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Grow, Adapt, Overcome.	By : DebbieCync Category: +G through L > The Loud House Views: 53045 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 5
Disclaimer: I do not own the Loud House or any associated intellectual properties nor am I making any money off of this.

Chapter List
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Luna yawned and stumbled into the house. Last night had been draining, but it had also been a blast, so she was feeling comfortably numb.

“Luna,” Luan greeted her.

“Lulu,” Luna said, perking up as she saw the smile on her face. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, Linc fucked the sadness out of me,” Luan replied with a wide smile.

Luna froze. “Pardon?”

“Lincoln stripped and washed me as requested, while also listening to why I was hurting and helped me sort some things out,” Luan explained.

“I got ya,” Luna said, gesturing for her to go on.

“And then he plowed me like the back forty,”’ Luan said. “If I’d known jumping Lincoln was that fantastic I’d have done it years ago.”

“You’re having sex with Lincoln,” Luna said slowly, trying to get her mind around the idea.

“Not right this instant, but I was earlier and I will be again later,” Luan said.

“Mom and dad are going to kill me!” Luna groaned.

“I’d suggest not telling them until we’ve all moved out,” Lucy said, causing Luna to jump and clutch her chest, now wide awake.

“To complicate matters, Lincoln has been infected with an evolutionary virus that Lisa made,” Luan said, “so everyone who has had sex with Lincoln is becoming superhuman. Lynn can already bend steel.”

“Lincoln is having sex with you and Lynn?” Luna asked, wide eyed.

“And me,” Lucy added.

“Please!” the twins begged.

“Guys, you are too young,” Lincoln said firmly as he came down the stairs carrying a large backpack, “and Lisa has to make sure it’s safe.”

“Oral isn’t sex,” Lola argued, “it’s just a way to say you care for someone.”

“Don’t you love us?” Lana asked, changing tact as logic and reason hadn’t worked.

Looking down into the two sets of watery blue eyes Lincoln caved. He knelt down and pulled them into a hug. “Fine I won’t make you wait two years, but we still have to wait for the all clear from Lisa.”

“Woohoo!” the twins cheered, hugging him tightly.

“Are you having sex with everyone?” Luna asked him in shock.

“No,” Lincoln said as he released the twins, “but I just can’t say no to my sisters.”

“That… seems a little unfair,” Luna admitted with a frown as she thought about it.

Lincoln smiled. “I mean I love them, and I love making love to them.”

“Oh, that’s alright then,” Luna said with a sigh, “except, you know, for the part where our parents kill us.” She groaned again.

“Relax,” Luan said, “we are keeping that quiet until we all move out.”

Lynn came down the stairs carrying her backpack and Lucy’s. “We ready to go?”

“Go?” Luna asked, suddenly worried they were all running away from home.

“Lisa needs some medical equipment to make sure we’re safe to be around because of the virus,” Lincoln explained. “So, we’re all camping out at the hospital on top of Captain’s hill.”

“She probably could get you in there,” Luna said thoughtfully, relieved she wasn’t going to have half her family vanish.

Lisa came down the stairs carrying a backpack and a tool box. “I have called a conveyance, it should arrive within the hour.”

“Good, then we have time for lunch, cause I’m starving!” Luan exclaimed.

“That’s the virus,” Lisa said, “it needs a lot of calories to initiate the changes.”

“So, what all does the evolutionary virus do?” Luna asked as she followed them into the kitchen.

“I’m not completely sure,” Lisa admitted, “so far it seems to be continually modifying Lincoln’s DNA, making him immune to disease, increasing his physical capabilities and reproductive capacity.”

Lincoln listened with half an ear as he prepared enough mac and cheese for twelve people as well as a dozen grilled cheese and tuna fish sandwiches which vanished as quickly as he set them on the table.

“Reproductive capacity?” Luna asked as she snagged a grilled cheese sandwich.

“His ejaculate has a pleasant odor and taste, is of a volume to equal a much larger animal, possibly of the equine family, and his refractory period is startlingly low,” Lisa explained, in between bites of tuna fish.

“What?”

“He comes like a horse, it tastes like vanilla creme, and he can do it all again in just a few minutes,” Lynn translated.

“Cool!” Lana said with a wide grin.

“Excellent,” Lola said, taking a dainty bite of her sandwich.

“Is it supposed to taste bad?” Lincoln asked as he cooked while eating.

“Lori said it wasn’t really good or bad, but that she cherished it because it came from Bobby,” Lucy offered. “I overheard her and Leni discussing it once.”

“It if wasn’t for the fact that I avoid drugs, I’d swear I was on something right now,” Luna said, “this conversation is surreal.”

“Subject or age of participants?” Lisa enquired, snagging a banana as Lincoln set out fruit for everyone.

“Yes,” Luna deadpanned, making Luan laugh.

“Milk please,” Lola asked Lincoln.

Lincoln refilled everyone’s glasses.

“Anyone really worried about the virus?” Luna asked.

“No,” came the chorus.

“Lisa will figure it out,” Lincoln said confidently.

“Ditto,” Lynn said.

“It could be Ebola and I would still be happy with Lincoln and Lynn,” Lucy said.

“I’ve had enough moping and worrying,” Luan said. “I’ve decided to be wildly optimistic.”

“Every single change has been beneficial, that is not an accident,” Lisa said, “I’m more worried about infecting a world not ready for the changes it would bring.”

“Like what?” Luna asked.

“The medical profession would become mostly obsolete,” Lisa offered.

“We’d still need dentists…” Lynn’s voice trailed off as she looked at Lincoln.

“What?” he asked.

“Your front tooth is no longer chipped,” Lisa pointed out.

Lincoln ran his tongue across his front teeth and smiled broadly.

Beauty pageants would be a lot more competitive if everyone had perfect skin and teeth,” Lola said. “Looks like your penis can prevent acne.”

“If you are referring to the idea that a man’s ejaculate can clear up one’s complexion and prevent acne, let me assure you I have found no evidence that it serves such a function. I suspect that the truth of the matter is that when one is of age to engage in such activities, one’s complexion clears up on its own,” Lisa lectured.

Lola turned to Lynn for a translation.

“It only works when Lincoln does it,” Lynn said.

“That’s not what I said,” Lisa complained.

“You said it didn’t work like that, but thanks to the virus it would work like that for Lincoln,” Lynn pointed out.

“That is true,” Lisa admitted.

“Lincoln, dearest older brother,” Lola said sweetly.

“Can’t until Lisa has run her checks,” Lynn interrupted.

“And he’s already agreed to that,” Lucy added.

“Oh yeah!” Lola said cheerfully. She turned to Lincoln. “You are the best big brother a girl could ask for.”

“Thanks Lola,” he said, moving over to give her a hug.

“Now I kinda feel left out,” Luna realized.

Lincoln gave her a hug. “You have a girlfriend and I wouldn’t want to come between you, but if you’re ever single and in need, I’ll always be there for you.”

“Thanks Bro,” Luna said. “I doubt I’ll ever take you up on it, but I appreciate the offer.”

“I can not believe the amount I’ve eaten,” Luan said, leaning back and patting her belly. “I’m more stuffed than Lucy riding Lincoln.”

“Try not to make those jokes around mom and dad,” Luna begged, while the others laughed or groaned.

“Trust me sis, I tailor my material to my audience,” Luna assured her, “and they would not laugh at that joke.”

*PING*

“Our ride has arrived,” Lisa announced as she looked at her cell.

“I’ll handle the dishes,” Lana told Lincoln, “you guys just figure this out quickly, ok?”

“I’ll do my best,” Lisa promised as everyone got in some hugs.

“We’re just across town, I can jog home in about twenty minutes if you need anything,” Lincoln said, “be good for Luna please.”

“We will,” the twins promised.

A black windowless van was waiting outside with a non-descript man in a sharp black suit and Raybans waiting by the side door. “Miss Loud,” he said with a nod, opening the sliding door.

“Thanks for the ride, Artie,” she said with a smile, “I owe you one.”

“This is one I’m paying you back,” he replied as the Loud children filled in the two bench seats that faced the center, “but if you wouldn’t mind looking at some data along the way I would appreciate it.”

“Of course,” Lisa said, “you guys always bring me the most interesting data sets.”

The two entered the van taking the rear facing seat with Lisa next to Lynn and directly across from Lincoln. As he slid the door closed a black glass partition raised blocking off the front seats from view and a holographic projector come on creating a three dimensional display of the earth with red dots seemingly randomly distributed over the surface.

As the van smoothly pulled away from the curb Lisa reached out and adjusted the display, expanding each red dot one by one in a close up view before moving onto the next.

“Looks like someone cut and pasted pieces of different landscapes in MSPaint, sometimes at an angle,” Lynn said.

“An angle,” Lisa repeated to herself as she started adjusting a number of variables, red lines leading from each incident through the earth to intersect at a point near Geneva Switzerland.

Lisa took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Those fucking ape brained troglodytes! It was CERN,” she said with a growl. “By creating artificial micro black holes they create spots where the universe’s energy state reads as empty, causing the membrane of our universe to drift towards another universe with an inverse energy state that matches our own in some way. The point equalizes in a picosecond, by exchanging small quantities of matter, relatively speaking of course.”

The man nodded. “So, if we shut down CERN there should be no more anomalies?”

“You just have to stop their tests on creating micro black holes,” Lisa replied. “They have more than enough data from their current experiments to keep them busy for the next couple of decades anyway.”

“Excellent,” ‘Artie’, said with a smile.

The van came to a stop and the hologram winked off as the sliding door slid open, revealing they’d reached their destination.

“If there are any further problems, you have my cell,” Lisa said as they exited the van.

Artie nodded.

As the Louds started up the ivy covered road Lucy glanced back and saw Artie slapping a magnetic sign on the van that read Soap and Care Products, before it drove away.

Lincoln put Lisa on his shoulders, so she wouldn’t have to rush to keep up with everyone’s longer legs.

“I don’t suppose you’ve taken an inventory of the medical equipment onsite?” Lisa asked.

“Wasn’t a priority,” Lincoln replied, “we figured we’d only break something expensive if we messed with anything.”

“Dude!” Lynn said as they rounded a corner and saw the grape vines lining one side of the road opposite a number of orange trees. “That plant growth stuff is amazing.”

“It’s decent,” Lisa said modestly, but with a pleased smile as Lucy and Luan picked a bunch of grapes.

“Catch!” Luan called out as she tossed a grape at Lisa, who caught it in her mouth, spitting the seeds to the side a moment later.

“Not as sweet as I’d like, but it should have attained the proper level of monosaccharides by the time the next harvest cycle rolls around,” Lisa said.

“Still good,” Lynn said, leaping backwards to catch a grape Lucy tossed her.

“Road overgrown with plants, abandoned hospital, a ragtag band of survivors,” Luan said, tossing a grape to Lincoln, “it’s just like one of those adventure novels where everyone comes of age after some huge disaster.”

“I wouldn’t mind designing a new society,” Lisa said, absently running her fingers through Lincoln’s hair.

“With the lack of people, we’d be doing a lot of ‘kid in’ around,” Luan said, tossing Lucy a grape.

“In time,” Lisa said, “but just like home, not until nearly full development has been achieved. Unless we grow them on vines like grapes.” Her eyes gleamed as she considered the idea.

Lucy and Luan looked at their grapes and then tossed them in the bushes.

“Pass,” Lynn said. “I want to grow my kid myself, thanks.”

“And we’re here,” Lincoln said as they reached the parking lot. He set Lisa on the ground. “Who wants to see my Spider-man impression?”

“No need,” Lisa said, reaching into her backpack and pulling out a strange device that looked like a handgun that had been pressed flat and had its barrel replaced with twisted bits of wire, “I’ve brought a lockpick gun.”

Lincoln pouted making her chuckle. “How about you see if you can get inside before I get the door open?” Lisa offered.

“You’re on,” Lincoln said dropping his backpack and racing for the building.

The four girls watched in shock as Lincoln leapt high enough to grab the edge of the roof and pull himself up.

“Cool,” Lynn said, looking forward to being able to do that herself. She picked up Lincoln’s backpack and lead them to the door just as it screeched open, revealing an out of breath Lincoln.

“Made it,” he gasped out.

“Our workouts are going to be awesome,” Lynn told him.

Lincoln recovered in just a few seconds. “Weight room?” he suggested innocently.

Lynn grinned, thinking of the weight bench and ‘spotting’ him. “Oh yeah.”

“No more cuddling?” Luan asked.

“We’re still on for that, I was talking about tomorrow,” Lincoln assured her.

“Good, because I wanna see this giant bed of yours,” Luan said.

“We’ll drop our stuff in Lincoln’s room and then leave them to fulfill Lincoln’s promise, of cuddling all day with Luan,” Lisa said. Lucy and Lynn nodded, eager to do a little exploring. “I have a couple of spray bottles for you to use on any windows you run across. It’s a silicate based spray that should repair the damage to the windows, don’t get it in your eyes.”

Lynn pulled the door shut behind them as Lincoln lead them to the elevator. He hit the fifth floor as she joined them, handing him his backpack.

“The fifth floor is of sufficient size for us each to have our own room,” Lisa said.

“Clyde’s room is at the opposite end from mine,” Lincoln said, “he taped a jack of spades to the door, but the rest are open.”

“Cool,” Lynn said, looking forward to having her own room.

“Dibs on the one across from Lincoln,” Luan said.

“I’ll take the one nearest the bathroom,” Lynn said.

“They all have their own bathrooms,” Lincoln said.

“We get our own bathrooms,” Lucy said in awe.

“I’m owed some favors, we could buy this place for back taxes now,” Lisa said eyes lighting up.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Luna set her guitar on the chair and saw the sheets had been stripped from both their beds. She ran a hand down her mattress and let out a sigh of relief when she didn’t feel a wet spot.

“Worried they’d used my bed for a mo,” She said with a chuckle, before going to grab some replacement sheets.

She paused before she made her bed and decided to flip the mattress. They probably hadn’t used her bed and Luan had stripped her’s when she’d done her own just to be nice, but she still wasn’t sure how she felt about the whole thing.

She flipped the mattress and tossed the sheets on. “There, now I don’t have to worry about dreaming about them doin’ it while I’m trying to catch some shut eye.”

Luna yawned. “Time to crash.”

“Got some room?” Lana asked.

Luna turned around and saw the twins were both there. “It’s hella early.”

“Yeah and we were up late last night doing research and we’ll be going to the festival with you tonight,” Lola reminded her.

“And you can’t sleep in your own bed?”

“The house is too quiet, it’s creepy,” Lana said with a shudder.

“Good point, hop in,” Luna said, waving them towards her bed while she put on some music to drown out the silence.

The three were soon curled up in Luna’s bed sound asleep, the Beatles playing in the background, and a wet spot slowly seeping up through the sheets.

AN: Yes the last chapter was a joke. Now remember to review!
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Grow, Adapt, Overcome.