Swallow The Moon | By : GhostHelwig Category: +1 through F > Ed, Edd, and Eddy Views: 9514 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Ed Edd and Eddy, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Disclaimer- I don’t own Ed, Edd N Eddy, or “Strong Enough.” The Eds belong to the Cartoon Network, and the song belongs to Sheryl Crow.
The story, however, is mine.
Special thanks to darthelwig for giving me the idea to make this a story of various songfics all tied together. If it’s bad, you can stone her.
Rated R ‘cause, well… no reason, ‘cept that the first chapter was. Some foul language, some angst. A slash fic. You were warned.
Oh, and for anyone who wants to know, the Ed quote comes from the episode entitled “Ed, Ed And Away,” the one where they chase a balloon.
Tears Of Rage
by Ghost Helwig
Ed didn’t think he’d be hearing the music tonight, but he waited outside Eddy’s window anyway.
Double D had come by, but he hadn’t held a candle. Instead, he just stared out blindly at the cul-de-sac where he’d spent so much of his life before drawing the blinds with shaking fingers.
Ed wondered. He sat outside, still as a stone, and wondered.
“God I feel like hell tonight.”
Double D lay curled up on his side on the bed, his back facing Eddy. His red shirt, always loose, shifted along his skin as his back moved. He could be sleeping-
Or crying.
Though Eddy wanted to, he couldn’t bring himself to find out which.
“Tears of rage I cannot fight.”
Eddy could feel tears welling in his own eyes as he sat forward in his chair, studying Double D’s silent, almost quivering form. He hadn’t meant to hurt him. But then, he never really did.
And how could he explain it this time, now that their interactions had this… depth? They were in too deep now. Nothing Eddy said could make things better.
But anything he said could make things worse.
“I’d be the last to help you understand.”
Ed stayed sitting even when his legs began to cramp. Where had the beautiful music gone? Why had Eddy and Double D stopped making it?
It was so pretty – why was it over?
Ed didn’t want it to be over.
“Are you strong enough to be my man?”
Against his will Eddy’s hand reached out and hovered tentatively over Double D’s shoulder. The red-clad shoulder quaked involuntarily. So Double D was awake, after all.
“My man.”
Eddy’s hand dropped back to his lap.
“Nothing’s true and nothing’s right.”
Ed was not in his happy place. It was too quiet. Everything was all wrong.
He looked up and stared at the vast, night-black sky. Even the stars were gone. He thought maybe they were hiding, that there was something happening this night that they didn’t want to see.
“So let me be alone tonight.”
The worried stare had become a heated glare. Everything upsetting eventually made Eddy angry, and right now that huddled form hunched in on itself, so frail and broken and vulnerable, made him furious. What did Double D want from him anyway?
“’Cause you can’t change the way I am.”
He couldn’t be any different than he was. He couldn’t change. No one could. You were who you were from birth. Ed had been born without a brain (at least in Eddy’s opinion), while Double D had been born with too much of one, his little fist probably clutching a book even as he slid down his mother’s birth canal.
And Eddy?
He’d been born with both his hands clenched into fists.
“Are you strong enough to be my man?”
One of his fists had been waiting for money.
The other was just a fist.
“Lie to me…”
Ed clenched his hands over his ears, blocking out the crushing silence. He would not despair. He would just imagine the music he knew so well, and if he concentrated hard enough maybe then it would really be there. It happened that way in some of his comic books.
“I promise I’ll believe.”
“I’m no good for you,” Eddy whispered, his fists clenched tightly, as tight as the vise that wound around his chest. He knew Double D had heard him. He waited for Double D to contradict him while the vise got tighter and tighter.
“Lie to me…”
But Double D didn’t say a word.
“But please don’t leave.”
Angry tears once more flooded Eddy’s eyes.
“Don’t leave.”
No one knew Eddy like Double D did. Not his older brother, certainly not his parents, not even Ed, whom he’d known longer. No one knew the secrets and spirals and heat of his self quite like his lover. And no one ever would.
“I have a face I cannot show.”
Eddy despised being vulnerable to anyone. But he’d let Double D in, because he just couldn’t keep him out.
But he couldn’t see anymore, what the lines were. What role did he assume now? Lover? Hardly the time. Comforter? He wasn’t any good at that. Just a simple friend? He knew he wasn’t any good at that, either.
But what was he to do now? How could all this be undone? He wanted to return to the stars.
He wanted Double D to look at him.
But just how could one cure what one caused?
“I make the rules up as I go.”
He knew who he was – a greedy, self-centered jerk. He knew that. It was a game, just a stupid game. It kept people from getting too close, from caring too much.
Until Double D.
“It’s try and love me if you can.”
It wasn’t working. Ed tried, not understanding how his comic books could let him down, but no matter how much he concentrated the music wouldn’t return. It was just gone.
But it was so beautiful. Couldn’t his friends see? They were the only ones capable of creating such beautiful music.
They were the only ones who could return the stars.
“Are you strong enough to be my man?”
Double D’s shoulder rose and fell in a silent sigh that nonetheless spoke volumes. Eddy wanted to scream at him, to rage at him until the passive boy was incensed enough to rage right back.
That at least would be preferable to this deathly silence.
“My man.”
But he couldn’t scream at Double D. All his speech was gone, destroyed by Double D’s absolute, arctic quiet.
“Are you strong enough…”
If only Double D would yell, or weep openly, or even whisper swear words under his breath, instead of just lying there looking pale and wretched. Then Eddy would know he hadn’t broken him. Then he’d know it would be okay.
“To be my man..?”
Ed wanted to throw himself through the window, to climb in and ask questions, to yell until they made those sweet sounds again. He wanted to hear their voices sing.
But beautiful music such as theirs could never be forced.
So Ed sat still as a stone, and waited.
“Are you strong enough…”
Maybe Double D couldn’t handle it. Maybe he’d finally gone too far. Maybe…
Maybe it really was over.
“To be my man..?”
But it couldn’t be…
“Are you strong enough?”
Could it?
“My man.”
Well, if that’s how it was going to be, Eddy could take it. Let Sockhead give up, give him up. Let Sockhead throw away every beautiful, intricate, intimate thing they’d ever shared. He wouldn’t give a damn. He could let Sockhead walk out at any time. It didn’t matter to him at all.
“When I’ve shown you that I just don’t care…”
God, Eddy wanted to hit something. Or someone. Anything would do. He just needed a release. He thought about using a pillow, but they were too close to Double D, and hitting one now just… wasn’t a good idea.
So he settled with beating himself over the head with his own idiocy instead.
“When I’m throwing punches in the air…”
Tears leaked out of Eddy’s eyes, but he flatly refused to break down and cry. If this was how Double D wanted it, then this was how it would be.
And it was alright. It really was.
If it would just stop killing him, then he’d be alright.
“When I’ve broken down and I can’t stand…”
He should just go. Let Sockhead keep his bed, like he kept his head and his heart; Eddy could always sleep on the couch. (Assuming, of course, that he slept at all.) Or sneak into his parents’ room and into their bed to let himself be rocked and comforted until all this had faded into nothing but an empty memory.
But that was a pipe dream, and he knew it.
In his head, he could hear Ed saying to Double D once, “you are not alone, my friend. I dream of pipes, too.” What he wouldn’t give for a bear hug from the big lug right now, even if it knocked his world askew and left him breathless and panting, like it customarily did.
Maybe he could sneak into Ed’s bed to sleep.
Or Double D’s.
“Would you be man enough to be my man?”
As if summoned by the thought, Double D shifted onto his back. The whites of his eyes were crimson, his irises appeared to be swimming in blood, but his gaze was steady. He stared at Eddy for the longest time in contemplative silence.
“Lie to me…”
Double D held open his arms.
“I promise I’ll believe.”
Eddy crawled onto the bed and nestled his head into the crook of Double D’s neck. Though Double D recoiled a little at his touch, his body trembling at the press of unbearable flesh against his, both boys pretended that he didn’t.
“Lie to me…”
Clouds drifted, and one single, shining, yellow-bright star winked in and out of existence before Ed’s startled eyes. It reminded Ed of Double D’s candle. It was enough.
His hands fell away from his ears as he finally allowed himself to slump over on the ground to sleep.
“But please…”
Eddy’s tears were wetting the side of Double D’s neck. Double D patted his back, awkward despite all the intimacies shared between them. He only knew Eddy had slipped into slumber when the wetness began to dry.
His own tears were beginning all over again.
He used his free hand to wipe one away, then paused, wondering.
Cautiously, his fingertips brushed over the black eye Eddy had given him.
“Don’t leave.”
It stung.
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