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As soon as the light hit the surface of the realm, Nainai had everyone up for the day. Dawn was too early for Korra to get up, even after having a baby. Still, she dragged herself out of bed like everyone else. She didn't acknowledge anyone except her son, who she put in a baby sling and put a cover over while he fed from her. After doing what she needed to do in the bathroom, she found herself sitting at the table with sleepy eyes threatening to shut from heaviness. There was a bowl of seasoned rice porridge, a plate of two boiled eggs and some fish, and a cup of steaming tea in front of her. Sitting next to her was Asami who was sitting next to Tarrlok. Bolin, Mako, and Noatak sat in front of them. Everyone else seemed to be eating but she just wanted to slam her head in the porridge and doze off.
"Korra dear, if you aren't going to eat your food then at least drink your tea. I'm not going to have you pass out during your training."
She looked over at Nainai who had seated herself next to her at the head of the table.
"Sorry, I'm just tired." Korra picked up her spoon and started eating the porridge.
"Nainai, I must say, this is the best porridge I've ever tasted." Bolin praised.
Nainai smiled. "You know, you're my favorite one out of this group. But enough flattery! On to today's chores. Korra and I will be working on her training. Mako and Bolin will go out hunting. Since Noatak likes to be by himself, he'll be doing the fishing. That leaves the rest of the women, Asami and Tarrlok, to tend to the garden."
Tarrlok stopped his spoon right before it got to his mouth as his eye twitched. "I am not a woman. I am a man. Always have been, always will be."
"We all have dreams, young lady."
"What are me and Bolin suppose to be hunting?" Mako asked.
"If you go east from here, you'll find a pack of deer boars. Kill one and we'll have it for dinner. Mongshou can show you where."
"Nothing like a little hunting to make you feel like a man, right Mako?" Bolin said as he turned to his brother.
"Tarrlok and Asami will take care of the watering, weeding, and harvesting in the garden. Noatak will catch a few fish for lunch. Does anyone have any questions? Not sure why you would, everything's pretty straightforward."
"I have one." Tarrlok set his spoon down. "Why do you think I'm a woman? I'm clearly a man!"
"Now everyone eat up. You'll need your strength for today."
Korra sat on the grass with Kajuq sitting next to her on a blanket while he played with his toys. Nainai sat across from her, lecturing her about her training.
"In order for you to get out of here, you need to learn how to be attuned to the energy around you, which includes the energy your little group gives off."
"So, like energy bending?"
"Not quite. It's the first step to energy bending. We just need to get you to be able to feel the energy around you. Once you're able to feel the different types of energies around you, you'll be able to hone in on the energy of your world. It's a similar process to meditating to the spirit world, only you'll be bringing your physical body with you."
"I don't know how to go into the spirit world though." Korra sighed.
"I'm well aware. You can't airbend either. Avatar Aang was able to do both before he was your age. He could even energy bend. The Avatar's suppose to get better with each cycle, you seem to have taken a step back."
"Yes, thank you. I had no idea what a horrible Avatar I was." Korra said dryly.
"Well you're not the worst. I'd say you're average, for now at least. I see you accomplishing some big things in the next few years. Things no Avatar has ever done before."
Korra looked over at Kajuq. "I think I already did one."
"You weren't the first Avatar to be raped and you won't be the last either. You also weren't the first to get stuck here. First one was a young water tribe fellow such as yourself. A real pain in my rear if you ask me. I like you a little better than him."
"Um…thanks?"
"Hush now. Let's begin. Now you've had these, what I would call, 'connections' with Noatak haven't you?"
Korra scratched her head. "I suppose."
"That means some of the work is already done. Your connection is the result of your energy feeling out his energy, probably because his spirit is desperate for some comfort. The problem is, when you go through these connections, you end up feeling drained, correct?"
"Well, yeah. I do actually."
"That's because you're pulling the energy from the wrong source. You need to direct your chi properly based on the chakras you're pulling from. It does no good to be able to attune to energy if you're exhausted before you can even do anything. I'll need you to force another connection between you and Noatak so I can sense what's going on with your chi and chakras. Close your eyes."
"Am I going to see another flashback of one of his memories?"
"Probably, if he allows it."
Korra took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
"Focus your energy, let it reach out."
She struggled to keep her eyes closed. Her body tensed up. "His hands are on me." She whispered.
"Hm, that's not suppose to happen." Nainai looked at Kajuq, who looked at her after staring at his mother for a few seconds. "Your mother somehow messes up before we even barely start. Korra, listen to me, let the connection establish. And stop panicking."
She wouldn't cry. She couldn't cry. Biting her lip, she closed her eyes.
Korra's breath became erratic and unstable. Sweat was running down her forehead.
It hurt so much to speak, like every letter she pronounced was a burning venom.
"I-I can't do this."
The pain radiated from her veins as she was forced to stay still.
Korra's eyes snapped opened before she hunched over with her hands catching herself. "I can't do this. I just can't." She breathed.
Nainai stood up. "What a disappointment. It seems there's still some elements of your experience that you haven't dealt with. This entire group just has issue after issue. You don't need a Nainai, you need a therapist." She mumbled herself as she walked away.
"But what about my training?" Korra called after her.
"You go deal with your personal issues first. I'm going to go check to see how the hunting's going."
Korra sighed. Kajuq tossed one of his stuffed animals in front of her. She looked over at him and they smiled at each other.
Asami and Tarrlok were just about finished in the garden. They had already watered and weeded it, the only thing left to do was pick the vegetables for dinner. They never saw vegetables like these before, there were just about every color imaginable. Even the cabbage wasn't it's usual light green color. It range from orange to even black although Nainai assured them it all tasted the same as the vegetables in their world.
Asami picked up a carrot, or what she thought was a carrot. It was bright blue and a little nauseating to look at. "These have to be the weirdest vegetables I've ever seen. Pretty, but I'd rather use them for decoration instead of eating." She said as she put the carrot in the basket she was carrying.
"Do I come off as…feminine to you?" Tarrlok asked as he stood a few feet from her staring at a dark red eggplant.
"I think it's just your hair that confuses her. Nainai's old and her eyesight probably isn't the best. Her hearing probably isn't that good either. For all we know, I could sound like a man to her."
"I'd really think her senses were failing if she confused you for a man. You're about as feminine as they come."
"And you're, um…" Asami looked around. "Hey, I think you missed a weed over there."
"Are you trying to say that I'm not masculine?"
"I'm trying to say you missed a weed over there." She set her now full basket on the ground and stretched her back. "I think that's enough vegetables to last a few days."
"Asami, there's something I need to get off my chest."
"Is it a bra?"
Tarrlok turned to her. The look on his face was serious and she found herself wishing she hadn't said what she just said. "Sorry." She said.
"I think I should be the one apologizing. I never got to properly apologize for everything I did during the whole rebellion. I treated you and your friends poorly. I ended up being a dict-"
"Tarrlok, stop. You don't have to explain yourself. I accept your apology. I don't have any hard feelings. I just want it all to be over after we get out of here."
"I do, too. I'll end it myself if I must."
She offered him a warm smile. "Let's get these in the house. If you're man enough to carry a basket of vegetables."
"Long hair can be considered very manly in the water tribes, you know."
Korra's heart was pounding as she approached Noatak sitting by the river with a basket full of frozen fish and a few figurines he had carved from wood. He was busy carving another figurine with his knife and a chunk of red wood. Kajuq was strapped in his baby sling, murmuring incoherent sounds while he looked over a block he was playing with.
"We need to talk." She said.
"About?"
She hesitated but proceeded to sit next to his figurines. "That day, when you raped me."
She saw him pause, though he continued on 10 seconds later.
There was a long silence between them as Korra tried to figure out what she wanted to say.
"There's nothing for us to talk about. Neither of us can take it back." He said quietly.
"I just…I already know, kind of, why you did it but…while it was happening it was…" Tears welled up in her eyes as she forced herself to remember that fateful day. "Why did you…The way you made my body feel…Why did you make my body respond like that?"
He set the wood and knife aside and stared into the river. "I used to ask Kunikpa the same thing."
She stared at him. "He was a blood bender."
"He wasn't as good as me or Tarrlok, but his medical expertise meant he already knew a lot about the body. He used to say that anyone can bring pain but to force unwanted pleasure on your enemies is true power. Power I didn't have."
"You..violating me, it was like an attempt to gain control. I was the person to blame for all your pain in life. Your father and Kunikpa didn't truly have the power, the Avatar did. If you had power over the Avatar then you could finally have power over your own life. You didn't want to just destroy me, you wanted me to know the pain you were feeling, pain you thought I caused and deserved. But it didn't work, did it? The pain's still there."
Noatak sighed. "Nothing ever takes the pain away, does it?"
"I honestly don't know. But maybe it can get better. We can find out."
"I still don't understand you. Why are you so kind to me?"
"I said before, it doesn't do any good for me to be mean. I guess it's my way of coping. Sure I can hit you, scream at you, try to kill you. I wanted to at first but the more I learn about you, the more I have this desire to help you. Not just you either, Tarrlok as well. I guess I want to help everyone I can, no matter their sins. There's enough pain in this world and not enough kindness."
Neither of them said a word for a while. Korra wanted to say something but didn't know if there was anything left to say. She contemplated leaving before Noatak said something again.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
She turned her head to find he was looking at her.
"I'm sorry for the pain I put you through. I'm sorry for…" He turned his head and sighed. "I caused so much pain, didn't I?"
"Yeah, you did. I forgive you though, you already know that. Maybe one day you will be able to redeem yourself."
"Are you always so optimistic?"
"With Kajuq around, I have to be." She tickled the infant's cheek. "If I want him to have a bright future, I have to make the light for him."
"He deserves a better lineage than mine."
"His lineage doesn't matter. What matters are his own actions, not the actions of those before him. I'm going to make sure he's the best person he can be."
"We have company."
Korra turned around to see Bolin running towards them in the distant. "Hey, guys, we could use some help!" He yelled.
She stood up to greet a now panting Bolin. "Did you know-" He took a deep breath. "-that deer boars are vicious and hard to catch? They also hate it when you hit them with rocks and they can break through just about any Earth wall you put up and-"
"Slow down, what's wrong?"
"Mako was trying to use his fire bending on the deer boar but it made it angry and it started charging at us with its huge tusks and now Mako's stuck in a tree. Nainai told me to go find Amon. I mean Noatak. So uh-" Bolin went past Korra and got on his knees next to Noatak. "Please please please kill the deer boar for us. We're horrible hunters and Nainai's just laughing at us and I'd also like to keep one of these statuettes because they look so very awesome."
Noatak stood up and turned to Bolin but didn't say anything.
"Sooo..I'm just gonna show you where that deer boar is. I'm also just gonna take one of these little figurines and uh…yeah." Bolin quickly grabbed one of the figurines of a water tribe lady and quietly walked back in the direction he came with Noatak following him, leaving Korra alone.
"Let's take these fish back to the cabin, little guy."
Korra sat a few yards from the cabin. She was meditating while Kajuq was playing with his wooden blocks on his blanket next to her. The sound of someone walking through the grass brought her out of her meditation. Mako was storming towards the cabin with a scornful look on his face.
"Hey, are you alright? What happened to the deer boar?"
"And why would you care?" He said in an irritated voice.
"What is your problem? I can't show concern for my friend?"
Mako stopped before he reached the cabin entrance and turned to Korra. "Oh so now I'm your friend? Take your fake concern and get out of my face."
Korra stood up. "Don't talk to me like that. The only thing I did was ask if you were alright. Since when is that so wrong? Seriously, what is wrong with you? You've barely said anything to me since we got here."
"You want to know what's wrong with me?" He stalked over to Korra. "You're what's wrong with me. How could you just leave us? Leave me? In the middle of a rebellion! You left us to try and fix the mess you were suppose to fix. And not only that, you had a stupid baby! What were you thinking? Oh wait, I know what you were thinking because you weren't thinking at all!"
She huffed. "Don't you dare start with me. You don't know a thing of what I've been through so don't act like you know a thing about me. So what if I had a baby? You aren't my father and you aren't my boyfriend so it's none of your business. You made your choice when you started going out with Asami."
By now, Asami, Tarrlok, and Nainai had emerged from the cabin to see what the yelling was about.
"This is going to be good." Nainai snickered.
Bolin and Noatak emerged from the woods with Noatak holding a dead deer boar over his shoulders as they stood still to watch Mako and Korra go at it. Even Mongshou was crossing the river towards them.
"That doesn't matter. Before you were talking about how you had feelings for me but you didn't mean a word of it did you? I bet you seduced Kajuq's father by saying the same thing too, right? That is, if you even know who his father is."
Asami gasped and quickly went over to Korra.
"Why you insensitive jerk!" Her fist went up but Asami quickly caught it.
"Korra please don't. It's not worth it." She told Korra. "Mako, please back off. This is not the time, place, or right way to do this."
Bolin grabbed Mako's shoulder. "Bro, she's right. Let's just have lunch and-"
"I don't understand any of you. We're stuck in this stupid realm because of this chick, this sorry excuse of an Avatar. Everyone here is acting like everything's all fine and dandy but we're stuck here with Tarrlok, the man who ran Republic City with an iron fist, manipulated everyone around him, and got us thrown in jail all for his own selfish purposes. And then there's Amon, or "Noatak" who I cannot be begin to go into detail about all the stuff he did. Just a week ago we were locked in cages and tortured under his rule and everyone wants to pretend that none of that happened. And it's all because of Korra! If you had stayed in Republic City and did what you were suppose to do instead of making babies with someone then none of this would have happened. I feel sorry for your son. He has such a loose mother."
"That does it!" Asami had to wrap her arms around Korra's waist to stop her from attacking Mako. "Tarrlok, please help me. Bolin get Mako out of here."
Bolin grabbed Mako's shoulders and tried to pull him away. "No, let her fight. It's the only thing she might be good at other than laying on her back." Mako said.
Tarrlok replaced Asami by wrapping his arms around Korra's torso so that the only thing she could do was kick while Asami scooped up Kajuq who was still fascinated by his wooden block.
"You're such a jerk! You don't know anything of what I've been through! You don't know any of the pain I had to endure, all the suffering and anguish!" Tears were streaming down Korra's cheeks. "I was stupid to have even the slightest crush on you. You just want to see me hurt like everyone else!"
Mongshou whispered to Nainai. "I'm surprised you aren't letting them bend."
Nainai shrugged. "If they get on my nerves too much, I might let them bend and kill each other."
Tarrlok dragged Korra away from Mako and into the forest, despite her kicking and yelling. Asami glared at Mako who met her angry eyes with equally angry eyes.
"How could you say such things to her? You really hurt her." Asami said. "It's not like you at all."
Mako adverted his eyes from her. "Whatever. Maybe she should have spent more time being the Avatar instead of becoming a mother."
Kajuq started fussing and chucked his wooden block, which hit Mako right in his crotch. He bent over before falling on his side while holding his crotch.
"How can a baby even throw that hard?" Asami said.
"Lil' Bo, I give that throw a perfect 10." Bolin said.
"Shame, I was hoping there'd be some punching." Nainai walked over to Noatak to grab the deer boar from his shoulders. He was impressed with the old woman's strength. "Noatak, be a dear and come help an old lady skin and gut this thing."
The sound of Korra punching a tree echoed through the forest. She was beyond mad. She was furious and steaming with rage. She couldn't even feel the blood starting to seep down her wrists.
"I can't believe him! How dare he even imply…I should go back there and give him a piece of my mind and foot."
Tarrlok watched her while he sat on a tree stump. "No, you stay here until you've cooled off."
Korra slammed her fist into the tree once more before pressing her forehead against the trunk. "How could he." She was mad, but she knew she couldn't blame him. She'd be mad too if he confessed his love her for and then had a baby with another woman. "This is all my fault.." She whispered. If she had been a little stronger, maybe right now Republic City would be at peace and she'd be training with Tenzin, waiting for the night to arrive for her date with Mako. Maybe she'd still be pro-bending. Maybe everyone wouldn't hate her so much. If only she were a better Avatar.
"Everything's my fault. The Avatar's suppose to protect people. Avatar Aang failed to protect you and your brother."
Tarrlok raised his eyebrows. "What?"
"I'm sorry. All this was something I was suppose to stop in my last life cycle. There was a family suffering from the abuse of an escaped criminal and I couldn't help them. Now I'm paying for it in this life cycle." Korra stared at the black bark with blurry eyes. Her tears were coming out so fast and hard that it was giving her a headache.
"You know that's not even fair. The Avatar may be powerful, but at the end of the day, you're still human. You make mistakes. You laugh, cry, bleed, and heal like the rest of us. You can't protect everyone, so there's no point in even blaming yourself for the suffering in this world."
Korra wiped her eyes. "I guess you're right. No matter how powerful I think I am, I will always have limits. I'm not an all-seeing being, I can't do everything."
"But that doesn't mean you can't try your best to do so. That's one of the reasons why the Avatar is so admired by everyone. The Avatar is always pushing their limit and doing the impossible. The Avatar never gives up, especially not when some, erm, jerk dislikes her."
Korra turned to Tarrlok.
"Although if you ask me, he doesn't dislike you nearly as much as he tries to make it seem. If anything, I think he still likes you, he's just hurt."
"I guess I can't blame him. I'd be hurt too if I found out he had a baby with someone else." She turned around and threw a punch forward, hoping a chunk of Earth would slam into the tree but it didn't. "Ugh, why'd she have to turn off the bending. I wouldn't have actually killed him, just severely injured him."
"He looks like him."
She turned her attention back to Tarrlok. "Huh?"
"Kajuq looks like his father. He looks like Noatak when he was a baby."
"You know then…"
"I'm sorry, Korra. If I had known my brother was going to do that, I wouldn't have-"
"No, don't. Please. You don't have anything to apologize for. Your brother did it, not you."
"I should have listened to Tenzin when he said you weren't ready. I manipulated you for my own personal gain. It's a shame I had to lose my bending to see all my wrongdoing."
"It's alright, I forgive you regardless. Besides, you got a second chance. Nainai restored your bending, didn't she?"
"She did. I'm not sure how. She must be quite powerful."
"She has to be. Sometimes I don't wanna think about how powerful she might be. I'd rather not think about how a little old lady like her might possibly be able to kick my butt."
They chuckled.
"I never got to ask, are you doing alright?"
"What do you mean?" Tarrlok watched her move closer to him.
"I mean, after everything's that happened in your life, are you doing alright? Do you need anyone to talk to or anything?"
"That's very kind of you. If I feel the need to express myself, you will be the first person I go to."
"I just want to be able to help anyone I can."
The sound of Kajuq laughter interrupted them. Korra turned to see Asami and Bolin approaching them with her happy infant.
"Korra, are you alright? I'm so sorry about what happened back there. He had no right to talk to you like that!" Asami said.
Korra met Asami halfway and took the infant from her, who immediately clung to her shirt and put his head on her chest. "It's fine. I can't blame him, really. I'd be mad too if I were in his shoes."
"I've never seen him this mad though. Well, actually I did once but it was a completely different circumstance so I have no idea why he was making such inflammatory insults." Bolin said. "I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive him one day."
"It's fine guys, really. I sort of deserved it anyway. I ran off without an explanation and then I just suddenly return with a baby. There's so many questions I didn't answer. I've left all of you in the dark."
"We're just glad you're here now." Asami said. "You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. We're going to stick by you no matter what."
"Yeah, you can talk to us whenever you feel like it. We'll be here to lend a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on whenever you need one. We're going to be harder to get rid of than flea-ticks on Oogi."
"I love you guys so much." Korra grinned.
"And little Kajuq gave Mako a piece of his mind earlier." Asami said as she rubbed the infant's head.
"What do you mean?"
"Lil' Bo heaved his toy hard and hit Mako, um, in his more sensitive area." Bolin answered.
Korra pulled Kajuq from her chest. "Is that true?" He just smiled at her. She returned the smile and snuggled him against her cheek.
"I love you, Kajuq."
Mako stared at his reflection in a nearby pond. He didn't know why he blew up at Korra like that. She was right, he wasn't her father or her boyfriend. She wasn't tied down to him. He chose Asami over her, which meant Korra was a free woman to be with anyone she wished. Maybe it was from the pain of watching him and Asami together that forced her into the arms of another, even if it was just a one night stand. Maybe he really was the reason she left. Was he such a terrible person? His reflection said yes.
"Mako, we need to talk."
He turned around to see Bolin and Asami staring at him. Asami had her arms crossed with an angry expression on her face.
"Guys, look, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."
"We're not the ones you need to say sorry to. I know you saw the pain in Korra's eyes when you said those things. How could you?" Asami asked.
"I don't know! This entire situation is just messed up and then seeing her with that baby.."
"And knowing he's not yours is making you a little jealous." Bolin interrupted. "Because we all know you have feelings for her but have always been too stupid to act on them."
"I don't have feelings for her! Even if I did, it's not about that."
"Really, you don't have any feelings for her at all? None that would make you jealous of the fact that some other guy had a baby with her?" Asami sighed. This guy was so helpless.
"It's not about the baby or my feelings. It's…ugh!" Mako fell on his butt and grabbed a handful of his hair. "I don't know what it is."
"Well figure out what it is quick and apologize to Korra." Asami said before she stormed off.
"Yeah, bro. Korra didn't mean to hurt you. And quite honestly, I don't think you want to be on her bad side for long because Kajuq looks like he's very protective of his mother. You do not want to near him when his arm is in full force." Bolin sat next to his brother and put a hand on his shoulder.
"You think she'll forgive me?"
"With that face? Of course she will. You'll probably have to beg her for a while but I'm sure she'll accept. And Mako?"
"Yeah?"
"You're a real idiot."
Mako sighed. "I know."
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