CC): I don't know what happened, but Ling-Ling suddenly grew yellow spikes all over its body. I guess this is no surprise to me, since I've seen some Japanese cartoons, and the characters in those cartoons are known to do that.
LING-LING: (Now say name two more times, and then die! If not say name two more times, then still die! Ling-Ling win either way.)
STAN: Holy sh**! What the hell happened to you, Ling-Ling?!
[Upon utterance #2 of the name "Ling-Ling", the same icon appears in the upper-right, only now it reads "x2" instead of "x1". Ling-Ling starts to grow bigger and gain more spikes on its body (and it didn't even take any Viagra this morning).]
LING-LING: (One more time, and Ling-Ling will finally open up your fragile body, remove each innard individually, and then convert flesh into condom for safe sex.)
STAN: I can't put my finger on it, but I think you're trying to tell me something...
LING-LING: (Say it!)
STAN: You obviously WANT something, don't you?
[Ling-Ling grows more and more impatient.]
LING-LING: (What's my name, bitch?! What's my name?!?!?!)
STAN: I honestly don't know what it is... whether you want to form an alliance, or...
[Ling-Ling suddenly jumps onto the pool table, and raises his hands, creating a really HUGE orb of ball lightning. He is about to throw it at Stan, when...]
STAN: Okay, okay, I'll form an alliance with you! Jesus tap-dancing Christ!
[Well, Stan may not be shocked, but Ling-Ling is --- no pun intended. He never expected anything like this to happen.]
LING-LING(CC): (Ling-Ling was not going to ask little kid to form alliance with him until eighteen pages later in script, and he asks to form alliance right away. For American, Stan truly a child of destiny. Ling-Ling will definitely not kill him NOW.)
[Ling-Ling smiles, upon hearing that Stan has formed an alliance with him.]
LING-LING[smiling]: (You form alliance with Ling-Ling? But Ling-Ling thought impossible, considering...)
STAN: Well, I know how you feel, so maybe I should take your side. I didn't want you to go yet anyway.
[Ling-Ling goes into the ever-so-inquistive SD mode. That's super-deformed, for those who aren't too hip on their abbreviations.]
LING-LING[inquisitive]: (Then... then which lamb should Ling-Ling sacrifice to the blood-stained altar?)
STAN: I'm thinking... Spanky.
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Spanky peeing on the outside wall of the Drawn Together house.]
LING-LING: Spanky?
STAN: Yeah, you know, the pig who keeps peeing on everyone. And I've got a sneaking suspicion that once I get my underwear back, I'll find out that he sh** in it. I hate that asshole!
LING-LING: (Spanky actually pig, and not lamb, but Ling-Ling no care. Ling-Ling... hate Spanky too!)
STAN: So, it's settled... we get rid of Spanky tonight?
[Stan holds out his pinky in front of Ling-Ling, and Ling-Ling holds his out. They lock pinkies, and form a pinky swear to get rid of someone who may or may not be evicted this episode.]
STAN: You know, I may not understand what you're saying, but I totally understand what you're thinking, dude!
LING-LING[laughing]: (Want to bet?)
STAN: Anyway, I think it's time for me to go to my room to see if I got my underwear back. Talk to you later, Ling-Ling!
[As soon as Stan says "Ling-Ling" a third time, the icon in the upper-right corner changes to "x3", and Ling-Ling reaches its final evolutionary phase, which is freaky enough to have the creators of Pokémon peeing their pants.]
STAN[really frightened]: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
[Stan heads as far away from Ling-Ling as possible. Ling-Ling immediately reverts to its original form.]
LING-LING[to himself]: (Americans. They only like when they change their appearance, but not when we Asian change our. Such a pity.)
* * *
[After the meeting with Ling-Ling, Stan returns to the Blue Room. He finds a suitcase on the bed, which contains all the underwear that was taken away from him when he lost the Reward Challenge. To his surprise, none of Stan's underwear has any poo stains on it.]
STAN: Wow... my underwear is here... and it looks clean...
SPANKY(OS): Surprised, huh?
[Stan turns to see Spanky Ham standing behind him.]
STAN: Spanky? But you told me you were going to take a crap in my underwear!
SPANKY: Nah. I was only kidding. I washed your underwear instead! Try it out!
[Stan takes off his clothes, and then takes off his Mithril Thong... and tries on one of his pairs of underwear. But just as soon as he tries it on, he immediately notices something...]
STAN: Gross! There's a pee stain on this one!
SPANKY: Well, I told you I washed your underwear... but I didn't tell ya what I washed it WITH!
[Spanky laughs at Stan, who curses under his breath while putting his clothes back on.]
STAN(CC): Remember when I told Ling-Ling I wanted to vote Spanky off? I wasn't kidding. He just peed all over my underwear. I mean, it's like the guy just wants to take a leak on whatever he finds. I do NOT find this funny.
SPANKY(CC): The supposed "pee stains" on Stan's underwear? That's laundry detergent. But it's YELLOW laundry detergent, so he won't know the difference! Score another successful prank for the Spankster!
*
*
*
[Cut back to the courtyard of the Drawn Together house. All nine of the contestants are there, eagerly awaiting the next challenge. There is also some kind of operating table, big enough for someone to lie on.]
*****************************************
IMMUNITY CHALLENGE 1: HANDS ON A HOT BODY
*****************************************
[Just then, Waitohooru, the host, emerges from the Drawn Together house. He is wearing a white, feathery robe, that you should recognize if you watched Drawn Together before. That's right. It's the very same robe Captain Hero wore when he was going out with Clara's special cousin Bleh. (Note: Just because Captain Hero wore that robe in that episode does not necessarily mean he's going to wear it in this fanfic. After all, this is Animated Joe Schmo, not Cartoon Survivor.)]
WAITOHOORU: Welcome, everyone, to your first immunity challenge! Now, you may be wondering why I'm wearing this robe. And no, it's not because I'm gay. This is, in fact, the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe, and when you wear this, you will be safe from tonight's eviction ceremony. Are there any questions?
SPANKY: Yeah... are you naked under that robe?
WAITOHOORU[defensive]: No, I'm not!
SPANKY[scratching his head]: Just askin' is all.
WAITOHOORU: Anyway, your first immunity challenge is a test of patience, as well as endurance. It's for the right to win the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe, and it's called "Hands on a Hot Body." And we have a cameo guest star who is going to help with this challenge... from Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi, please say hello to miss Muneko Muneyama!
[Abenobashi's Mune-Mune steps onto the scene. She is every male anime otaku's fantasy... a sexy, loose, pink-haired girl with a nice pair of... glasses. Of course, she also has big gazongas.]
MUNE-MUNE: Thanks, but call me "Mune-Mune"!
WAITOHOORU: Okay... "Mune-Mune".
MUNE-MUNE: Thank you!
MUNE-MUNE(CC): When the Animation Alliance had spots open for sexy models, I was excited. And I get to work my magic on some young boy other than Satoshi for a change! Besides, after the show, Stan'll probably have the hots for me, because face it --- his supposed girlfriend Wendy Testaburger? She's as flat as a pancake.
[Meanwhile, a certain black-haired girl wearing a pink coat turns off her TV in disgust... and then goes back to writing her term paper protesting against the dumbing-down of society.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, now if you look closely, you will see nine dollar bills sticking out of her bikini. Japanese women like Mune-Mune have no use for dollar bills, since they use yen instead. But that's not important. What is important is that each of the dollar bills has a number on it from 1 to 9. Each of you will take one of these dollar bills from her body. The number on the bill you draw will, for some reason, tell you which part of Mune-Mune's body you must touch with one of your own hands. The game begins as soon as each of the nine of you touch whichever part of Mune-Mune's body you were assigned. Once you place a hand on Mune-Mune's body, you must use that hand, and that hand alone, and you cannot switch hands. And once you take your hand off Mune-Mune, you are out of the contest, and cannot compete for immunity. The houseguest who keeps his or her hand on Mune-Mune the longest wins the Immunity Robe, and gets to stay in the Drawn Together house for another day!
[The nine contestants cheer.]
WAITOHOORU: However, whoever is the FIRST to let go of Mune-Mune will be banished from whatever room he or she is currently staying in, and will have to spend nights alone in the laundry room as long as he or she remains in the game!
[The nine contestants are worried... except for Ling-Ling, who appears to be smiling for some reason. Stan also has a bit of a smile on his face, but not much.]
STAN(CC): Waitohooru told us that whoever let go of Mune-Mune first will have to sleep alone. Actually, I didn't mind wanting to be the first to let go of her, because if I slept in the laundry room, I'd have my own room, and I wouldn't have to sleep with Captain Hero and Toot ever again. Then again, I won't win immunity, and I could be voted off... dude, that's a tough decision for me to make. What should I do?
XANDIR: Omigod...
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, none of you want to be the first to let go, particularly you, Xandir, since you just acquired the Master Bedroom for yourself! Okay, now let's pick a dollar bill from her bikini, and we'll begin! Xandir, since you won the reward challenge, why don't you start us off!
XANDIR: Goody!
[Xandir goes over to Mune-Mune's body, and picks one of nine dollar bills from her bikini. This one has the number 5 on it.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay, now give it over here.
XANDIR: Will do, honey!
[Xandir gives the dollar bill to Waitohooru, who looks at the dollar bill very closely.]
WAITOHOORU: Ah, Xandir, you're so lucky! You will get to touch Mune-Mune's left leg!
XANDIR: Wow...
WAITOHOORU: Okay, who should go next?
TOOT[raising her hand]: Me me me!
WAITOHOORU: Anyone else?
TOOT[annoyed]: Hello? I'm right here!
WAITOHOORU: Just kidding, Toot! You can choose next!
TOOT[relieved]: I never thought I'd hear a man say that to me!
WAITOHOORU: Just pick a dollar bill, huh?
TOOT: Oh, okay.
[Toot picks another dollar bill from Mune-Mune, which has the number 9 on it. She gives it to Waitohooru.]
WAITOHOORU: Ah, an important one for you, Toot, because you will get Mune-Mune's right leg!
TOOT: How is THAT important?
WAITOHOORU: Oh, you'll find out. Who wants to go next?
STAN: Maybe I'll go... since it looks like a normal touching game to me.
WAITOHOORU(CC): Oh, Stan will be eating those words soon enough... and they'll leave a bitter taste in his mouth. Maybe now would a good time to point out his gag reflex... but then again, we'll be seeing it plenty of times later on this series. Just watch!
WAITOHOORU: Stan? Well, then, go ahead!
STAN: Sweet!
[Stan picks another dollar bill from Mune-Mune, and this one has the number 7 on it.]
MUNE-MUNE: Although, it would've been more fun if Eutus-sama were here... I know which one HE'D choose!
[Stan gives the dollar bill to Waitohooru.]
WAITOHOORU: You're gonna like this one, Stan --- you get to touch Mune-Mune's right breast!
ALL EXCEPT STAN: Oooooooh!
SPANKY: All right! The little boy's gonna get some!
WOOLDOOR: Get some what?
STAN: Oh brother...
STAN(CC): The good news is, I have to touch Mune-Mune's breast. The bad news is, my parents are definitely going to see me doing this, and they are definitely going to ground me. I said it before, I'll say it again... Mom! Dad! I'm really, really, REALLY sorry!!!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, who's next?
[Clara raises her hand.]
CLARA: May I go next, pretty please?
WAITOHOORU: Why yes, you may.
[Clara picks a dollar bill with the number 3 on it, and gives it to Waitohooru.]
WAITOHOORU: Another good one, Clara! You get to touch Mune-Mune's LEFT breast!
[Spanky and Captain Hero giggle.]
CLARA: What's so funny?
SPANKY: Oh, nothing. 'S just something I wanted to see happen.
CAPTAIN HERO: Yeah, me too! But since both breasts are taken, what am *I* going to get?
WAITOHOORU: Oh, Captain Hero, you wanted to go next?
CAPTAIN HERO: Why yes, I do!
[Captain Hero takes another dollar bill, this one with the number 1 on it, and gives it to Waitohooru.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Ooh, the number 1! It must be a really good one! What do I get... her vagina? Her belly button?
WAITOHOORU: Close... you get her left foot!
CAPTAIN HERO: Oh well... I might as well give her a foot massage... [stares at Mune-Mune] anything for a young lady like Mune-Mune!
[Mune-Mune giggles.]
TOOT[sarcastically]: Yeah, show your undying devotion to the sexy cameo guest star, and ignore the girl from the twenties! What am I --- chopped liver?
WAITOHOORU: All right, who wants to go next?
WOOLDOOR: Me me me me me me!
WAITOHOORU: Wooldoor Sockbat, huh? You're up!
WOOLDOOR: Wheee!
[Wooldoor takes a sixth dollar bill, which has the number 6 on it. Oh yeah, and he gives it to Waitohooru.]
WAITOHOORU: Another good one! You get to touch Mune-Mune's neck!
WOOLDOOR: Yaaaaay! I got a good one!
TOOT[rolling her eyes]: You were probably going to say it anyway, no matter WHAT you got...
WAITOHOORU: Three more spots are left. Who's next?
[Ling-Ling raises his hand.]
LING-LING: Hai!
WOOLDOOR: Hi, Ling-Ling.
WAITOHOORU: Ling-Ling, eh? Well, hope you get a good one!
LING-LING: (Oh, it'll definitely be better than the ones YOU Americans got...)
[Ling-Ling picks one of the three remaining dollar bills, and hands it to Waitohooru. This one has the number 2 on it.]
WAITOHOORU: Ah, Ling-Ling, you get to touch Mune-Mune's forehead!
LING-LING: (Well, not most honorable task, but Ling-Ling cannot see anyone else do better, so okay.)
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, I *know* you can't wait to do this one... Well, only after the other two have chosen can you make your decision.
SPANKY: I think the best will probably be saved for last, so... [to Foxxy] Blackie, why don't you do it?
FOXXY: Well, I dunno...
SPANKY: Come on! Nigga, please! Nigga, PLEASE!
FOXXY[under her breath]: Don't you say none of that to me again else I gone whup yo' ass...
[Foxxy takes one of the remaining two dollar bills (which has the number 8 on it), and gives it to Waitohooru.]
WAITOHOORU: Ah, you, Foxxy, will get to touch Mune-Mune's right foot!
FOXXY: Well, at least it ain't the other choice... I'd prob'ly hafta touch her ass or somethin'.
WAITOHOORU: We'll see... Spanky, you get the honor of choosing the last one!
SPANKY: Suh-weet!
[Spanky approaches Mune-Mune, and ponders over which of the one remaining dollar bill he should choose.]
WAITOHOORU: Um, there's only one dollar bill left, Spanky.
SPANKY: I know. I was just checkin' her rack.
WAITOHOORU: Oh, will you just take the damn bill already?!
MUNE-MUNE: Actually, I wouldn't mind having him stare at me! I like when guys do that!
WAITOHOORU[to Mune-Mune]: You're not helping...
[Spanky finally takes the last dollar bill (if you've been paying attention, it should be the one with the number 4 on it), and gives that to Waitohooru.]
SPANKY: So, do I get to feel up the Asian girl's ass or what?
WAITOHOORU: It's not that... but you *DO* get to touch her vagina!
[A few of the contestants are shocked, Stan included.]
SPANKY[excited]: Even better! You don't know how long I've been wanting to do that!
MUNE-MUNE: And you don't know how long I've wanted someone to do that!
TOOT[pissed off]: Oh, get a f***ing ROOM, you two!
WAITOHOORU: And now, before we place our hands on Mune-Mune... Mune-Mune, would you do the honors?
MUNE-MUNE: Why, of course I could! But I want to warn those little girls out there who may be watching this... girls, don't try this at home! You'll only make your mother look bad!
WAITOHOORU: Words to live by from Mune-Mune herself...
[Mune-Mune then takes off her bikini top, and shows Waitohooru and all nine contestants those two... huge... jiggling... globes of... pure... hot... encompassing... stimulating...]
STAN: WHOA!
[Then again, Stan Marsh could probably say it better than I could.]
MUNE-MUNE: Were THESE what you wanted to see? And I know what you're all going to say, so I'll just say it to save you some time --- yes.
XANDIR: Actually... that wasn't what *I* wanted to see...
CAPTAIN HERO: Well, I wouldn't be surprised... "Electronic GAYing Monthly".
SPANKY[to Captain Hero]: Good one!
[Captain Hero and Spanky high-five.]
XANDIR: Don't call me that!
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Mune-Mune, please lie on the table!
MUNE-MUNE[excited]: As you wish, master!
[The topless Mune-Mune now lies on top of the table.]
WAITOHOORU: She's really into this... okay, now everyone, the game will begin when all of you place your hand on the body part you were assigned!
[The nine take their positions standing on little stools surrounding the table. Ling-Ling touches Mune-Mune's forehead, Wooldoor touches her neck, Clara touches the left breast while Stan touches the right breast, Captain Hero fondles the left foot while Foxxy gropes the right, Xandir caresses the left leg while Toot handles the right leg... and Spanky (lucky devil) gets to play with Mune-Mune's vagina for a while... the following camera confessionals will tell you why Spanky has to be in that position.]
SPANKY(CC): The immunity challenge was rigged so that I would be the only one left touching Mune-Mune while the other eight end up letting go of her, and I would be showing off my new Immunity Robe. The white feathers on that robe remind me of when I did those hen triplets back in November 2002. Ah, those were the days...
MUNE-MUNE(CC): Before my arrival at the Drawn Together house, the Animation Alliance spread some super glue all over my vagina, so that Spanky's hand would get stuck to it all through the challenge, ensuring he'd be the last one standing. To tell the truth, I thought that was so that one of my greatest sexual fantasies would be fulfilled... and I think it is!
WAITOHOORU(CC): And guess where the super glue idea came from? That's right! One of the side stories of Animation Survivor! Yeah, it's the lawsuit chapter, where Tai's hand is glued to a statue! It's also where the Powerpuff Girls attempt to sue the Animation Alliance...
[Tom Wallace sticks his head in Waitohooru's camera confessional.]
TOM(CC): It's where the Powerpuff Girls did WHAT?
WAITOHOORU(CC): Uh... I didn't say anything! Hey, Tom. Uh... nice... day... isn't it?
TOM(CC): Oh. Okay.
[Tom leaves.]
WAITOHOORU(CC): Whew!
[Cut back to all nine contestants... at the table. Touching Mune-Mune.]
STAN[muttering]: My parents are really going to kill me after this...
WAITOHOORU: Okay, let's begin! Remember, winner gets the Immunity Robe, and first one to let go gets sent to the laundry room tonight!
SPANKY: It's not gonna be me, dammit! No laundry room can clean up THIS dirty pig!
[Waitohooru raises his hand... and after five seconds, lowers it.]
WAITOHOORU: And... GO!
[Waitohooru backs aside, leaving the nine to attempt to outlast each other in this shameless parody of one of those hand-on-a-statue challenges on Survivor.]
STAN(CC): I really thought about being the first to let go of Mune-Mune... because I really wanted my own room at last. But, then someone else beat me to it!
[After about like five seconds, Ling-Ling becomes the first to let go of Mune-Mune! Why? You'll find out! Be patient!]
LING-LING: (Okay, Ling-Ling done.)
WAITOHOORU: Well, that was fast. You just don't want to go through with it, Ling-Ling?
LING-LING: (Part of strategy. Done already.)
MUNE-MUNE: I think he says that it's part of his strategy.
WAITOHOORU: Mune-Mune... you understood what he said?
MUNE-MUNE: Yeah... after all, I *am* an anime character!
MUNE-MUNE(CC): To be honest, I didn't understand what Ling-Ling said, because it was complete gibberish. But I wasn't going to argue with the script, because I'm a cameo guest star, and I want to pimp my presence, as well as pimp Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi! Speaking of which, you people watching at home should take twenty dollars out of your wallets and buy both books, which should be in the graphic novels section of your favorite bookstore! I make reading FUN!
WAITOHOORU: It's official... Ling-Ling is the first to bail out, so he will be sleeping in the laundry room for the rest of the game!
LING-LING: (Finally! Own room at last! Ling-Ling master plan one step closer to fruition!)
[Ling-Ling joins Waitohooru at the sidelines, leaving eight contestants (actually Stan and seven Drawn Together cast members) to continue the challenge.]
WAITOHOORU: Whoa, you seem happy about this, Ling-Ling.
LING-LING: (You American have no idea...)
STAN(CC): Since Ling-Ling was going to sleep in the laundry room, I figured... screw it. I'm just going to play for immunity instead, because I want Spanky Ham outta here!
[Shot of all eight still touching Mune-Mune's body.]
MUNE-MUNE: Ooh, that feels good!
* * *
[30 minutes pass. Shot of all eight STILL touching Mune-Mune's body.]
MUNE-MUNE: Ooh, that STILL feels good!
WAITOHOORU: You eight are really determined to win this immunity, aren't you?
FOXXY: Hell yeah, we determined! We ain't never givin' up, boyee!
XANDIR: Yeah, that's right!
WAITOHOORU: Some of you are going to let go eventually... just thought you'd like to know that.
CAPTAIN HERO: It's not happening NOW, I can tell you that!
WAITOHOORU: Oh really...
[Waitohooru goes inside the house for a while. You know when there's a challenge that involves endurance and stamina, and the host goes inside the house, that can mean one of two things, either the host has to go to the bathroom really bad, or...]
STAN: I think I know what's going on...
[...or the host comes out of the house with a plate of delicious food, which is what is actually happening. What, you actually thought the first scenario would happen? Good. I didn't think so either.]
STAN(CC): Waitohooru immediately comes out of the house carrying a huge plate of chocolate chip cookies. I was really glad Cartman wasn't here, because he would have eaten them all!
FOXXY: Oh no, you di'n't!
WAITOHOORU: Oh yes, I did! Chocolate chip cookies for whoever bails out right now!
WOOLDOOR: Yummy! I just looooove chocolate chip cookies!
TOOT: You said my three favorite words that begin with the letter C!
[Wooldoor and Toot immediately let go of Mune-Mune, and dive right into the plate of chocolate chip cookies.]
WAITOHOORU: Whoa, you two must not care about immunity so much, but you care about cookies?
TOOT: They're chocolate chip cookies, and yes.
WAITOHOORU: Anyone else want chocolate chip cookies?
STAN: Um... no thanks! I know those cookies look yummy, but I want to win!
CAPTAIN HERO: That's right! A superhero never backs down from his duty!
XANDIR: Yeah, and besides, they go straight to my hips.
WAITOHOORU: Okay, suit yourself. These cookies are going to be eaten by Toot, Wooldoor, and Ling-Ling, if that's what you want!
FOXXY: Yeah, we coo' with dat.
WAITOHOORU: Okay then.
[Waitohooru gives the remaining cookies to Toot, Wooldoor, and Ling-Ling.]
STAN(CC): So, Toot, Wooldoor, and Ling-Ling eat the chocolate chip cookies. Which is fine with me, because I didn't work my ass off in this challenge for some chocolate chip cookies. I work my ass off for immunity, and that's it.
* * *
[An hour has passed in the challenge, and there are still six participants (Stan still being among them).]
WAITOHOORU: Well, I see we've reached an hour in our little challenge.
STAN: Oh, PLEASE don't tell me what I think you're going to say...
WAITOHOORU: That's right...
[Waitohooru returns to the house once again.]
STAN: Oh no... not that...
[Waitohooru once again comes out of the house, this time, carrying a big ol' chocolate cake!]
WAITOHOORU: Chocolate cake to whoever quits the challenge right now!
FOXXY: Chocolate cake? Come to mama!
[Foxxy and Captain Hero are contestants #4 and #5 to let go of Mune-Mune.]
WAITOHOORU: So, Captain Hero and Foxxy, you couldn't help yourselves, eh?
XANDIR: Captain Hero? But didn't you say "A superhero never backs down from his duty"?
CAPTAIN HERO: Hello? I said "a superhero"! I didn't actually say it was going to be ME! Besides, that cake had my name on it.
WAITOHOORU: Well, dig in. You may not have won immunity now, but maybe this cake will make you feel better.
[Foxxy and Captain Hero each take a slice of chocolate cake, and eat it.]
FOXXY: Mmm... this taste as sweet as mama's chocolate milk... straight from the breast! Just the way Foxxy like it!
WAITOHOORU: ...'Kay.
STAN(CC): First, he tempted me with chocolate chip cookies, and now it's chocolate cake. You know what? Waitohooru can do whatever he damn well wants, but as much as I love eating cookies and cake, and as much as I hate my parents seeing me touching a naked girl... I want to win immunity!
WAITOHOORU: Well, I see that four people have resisted the temptation of sweets... but there are other temptations... trust me.
CLARA: Then I must continue this challenge! Father told me to always resist temptation from strangers!
SPANKY: Um, excuse me, Your Highness, but isn't touching another chick's tit NOT resisting temptation?
CLARA: I don't understand.
SPANKY: Hello? You're a chick... and that Asian chick is a chick. You know what you become when you touch another chick's boob?
[Clara's jaw drops upon hearing Spanky's words.]
SPANKY: That's right. You become a lesbian.
CLARA: Oh my god... Father told me that lesbians are the devil! In fact, he told me that all homosexuals are evil!
XANDIR: What?! He said THAT?!
SPANKY: That's not what MY father told me... but if you want to continue the challenge, you'll just have to realize that there comes a time for every girl to munch carpet eventually.
CLARA: No way! I won't do this!
[Clara lets go of Mune-Mune, leaving three players in the running for immunity.]
MUNE-MUNE: Oh great... now the only people touching me are guys! Not that that's a bad thing...
STAN(CC): And then I saw Clara let go of Mune-Mune, because Spanky had to tell her something about lesbianism, and she actually believed him. I know he wants immunity, and he wants to talk us out of winning it... but I'm not falling for anything he says.
SPANKY: And you, gay guy! Touching a woman? That isn't like you at all!
STAN[to Xandir]: Xandir, don't listen to him! He wants you to quit, so don't do it! You don't want him to win! Do you know what will happen to all of us if he wins immunity?
XANDIR: You're right... I don't want to picture that! I'm not giving up!
SPANKY: Fine, suit yourself. It's just what I say... you hang around a pussy, and you eventually become one.
FOXXY: But Spanky, YOU touchin' a pussy, right?
SPANKY[pissed off]: You heard me!!!
FOXXY[sarcastically]: Mm-hmm.
* * *
[One hour thirty minutes has passed in the challenge. Stan, Spanky, and Xandir are still touching Mune-Mune. In a moment, one of them will still be touching Mune-Mune because his hand is glued to her vagina.]
SPANKY(CC): At this point, I was really starting to get sort of uncomfortable, with my hand stuck to Mune-Mune's vagina for over an hour. But then I told myself in my head, "It's only a vagina, and you've touched plenty of them before, so you can keep holding on to prevent this little boy from winning immunity and voting you off..." I only hope he don't find out my hand is glued to it, otherwise I'll be sh***ing bricks. Just like in my latest bukkake flick!
WAITOHOORU: Well, I see that it's now one hour and thirty minutes since you began. You three have definitely made it this far!
XANDIR: You could say it's a heroic accomplishment!
WAITOHOORU: But that might change for some of you...
[Waitohooru goes back inside the house again.]
STAN: I think he's going to tempt us again. We shouldn't fall for it, right!
WAITOHOORU(OS): WHAT?!!!!
ARTIE(OS): Hey, we were hungry, okay?
WAITOHOORU(OS): B... but that food was supposed to be for tempting the contestants!
STAN: Oh my god...
[Stan listens to the conversation that is going on inside the Drawn Together house... all while still holding on to Mune-Mune's breast.]
DAVE(OS): Well, considering our jobs at the AA, we don't get much to eat. So... we HAD to eat it all!
WAITOHOORU(OS): Don't you idiots know we have a limited budget here? I... guess I'll have to tell the contestants the bad news then.
ARTIE(OS): Fine with us. At least we got our sugar rush for the day!
STAN(CC): Waitohooru was going to give us some more food to tempt us, but two people from the Animation Alliance ate it all. Now that you mention it, I have been a bit wary of them ever since the Shougai incident... but it's not like I wanted to be tempted anyway.
DAVE(CC): Stan actually believes we ate some food for the challenge? What a maroon!
ARTIE(CC): Yeah, there were only two such plates of food in the script, and Stan saw both of them!
WAITOHOORU(CC): Stan is such a sap! I guess Dave and Artie really are good at acting, like the Drawn Together cast is! So after we film this episode, I'm going to go out to dinner with them. But... not in THAT way, for all those sick-minded people who actually believe that...
[Waitohooru emerges from the house to tell Spanky, Stan, and Xandir what happened.]
WAITOHOORU: I'm afraid there's not going to be any more food to tempt you with. Which is a shame, considering our next temptation was going to be some delicious ice cream.
SPANKY: Well, it's not TOO bad. I can make my own!
[Spanky's eyes shift, and a sinister smile covers his face.]
STAN: Sick, dude! I don't want to picture that!
[Apparently Stan isn't the only one feeling uncomfortable at this point...]
XANDIR: Okay, that's it. I totally give up. I don't feel comfortable around Spanky at this point.
[Xandir is the next to let go of Mune-Mune, leaving only Spanky Ham and Stan Marsh in the running for the Immunity Robe.]
SPANKY: Suit yourself!
WAITOHOORU: And with that, Xandir gives up like that. Which leaves only Stan and Spanky... both of you really have made it to this point! You should be commended!
STAN: Um, I don't really know if you should be saying that to Spanky...
SPANKY: Oh, yes, he should!
WAITOHOORU: And with that, we wait some more to find out who gets to let go first.
[So, we wait and wait and wait...]
* * *
[...and wait and wait and wait, until the two-hour mark. Stan is still reluctant to step down from his cause... while Spanky, showing off some mad acting skillz, is showing uncomfortability (which is no surprise when one of your hands is glued to a woman's vagina).]
WAITOHOORU: Well, it's two hours now. Anyone want to give up now and call it a day?
STAN: No way, dude! I'm not going to let this douchebag win immunity!
SPANKY[sotto]: Watch who you call a douchebag, boy...
SPANKY(CC): So, Stan really thinks I'm a douchebag. But just because I'm bad doesn't mean I'm a bad actor. I can see that he never gave up through those two damn hours, so I might as well pull out the big guns.
[At this point in the challenge, Spanky unzips his pants (with the hand currently not glued to Mune-Mune's vagina.]
STAN: Y... you wouldn't!
SPANKY: It's a hot day, young boy, so you must be thirsty. Want a drink?
[Spanky does the unthinkable... you guessed it, he pees all over Stan's body. I take it back about it being unthinkable, as by now everyone pretty much thought he would do that.]
STAN: What the f***?
[Stan tries to brush some of Spanky's urine off his clothes, and in doing so, he lets go of Mune-Mune's breast in the process.]
WAITOHOORU: And like that, Stan has let go of Mune-Mune! Spanky Ham is the winner!
STAN: WHAT?!?!!
STAN(CC): I can't believe it... I can't f***ing believe it. When Spanky peed on me, I got distracted for a bit, and let go of Mune-Mune. That son of a bitch cost me immunity. I hate him... I really do.
WAITOHOORU: Congratulations, Spanky Ham! You have won the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe! You can take your hand off Mune-Mune now!
SPANKY: Aw, do I have to?
[Waitohooru, impatient, towers over Spanky.]
WAITOHOORU: Yes!
SPANKY: Well, screw you, I'm going to keep my hand on her vagina for a long time, then!
WAITOHOORU: All right, that does it!
[Waitohooru scrambles in a frantic attempt to remove Spanky's hand from Mune-Mune's vagina (that is, to remove the glue that is keeping Spanky's hand stuck to her vagina). Fortunately, there is a cloud of cartoon smoke set up to obscure the action, preventing Stan from finding out what is actually happening. Eventually, Spanky's hand no longer has any glue on it.]
SPANKY: Crap!
WAITOHOORU: Now, as I was saying, Spanky, you have won the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe!
[Waitohooru takes off the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe and places it around Spanky's body. Taking it off also reveals the T-shirt that Waitohooru is wearing under the robe.]
FOXXY: Uh... Waitohooru... why does yo' T-shirt say "Cartoon Survivor 5"?
WAITOHOORU[defensive]: Er... uh... you didn't see that!
[Waitohooru hides "Cartoon Survivor 5" with both of his arms.]
STAN(CC): And Spanky now has the Immunity Robe... the Pimp Robe as I like to call it. But, I don't think he earned it after what he did to me... I think I should have earned it. But then again, he did what he had to do to earn it, even if it was sick and disgusting...
[Spanky, wearing the Immunity Robe, jumps up and down like a spastic monkey in a blender, on a rollercoaster, in an earthquake. Well, I'd like to see YOU come up with a better metaphor!]
SPANKY: You're not voting ME off, bitches! I'm here to stay another day!
WAITOHOORU: Yeah, and Spanky's immunity means that the other eight of you are now targets for eviction tonight. Also, Ling-Ling, since you were the first to let go of Mune-Mune, did you remember where your things were? Because you're going to be moving into the laundry room for the rest of your stay.
LING-LING: (YES! ...I mean, yes, Waitohooru-san.)
WAITOHOORU: Well, I'd like to thank all nine of you for participating in this challenge, and I'd also like to thank Mune-Mune for stopping by!
MUNE-MUNE: You're welcome, and remember, everyone, you can't spell the word "entertainment" without T and A!
[Mune-Mune winks at Waitohooru and the nine contestants.]
[Suddenly, Captain Hero places both of his index fingers on his forehead.]
FOXXY[to Captain Hero]: What the heck you doin', boy?
CAPTAIN HERO: Oh, I was just trying to use my superpowers to see if I can remember that lady's phone number...
FOXXY: Mm-hmm. Sho' you were.
[Just as soon as Mune-Mune leaves, Spanky and Captain Hero immediately grab onto her legs.]
MUNE-MUNE[sotto]: What the hell...
CAPTAIN HERO: Oh, please don't leave us, nice lady! We'd really like to have you around!
SPANKY: Yeah, we could use another pair of breasts... I mean, another pair of HANDS, around here!
[Just then, an obligatory plus-sign-shaped vein sprouts in Mune-Mune's forehead.]
MUNE-MUNE: Oh, you want another pair of hands, do you?
[Mune-Mune raises both of her hands, and slaps Captain Hero with her left hand, while slapping Spanky with her right.]
MUNE-MUNE: You boys haven't been watching enough anime, because if you did, you would have known that in anime, women of all shapes, sizes, ages and races can kick your ass in at least ten different directions.
[A logo with the words "What You Now Know" appear on the screen, accompanied by similar-sounding music which you should be familiar with if you watched episode 4 of Drawn Together (or episode 5, or both).]
MUNE-MUNE: Okay, bye, everyone!
[The other seven contestants (not counting Spanky and Captain Hero, since both of them are unconscious) wave bye-bye to Mune-Mune.]
ALL: Bye!
STAN[to Mune-Mune]: I'll watch your series on DVD, I promise!
MUNE-MUNE: Good little boy!
* * *
[After the challenge, we find Stan just coming out of the bathroom. He is being accosted by Ling-Ling once again.]
STAN: Hey.
LING-LING: (Child of destiny, Ling-Ling has summoned you! It is serious crisis, one of epic, gargantuan, movie-like proportion!)
STAN: Yeah, I was wondering... why WERE you the first to let go of Mune-Mune? I really thought you'd last the longest!
LING-LING: (Hello? Ling-Ling let go because Ling-Ling want own room! Allow Ling-Ling to show you!)
[Ling-Ling grabs onto Stan's arm and runs toward the Green Room, where Foxxy Love currently is. Ling-Ling also points at the Green Room.]
STAN: Yeah, Ling-Ling, that's your OLD room. And you're going to move into the laundry room, I know that!
LING-LING: (Stan... Ling-Ling want you to extinguish the succubus with dark skin from that room, so Ling-Ling can retrieve prized possession from there... possession so important to Ling-Ling.)
STAN: Now that you mention it, I don't know what Foxxy is doing in there either... I'll go ask her.
[Stan enters the Green Room to talk to Foxxy.]
LING-LING[smiling, rubbing his hands together]: (Excellatious!)
* * *
[Cut to the Green Room, where Foxxy still is, and which Stan has now entered. Foxxy is opening a jewelry box, taking out a pearl necklace that is inside, and trying it on.]
STAN(CC): When I went to the Green Room, I saw Foxxy in there, and she appeared to be putting on Clara's jewelry. I guess she must really like it that much... she must really want to win this game then, because if she does win, she can buy some of her own!
FOXXY: The princess sho' has some fly jewelry! Foxxy wonder how much she can get sellin' this on eBay...
STAN: Hi, Foxxy.
[Foxxy is surprised on hearing Stan, and turns to face him.]
FOXXY: Whoa, chile! Don't sneak up on a sistah like that! You nearly done give Foxxy a heart attack!
STAN: Yeah... anyway, Foxxy, Ling-Ling wanted me to ask you about something.
FOXXY: Ling-Ling, huh?
STAN: Yeah, I think wants to get his things so he can move into the laundry room. But I don't know why he can't get them now. Maybe it's because... you're in it?
FOXXY: Boy... let me tell you somethin'...
[Foxxy places a hand on Stan's shoulder.]
FOXXY: Ever since yesterday, Foxxy been a bit suspicious of Ling-Ling.
STAN: You're suspicious of him too? I mean, it was a bit odd for him to suddenly be the first one to let go of Mune-Mune.
FOXXY: Yeah, I thought fo' sho' he'd outlast Foxxy! He didn't!
STAN: And last night, he was arguing with Xandir. Call me crazy, but I think he really wants his own room. Why is that?
FOXXY: Mm... Foxxy think it's because he just want his own privacy.
STAN: But that is a bit weird... you're one of his roommates, and so is Clara. Two girls! He would have to be insane not to room with you two!
FOXXY: Mebbe Ling-Ling hasn't seen enough of Foxxy... that gotta be it! Mebbe Foxxy should strip fo' Ling-Ling tonight, he gotta love that!
STAN: Whoa... maybe I shouldn't have told you about that...
FOXXY: Seriously, Stan, Foxxy will get to the bottom of this. After all...
[Foxxy pulls out her trusty magnifying glass (it was pulled out from between her breasts, so it might be best not to ask).]
FOXXY: ...this sound like a mystery, and Foxxy Love's a mystery-solvin' musician!
[Foxxy uses the magnifying glass to search for clues that Ling-Ling may have left behind (after all, Ling-Ling was assigned this room too). And Foxxy does find a clue under Clara's jewelry box... and it just happens to be Ling-Ling's creature comfort item --- his sketchbook.]
* * *
[Black-and-white flashback shot of Ling-Ling showing the contestants his sketchbook for show-and-tell.]
LING-LING: (Okay, this sketchpad is creature comfort item... much better than pathetic items you all have, of course.)
[Ling-Ling flips some pages, and shows everyone some VERY COOL sketches of various items, people, and places he drew.]
LING-LING: (You can all watch and witness Ling-Ling's exquisite sketchings, and of course, you will never emulate them successfully, because you will all be dead before then.)
* * *
[Cut back to Stan and Foxxy in the Green Room.]
STAN: Whoa, how did you know that was hidden there?
FOXXY: Oh, they don't call Foxxy a mystery-solvin' musician fo' nothin', chile!
STAN: But why would he hide it under there? I mean, it's his sketchbook... maybe he didn't want us to look at some of his drawings or something?
FOXXY: Hmm... you know what... we gone find out!
[Foxxy opens the sketchbook, and flips through several pages in the sketchbook. Stan looks at them as well.]
STAN: Yep, that's the one of the contestants from Anime Mole...
[Foxxy flips to the drawing of all nine contestants.]
FOXXY: And that's the one of all nine of us...
[And when Foxxy flips to the next page... she is stunned.]
FOXXY: Oh no he didn't...
[The next page in the sketchbook happens to be... a drawing of Ling-Ling, holding up a blood-stained knife, and grinning evilly at the corpses of eight people he killed in battle. And the unlucky corpses happen to belong to...]
[...the other eight contestants.]
STAN[horrified]: Son of a bitch...
STAN(CC): I just looked at Ling-Ling's sketchbook, and I saw some drawing in there that scared the crap out of me. It was of him killing the other eight of us, including me... and I hope this doesn't mean he plans on killing all of us just so he could be the only one left!
STAN: This... has got to be a joke, right?
FOXXY: Ooh, Foxxy sure hope so...
[Foxxy turns to another page, which has some writing by Ling-Ling in it... mostly Japanese, but there is some English in there... including a list with some abbreviations and some words next to them:
CH - MORON
CL - IMPOSTOR
F - WHOLE
LL - WINNER!!
SP - DEMON (my first target)
ST - SERVANT
T - BITCH
W - ???
X - NEMESIS
There are also some really grotesque caricatures that Ling-Ling drew of the other eight contestants, which are hideously deformed and are guaranteed to traumatize Stan.]
STAN(CC): Ling-Ling also wrote some notes about each and every one of us... and he drew some really freaky-ass drawings of each of us as well... they were very nasty, but maybe that's what he apparently sees us as. That is so immature of him. What IS this, the second grade?
STAN: No wonder he wanted his own room...
FOXXY: Yeah...
STAN: ...yeah, so he could have a room all to himself, so he could plot behind our backs.
[Foxxy points at the letters and words, which could be referring to all the contestants in the Drawn Together house.]
FOXXY: Wonder what all those words and letters mean.
STAN: Maybe those letters... are our initials. Let's see... I'm ST... 'servant'? Maybe that's why he tried to form an alliance with me, so I could be his servant...
FOXXY: And CH could be Captain Hero... CL is Clara. Why he say Clara's an impostor? And F... that stand fo' Foxxy... why would he say I'm whole? Does he mean that I be whole, as in whole lotta woman?
STAN: Well, he's from Japan, so maybe he meant to write another word... you know how the Japanese get their L's and R's mixed up.
[Foxxy's eyes open in shock.]
FOXXY: So that mean...
STAN: Maybe he meant to write the word "whore"?
FOXXY: Say WHAT?!
STAN: You know, he probably thought you were a... a... a you-know-what.
FOXXY: Well, I tell you what, boy... Foxxy Love may be a whole lotta woman... but she ain't no ho! We votin' Ling-Ling off tonight.
STAN: Really...?
STAN(CC): Foxxy said she wanted to vote Ling-Ling off tonight... and she wanted me to vote him off too. Yeah, I know he wrote some things in that sketchbook that kind of upset her... but he did form an alliance with me. I don't know... what would Brian Boitano do?
[At this point, Clara enters the Green Room.]
FOXXY: Oh, hey, princess.
[Clara notices the pearl necklace around Foxxy's neck.]
CLARA: Why, Foxxy, whatever are you doing wearing my necklace?
FOXXY: Oh, jes' thought I'd try it out, hon.
CLARA: Silly black girl! If you want one that badly, then maybe you can make one yourself! I mean, don't your people do that?
FOXXY: 'Nuff, girlfriend. I gots somethin' ta show ya... but I warn ya... it ain't fo' the faint of heart!
[Foxxy shows Ling-Ling's drawings to Clara.]
CLARA: Oh my god... I trusted Ling-Ling!
FOXXY: See, he done draw these drawin's of y'all, and lawd, they sho' ain't pretty. And see this writin'? I think he be callin' you an impostor or somethin'.
CLARA: An impostor?
FOXXY: Mebbe 'cuz he thinkin' you ain't no princess.
STAN: Yeah, and he thinks Foxxy's a whore, and I'm his servant.
CLARA: That's it! From now on, I'm never trusting the Japanese ever again! Not like they could be trusted anyway...
[All of you anime characters out there, you didn't hear that...]
[Suddenly, Foxxy notices Wooldoor and Captain Hero in the hallway. She approaches them.]
FOXXY: You boys... get yo' asses over here! I'ma show y'all somethin'.
CAPTAIN HERO: You're going to take your top off? Cool! ...Um, no wait, you can't do that, don't you know there's a little boy present? Why don't you ask HIM to take his top off instead...
STAN: What?!
FOXXY: No, it be worse than that.
[Foxxy shows Captain Hero and Wooldoor Ling-Ling's drawings.]
WOOLDOOR: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Not that!!!!! Anything but that!!!!!!
[When Wooldoor sees them, his eyes expand, and pop out of his sockets, and fall on the floor.]
FOXXY: See... I told y'all it be worse than that!
[Wooldoor crawls around on the floor, searching for the eyes that popped out. He eventually finds them and puts them back in.]
WOOLDOOR: Whoa... thanks for reminding me, Foxxy!
CAPTAIN HERO: Aaand what's wrong with the drawings, Foxxy?
FOXXY: They slander, yo!
[Foxxy points at Ling-Ling's sketch of Captain Hero.]
FOXXY: For instance, Captain Hero, he drew you as a steroid abuser!
CAPTAIN HERO: Wh... why, that is a super no-no! I should contact Harvey Birdman! [smiles, rubs his nipples] That guy gives the best shiatsu massages!
[Next, Foxxy points at Ling-Ling's drawing of Wooldoor.]
FOXXY: And Wooldoor, he drew you as someone who be takin' a lotta pills!
WOOLDOOR: I take pills? Really? I thought those were candy... [angry] ...he lied to me! I want my five bucks back!
[Now Foxxy points at a drawing Ling-Ling did of Toot.]
FOXXY: And that ain't all, folks! He drew a picture of Toot with a penis!
STAN: Sick!
WOOLDOOR: Gross! Why doesn't he just use a pencil?
[Silence.]
FOXXY: Anyway, Foxxy thinkin' of votin' him off. Y'all down with that?
CLARA: Please, for the love of God, I ask of you to take the black woman's side! After all, we don't know what the Japanese are going to do to the economy!
WOOLDOOR: Uh... I guess I'm in.
CAPTAIN HERO: Sure, I'm in too. A true superhero never sides with the enemy!
[Speaking of the devil, Spanky walks over to Captain Hero.]
SPANKY[to Captain Hero]: Hey, C.H.!
CAPTAIN HERO[to Spanky]: Hey.
SPANKY: So, who're we gettin' rid of tonight?
CAPTAIN HERO: I've got it! We're voting off Ling-Ling, because these fine young women don't want him around!
SPANKY: Ah, good choice, my man! The Asiaman won't know what hit him!
CAPTAIN HERO: Amen to THAT!
[Spanky leaves.]
STAN(CC): It seems everyone wants to get rid of Ling-Ling just because of what he drew in the sketchbook. I mean, dude, it's just a sketchbook. They're just drawings. They don't really hurt anybody.
* * *
[At this point, Stan goes over to the kitchen. Toot is also there, preparing a little snack for herself... which is a massive sandwich composed of thirteen slices of bread, seven slices of cheese, eight tomatoes, twelve leaves of lettuce, and perhaps a partridge in a pear tree. That IS a little snack... little for HER, anyway. She is about to cram the whole thing into her mouth, when she sees Stan approach her.]
TOOT: Oh, hi, Stan.
STAN: Hey, Toot. So, why are you here?
TOOT: Hello? I'm eating! Speaking of...
[Toot opens the refrigerator, and eats some more food inside.]
STAN: Christ, how much more can you eat, dude?
TOOT: As much as it takes to get him to notice me!
STAN: Oookay... who's "him", exactly?
TOOT: Why, you know... the host!
STAN: You mean Waitohooru?
TOOT: Yeah, I want him to notice me!
STAN: Uh, I think he DOES notice you... and all of us, since he does that whenever he shows up.
TOOT: Yeah, but... I want him to notice... ME. Are you getting all this?
STAN: And... why do you want him to notice you again?
TOOT: Well, none of the other boys want to pay attention to me... Spanky was busy flaunting that "precious" Immunity Robe of his... hyeah, only precious because he just won it! And Captain Hero has his hands full with those other two girls, hope those sluts burn in hell... Xandir, of course, told me he had to do his hair, which is no surprise considering he spends hours in the bathroom, and I had to go so bad, and because he was in there, I had to take a dump in the potted plant... and it was the same potted plant that Spanky already took a dump in!
[Stan becomes really uncomfortable upon hearing this.]
STAN: Ugh... you didn't need to tell me that...
TOOT: Hell yeah, I do! Now where was I? Oh, yeah... Wooldoor also has no room for me, but then he has no room for anyone [condescending voice] in that little fantasy world of his in the fluffy white clouds, [normal voice] and Ling-Ling wastes time fighting and battling that he should be spending getting laid! And because of all of this, I have the feeling you'll probably break my heart too, just like they have...
STAN: W... what do you mean?
TOOT: You're the type that'll walk all over me like I'm a doormat! Do I look like I have the word "WELCOME" written on me? Well, actually, I do, but that's not what I meant by that, okay?!
[Toot cries her eyes out, and Stan totally freaks out.]
STAN: Holy sh**!
[Stan suddenly realizes... that Toot could be serious, which is as serious as it gets in a scripted show like this.]
STAN: Uh... if it makes you feel any better, you're not going to be voted off tonight.
[Toot stops crying.]
TOOT: What... I'm not?
STAN: Yeah, everyone's thinking about voting off Ling-Ling. ...Were you really worried it was going to be you?
TOOT: Yeah, I thought it would be me. Then again, I still think it might be me...
[Stan puts a hand on Toot's shoulder. Yeah, you heard me.]
STAN: I... I'm not going to vote you off.
[Toot forms a smile when she hears those words.]
TOOT: You'd do that... for me?
STAN: Yeah, but it's only because I don't know who I want to vote off yet. The only one I want to vote off has immunity.
TOOT: But, it might still be me.
STAN: Well... not now. I know how desperate you are... then again, some people I know are like that.
TOOT: And tell me I'm pretty!
STAN: Well...
TOOT[pissed off]: Tell me I'm pretty, dammit!
STAN: Uh... you're pretty?
[Toot smiles again.]
TOOT: A man just told me I'm pretty! I'm on a roll!
STAN: Okaaaay.
[Toot goes into flirtatious mode.]
TOOT: You know what, Stan? I really think... you're kind of cute.
[And Stan goes into stunned-beyond-belief mode.]
STAN: R... really? Y... you really feel that way about me?
TOOT: That's right. No one has ever stood up for me like you have.
STAN(CC): You know what? I think Toot has a crush on me. But then, I think she's been trying to have crushes with all of the guys here... at least, until she found one she wanted. I guess she did... so I'm happy for her.
TOOT(CC): I sort of went a tad out of character when Stan stood up for me. I only hope the AA doesn't cut my tenure for something like this... but as long as that dreamboat's going to be here for the duration of the series, who cares?
STAN: I guess... if you really see it like that.
TOOT: Oh, I'll remember this for the rest of my life, big boy! Now, what was it you wanted to ask me?
STAN: Well... I was wondering... Toot... do you...
TOOT: Yeeeeeeees?
[Toot blinks her eyes repeatedly at a rapid rate of 60 frames per second... for 100 frames.]
STAN: Do you... have a penis?
[Silence.]
TOOT[pissed off]: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?!
STAN: Well, there was this drawing Ling-Ling did of you, and he drew a picture of you with a penis.
TOOT: Oh, I think he meant this?
[Toot lifts up her skirt, and Stan notices some bumps in her underwear. Stan is shivering with fright.]
STAN: Christ!
[Toot reaches into her panties, and pulls two apples and a banana out, and then eats them.]
TOOT: You know, I wonder how he was able to find my hidden food stash so quickly. Well, I'm going to vote him off tonight, and tomorrow, I guarantee you, NO ONE will find my stash!
[Stan becomes a bit repulsed watching Toot eat the food she pulled out from her underwear.]
STAN: And I guarantee you, I don't WANT to know where it'll be...
[Stan wisely chooses to leave the kitchen, leaving Toot to her food consumption.]
* * *
[As Stan leaves, he decides to clean some of the clothes Spanky has peed on, so he goes to the laundry room, and he notices Ling-Ling unpacking his things there. Ling-Ling is also rearranging the items in the laundry room to his liking (I guess we'll never understand Asian cartoon characters).]
STAN: Oh, hi, Ling-Ling. Is it okay if I throw some of my laundry in here, because Spanky ---
LING-LING[interrupting]: (What you doing here? Ling-Ling finally have solitude, and you ruin it!)
STAN: Um... I hate to tell you this, Ling-Ling, but a lot of people in this house are thinking of voting you out tonight.
[Ling-Ling's jaw drops and hits the floor with a THUD.]
STAN: Yeah, they saw your sketchbook which you left behind, and they didn't like what you wrote about them.
[Ling-Ling starts crying waterfall tears. Stan's parents shouldn't take him to Niagara Falls, because Stan just saw it.]
LING-LING: (But... but Ling-Ling pour heart and soul and internal organs into pictures... Ling-Ling only draw them as Ling-Ling see them... and Ling-Ling see them as Ling-Ling hear them, and taste them...)
[Ling-Ling starts sprouting multiple anime veins in his forehead.]
LING-LING: (And this... THIS is gratitude Ling-Ling gets?! Those infidels shall pay for actions they have committed!)
[Ling-Ling raises his hands, and summons a fireball, which burns one of the Turkish towels to a crisp.]
STAN: Jesus!
[Stan decides to get the hell out of dodge, or rather, out of the laundry room, as Ling-Ling continues venting its anger.]
STAN(CC): I guess they were right about Ling-Ling... he's a psycho. But I'm still not convinced I should vote him off yet...
LING-LING(CC): (Stan STILL no get it! Well, since he is American boy, Ling-Ling doubt Stan will ever get. But that the idea. Ling-Ling such a good actor, then! And even more good news, Ling-Ling find out fans on Internet choose Ling-Ling as favorite Drawn Together cast member. Maybe America not so bad after all...)
* * *
[Cut to dinner time. The nine contestants are in the dining room, eating as fast as they can, because they know it will be the last dinner for one of them here.]
[Suddenly, one of the contestants decides to make an announcement...]
XANDIR: Hey, everyone! I've totally decided to make an announcement!
[Didn't I just say that? Anyway, Xandir's announcement causes everyone to drop what they're eating and stare at him.]
FOXXY: Spill it, Xandy!
XANDIR: I just want to totally thank each and every one of you for being so nice to me today! And tonight, I have something I want to give one of you, and you're really going to like it! I swear!
[Everyone claps for Xandir.]
SPANKY: Hey, I swear too! Hell, everyone does that, am I right?
[But... not everyone claps for Spanky.]
SPANKY[under his breath]: Sh**! [smiling] See, I just did it again!
STAN: Uh, how... good for you.
XANDIR: Anyway, to determine who gets the fabulous prize I have to offer, I thought it would be time for all of us to play a little game! And where I come from, it's called a "mini-game"! You've heard of it, right?
STAN: Well... yeah, I've played video games, so I've heard of it.
CAPTAIN HERO: Yeah, me too!
WOOLDOOR: Me three!
XANDIR: Good! Now, everyone, follow me!
* * *
[Xandir leads everyone to the courtyard of the Drawn Together house.]
FOXXY: Uh, this be the backyard, Xandir. Whatchoo gots to show us?
XANDIR: Stand back, everyone!
[The other eight contestants step aside, while Xandir pulls out his sword and raises it in the air, while he recites another incantation.]
XANDIR: Detarre... Vosirev... LUPMADA!
CAPTAIN HERO: I'll take Homosexual Incantations for $500, Alex!
[Captain Hero and Spanky giggle.]
[Suddenly, the force of Xandir's incantation makes a series of platforms appear out of nowhere. Yeah, you know, the type of platforms you might find in video games. You know, because Xandir is from a video game and all? Okay, so he's from a video game none of you actually played, but still. At the top of all this is some glowing rainbow-colored crystal thingy, which we can assume is important.]
XANDIR: Okay, so you see these platforms? You're supposed to, like, jump on them, or climb on them, whichever method you prefer, I don't care, just do what you want! At the top, I've placed a valuable treasure that I found this other day, from a treasure chest I got from defeating this two-headed vulture. Believe me, with two giant beaks, that guy couldn't shut up.
SPANKY: So... the first one to reach the top first gets to keep it? Is that the prize?
FOXXY: Ooh, Foxxy hope it is! She can't wait to get her hands all over it!
CLARA: I'd like to win it too... because I'm worried the black woman might wear it as jewelry if she gets it first.
[Foxxy scowls, and crosses her arms.]
XANDIR: Uh, I think you've misunderstood. The Crystal of Iris is NOT what I'm going to give the winner! Hello? But I am going to give the winner something, but I'm not telling you what that is, because for now, it's a secret!
STAN: So, if one of us wins, we find out what it is?
TOOT: A-duuuuhhhh! Why else, genius?
XANDIR: Okay... now all eight of you may begin when I say you can begin. Aaaand... you can begin!
WOOLDOOR: Wheeee!
[The eight contestants other than Xandir make a mad dash up the maze of platforms.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Hey, I can get to the top by flying! This is a piece of cake!
[Captain Hero tries flying to the top, but Ling-Ling, who is standing on one platform, uses some freaky power of his to pull Captain Hero away.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Ling-Ling... what are you doing? And how did you know my super weakness, anyway?
LING-LING: (Ling-Ling not telling, unless you let Ling-Ling win!)
CAPTAIN HERO: Never!
[Meanwhile on another platform, Wooldoor is having trouble getting to the top, as Spanky is pinning him down.]
WOOLDOOR: Please, get off of me! I can't get to the top with you on me!
SPANKY: Exactly.
[Spanky gives Wooldoor an evil grin, causing him to freak out.]
WOOLDOOR[shouting]: SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!
[And on yet another platform, there is a three-way catfight between Clara, Foxxy, and Toot. Well, duh, when does a catfight involve any men?]
FOXXY[to Toot]: What the hell you doin', bitch? Is you crazy?
TOOT: Well, I *would* be at the top by now if a certain princess didn't step on my foot!
CLARA: Oh, I'm so sorry, Toot!
[Clara steps off of Toot's foot.]
CLARA: I really wish you weren't so obese... otherwise I wouldn't have done that!
[Toot growls at Clara's offensive remark.]
[By the way, did you notice that in the three encounters I mentioned, seven toons were involved --- Captain Hero, Ling-Ling, Spanky, Wooldoor, Foxxy, Toot, and Clara. The only toon other than Xandir who wasn't involved in any of those encounters...]
STAN: Ah, here it is!
[...is Stan, who reaches the top platform first, and picks up the Crystal of Isis. Man, this challenge summary is short, just like JusSonic's challenge summaries. But then again, this is not one of the ten "official" challenges.]
SPANKY: How the hell did that kid get up there?
TOOT(CC): So I was fighting those other two girls, and the guys were fighting each other, which meant that Stan was free to get the crystal first... and of course this was a setup to ensure he would get there first. We all let him win... but you didn't hear it from me!
STAN(CC): Somehow getting the crystal was a hell of a lot easier than I thought it would be. Everyone was too busy fighting each other... I guess they let their competitive spirit get the better of them, huh?
[Stan jumps down the platforms, and gives the Crystal of Isis to Xandir.]
XANDIR: Okay, everybody, as you just found out, Stan got to the top first, and retrieved the crystal! Which means he gets my prize! Group applause!
[All the contestants clap for Stan.]
STAN: Kick ass!
XANDIR: And now, Stan, the prize I'm going to give you is...
[Stan is really excited.]
XANDIR: ...the Master Bedroom!
[Stan is surprised.]
STAN(CC): Xandir told me that the prize he wanted to give me was the Master Bedroom. I was surprised. He had it made in that room! Why did he want to give it to me?
STAN: Th... the Master Bedroom? Really?
XANDIR: Yeah, because last night, when I slept in it, I realized how lonely I was, so I gave it up because I totally wanted to sleep in a room that had other people in it! I feel much safer in a group... after all, safety in numbers, just like in an RPG! So tonight, I'm going to sleep in the Red Room with Spanky and Wooldoor... is that okay?
SPANKY: Eh, why not.
WOOLDOOR: Sure you can stay! I need another roommate to play with!
XANDIR: Fabulous!
XANDIR(CC): The whole plot where I give the Master Bedroom to Stan is another setup to make sure he gets to sleep in it tonight. After the harrowing ordeals that poor little boy went through yesterday and today, I think he deserves the comforts of that room, don't you? And of course, I'm still not going to sleep with him. I'm gay, but I'm not THAT gay.
* * *
[Cut to the Blue Room, where Stan is packing his stuff, because to quote The Jeffersons, he's movin' on up.]
CAPTAIN HERO: You... you're leaving us?
STAN: That's right.
TOOT: Oh, I'm really going to miss you!
[Toot gives Stan a really huge bear hug.]
CAPTAIN HERO: And I'm going to miss you too!
[Captain Hero gives Stan another huge hug, putting Stan in a "Hero sandwich". *rimshot*]
[Stan then wriggles his way out of Toot's and Captain Hero's arms. Boy needs to breathe.]
STAN: Don't worry, I'll see you again... as long as neither of you get voted off tonight.
CAPTAIN HERO: Oh, they're not voting me off! I'm a well-respected superhero!
TOOT: And they're not voting ME off... because... well, because they're not voting me off, okay?
STAN: Uh... okay.
[Stan closes his suitcase, and picks it up and leaves the Blue Room.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Bye, Stan!
TOOT: Hope the three of us are still here tomorrow!
STAN: Uh, sure, whatever.
* * *
[Stan picks up his suitcase, and climbs the stairs, and enters the Master Bedroom, which is his now. He places the suitcase on the bed, opens it, and unpacks his things.]
WAITOHOORU(VO): Since Stan now has a room of his own, it becomes much more easier for the Animation Alliance to keep track of him.
STAN(CC): So I moved into the Master Bedroom, and Xandir was right... it WAS really cool.
[Shot of Stan playing a Chinpokomon game on the Okama Gamesphere in the room (he didn't play over Xandir's save file, by the way).]
STAN(CC): And I was playing this Chinpokomon game which... I haven't played before and I think had recently come out, and I think Xandir had played. It was one of those RPGs...
[Shot of Stan getting a GAME OVER screen... with an evil Chinpokomon appearing and giving Stan a bit of a seizure.]
STAN(CC): I didn't get very far in my first play through, because one of those enemy Chinpokomon killed off my characters. Ling-Ling told me that he was a Chinpokomon...
[Flashback sequence of Stan being introduced to Ling-Ling.]
STAN: Dude, you look familiar... are you a Chinpokomon or what?
LING-LING[nodding]: (Why... yes, Ling-Ling is... Chinpokomon.)
STAN: Oh, you are? I've never seen you before.
LING-LING: (That's... because Ling-Ling from later season!)
[End flashback.]
STAN(CC): Yeah, I still know some people want to get rid of him, but maybe I *should* keep him around. He knows more about Chinpokomon than even *I* do... so maybe he can help me get through this.
[Stan thinks... "screw the game, I have this kickass room all to myself, so I'm going to try one of the other sweet features this room has to offer"... like the DVD player. He puts an "Asses of Fire" DVD in the DVD player (duh, what else would a DVD player be used for?), and is about to watch it when Wooldoor enters the room unexpectedly.]
WOOLDOOR: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
STAN: Whoa! Wooldoor... y... you surprised me!
WOOLDOOR: Whatcha watchin', huh? Huh huh huh huh HUH?
STAN: Um... I *was* going to watch this Terrance and Phillip DVD, but... you can watch whichever DVD you want.
[Stan takes the DVD out. He worries he might not be able to watch the DVD again, but he's going to be around much longer than he realizes. So yeah, he could still watch it.]
WOOLDOOR: Goody! I want to watch THAT one!
STAN: Ooookay... let's watch it together then.
[Stan puts the DVD back in. He must be tired by now.]
STAN(CC): I just took the Asses of Fire DVD out, and Wooldoor says he wants to watch it. You know what, I think he's just doing this to annoy the hell out of me...
[Stan turns the DVD player on. He sits down to watch "Asses of Fire". However, he has to put up with watching it with Wooldoor Sockbat, who just can't stay still.]
WOOLDOOR: Stan, who are those guys?
STAN: Dude, they're Terrance and Phillip!
WOOLDOOR: Oh.
[Silence.]
WOOLDOOR: Hey, Stan... which one is Terrance and which one is Phillip?
[Stan becomes annoyed.]
STAN: Dude! Terrance wears a shirt with the letter T on it, and Phillip wears a shirt with the letter P on it! That's how you tell them apart! Now, if you don't mind, I'm trying to watch this, okay?!
WOOLDOOR: Oh. Okay.
[Stan continues to watch "Asses of Fire", hoping he won't be interrupted again.]
WOOLDOOR: Hey, Stan...
[Too late, he's interrupted again. Stan becomes really pissed off now.]
STAN[to Wooldoor]: What? What is it?
WOOLDOOR: Oh... I forgot what I was going to say. Never mind.
STAN: Urrghh...
[More watching. Stan, in his mind, prays that he can watch this without any further interruption.]
WOOLDOOR: Stan?
[Stan really freaks out now. He literally jumps out of his chair.]
WOOLDOOR: I remembered what it was! I was going to ask... why aren't there little words that appear on the bottom of the screen, that tell you what show is coming up next?
STAN[pissed off beyond belief]: What?!
WOOLDOOR: And they're accompanied by these little animations of the characters on that show, where they move from one edge of the screen to the other?
STAN[rolling his eyes]: Oh for the love of God...
[Stan pulls out the remote control.]
STAN: You want words to appear on the bottom of the screen? Fine.
[Stan presses the SUBTITLE button on the remote, and captions appear.]
WOOLDOOR: Oooooh. *NOW* I see them!
STAN: Good. Now don't ask me again.
[Stan continues to watch "Asses of Fire" --- now with captions! But since "Asses of Fire" had such foul language in it (if you've watched the South Park movie, you obviously know that), there are swear words that appear in the captions.]
WOOLDOOR: Stan, what are THESE words?
STAN: Oh for Christ's sake, Wooldoor, they're swear words! Okay?! Now quit asking!
WOOLDOOR: My mom told me I'm not supposed to be seeing them, or hearing them.
STAN: Okay, that's it!
[Stan turns off the DVD player, and the TV.]
WOOLDOOR: Aw, that's mean!
STAN(CC): Wooldoor Sockbat has been a real pain in the ass when I was trying to watch the DVD. Well, now I know who I want to vote off. If the other housemates know how annoying he is, they'll probably vote him off too. It probably isn't going to be him tonight, but it should be, dammit.
* * *
[It's almost the end of the episode, and that means it's time for the first eviction ceremony. We start with a slow-motion shot of all nine characters walking down the hall, individually, to the basement of the Drawn Together house. It is dark and ominous, and features a burning fireplace, some gargoyle statues, some ornamental swords, and a long hallway at one end that contains a small table with a valuable vase on it at the other (which is the voting area). There is also a large table in the center of the room that contains nine animation cels - each one has a rare inking of each of the nine contestants on it.]
[Eventually, all nine contestants have entered the Room Of Doom. Spanky is wearing the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe.]
STAN(CC): The Drawn Together house has a room in the basement that is called the Room Of Doom. It is very creepy, and I think it looks like a room that I went to in the house that those goth children live in. It's supposed to be the room where each of us is going to vote off one of the other eight, and I'm worried. I'm worried that *I* might be the first one voted off.
[Close-up shot of Spanky wearing the Immunity Robe.]
STAN(CC): Since Spanky has the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe, I'm screwed, because I can't vote against him. So I hope that whoever I vote off gets voted off, so I can stay in the game longer, because I... I just don't want to go home yet.
[The nine contestants are greeted by Waitohooru, who comes down the stairs and takes his place in front of them.]
WAITOHOORU: Welcome, everyone, to the Room of Doom. This is the first of six eviction ceremonies that you will be participating in. Tonight, eight of you will survive this ceremony. However, one of you will be sent back to the drawing board.
[Shot of all nine contestants being nervous... or in the case of the Drawn Together cast, playing nervous.]
STAN: Damn, dude...
WAITOHOORU: You see the table in front of you?
[Waitohooru points to the table with the nine cels on it.]
WAITOHOORU: On this table are nine animation cels, representing the nine of you. As long as you remain in the game, your cel remains in mint condition. However, if you receive the most votes against you, your cel will be thrown into the fireplace and burned, deteriorating its value, and ending your chances of winning the $100,000. In a moment, each of you will go down that hallway, and write on a piece of paper the name of the housemate you want to vote out of this game, then, speak your peace. After you've voted, place the piece of paper in the vase, and then rejoin your other housemates. The only housemate you cannot vote off is Spanky, since he's wearing the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe.
[Spanky flaunts his Immunity Robe.]
SPANKY: Yeah, you can't get rid of ME, baby!
WAITOHOORU: But before we go through with this vote, I have a few questions to ask. Xandir, in our first challenge, you won the right to sleep in the Master Bedroom. Why did you give it to Stan?
XANDIR: Oh, I was really lonely last night, and I wanted to sleep with someone, so I gave the Master Bedroom to whoever won a little game I wanted my friends to play. And since Stan won that game, the Master Bedroom is his. Is that okay with you, Waitohooru?
WAITOHOORU: Okay, Xandir, I will allow this. Stan Marsh, for the remainder of your stay in the Drawn Together house, the Master Bedroom is officially yours. And Xandir, you now have to sleep in the Red Room with Spanky Ham and Wooldoor Sockbat.
STAN: Okay.
WAITOHOORU: Next question... Spanky, you are wearing the Pimped-Out Immunity Robe, and you cannot be voted off. How do you feel about your position in this game?
SPANKY: Well, it's not the missionary position, but it'll do.
[Silence.]
WAITOHOORU: Oooookay... now, eight people are targets for eviction. Is there anyone who feels vulnerable and thinks, "It could be ME going home tonight"?
TOOT: It could be me... then again it could not be me. But... you'll just have to see!
[Silence.]
WAITOHOORU: Okay then! It's time to vote. Once again, you cannot vote for Spanky. Spanky, since you won immunity, you get to vote first.
[Spanky walks down the hallway, casting his vote. The Drawn Together cast members already know who's going to be "voted off" in advance, so they can basically write whatever they want and say whatever they want.]
[Spanky writes "WWW.FANFICTION.NET" on a piece of paper.]
SPANKY: You can't censor me. You're goin' down.
[Spanky puts the "vote" in the vase, and rejoins the others.]
* * *
[Shot of Wooldoor voting. He writes "HI MOM" on his piece of paper.]
WOOLDOOR: I can write! Yay!
* * *
[Shot of Toot voting. She writes "ATKINS" on her piece of paper.]
TOOT: Don't tell ME what to do, asshole.
* * *
[Shot of Captain Hero voting. He writes "I WANT TO HAVE STAN'S BABY" on his piece of paper.]
CAPTAIN HERO: Such a fine young man! [cries]
* * *
[Shot of Clara voting. She writes "THE ARABS" on her piece of paper.]
CLARA: Um... do religions count?
* * *
[Shot of Ling-Ling voting. He writes something unintelligible on his piece of paper.]
LING-LING: (Ling-Ling would like to see someone translate THIS!)
* * *
[Shot of Xandir voting. He writes "SEPHIROTH" on his piece of paper.]
XANDIR: He's making us look bad. Plus his outfit gives me the creeps.
* * *
[Shot of Stan voting. He writes "WOOLDOOR" on his piece of paper. His vote is the one genuine vote in this ceremony.]
STAN: Wooldoor, you are annoying, and you freak me out. Get the hell out of here.
* * *
[Shot of Foxxy voting. She writes "THE KKK" on her piece of paper.]
FOXXY: Buh-bye!
* * *
*
*
*
[After Foxxy places her vote in the vase, she rejoins the other housemates.]
WAITOHOORU: I'll go tally the votes.
[Waitohooru walks down the hall and reads the votes in the vase. After he giggles to himself, he replaces the DT cast members' "votes" with eight pieces of paper with a "vote" already written in advance. Stan's vote against Wooldoor, however, remains in the vase. Waitohooru closes the vase, then takes the vase with him and stands in front of the nine contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: Once the votes are read, the decision is final. Whoever has the most votes against them has to leave the Drawn Together house immediately. Yeah, I know it's cliché, but it has to be done. I'll read the votes.
[Waitohooru takes a piece of paper out of the vase. It is Stan's vote against Wooldoor.]
WAITOHOORU: First vote... "WOOLDOOR".
[Wooldoor is very nervous.]
[Waitohooru takes a second piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: Second vote... "LING-LING".
[Ling-Ling sweatdrops... because that's what anime characters do when they are nervous. If you watched anime, you should know that.]
[Waitohooru takes a third piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: Third vote... wait...
[Waitohooru looks at the piece of paper closely.]
WAITOHOORU: ...who is this "SATAN"?
STAN: Um... I think that person meant me?
WAITOHOORU: Okay then... we have one vote against Stan, one vote against Ling-Ling, and one vote against Wooldoor.
[Waitohooru takes a fourth piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "LING-LING". That's two votes Ling-Ling, one vote Stan, one vote Wooldoor.
[Waitohooru takes a fifth piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "LING-LING". Three votes Ling-Ling, one vote Stan, and one vote Wooldoor. Four votes left.
[Waitohooru takes a sixth piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: "LING-LING". That's four votes against Ling-Ling. If one of the next three votes is against Ling-Ling, he will be the first housemate evicted. If the next three are all either against Stan or against Wooldoor, we will have a tie.
[Waitohooru takes a seventh piece of paper out of the vase.]
WAITOHOORU: The first housemate to be evicted from the Drawn Together house is...
[Waitohooru shows everyone the vote, which has "LING-LING (SPEAK ENGLISH)" written on it.]
WAITOHOORU: Ling-Ling. We don't need to read the other two votes, but...
[Waitohooru takes the other two votes out of the vase, and shows them to everyone.]
WAITOHOORU: ...both of them were against Ling-Ling, so it didn't matter.
[Ling-Ling is disappointed.]
WAITOHOORU: Ling-Ling, please take your animation cel, and address the group.
[Ling-Ling sighs, and takes the animation cel that has his image on it. He takes his place next to Waitohooru.]
SPANKY[shouting]: And speak English, dammit!
[Ling-Ling suddenly sprouts another anime vein in his forehead. Then, in what may be a rare moment, Ling-Ling actually addresses the group in English.]
LING-LING: So, you wanting me to be speaking English, eh? You all not understand Ling-Ling, and you want Ling-Ling to talk like you? Well, here something you understand no matter what the language!
[Ling-Ling raises his middle finger at the other eight houseguests. All eight of them are shocked beyond belief.]
LING-LING: You know what this is? Ling-Ling do. Ling-Ling see this Drawn Together house as den of eight fierce demons... demons from Hell... demons which no one can defeat, not even Ling-Ling! So Ling-Ling hope that one day, when leave this house, you will being exposed to outside world, and exorcised, so that your evil does never contaminate society as much as it has poison my life!
[Ling-Ling breaks down in tears.]
LING-LING: Ling-Ling... pray for that to happen, so that become stronger and healthier Ling-Ling, and...
[Ling-Ling cries on Waitohooru's shoulder.]
WAITOHOORU: It's okay, Ling-Ling. We understand.
WOOLDOOR: We do?
[Waitohooru wipes Ling-Ling's tears away. While he is doing that, he takes Ling-Ling's cel from him.]
WAITOHOORU: It is time. With seven votes against you... Ling-Ling, your show has been cancelled.
[Waitohooru throws Ling-Ling's cel in the burning fire in the fireplace. The fire gradually consumes the drawing and Ling-Ling can only watch as the inking disappears and returns to from whence it came.]
WAITOHOORU: It's time for you to go.
[Ling-Ling turns back to the group, stares at them with teary eyes, and climbs the stairs that lead outside, and out of the game for good. The other eight contestants wave goodbye to Ling-Ling. Once Ling-Ling is out of their sight, Waitohooru addresses the eight remaining contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: Ling-Ling's things are packed and ready to go. In a moment, he will be leaving the Drawn Together house and returning home... to wherever his home is. If you will follow me, you can say one last goodbye to him.
[Waitohooru leads the eight contestants out of the Room of Doom and into the living room, where Ling-Ling is taking his things with him. A limo waits outside to take Ling-Ling, well, to a secret hotel where Ling-Ling will be staying at, but Stan doesn't know that...]
[Ling-Ling opens the front door, and goes through it, out of the Drawn Together house for good.]
STAN: Bye, Ling-Ling!
CLARA: I hope you can forgive me for voting you off!
FOXXY: Keep the faith, brutha!
SPANKY: And when we meet again, speak some REAL English!
[As soon as Ling-Ling enters the limo, he is annoyed that the cameras are focusing on him.]
LING-LING: (Get cameras off me!)
[Ling-Ling, in an outburst of anger, electrocutes the cameramen with a lightning blast, and sends the two of them flying into the sky, like in those anime shows. Once the two of them are out of sight, twinkling stars appear where they used to be.]
CLARA: I hope those poor cameramen are okay...
XANDIR: It's okay! I can see their parachutes!
[The limo drives off into the horizon, taking Ling-Ling with it. America 1, Japan 0.]
STAN(CC): We made it through the first eviction ceremony, and thank God it wasn't me. But I... I think the ceremony may have been a bit over the top. Of course, it could be Ling-Ling's brash personality, since he wanted to go out in a blaze of glory.
LING-LING(CC): (Ling-Ling normally did not like working with Americans, but Ling-Ling like Animation Alliance now. They treat Ling-Ling with honor and respect most American companies never give. And Ling-Ling like working with housemates from Drawn Together, since Ling-Ling treat them like own member of Ling-Ling family.)
[Flashback shot of Ling-Ling forming an alliance with Stan at the pool table.]
LING-LING(VO): (Ling-Ling particularly like little boy Stan. He so innocent and so pure that Ling-Ling really sincere when say do not want kill him.)
[Flashback shot of Ling-Ling throwing a fireball and setting fire to a towel in the laundry room, completely freaking Stan out.]
LING-LING(VO): (Ling-Ling find out Stan have surprising history of being immune to death. Nothing kill him. Mechas, guns, terrorists, natural disasters... Stan survive all of the above.)
[Cut back to Ling-Ling in the camera confessional.]
LING-LING(CC): (Ling-Ling looking forward to meeting Stan once again, so can have chat, purify our sin, and then challenge to test each other strength. Ling-Ling hope win, but knowing Stan, Ling-Ling have doubt now. Good thing Ling-Ling role in Animated Joe Schmo over, so no longer have to speak English. Speaking English cause Ling-Ling to lose 200 IQ points.)
[Cut back to the living room, where Waitohooru addresses the eight remaining contestants.]
WAITOHOORU: Well, the eight of you survived this first eviction ceremony. You may have found an easy vote this time, but the next eviction ceremony may not be as easy as you think. The only thing that keeps you safe from the vote is the Immunity Robe, and you really want to win it. To do that, you must try your best in the immunity challenge. I'll see all eight of you tomorrow.
[Waitohooru leaves the Drawn Together house.]
* * *
[After the ceremony, we see Stan talking with Foxxy and Captain Hero in the downstairs hallway.]
STAN: Seven votes against Ling-Ling? I mean, I understand four people voting against him, and five people voting against him, but SEVEN?
FOXXY: That many people hate his ass, huh?
CAPTAIN HERO: I don't know, I kinda like his ass. It feels so soft... and comfy.
FOXXY: Stan, you vote against him? I sho' did!
CAPTAIN HERO: So did I!
STAN: No... I voted against Wooldoor! Wait a minute...
CAPTAIN HERO: What...
STAN: If seven of us voted against Ling-Ling, and I voted against Wooldoor... then Ling-Ling...
[Stan's eyes open wide in shock.]
STAN: Son of a bitch...
FOXXY: What?
STAN: Ling-Ling couldn't have voted against Wooldoor, since I was the only one who voted against him. And he couldn't have voted against himself, so the vote from Ling-Ling... was against ME.
CAPTAIN HERO: Stan, are you sure it was you? It clearly read "SATAN", so he might have voted against Satan! I mean, I'd vote against Satan too, since he's evil and all. Plus he still owes me five bucks.
STAN: I'm pretty sure it was my name.
FOXXY: Yeah, Ling-Ling done have a habit of manglin' people's names thanks to his broken English.
CAPTAIN HERO: You're one to talk about broken English, Foxxy...
STAN: I don't get it! I formed an alliance with him! And he backstabbed me!
FOXXY: Ooh, you got served, boy! You got served somethin' fierce!
STAN: Yeah, but now he's gone. I guess his plan to get rid of me backfired. Good riddance, I say.
FOXXY: We better hope our plan to vote Spanky off next time don't backfire no mo'. Piggy can't wear the Immunity Robe fo'eva'.
CAPTAIN HERO: Uh... why do we have to vote Spanky off? Why not someone else?
[Silence.]
FOXXY[to Stan]: C'mon, boy. I'ma turn in fo' tonight.
[Foxxy returns to the Green Room.]
STAN: Well, I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Captain Hero.
[Stan walks upstairs to his new room.]
CAPTAIN HERO: I really need to know why Spanky should be voted off! Please! C'mon! Someone? Anyone help me? Hello?
* * *
***END EPISODE 2***
***PREVIEW OF EPISODE 3***
WAITOHOORU(VO): Next time, on Animated Joe Schmo...
STAN: Wooldoor, we need to talk right now!
WOOLDOOR[surprised]: Waaa...!
WAITOHOORU(VO): Has Stan discovered the show's secret already?
WOOLDOOR(CC): I told Stan I couldn't swim, and he caught me in the swimming pool... swimming. I am so busted...
WAITOHOORU(VO): Even so, the drama doesn't stop there!
XANDIR: Spanky... you are so hurtful!
SPANKY: Believe me, you haven't seen hurtful yet, gay boy...
STAN: God, why am I watching this?
WAITOHOORU(VO): And one of the greatest challenges for Stan...
SPANKY: Say something nice about me!
STAN: Well...
SPANKY: I said something NICE, dammit!
* * *
Author's Notes:
Do re mi fa so la ti...
Seriously, we have our first eviction ceremony, and it took out Ling-Ling, a popular Drawn Together character. Ling-Ling, of course, is Drawn Together's answer to Pikachu from Pokémon, or just about any anime character in particular. And if you watch Drawn Together, you know that Ling-Ling isn't really speaking Japanese, but rather pseudo-Japanese gibberish. Ling-Ling is also voiced by Abbie McBride, a newcomer to the animation world, as Drawn Together is the first cartoon in which she supplied voice acting! Not bad when sharing the same animation studio with four or five voice acting giants!
And Ling-Ling was voted off the same way Gina was in the original Joe Schmo --- for scheming and plotting too much. Yeah, it is a surprise matching Ling-Ling up with Gina, since Gina is female and Ling-Ling is male, but Ling-Ling, as I told you before, IS voiced by a woman. And you can bet that Gina didn't throw ball lightning at Matt or any of the houseguests in the original series!
And yes, like in the original series, the first immunity challenge was to place your hands on a supermodel's body --- Tawny Roberts in the original. However, there are several differences:
1) While Matt apparently recognized Tawny, Stan did not recognize Mune-Mune (after all, Abenobashi isn't a series young American children will recognize);
2) Matt, like Stan, wanted to sleep in his own room, so he was the first to let go, unlike Stan in this series, who was not the first (Ling-Ling was);
3) The original challenge never offered plates of food to lure contestants out of continuing. I wrote the food into this challenge to improvise, and took it one step further by adding a "staff member eats the food, leaving the contestants without any temptation" subplot.
The original immunity challenge also offered a Pimped-Out Immunity Robe as a reward for winning. If you want to see what the robe in this one looks like, check out Episode 5 of Drawn Together. Although in that episode it was worn by Captain Hero, and not by Spanky Ham.
The eviction ceremony is similar, yet different, to the Riches To Rags Eviction Ceremony in the original. First, the original did not take place in a gloomy, decrepit basement. Second, the original has collector's plates with the contestants' faces on them instead of animation cels (however, when a contestant is voted off, the cel is still thrown into the fireplace like the collector's plates, but that doesn't mean that you at home should burn your Drawn Together cels). And the actors in the original "voted" by writing whatever the hell they wanted to write (which can range from ridiculous to obscene to ridiculously obscene to obscenely ridiculous). I added the "speak your peace" cliché.
Two days finished, six more to go. Will Stan put up with the seven remaining Drawn Together cast members without going completely insane?
What do YOU think?
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Animated Joe Schmo