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No Particular Reference
By : LeavesofMyself
Category: Transformers > G1
Views: 2509 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: See full disclaimer in Chapter 1
Chapter List
- 17
- 18
- 19
LeavesofMyself: Due to the sheer size of the overall piece (which is, in total, nearly 10,000 words long), I've decide to break it down into two parts. The first part will consist of the first half of the alphabet (A-M) and the second part will be the second half of the alphabet (N-Z). I must warn you that parts N-Z is the longer half. On than that note, I do hope you enjoy.
Chapter Warning(s): Strong AU, Angst, Dark Themes, and a small dose of Sticky!
Chapter Rating: M
A/N: All notes of clarification are located at the end! (i.e. when you see [1], which indicates a note, the information will be listed at the end). Furthermore, all words that I have used ARE in fact actual words.

Abject (Utterly miserable)
In his solemn darkness he laid, listless frame trembling. Audios rang aloud of beautiful lies and broken laughter. Like picture frames, vivid memories of wishful dreams played out before him. Solace came in the shadows of nothing; sanctuary came up empty. Behind locked doors he could imagine, breathless kisses of passion and life worth having. Alas, though, he knew nothing more than his darkest hour of abandon, caged in suffocation and stripped of worth.
Bletcherous (aesthetically unappealing)
Frame trembling with misery, servos clenched in shame. All around him illuminated beauty and he alone, a wretched stain. Others winked and flirted at the many gathered, but he held no part of this game. Voices haunting as he slipped from the room, whispers of beauty he would never hear.
Captious (fault finding)
Some screamed to him in fury, others a gentle whisper of shame. Some reached to him, others shied away. Many hid behind ornate words and gentle lies, few ever gave themselves away. Try as they might, he always found them. Scornful etches of truth would tremble in fear, as he brought them forth to light and left them there. Nothing was spared in the massacre, not even him.
Dysphoria (general depression)
As I take in their smiling faces, I begin to wonder 'how do I get there?'
Encraty (self control)
His frame trembled in silent fury as his optic of golden hue brightened in a rare display of livid rage. Shockwave narrowly swallowed down the snarl of pure vehemence as he forced himself to stand by as his leader, his leader, toured the hall with that vile temptation hanging onto his arm, sleek airline hips dancing promiscuously as plumb lips giggled in flirtation. It was disgusting to endure and ever more difficult to allow it to happen. With denta clenched, Shockwave reined in all the self control he could manage to prevent himself from walking over to his leader and that…. That, that FRAGGING WHORE and tear the two apart before viciously pulling apart that little harlot, starting with those precious wings. Though the thought was ever so tempting, he held himself back…. Oh! But the moment his leader is gone….
Flinty (stern)
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade [1]. It is cold and unyielding, stern and without a fathom of remorse, of sympathy. I was their reason, their un-sounding logic; therefore, I became their knife, that wretched agonizing pain that would govern them, dictate to them. I shaped all who could not will themselves, molded those who thought to greatly, morphed those who knew nothing. In all sense of reason, I had to be their tyrant, their master (though I was never to be confused with our lord), stern in their making, unyielding to their faults. They all listened, and those unwilling where thrown away, useless to our lord's vision. I was the voice of reason, of logic, and I shall here forth remain so.
Goatish (lustful)
He shouldn't be doing this. It was foolish, dangerous. More severely, it was entirely illogical. Despite the forewarning whispers of his logic circuits, he still found himself firmly pressed against the steel wall, knees buckled underneath him, optic dulled in consuming lust and euphoria. His large, gunner frame trembled fiercely as his servo trailed light sensual touches down his duel-plated armor towards his pelvic region. His vocalizer released a series of hiccuping gasps as the blunt end of his fingertips kissed the sensitive seams of his interface panel. This is ridiculous. His shuddering frame rocked heavily, wantonly, against his servo as he teasingly pressed it to his interface panel, servo barely leaving behind anymore than an alluring tingling sensation, causing his vocalizer to let loose a suppressed groan of pleasure. I should have more control than this! I….
Shockwave hissed in rapture as he released the catch on his interface panel, cool air of the Nemesis shocking his overheated frame, forcing a surge of ecstatic bliss to overcome his taxed systems. If my Lord sees me… ah! As if on its own accord, the large servo trailed teasingly around his spike housing, pausing only a moment to dip in and skim the tip of the spike before trailing lower. Wha… oh!... What has become of me? The guardian's frame bucked in ecstasy as he slowly, unconsciously, rubbed thick, blunt fingertips over the length of his valve, barely choking back the groan that resulted. His servo rubbed the rim of the valve, softly pulling the flexible edges, the tip of one finger dipping into the leaking valve to tease the outer most sensors before treacherously drawing away.
Behind the steel ridden door that lay just to his left, Shockwave could hear the muffled mews of bliss that had started this illogical course of action from him. He sat, frame ridge and trembling, valve flexing in anticipation, servo massaging the folds of his leaking orifice, waiting. Waiting for the tall-tale sign that his master, his lord, penetrated the filthy whore's body he had taken to his berth. The waiting was agonizing, his valve convulsed in hot aggravation from the butterfly teasing it was receiving. It, instead, wished to be filled, to be slammed into over and over again until it hurt, until it ached with sedation and fatigue.
Shockwave, long since gone in his fantasy haze, trembled with unadulterated lust. A small, wishful moan escaped unchecked from his vocalizer as his processor no longer saw his own fingers dipping into his thoroughly soaked valve, but instead, and more pleasingly so, imagined that it was his lord who graced him with such pleasure; his hot, thick spike rubbing his dripping entrance wantonly, before, without mercy, slamming full-hilt into his willful body. Shockwave panted, frame taunt from his lust, his uncontrollable need to submit so fully to his master, to willfully let his body be abused so intimately, to reaffirm unyielding loyalty.
AH! Shockwave sunk three of his thick fingers into his weeping valve as a muffled scream carried through the corridor. Without mercy, his body rocked heavily down his own servo that had so brutally penetrated his own body, frame rattling as it trembled harder from the pleasure. Oh…. The pace was brutal and harsh, fingers nearly stabbing into his wet valve as the sounds from his Lord's chamber carried through his audios, urging him to move his servos faster and grind his body down harder, knowing, deep in his lust ridden processor, that nothing with his master was ever gentle. My Lord! Yes… ah…. A mew of blissful agony escaped his vocalizer as he rode his fingers, clenching his valve as his lifted himself up and relaxing as he dropped back down. Sensors sang voluptuously as he curled his fingers, allowing the blunt ends to scrape harshly, seductively, down his valve's inner walls. Primus! Me-….
Shockwave groaned lowly as he spread himself wider, large frame leaning forward to brace on his gunner arm. The new position allowed for his thick fingers to reach deeper into his body, tips barely skimming his most recessed and sensitive node. But it wasn't enough and Shockwave nearly growled in frustration. Without thinking, a sub-compartment opened and an electro-whip clunked to the floor. Quickly withdrawing his fingers from his valve, he grasped the semi-thick handle of the electro-whip and trailed the butt-end tantalizingly over his dripping port. Rocking his large frame across the electro-whip as it was drawn back and forth across his entrance, Shockwave moaned softly before stilling himself and plunging the end of the whip deep inside himself. Primus!
With renewed vigor, Shockwave forced the semi-thick whip into his weeping valve over and over again. My Lord…. Ah…. So… oh, yes! Tilting the handle of the electro-whip, Shockwave allowed the blunt end to scrape along the bottom of his valve walls, causing sensors to tingle in painful stimulation. I'm so close. Without abandon, the thick servo mercilessly slammed the handle of the whip into his wet valve in an increasingly fast pace, his frame tensing with an impending overload. I'm…. Primus! Yes, yes, yes….
A piercing scream echoed down the corridor followed a more subtle groan. It was all Shockwave needed to push himself over into the tantalizing abyss of euphoria and ecstasy. The guardian's frame went ridge as he slammed the handle of the whip into his dripping, hot valve once more as it convulsed and clenched in overload. Ah…. MEGATRON! As the abused port released a torrent of lubricant in release, Shockwave's tightly clenched servo pushed the whip into him in shallow thrusts, drawing the experience out.
Slowly, the large gunner frame relaxed as the overload passed, frame slumping lazily to rest on his gun arm. A few kilks went by before he shakily withdrew the handle of the electro-whip from his now sedated valve, whimpering as overtaxed sensors were brushed. Finally, as the handle was removed with a slick, wet 'pop' Shockwave pushed himself into a slumped sitting position, exhausted chassis resting heavily against the steel wall. Swallowing a sign of contempt, Shockwave proceeded to clean himself, the whip, as well as the floor beneath him before closing his interface panel. As the guardian stood, he took a moment to recompose himself before carrying on towards Megatron's chambers, his original destination before he was swept away in his lustful state, to deliver the reports his master had commanded of him.
Habromania (insanity featuring cheerful delusions) [2]
Patient exhibits bouts of…. Shockwave's vocalizer whined softly as his logic center pinged in agony as it conflicted over the information he had bore witness too was tumbled over and over again in an attempt to process, and failing miserably, just what was going on. His large gunner frame swayed back and forth, his servo wrapped about his torso in a vain attempt to comfort himself. In the haze of his blinding agony, he nearly missed the ghosting sensation of another's touch. His dull and unfocused yellow optic looked upwards to the source, meeting the fierce and captivating optics of his leader…. Highly delusional...
Shockwave let loose a groan as his leader's servo gently stroked his antenna in a soothing, and most welcomed, manner. He was not expecting such comfort from his hardened and vastly cruel leader but was none-the-less pleased as the soothing strokes continued, the calming sensation nearly drowning out his raging logic center.
"They said…" Shockwave hissed as a sharp pang of white hot agony laced through his processor, causing his large frame to spasm for a moment before settling back into his gentle swaying, "Said you… not real….. Delusional." His logic center ached as is tried to force out words in a coherent sentence.
His leader's raging optics narrowed in displeasure, his stroking servo stopping for but a moment, causing Shockwave to whine and lean further into the contact…. Subjected to…
"They delusion themselves if they think I do not exist." His leader hissed in a building rage.
"Fragment made imagination real not up…" Shockwave mutter as his logic center offlined under the strain of its conflict.
"I thought you would know better than to listen to their lies, my dearest Shockwave." Megatron rumbled as he continued the pet the former officer. "If I am not real, then how can you see me? How can you feel me, speak to me?"
….Severe isolation….
"Touch touch very hard lovely cold touch hard firmness touch" was the only answered Megatron received as a low hum exhibited from within Shockwave's chassis as his logic center slowly rebooted, sending pings of sporadic agony lacing through he neural wires. Prone to psychoses…. "Illogical… must be… can't otherwise…"
Megatron purred in response, kneeling before his subordinate. "I knew my most loyal and trusted soldier would not fall for those filthy Autobot tricks. Now rest, you need strength if you are to escape from this prison."
Shockwave's large frame slumped against that of his leader in sever exhaustion, overtaxed systems beginning to power down as the former guardian slowly slipped into a troubled, but much needed, recharge. The last thing that met his optic before he fell away into his oblivion was the empty darkness that swallowed him whole.
…. Diagnostic: Schizophrenia….
Ianthine (violet-colored)
It was severely aggravating as the fools that the Nemesis harbored subjected themselves to their own personal entertainment at his own expense. He could ignore stabs at his logical processing, his lack of two servos, and he could even handle being ridiculed for his borderline obsessive loyalty for his leader. However, there was one thing that grated on his processor….
He was not, for the love of Primus, lavender!
He did not consider himself a vain mech by any means but did still approve of an appearance of strictly professional mannerisms. Yet, no matter how hard he tried to ignore the remarks of his paint work, he could not help himself to forcefully correcting his subordinates. Was it too terribly hard for these inferior fools to see that he was violet or more specifically, electric violet (and in some cases, depending on lighting, vivid violet)? Slag, at this point, he would ever accept purple, but lavender? Lavender!
Shockwave resisted the tempting urge to grumble in displeasure to himself as another remark involving his color scheme wafted into his audio systems. Imbeciles.
Jussive (expressing a command)
"Considering I exceed you in rank, I order that you cease calling my paint job lavender."[3]
Keck (to feel disgust or strong dislike)
"Don't play coy with me…. I know how much you want it." Shockwave nearly growled in displeasure as the other 'Con pressed invasively into his personal space, having taken it upon himself to try and 'loosen up' the massive gunner.
"You are deluding yourself." The other form frowned momentarily before that sleek and freshly polished frame pressed even closer to the large mech.
"Now, now, Shockwave. That's not very nice." Came his reply, answer thick with over-energized static and something else that Shockwave refused to name, simply because he wished not to recognized what it was… especially from the mech next to him.
A shutter managed to creep up the violet mech's back-struts as a sly servo rubbed suggestively across his broad chest panels, the smaller, sleeker body pressing further into his side. Shockwave barely restrained himself enough to not reach for that molesting servo and just tear it from the mech's body. A very tempting thought… Too tempting.
"Remove your servo from my plating, seeker. I am in no mood for your games."
The servo stilled for but a moment before a wicked and intoxicated grin spread over the mech's faceplate next to him. Shockwave felt that unwanted servo trace the seam on his chest plates. It was enough motive for Shockwave as he stood abruptly, forcing the seeker next to him to topple over in surprise. The violet mech marched out of the Command Center, the mocking and overzealous laughter of the invasive mech ringing in his audio systems. Shockwave growled.
One of these days, he was going to kill that damned, treacherous seeker…. If his Lord didn't get to him first.
Loveless (receiving no love)
He wasn't a mech of many things; simplicity and logic were all he needed but… That was all before he met him, before he was ever graced to stumble upon such a mech as him. From the moment he met him, he knew there was something more he desired, something he needed from this mech, craved from him; something he could not dare to begin with words. It begun as simple curiosity, simple gratification. As time wore on, that innocent simplicity he was acquainted with became something so much more, something fiercer; something dangerous. It became a sort of obsession, an all consuming want to have his Lord near him, around him, with him.
So it was no surprise that he had done everything within his capabilities to please Megatron, to ensure that his Lord wanted for nothing that he, himself, could not provide. He gave his master his perfection and in turn, Megatron promoted him, gave him praise after praise. He became the former gladiator's closet ally, his most trusted soldier. He became his master's guardian, a fleeting honor he could no more be thrilled of. For a moment, he was everything his master needed. He provided his master with stability and sound reason, even in times where it seemed as if it would not be enough. For a moment, his fantasy of meaning more to Megatron was within reach, was closer than he could have ever imagined. For a moment, he believed in his dream, but only for a moment.
His fantasy, his only wish, his only dream, shattered when that treacherous seeker began to captivate Megatron; drew his lord in like a moth to a flame. In the face of his greatest threat, Shockwave did everything to keep his master close to him. He, timelessly, warned the large gladiator that the seeker was dangerous grounds, grounds that should not be trampled on. He warned of deceit within the cocky recruit. Yet, despite everything, despite all his well meanings, his master ignored him and to the seeker he caved. Shockwave, a mech of unsoundly logic and simplicity, had felt the smallest quiver of… something…. In his spark as he watched, from the sidelines, as Megatron catered to the over pompous flyer.
The feeling began to grow, began to consume him as, time after time, Megatron favored the flyer to fill his position, pushing him off into the background, forgotten. He never knew what kept him from recharge back then, never knew what prevented him functioning at his fullest capacity some orns. He knew what it was now. And he was suffocating in it; forced to drown by a fresh-off-the-line seeker.
He knew it was to happen, knew it was only a matter of time, and yet, it was a moment that he wished he could prevent from ever happening, and if he could not, he had only wished he would have been chosen for such an honor. Yet he wasn't, again. Once more that aggravating seeker was chosen over him, Megatron's most trusted and most loyal ally. Apparently, he wasn't enough. So, here he stood, his back pressed firmly to his chamber door, vents heaving and his optic dimmed as his spark clenched in an overbearing agony, one he had never felt before, one he wasn't used to.
He didn't understand, couldn't comprehend the logic behind Megatron's decision. What did that wretched seeker have that he had not portrayed already? Shockwave's vents hitched as his pedes refused to support his slumping weight anymore. He slid down the locked door to his chambers, pedes buckling underneath his frame as the maddening despair gripped him harder. Thick claws clutched tightly to his gunner servo, the (although thick) metal beginning to succumb to the pressure, miniscule rivulets of energon trailing down the servo as the tips of his claws pierced the metal. Though he was quickly drowning in the suffocating misery, Shockwave managed to swallow back the keening whine that threatened to escape.
Megatron…. My lord. I don't understand. Why am I not enough?
Martinet (one who adheres to the rules) [4]
"It's not wise to violate rules until you know how to observe them."* Shockwave commented as he took in two of the Command Trine before him. Starscream only smirked in irritable satisfaction as Skywarp grinned manically.
"If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun."* Skywarp answered, his battered purple frame twitched slightly as severed relays sparked spontaneously.
"I concur", Starscream paused as Hook jerked on one of the flyer's damaged wing struts, causing a hiss of pain to fill the air, crimson eyes darkening for a moment before they cast a glare to the indifferent medic. "You are remembered for the rules you break."*
"Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men."*
Starscream glanced over his wing mate for a moment before the two of them broke into a fit of laughter.
"So which one are you?" Skywarp laughed.

LeavesofMyself: I do hope you have enjoyed Part 1. Below are the notes and accreditations for this chapter.
[1] Quote by Rabindranath Tagore
[2] Habromania is (basically) any psychological disorder that features insanity accompanied with cheerful delusions, such as Schizophrenia.
[3] Yep! Shockwave is still upset at his paint-job being called lavender. Lol Sorry, I couldn't find a 'J' word that I liked.
[4] Quotes by (in order of appearance): T.S. Elliot, Katherine Hepburn, Douglas MacArthur, and Douglas Bader.
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No Particular Reference	By : LeavesofMyself Category: Transformers > G1 Views: 2509 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: See full disclaimer in Chapter 1

No Particular Reference