Adult-FanFiction.org : Cartoons

No Particular Reference
By : LeavesofMyself
Category: Transformers > G1
Views: 2509 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: See full disclaimer in Chapter 1
Chapter List
- 16
- 17
- 18
LeavesofMyself: Alright. Here is your request Cai-ann. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. It was difficult at first to figure exactly what to do but once I got into it, I GOT into it. :) Anyway, I really hope you like the outcome.
Cai-ann's request: Starscream and Megatron - Linkin Park's "New Divide". Where Starscream becomes suicidal after a massive beating from Megatron for no good reason and Megatron finds him. Ending: either A) Megatron stops Starscream and promises to try to respect him instead of abusing him or B) Starscream saves Megatron and dies in the process
Chapter Warning(s): Angst, Strong Dark Theme, Suicidal Tendency, Abuse, Violence and Gore
Chapter Rating: M
Character's in Reference: Starscream, Megatron
Lyrics Accredited to: "New Divide"Linkin Park.

~*~ There was nothing in sight but memories left abandoned ~*~
From the deaden of the night came a penetrating keen of utter self-loathing and maddening anguish as a decrepit and beaten form crumbled to ground out of sheer weariness. Blazing, cracked optics of scarlet pierced the surrounding darkness, pulsating and flickering in-between bouts of surging rage and humiliation. A large blue fist slammed into the ground, cracking the dry earth beneath under the power. It rose and fell again, and again, and again, each strike against the unforgiving earth below denting the knuckle plating inwards; another piercing wail of suffocating madness tearing forth from a static filled vocalizer as the fist continued to mercilessly pulverize the un-stirring earth. Memories, haunting recollections of the past few cycles flitted through his processor. With each humiliating remembrance, the fist fell harder into the earth.

Starscream lay on the floor of the bridge trying to overcome his sudden and abrupt sense of vertigo. One moment he had been calmly working on his report of the last battle with the Autobots the previous day when he was suddenly lifted from his station and tossed clear across the room. Just as the world around him began to settle, he was once more lifted from his stilled place on the floor and slammed unforgivably into the wall behind him. Pain snaked up his sport column from the jarring impact, forcing a yelp from his vocalizer.
Just as he was about to vocalize his displeasure of being thrown about, a large servo clenched over his neck, sufficiently cutting off energon flow to his cerebral processor and forcing shut his stuttering vents. He raised his servos, desperately clawing at the hand that had such a deadly hold on his next cables. His optics met that of his assailant before he was lifted away from the wall and hurled once more across the room where he collided with the back of the large, looming throne in the center of bridge, his helm snapping back sharply from the impact to slam against the unmovable alloy. His sore body slid to the ground, his pedes unable to keep him upright. Vents opened with a sudden gush of air as the pressure from around his neck cables disappeared, which left him light-headed and unstable.
"Lo-Lord Mega-tron!" Starscream gasped out, vocalizer tainted with the barest hint of static. Slowly, he pushed himself to his knees, unable to move further as his stabilizers fought to return to normal function. His audios detailed to him that his leader was closing in on his position and a gripping fear of dread overwhelmed his spark. A large servo grasped one of his wings and hauled him to his shaking pedes and his sensors ignite with registered pain. A pitiful whimper escaped him as the claws gripped tighter.
"Lord Megatron!" he pleaded as the tyrant's claws began to puncture the wing in his hold. "Master! What have I done?"
Instead of an answer, Megatron raised his other servo and slammed his fist into the seeker's face, cracking one of the optics in the process from the force. Howling with pain, Starscream struggled to get out of the tyrant's hold, but the more he struggled, the tighter the claws dug into his sensitive wing. The tyrant's fist met his face once more and this time, he let go of the seeker's wing, causing Starscream to stumble backwards into the back of the thrown before crumbling to the ground once more.
Megatron granted the suffering Second in Command no reprieve as he backhanded the seeker, forcing his entire frame sideways to the floor. Starscream gasp in pain from the blow and sudden meeting of his helm to the floor. Groaning, the seeker moved to sit up but a large pede keep him in place. Metal groaned and the sound of glass shattering was drowned out but a long, agonizing scream as Starscream's cockpit began to buckle inward under the increasing pressure of his mater's pede as he placed more weight onto it.
"Lord Megatron! Please, have mercy!" howled Starscream as his chest plating began to collapse inward on his spark housing. The blinding pain tore through the young seeker's energon lines as the housing cracked from the stress. Vents stuttered from the agony as optics flickered between awareness and blissful oblivion. The pressure gradually increased for a few kilks more before it disappeared altogether, leaving the battered jet in withering agony from the ordeal.
Starscream's false sense of hope was torn asunder when Megatron reached down and pulled him, once more, to his pedes. Gripping the un-abused wing, Megatron began to twist and pull at it until wet sounds of energon lines ripping in half and a fresh agonized scream tore from Starscream's lips filled the room. Megatron continued to pull on the sensitive appendage until it was barely hanging on by the hinges connecting it to the Air Commander's back. Energon streamed in raging rivulets down the beaten seeker's back, staining it omnisciently pink. Sensors were alight with searing torment, causing Starscream's frame to convulse violently in shock and distress. Megatron released his broken protégé and turned and left the bridge, never once saying a word to the haunted seeker convulsing on the floor.
As abruptly as the attack began, it ended.

~*~ There was nowhere to hide, the ashes fell like snow ~*~
In a sudden burst of insanity, the battered form slammed his blue fist into the earth once more before all the pent of rage and humiliation washed from the mangled frame in a final surge leaving behind nothing but thickening numbness. Blazing optics dulled and deepened to a barely visible crimson as they observed the vastly growing pool of energon beneath his form. Exhaustion swept through the seeker's frame like an inferno, and the mangle form tilted sideways carelessly, plowing straight into the dry, beaten earth below.
Starscream mused solemnly. He had not known what he had done to provoke the attack nor was he able to stop it. He had dropped his guard, allowed a processor-numbing simple-ness to take over, a mundane existence in the moment. He should have known, should have seen this coming. Nothing was ever mundane or simple for the hellion Decepticons; it wasn't in their programming.
He couldn't tell what left a more bitter taste in his spark, the fact that he had ultimately allowed this humiliation, this suffering, or the fact the he was helpless, defenseless to stop it. He was weak. Megatron had it right all this time. He was nothing. If he couldn't even defend himself in his own faction, how was he supposed to take down the Autobots? He was disgustingly pathetic, so abhorrently unsound. He could clearly see why so many others questioned his rise to power, his authority.
Starscream couldn't help but let loose a bitter laugh at the thought. Power? Authority? He had nothing more than a wavering title at best. He barely even had that. The others never respected him, disregarded his orders, his words… He was the second highest rank in Megatron's army and he could hardly control his own trine.
Optics dulled at the thought. No one respected him. Not even the very mech who appointed him to Second in Command and Air Commander of the Decepticon army: Megatron. He appointed Starscream because he had claimed that the seeker had much potential, that they needed someone who could formulate strategies, who could develop and enhance weaponry…. It had all been lies. Megatron needed him for nothing. He formulated his own strategies and only inclined for conformation to Soundwave. Oh, he had tried to voice his opinion, make obvious the complete and utter lack of structure in the planning but Megatron had always turned deaf audios his way. The more he tried, the more Megatron grew frustrated…. The more frustrated Megatron got, the more suffering he had to endure. Insult after insult, beating after beating…. He stopped truthfully trying after it all began to be too much.
As for developing and enhancing… That's why they had the Contructicons.

~*~ And the ground caved in between where we were standing
And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve ~*~
Dark crimson optics lit ablaze with bitter annoyance bore hauntingly into his own scarlet, the massive frame taunt with fury, large clawed servos twitching, convulsive in the need to strangle, to beat, to completely lay devastation unto. Megatron's lips curled into an aggravated sneer. Starscream stood at attention though he, in an attempt to parish into the surrounding shadows, slowly, ever so slowly, began to curl away from the beast before him, to hide amongst the night in protection. He had angered his lord once more; had defied him, made a mockery of his army, of him…. This night would be no more pleasant than any other.
So, in a desperate attempt to save himself, he began to grovel.
"Lord Megatron… I meant-"
He found himself in Death's grip the moment he began to stumble for words for his actions, for his betrayal; his weakness.
"I do not want to hear it!" He never did. Starscream only ever spewed beautiful lies from his treacherous lips and his master had had enough.
But it did not stop him from begging. "Plea-"
And then he couldn't think, couldn't breathe. He only saw the shadows creeping closer, felt his processor giving into the forsaken madness of his despair. He would not escape unscathed. He never did. Never would. Such a mindless repetition of a morbid play, and he was doomed to play the leading role until he could function no more.
"Your obsessive compulsion to de-thrown me is distasteful." Megatron hissed, optics narrowing in a forlorn warning. "When will you learn?" His servo tightened and the nightmarish blackness crept ever closer, ever more present. He grew fearful. "You will never take my thrown from me! I am your lord, your master, and you will obey me Starscream."
Pain was all he felt afterwards. Mindless agony that warped his processor into nothing but a mess of static and white noise. He was utterly consumed in his anguish. He had begged, pleaded for mercy… It only made the processor-numbing, suffering that much stronger, that much sharper.
And when it was all said and done, Megatron's words sang a depressive and morbid tune in his audios for vorns to come.
"You are completely worthless, Starscream."

~*~ In every loss, in every lie, in every truth that you'd deny ~*~
'Megatron is right, I'm utterly worthless.'
A haunted scream broke forth from his weary vocalizer and echoed in the desolate cannon as his numbness washed away in torrents as a fresh wave of wretchedness. For moments on end, he found he could only scream, only had the desire, the will to scream. So he did. It muted the oppressive surrounding silence in a song of misery. It dominated his thoughts, echoed in his spark. He found, as his vocalizer sparked and filled with a shrilling static, that he could not bring himself to care, could not recapture awareness enough to even bother to notice. He screamed until he could no longer, until his vocalizer gave out under such pressure and even then, he found himself enraptured by his silent scream. A silent scream that tormented him more than his own pleas for mercy, his own filthy weakness could…. It was a silent scream in which he had lived his existence in. A silent scream for benevolence. For justification. For condemnation. A silent scream for respect. It made him all the more bitter.
When he became aware of himself once more, he was no longer blessedly numb, but cascaded into a whorl wind of unforgiving emotions so long ago bottled away in the back of his processor where they could no longer plague his thoughts. Despair. Worthlessness. Useless. Anger. Misery. Grief. Anguish. In his epiphany of enlightened emotions, Starscream rose to another: He didn't want to feel. He wanted the processor numbness. He wanted his hollow mask, his un-tainted coldness. It was how he had survived for so many vorns. How he managed to pull himself away from the blessing of the blackness in his recharge. It was how he moved. How he thought. How he was. Not these feelings. Not this suffocating fatal mix of emotion.
Starscream found his frame rocking back and forth, his optics flickering between unthinkable insanity and an infernal of desperation. He needed to become numb. To not think of his failures. In the wake of his slipping reality, his razor-fine talons sunk deeply into the thigh armor plates as the clenched in an uncontrolled need for something. The sound of buckling and metal collapsing snapped Starscream back to reality for a brief moment. Illuminating scarlet looked on in macabre awe as pink energon surfaced to the deep gashes where his talons had dug in moments before. As his life essence slowly trickled to the surface, he felt strangely calm, more at peace with himself. There was no pain, only a sickening relief.
Lips twisted upwards in a diseased smile as talons were studied in horrid fascination before one was brought to an undamaged servo. Starscream flexed his talons for a moment before resting it softly on the plating of his servo. With callous and demanding satisfaction, Starscream tore into his servo, pushing his talons deeper and deeper into the circuitry before the viciously, without a care, shredded through flowing energon lies. Starscream purred in twisted contempt as the wet sounds of energon lines ripping and the screeching of metal plundered his audio receptors. It was a bitter relief as copious amounts of vital energon seeped past his still forceful talons to cascade down the length of his servo and began dripping of the tips of his other talon.
Starscream pushed his talon deeper into his opposing servo and, with the tips of the claws, gripped whatever circuitry he could and then pulled. A sickening sound of circuits tearing from their welded and bolted positions blasted the vacant cannon around him as he continued to pull with all his might. Moments later, the tarnished circuits tore forth from his armor in a nauseating display of splashing energon and shredded parts. Energon, no longer hindered by his own talon, streamed forth in a waterfall of life essence, staining most of the damaged servo a delicious pink in its wake.
Blaring alarms flashed before Starscream's optics, warning of severe damage and critical energon leaks. They fell upon blind optics as the talon rose once more.

~*~ And each regret and each goodbye was a mistake too great to hide ~*~
Large pedes touched nearly silently in the deserted cannon, not far from the central target. The nearly towering frame rattled with a deep revving of the engine and the slight stuttering of vents to cool the somewhat over heated form. A sweeping of a scanner indicated that the one he had been forced to track down was no more than a hundred meters away, obscured by large boulder. Vents heaving in an aggravated sigh of annoyance, the massive bulk of a form moved forward, stalking silently in the night, steps barely thundering against the dry, caked earth.
'My treacherous second best know he will be severely punished for leaving the base unannounced.' Megatron's thought processor hissed in anger as he stalked forth and around the protruding boulder. Crimson colored fury swept the landscape for any tail-tale signs of his missing and disobedient air commander.
Crimson optics widened slightly in a flash of surprise as they finally settled on the frame of his protégé. It was not the presence of large collapsed sections of plating or horridly scratched surface that had taken him by storm, but the massive quantity of dripping energon that had nearly stained the entire left servo and a large portion of Starscream's pedes a morbid and sickening pink as well as the nearly meter wide, gaping hole in which the energon gushed forth from. His subordinate's optics flickered with an intense, consuming desperation and a startling display of relief.
Upon further studying, Megaton couldn't help but notice that Starscream had not even registered that he was no more than a few feet from his crumbled form. Instead, he looked to be in a deep, revolting trance as he rose his stained servo, pausing a moment to study the trickling pink essence before he placed it against his cockpit. Megatron was caught between revolting fascination and a deep twisting sense of horror as Starscream, without abandon, plunged his talon into the cockpit. The sound of retching metal filled Megatron's audios as he watched his second hack through vulnerable and delicate circuitry, talon digging deep causing more energon lies to sever. Energon began to stain the front chassis of Starscream's body as the talon was pushed deeper and deeper inside the seeker's body.
What threw Megatron into a bout of confusion was the fact that the seeker never once reacted towards the pain, towards the nearly blinding agony that had to tear through his sensory net like an engulfing inferno. Instead, Starscream's face was a morbid display of contempt and frustration.
He could hear Starscream mutter something from his broken vocalizer before the seeker grasped the edges of his clasped cockpit with both servos; despite the searing torment it most likely caused his second to even move the severely damaged one. He dug his talons deep into the seam of the closed cockpit and pulled. For a moment, it look like the clasped cockpit would resist the pressure but the thick plating relented in a shrill of buckling and crushing metal. Megatron found he was unable to will himself forward and found himself rooted to his spot as Starscream continued to pull apart his chassis, exposing the hidden spark casing and housing underneath. Megatron watched as Starscream continued to pull the plating apart from one another until it began to snap away from the chassis altogether. He watched as the seeker threw the lacerated plating aside and raised his tainted servo once more.
As Starscream placed his stained talon on his spark casing, Megatron became aware of the escalating situation once more. With a sudden rush through his vents, Megatron surged forward, just as Starscream's talon tentatively bit into the casing.
Just as Starscream decided he needed something more, something final to give him his relief; a large servo grasped his own stained one and pulled it away from his spark casing. Starscream growled in rage as he was denied his ultimate release of his plaguing and haunting emotions. He fought against the hold on his servo, trashing side to side, heaving with all his unrestrained might but despite his best efforts, the grip on his servo was far stronger, far too unrelenting. A voice, deep and snarling, so far away tried to reach him but in his blinded haze, he could only hear the bitter whispers of his processor, telling him to finally finish it, to set him free from his cursed feelings once and for all.
It wasn't until a rough slap to the face that he suddenly became aware of his actions once more. The blessed fog of insanity rose and in its wake came torrents of nauseating agony and pain. Through the searing torment, he could barely make out the deep crimson optics of his leader's, and out of conditioned habit, he began to beg.
"Pl-se… Ha-ve….Me-mer…. cy."
For once, his powerful leader obliged his wishes and he suddenly fell away into darkness.

When he came too once more, he had to shudder his optics as the piercing, unforgiving lights glared down on his overwhelmed optical sensors. After a moment, he sensed a shadow fall across his form causing him, in reflex, to un-shudder his optics. He gazed dazedly up at Megatron and an uncontrollable sense of dread gripped his spark. However, instead of the trademark frown of disapproval that his leader normally directed his way on a cycle basis; his face was a mask of controlled aloofness. Distant optics study him for a moment before a flash of confused weariness spread across his features before it was wiped clean by the apathetic mask.
"I had Hook offline your pain receptors."
The deep neutral tone was a bit surprising but not un-welcomed. Starscream nodded in acknowledgement and opened his mouth to give his thanks but Megatron interrupted him in the process.
"I should have had him leave them active for utter disobedience. You left this base unannounced and that highly displeases me. Especially when it concerns my double-crossing, treacherous Second in Command." Megatron stated, his tone flat and uninterested. Starscream's frame rattled in alarming fear which did not go unnoticed by the looming supreme commander.
"But I see you have suffered enough. By your own servos no less."
Starscream flinched as if struck. He had not known what had come over him. All he knew, all he had felt was a fierce determination to rid himself of the plaguing emotions that nearly swallowed him whole.
"I thank you for your consideration, Lord Megatron." Starscream whispered through his sensitive, but recently repaired, vocalizer. Megatron 'hmm-ed' softly in deep musing before tracing a clawed servo over the recent patch work of his second's cockpit. Starscream flinched, the sensation not as un-lost to him as he would have thought.
"Starscream," Megatron uttered, "my dear protégé, what tipped your scales and took you into a blind world of insanity and sheer desperation?"
It was a question in which there were no true answers. He wasn't certain what had tipped his scales so unfavorably. He couldn't determine if it was a long time in coming. Or while he lost himself so violently. He only know that the unexpected attack was the cataclysm that brought about his senselessness, his rashness to somehow escape his own derma plating, his own worries and fears… he had become suicidal in his search for an ultimate freedom from himself and his miserable existence. The answer, after thinking it over, was simple, so he blurted it out headless of any repercussions it might bring him.
"You."
Megatron didn't seem as fazed as he thought he would be. His commander didn't flinch at the answer, nor did he seem to care that he had been blamed for Starscream's own personal hell. In fact, it looked as if Megatron had already knew this was coming, knew that he played a major, if not the lead, role into Starscream's fall to suicidal desperation.
Megatron, whose face was still as mask of collected aloofness, merely nodded and 'explain' fell forth from his lips. It was the only command Starscream found himself willing to obey.
"It's the way you look at me with that utter loathing look. I can see it in your optics, how much you despise me, how much I seem to annoy you. It's in the way you speak to me with such a mocking tone. You don't take care to notice that words are far harsher then they appear, that they wound deeper than you could ever possibly fathom. It's how you completely undermine me, defeat me, go out of your way to break me down and keep me there. It doesn't matter to you that I'm completely humiliated in the process. That, after every time you beat me, assault me, attack me mentally, psychologically, the respect I deserve diminishes inside my subordinates. You can't stand me, my presence.
"You promoted me because you said I was good for the cause. But you lied. I mean nothing to you. Nothing to this cause. I'm expendable. Despite my best efforts, despite my only wanting the best for this faction, you continue to only see through me. You only take the time to notice my flaws. You never hear me, what I have to say. You said I was smart, brilliant even, and you won't even give me the chance to prove it to you. You, without hindrance, tear apart the very thing you signed me on for. You know I can boast this faction beyond the limits you have placed, beyond the shackles you won't release and that is the very reason you wanted me on your side. But you won't even let me flourish where I deserve to. You strike me down, time and time again. Beat me down and leave me there. Out of all of the Decepticons, you go out of your way just to destroy me, to desolate any confidence and strength I have… You turn it all against me. Turn all my strong points into my disgusting weakness.
"I don't mean to displease you, nor do I intend to overshadow you… My only truthful intention was to better this faction and in doing so… I…" Starscream paused, unsure if he should finish his thoughts. A look from his leader confirmed that he should despite the rising apprehension for the unknown.
"I only ever wanted to gain your respect." And he fell silent once more.
Megatron's mask of cold distance never wavered and in his silent musing, Starscream found himself unnerved. He had always been able to tell what his master was thinking, what exactly was plaguing the tyrant's processor but now, now he had no indication, no hint as to what was going through the commander's mind.
The long, tense silence was broken when the silver mech finally spoke, "I do respect you Starscream, and make no mistake in that."
Taken back by the statement, Starscream didn't know whether to scream in rage at the massive mech or to let it go and take the compliment as it was. He was torn between knowing that, while Megatron did he respect him, he only sought ways into destroying his second and never once portraying that sense of respect.
Without control, Starscream hissed out, "Then why not portray that then try to destroy all that I am?"
"It is not in my nature to show anything. I am programmed for battle and battle alone."
And in a twisted, logical stand point, it made sense to Starscream in a way he never thought he would.
"If I asked you to try, would you? For my sake? For my sanity's sake?"
It was a long, drawn out silence in which Megatron seemed to be contemplating the different variables of such a notion before the slightest nod of his helm indicated that he would, indeed, try to show his respect for the seeker's sake.
"No more abuse?" Starscream insisted, his damaged processor unable to find much comfort in the admittance of Megatron's willingness to try.
"None that you do not, truthfully and rightfully, deserve." Megatron uttered kilks later.
"You will listen; truly listen to what I have to say?"
Megatron once more nodded and stated, once again, "I will try."
"And you'll stop mocking me in front of the crew?" Starscream didn't truthfully mind the question he had asked. He could handle the mocking disdain from his lord, as long as he knew his lord still respected him. In truth, the mocking would only fuel his determination to keep Megatron's respect and thusly, push him harder in the end.
Megatron, whom seemed to have understood the underlining message, smirked. "Do not push it Starscream."
With that, Megatron left the med bay. Starscream, with a truly light and at peace processor for the first time in many vorns, fell into recharge, awaiting the changes to come.
~*~ And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve ~*~

LeavesofMyself: I really hope you enjoyed it Cai-ann as well as everyone else. Please R&R to let me know what you think. Until next time!
- 16
- 17
- 18
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

No Particular Reference	By : LeavesofMyself Category: Transformers > G1 Views: 2509 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: See full disclaimer in Chapter 1

No Particular Reference