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Watermelon Snow
By : pronker
Category: +M through R > Penguins of Madagascar
Views: 2672 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0Disclaimer: I make no profit from this fanfiction using the Penguins of Madagascar characters owned by Dreamworks. -
Chapter List
- 1-Watermelon Snow
- 2-2/50
- 3-3/50
- 4-4/50
- 5-5/50
- 6-6/50
- 7-7/50
- 8-8/50
- 9-9/50
- 10-10/50
- 11-11/50
- 12-12/50
- 13-13/50
- 14-14/50
- 15-15/50
- 16-16/50
- 17-17/50
- 18-18/50
- 19-19/50
- 20-20/50
- 21-21/50
- 22-22/50
- 23-23/50
- 24-24/50
- 25-17-18/50 SLASH INTERLUDE BETWEEN CH. 17 AND 18. AU ON 'WATERMELON SNOW'
- 26-24A/50 SLASH VERSION OF CH. 24 FOR KICKS AND GIGGLES *** AU ***
- 27-25/50
- 28-26/50
- 29-27/50
- 30-28/50
- 31-29/50
- 32-30/50
- 33-31/50
- 34-32/50
- 35-33/50
- 36-34/50
- 37-35/50
- 38-36/50
- 39-37/50
- 40-38/50
- 41-39/50
- 42-40/50
- 43-41/50
- 44-42/50
- 45-43/50
- 46-44/50
- 47-45/50
- 48-46/50
- 49-47/50
- 50-48/50
- 51-49/50
- 52-50/51
- 53-51/51
Gavina had a bee in her bonnet about the ice worm story or so Private suspected when she threw in Latin names of animals he had never heard of. He perked up when the studio setting changed to a fishing boat in rough seas.
"We shift now to our man in dangerous places, Sven S. C. Formes, no relation. Sven, you are on the hunt for the elusive ice worm otherwise known as Mesenchytraeus solifugus. Is that possibly an invasive species to Svalbard? What are your conditions out there in the land of the Vikings?"
Private knew a flirt when he saw one. The large blond who could have been Rico in human form smoothed his mohawk before replacing his knit cap. "Gavina, my dove, let me illumine you. The water is choppy at first light, the storm is lowr'ing, and the ice worms we search for bear only the slightest resemblance to Mesenchytraeus solifugus. They are said to live on ice like Mesenchytraeus solifugus, but on icebergs and not glaciers. They are ginormous, and you may quote me, in comparison. One report from a crab harvester right before she was lost overboard said that a 30 footer entangled itself around her net and when the net was winched up, the worm attacked her with a spiny barb like a nemertean's."
Kowalski had been paying rapt attention to the scientific discourse, but then he returned to his slouch beside Private as the three lounged on the floor at Skipper's feet. "A ... nemertean. It figures."
"Wot's a --- "
"Later, Private! I want to hear this." Skipper pulled the Snuggie hood off his head. The massage table creaked as he shifted his weight and a maroon pillow fell to the floor. When Rico replaced it at his back, he nodded absently and remained enthralled by the adventure onscreen.
"Sven, Mesenchytraeus solifugus may be affected by global warming, oil spills, or sunspots, and grown to larger size in these algae rich Arctic waters, don't you agree?"
Sven clutched the icy railing and widened his stance to a true mariner's pose. The boat plunged into a trough. "Gavina, I respect your expertise, but no, I don't think so. Mesenchytraeus solifugus feeds on watermelon snow's algae and this beast was after the crab harvester's catch and possibly the harvester, too. The description that the surviving harvester gave second-hand resembled Lineus longissimus and at that, it would be a smaller example of the longest nemertean ever found."
Gavina's gasp was audible to Sven and any viewers. "Over 170 feet long. Sven, that's worth a dunking into the Arctic Ocean."
Private could tell that Gavina was trying to come up with something more tame to chat about but before she could say anything, Sven spouted what sounded to him like a very large excursion into Peanut Butter Winkie Land. "Gavina, I believe this to be a mutant form of the Antarctic species Plectus murrayi. Think about it! The iceberg we're approaching shows noticeable shrinkage from its last measurement from Greenpeace. Plectus murrayi contains natural antifreeze that it uses to slither around inside ice and break it up --- "
Sven disappeared beneath a wave that had just crashed over the bow. He reappeared a second later, clinging to the rail with both hands. The cameraman must have been made of sturdy seaman stock, too, because the camera jiggled wildly but was not dropped or lost overboard. Some settings were jostled, though, and the perspective zoomed onto the far shore directly opposite the iceberg.
Gavina managed some blander material. "Sven, a little background, please. Tell us how far from shore you are and what species of small shrubs we're seeing lining the beach."
"Those are old growth pine trees, Gavina."
"Ahah. I see. And it took how long to reach your current bearing?"
"Twenty minutes."
"Really?"
"An hour."
The cameraman pulled back the shot to refocus on the iceberg that was still some distance away. The roar of the ocean made Private a little nostalgic for the freedom of the open seas. He squirmed away from his friends and looked over his shoulder at Skipper.
Their leader looked more himself than since the dreadful defeat by Sasquatch. One flipper clenched over his ravaged chest, true, but the other tapped against Princess Self-Respectra's protective Band-Aid on his pinkie claw. Before Private could stop him, Skipper yanked off the Band-Aid and tossed it behind him. Skipper didn't even glance at the recovering foot but continued to be enraptured by the scenes before him.
Gavina gamely continued the small talk. "Any chance of the storm worsening, Sven?"
"None."
"Really?"
"Some."
The boat shuddered bow to stern. "Keep her headed into the waves, man! You're taking on too much water!" Sven roared. The captain of the boat screamed back something in Norwegian but Sven was too much the professional to change from English. Private recalled that Scandinavian nations tutored their students in English at an early age, anyway. Some naughty words followed that were evident in any language. Sven aimed a free hand back at the captain and the cameraman blurred the gesture.
Another wave doused the science reporter. The cameraman's microphone picked up a frantic communication from the beleaguered captain. "Well, it isn't good enough!" Sven spluttered in reply. "Goose that motor up! We're not making headway into this wind! Rævhål. Sorry, Gavina." The feed returned to the studio.
Gavina pulled her dickey away from her throat to give herself breathing room. She appeared to be having a case of the vapors as she forswore politeness. "No, no, Sven, this is thrilling! Please continue!"
The sketchy transmission frazzled on. "Anything for you and Science, darling, allow me to --- stop fooling around and pay attention to what you're doing!" The knit cap had long since been swept off to leave Sven's mohawk a drenched mess atop his buzz cut. The scene abruptly faded to audio only.
Rico had been mirroring Sven's actions in sympathy. When the location shot finally fizzled for good, he sank back. "Awwwww. Whun els on?"
"Leave it." Skipper's voice sounded stronger. "Let's hear the rest."
Gavina whisked what looked like a shot glass out of camera range. "I apologize to viewers who expected Polite News. Obviously, Sven was under much stress. But to continue his interesting theory, Plectus murrayi is an astounding Antarctic nematode that exudes naturally produced antifreeze. A nematode is a worm in general parlance, gentle viewers, and Plectus murrayi in titanic form in Arctic seas could pose as yet undisclosed dangers to our fragile world ecology." She brightened. "Polite News will keep you informed, or we may hand off the story to BBC Regular News. Let's hope we won't need to. And now the weather --- "
Private seized the remote to mute the sound. "Wot's a nemertean?"
Kowalski's voice got that do-I-have-to-explain-this dry quality that annoyed his teammates. "Nemerteans are marine worms of incredible length, the longest animal in the world. They shoot out a venomous barb to kill prey. The species can stretch up to ten times their resting length, reduce their length by 50 per cent and increase width by 300 per cent. They are awesome!"
Private considered. "Funny name."
"There's something you're not telling us, Kowalski. Spill it." Skipper evinced interest in the subject as he had not in much of anything lately except getting through each day with as little pain as possible. Kowalski felt compelled to continue no matter the cost.
"Nemerteans are named for Nemertes, a sea nymph from Greek mythology."
"And?" Skipper's voice got that tough note that Kowalski hadn't heard in recent days.
"Nemertes was a daughter of an ancient sea deity and Doris, the goddess of the bounty of the sea. I'll say it first: my Doris is generous with her bounty, too, witness to Parker, Joaquin, Sheiji, Ed, Pete, Wayan, me, and the rest. She is just made that way, all right? In one of the family entanglement stories that imply the ancient Greeks had bats in their Ionic columns, Doris' son Nerites became enamored of his boss Poseidon and vice versa and had a baby by him --- Rico, wipe that smile off your beak, this is scientifically impossible --- and Doris' grandson was named Anteros, the spirit of reciprocated love. I am aware of the exquisite irony, thank you."
"I'm sorry I asked, mi amigo."
Private dropped the remote in the silence that followed and the mute button got unclicked.
"--- and now for news about royals."
"Yayyy!" Private chorused. "Royals! I love royals! Smashin' change of subject, BBC!"
Gavina's expression could be termed starry-eyed. "The King of Sweden announced a visit to the Åland Islands Zoo in the next few days to encounter the amazing sasquatch's opening day of display. Despite her eventual transfer to Helsinki, the zoo took advantage of the refurbishing of their moose habitat to place her in an outdoor spot for popular viewing. Take a look at smuggled footage of the fascinating creature as she acquaints herself with the building materials provided for her play."
Sasquatch squatted on scaffolding left behind for her amusement. She tipped over the ladder abutting the scaffolding as if to say she needed no such help to climb up, or out. Then she munched an apple while staring directly at the sneaky observer's cameraphone.
Gavina chattered on. "His Majesty Carl XVI Gustaf will also delight in the zoo's A.A.R.P. transfers, four penguins who have charmed crowds for close to two weeks. Safe travel to you, Your Highness. And we conclude Polite News, good manners to you all."
Later on, Private could have sworn there was a crack of lightning demolishing the quietude of the clear sky that night because he could smell ozone as the command power dynamic switched polarity to what it should always be. Kowalski nodded with the grace that he sometimes displayed and Rico did a backflip.
"Right as rainbows," Private said quietly.
"Kowalski, options?" Skipper inquired.
IOIOIOIOIO
TBC
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