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Losing Control	By : GabrielC Category: Transformers > G1 > AU/AR Views: 4253 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformer. I make no profit from writing this

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
A/N: 3 chapters until the end!! v_v

Chapter 15 - Breaking Down

Prowl tensed as he on lined his optics, half expecting to be assaulted by another barrage of agony. Something had gone horribly wrong during the bonding; he remembered that much, what had happened after the excruciating pain had taken over his primary functions though, was a mystery.

He pushed himself up to sitting, moving stiffly, his frame still tender and achingly sore. His chest felt like it had been split open and pierced repeatedly. Letting out a heavy cycle of air, Prowl tentatively stroked his fingers across the armour protecting his spark chamber. The procedure must have worked for him to still be online.

Prowl hesitated in his thinking and internally berated himself. ‘The Procedure.’ How clinical, cold. Shaking his head with a barely perceptible smile Prowl felt his spark pulse softly. He was bonded, spark linked to Prime no less. He suddenly felt a surge of panic, insecurity at the thought. His doubts bleeding into his processor, what if Prime regretted his decision, resented Prowl’s choice? What if he wasn’t good enough for Prime and disappointed him? A digitized whine escaped his vocaliser before he could stop it. It was all just a little bit overwhelming.

Taking a moment to compose himself, Prowl reined in his emotions. It wouldn’t do to have his new bond mate assaulted with doubt and fear, no matter how necessary or willing the bond had been. Prowl shuttered his optics and slowed his intakes in an effort to calm his over wrought systems. He focused his efforts around his end of the bond; tightening his control he prevented his worries and concerns from affecting Prime. The last thing he wanted was to drive Prime away with a barrage of unwanted emotion.

Prowl grimaced slightly feeling another intrusion within the bond. Frowning he hissed at the discomfort. He pushed into the bond softly, brushing against the presence that he felt within. It felt familiar and yet wary, Prowl could feel disappointment, worry. He opened up the bond a little more at his end and gasped at the sorrow, guilt and confusion that flooded into him.

“Jazz.” He breathed, his optics snapping open. Within micro seconds, he’d pulled out of the bond and closed his end of it once more. He was bonded to Jazz but why, how? What of Prime?

Unable to curb his impatience, Prowl gingerly swung his legs over the berth and eased his weak frame onto his feet. He desperately needed to refuel and probably recharge some more but not before he had gotten an explanation from Prime or Jazz, he’d even settle for Ratchet at this point. It wasn’t that he hated Jazz, or even disliked him. Nothing could be further from the truth. He cared for him deeply, but the bitterness he felt, the anger that had built up over stellar cycles of repressed emotion were too deeply ingrained to simply discard.

Prowl had, had no awareness of being bonded to Jazz. What had gone so terribly wrong that Jazz had felt the need to step in? What had happened to Prime? Feeling growing apprehension and fear for the mech he had chosen, intermingled with confusion and wariness regarding Jazz; Prowl headed slowly from the empty med bay.

****

Jazz took a minute to steady his nerves, accepting the seat Ironhide offered him graciously. He scowled behind his visor, he didn’t get nervous, things like this didn’t, hadn’t affected him before, why now? Looking into Ironhide’s eager face plates Jazz could feel guilt and remorse welling up inside him. What was wrong with him? Ironhide was a big mech, he wasn’t a youngling, this wasn’t some crush. Jazz simply felt he owed it to him to let him know what had happened and why they could no longer fool around. Then why was he so nervous, so racked with guilt? His spark throbbed in his chest, maybe it was a side effect of the bond, yeah that was it. He would make a point of asking Ratchet about it later.

The black and white mech was so caught up in his racing thoughts that he had barely heard Ironhide talking cheerfully away at him, that was until Ironhide stopped and gently rested his hand over his own.

Tilting his visor slightly Jazz met Ironhide’s concerned optics, he was frowning. “What’s up with ya?”

“Hm?”

Ironhide laughed. “You’re a million light years away Jazz, what’s eatin’ at ya processor?”

“Oh...” Jazz dropped his optics back to the table, staring intently at his energon cube. This was it, just got to spit it out, be a mech and tell him the truth. “’Hide there’s something I need t’ talk t’ you about.”

“Prime mentioned ya did.”

Jazz internally flinched at the comforting squeeze of his hand.

“Truth is I’ve got somethin’ to say myself, seein’ as you’re so far away. I’ll start.”

“’Hide I don’t think that...”

“Ah! Just let me say what I need to Jazz, Primus knows it’s taken me long enough.” Ironhide flashed him a sheepish, affectionate grin and Jazz’s spark plummeted in his chest. How could he have been so blind to Ironhide’s affections, his genuine concern upon his rescue? Why hadn’t he talked to him sooner? Now he had no other choice but to listen to Ironhide as the gruff red mech finally opened up to him.

"Primus do I feel awkward doing this." Ironhide began almost nervously. He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, his optics flitting between Jazz and the table. "The thing is Jazz; I've not been treatin' ya right."

Jazz opened his mouth to protest only to be silenced once again.

"Hear me out. After ya came back to us, I was worried about ya. I don't know what Megatron did to ya apart from what he showed us..." Ironhide trailed off his face plates scrunching in disgust at the memory. “But I didn’t want to push ya into anything, so I kinda took it to extreme a bit. I think I pushed ya away and I know that ya’ve felt it and ya haven’t talked to me about it, and I do understand I do but I just want to make things right.” He gazed at Jazz with earnest sincerity and smiled. “I want to fix it with ya and I’d like us to be… ya know… more than…”

Jazz felt his spark stall in his chest, his capacitor pumping hard forcing the energon around his overly tense frame. He had to tell him, he had to tell him now.

“I bonded ‘Hide…” His vocaliser failed him, time seemed to slow down as Ironhide halted mid sentence to process the words.

“What?” Came the whispered reply.

Jazz gripped onto Ironhide’s hand with both of his and held his optics. “They were dyin’ ‘Hide. I was watchin’ them die right in front of me and I couldn’t just stand there and do nothin’.” Taking a deep intake driven on by the red mech’s stony silence, Jazz carried on. “He, Prowl was bonded t’ a trine link, they needed a third spark t’ complete the bond or they would have both off lined.” Squeezing his optics closed Jazz let out a gasp of air well aware of how much he was hurting the mech in front of him. “I bonded t’ both of them. I… I had no choice.”

Jazz dropped his head into his hands overcome with the realization of what he’d done. “I’m so, so sorry ‘Hide.” He risked a glance up at the red mech.

Ironhide simply sat and stared at him incredulously. His optics dim with unspoken feeling. Jazz couldn’t bear the silence any longer. “Please… please say something…” He reached out a shaky hand for Ironhide’s only to have it snatched viciously from his grasp.

He froze; Ironhide was glaring at the table, his fists clenched. “Ya never wanted this.” He uttered so softly Jazz wasn’t sure if he’d heard him correctly.

“What? No ‘Hide that’s not it at all!”

“Ya never wanted me.”

“’Hide listen t’ me. I had no choice…”

Ironhide stood up so fast his chair flew backwards, startling a few of the other mechs in the room as it crashed to the floor. Jazz cringed feeling the full force of Ironhide’s anger, his betrayal staring at him through intense blue optics. “Like slag ya didn’t!”

Jazz tried to speak but his vocaliser wouldn’t cooperate, he resorted to just shaking his head, lifting his visor so Ironhide could see how much this was hurting him too.

Ironhide knew what he was about to do and with one swift move grabbed Jazz’s arm, roughly hauling him out of his seat, letting the visor fall back over his optics.

“Don’t ya dare!” He snarled coldly. “Ya always had a choice and ya always, ALWAYS chose him… it was always Prowl.” Ironhide shook his head in disbelief his hand still clenched tightly, painfully around Jazz’s wrist. “I was a fool to think ya ever wanted more from me than a quick frag!”

“That’s not true!” Jazz couldn’t hold back his glossa any longer.

“No?! Explain it to me then Jazz. Why did it have to be you?! Hmm?” He glared at him intently and Jazz once again found himself unable to respond.

“It could have been anyone, why you?!” He shoved Jazz back into the table not caring when the black and white mech stumbled over his abandoned chair and fell to the floor. “I’ll tell ya why.”

He approached him, his stocky red frame bristling with pain and anguish. “Ya wanted him. Ya wanted him for yourself and ya couldn’t stand it that Prime got there before ya. Could ya?” Ironhide glared at him waiting for a response. “COULD YA?! Admit it Jazz!”

“Alright!” Jazz cried out. “I hated that he didn’t choose me, I hated him for that.” His voice dropped sharply, his head dropping to his chest. “I hated them both.” He snapped his visor back up to glare with equal ire at Ironhide. “I was jealous! Angry!” He picked himself up off the floor and squared up to his former lover, pointing an angry finger at his chest. “But that doesn’t mean I didn’t feel anything fer you! How can you even think that?! You were never just a quick frag t’ me!”

They glared at each other for what felt like an eternity, when much to Jazz’s absolute shock Ironhide burst into a cold, humourless laugh. “You’re manipulative ya know that?” He spoke quietly now, his tone defeated, beaten, weary. “Hell, I think even Primus himself would buy that heap of slag spoutin’ from ya mouth.”

Ironhide shook his head running a tired hand over his face plates. “We could a’ been somethin’ Jazz but ya had to have what ya wanted and you’re a mech who always gets what he wants right? That’s what ya told me isn’t it?”

Jazz frowned completely thrown by Ironhide’s calm demeanor. “’Hide I…”

“Save it.” Ironhide clapped a hand heavily on Jazz’s shoulder. “I am eternally grateful that Prime and Prowl are online today, can’t thank ya enough for that, no regrets about us either. It was fun while it lasted right? Just two mechs foolin’ around.”

He let go of Jazz’s shoulder and stepped past him, his bulky frame knocking into Jazz’s carelessly, turning back he met Jazz’s torn expression. “I sincerely hope, for their sakes; that Prime and Prowl know what kind of mech they’re bonded to.” He huffed bitterly. “Primus help them if they don’t.”

He turned his back on Jazz, leaving him with honest, cold last words. “Time for ya to grow up Jazz, this isn’t a game anymore.”

With that he left the rec room, leaving Jazz staring at the floor in shame. Stunned optics of half a dozen mechs followed his exit before focusing on the dejected form of Jazz standing humbly in the middle of the room.

****
Decepticon base

Megatron cast his optics around the room. All of them were waiting, looking up to him, eager to get on with the mission and conquer the Autobots once and for all. Victory had never seemed so possible before, it was so close Megatron could practically taste it.

He couldn’t get ahead of himself however, they had all the information they could possibly want. Defenses, tactics, weaknesses, fighting styles, but a victory would not be assured unless his mechs could function together as a team. That had always been the advantage the Autobots had over the Decepticons in any given fight. They were a unit, a family. Choosing to be at each other’s side rather than being thrown together, forced to cooperate with mechs they could probably never call friends. Thrust into disharmony.

Megatron was no fool, he knew they were all in it for their own reasons, at least they were honest about who they were. They had never tried to hide behind some ideal, disguise their war like nature. It was what they had been built to do eons ago. While there would never be a true peace under Decepticon reign, there would be freedom. Freedom to be who they were meant to be, rather than what the Autobots dictated they should be.

Forcing his focus back to the meeting, Megatron scowled at the door as it opened.

“So glad you and your trine decided to join us Starscream.” He drawled his optics narrow. He loathed tardiness. Starscream knew this, knew of his need for absolute control and he pushed the limits of his patience whenever he could. Not enough for Megatron to want to off line him; just enough that he challenged him, made him question his own decisions. It was the very reason he’d made Starscream his second in command. The seeker had a brilliant mind, devious, calculating and when he needed to be; disturbingly cold and unfeeling. He’d gone against the advice of Shockwave and Soundwave; he’d rather have the greatest threat to his leadership by his side than facing him on the battle field.

“We were laid up.” Thundercracker smirked arrogantly.

Megatron for once didn’t mind the cheek, the banter. All of the Decepticons were eager to fight, to win. Pre-battle excitement was getting the better of them. Starscream took his place on the right side of his leader and gazed up innocently, that knowing sly grin on his face plates once more.

“The plan is a relatively simple one.” Megatron began. “Even runts like Dead End will be able to follow what I am about to instruct.”

Dead End squeaked in protest but dared not interrupt his leader, resorting to scowling into the table while the mechs around him sniggered.

“Starscream, you and your trine are going to serve as a distraction to the ground troops. We know from our gathered intelligence that the Aerial bots are usually deployed later into a battle, providing air cover for their grounders. You’re job is to stop that but you only move on my order.”

Starscream shifted slightly, taking in the information. “What of you Megatron are you just going to stand on the side lines this time?”
Megatron allowed his mouth to curl upwards into a crooked smirk. “No I am going to be bait.”

The room went very still. “Bait?” Blackout whispered.

“Begging your pardon Lord Megatron but… but isn’t that a bit reckless?” Onslaught spoke up, his red visor glowing in concern as he tried to work out the tactics behind such a maneuver.

“Soundwave if you please.” Megatron countered his grin widening.

“Tactical data: Prime will always focus his attack on Megatron in battle. Objective: Lure Prime away from the battle and secure. Result: Autobot reinforcements impossible, demoralization of Autobot troops likely.”

The mechs murmured in understanding and mild concern. Their leader wasn’t going to fight. He always fought. He was their focal point, their leader; could they win this battle without him? The ‘cons glanced nervously between themselves. Megatron sensed the change in atmosphere in the room and smiled.

“You can win this battle. You don’t need me to fight. I will be there with you. I will be leading you to victory, have no qualms about that.” He turned back to Soundwave. “Soundwave you and the Cassetticons are to head off after this meeting and hide somewhere close to the Autobot base. You are our optics and our audios. You are to inform me at once when the Autobot base is vulnerable. Then and only then will I give the order for infiltration and send the seekers to your aide.”

“Understood Lord Megatron.” Soundwave inclined into a short bow, Rumble rubbed his hands together excitedly by his leg, while Ravage simply purred and swished his spiked tail.

“The rest of you will work in teams, under my direction. When the Autobots attack, you are to follow my orders without fail. I will not lead you astray, I know their weaknesses and we are going to exploit each and every one of them.”

“Where are the Constructicons, are they not to fight?” Barricade spoke up quietly.

“They are already en-route to their location, they are key to our entrapment of Prime.” Megatron replied confidently. “Prime’s bodyguard and weapons master will undoubtedly stay close to his leader, with this plan we can take them both out and concentrate our efforts on the grounders.” Megatron paused ensuring his mechs were following him before continuing.

“Our main concern while in the midst of battle will be the Autobot special ops team, led by our wayward guest Jazz. Nobody is to touch him, let him come to me and he will come to me as soon as he sees an opportunity.”

“How can you be so sure?” Starscream questioned, his red optics narrow, skeptical.

“He will be unable to do anything but. With Prime out of the equation he will come for me himself. Especially considering our close personal relationship.” He drawled with smug satisfaction, prompting a snicker from the seeker.

“Any questions?”

“Yes.” Thundercracker spoke up from the back of the room. “What about the tactician? What about Prowl?” He glanced around the room. “He is the only mech we don’t know the weakness of; we can’t predict what he’ll do.”

Megatron nodded. “Good question, I had already considered this problem while you were busy… recovering.” He ignored the snorts of laughter from the mechs sat at the table.

“Lazorbeak was sent out to ascertain his condition. His last current whereabouts was the Autobot med bay. Hook has since informed me that a bond breaking is a tremendous strain on the spark. He will not be in the battle; with any luck Soundwave can track him down when you three help him infiltrate their base and you can…”

“I want him!” Thundercracker growled darkly. “When we catch him, when we take their base, for the pain I’ve had to endure. He’s mine.”

“Thundercracker know your place!” Starscream snapped suddenly, prompting the blue jet to avert his optics to the floor in submission.

Megatron hesitated for a moment, pondering the jet’s words. “Very well, we do after all owe our knowledge thanks to your efforts; he’s yours to do with as you wish once the Ark is secure. The base is the priority.”

Thundercracker bowed his helm gratefully. He was going to make that Autobot regret ever being online. For ever daring to resist him and inflict that much pain onto him. The Autobot would learn his true place, on his knees at Thundercracker’s feet. He recalled the memory file of that very image and purred at the very satisfying thought. It made Thundercracker smile, dark intentions flowing through his cortex.

Megatron wrapped up the meeting swiftly and folded his powerful arms across his chest. “Decepticons, we don’t fight this solar cycle to survive, we are fighting to win. We are not going to beat the Autobots anymore.”

His face split into a wide determined sneer. “We are going to crush them!”

****
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Losing Control