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Neutron's Sexual Experimentations	By : Dickelodeon Category: +G through L > Jimmy Neutron Views: 14996 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Jimmy Neutron or the fandom or anything officially associated with it, and I make no money from this sick shit.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
Disclaimer: By now it should be obvious I don’t own any of these characters, including the ones I’ve killed off in all the prior chapters. Jimmy Neutron Boy Faggot belongs to Viacom and my gory parody is merely intended for shock value and cheap laughs. If rape and murder and dismemberment or really anything offends you now’s your chance to fuck off.
Well here we are, and what an epic battle right?! Bet you didn’t expect me to kill pretty much everyone at once like that. Let’s see, who’s left? We got the Neutrons, Carl, Cindy, Sam… and that’s it, holy shit! Alas we’re right on schedule; in the final five now but there’s a lot left to happen. This part of the story I’ve been waiting a long time to tell, the feds finally step in to address the Jimmy Neutron situation. Now as much as I’m sure we all would enjoy seeing Neutron and 45 duke it out, the plan was to always have Jimmy negotiate with the Bush administration, as it was when the show originally aired. Having the White House’s current occupant sit on the opposite table of this insanely narcissistic demon child that Jimmy Neutron has become would not only legitimize his presidency but would also confuse readers as to who’s supposed to be the bad guy in this scenario. I mean who would you root for? Sorry but as much as I would love to write about Donald Trump getting beaten and raped to death by Jimmy neutron in graphic detail… there’s only room for one “stable genius” in this story, guys. So to sort of celebrate President’s Day…
Dickelodeon presents… Neutron’s Sexual Experimentations, Chapter 16: “The Government Intervenes”
As the dejected, subservient residents of Retroville accepted their fate and lined up before Jimmy Neutron, the Jimmy Juniors dragged the sweaty, poopy Sam before their father. He was coughing and struggling to get up but one of the Jimmy Juniors quickly knocked him back down.
“What do you think, Sam? Was your little rebellion worth it? All these lives, young lives I might add, were all snuffed out thanks to you.” Jimmy Neutron stepped down from his hoverchair, letting his colossal cock slam down on the concrete and sent vibrations through Sam. He lifted it and let it drop next to Sam, then kicked the ice cream scoop off his arm stump. “You made what could have been an easy shift in power into a bloodbath. Why? Why goddamnit?!” Jimmy yelled inches from Sam’s face.
“Why do you think, yeah? After years of treating you and yours like family, you…you burst into my store and harmed me and my customers, yeah! You destroyed everything, yeah! And you… You… you killed Winifred! Oh Winnie… my Winnie” Sam sobbed pathetically. His will to fight was finally gone. Jimmy was confused, “The fuck is this guy talking about?”
“Jimmy, that’s Ms. Fowl,” Carl interjected. He had been silent hoping to minimize any more pandemonium and death and destruction, but he had to step up in defense of the former object of his affections. He knew of the affair the Candy Bar proprietor was engaged in with their teacher, and while he wasn’t pleased with his own position he was happy for their relationship and now understood why Sam did everything he did. As Carl began to weep, Jimmy Neutron just chuckled.
“Wow, you threw your life away over a rotting schoolteacher?” Jimmy Neutron laughed evilly, “You stupid piece of shit, with your girth you would have been perfect ündend-gaerdfen material. Instead, you chose to martyr yourself for a dying cause. Is that how you see yourself, a martyr for the greater good,” Jimmy Neutron sneered down at Sam, who was too defeated to respond. Jimmy spat in his face. “I get it, you fought and lost and you’re ready to die. But you don’t get to die yet, Sam of the Candy Bar. First we’re going to stage you a fitting execution for your self-image.” Jimmy Neutron snapped his fingers and a few moments later Jasper T. Jowls and the Jimmy Juniors arrived with two rafters from the rubble fashioned into a cross.
“No, NO PLEASE NO!” begged Sam but the giant dog scooped him up, nearly dropping him as his wet diarrhea covered body slipped through his grip. He collapsed on top of the cross and still screaming the others held him down. Jimmy Neutron remote controlled Goddard to scout out some nails and something to use as a hammer, and with that Sam was crucified. They gave no mercy and shoved a broken metal spike through what remained of his left arm since there was no hand to pierce. The people held in line were crying and wailing but were too afraid to try and escape. The ündend-gaerdfen propped up Sam’s cross so that he faced the crowd of innocent lives he let down.
“Great, now you’re just gonna hang up there and as you die you can watch me fuck all these good people you failed. BAHAHAHA! Time’s a wasting folks, get your pants down so I can pop in and out!” The audience sadly began removing their clothes and Jimmy Neutron waddled back to his chair. “Oh yeah, set Sam on fire. Not all at once, just slowly. I want him to see as many people as he can.” Then the smirking boy genius slammed his fist onto a button on his chair that extended his penis for ease of fucking. As Jasper lifted a burning shard of debris to ignite the bottom of Sam’s cross, the Jimmy Juniors ran to stand alongside their father.
“Here’s how we’ll do things. You will approach me or one of my sons and we will sort you into the categories. But prepare to be fucked either way!” With that Jimmy blew an airhorn on his chair and the line was pushed forward by Mr. Munch. Jimmy trusted his sons’ judgement and into the late afternoon dicks were cut off, people were raped and several died. Numerous Jimmy Juniors were spawned and they exponentially sped up the process, assisting their father in raping and mutilating everyone in town. Several men were tossed over to Jasper after their initial torture to begin their ündend-gaerdfen training. All the while flames travelled up Sam’s body and he screamed as his valued customers and friends suffered horrible demises. As the guilt weighed heavy on his pounding heart and the scorching fire seared his flesh, the glasses that amazingly stayed on during the entire battle shattered from the intense heat, sending shards of broken glass directly into Sam’s eyes. This cemented the onset of shock that would carry the owner of the Candy Bar to his final breaths.
Carl stayed curled up hugging his silo of diaper filth waiting for this nightmare to be over, but yet every time he opened his eyes more tiny naked Jimmys were running around humping and smacking and pounding everyone as people mutated and ejected fresh Jimmy Juniors from their loins. It was horrible, but not as sickening as the sheer sight of his old friend. With each fuck his dick got thicker and thicker, to where no one could fit more than an inch or two of it inside whatever hole he had chosen until their skin tore. And while he began the assembly line of sex banging up to five people a minute, now it was an even one per minute. He was covered in sweat, moreso than he was during the fiery ambush. Veins pulsed in his forehead and he lazily stared into the sky with a look of strain. Carl knew his friend was not in a good place. Suddenly he noticed a blinking light on the hover chair and decided to rejoin the picture and see if this was of any importance.
“Hey, Jimmy. Your chair is” he began but without even turning his head or even seeming to notice anything around him happening, Jimmy Neutron cut him off.
“Use the diaper Carl… we’ve been over this… how many fucking times now…?” he grunted between thrusts. Carl felt himself getting flustered but knew he would cry if he didn’t quickly contain his emotions.
“Beeping, your chair has a blinking and b-beeping light, Jimmy!” Carl squealed, unintentionally bringing up memories of his now dead friend Sheen, who Jimmy had rechristened “Beep-beep”. He couldn’t help but sniffle and wipe his eyes, but Carl’s outburst did get jimmy’s attention. He shoved off the body of the person he was fucking and pressed some buttons and a screen came up. A cell phone extended out on a robotic extension and Jimmy Neutron listened.
“Uh-huh…yep…I see. No that, that makes sense… Right, understandably so… OK, we’ll get the town ready for his arrival,” Jimmy ended the call rather cordially, and as Carl began to open his mouth to ask for answers, Jimmy whistled to cut through the air. Jasper Jowls approached carrying a bloody whip, and the Jimmy Juniors and Jimmy the Thirds began to swarm their leader.
“Well that explains why the National Guard or some other branch of the military hasn’t destroyed us all yet guys. That was the secretary of state, or the staff secretary or somebody but anyway it was a call from DC. We made national news, everyone! This conflict has been broadcast live on every channel, even Nickelodeon! And it’s so bad that they’re making no demands at all!!!” Jimmy Neutron cheered as the crowd erupted in loud chaotic uproar. But he wasn’t done with the bizarre news developments.
“Instead, they want a parley! Can you believe this shit? President Bush is out of the country doing some tea party with the globalists in Switzerland or whatever, but he’s due back in 3 days and we’re immediately next on his schedule!” The army of monsters Jimmy Neutron cultivated clapped and shouted, thinking the best of this news. Even some of the victims who lost hope suddenly had a renewed desire to live – the President would never abandon them in times of true disaster. Carl didn’t know what to think; the overwhelming day made it impossible for him to focus on a single thought for long before remembering his family was dead. But since his reaction could blend in with the jubilated crowd, he finally bawled his eyes out and collapsed on the floor, filling his diaper as he did.
Meanwhile Jimmy had been assigning his minions – sons, ündend-gaerdfen officers and cadets, and the hundreds of prisoners still waiting for their torture – to various roles cleaning up and reconstructing the town. Those who had yet to be fucked or sent to ündend-gaerdfen training were told to wait as Jimmy Neutron pulled Jasper aside. Jimmy’s chair hovered over the sobbing Carl and he merely shook his head as he led his dog man accomplice down an alley to talk.
“Jasper T. Jowls, I won’t soon forget how you rushed to launch screaming kids to their deaths for me. That right there is true loyalty, something I thought I could count on my best friend for but perhaps I was wrong,” Jimmy Neutron put his arm around the dog and glanced over at the sulking lad. “Don’t tell the Wheezer faggot yet because I don’t want him killing himself or anything but you shall be promoted to the new commander of the ündend-gaerdfen. Poor bitch is still crying over Beep-beep… He’ll restart as a private and maybe earn a captain rank if he proves himself during his role in the plan. In addition to your promotion you can fuck any 3 bitches or men, I don’t care which. I’ll let your seed flow if it means more loyal henchmen like you, Jasper.”
“You honor me, Jimmy Neutron,” Jasper T. Jowls said humbly, “I will proudly lead your ündend-gaerdfen to further the Neutron regime. And I appreciate your other offer but I was fixed before touring with Charles Edgar Cheese’s band. Wasn’t appropriate for the guitarist to run around with a woody humping everybody. Besides, huh… I’m a robot.” The man in the dog costume rolled up his sleeve to reveal cybernetic implants.
“No shit! Well why didn’t you say so? Have some Cheese brothers look up your blueprints and get them faxed to Vox. Tonight I’ll copy your source code and I’ll make 3 more of you,” Jimmy Neutron grinned and went on, “I liked the ways the narrator misspelled your name last chapter so I’ll reuse those and that way we can tell them apart.” Jimmy Neutron smiled and then looked over the dozens of Jimmy Juniors that were still beating and molesting everyone.
“But we still have hours of daylight, and the President will be here in 3 days. So let’s finish up this fucking and then officially begin the Neutron World Order in time for his arrival. We rebuild Retroville tomorrow!” He declared and got back to the raping.
The hustle and bustle over Retroville the next few days produced plumes of smoke as charred building shells and destroyed vehicles were swept away and reconstructed, but on the day Air Force One soared overhead the city looked brand new. The feeling in the air was of a bleak future that one might expect in a world run by a boy genius with a dick three times the size of his head that was already twice as big as his body. The size of his dick was only matched by his ego, with his likeness sculpted in multiple statues honoring himself on every street corner. Most monuments included replicas of his penis, built at various scales and sizes since its shape and girth was ever changing. And the streets were overrun with Jimmy Neutrons, several riding rabid mombies (that’s what we’re calling the zombified results of the people impregnated by and forced to birth Jimmy Juniors) Even though it was initially only the original Jimmy Neutron could rape people into these mombies and create the clones, in the amount of time since taking over the original 2 Jimmy Juniors had matured and also gained this ability, and together they had replaced the entire town’s population with the James Ballsack Neutron seed.
Air Force One landed in the open field that had not been redeveloped since the Retroville Civil War wiped out the existing establishments. In place of the Candy Bar was a grand new structure that also covered the land Chuck E. Cheese’s originally stood. The facility was the official headquarters for the Neutron regime. Ündend-gaerdfen training and civilian raping and torture happened round the clock on both upper floors and underground levels. An office much smaller in height housed several mice – orphaned members of the Cheese family enslaved to doing the paperwork. And of course the main floor held above the ground by dozens of palazzos held the brand new Candy Bar that served hot fresh dick-kabobs, roast caribou, cum pies and of course Poopy Flurp. Outside the palace was a statue of Sam hanging on the cross Jesus style.
As President George W. Bush stepped off the plane flanked by Dick Cheney and numerous secret service agents, they took silent notice of the dystopian town that had been crafted from the battleground they watched on TV. But all the men were visibly shaken when a tank-like machine rolled out from the giant building. It was manned by Jimmy Neutron, whose boner was now the size of a full grown man. Sliding tables, cup holders and other tools surrounded the beastly looking boy so that all his business could be conducted from his chair, which was now housed in the tank until he could craft a new flying vehicle to support his massive weight. As the tank rolled it powered a Jacuzzi like structure that bubbled his nuts and kept the sperm flowing. Even now his dick dripped with scalding hot semen. From behind the machine clambered Goddard. Jimmy had upgraded his design so now he resembled a monitor (you know what I’m talking about those huge ass reptiles) Goddard aimed his laser eyes from agent to agent but remained civil – a successful show of muscle to bolster the boy genius’ presence. Below the throbbing cock extended a ramp that Jimmy then motioned the President of the United States to ascend to greet him.
“It’s great to meet you, Mr. President,” huffed Jimmy Neutron, giving a welcoming tone but not letting his guard down as he rose to shake Bush’s hand.
“Likewise, Jimmy Nuetron” smiled George W. Bush, “I love your show, that brain blast thing you do? Man, I do like that and it gets me out of all kinds a shit.” He enthusiastically said. “Now before we do anything else, what the fuck do your parents feed you, boy?” Bush blustered glancing down at the gigantic boner before him.
“My parents don’t feed me anything, sir. My dad gets raped to death every night by a caribou and my mom fled town after I forced my best friend onto her. If you’re asking how I became blessed with such an endowment it’s a rather long story,” Jimmy Neutron responded, forcing a grin. “I understand you had a conference in Europe and got to me post haste.”
“When there’s a distress call from my home state of Texas, it becomes urgent business. Dipping out on those UN guys woulda looked bad but it looks like the time it took me to get back gave you enough time to clean up your mess. Better than FEMA I’ll tell you that.” George Bush elbowed Jimmy Neutron and the men shared a laugh before Jimmy continued.
“And I’ve also had a tremendously busy week busting out of jail, taking over Retroville and fucking everyone in this shithole town so why don’t we move this meeting into the Candy Bar”
“Sounds fantastic,” said the president. “I’m impressed with all this, not what I expected considering the yelp reviews.” Platforms extended on Jimmy’s tank for the secret service agents while Dick Cheney climbed aboard Goddard. A guest seat was available alongside Jimmy so George Bush sat down and took the whole establishment in as the tank slowly rolled them to the dining area.
“Well, the bar is under new management now so I doubt our menu will disappoint.” Jimmy noticed the president eyeing the Sam statue and felt he should provide context. “That there honors the founder, who ended up being the last man standing in resistance of me. Well so to speak, he got tased and pooped himself and one of my sons butt raped him while he was down but he died with a few scraps of honor, and there’s a lot to be said about the last one against an armada. To be truly helpless and at the mercy of everything in your universe. He represents the American dream in a way” Jimmy mused as Jasper T. Jowls arrived with menus and Carl came dragging his diaper silo yards behind. “Anyone can rise up, start a business… find his place in life before taking up arms in defense of what he thinks is the greater good all to die a martyr and example to a future generation…of what not to do? You follow me, Mr. President?”
“Absolutely, son. I don’t know if you’ve been to DC lately but do you know how hard it is to get a statue of yourself around there. Every one of those things honors someone who’s too dead to even notice,” the president’s joke got a few throaty cackles out of Jimmy Neutron. Bush went on, “Here you got statues of you all over the place. The folks here must love ya.” Jimmy used that to segue into explaining to the president and his entourage a watered down version of events that led to his deformities. He cast himself as a victim who received a new calling to upgrade humanity with his genius abilities, and all these agents of evil like Chuck E. Cheese and his parents have gotten in the way of a better tomorrow. Leaving out of course all the visceral carnage from his experiments, how many children and public servants were raped and murdered during a horrendous testosterone fueled rampage. Since the president watched his show he didn’t have too hard of a time selling the pitch. But after catching George W. Bush up on all the events he wished to review came the part of the conversation Jimmy was dreading.
“Well my boy, you really have the most unique self-made American hero story out there. To go from being bullied every day to ruling your own hometown, I have to admire the ambition and satisfaction you have.” George Bush bit into the fried brain and eggs he had been served. “Not like I know how that is being born into this powerful ass family but for the events that transpired to have… transpired, well let’s just say I’ll have to ask the pope next time I see him if he agrees with me that God must’ve tipped the table your way.” He took a big gulp of Poopy Flurp. “See, clearly, Jimmy Neutron, you’re onto something huge here. I’ve never seen someone with all your gadgetry and knowhow before anyhow and then you come in here with a dick bigger than my dirtbike! You could usher in a new age son, but the problem is that historically what you’ve done here doesn’t really work out. More daring leaders have experimented with it before, uh… Eugene-etics I think they call it? Thing is no matter how far you get in cleansing the population, as soon as people find out about it they go making noise and with all the terrorizers out there nowadays…well that’s what people might think you are if the true extent of what’s going on here got out. I don’t want America to see Jimmy Neutron in the same boat with Saddam and Osama bin Laden, you understand?” Bush put his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder, who sighed. Turns out George W. wasn’t the warmongering monster or reincarnation of Hitler that Jimmy had hoped he was. He was just dumb. Hoping to use this to his advantage, Jimmy Neutron proceeded.
“So then, why have you come here? I mean, you guys definitely could’ve reclaimed Retroville if you wanted but you let the ündend-gaerdfen hold it nearly four days now? Where’s that tough on crime domestic policy to match the foreign dealings?” Jimmy said, trying to control his whine for a successful poker face. George Bush ate his last bit of brain and stood up.
“You see, these wars overseas ain’t working out so good for me, and so for us to go pushing another war on American soil wouldn’t play well to either the right or the left. I don’t wanna take the town you fought so hard for, I respect you Jimmy Neutron and don’t want any more Americans to die over a tug of war game for Retroville. But you’re going to need a more unifying reason for taking over a town in this manner if you want America to back you up.”
“Oh absolutely, I understand. After all I care about America, because that’s what this is all about. What I’ve done in Retroville… is a message for not just the wonderful state of Texas, but for all the great states in this glorious…glorious nation…to be united” by this point Jimmy was just rambling patriotic buzzwords as he mentally scrambled for a new reason to justify his bloodshed. This was a lot easier when his good actions outweighed the bad. Like even in the good old days with the crazy beginning of Jimmy Neutron’s wacky adventures when he got the attention of a hostile alien race and every adult in town was abducted and nearly eaten thanks to his poor decision making, even that huge fuck up was forgiven. He would’ve pondered why that was but he didn’t need to muse on the subject or prattle on any further – his flash back gave him an idea. But rather than do his signature brain blast, he paused mid-sentence and after a beat thrust his hands forward and simply declared “aliens.” On that note Goerge W. Bush leaned in with keen interest, and Dick Cheney nearly choked on his dick kabob. Hook, line and sinker.
“You gentlemen have seen my debut escapade, right? The one they put in theaters?” Jimmy said, his dong throbbing at the mention of his past successes.
“Absolutely, that was a good movie,” George W. Bush affirmed. Dick Cheney nodded in agreement. “You don’t mean those aliens, do you?”
“I’m afraid so,” Jimmy sighed, “Admittedly it was my fault alerting them to Earth’s existence a few years ago but King Goobot has a vendetta now. They’re a vindictive bunch and won’t rest until they’ve truly bested me it seems.” As Jimmy spoke George Bush angrily ground up his eggs with a fork.
“But you beat those egg bastards in space easily. No offense to you youngins’ but if you guys can take them there’s no way they’d last a minute if they landed on American soil!” Bush declared hopefully. Jimmy Neutron shook his head.
“I’m afraid our victory was more of a narrow escape, Mr. President,” he somberly said, “we outmaneuvered them, plain and simple. Beep-beep, I mean Sheen, miraculously got control of a ship and my untested prototype didn’t kill me. The entire operation ran on hope and luck.”
“Wasn’t there an episode where they came here already?” Dick Cheney grumbled in a callback. “That’s right!” crowed the president, “You made that chicken monster blow up just by drinking soda! That was hilarious. I’ll call Pepsi, Coke and whoever makes this Poopy Flurp shit and we’ll get an ass load!” George W. Bush was about to dial some calls on his cell phone but Jimmy waved his hand.
“They’ll see such a defense coming; now that they know we know Poultra’s weakness, they’ll either come with no Poultra at all or a Poultra ass load to match and there won’t be enough soda in the world to stop them,” Jimmy grimly muttered. “And they’ll surely send enough soldiers to take me out for good, and with me gone…” he trailed off hoping Bush would fill in his desired closing, but the American President stared confusedly. “Then they’ll take over AMERICA” With this forceful declaration, Bush appeared shaken and seemed to consider his options as leader of the free world.
“Oh, oh oh! I understand. So that’s the purpose of this… mass reproduction effort you had the other day?” George Bush asked, putting together Jimmy’s sham story for him.
“Precisely,” Jimmy boasted, his shaft reaching an incredible new length as it rose to eye level. “You see, due to the mutations I experienced from my do-it-yourself dick surgery, I have the superior genes at last. Before I was a genius capable of anything but raising his height… and being attracted... attractive, I mean, to women… but now…” the gaps between Jimmy Neutron’s words became longer as his skin turned red and his cock pulsed and pints of sperm bubbled off the tip. “Fuck, I’m sorry guys, we’re gonna have to take a break from this meeting for a second…”
“Is everything all right, Jimmy?” the President of the United States asked with bewildered concern. The secret service had been informed of the powers of Jimmy Neutron’s semen, so they formed a human barrier to protect George W. Bush from the bursts of precum. One glob landed on a man’s neck and it seared a hole through to his trachea and nearly made him bleed out before it cooled into a disgusting goiter. The man passed out nonetheless and the others drew weapons.
“Yeah, no, see… ugh, Jesus… having four balls means pr-producing… twice the testosterone… twice as fast and… and with math and all it’s just… GOD WHERE THE FUCK IS CINDY???!!” Jimmy bellowed. Jasper’s three sons – Japspar, Japsat and Japsaper – were all struggling to lead the Vortex girl over as she was resisting their goading. “Basically I make so much cum that I… I gotta bang at least one out an hour… or else it enters any free space or… b-body cavity it can until it… GAAAAHHHHH it just, it starts leaking out my ears and nose and… and mouth pretty much every orifice it’s… extremely disgusting so just UGH…” Jimmy slammed his fist on the desk, spilling a virgin Poopy Flurp all over his pulsing lap. Cindy was finally in his line of sight, naked as the day she was born, but more empowered than ever she continued to pull from Japspar and Japsaper Jowls. Despite her forehead being caved in, her wound was nearly healed and there was fury in her eyes.
“It’s boater, Fizzy Juice-tron!” she blubbered, still unable to form the correct words but getting close. “The predicate… per-person will… Blister Incident, he kills seagulls…?” Cindy’s tone was an uncomfortable blend of frustration and confusion. All the while Jimmy was getting redder and more agitated. And beyond belief, even harder.
“SHUT UP YOU STUPID WHORE!!!” yelled Jimmy Neutron. A dribble of semen slid down from his nostril. George Bush had no idea what to make of the bizarre scene. “Jesus Christ, when was the last time I punched that cunt?!” Jimmy growled.
“N-not since the S-S-Civil War,” stammered a frightened Carl.
“Diaper, Carl!” Jimmy barked back, but rubbed his chin and said, “Must not have… been for NNGHHH… A FEW DAYS!!!” Jimmy Neutron shrieked and clutched his scrotum hoping to control his monster loins. “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE, GET ON MY DICK BITCH!”
“F-firetruck hoagie do, Biminy… Goose…Bronn?” Cindy mumbled with a sadness in her voice. As much as she mourned her best friend Libby and the rest of her class, deep down Cindy Vortex felt sorriest for her tormentor. Not in the Stockholm syndrome way but she wept for the potential of great scientific advancements and acts of humanitarianism to the species Jimmy Neutron had that he had tossed away for his life of violent deviance. She clawed at her head at a frantic loss, desperately trying to regain her lost motor skills and do something, anything. Meanwhile the veins and sweat that covered Jimmy’s swollen forehead told Carl – who had been trying to silently enjoy his penis butter and KY jelly sandwich in spite of his fears and anguish – that it was time to look away. Using all his strength, Jimmy arched his body over his dick and grunted in twisted anguish as his weight applied much needed pressure to his blood stuffed member. He grabbed Cindy with both hands but once he tilted back he was able to lift her into a sitting position on his cock, facing him.
“YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING!!” wailed the maniac. Pinning her to his groin with his left hand crushing her windpipe, he landed a powerful blow to her face that also thrust his boner down sending a mighty fine series of sensations up and down the dick.
Upon recoil all but 2 of Cindy’s teeth fell out, and when he raised her by the neck an eyeball popped out and hung from the optic nerve and her head crumpled over to signify her skull had been shattered beyond possible medical reconstruction. Jimmy’s rage was only stifled as he proceeded to use this toy to stimulate himself – something Cindy should have done on her own.
“YOU SHOULD BE SUCKING!!!” He boomed as he kneaded her head against his cock, the friction tearing apart her skin and letting shards of the girl’s skull scrape his skintight… skin. “SO NOW YOU’RE DEAD!!!!!!!!” Jimmy Neutron furiously ran Cindy’s smushed head up and down his dick as if he were scrubbing something against a washboard or using a cheese grater. As blood and brain matter began splattering off the abomination happening before them, all the secret servicemen abandoned their post and ran for cover as Jimmy Neutron’s gruesome sex act began to shake the foundation and sent gallon-size globs of cock sauce onto nearby tables and chairs. George W. Bush ducked behind the bar and Dick Cheney stood alongside a table, watching with perverse interest.
With an animalistic growl and Cindy’s head ground to a bloody neck stump, Jimmy wrapped Cindy’s arms around his megaboner as tightly as he could until a powerful orgasm threw his body back up against the wall. Enough cum to fill a backyard swimming pool exploded from Jimmy Neutron’s cock and obliterated the building’s structure as blobs with the weight of cars pelted the wall. The ceiling sloped but enough of the surrounding wall and a few supports remained so that it didn’t entirely collapse on top of them. Slowly the president approached the scene, staring down his secret service as they too tiptoed towards Jimmy Neutron.
Carl uncovered his eyes and leaked a little liquid poop upon seeing the damage done to the restaurant and Cindy’s gored remains. Jimmy shook his dick as if drip drying after a piss until the body collapsed on top of the rubble. The tub that monitored his nut temperature had reset and while things were calming down, Jimmy’s anger continued to thrash through his circulatory system.
“I am DONE with that dirty whore! Jesus, she should’ve realized I can make anyone my bottom bitch. Step out of place around me, and DIE!!” cried Jimmy. He kicked the corpse and continued to breathe harshly as his guests picked their chairs back up and returned to their seats. “Sorry about that guys, dirty work tends to come up extra often given my um… condition…”
“That was astounding!” chuffed Dick Chiney, who conspicuously had puffs of smoke escaping his mouth with each syllable. “We need to weaponized your ability here my boy!”
“Oh, I’m waaay ahead of ya, Dick. I literally grow a cup size every day. Hell, they don’t even make junk protectors big enough for me so I’ve been working on a new fleet for when I continue to evolve, as well as more for my children as they mature,” he said grandly, having regained his composure.
“So that explains everything,” the vice president growled, “You really HAVE tapped into a new megahuman DNA sequence! Your little experiment just gave us the key to warning,” Dick Cheney paused to clear his throat and cough up more smoke. “Sorry, winning the war. All the war!!” As the reason for the vice president’s fascination in the gory rape and murder Jimmy Neutron committed became clear to everyone, what wasn’t clear was how even after all the smoke from the orgasm blast cleared there were still clouds surrounding him and only him.
Jimmy Neutron was more worried that the military elites would push an agenda that mattered less than his own, so he tried to deflect but still use the vice president’s guess in his haphazardly produced narrative. “All through experimentation, my friends. But surely you understand there’s a greater threat and… more experimentation is required,” he said with his excitement quickly returning. He sat down and tried to contain himself as he realized the president was more focused on Cheney.
“Everything all right there, Dick?” George asked, pointing to an expanding dark stain on the vice president’s suit. “Oh, fucker,” mumbled Dick Cheney, “uh, don’t worry, it’s only motor oil.”
“Uh, what the hell is happening? Like, does this happen?” Jimmy Neutron cried incredulously.
“It’s his damn robot heart,” grumbled George, who sadly looked to his second in command. Cheney explained, “Yeah, the thing keeps blood pumping but breaks down a lot. I could get this new eco-friendly model but I refuse to give into those liberal bastards, my oil pump stays in until the LORD comes calling me.” Jimmy Neutron snickered and wanted to tell him there was no god, but he knew this could become leverage. Both men sat back down and Dick Cheney blew out the last of his smoke. George Bush folded his hands before him.
“So these… Jimmy Juniors you call them… they have inherited these powers from you?” Bush asked with curiosity, eyes darting between the Jimmy Juniors and Jimmy the Thirds that staffed the Candy Bar and survived the blasts.
“Don’t worry, none of them have reached the near nuclear capabilities of my own cumshot, but I haven’t sired all these lads. As they mature they’ve gained reproductive abilities so I assume as they grow they can harness similar loads. Jimmy Jr number 2 and Jimmy Jr number 3 are only 4 days old after all and remind me of me as I was a week ago.
“Wait, what about the first Jimmy Junior?” piped up the vice president.
“Oh I killed him,” Jimmy Neutron replied without hesitation or inflection, “Yeah, had to crush his head for being an insolent prick. He was too much like the old man, hehe.” George Bush sat back ready to talk. Jimmy felt like if he wasn’t seen as their equals yet, it’s because he was already their acknowledged superior.
“Now this was part of your plan then, to uh, fend off these Yolkians with this master race of uh, you know, Jimmy Juniors?” Bush said diplomatically. Although he hadn’t planned on spawning this early, he had come pretty far and Bush’s assumption fit not only what he had done but what he eventually hoped to do, so he ran with it.
“Absolutely. There’s no way I can take on an alien armada all by myself even if they are a bunch of gay egg creatures. I’m only a kid,” humbly decreed the boy who had moments earlier demonstrated his ejaculate’s ability to melt steel. “And as near perfect of specimens my sons turned out to be, I also don’t think the current population of my town can hold them off when the aliens arrive no matter how fast we multiply within… even with the government’s aid…” Jimmy played a card from his father this time, who was a noted gambler. Hugh always told Jimmy if you can make the bet, risk it all to get it all.
“You’re saying you need to… expand this experimenting beyond Retroville?” Bush asked with a quiver after a glance to his vice president, who was coughing up antifreeze from the chamber’s cooling unit. Steam fizzed from Dick Cheney’s ears and he couldn’t get in his two cents without more fluid leakage. Jimmy Neutron just hid his smile as he nodded.
“I’m afraid so. My mission received a lot of setbacks. I should’ve had a horde large enough to conquer China by now but that bastard Charles Edgar Cheese the Third forced my celibacy and my late start has us majorly unprepared.
“When HAUGH AHH! Are they c- coming?” spluttered Dick Cheney between coughs. The question almost knocked Jimmy off his song and dance but he was picking up on the language of vagueness.
“That’s the problem, I don’t know. But soon. Hell, I’m wasting time as it is right now… no offense of course.” As the two powerful men pondered what Jimmy Neutron was asking, Carl just stared in awe as the monster his best friend had become was now successfully manipulating the leader of the free world into cooperating with his mass annihilation and ethnic cleansing. Secretly Carl had hoped the President of the United States would have objected in some way to Jimmy Neutron’s brand of terrorism, and would do something to at least curtail the reign of madness, or maybe get some justice for his lost parents. Everyone’s thinking was interrupted by Dick Cheney’s raspy bursts of engine fluid and exhaust plumes. Finally, George Bush spoke.
“All right all right, I tell you what. My Congress is a little divided on you; half of them think your small fish and don’t care if you keep Retroville for now and the others have wanted you to go boom-boom since last week. And that side has FBI, everything I mean… This alien invasion… situation might sway some opinions…” Bush went on with broad hand gestures, not expecting to be making such drastic Executive orders during his meeting with Jimmy Neutron. “In the meantime, draw up a list of say… 50 cities. Now, they don’t have to be one per state since we’re low on time but pick some stops and plan a tour. By the time I get all the paperwork going we’ll be on the same page and it’ll go to a vote.”
“I must say, this is quite a generous offer,” beamed Jimmy Neutron, blood already returning to his swollen member. But he remained thinking with his real head. “…What’s the catch?”
“Well more than likely it’ll be deadlocked and Dick will have to break the tie,” George said turning to his coughing friend. “I love Dick and he knows best but he just won’t upgrade that mechanical heart of his by going green and I’m worried he may not hold out full term with a gas unit.”
“I see…” pondered Jimmy Neutron. The gamble was working to his benefit more than he could have hoped. “So you’re proposing I set your partner up with a replacement that still runs on oil and doesn’t give in to environmentalists but also actually keeps him alive?”
“Exactly!” cheered the President of the United States. “See I was thinking you’d have some other wild high tech new-fangled option but boy if this not only keeps my Dick around but also one ups the tree huggers and helps big oil – Oooh, Al Gore is gonna be PISSED! I knew we understood each other Jimmy Neutron.”
“Say no more,” smiled the boy genius, growing quite comfortable in the casual nature of his discourse with the commander in chief. “I’ll head downstairs and do you one better – whip up a whole oil burning unit that’ll power Dick Cheney long enough to win 3 world wars!” Jimmy Neutron shooed everyone off his tank and as he shifted it into motion dust and debris fell around. “This shouldn’t take long, in the meantime my assistant and longtime best friend Carl shall keep you entertained, though I hope you don’t mind the smell.” As the tank trundled past Jimmy grimaced upon seeing the waste silo had been cracked and dented. Luckily only vapors were escaping so he quickly remote-controlled the monitor Goddard to go laser shut the busted metal. The scary red beams pushed Carl to approach the president. At first he was simply too nervous. The wheezing child could only hyperventilate being in spitting distance of George W. Bush. The man had seen a lot of crazy shit today, more so than his entire time yet in office, but Holy Mother of God did this weird kid reek. As President Bush began backing away Carl excitedly reintroduced himself and seized on his moment of holding such a powerful audience. He proceeded to tell a rather pointless and gay story about how his mom didn’t vote for him in the 2000 election, but his dad did.
“Haha, that’s great, young man. I appreciate your father’s vote and even if your mother backed a loser, she lived in the state I was governor!” George Bush guffawed and heartily slapped Carl on the back despite the boy’s rancid filth. “Her opinion only counted in Florida, Carl. None of it ever mattered!”
“Yeah, I guess not,” Carl wheezed sadly, “Especially since they’re both dead now.”
“Well I’m sorry to here that, Carl Wheezer,” the President of the United States changed his tone to more consoling, “Did they perish in the fighting over Retroville?” Carl could only nod. Holding his nose with one hand Bush rested the other on the lad’s shoulder and leaned in close. “Son, I know it’s hard to see the bigger picture now. But I think your friend has a beautiful mind – a true gift to humanity. This could be the start of a new dawn for man, and while your family paid a terrible price, their sacrifice won’t be in vain. They died to help your best friend Jimmy Neutron, and once all the wars are over and the new America that Jimmy Neutron has pictured in that colossal brain of his prospers over all… I’m telling ya Carl, it will make you forget all this sorrow you’re feeling now.” As he stood up Carl was frozen speechless. “Time heals everything boy. I mean hell, I let 911 happen and look at me now. You can’t carry shit around like that, it’s not healthy…”
In classically perfect Jimmy Neutron timing Jimmy returned with Dick Cheney’s new robotic body. It resembled the Lost in Space robot only instead it looked like it was made of garbage. In fact Carl was pretty certain its main body was a trashcan. But it beeped and whirred and had mechanical attachments and lights so it won the president’s astonishment.
“My word, this is excellent!” Bush cheered. “What do you think, Dick? Shall I get surgery on the docket for next week?” Dick Cheney was still too busy coughing to protest but shook his head to try and communicate his feelings. Jimmy Neutron would have none of that and had his tank rumble closer to the vice president.
“There’s no need for that, Bush,” Jimmy declared, “I was thinking of doing a quick operation right here to save time and taxpayer money.” Dick Cheney tried to back away but slipped in his oil pile and landed right at Jimmy’s feet. “After all, I have four balls now meaning I’m four times the man and four times as strong!” His math and basic knowledge of human anatomy were muddied out by raging hormones. Jimmy Neutron took Dick Cheney’s head in his hands and with a mighty tug yanked the vice president’s head clean off. I mean not clean, blood vessels burst like disconnecting air hoses showering them both in gore, it was horrific but you know what I mean.
Without a wasted motion Jimmy Neutron slam dunked Dick Cheney’s decapitated noggin right onto the dish that would serve as a collar for his new mechanical self. After a stunned silence, George W. Bush began clapping.
“Wonderful! Aw, he looks cool as shit. How you feeling, Dick?”
“Beep-bop-boop-beep,” the vice president responded. Carl felt a warm wetness in his diaper but the two men just smiled. Jimmy climbed down and mounted Goddard to lead the party outside.
“Perfect,” Jimmy Neutron exclaimed. “He’ll do all you need him to and we’ll set up a strategy for taking over the world!” Bush’s excited smile turned to confusion, but before he could ask if he heard that right Jimmy restarted. “I mean save the world… and stop THEM from taking over… the, the world I mean.” To Jimmy’s delight the bumbling commander-in-chief laughed.
“Haha no worries, I know, picking words and shit gets tough. Fortunately other people pick ‘em out for you when you got power. You’ll like the tele-prompters, they do this cool projecty thing,” Jimmy laughed at the simplicity of the free world’s leader. As much as he wanted to continue chumming it up with the 43^rd American president his secret service and the Jowls children were ushering the men onto the tarmac. Dick Cheney beeped as he rolled up to the plane.
“Well, we best be heading back to DC and get things rolling,” Bush boomed over the sounds of the engine starting. “Glad we could clear this all up, Jimmy. I look forward to fighting alongside you in the wars to come.” He extended his hand and Jimmy Neutron once again shook hands with the President of the United States and felt more like his equal than ever before.
“The feelings are mutual, George. Have a safe flight!” Jimmy said trying to sound cool and friendly.
“Don’t call me George,” George W. Bush said as he boarded Air Force One and the plane prepared for takeoff. Fighting back feelings of anxiety over perhaps soiling their relationship, Jimmy motioned for Goddard to ride them back into his headquarters.
“I did it! YES!!! Oh, holy fuck! What a fucking moron. He’s such a fucking idiot, I can’t believe how easy that was!” Jimmy Neutron danced a happy jig as Jasper Jowls and the new senior ranked ündend-gaerdfen surrounded him to await orders. Carl couldn’t stay silent anymore; if the president wouldn’t stand up to Jimmy Neutron, someone finally needed to.
“Jimmy, how could you do that?” He wailed. Jimmy coldly reminded him to use his diaper before even letting him finish so Carl continued. “You lied to the president!”
“Who gives a fuck?! He was probably lying to me, too! Men with power always want more and always have some sort of scheme to get it. We adapted to each other’s needs and formed a better plan than I coulda hoped for! 50 cities motherfucker!!!” The dogs, mice and soldiers all cheered. “This is good Carl, we won!”
“But there’s no Yolkians coming, Jimmy! Or is there and you haven’t told me yet?” Carl didn’t know which thought stressed him out more, the invasion being real or not, but Jimmy just burst out laughing and the relief he felt from it being a fabrication was short lived.
“No of course not you dumbass! But it doesn’t matter. They don’t know when, they don’t know where… that’s all MY INFORMATION!!” he screamed. “And I’ll sit on it and keep saying soon until my saplings spread out and take over the other cities Bush didn’t just hand to us. So I’ll take over America anyway and of course the rest of the world not long after, and who’s gonna remember this talk even happened by then?! ONLY JIMMY NEUTRON!!!!” Everyone else in the building who shared Jimmy Neutron’s name and DNA erupted in whoops and screams. Carl knew he was outnumbered and since there was no way he could beat them he silently chose to stay joined to the shell of his friend and conquest for world domination. “All right Jasper, get me a list of the most populated cities. We’ll hit at least the top 25 and then once we have a map laid out we’ll fill the gaps with the rest.” As Jasper got to work and began marking known hotspots, Carl became worried and confused. He approached Jimmy Neutron shaking.
“Wh-what do you want me to do, Jimmy?” he peeped with a wavering voice.
“I want you to shit in your god damn diaper, Carl. Because if this doesn’t work I’ll still need your crap to snuff out the traitors. So unless you wanna join those traitors with your last breath being your own ass aroma then I suggest you find some espresso or laxatives maybe and get to fucking business!!” After jimmy’s tirade Carl had to recoup himself for the next question.
“B-b-but aren’t I commander of your uh…under GERD fan?” As Carl attempted the word he noticed a familiar vein bulge in Neutron’s forehead, and a pulse of energy pumped down his junk.
“YOU CAN’T EVEN PRONOUNCE IT YOU NUMBSKULL!!! It’s ÜNDEND-GAERDFEN!!!!! You were the commander until you acted like a fucking pussy on the battlefield, all because I decided to throw away Beep-beep! You’re such a PUSSY, you stupid faggot!” Jimmy screamed and berated Carl, “My future reign was on the line and you wussed out hugging your own big can of shit! I can’t have representing me as the top dog, my example to my royal army! You have to learn how to be a soldier. Jasper T. Jowls is the head of the Ündend-gaerdfen now because he had what it took to lead us to victory. He’s a real top dog. That’s why he’s sired three heirs and will sit beside me at all future diplomatic endeavors.” Jimmy Neutron then turned his chair around for the final time and didn’t even look at Carl Wheezer as he said his coldest remark yet. “Crying like a fucking baby, it’s not like your parents were over there getting blown up or anything. Take a page from the book of Jimmy Neutron and grow a pair!!”
Something in Carl’s head snapped, knowing his friend wasn’t even aware of his family’s demise and would likely have continued to berate him if he did. He didn’t bother informing him. This horrible twisted relationship of theirs was going to continue until one or both of them died. Carl decided he was done waiting. So instead he ran up to Jimmy Neutron, and the boy rapist turned back around just in time for Carl to wrap his hands tightly around Jimmy’s throat. Even with all the hideous body mutations that he had undergone this past month, Jimmy Neutron still had a pretty scrawny neck like most of the other characters in this universe, and using all his latent retard strength Carl kept an iron grip as he plopped onto his best buddy’s chest. Jasper Jowls and the Ündend-gaerdfen all went to draw their weapons but then they remembered that in spite of the despot’s other downfalls Jimmy Neutron had succeeded in eradicating guns. This was primarily because he was content with his gadgets and his cock. So instead they all just watched, not sure what to do in this bizarre situation especially since Jimmy Neutron’s penis was larger now than it had been all day. As color drained from Jimmy’s face Carl maintained his clutch over the trachea. For a few moments both children thought he would really do it and kill the supreme dickhead right there. But unbeknownst to Carl, the warm feeling running around his butt was neither a bowel movement nor the adrenaline from fight or flight. Jimmy Neutron’s mastodonic cock had rubbed a hole right thru the uber-durable material he had fabricated the diaper from, and the intense sensations from their actions reached an all-time high for them both. Carl was in pure joy getting his butt massaged and strangling Jimmy Neutron all at once. Jimmy’s eyes began rolling around in opposite direction, and Carl just assumed it began raining when his victim’s bladder released and Jimmy’s 10 foot tall dick started dripping urine all over the faces from above. Unable to hold onto his rage, Carl didn’t let go but instead – feeling overcome by the love for Jimmy he had lived his entire life with – he planted a wet slobbery kiss on Jimmy Neutron.
As they each closed their eyes, they both also came on each other. Luckily Carl’s cum was cushioned by a piss-soaked diaper and Jimmy’s conveniently fired out the hole in the wall he had created from his ejaculation less than a half hour earlier. As globs the size of automobiles pelted the recently rebuilt Retroville, only a few snowball sized blobs fell on top of Carl and Jimmy. And despite all the rage that led to this sexual encounter, the goop was full of love and didn’t scald either child. They each pulled away from their locked lips, and it was Jimmy who ended the awkward silence with a deviant smile and matching cackle.
“Wow! Jesus Carl, that’s more fucking like it!” Jimmy said happily, “God, that was the best orgasm I’ve had in weeks! I had no idea I had such an asphyxiation fetish. It must only be when I take the auto out of autoerotic and have someone else do the strangling. Cuz I’ve tried hanging myself before and let me tell you, it isn’t anything as orgasmic as that shit!” As Jimmy reeled in glee from cumming that hard, he let Carl slide off his body as his enormous penis retracted. Carl climbed to his feet, letting poop and other diaper waste fall out the hole in his garment.
“All right Jasper, new plan! Get the list of top cities and in-between stops done and ready to fax to the White House tomorrow. We’ll need to acquire one or two of those RVs, I’m obviously gonna need my own. We’re all gonna tour the country fucking everyone up and making more Jimmy Juniors!” He quickly spun around and pointed. “And YOU Carl, as you keep providing me with filth to poison the planet with, I want you to choke me out like how you just did. Every. Single. Night. It’ll be the perfect way to end each day of this exhaustive new schedule of ours.” Jimmy was already leading Jasper and the rest of the ündend-gaerdfen away to business as he spoke, leaving Carl dumbfounded at how strangely things just transpired, changing yet staying in the same hell he now knew. “Just don’t kiss me or do any other gay shit like that next time…”
After that the Neutron regime really got its start. Bush approved their list and leaving Retroville to rot and ruin they obtained several campers and led a cavalcade of Jimmy Juniors and ündend-gaerdfen behind the deluxe RV containing Jimmy and his every expanding genitals. Even with plenty of towns lining their projected path, the hours of travel and the time it took to take over a common metropolis through sexual force added up into days and weeks. It’s in this part of the story I want all you Breaking Bad fans to think of the “Crystal Blue Persuasion” montage, where everything is running like clockwork just how our protagonist always wanted spreading his genius and his children, and yet he was slowly dying inside as the rewards of his endeavors became curses. Humping anyone he wanted began to grow boring, and with his penis swelling more and more it took a toll on the rest of his body, resulting in a puffy bloated nut sack and other unattractive changes of puberty like 5 o’clock shadow. Every hour Jimmy looked more and more like Harvey Weinstein, and at the end of each day in the grueling Jimmy Neutron American Tour he would take Carl out to somewhere peaceful and deserted and force his former best friend to strangle him until semen exploded out over forests and fields, occasionally taking out a farm or house or two.
Against the cloud of rape and authoritarianism that Jimmy Neutron brought to the nation, things seemed to be going relatively OK compared to the gory early experimentation days. But all that unfortunately changed one night as Jimmy and Carl were fucking in a field doing their usual routine outside of Langley. With his eyes closed Carl was squeezing Neutron’s neck and didn’t notice the shadowy figure moving through the grass. Then a thicker and much hairier arm encircled Jimmy’s mouth and the surprise made him whip around, tossing Carl into the dirt and whacking his assailant in the face with his rock hard cock. As they both screamed Goddard (who was still in his monitor lizard form) shown a flashlight from his mouth and prepared to fire lasers.
“JET FUSION?” exclaimed both boys. Indeed the rugged spy voice by Christian Slater was coughing and pushing himself off the ground. He put forward his hands to try and settle things as he stood up.
“It’s ok, yeah sorry I had to sneak up on ya, Jimmy. I didn’t wanna brush into any of your unden-gerts or Jimmy Juniors,” he said catching his breath. Carl began to correct him with the actual pronunciation this time, but Jimmy cut him off, “Shut up, Carl. Yeah, that would be likely to happen… given your CIA connections. What are you doing out here, Jet?” Jimmy’s tone was accusatory and Goddard charged his lasers.
“Look, Jimmy. I got to thinking during this nationwide takeover, spreading the good genes and all. Listen, I want in,” Jet said eagerly. “Think about it. Between you, me and Beautiful Gorgeous, we have all the makings for an ideal race. Your brains, her looks, my brawn! The Yolkians wouldn’t stand a chance, hell no alien race would. Humanity 2.0 would be… unstoppable!” He claimed, trying to successfully close out his pitch. Jimmy Neutron kept his poker face, stroking his stubbled chin before saying, “All right, is that why she’s here too, then?” Then there was an audible sigh heard in the grass.
“What, you could see her?” Jet Fusion cried incredulously as his girlfriend or wife or whatever rose from behind Carl’s diaper silo that was over in the corner. Carl’s face went beet-red and hoped the stenches of his solid waste hadn’t repulsed her too much. She then stood contrapposto, her glock gleaming in the moonlight.
“How could I not? Her ass is so god damn enormous, like I know how wide that silo is bitch!” Beautiful Grogeous responded with a raspy “Fuck you.” A separate attachment came from Goddard’s tail that they all soon realized was his own android dick. Goddard aimed it at Beautiful and laid his eye targets on Jet. Beautiful Gorgeous dropped her gun, and Jimmy turned back to Jet with a smug look of ‘nice try’.
“OK I’ll be straight with you,” the shaking spy raised his hands. “The government sent us. They knew you might trust me so they thought if I got caught I could sweet-talk my way into a better position or one of us could seduce you or something.” Carl finally spoke during all this deciding to skip re-introductions, “You can still try the seduction thing on me,” he peeped, eyes darting between both of the physically attractive adults. Beautiful Gorgeous rolled her eyes and everyone else ignored him.
“So this pitch of yours, that’s some of this sweet-talk?” Jimmy growled at Jet. Fusion explained that while that was on the prompt card his dispatcher gave him, saying it out loud made him realize it was what he wanted so he did his whole song and dance again but this time with a tone that begged for his life. Jimmy then said, “All right, I have two more questions that I think I know the answers to but…humor me. Who exactly sent you…and what what EXACTLY did they tell you to do?” Jet began stammering.
“C’mon, Jimmy. This is the federal government, they don’t tell us anything more than the what and the where when we get these.” After a pause Jimmy said. “OK, this is the where, now what’s the what??” Jet once again kept vagueness, repeating, “Again, it’s- it’s all just codes and words and-,” but Jimmy abruptly cut him off.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE TO DO, JET???” He bellowed. Jet finally admitted it was an assassination mission. Jimmy chuckled and after a few moments to think, he said, “Well, I do have to give the guys credit for a pretty clever pitch. Certainly appeals to my wishes for ethnic cleansing. And fucking. God, I’m getting hard just thinking about a good old fashioned three-way with you losers. But the problem with the idea of us siring a perfect race… is that I am. The alpha. Male.”
“That’s fine, hey Jimmy. You’re like a son to me, I want this to work, and if that means me being the beta and going abstinent, hey - you are the future,” Jimmy ignored Jet’s appeals to his ego and went on, “And in the ecosystem of Jimmy Neutron, only the alpha male fucks. Only the alpha male sires. Because the alpha male is perfect. I am PERFECT! JIMMY NEUTRON IS PERFECT!!” His boner continued to grow and everyone else was in awe of the giant cock glowing under Goddard’s lamp. “If they have choices they might be stupid and not pick Jimmy Neutron, and we can’t have that. But I tell you what…” he approached the trembling Jet Fusion. “I’ll let you both join the core team, after all I haven’t fully replaced Cindy since killing her – Carl’s extra duty is more of a supplement for my… ever expanding libido… We can romp and fuck all night… me, Beautiful Gorgeous… and you,” Jimmy’s face was inches from Jet, who was horrified to realize the drool dripping from Jimmy’s lips was in fact semen. He never wanted to be involved in the Neutron genome project in this fashion.
“Well, uh… I’m flattered by this um, proposition but uh… I’m not gay,” he stuttered. Without another second wasted, Jimmy clasped his shoulders and spun the spy around yelling, “YOU ARE NOW!!!!” and he took his massive penis which was so full of red hot blood it burned through Jet’s clothes and rammed hard up his asshole, shattering his pelvis in the first few moments of penetration and ripping his flesh from gooch to butt crack. The collective mass of his privates exceeded a Ford F-150 so his violent thrust pushed his entire body in half, splitting down the middle one leg on each side with one ball on each leg, his dick however staying on his left side in wishbone style. Carl and Beautiful Gorgeous covered their eyes for the gruesome tearing apart of Jet Fusion’s head but then Jimmy came and fiery sperm cream blasted up and melting every part of his body yet to be ravaged. Jet’s shredded lower body burned up under the cum that rained down. He would be reincarnated as Vance Maximus, renegade Star Soldier.
Beautiful Gorgeous had finally snapped out of her stupid and went to grab her gun, but Goddard noticed and used his tail to whack it away. Beautiful stumbled backwards and then Goddard fired his laser eyes right through her tits. As she reached up to cover the bullet holes, Jimmy Neutron quickly grabbed her from behind around her waist. With his other hand he ripped the crotch off her catsuit and stuffed his shrinking willy into her vagina. He went much gentler than he did on Jet but he still created a very painful experience for her.
“Now tell me… where is that… dipshit dad of yours…? Finbar Calamitous?” barked Jimmy between ragged breaths and thrusts. Beautiful struggled to fight it but when Jimmy Neutron squeezed her boobs they both shot out blood like a milked cow and the agony made her speak.
“You know he… UGH never finished anything….” She rasped, “He’s still… on his way… here,” Beautiful was fading from the pain and since it was too soon for Jimmy Neutron to orgasm again he simply twisted her head to sever her spinal cord and snap her neck. Carl screamed as her limp body dropped to the floor. That was when Jasper Jowls and the rest of the senior ündend-gaerdfen arrived – they left as soon as they heard the cumshot and there were simply too many Jimmy Juniors and ündend-gaerdfen now for them to all travel together. They arrived to witness the birth of a beautiful baby Jimmy. It was the first female Jimmy Junior they noticed, but rather than jump on to rape the newborn all the older Jimmy Juniors bowed their heads – the first woman of the race, their Eve.
Finally Professor Calamitous came running through the field panting “I’m HAH almost there… AH what did I-,” but in typical fashion he didn’t get to finish because the girl Jimmy Junior that was technically his granddaughter attacked him, knocking the short man to his feet since they were nearly the same size. Then she punched him in the face until his skull caved in. She shrieked like an animal when anyone came closer, so the crowd began to disperse and return to the campers in this new sullen atmosphere the assassination attempt created.
“Sh-should we clean up at all, like bury Beautiful Gorgeous or-,” Carl was interrupted by Jimmy who replied “No, she was another traitor. People worship Jesus, not Mary. So they’ll worship the daughter of the new god and the whore who spawned her will be forgotten. Besides, she wasn’t that beautiful OR gorgeous! Dead bitch,” as he kicked dirt over the corpse’s frozen face of fear, he called to the commander of his ündend-gaerdfen to arrange a mass broadcast in the morning. The Jimmy Neutron channel that had been established to play repeats of the Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius TV series nonstop 24/7 wouldn’t be enough, so programming would not just be suspended there but nationwide.
Jasper made the calls and got Jimmy to speak on Capitol Hill in the same spot President Bush stood the last time he addressed the nation. Congress begrudgingly let it happen in fear of getting converted by the cock. As he took over the airwaves, millions of Jimmy Juniors, Jimmy the Thirds and the terrified and confused American citizens listened as the bloated monster known as Jimmy Neutron appeared in State of the Union style and began, “Friends, American people, and members of the Jimmy Neutron family… I appear before you today with horrible news… Your leaders have betrayed us. I worked hard to broker this deal with Congress, thought we had an understanding of a lasses-faire relationship… But unfortunately the government intervened in an unimaginable way. Last night, two CIA agents attempted to assassinate me in my compound. Jet Fusion and Beautiful Gorgeous are both dead now, but since they didn’t give up who gave the order my trust in the American government has been broken and I have no choice but to unite us against the greater evils my way!” He paused his speech as Jasper Jowls and his son Japspar dragged Carl into the room with Japsat and Japsaper pushing the silo.
“Everyone, this here is Carl. He’s my gay best friend. That doesn’t mean I’m gay, because I’m not… but he is and I’m getting sidetracked.” Carl had been trying to interject since he was first introduced to protest that he wasn’t gay either. When he finally got a few words in Jimmy huffed, “Shit your diaper, Carl. Anyway, this kid is disgusting. He suffers from multiple allergies and ailments, he’s always covered in snot and sweat and he’s experienced a handful of bizarre diseases. And for the last few months I’ve been collected all the gunk that comes out of his body in this big ole tank here. I’ve developed a serum using his biohazard waste products that will purify the human race!”
“Jimmy, that’s wonderful! You didn’t tell me it was a vaccine you were working on!!” Jasper T. Jowls proclaimed excitedly. Jimmy Neutron grimaced at his commander’s interruption but then evilly grinned as it did segue into exactly where he was going.
“That’s because it’s isn’t, we’re not fixing the world that way. Anyone who breathes this is will suffer a random fatal disease or probably just gag and die within moments. Trust me, his shit is rank. And I’m gonna pump this toxin into the atmosphere over America using chemtrails at the end of the week and you’re all gonna die!” Jimmy Neutron declared ominously. He let the nation collectively shit its pants until continuing. “Unless you find one of my Jimmy Juniors or ündend-gaerdfen selling THAT vaccine! Yessiree, I’ve created a special pill that’ll give you a mild dose and make you totally immune to any side effects of the gas attack. All you have to do to get one… is pledge your life, your freedom and your sexuality to Jimmy Neutron and the Neutron World Order. You must consent to having your dicks either cut off or used for some other bizarre sexual purpose at any moment’s notice. Your vaginas and uteruses become property of James Ballsack Neutron, who can keep or terminate any pregnancy he so chooses. And you agree to never rise up in rebellion against the Neutron World Order or any members of the ündend-gaerdfen or else face rape and/or death. You sign the form, get the pill and you’re good to go.” As Jimmy Neutron wrapped up his insane speech, in the background audio you could hear everyone beginning to panic, a sound that was echoed in the streets as the mass chaos began. “I hope you pledge allegiance to the right leader and when the aliens arrive, we will survive. Otherwise… well, you have a few days to change your minds but while I THINK I made enough vaccine pills for everyone… I could be wrong. You can’t be right about EVERYTHING!!!! BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!”
Still cackling evilly he turned away from the camera and walked past even his most trusted aides. Jimmy Neutron needed to think… and masturbate. But then he caught amongst the entourage entering the room rather than leaving in panic was a cluster of new secret service agents, the Dick Cheney bot and President Bush. Jimmy Neutron grinned, looking forward to sparring with Dubya.
As he and his soldiers marched down to the floor, he angrily met Bush in the center. George had a furrowed brow and looked furious. Jimmy chuckled, “Well, you don’t look happy to see me.”
“Only due to the circumstances. It seems we had a misunderstanding I’d like to apologize for,” Bush said solemnly. Jimmy shook his head.
“It’s too late, Bush. The wheels are already in motion, this is to happen.”
“I wish you would have told us…” George W. Bush continued.
“Yes, well… wait, what are you talking about, told you?” Jimmy felt utterly confused as Bush’s tense look melted into one of worry.
“That is was this urgent, and we needed to get that race of perfect soldiers up and going before the end of the month, son! We got a timetable to keep for these things but if it’s-,” Jimmy then cut off the president to inquire about the status of their partnership, as well as the assassination attempt. The news seemed to catch Bush by surprise.
“What the fuck? No, shit it must have been those damn assholes over in Langley. Sorry about that, those CIA bastards are the ones giving me all this bullshit over this not going with their plan. It must have been them who ordered the hit.”
“Huh, yeah I guess that makes sense,” Jimmy mused, connecting how not just tertiary characters on his show but CIA agents came to kill him. He almost found himself further linking conspiracies about 911 and the Kennedy assassination back to his own scuffle with the feds, but refocused. “So then, you’re actually on board with all this?” he cried in astonishment.
“Sure, we love you Jimmy Neutron!” George W, Bush gleefully cheered.
“Beep-bop-boo-boo-bop” added Dick Cheney. Jimmy and George exchanged a quick giggle before the commander in chief went on. “It’s a bit of an ugly pickle these egg fuckers are putting us in forcing us into total genocide but when it’s us versus them-,” he paused to let Jimmy finish, saying, “It’s US!!!” Jimmy Neutron and the 43^rd President of the United States guffawed at the diabolical crisis the nation had just been dealt. Carl Wheezer and the Jowls family didn’t know exactly what to make of this sinister turn in the game plan, but knew they were in this deep and as of now no one would or could dig them out.
“So, that means you also consent to the terms required for my miracle cure?” said Jimmy Neutron dubiously as he took out a bottle full of the pills. George Bush, Dick Cheney the robot and the secret service agents kept silent but instead dropped trou and took pens out of their pocket protectors, ready to sign. Several congressmen and women that were still in the chamber and witnessing the historical surrender of sanity gave in and spread ‘em. Jimmy Neutron sent scores of Jimmy Juniors to pass out forms and pills, and thus the distribution began. He laughed in his head and thought how glad he was his parents voted Republican.

To be continued.

Oooh shit, things just got REAL! Four more chapters to go, in the meantime check out “Sheen and the Hobo”, a new one-shot story based on a rough draft of Neutron’s Sexual Experimentations. Originally Sheen’s experiment was simply going to be Jimmy Neutron dressing up a hobo like Ultra Lord and having him rape Sheen. Eventually I had the Poopy Flurp idea and had to go with that but this rough draft was also a missed opportunity and so I’ve revisited the concept as its own grisly self-contained tale of rape and violence! You guys will love it I’m sure. Now for a little trivia from “Retroville Civil War”:
*All the typos were accidentally made but intentionally not corrected, meaning they were all left in for comedic effect making for a very experimental chapter.
*Between 6 to 8 cocktails contributed to the fabrication of that story.
*In that same original draft Jimmy was going to force Carl and his mother together right off the bat, in addition to a bestiality twist with the llama (that conspicuously disappeared during the classroom disruption…) As it turned out I wasn’t ready to write such a graphic scene, and realized I’m still not. So that led to the breakdown being staged and it gave the rest of the chapter a humorous edge that would combat its dark subject matter. The inclusion of the caribou goring Hugh’s butt in the beginning is a subtle nod to this earlier scrapped development.
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Neutron's Sexual Experimentations