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Shadows of Tomorrow	By : Breech_Loader Category: Transformers > Transformers: Animated > Het - M/F Views: 1716 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Shadows of Tomorrow

Co-Written by Harley Quinn hyenaholic and Froggy22651

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Harley: Don't you worry about anything at all, I've almost finished uploading this story again, and then I've just got the sequel and a couple of other fanfics to sort out. Spammers should be hung up by their testicles.

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Chapter Nineteen: Holing Up

Hotwire followed Optimus Prime and Bumblebee dragging Barricade down to the cells, her head hanging somewhat. But because of the bond, Barricade was able to tell that she was feeling exceedingly satisfied with herself for some reason.

The potent mix of emotions that were streaming from Barricade were suddenly replaced by a single, simple desire; curiosity. Why was Hotwire satisfied by all this? What was she planning? As he considered this, Prime and Bumblebee arrived at the cell block and picked one just for him, shoving him inside.

Hotwire followed him in and sat next to him, then raised an optic ridge at Optimus, "Are you going to lock the door and set guards outside this cell too?" she asked him, smirking slightly.

"That's the idea. We'll speak later,” Prime told her calmly before closing the door behind him, leaving Hotwire alone in the cell with an oddly quiet Barricade.

"Don't worry, Barricade," Hotwire just smiled again and straightened her metal plait, "The important thing is in fact that we get you fixed. Besides..." her plait unwound and replaited itself in a much straighter manner, "Now he's not watching us."

Barricade stared at her in disbelief, "You planned all of this, didn't you?" he asked, sitting down on the raised platform that served as the cell's bed.

"Well..." Hotwire smirked, "Not exactly. I didn't intend you to get caught by the meatbags. In fact, I didn't really intend anybody to get caught at all. But people are so trusting..." she sniggered, "You'd be surprised at how much you can be in control when other people think you're crazy."

"So what's your plan?" Barricade asked her.

"Actually, I don't really have one," Hotwire leant back.

"...What?" Barricade uttered, staring at Hotwire as if she had lost her mind, "Then what are you so pleased about? We're in an Autobot cell!"

"Yes, but that was the point," Hotwire looked smug, then more serious, "Prime won't be poking his metal nose into everything I do now. Besides, there's definitely something wrong with you, and I'm not breaking us all out until we've played those Autobot suckers for all the equipment we need to get you sorted out."

"There's... there's nothing wrong with me!" Barricade insisted quickly, "I just had a lapse in judgement, that's all! I've just been tortured by human scum!"

"Yes, and I think they might have done something to your emotional circuits," Hotwire said calmly, "Your feelings are a mess. I can tell, you know."

"Of course my feelings are a mess!" Barricade growled, looking away. For the first time since that had formed it, he found himself disliking their bond. He didn't want her to see the turmoil in his head; he just wanted some time to deal with it himself.

Hotwire sighed and took Barricade's hand as he looked away, "You know," she said matter-of-factly, "The fact is that I'm going to be here, no matter what either of us wants now."

Barricade grumbled to himself, but he knew she was telling the truth. Giving her hand a squeeze, he faced her once more, "I'll be fine,” he told her.

Hotwire wriggled into a different position, so that she was sitting slightly behind Barricade, her arms around his shoulders, "If I was going to resent you I think I'd have to stop resenting Ratchet, and it's not really worth the exchange..."

"Humph,” Barricade uttered, leaning back and letting Hotwire start to rub his shoulders. It wasn't an outlook he totally shared, although he could understand her desire to not waste the effort, "I can hold a lot of grudges,” he rumbled.

"Hmmm..." Hotwire rubbed his shoulders lightly, "Against whom?" she asked him, a slight suspicious edge to her voice, although it was also tinged with playfulness, "Who could possibly be important enough to hate?"

Barricade smirked grimly, "Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Ratchet,” he started rattling them off, "Ironhide, Starscream, that punk who cut me off in traffic..."

"Hmmm... that's a lot of people you're dividing your attention between," Hotwire sounded somewhat amused, "I'd rather you concentrated on one person. Me," The femme embraced him from behind affectionately, "You should save your anger for when you need it."

"My anger is limitless,” he replied to her, and it was true. He never was lacking in anger, never had trouble drawing it when needed. It was a constant presence within him, a lit furnace in his chest. Sometimes, it even scared fellow Decepticons, "But perhaps you're right about the attention,” he murmured, resting his head back against her.

Hotwire stroked his chassis lightly from her position behind him. She seemed in quite a relaxed mood now, although since Barricade had seen just how quick those moods could swing, that was no indication, "Get too angry, and you'll end up like me," she warned him with a dry smile, "Still... who you are now is good enough..."

"I'd better be,” Barricade spoke, only half-joking. The larger robot placed a hand over hers, giving it a squeeze as he rubbed his head back against her cheek.

Hotwire kissed his cheek lightly, "It still hurts, doesn't it?" she said calmly, but through the bond Barricade could feel the anger that burned within her, an ice-cold burning rage covered with a perfect mask of serenity.

"Yes, it still hurts,” he answered blankly, hiding his own emotions as best as he could, but through the bond, his furnace burned brighter in contrast to the sub-zero cold within her. He had hated humans and Autobots before. But now he hated them.

Inside Hotwire, the cold rage, like a supernova in space that would destroy everything before consuming itself in a black hole, only increased at the conformation. She stroked his cheek with the back of her hand, "I'm here," she said gently, "I'm here for you. And," she caught some of his fears, fleeting through the bond, "And I won't be angry, or ashamed for anything you feel."

"Good,” Barricade told her. He knew that he was going to feel a lot, and little of it was going to be pleasant. Hatred burned white-hot inside him, threatening to overtake his mind, but he calmly pushed the rage back down. His anger may have been boundless, but it was destructive, too, "So what will we do now?"

"You can tell me anything," Hotwire continued, "I can take it all. I've seen more pain than you can imagine, Barricade. It's my function. And it's also my function to heal pain. And I'm sure I love you too."

"There's nothing to tell. Only to feel,” Barricade rumbled, releasing any safeguards he had on their bond. The pain and anger and hate he felt flowed freely between them. He could not suppress the shudders of agony as his emotional circuits overloaded. Along with the pain was the clear message that someone was going to pay for what happened to him.

Barricade was convinced that Hotwire would break her promise and pull away from the bond, try to get away from the pain and rage and hate, and use stupid, meaningless words to try and comfort him. But his pain and rage and hate hit the icy rage that compromised Hotwire's consciousness like a burning asteroid colliding with a frozen moon. Hotwire shuddered and twitched, but she didn't pull back; she only held Barricade closer.

Barricade shut his optics down and rested against Hotwire, still shaking slightly, letting the anger and pain flow away from him, allowing him to finally relax since his rescue. Both were still there, but their bite had been diminished thanks to her help. A little sharing went a long way.

Hotwire traced her hands over his chassis. The pain and hate and rage would certainly try to scar her mind, but in the end it didn't change anything. It didn't change her own eternal, casual insanity, or the way she felt about Barricade. He made her feel... and he made her feel like there was more to life than anger. Even if she wasn't always sure what it was, feeling anything other than anger was enough, "You see?" she told him, "I can take it. I'll be with you, however this whole mess ends up."

Barricade gave a quiet, pleased hum upon hearing that, reaching behind him to stroke her cheek, "I wouldn't have it any other way."

In response, Hotwire rubbed her cheek against his hand, "I'm not afraid," she told him, "I'm not afraid of anything. Ever." Only now that they were bonded did Barricade know for sure that this wasn't mere false bravado, or ignorance born of inexperience. Hotwire would always smother her fear with anger, and not because she chose to either, like some mechs he’d known.

Barricade frowned. It was hard for the robot to imagine a life without fear. For most sentient beings, fear was a constant, "But fear is a good thing,” he told her.

Hotwire sneered, "Fear is a bad thing. I worked that out millennia ago. If you allay somebody's fear, they become stronger. If you know somebody's fear, you can twist it against them, and they're your puppet. Therefore, fear makes you vulnerable."

"Fear keeps you alert and prepared and aware of danger,” Barricade countered, "Fear can spur one into action when they would be otherwise complacent."

"Humph," Hotwire looked doubtful, "If you allow yourself to fear, you're losing control of yourself. The only good thing about fear is that it becomes anger. I worked out how to skip that part and get straight to the point. There's nothing more important than being in control of yourself. Not even the result."

"Fear is only a problem when you allow it to control you,” Barricade replied. It seemed that this was quickly becoming a debate between the two of them, "You can be aware of fear and not fall into panic. To fear and remain in control of yourself is a great strength."

"Fear is what I use to control others," Hotwire replied firmly, "What Prime really fears, deep down, is that he's not so unlike Megatron as he claims. He's that sort, it comes with being so... noble. Make that claim in the right tone, and he'll do anything to stay calm, to deny it, to maintain a semblance of control."

Barricade frowned harder, thinking about Hotwire's words, but slowly, a very grim smile appeared on his face. It made a certain amount of sense, and he liked it.

"Many people suffer from fear," Hotwire looked incredibly self-absorbed, "The hardest people to deal with are those who are consumed with it. Sometimes the best approach is to say nothing at all. You won't always know enough about somebody to use them, so let them betray themselves," she explained.

"Hmm,” Barricade hummed to himself, "It sounds like a useful interrogation technique." Obviously, the Decepticon was figuring a way to apply her lesson to his own work.

Hotwire nodded, and shook her head absently, "Anyway, one group needed a medic, so I was basically kidnapped off the streets. Not that it could really be classed as kidnapping; if they'd just asked I'd have gone along just as easily. When your primary function is healing, you don't think much about the actual designation of the guy who looks like he's had a run-in with a car crusher," she continued helpfully.

Barricade nodded. It made sense. She was a medic, and someone needed her assistance. Still, he couldn't help but think about how irritated he would be in that situation. "Don't you ever feel like violating that function?" he asked her, the hint of a growl in his voice, "Don't you ever feel like just letting someone die?"

Hotwire looked at Barricade as if he'd just suggested that she perform a specific sexual act on a robo-chicken, "No," she said simply, "Sometimes people have to die so that others can live... but that's not the same thing at all."

Barricade kept his gaze fixed on her, "Both sides have rejected and used you. Why should you care if they live or die? Or do you really value life that much?"

"What is it with you and not getting it?" Hotwire asked him, "Life isn't the value. Look at me," she spread her arms, "What else can I do? What other possible use do I have? If I can't heal pain, what am I but a pointless waste of scrap?" It seemed there was no kindness in Hotwire's desire to heal, as there was in Ratchet's. She did it because she could do nothing else. No wonder she burned with icy cold rage.

That made even more sense to Barricade. She disliked both sides, but her one true talent lay in healing, "But if you had other talents, another calling... what would you do?" he asked.

Hotwire looked down, then up again, "If I'd been allowed to choose my programs?" she asked, "I think... I think I would have liked to be a racer. I've always chosen the fastest alt mode my current programs could handle."

Barricade chuckled softly, trying to imagine that in his mind. Actually, it struck him as making a lot of sense, "Hotwire the racer,” he said, "That's something I'd like to see."

Hotwire smiled a little, "It's too late. Sometimes creators decide it wouldn't be half bad to fulfil their own failed dreams of glory through their offspring. Both my programmers were Autobots. One was a medic who wanted me to be the best. The other was a warrior who had always wanted to be a medic."

"So combined, they tried to make the best medic,” Barricade concluded, listening intently to Hotwire's explanation of her origins, "But are you really restricted to just what your creators wanted from you? You're smart; you can learn other things."

"I suppose," Hotwire shrugged, "It would be nice to be able to blame everything on them, but... no; I was pretty screwed up in the circuits even as a youngling. When I was given my programs, I figured, why not make the best of a bad situation? People trust medics. And they're a valuable commodity, what with everybody busy choosing their sides."

"An interesting way of looking at it,” Barricade replied, "As long as you are a medic, you are valued. Irreplaceable."

Hotwire nodded, "It's probably the only reason I survived. The insane aren't exactly highly valued, except as cannon fodder."

"But both the Decepticons and Autobots have plenty of people to fill that role, and they need people to patch the surviving fodder up,” Barricade spoke, following along with Hotwire's train of thought. The larger robot smirked, "You're more devious and manipulative than I ever imagined."

"It's a gift," Hotwire agreed, not smiling this time. She wrapped her arms around Barricade again, "Sometimes. Other times it's a curse." She shifted her position so that she was lying down and holding Barricade against her instead of sitting up.

Barricade leaned on his side, looking down at Hotwire and stroking her slowly, "I don't see how that could be a curse, unless you are unable to control it,” the Decepticon rumbled.

Hotwire shrugged again, singing a few lines of an old Cybertronian song, "Doesn't matter if I'm here or there, or somewhere in-between, just as long as I know where I'm going," she told Barricade, trailing her fingers over his chassis.

Barricade's expression turned serious as he continued stroking her slowly. Something about that little tune struck a circuit within the Decepticon, "Do you know where you are going? Because I sure don't,” he spoke.

"I have to," Hotwire said, "If I didn't... well..." she hesitated, and through the bond Barricade got the impression that self-deactivation was preferable, "I've got you. You're a certainty. Even if you don't know where you're going, as long as I've got you I know where I'm going." This time she smiled, as if a huge weight had been lifted off her Spark, "You're right, you know. Sharing problems does help."

Barricade smirked briefly, pleased that it was helping her. The smirk collapsed soon after, though, "You are a certainty in my life,” he agreed with her, "You're a part of me now. It's everything else I'm not certain of."

Hotwire looked at him, and her slim fingers wrapped around his much larger hand in a gesture of comfort. She let the bond guide her. It couldn't tell her everything, but it told her enough, "Your comrades are gone, dead or on the run. And you know that even if they do come back to this dirtball, they won't be coming back for you. And it hurts your pride that a team of Autobots, led by your most hated enemy, were more willing to rescue you from the humans than Decepticons would be."

"Of course it does!" Barricade answered, finding his wounded pride aching harder as his thoughts were voiced out loud, "It doesn't make any sense! Why would the Autobots save me?"

Hotwire considered her answer carefully, "Well," she said, and stopped. It was never easy to inform somebody that their enemy was not the merciless, savage monster they liked to believe they were. She'd have lied, if there was any actual chance of Barricade not seeing through it in a matter of nano-seconds, "I did convince them to," she said finally, and stroked Barricade's cheek lightly, her expression impassive, "And considering the state you were in when they brought you back, it's fortunate they were so easily convinced. Early diagnoses indicated you were two, perhaps three days from processor death."

Barricade nodded, "I know,” he told her grimly, "I was starting to look forward to it." Before, he had never known why anyone would ever wish for death, and he was certain that he'd fight no matter what. But after what he felt while captured by humans, he had a painful understanding of the desire to die.

Hotwire frowned, "Processor death is not something you should want," she said quietly, "It deactivates most of the processor but it wouldn't keep you from feeling physical pain."

Barricade smirked very unpleasantly, "If all you can process is pain, then there isn't enough of you left to care,” he explained.

"But it's not all you can process now, right?" Hotwire asked him, gazing into his optics, concern behind her visor, which had almost healed now. Her hand squeezed his.

"I'm talking to you, aren't I?" he replied. It seemed to be good reasoning. He was still thinking and feeling, according to the bond, "But... pain is easier to process now,” he admitted in a strained voice.

Hotwire gave a metallic sigh, and cradled Barricade in her arms as best as she could, giving what he had said some thought. Everybody dealt with pain differently. What was the best way? She tried to think of what normal mechs did to ease pain, but her mind turned up a blank. She could feel Barricade’s despair, “Please don’t hurt,” she said quietly.

Bitterness seeped into the bond between them. Barricade grimaced, "You might as well ask me to freeze time or reverse entropy,” he uttered quietly, "Pain is a constant."

Hotwire stamped heavily on the unhappiness trying to overwhelm her, "It shouldn't be," she said. She wasn't the most stable person around, but it shouldn't be a constant thing, she knew that, "There are other things to feel," she told him, shifting so that she could hold his head to her chassis.

"Of course there are other things,” Barricade snapped quickly, but reeled in the rush of emotion, stilling himself, "I feel other things around you. But pain is a part of all life. Not everyone feels happiness. Everyone feels pain."

"Obviously," Hotwire agreed, "But that doesn't mean..." she stopped. She was definitely not good at this comforting thing. She remembered something that Ratchet had told her once, "Pain is the body's way of telling you that something's wrong," she said finally.

Barricade frowned deeper, his optics burning a brighter red, "And what is that supposed to mean?" he growled, although she could tell his anger wasn't directed at her, "That things are wrong more often than they are right?"

Hotwire gave this question some thought, "Yes, I suppose it does," she said quietly, and the lack of denial would have been surprising if Barricade hadn't been half-expecting it, "But that doesn't mean it's supposed to be."

"Hmmm,” the larger robot uttered, unsure how to respond to that. He wasn't sure how life was supposed to be. He only cared about what he wanted it to be, "You're trying to help me,” he realised, "No one ever does that."

"And you stayed with me," Hotwire returned, "Nobody ever wanted to before. When I gave them the choice, they chose to leave. So I started leaving first. But you didn't. You stayed." Her fingers traced their way lightly over Barricade's shoulders.

"We're an odd pair, you and I,” Barricade commented, staring off into space, "I suppose that's why it's working."

"Maybe," Hotwire said, "I'm sure I don't know why," she turned Barricade's head back to face her, "Could be any number of reasons," she informed him, before pressing her lips firmly to his.

Barricade returned the soft kiss, relaxing somewhat at the feel of it. The pain was still there, and it would be for a long time, but as long as Hotwire was around, he knew he could handle it, "It works. That's all I care about," he said softly.

~~~

Harley: Ah yes. All this reuploading is taking ages, but I'm managing it.
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Shadows of Tomorrow