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My Big Fat Gargoyle Wedding	By : MelissaMaxwell Category: +G through L > Gargoyles Views: 7467 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gargoyles. Gargoyles belongs to Greg Weisman and Disney. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
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"You're just going to ignore this problem until it jumps up and bites you on the ass!" accused Margot.
Chavez massaged her temples for a moment, trying to fight off the headache the blonde D.A. always gave her. "Ms Yale, we are not ignoring this problem. The gargoyle in question is in a cell, hogtied, under heavily armed guard and is currently in stone sleep. Officer Morgan knew the risks when he took the job. Dr. Blake says he'll be fit for active duty in a week or so with minimal scarring."
"Where is he?" asked Margot.
"Officer Travanti took him home." said Chavez. "Dr. Blake said it would be bad for him to drive until the anesthetic is completely out of his system."
"Not Morgan!" snapped Margot. "The gargoyle! I want to see him! Now!"
And she won't go to school until she gets it. Chavez thought to herself as she led Margot to the cell. Shylock was in stone sleep, his body painfully arched against the manacles he had been locked in. "There he is, Ms. Yale." said Chavez. "We call him 'Shylock' since that's what it says on his tag."
"Well?" said Margot. "What are you waiting for? Get a hammer and get to smashing!"
"Ms. Yale, there is this thing we call 'due process' that prevents...."
"I'm a district attorney! I know what due process is!" snapped Margot. "And these monsters deserve it less than your average pit bull! We have to stop them Chavez. For God's sake, they're breeding! Can you imagine more of these animals taking over our city? Our country?"
"What makes you so sure they're breeding?" asked Chavez.
Margot blushed. "Uh, I-I'd rather not say."
Chavez stared hard at Margot for a moment. "You know what? I don't even want to know." she decided. "Later today, Shylock will be transported to a lab in Toronto where they can keep him restrained more safely than we can."
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"Come on, Lili." Maggie offered her daughter a spoonful of applesauce. "Open up!" Lili stubbornly sealed her lips shut and turned away. "Please, Lili? Eat your breakfast like a good girl. I know you like applesauce! Look, Mommy will eat it!" Maggie pretended to eat a spoonful of applesauce. "Mmm...yummy, yummy, that's good! Here, you try some." Lili just whined and beat her fists against the high chair tray. "Oh, I know, sweetie, you're frustrated that Daddy hasn't come back yet. Claw skipped into the make-shift dining room with a smile on his face. "You're in a good mood." commented Maggie. "Want something to eat?"
Claw smiled and shook his head. He tapped his wrists together while making a double V sign and mimed combing his hair. "You want to borrow a comb?" Maggie translated. Claw smiled and nodded. "Well, I think I have one." She opened a tattered handbag, a souvenir of her human days, and offered Claw a comb. He made the sign for "Thank you" and took it. He held up his right hand and turned it one way then the other. "You want a mirror?" Claw nodded. "I-I'm sorry, Claw. I don't have one." She had no use for mirrors since her transformation. Claw noticed that the toaster Lex had set up for them was made of shiny metal. He smiled and made some flinging gestures from his sternum, effectively saying "Never mind". He began to groom himself, using the toaster as a mirror.
"Making yourself look nice for us?" asked Maggie. Claw turned and smiled at Maggie. He made the sign for girl, the for gargoyle and the one for love. "You love a girl gargoyle?" Maggie translated. "What's her name?" Claw finger spelled for her. "T. A. M. O. R. A. Tamora?" Claw nodded. "Oh, that's nice, Claw!" said Maggie. "She might be one of Angela's sisters. They're visiting. Or maybe she's from Staghart's clan. What does Tamora look like?"
Claw made the F sign with his right hand and ruffled the fur from his wrist to his shoulder. "She has fur?" Claw nodded. He made a clawing motion with both hands across his face. "Tiger?" Maggie translated. Claw smiled and pointed to himself. "Oh, she looks like a tiger! Like you do. She's probably from the English clan, then." Claw put his right hand over his left and waggled his right index finger. "She has a tail?" Maggie translated. Claw nodded and looked a bit embarrassed. He used his hands to describe a full bust on his chest, then looked away, turning a bit pink under his fur. "Oh, I see." Maggie bit a giggle. "She's also very, ah, gifted. Well, Claw, I'd very much like to meet your new lady friend. I'm sure Derrick would to." She sighed and stirred the applesauce. "I hope he's alright. He didn't come home last night."
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"Al! Al! Wake up!" Talon shook the old man who was napping on a discarded mattress.
"Huh?" Al snorted. "What is it, Boss Cat? Is the Labyrinth on fire?"
"Al, do you think you can get some ropes? Better yet, some chains?"
"Hmmm....yeah, I could probably scrounge something like that up in a few hours. Why?"
"Go down the south corridor." instructed Talon. "Follow the trail I've marked for you. You'll find a stone gargoyle that looks a lot like a snake. It'll have a collar with a tag that says 'Claudius'. It attacked Malibu last night. I was lucky that I was able to knock it out long enough for it to still be out at sunrise."
"Gonna be hella pissed when he wakes up." said Al, shoving his feet into a well worn pair of boots. "Malibu alright?"
"Had to break down and take him to Aerie." said Talon. "Turns out that bastard Xanatos is prepared for anything, even snake bites. Malibu will be fine at sunset."
"I should have some chains rustled up long before then." said Al, stretching. "Meantime, you need to go check on your Missus. She got worried when you didn't come home."
"Will do, Al. And thanks." Talon left Al's nook for the series of chambers that he made into a home for his family. It sounded like Maggie was playing her West Side Story soundtrack on the stereo Lexington had wired up for them. He entered the kitchen area to see Claw grinning as he groomed his fur to the tune of "Maria". Maggie was trying to get Lili to eat some applesauce. Lili's face brightened when she saw Talon. "Dada!" she sang out.
"How's Daddy's sweetheart?" Talon asked, picking Lili out of her highchair and hugging her.
"She's not eating because she's worried about a Daddy who didn't come home last night." Maggie said coolly.
"I'm sorry if I worried you, Maggie." Talon put their daughter back in her chair. "Malibu was attacked last night by some strange snake monster. I had to take him to Aerie. I didn't run into Xanatos, but I met this new doctor who works there. I gotta say, I like him far better than Sevarius."
"Do you think Sevarius created the snake monster?" asked Maggie.
"I don't doubt it." Talon sat next to Lili. "It's in stone sleep, so it's got gargoyle blood. I have Al working on a way to confine it."
"Derrick," said Maggie. "If this is a gargoyle, you really shouldn't use 'it'."
"It, sorry, he has a name tag." said Derrick. "Looks like the name's 'Claudius'." Lili made some babbling noises. "Will you eat your breakfast, Lili?" Talon asked, picking up the dish of applesauce. "Look!" He scooped up a spoonful. "Here comes a gargoyle! Whoosh! Whoosh!" He made some swooping moves with the spoon. "Let the gargoyle in!" Lili opened her mouth, letting Talon feed her. "Good girl!" Claw was swaying to the music as the song changed to "Tonight". Talon watched him a while, then turned to Maggie. "He told me he's in love with a girl gargoyle." said Talon. "He tell you anything about her?"
"Her name is Tamora." Maggie said, spooning some more applesauce in Lili's mouth. "And she also bears resemblance to a tiger. Perhaps she's from the London clan."
Talon sat back in his chair and growled uneasily. "Maggie? You're the theater geek. Is there anyone in Shakespeare named Tamora?"
Maggie thought about it while she fed Lili. "Let's see, Tamora, Shakespeare...Oh! Titus Andronicus! It's not Shakespeare's best play. It's all about revenge, rape, dismemberment and death."
"Sounds like your average evening at the movies." said Talon.
"Tamora was the name of the queen of the Goths." said Maggie. "She and Titus were at war, so they lost a lot of sons to each other. Titus avenged the deaths of his sons by sacrificing Tamora's eldest son. A couple of Tamora's sons avenged their brother, on her orders, by raping Titus' daughter and chopping off her hands and tongue. She still manages to let her father know what happened, so he kills the two sons, chops them up and makes a meat pie that he serves to Tamora. Then he kills her. Then her husband kills him, and Titus' remaining son kills him. But at least he gives him a decent burial."
"Cheery." remarked Talon. He sighed heavily. "Maggie, other gargoyle-animal creatures have been sighted. Besides Claudius, there's been a Regan, a Shylock, and an Octavia. Notice a pattern?"
"All Shakespeare characters." said Maggie. "Hamlet, King Leer, The Merchant of Venice, and Anthony and Cleopatra."
"I have a bad feeling about this Tamora." Talon whispered to Maggie.
"Oh, Derrick," Maggie shook her head. "She hasn't done anything but make Claw happier than I've ever seen him.
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"Noah, look out!" Pelagia shouted as she sat up. She hissed at the sudden pain in her side and winced at the constant beeping noise.
"Ah, good, you're up." said a man's voice. She opened her eyes to see a middle aged human man with golden skin, dark hair and eyes shaped like minnows. He was pouring some water from a pitcher to a cup. "Thirsty?" he asked, offering her the glass. Pelagia grabbed the glass and gulped the water down.
"More, please." she asked, holding up the cup. She noted the needle and tube stuck in her hand. "What is this?" she asked.
"It's an I.V. unit." he said, pouring another glass for her. Pelagia gulped the water down. She must've been out of water for a very long time to feel this thirsty. "It replaces most of the fluids you lost." Pelagia held the cup out again. "But, obviously, you need more." He graciously filled the cup again for her. "I'm a surgeon, not an icthyologist, but it looked like your internal organs didn't suffer much damage, though muscle and flesh were sent through the grinder. I hope, miss, that you are not too vain to mind some scarring."
Pelagia shook her head. "Noah." she said. "Is Noah alright?"
The man gestured to the stone gargoyle standing vigil in the corner. "He refused to leave you." he said. "I spent the morning moving things that might get broken when he wakes up. You're Pelagia, right?" She nodded. "I'm Dr. Sato. Noah brought you in after you were attacked by a shark or something like that."
"It couldn't have been a shark." said Pelagia. "We were in a pond. Sharks only swim in oceans."
Dr. Sato smiled and shook his head. "I can't believe it. I just can't believe it! Are you actually a mermaid?"
Pelagia nodded again. "Can you take this ivy off me?" she asked. "I need to submerge myself soon."
Dr. Sato shook his head. "Out of the question. You can't get your stitches wet and you need to be on ivy-er-I.V. for the rest of the day at least. Can you- can you survive without water?"
Pelagia frowned. "Already, I feel an unquenchable thirst." Dr. Sato filled up her cup yet again. "Thank you." she drank. "In a few hours, my skin will feel dry and itchy. My scales might flake. Transforming my tail into legs will be painful, if I can even manage it. I don't know if I'll die from it. None of the merfolk could bear to be without water long enough to know if it were fatal. That we know of, anyway. Some say the merfolk don't die from lack of water, but wish they could."
"Well, I suppose I could talk Fox or Elisa into sponging you down if they're careful about the stitches." Dr. Sato cocked an eyebrow at his bare torsoed patient who had the sheet down about her waist. "But, something tells me you're not big on personal modesty." He noticed that the pitcher was now empty. "I'll just fill this up for you and keep it in reach." He filled the pitcher at the sink. "Kay will just flip when I tell her that Daddy did surgery on a real live mermaid!" he chuckled. "Well, drink your fill, Pelagia. I'll send someone up soon to help you sponge off." As he left, Pelagia decided to skip the cup and chug the contents of the pitcher.
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At sunset, Thailog and Brentwood broke from stone sleep. "Shari!" Thailog bellowed. "The tracking meter!"
Shari knelt before Thailog, presenting him with the meter. "Your Majesty's most desired meter, if it so please your grace!" she said, dripping sarcasm.
"Finally, you learn proper respect!" said Thailog, taking the meter, not noticing Shari was rolling her eyes. "Let's see...Tybalt, Salome, Brutus, Tamora, Goneril and Caliban are just downstairs where they should be. Shylock no longer seems to be in range. I don't like that. Claudius seems to be underground. It looks like he may be held captive in the Labyrinth. Octavia is, well, she looks to be all over the place! From the straight line she's moving in, I'd say she was gliding, but that's impossible. She doesn't have wings. One of Goliath's clan must have her. They're headed for Central Park, exactly where Regan seems to be. She'd better have a damn good explanation for not returning last night!"
"Regan try and run away." said Brentwood. "She try take Octavia and go. Not mind master. Bird face gargoyle keep Brentwood stop her, but Brentwood hurt Bird Face good!"
Thailog smiled and stroked Brentwood's scalp. "That's my little angel." he said. Shari started making some gagging noises. "Anything wrong, Shari?"
"Ah, allergies, Thailog." she said.
"You are dismissed." Shari walked away, not seeing the grotesque face Brentwood made at her back. "Well, Brentwood, let's go see how the others did, shall we?"
Thailog and Brentwood entered the room downstairs. Thailog had decorated this room in the style of an Arabian harem with plush cushions and colorful, gauzey draperies. Brutus was chasing after Salome, who was teasing him with her scarves. Tybalt and Goneril were using a long, flat cushion as a place to have full out sex, ignoring all others present. Caliban was lounging on the floor with his head on a cylindrical cushion. Tamora was gazing out the window, trying to mentally drown out the debauchery occuring just behind her. "Attention!" Everyone stopped what they were doing and immediately stood before Thailog.
Thailog looked at his minions. "It appears already your numbers have been whittled down to six." he said. Let's see if you succeeded in my orders. Ladies first! Tamora, did you manage to seduce the mutate?"
"Yes, I did." she sighed.
"Good." Thailog smiled. "I knew Speak-No-Evil would probably be so desperate for some action he'd even go for your thunder thighs!" He slapped her on the hip and laughed. "Well, go back to him tonight with Caliban. You know what to do." Tamora frowned, but nodded. "Goneril, Salome, did you succeed with Hollywood and Burbank."
"Hollywood nearly crushed me." complained Salome. "He's even fatter than Tamora! And he's no where near as handsome as my beloved father." Salome draped a scarf around Thailog's neck. Brentwood's eyes glowed as he contemplated murder.
"Well done, my dear." Thailog said, stoking her long, white hair. "Goneril, I assumed you had success with Burbank?"
"His beard scratched me." she complained.
"We all have our burdens." Thailog said, stroking her ears. "Brutus, Tybalt, did you succeed in your objective?"
"Yes sir!" said Tybalt. "We got just what you asked for! We got it tied up in the next room!"
"Alive, I hope." said Thailog. "The whelp's no use to me dead."
"Oh, it was alive last we saw it." said Brutus. "And we gave it some milk and toys so it wouldn't make too much noise during the day."
"Let's waste no more time, then!" Brutus and Tybalt led Thailog to the next room. There, a small black and white kitten was tossing about a ball of yarn. A dish was empty save a few drops of milk. "What the hell is that?" asked Thailog.
"It's the kitten you wanted." said Tybalt. "We found it in the Labyrinth, like you said."
Thailog laughed. "Brentwood, did you hear that?" He laughed some more. "When I told them to get me the Kitten from the Labyrinth, they thought I wanted a cat!" Thailog let loose another maniacal laugh as Brentwood joined in. Tybalt and Brutus nervously joined in. "YOU FOOLS!" Thailog pressed two of the buttons on the remote. Tybalt and Brutus screamed in pain as they were shocked by the streams of electricity running through them. "I wanted Elisa Maza the Second, better known as Lili, daughter of Talon and Maggie. If I could get my hands on her, her parents would be at my command! Now, get that animal out of my sight and fetch me the Kitten!"
"Y-yes sir!" they both stammered, walking away.
Thailog smiled at Brentwood. "You know now what you must do, my little angel. As for me, I must track down our wayward friends."
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Miguel combed his hair in the rearview mirror as "Gettin' Jiggy wit It" played on the radio. The paddy wagon he had been ordered to drive to Toronto was now parked outside a McDonald's a few miles north of Albany. He frowned up at the sky that was starting to turn purple. It was getting dark. How was anybody to admire his guapo Latino looks in the dark? He smiled at the mirror and flexed his muscles once more.
"Hey, Miguel!" Jimmy called, coming out of the McDonald's with a take-out bag and two Cokes. "What are you doing?"
"Making sure I look good for all those Canadian chiquitas!" said Miguel, undoing the top button of his police uniform. "Give 'em some of this," He flexed his muscles. "And some of this!" He changed his pose slightly. "One of these days, that Maria Chavez is goin' out with me. But I can't wait cause Officer Miguel Hernandez ain't no waiter!"
"No doubt, Miguel!" he laughed, giving him his Coke. "You think she was telling the truth about that statue thing coming to life at sundown?"
"I don't know, Jimmy." said Miguel, taking a sip of his Coke. "That sounds kinda fucked up. Course, I hear lots of things 'bout these gargoyles. You got my Big Mac?"
"Here ya go." Jimmy gave him the boxed hamburger. The van suddenly lurched as something inside roared. "Dude, what the fuck?" asked Jimmy.
"Bruce must be up and about." said Miguel, taking a bite of his burger.
Jimmy took a Filet O Fish sandwich out of the bag. "I figured he might be hungry. Should I feed him?"
Miguel laughed. "Yeah, esse! Give him that Filet O Fish!"
Jimmy unlocked the back door of the van. "Hey, there, buddy!" he said to the thrashing monster that was chained hand and foot. "You want a nice fish sandwich, buddy?" Jimmy held up the sandwich. "It's got cheese and tartar sauce." Shylock gnashed his teeth. "OK, open wide. Atta boy. You like tha-AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"
"Jimmy?" Miguel laid his hamburger on the seat. "Jimmy, you OK, holmes?" He walked to the back of the van. If Jimmy's screams had worried him, his sudden cease of screaming scared him more. Miguel gulped and grabbed his sidearm. "Jimmy...." Suddenly, a grey monster with soulless black eyes jumped in front of him, with Jimmy's bloody arm dangling from his teeth. "Shit!" Miguel shouted, firing a couple of shots at the monster.
Shylock screamed in pain, dropping the arm in his mouth. The man in front of him was hurting him. Hurting Shylock made him angry. Miguel screamed wordlessly and fired mindlessly as the shark monster pounced on him.
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My Big Fat Gargoyle Wedding